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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542218">travelling east</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleanor_Lambb/pseuds/Eleanor_Lambb'>Eleanor_Lambb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5, Far Cry: New Dawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Mickey Lives AU, Multi, Other, Road Trip, and cap ethan and mickey as they make their way to michigan, dual story, ethan lives au, more to be added - Freeform, that follows both pre-collapse judge on their adventures in the events of fc5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:14:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>214,482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleanor_Lambb/pseuds/Eleanor_Lambb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey wants to see her mom, and Cap will be damned if she goes alone</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Captain of Security/Ethan Seed, Captain of Security/Mickey (Far Cry), Female Captain of Security/Ethan Seed, Female Captain of Security/Mickey (Far Cry), Jess Black/Deputy | Judge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi everyone! new dawn, though flawed, was a lot of fun, so i wanted to write a neat little road trip feat. cap, mickey, and ethan!</p><p>for any context, please take a look at my previous fcnd fics:</p><p>Where my au starts: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/19442428">Live</a></p><p>Mickey/Cap (wip): <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141710">two girls scavenging outside five feet apart cuz theyre not gay</a></p><p>Judge/Cap: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/17899415">too close but not close enough</a></p><p>Ethan/Cap: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755073">need some help?</a></p><p>While you dont HAVE to read them, it sets the groundwork for where my au starts for all of this :)!!!!!</p><p>Ages:<br/>Cap: 22<br/>Mickey: 23<br/>Ethan: 25<br/>Judge: 42 (25 in fc5) </p><p>i dont give a fuck ab canon lol</p><p>EDIT; bro i fr thought hope county was in colorado its actually in montana 😭 im so stupid. Fixed those parts</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It couldn't have been a more shitty day for the people of Prosperity. It poured ice cold rain late in the morning, lightning flashing in the dark clouds, thunder shaking the ground, the whole nine yards. People worked decked out in long coats and boots, running around and trying not to get blown over by the wind, and Cap sat in the open doorway of the Cartography, watching. The radio crooned some old, old country song. Bean busied himself with his maps, charting out new areas and marking settlements. Cap is quiet, watching the sky, Timber curled up in her lap, stroking his fur peacefully. She always like the rain.</p><p>The opening of the front door to the main house catches Cap's eye, someone stepping out. Though the person wears a long blue coat with a big hood that hides her face, Cap can tell by her lean figure it's Mickey. And by her bright blue motocross boots. Cap used to think it was just for aesthetics, but motocross armor was actually decent at blocking blows, and provided a lot of coverage from the cuts and scrapes you'd normally get running through the woods. Mickey runs across the yard, ignoring the stairs and gripping the edge of the Cartography office walkway, hauling herself up onto the platform. Cap grabs the back of her pants, helping her up.</p><p>Mickey pulls off her hood, "Shitty day," She mutters.</p><p>"I like it," Cap says, "Could be worse. Could be snow."</p><p>"True," Mickey shakes off the rain, then looks deeper into the Cartography office, "Hey, Beanbag."</p><p>Bean turns his head. He grins, waves to her, "Hi, Mickey!" He says, then turns back to his work. Bean was terrified of Mickey when she first showed up, but months after, he warmed up a bit, enough that he wasn't a nervous wreck when she was close by.</p><p>Mickey sits in the doorway with Cap, who turns more towards her.</p><p>"What's up?"</p><p>She pokes at Timber's tail, "Just got tired of the Ryes staring me down," She says.</p><p>"Wounds around here are still fresh, and I doubt they'll heal."</p><p>"I know, I know, I deserve it. Just sucks."</p><p>Cap playfully, but lightly, punches her in the arm, "Hey, they haven't kicked you out yet. They must think you've got some redemptive qualities in ya'."</p><p>"I think they just let me hang around so you don't go sicko mode on 'em."</p><p>Cap snorts, then stares back up at the sky. She tried not to think about her Eden's Gift, being one of Joseph's supposed Chosen. It was handy in big fights, sure, but it mostly just made her feel....strange. Like when you put on a pair of pants that are two sizes too big, like when the hat on your head was too small, like wearing sunglasses at night. Not exactly wrong, but uncanny. None really knew the truth of it, besides her close circle of friends and confidants, and she wanted to keep it that way. On a more positive note, the Highwaymen think she's some sort of unstoppable demigod, which is cool.</p><p>They sit in silence for a long while, before Mickey becomes restless and stands. She was usually perfectly fine with a long silence, but given she didn't have a book or some other object in her hand to distract her, it was inevitable she would decide to bother Bean. That was a pastime of hers, nosing around, trying to get a feel for the way things were run. Though she's a lot more level - headed than her twin ever was, Cap thinks she gets a bit of a kick out of bothering people, too.</p><p>Cap watches her waltz up, right next to Bean, arms close enough to touch, "What's all this?" She asks.</p><p>Bean, visibly becoming flustered, creates a few inches of space, "Oh! Well, most of the valley is already mapped out, so my scouts are beginning to fan out more," He motions to a part of the map Cap can't see from her spot in the doorway, "We're trying to get as much land plotted out East."</p><p>"East, huh? I know a few spots, good scavving places, some hunting grounds. I know the Highwaymen routes through there, too. Could be valuable to your people."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah. I can plot them out, if you want the information."</p><p>He leans back a bit, "What do you want for it?"</p><p>She thinks to herself, "Let's say a favor for a favor."</p><p>"Deal!" He pushes the papers towards Mickey. Cap wasn't worried about whatever favor Mickey would ask of Bean - most of them were shift swaps, or book exchanges. Big reader, Mickey was.</p><p>Mickey's head tilts, "You're alright with me fucking your maps up?"</p><p>"I can always make more."</p><p>She snorts, then flicks the middle bridge of his glasses. She grabs a pink marker, bending over the table and marking the locations she had her thoughts on. Bean throws Cap a <em>I'm socializing with the enemy, how cool is that?</em> look, and gives her a thumbs up. She gives him a thumbs up back, scratching behind Timber's ear.</p><p>"Wow," Bean says, "That's a lot of information."</p><p>"Yeah. Share it around, send some scouting teams out. My info is good, I know it," Mickey turns around, leaning against the desk, "You know, for someone from around here, you don't seem to really know the area."</p><p>"Oh," Bean says, "I'm not from around here. I'm down South, a few miles away," Then, in a braver move, he copies her movements and leans against the desk, a foot of space separating them, "Where are you from?"</p><p>Mickey is quiet, for a moment, chewing on Bean's words. Then she crosses her arms, "East."</p><p>"How far?"</p><p>"Far enough."</p><p>That was enough for Bean. He stands straight, "Well, I should get back to....to my maps. Thanks for the info, Mickey."</p><p>She eyes him, a smirk crossing her face, "Don't mention it, Beanie Baby," She slugs Bean softly in the arm, then walks back to Cap, sitting down.</p><p>Cap leans in, keeping her voice low, "You know he's scared of you, right?"</p><p>Mickey matches her tone, "I know."</p><p>"Be nice."</p><p>"I'm trying, it's not my fault he's so easy to fuck with."</p><p>Cap sighs through her nose. Mickey did change she's been at Prosperity, and God knows she was still trying, but she still held onto that tough demeanor she needed with the Highwaymen. Cap doubts she will ever let go of that harshness. Timber stirs in Cap's lap, and he moves his head from hers, to Mickey's. Mickey grimaces.</p><p>"Ew, dog."</p><p>Timber scooches closer. He stretches his paws out, dipping his head further into Mickey's lap with a heavy sigh. She makes a soft sound of disgust.</p><p>"He only does it because he knows you don't like him," Cap tells her.</p><p>Mickey shakes her head, "Just stay out of my bedroll, Mutt," She scratches behind his ears, and his tail thumps on the wooden floor.</p><p>Cap grins, then goes back to watching the rain. A flash of lightening breaks the sky.</p><p>"You don't see a lotta rain out here," Mickey comments.</p><p>"Nope," Which is why Cap liked it so much.</p><p>They sit in silence for a while. Then Mickey sighs through her nose.</p><p>"It rained a fuckin' lot back home - back East."</p><p>Cap's head snaps to Mickey. She never liked talking about where she came from. Cap brushes her hair out of her face, trying to keep the conversation going, "Never been, but that's what I hear. Hurricane city."</p><p>"Only in the fall," Mickey says, "I used to see the biggest, darkest storm clouds roll in. Lou would always insist on playing out in the mud, but Mom never let us. Just shut us up in the basement and waited for the winds to pass. We'd check outside and whole trees would be ripped out the ground."</p><p>"You miss it much?"</p><p>"Not really. There were people surviving, sure, Eastward is big Highwaymen territory, but everything was so...." She curls her hands trying to find the words, "Gray. Like, everything was sucked of it's color. Shit barely grew out of the ground. You'd have to dig ten, twenty feet to find usable soil."</p><p>"How was hunting?"</p><p>"A challenge. The number of animals wasn't the problem, it was the way they were. Radiation turned most of them fucking roided up beasts, I'm talking squirrels the size of dogs, and tempers fuckin' worse. Deer could chew through metal if you left them alone for too long. Fishing was more everyone’s scene."</p><p>Though Mickey was describing the hardships of the East, Cap can't help but notice how nostalgic she sounded talking about everything.</p><p>Then she smiles, and scratches at the fur under Timber's collar, "I remember this one time, there was this big stag running around, tearing up the crops, and me and Lou stood by the window and watched Pops take it out with with only a shovel. He almost lot a few fingers, but it was worth the amount of meat on that thing's bones. Kept us fed for weeks," Then it was like a switch. She dropped her hand away from Timber, frowning, and stood up, "Nice chat, Cap."</p><p>Heart sinking, Cap shoots a hand out, tugs at the bottom of Mickey's coat, "Don't you wanna watch the storm with me?"</p><p>"Nah. Got other stuff to do. Think Selene had some errand for me to run," And without another word, she hops off the edge of the platform, landing hard in the mud, and beelines for the Infirmary, disappearing inside.</p><p>Cap looks at Timber, who turns his head at her. She scratches under his chin, "Think Ethan wants a visit, boy?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Inside the Infirmary, there's no Mickey, and no Selene, either. With the twins out of commission, injury rates had dropped, making the wing empty of patients, save for Ethan. Cap climbs the stairs to the Clean Room. Inside, Ethan is sitting by the window, curtains pulled back to reveal the storm outside. A book dangles from his hand, ignored for the moment. Cap knocks softly on the open doorway.</p><p>"Taking visitors?"</p><p>"Do I have a choice?"</p><p>Cap smiles, "Nope!"</p><p>He leans back in his seat, head finally turning. His hair had grown longer, past his shoulders, and he had pulled it back into a messy bun. He dog - ears his place in his book, closing it. Timber walks through like he owns the place, right up to Ethan, and sits down, leaning his head on his knee. Ethan looks down for a moment, and pets his head.</p><p>"So," Cap starts, "Anything new?"</p><p>He looks off, voice drawling, "Same four white walls. Selene won't let me leave on account she thinks I'm going to somehow drown in the rain," He looks at the book in his free hand, then tosses it towards his bed. Cap catches it mid - air before it makes it there. <em>The Alchemist</em> by Paulo Coehlo. She turns it in her hand, then tosses it on the bed behind.</p><p>"Ah, don't worry Ethan. You'll only have to deal with it for a little bit longer."</p><p>"Mhm," He leans his cheek against his palm, scratching Timber's ears, "What did Mickey have to say?"</p><p>Cap shrugs, "Just wanted to chat."</p><p>Mickey and Ethan didn't hold any ill will towards one another, but they still avoided each other, like two hawks in the same airspace. Cap doesn't think she's ever seen them in the same room, besides at that big derby she crashed more than a year ago.</p><p>"You seem to spend a lot of time with her."</p><p>"Yeah, well, she can work outside and, well, you can't, so...."</p><p>He waves her off, "I'm an invalid, I get it."</p><p>She paces closer, pulling up a chair and straddling it, resting her arms over the back, "Just until Selene decides that you're healthy enough for work."</p><p>"Which I hope will be any day now," He sighs, "But, whatever the case may be, I've been using my time here wisely. I spend so much time here, Selene has taken me under her wing."</p><p>Cap perks up, "Really? What've you been doing?"</p><p>"I already know how to garden, sow crops and cultivate them, but she's taught me how to do it with maximum yield, and added a few more plants to my encyclopedia, as I did hers. She's never seen a bliss flower before, can you believe it? Treats it like it's glass. I've even picked up a bit of those," He makes air quotes with his fingers, "'Healing herb,' skills she has."</p><p>"Whoah, cool. That mean you're our new medic?"</p><p>Ethan scoffs, "No. It just means that...." He rolls a tongue over his teeth, "That if the Ryes allow me to stay, I'll be able to earn my keep."</p><p>She grins crookedly, "What, you want to stay, Ethan?"</p><p>"Where else do I have to go?"</p><p>She purses her lips, "Good point."</p><p>He clicks his tongue, "This community you've built here is growing by the day. They need all the help they can get," His eyes narrow, "They still don't trust me, do they?"</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "No. You're still a Seed, so that causes them concern, but I think that's more on Nick Rye's part than Kim's. The old man is hardheaded like a bull. But lucky for you, he's outnumbered by the other major players in Prosperity, all the older folk who were around the county before the Collapse. If they didn't think you could help out in some way, they would've thrown you in the river months ago."</p><p>Ethan shuffles closer, "You know, back in New Eden, most of our members were part of the original project for Eden's Gate."</p><p>"Mhm, right."</p><p>"I would ask my father about his beginnings, and he shared nothing, talking about how the past is the past and doesn't need to be brought up anymore. But those who were with him when the Collapse started, they didn't hesitate to tell me the truth."</p><p>"Which is....?"</p><p>"That the Rye family has reason to hate my bloodline," He looks at Cap, "How much do you know about the Seeds? And Eden's Gate?"</p><p>Cap stops, thinks, "Mmm, not much. There's mumbling from Sharky and Nick, but other than that...." She puts her hands up, "Don't know," As far as Cap knew, what happened in Hope's County was something close to a civil war.</p><p>Ethan's eyes brightened. <em>Of course</em>, Cap thinks<em>, He can't possibly pass up an opportunity to flex his knowledge on me.</em> He opens his mouth to speak, but is distracted by Timber suddenly jerking his head away from his leg. Both look over, and standing in the doorway is the Judge. Their leathers were slick with rain, wooden mask dark.</p><p>Cap sits up, "Hey, Judge, what's up?" She glances at Ethan. He simply stares at the Judge. While they were still angry with him for what he's done to New Eden, no violence was ever enacted upon him by them. They simply regarded him like one would a plant in the corner - with as little interest as possible. It got under Ethan's skin, Cap knew for sure. He wasn't used to being ignored.</p><p>Judge beckons her over. They don't move from their spot.</p><p>She looks at Ethan, shrugs, "Guess you'll have to tell me later, Eth," She says, pushing up. She pats Timber's head, "You keep Ethan company for a bit, Timbs," She tells him. The Judge descends the stairs, and Cap follows at a leisurely pace.</p><p>"Whaddya got for me, Judge?" She asks them. They peer over their shoulder, and wave two fingers, motioning her to follow.</p><p>She follows them outside, and they beeline for the East wall, grabbing the ledge and vaulting over. Cap pulls her raincoat over her tighter, and vaults with them. They pick their pace up, going from a brisk walk to a sprint, and she follows without missing a beat. She wonders what the Judge had to show her. Given that the Judge didn't speak, it could be any number of things. A pack of deer, a Highwaymen patrol. One time, they took her to see a rock that had a nice view of the sunrise. But given the weather, she doubts Judge fetched her to marvel at the beauty of nature.</p><p>They run for a few minutes, putting a lot of distance between them and Prosperity, and then suddenly stop, causing Cap to bump into their shoulder. She bounces off of them, landing in a muddy puddle. The Judge turns, helps her up, but doesn't let go of her hand. They lead her under the tree of a large, sprawling oak, its branches stretching out, canopy thick enough to block a lot of the rain. They kneel by the base of the tree, Cap kneeling with them.</p><p>She brushed rain out of her hair, wiping her face, "What's the situation, Judge? Bringing me out all this way in the rain."</p><p>The Judge squeezes her hand. Soundless, they reach into their coat, and brings out a package no bigger than a lockbox. The package is wrapped in the hide of a rabbit, tied with stringy, old rope. Cap looks at the strange package, then at the Judge.</p><p>"What's this?"</p><p>They push the package to her. She takes it.</p><p>As soon as she does, the Judge lets go of her hand. They slide away, turning their back to her, and take off full speed into the trees.</p><p>Shocked, clutching the book tight, Cap bounces up on her heels, "Hey, wait!" She chases after. She tries to keep up, but with the rain, and the added item to her inventory, she loses track fast. She comes to a clearing, stopping, head swiveling. Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes.</p><p>"Judge!" She yells out, "Judge!"</p><p>There's no sign of them as she scans the surrounding trees. Not that she would see them if they were still around. They had an almost inhuman ability to blend into any surrounding they found themself in. She breathes raggedly, then looks at the package in her hand. The fur of the wrappings were wet with rain.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck did Judge give me?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>She arrives back in Prosperity after some confused backtracking. She runs into the main house, shaking off the rain. She keeps the bundle under her shirt, deftly avoiding everyone inside until she ended up in her private quarters in the corner of the house. She swipes off everything she had on her desk, slamming the package down.</p><p>For a few moments, Cap stares at the item given to her. A billion questions run through her mind. It's obviously something important, or else Judge wouldn't have brought her all the way out from Prosperity for it. But what the Hell is it? Maps? She shakes the item. It makes no noise, so it isn't just a wrapped box. Or it is, and the item is just flush in it's packaging.</p><p>
  <em>Only one way to find out.</em>
</p><p>She unwraps the bundle, carefully laying the wrappings out. Inside isn't a box, or a bundle of maps. It's a book. A white, weathered book with scratched edges. She picks it up in her hands, turning it. There's no cover, no brandings on the spine, or anything to really identify it. She opens it up, quickly flipping through a few of the pages. The pages were packed with messy, scratchy handwriting, and spare papers with detailed images.</p><p><em>A journal? Why did Judge give me this?</em> And a better question would be - who's journal was it?</p><p>She checks her door, making sure it's locked. Obviously, whatever the book was, Judge wanted her to keep it safe. They obviously wanted her to read it, or else they wouldn't have given it to her, they would've just hidden it. But given that they were so secretive of it, it was very obviously for her eyes only.</p><p>Cap sits down at her desk. She opens up the book. Inside the cover was a letter, written in black pen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Captain of Security,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish you would tell me your real name, but I'm not brave enough to ask with words yet. I'm still clenched by duty, by fear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It might be difficult to imagine, but I wasn't always The Judge. Seventeen years ago, I was a junior deputy in the area. I was new to the job, but I was good at it. My home town was rife with addiction and crime. I wanted to be the little good that helped stop it. My whole purpose in life was to help people. So when I got wind of a sting operation to take down a local nuisance, I had no other choice but to help out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My mission was to help arrest Joseph Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, things didn't go as planned. I instead spent weeks fighting for my life, the lives of my crew, and the lives of the innocent people the Seed family and the Peggies were intent on torturing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What I've just handed to you, and no doubt ran off right after, is a recount of what I experienced before The Collapse. The weeks of grueling pain I endured, and what the people of Hope County tried so hard to fight. The things that happened were too gruesome to be forgotten simply because it is the past. The stories need to be told so nobody falls into the same pitfalls that captured the old Peggies - the people so deluded by blind faith and drugs and torture that they forgot their own names.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Most of all, I don't want Joseph Seed to go down in memory as a man who helped. He barely did right by New Eden.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was a murderer, a manipulative monster. He was a child killer, complacent in the murder and torture of innocents, and responsible for the deaths of my friends. He may have seemed like a kindly old hippie when you first stumbled upon him, but age and time had only softened him in that way. He was cruel. He was vile. He cared for himself and what he thought was the word of God, and saw everyone else as pawns in a game of religion. Even those he claimed to love. Even his brothers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It feels so good to write about him in that way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Read this book. Burn it into your memory. And when you're done, share what you know to the young folks in the valley. Empathize and understand the older folks. Don't let them forget what evil he's wrought. Don't let his memory be full of bliss and faith, of his noble efforts to protect the valley from the Highwaymen. His kindly preacher days were rife with bloodshed. It was never shed in God's name. It was always in his.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ethan, despite my anger towards him, was right. Joseph Seed was just a man. A man so deluded in his need to become a messiah he didn't care how he got it, so long as he did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry this beginning letter is so lengthy. Joseph robbed me of my words, forbid me to write or speak as a form of penance for my sins. But he's gone now. And I'm free.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm going to use my time to help the valley, and help New Eden grow and assimilate with the other folks. I would like to set up trade with Prosperity, teach everyone our ways without needing remnants of the Old World. I'm sure our waterwheel piqued some interest, and we can teach some of your hunters how to blend better in the environment to be more effective hunters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>New Eden needs freedom from Joseph's influence, and they trust me to never lead them astray. I just hope the ones old enough to remember when the Peggies were around understand that the people of New Eden are no longer purveyors of violence. They just want to survive in this harsh world. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you are thinking of trying to look for me, don't. I still feel shame, even as I write this, every word feeling like I'm defying The Father. I know myself well enough that I will avoid you at every opportunity after I've handed you this book. But when I'm ready, I will come and find you. It may be weeks, or months, but I will come, and when I do, it will be for the better.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm no longer the wolf of Joseph Seed, snapping at his enemies. His Judge. I am his scourge. And I'll make damn sure that when I see him in Hell, he knows it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blessings,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Aiden.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>Cap feels like her whole world has been turned upside down. She was curious about the Judge. Of course she was, everyone was, but she never thought they were anything else but part of New Eden. She feels foolish. No matter how powerful the Judge seemed to be, they were still human underneath that mask. She rereads the opening letter, over and over again, looking for some code, some prank line. None pop out to her. She took a few moments to process the book, how she held the Judge's whole story in her hands. She read their goodbye again and again, over and over. <em>Aiden. Their name is Aiden.</em></p><p>She feels....<em>Fuck, I'm honored they gave this to me</em>. They sat down, wrote down their story, compiled it into a neat little book, and gave it to her to read. Not the Ryes, not the people of New Eden, her. Cap's fingers tremble as she runs them down their words. She knew that Eden's Gate was nothing but trouble pre - Collapse, but she could feel the rage in Judge's words.</p><p>There was more to Joseph Seed than Cap ever realized. She turns the page of the book - </p><p>A knock at the door sends Cap jumping out of her chair. She spins, leaning herself against her desk.</p><p>"Captain?" Ethan calls on the other side with another knock.</p><p>Quickly, she grabs Judge's book, "Yeah! H - Hold on!" She tucks the book underneath her mattress. Then she goes to her closet, grabbing a small snub pistol she kept in the back, in case of emergencies. She places it on top of the rabbit hide, then goes to her door, unlocking it.</p><p>Timber sits dutifully by Ethan's side. He's wrapped up in a raincoat two sizes too big for him, "I saw you run back. What did the Judge want?"</p><p>Cap puts on her best face, shrugging, "Oh, they just..." She turns around, motioning to her desk, "Found this pistol and thought I'd like it."</p><p>He stares, then nods his head, "Oh. I see."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"The two of you took off like hot coals, then you come back alone almost a half hour later. I was curious as to what they wanted."</p><p>She shrugs, "Well, y'know, they don't really use guns, and they've been handing all the firearms they pilfer from the Highwaymen to Prosperity. I guess they wanted me to have it," She grabs the pistol, holding it up. It's small, and dull, and there's nothing particularly special about it.</p><p>Ethan glances at it, "Seems like a lot of trouble to just hand you a gift."</p><p>Again, she shrugs, "Can't tell you much about it. They brought me out, handed it to me, and then left."</p><p>Though he seemed to have more questions, Ethan elected to drop it, and nods in response, "I see."</p><p>Cap places the gun down carefully. She approaches him, slinging an arm over his shoulder, "Don't worry, Eth, you weren't left outta anything important," She pats his chest, "Hey, you hungry?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"Are you alright, Captain? You seem distracted."</p><p>Cap, who stops poking at her bowl of stew, picks her head up to look at Ethan. She can't get her mind off of Judge's book, and yearns to delve into the pages. She shrugs, "I'm not hungry."</p><p>They were sitting in the foyer of the main house, sitting by the fire. Cap took the armchair, while Ethan was on the couch, Timber stretched out by his feet.</p><p>"That's surprising," Ethan comments, "You're always hungry."</p><p>Cap huffs, "I'm.....Just thinking about Mickey. Have you seen her recently? She disappeared after our talk earlier today."</p><p>"I think I saw her slink into the Cartography office."</p><p>"When?"</p><p>"A little bit after you left with the Judge. She went right in, then came right back out."</p><p>"Well," Cap pushes her bowl to him, "I should probably see what she's doing."</p><p>He takes the bowl, sitting up straight, "I'm sure it's nothing, Captain - "</p><p>"No, no, I need to check up on her. She's my responsibility, after all, same as you," She says it with a little disdain. Mickey and Ethan were people, not pets, "I'll see you later, alright?"</p><p>Ethan nods, if sadly, "Alright, Captain. Later then."</p><p>Cap feels guilty as she leaves him. Same as Mickey, she was his only visitor who wasn't a medic. Technically, his only friend. While Mickey could work her charm, carve in a little place for herself in Prosperity, Ethan didn't have that same charisma. He was prickly, moreso than Mickey, short tempered, sometimes downright insufferable. But, even though he betrayed his compound, Cap still saw a little good in him. It was in there, somewhere, it just needed to be nurtured and brought to light. He just needed someone to believe in him, and help him rather than just direct him through life.</p><p>It's still raining by two PM. She checks the Cartography office, popping her head in.</p><p>"Hey, Bean? You seen - " She stops. Mickey and Bean are standing next to each other, both facing Bean's desk, "Oh, hey, Mickey."</p><p>Mickey, as cool as can be, turns around, "Hey. What's up?"</p><p>"Just wanted to know what was going on. What's happenin' in here?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm just helping Beano here with his maps. Right, Kid?"</p><p>Bean, who hasn't turned around, nods quick, "Yup!"</p><p>Behind them, Cap notices maps and books, compasses, and pens scattered on the surface of the desk.</p><p>"Whoah, that seems like a lotta maps."</p><p>Mickey shrugs, "I got a lotta information."</p><p>Cap beams. If Mickey and Bean could be in the same room without issue, working together, that was progress.</p><p>"There something you need?"</p><p>"Just wanted to check in, make sure everything was sound."</p><p>"We're cool, Cap," She elbows Bean lightly, "Right?"</p><p>"We're cool," Bean parrots.</p><p>More smiles from Cap, "Great. Well, I'm gonna be in my room, if you need anything."</p><p>"Will do, Captain."</p><p>Cap leaves, jumping down and rushing back to the main house. She slinks inside, avoiding Ethan, who's still sitting on the couch, and sprints to her room. She enters, locks the door behind her, fingers buzzing as she lifts her mattress and grabs Judge's book. She slams it down on her desk, plopping herself into her chair and diving into their carefully - written words.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>I guess if I should start anywhere, I should start with me.</em>
</p><p>In the margins of the page, Judge had scribbled notes: <em>The Book of Aiden. Hah. My own little manifesto. Take that, Joseph.</em></p><p>Cap flips the page, and there was a map of the county tacked to the inside. It was old, wrinkled and stained, per - Collapse, probably. She runs her fingers over the paper. The main text continues.</p><p>
  <em>I grew up in a small, dinky town a few hours from Hope County. I was raised by my mom, since she and my dad separated before I was born. Put the guy right on child support soon as I popped into the world. August 31, 1993. Can't blame her. My father was a deadbeat, in every sense of the word. I can count the times I've seen him in person on one hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No siblings, but my mom got married to a guy when I was six. I didn't like him that much. Thought he was taking my mom from me. Of course he wasn't, but try explaining that to a kid. Of course, I grew out of that phase, and warmed up to him soon enough. Nice guy, worked in the local post office.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wish I could say there was anything interesting about me. Didn't really have a lot of hobbies. I wrote a little, drew a little, but nothing ever serious. I had journals filled with stories and art back home. Those are probably destroyed. Kills me knowing all my work was destroyed in an instant, but I shouldn't dwell on it. I'll just create more. I have the ability to now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I kinda floated around my whole teenage years, never really had friends. Acquaintances, maybe, but nobody I built substantial relationships with. The spent a lot of time at the local pizza joint after school, playing arcade games and buying a slice and a soda with pocket money. Like any kid from a small town, I spent my weekends drinking at parties by abandoned quarries and lakesides. I wouldn't talk to anyone, really. Just sit around and listen to the music and watch everyone else get plastered and make fools of themselves. I had fun, though.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got older, and decided to become a cop. Like any small town with nothing to do, crimes were mostly petty theft and drug use. Murder was mainly nonexistent. Nothing really went on anywhere. I thought it would be an easy job. And it was, until Joseph Seed popped up a few years back, and I got transferred closer to the county.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Project at Eden's Gate. P E G. Peggies. That's what we'd call them. Joseph Seed led his flock as a prophet, a preacher who promised salvation and forgiveness from God, so long as you followed him. He hit the usual markers of a fundamental Christian preacher - catered to a mainly white crowd, demanded we defend our right to bear arms, ect ect, but his sermons were on a whole different level. Fucking hypnotic. I think that's what made him so different, so dangerous. It was impossible not to watch him. He spoke with such flair, every word feeling honest and weighty. I could see why his project got so popular.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the valley, they were buying up land like nobodies business, doing all sorts of crazy shit, building monuments and the like. We couldn't figure out what they were doing out there, or for why. People always joked about how it would be the next Jonestown of our generation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, they didn't know how close to the truth they were.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Things stirred for a few years, but it all was just mild disturbances. Nothing truly criminal. Nothing we could prove, anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then in 2017, things got bad. We got reports of kidnappings, physical assaults, drug running, gun running, murder, you name it. People in the counties were sending in complaints like there was no tomorrow, talking about Peggies scoping out their lands, threatening them if they didn't sell them and their businesses. It felt like they were preparing for something, completely disregarding the subtle approach they've been using before. The state got involved. In 2018, they finally got enough evidence to arrest Joseph Seed on kidnapping charges. How they did, don't ask me, but they got it somehow, that's what mattered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were five of us sent to arrest him. Sheriff Earl Whitehorse, Deputy Joey Hudson, Deputy Staci Pratt, Deputy Marshal Cameron Burke, and yours truly, Junior Deputy Aiden.</em>
</p><p>Another scribble in the margins:<em> I forgot I had a name for so long. It's so weird to go back to it.</em></p><p>
  <em>We came in by chopper, and told our control to send in reinforcements in we didn't contact them within fifteen minutes. All of us were a little nervous, fidgety. Religious zealots are a wily bunch. You never know what they might do to protect their faith. But as long as we got in and got out without drawing our service weapons, we'd be fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The compound we found Joseph Seed in was large, lined with faded, whitewashed buildings, roads dirt. Everything looked old and antique, like they've been there for generations. The people there were dirty, dressed in rags, toting guns. Their guard dogs growled and snapped at us, locked behind chain fences. They looked upon us with anger, rage, and fear, telling us not to take the Father, telling us to leave. I was intimidated, I'll be honest. I'd never been in a situation like that, outnumbered and outgunned. Hudson told me to stay close.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Marshal wasn't as young as me, but he sure acted like it. Had a bit of a hot temper, talking about how we'd get our names in the paper for Joseph's arrest. I wanted Joseph imprisoned, too, but it seemed more like a glory arrest for the Marshal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We made it to the church the Father was in, in the middle of his sermon. He delivered it shirtless, exposing his tattoos, and every scar he had. Words were etched into his skin, sins he's repented for. I found myself drawn to him. It might've been the dried Bliss flowers hanging from the church rafters, but I can't be sure. It was his stare, I think, that caught me. His eyes, wide and glassy, hidden behind yellow - tinted sunglasses. I couldn't see my reflection in them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Marshal flashed the arrest warrant. The flock started getting testy, started standing, yelling at us. But Joseph calmed them, soothed them into complacency. They left the church without a hitch, and he stared me down as I put cuffs on him. His family, his blood, John, Jacob, and Faith, stood behind him and watched. None of them spoke up, or tried to stop us. They didn't seem too worried about Joseph's arrest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The whole thing made my skin crawl. I didn't want anything more than to get the fuck out of that church. Nothing fucking felt right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hurried out, trying to make it to our helicopter, but the Peggies flanked us everywhere. Suddenly, there were triple the members outside. People started throwing rocks. Marshal whipped out his service pistol, firing shots into the air to scare them off. Chaos was unfolding quickly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We got Joseph into the heli, made it off the ground, but the Peggies just weren't gonna let the Father go that easy. They jumped onto our chopper, trying to keep it down with the weight. I watched them scramble on the sides, only to get shoved off and plummet to their deaths below.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then the Father started singing. His eyes were closed, his body relaxed. He didn't seem too worried about the helicopter, or his flock dying. I felt sick. We never shoulda came.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then one of them got caught in the rotors. I hoped they died quick - nasty way to go - and the heli windshield turned red. I could smell smoke. Alarms went off. Everyone started yelling, and the bird spiraled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I blacked out as we crashed. When I woke up, our control, Nancy was her name, was calling us. I tried to grab the mic, but Joseph got to it before me. His glasses were cracked, but he was unharmed. I couldn't believe it. Nancy on the other end sounded worried, and he spoke into the mic, telling her everything would be fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gasped, and agreed. Everything was fine. Peace be with you, Father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I knew I was fucked. I was going to get flayed alive by those fucking Peggies, and nobody would ever know.</em>
</p><p>In the margins: <em>Fuck you, Nancy.</em></p><p>
  <em>People came looking for the Father in trucks. They pulled my team out, kicking and screaming. My seatbelt was broken. I couldn't get out, and watched helplessly as they were dragged away. The Father climbed out of the crash, greeted by his followers. He climbed onto the hood of a truck, and started talking about some whack shit. The first seal had been opened. Then Joseph started talking about the Reaping. They were gonna take everything in the valley for themselves, and kill everyone who stood in their way. I was still dizzy from the crash, so I didn't hear a lot of it, but I heard enough to know it was all fucked. He pointed at me. My blood turned to ice. A Peggie tried to grab me, but the heli caught fire, and blocked the other side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got free, and ran into the woods. I could hear yelling behind, gunshots, dogs barking. I was being hunted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I took shelter in a ranch house. I stood in the doorway, threw up. I couldn't fucking believe everything that was happening. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, and I walked further into the house, and almost got socked in the head by Marshal Burke. God, imagine my surprise! I was sure he was taken. I think he thought we were all dead in the bird, and ran off before the cultists showed up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked at a framed photo of the Seeds on the wall. He took it, smashed it, and promised me we'd take those fucking Seeds out. We were gonna make them pay. Missoula was only a few hours away. We could make it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We armed ourselves. Somebody saw us through the windows, started shooting. I never killed anybody before. The sound of a bullet hitting a body reminded me of an apple hitting the wall, weighty and loud. It made me sick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We killed a few Peggies until we stumbled upon a truck with the keys still inside. We took it, and tore through the whole county trying to get the fuck out of dodge. It's all an adrenaline - fueled blur, but we were in the home stretch, halfway down, trying to cross a bridge between the mountains and the town. Then we heard a whistling noise. Well, me and Burke look up, and the motherfuckers had fucking planes! They dropped a bomb on the bridge, tearing it apart. Our truck got run off, and landed in the waters below. Burke made it out, and so did I, both of us washing up on opposite shores. He got captured by the Peggies. I could hear him yelling as they dragged him away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought I'd die on that shore, watching that bridge burn, but then a guy came into view. Could barely see his face in the dark. I lost consciousness as he lugged me over his shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I woke up the next morning. I felt like pure shit. My whole body was heavy, and sore, and I was cold and my clothes were still damp. I was ziptied to a bedpost, in an underground bunker. The guy who picked me up came into the room I was in, told me that me and my team fucked everything up. The Peggies cut off the valley from the rest of the world. They controlled the radio, the cable stations, had every exit and road patrolled and guarded. Nobody was getting in, nobody was getting out. We fucked it up. He told me it would be easier for him to just hand me to the Seeds.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll admit it, I freaked out. I started tugging at my zipties, whole bed shaking. I was fucking scared. Scared to know what the Peggies could do to me. And after seeing them fucking kill themselves for the Father, I didn't want to find out what they were capable of doing to other people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But the man walked up to me, took out his pocket knife, and undid my ties. He told me to get dressed with some spare clothes he had in the locker in the corner. I looked at his jacket. It was army issued. The name on the front patch said Dutch.</em>
</p><p>In the margins, the Judge had written Dutch's name in blocky lettering, with a halo above.</p><p>
  <em>I changed out of my soggy clothes, and came out. Dutch told me my team was most likely split up between the Seeds, who each controlled a region of the valley. He gave me a gun, and I understood what needed to be done.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This was more than just getting my fucking team back. I needed to help free the valley from the Seeds. I was ready for it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First, I helped clear Dutch's island of Peggie activity. It gave us a nice foothold, made it easy as pie to fend off attacks on the island, and made sure Dutch's bunker stayed secret. He was mighty thankful for it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dutch was what you'd call a prepper, somebody who was preparing for a nuclear holocaust, like a lotta the folks in the county were. He was a Vietnam vet, and a bonafide badass. Back then, they had the stupidest laws for shit, and Dutch found himself in hot water because he was trying to collect rainwater without a permit. He only spent a few days in jail, beat the case they brought against him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I guess you could say Dutch was my guide through everything, My radio companion. Every time something happened, he was there. Never let me down. Never abandoned me. Never told me I couldn't stay at his bunker in an emergency. He was with me through everything. When you looked under that harsh, bristly exterior, there was a kind man underneath. He had a son, and a grandson, but they cut contact with him. Breaks my heart to know that old man was all alone out in that bunker. I wish I did something to let him know I appreciated all he did for me.</em>
</p><p>Cap touches small spots of discolored, running ink.</p><p>
  <em>God, I'm so sorry, Dutch. I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't want it to happen. It's my fault he killed you. I should've just put a bullet in his head.</em>
</p><p>The words sprawl, already scratchy handwriting becoming borderline illegible. Lines were crossed out, making them unreadable. She turns the page, and the next one has a bust portrait drawn in blue pen. It was of an older gentleman, with a bald head and glasses. He looked tired, the bags under his eyes deep and scratched dark, skin splotched with wrinkles and age spots. Under the man's shoulder was his name: <em>Dutch</em>.</p><p>
  <em>He had me stand on top of a radio tower and clear the signal for him to get into contact with the rest of the valley using a shortwave radio. I watched the fog clear from the morning, exposing the rivers and the forests. In the grand distances, I could see smoke rising. It sucked to see something so beautiful when you knew evil shit was happening all around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he patched me into a broadcast John Seed. It was some mumbo jumbo about the power of yes, about how great the cult was and how they were gonna come for everybody, totally up his own ass about it, the whole nine. But then, he pulls out Joey Hudson from the side. She's has binds around her wrists, tape covering her mouth. She looked like shit, but she was alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dutch recommended I start with Fall's End, the town in the county. It was also John's region, and since I only knew where Hudson was, it seemed like a great place to start, anyway. I thanked him for what he did, hopped into an ATV, and was off. But on my way, I heard a radio broadcast from a nearby farm. Rae Rae's pumpkin farm, talking about gunfire and the Peggies. I thought the woman on the other end needed help, so I rushed over. I took out the cultists there - weren't many, but I was too late. The people were already dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I searched the house. Dutch called me on the radio, talking about how Rae Rae was a friend of his, and her death hit him hard. There was a framed photo of a dog on the mantle. I picked it up. Pretty dog, too. Name was Boomer. He won a few medals as a regional champion for what I think was hurdling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Didn't find anything important, and was about to leave, but then I heard barking. On the back of one of the trucks was a cage, with Boomer inside! Dutch told me that every dog in the valley was getting taken to Jacob Seed for reeducation, turn them into violent killing machines. Even though the people on the farm were dead, I could at least save Boomer from a horrible fate with the cult. I freed him, held out my hand. He brushed his nose against it, sniffing, then trotted towards the house of the farm. In the front yard were two bodies, a man and a woman, touching hands. Boomer laid out between them, whimpering.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He simply laid there. I kneeled down and stroked his fur. Then tires squealed at the front of the farm. Well, Boomer hopped up quick, beelined straight for the truck that showed up! I was sure he'd get slaughtered, so I ran after him. When I finally caught up to that speedy dog, he had his teeth sunk into the neck of one of the cultists! I killed the other two who showed up, and Boomer took care of his cultist just fine. I couldn't leave him behind, and he seemed to warm up to me fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Timber reminds me of him a lot. You take care of that dog, Cap. Boomer saved my skin more times than I could count. Think they built him a grave out in the old FANG center. Maybe I'll visit him one day.</em>
</p><p>The next page is another portrait in blue. It had to be Boomer, his tongue lolling out, one ear flopped over, the other sticking right up. He had a collar made of paracords, and spotted fur.</p><p>
  <em>With my new animal companion in tow, we sped towards Fall's End. It was fucking chaos. Homes were burned down, cultists swarming. There was a woman on the ground, getting beaten to a pulp by a Peggie. I sicked Boomer on him, and he killed that guy faster than I could blink. I dragged the woman behind one of the ruined houses. She was the owner of the local bar, Mary May Fairgrave. She was worse for wear, but nothing was broken. She told me the Peggies captured other people, but didn't leave with them yet. There was still a chance to save them. She took up a gun, and we got to resisting.</em>
</p><p>The next page is a leaflet of a woman. She's frowning, with long blonde hair that framed her face. <em>Mary May Fairgrave a</em> caption read under her. Cap raises the leaflet, seeing another drawing of Mary May. She was behind the bar, polishing glasses, hair pinned up, face calm.</p><p>
  <em>We snuck around the back of town, out of sight from the cultists. The local church was a little, whitewashed chapter that barely held thirty people. Peggies captured the reverend there. We killed them, freed him. His name's Pastor Jerome Jeffries. You know him well, Cap. He's a good man, honorable, believes in protecting people and uplifting communities. He didn't hesitate to pick up a shotgun and help us blow those cultists away.</em>
</p><p>Cap blinks at the drawn image of Pastor Jerome on the leaflet. He sat in a chair, head picked up from the bible in his hand. Behind him was the carefully scratched out background of a church. The pastor was certainly younger, with glasses, dressed in an armored vest. He had a smile on his face. Cap turned the leaflet up to see an image of the pastor standing straight and tall, shotgun toting over one shoulder, under it. Cap grinned knowing the good pastor kicked ass, even before the Collapse.</p><p>
  <em>The Peggies put up a good fight, but we were freeing people left and right, and each of them picked up a gun and fought alongside us. They barely stood a chance. We freed the town like we were born to do so. And afterwards, Mary May offered me a drink, and Pastor Jerome shook my hand. They were behind me every step of the way. They weren't gonna let the valley fall to those scumbag cultists, and they needed my help to make sure it stayed that way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I get a call on the radio. John Seed was looking for me. I've been Marked. Dutch told me to keep my head on a swivel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A day passed. Nothing. Another day later, I went off to hunt for game, since that was the only food source the locals had now. I had a team borrow Boomer to help hunt, so I was on my own. The Peggies jumped me. There were ten of them, too many for me to handle, and they hit me with a Bliss bullet. I passed out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I woke up underwater. I struggled against a cultist who was holding me under the surface. They pulled me above the water, and I looked around, seeing others who were captured. It was some fucked up baptism they were performing on us. The cultists led their captures to a van off higher on the shore. My captor tried to lead me forward, only to be stopped by the motherfucker himself, John Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A little about the Seed family and John. Jacob's the oldest, Joseph's the middle one, and John's the youngest. Don't know what happened to their folks, but when the Seed brothers were young, they were split up and shoved into foster care. John ended up being adopted by some rich family, and became a lawyer later on in life. Think he was a tattoo artist on the side, too, certainly had the talent for it. He made bank with his career, and when his adoptive parents kicked the bucket, he got their whole fortune, and used all that money to fund the project, and catch the owners of properties they wanted in legal binds.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at John Seed, and he's dressed like a Hollywood director. Silk shirt, diamond earrings, $200 slacks. The guy looked good it. I was surprised to see him on the ground with the rest of the troops. I guess John wasn't ready to give up that rich lifestyle, even if he did join Eden's Gate. Anyway, John stops the guy leading me to the van.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This one isn't clean yet," He says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he pushes me into the water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was quick enough to take a deep breath before he plunged me down. He held me under the water for a few seconds, then brought me back up. He tutted, and I stared into his eyes. It was like looking into the eyes of a rabid animal. They were wide, deranged and blue. He was ready to plunge me back in the water, but a voice behind him stopped him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you mock the Cleansing, John?" It was Joseph Seed. I watched John freeze up, like a child caught doing something we wasn't supposed to be doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No Joseph," John said back to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was like a switch flipped. John went from that grinning, charismatic leader, ready to snuff my life out like a candle, to fearful. I think he was scared of Joseph. Don't know why, but he was, it was clear as day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that," He pauses, "Bring that one to me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They dragged me forward. I was still drugged up on Bliss, so I couldn't fight that well. Joseph has his shirt on this time, a pressed white button down with a black vest over it. He looked so neat and tidy. He opened his arms to me, then placed his hands on my shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was afraid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know, I know, me, the mighty Judge, fucking afraid, but I was. I thought he'd whip out a knife and gut me, let me bleed out on the sand, but he doesn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Instead, he looks at me, expression dreadfully blank, and goes, "Despite all that you have done, you are not beyond salvation. You're not here by accident or by chance. You are here by the grace of God. You've been given a gift. Now it remains to be seen whether you choose to embrace it....or to cast it aside."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn't know what he meant by all that. I didn't know what gift I had. I still don't think I do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He lets me go, walks over to his brother. He places a hand on his shoulder, whisper, "This one shall reach the Atonement," He leans his head forward, pressing their foreheads together, "Or the Gates of Eden shall be shut to you, John."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes Joseph."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had that going for me, at least. The others may have wanted me dead, but at least Joseph thought I had some redemptive qualities. That saved me from just getting a straight bullet to my head every time we crossed paths.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Father walked off, leaving me and John behind. He seemed irritated. I knew a fear response when I saw one. And like any man caught feeling fear, he turned that fear to anger and spite, and unleashed it onto me. He told me I'd confess all my sins, no matter how small or petty, he'd hear all of them, then he'd see if I was worthy for Atonement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then they led me into the van. I was in there with two other people, and an armed guard. One person said if we confessed right away, we'd be alright. But the second person said that if we did, John might think it false, and press our torture more. She cusses the Peggies out, and the guard beats her in the head with the butt of his rifle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then, all of a fucking sudden, the van flips. It rolls, sending me and everyone else in the van fucking flying, like we were in some antigravity chamber. I cover my head, and end up fine when the van jerks to a stop. Pastor Jerome, God fucking Bless, busts me out!He's got a gun hidden away in his bible, which I think is the weirdest way to pack away your heat, but to each their own. We end up running, and I've got to fucking duck and dodge whole mortar strikes! Thanks to the Pastor, we made it out alive, but it was too close, and a couple folks died trying to bust me out, but nobody held ill will to me. Nobody blames me. Nobody at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's when I realized: I was their hope. I survived all that crazy shit with the Seeds so far, and they were adamant on making sure I survived a whole lot more. And if I was gonna survive, I was gonna make the Peggies' lives Hell while I did it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I came back to Fall's End, and the Pastor wanted to talk to me. He wanted me to check up on some farms, liberate some folks who were captured. I did just that, and while I fended off Peggies from a pig farm, Jerome talked to me through my radio. He told me about the story of David and Goliath, about how even the smallest of us could make the biggest impact, and how no matter who you were, you could always stand up to the biggest bully on the block.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was never the religious sort - still ain't, believe it or not, but Pastor Jeffries was the best example of a rightful, respectful, Godfearing man I had ever seen. I'm glad to see he's still alive, kicking ass and spreading the good Lord's name. I wonder, because he's always been a smart and right individual, does he know it's me? He's so familiar with everyone, I think if I ever got too close, he'd recognize me in a second. Would I want him to?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cap looks up, staring outside her window. The rain still beat down, but the lightning and thunder had stopped. It was getting darker, and Cap realized she got lost in the Judge's words. It was close to four PM, she was sure. Had she been sitting there for that long, reading Judge's words?</p><p>A knock at her door interrupts her. She places the rope the Judge had tied the book with between the pages as a bookmark, and shoved it into her mattress again. She goes to the door, opening it. Carmina is on the other side, smiling."</p><p>"Hey, Cap," She says, "Doing anything?"</p><p>Though she wanted to dive back into the Judge's memoirs, she can't possibly turn away Carmina. She smiles, "Nope, come on in," She invites her in, Carmina taking a seat on her bed.</p><p>"So. Did you do anything today?"</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "Nope. Nothing on the homefront, I'm afraid."</p><p>"Good," Carmina was wearing a small backpack, and she shoved it off, unzipping it and reaching inside. She brings out a few unlabeled amber bottles.</p><p>Cap laughs, "What the fuck are those?"</p><p>"Beer," Carmina says. She takes out a rusted can opener from her bag, popping two of the bottles open, "One of the trucks we raided the other day had a whole case of the stuff packed away," She offers one to Cap, who takes it, "I had to sneak it, since my mom doesn't want me drinking just yet."</p><p>Cap takes a sip, making a face, "Ugh. Wonderful, love it."</p><p>Carmina sips hers, making an even worse face, "Oh, God, why does it taste like this?"</p><p>"Drinking is an acquired taste, Carm. Takes a lot of it to get past how fucking bitter it is," She studies the labelless bottle, then looks up to see Carmina down her drink in a few seconds. Cap laughs loudly, "Christ, Carm!"</p><p>She makes the sourest expression Cap had ever seen, "Oh, Jesus," He sticks a tongue out. Cap laughs, offers her her own drink. She's not in the mood for it, but she enjoys watching Carmina get her first taste of the wonders of booze.</p><p>Time passes, and Carmina just pulls more beers from her bag, and Cap realizes she's packed away around twenty of the fuckers. She doesn't drink, just keeps an eye on Carmina and her alcohol intake. They talk, laugh, shoot the shit and swap stories. It's a few hours later, midnight, and Carmina is well passed out on her bed. The kid had polished off almost eight of the beers by herself, and snored soundly. Cap rips the girl's boots off, and her hat, and pulls the covers over her. She glances outside. The rain stopped, and she saw a few lanterns lit by the main gates.</p><p>But a shadow catches her eye. It moves quickly between the rocks, entering the Cartography office.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, Bean!</em>
</p><p>She doesn't bother waking Carmina. She grabs her pistol, and hurries outside. It's warmer now, everything shining with rainwater. She keeps low to the ground, climbing up the stairs as quietly as she can. She peeks her head in.</p><p>There's Mickey, and there's Bean. Bean is in his pajamas still, but Mickey is all set in the equipment she'd usually wear on a day of patrol, faded blue clothes with motocross armor. She has a large pack at her feet.</p><p>"This everything?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Yup," Bean confirms, "I have maps from every state between here and Michigan."</p><p>Michigan? That was across the country.</p><p>"Thanks, Bean," Mickey says.</p><p>"Good luck out there. Try not to get killed!" He says it with a cheery tone, and Cap cringes on instinct.</p><p>Her foot slips on the stairs. She hisses out, using the wall of the office for leverage, but it's too late. Mickey is outside in a flash, frowning, face tight.</p><p>"Uh, hey, Cap," She says, "What're you doing up so late?" Her eyes drawn to the pistol in her hand.</p><p>"I saw someone go into Bean's office, wanted to know what was going on," She inhales a quick breath, tucking the pistol away, "Sorry, didn't know it was you. Where are you going?"</p><p>Mickey is quiet. She doesn't speak for a few moments, glancing at Bean, who flicks his eyes between the two women. She purses her lips, then lifts her chin.</p><p>"I'm going to see my mom," She says, "All the way out in Michigan."</p><p>Cap exhales, "That's hundreds of miles away."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"It'll take like a month to get over there on foot."</p><p>"I <em>know</em>," Mickey says, a little sharper.</p><p>"Are you coming back?"</p><p>Mickey stares her down, "Why? Do you <em>want</em> me to come back?"</p><p>Cap's heart thuds harshly in her chest, "Well, yeah. We're....we're friends, aren't we?" Though, over the past few months, Cap's friendly feelings towards her evolved into something deeper, more intimate. The fact that they fooled around a few times certainly didn't spade her feelings, either.</p><p>The lines in Mickey's face deepen, eyebrows raising. She, obviously, didn't expect Cap to say that.</p><p>Still, Cap continues, "It wouldn't be the same here without you, and...And I'd be a really shitty friend if I let you go alone."</p><p>Mickey straightens out, flexes her hands, placing them on her hips, "What?"</p><p>"You heard me."</p><p>She huffs, looks at Bean, back to Cap, "You're fucking crazy."</p><p>"Yeah," She says with a nod, "Yeah, I am, but I'd be crazier to let you go on the journey alone."</p><p>"I'll be fine."</p><p>Cap steps forward, "Mickey, please stop acting tough for five minutes. You've been with the Highwaymen your whole life. You crossed the East with a slew of people alongside you. You wanted to renounce them, and if you do, there's no way you can't make it there alone. You'll fucking die, and...." She exhales, "I can't let that happen."</p><p>Mickey turns her back to her, walking over to Bean and his maps. She places her hands on the surface, leaning over it. Bean and Cap make eye contact. He shrugs away.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Mickey shifts in her spot, "I guess my chances would be better if you came along."</p><p>Cap exhales, "Give me twenty minutes, I'll grab what I can."</p><p>Mickey doesn't turn around, "Alright. Twenty minutes."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Cap dresses in her hiking outfit, and grabs her pack. She has her usual equipment she uses for long expeditions, plus extra weapons, ammo, extra clothes, and Judge's book. She glances at the sleeping Carmina in her bed. She strokes through her hair, and Carmina squirms underneath the blanket, sighs. She doesn't want to leave the kid in the night like this, but she couldn't let Mickey leave alone. She takes a spare paper, and a pen, and jots down a quick note, explaining where she was and where she was going, but she'd be back in a flash.</p><p>She then exits the main house, going to the food storage shed. There's plenty of extra food, so she helps herself to a bunch of dry goods, jerky meats, and dried vegetables into a second backpack. She fills two large water jugs from the water spout, rushing back to the front of Prosperity. Mickey is waiting by the front gate, leaning lazily against a wall, Bean by her side. When she notices Cap approaching, she stands straight.</p><p>"That was only ten," She says.</p><p>"I work fast. All set?"</p><p>"Yeah. Let's get a move on."</p><p>Cap turns to Bean, holding her arms out for a hug, "You stay safe, alright?"</p><p>Bean hugs her tightly, "I'll be fine. Be careful," He pulls back, grinning tiredly, "Mickey has all the maps, and," He takes off the compass around his neck, "Here, to help you get there."</p><p>She takes it, "I'll bring it back to you, Pal, don't worry."</p><p>He turns to Mickey, "I'll be honest with you, Mickey. You scare the heck out of me."</p><p>Mickey nods.</p><p>"But....I hope you come back."</p><p>"Thanks, Bean. I'll miss torturing you."</p><p>"Yeah," He nods, "Me too."</p><p>He says a few final goodbyes, then walks back to his office. Mickey tilts her head to Cap.</p><p>"You say your goodbyes?"</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "I left a note."</p><p>"Love 'em and leave 'em, huh?"</p><p>Cap huffs. She would've loved to wish everyone a goodbye, but there were other reasons why she wanted to leave without a stir. Ever since she took Ethan and Mickey back, the rest of Prosperity looked at her differently. She was still the main reason the Highwaymen grip on the valley loosened so, but they didn't think she was too sound of mind anymore. They took extra care around her, asking how she's doing all the time. She could see it in their eyes. Gina Guerra is still pissed at her, and she hasn't seen the woman in over four months, and Nick Rye hasn't treated her the same. Maybe they thought she was traumatized, maybe they thought she snapped. Whatever the case, if anybody saw her leaving with Mickey to travel to the other side of the country, they sure as Hell would've put up a fight over it.</p><p>Mickey jerks her head to the gate, "Let's go."</p><p>They follow the path down the hill. It's quiet, and Cap watches the trees, looking for signs of the Chosen, taking the lead. It's a little cloudy, but the light of the moon illuminates the path.</p><p>"You can still change your mind," Mickey says, "No hard feelings."</p><p>"Don't be dumb," Cap responds, "I wasn't kidding. We're friends, and I'd be real shitty to let you travel alone."</p><p>"The East is more dangerous than anything around here."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"It's crawling with Highwaymen."</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"The animals are bigger and meaner than anything you've ever seen before."</p><p>"Yupp."</p><p>"Not to mention all the radiation that still lingers over there. Miles of land, totally unusable thanks to it. We'll have to take the longest detours ever."</p><p>"Well, I like the scenic route anyway."</p><p>"It'll take us around a month on foot to make it there. And if we survive the journey, it'll take a month to get back."</p><p>"Good exercise."</p><p>Behind, Mickey lets out a loud sigh, "You're so.....<em>hardheaded</em>, Cap."</p><p>"Yeah," She knocks on her own head, "It's all wood up here."</p><p>They walk for a few minutes, and Mickey is at her side now, stepping in tandem with her.</p><p>Neither ignore the person following them.</p><p>Mickey keeps her voice low, "Quiet steps. Could be Chosen."</p><p>"No. They usually come right up to me if they have a message."</p><p>"The Judge playing games?"</p><p>She shakes her head, "They're busy at the moment. They won't be able to see me for a while," And it couldn't be Highwaymen. Calm and quiet wasn't their style.</p><p>"Follow my lead?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>Mickey runs ahead, and Cap follows her closely. Mickey hangs a left, and Cap follows her into the woods flanking the road. They both hop over a fallen log, settling in the brush. Cap holds Mickey's arm, as Mickey holds hers.</p><p>A hooded figure runs by.</p><p>And behind him, Timber.</p><p>Cap and Mickey glance at each other, and Cap hops out from behind the log.</p><p>"Timbs!" She whistles, clapping her hands, "Here, boy!"</p><p>Timber skids in the muddy dirt. He twists around, running straight for Cap. The hooded figure he was chasing turns, too, a little bit of moonlight falling over his face.</p><p>She exhales, making a sound of shock, "What the Hell....<em>Ethan</em>?" Timber circles her legs and she walks forward, "What are you <em>doing</em>?"</p><p>Ethan pulls his hood down, cheeks flushed from running, "I....I saw you two leave together."</p><p>She sighs, "Ethan. Go <em>home</em>."</p><p>"Why? Where are you going?"</p><p>"We're - "</p><p>Mickey emerges from her hiding spot, "It's none of your business where we're going, Eden."</p><p>Ethan grimaces, "Don't call me that."</p><p>Cap puts her hands out, "Hey hey hey, no fighting," She looks at him, "Ethan. You need to go back to Prosperity."</p><p>"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you're both doing slinking around at this time of night," He gestures to their bags, "Packed to the teeth."</p><p>Mickey scoffs, "What we're doing? What about what <em>you're</em> doing?" She steps closer to him, "Sneaking around and following us out here."</p><p>"I'm not sneaking around. I was....following, at a safe pace, making sure nothing strange was going on - "</p><p>"Neither of us need you to watch our backs, <em>Eden</em>."</p><p>"It's <em>Ethan</em>."</p><p>"OK, OK!" Cap says strongly, moving between them, "Stop!"</p><p>Both fall quiet, but don't move their eyes from either. </p><p>Cap sighs, "I'm sure Ethan has a good reason to be following us, like returning Timber to me, right, Ethan?" She looks at him, hoping he'll take the hint, and go back to the settlement.</p><p>Ethan, however, doesn't take it, "You guys are heading East," He fidgets, and Cap notices a large backpack on his shoulders, "I want to come."</p><p>"Fuck no," Mickey spits, "We don't need some burn victim dragging us down and making the journey longer."</p><p>Ethan's lips turn to a tight grimace, "Tell me, how much first aid do you know?"</p><p>"Enough."</p><p>"Is enough going to keep you alive out there?"</p><p>Cap looks at her, "Maybe he's got a point, Mickey. I don't know too much, and neither do you."</p><p>She shakes her head.</p><p>Ethan continues, "Because I know quite a lot. Quite a fucking lot, in fact. I picked up a lot skills with Selene, and you know her as well as I. As weird as she is, she's a medical genius."</p><p>Mickey waves him off, "Just get back to your room, guy, we don't need you," She taps Cap's arm, "I'm not getting any younger, Cap, let's go," She starts walking.</p><p>Ethan's words turn tighter, "I know how to heal infections."</p><p>She doesn't turn.</p><p>"How to stitch up wounds."</p><p>She doesn't turn.</p><p>"How to wrap a broken limb," He starts following, "Do you know how many different kinds of plants are out there? I can help you find herbs that heal, that aren't poisonous so you can eat them, I - "</p><p>"I said," Mickey twists around, "We don't need you."</p><p>Ethan inhales deeply, then exhales, "I'm from the East, I know the area."</p><p>She tilts her chin up, "Which part?"</p><p>"Minnesota. I used to live there, with my mother."</p><p>Cap's eyebrows raise, "You traveled that far?"</p><p>"On foot. I know some paths - "</p><p>"How long ago was that?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"I haven't been there since I was a child -  "</p><p>"Then a waste of our time."</p><p>Ethan, who's cheeks are bright red, turns to Cap, "Captain, I can help you."</p><p>"I know, Eth, I know, but Mickey...." She gestures to her, "Well, it's <em>her</em> trip."</p><p>"Yeah, it's <em>my</em> trip."</p><p>His face changes from irritated and angry to....almost disappointed. Cap isn't prepared for it, and deflates.</p><p>"Oh, Ethan, c'mon...."</p><p>"Captain," He says, "I can't be left alone at Prosperity."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"I can earn my keep there, but to the rest of them, I'm still an outsider, and worse, a Seed. It'll only be a matter of time before they want me out, and without you there to vouch for me, my odds aren't good."</p><p>She nods her head. He had a good point. Ethan already had multiple verbal altercations with some of the people at the compound. It wasn't hard to imagine things getting out of hand, and having Ethan be cast out. And if he did get kicked out, he wouldn't be able to make it on his own in the valley, not with Highwaymen still floating around, and the people of New Eden knowing what he's done to their compound.</p><p>"Captain," He continues, "I'm not as experienced or talented as other medics, but I can earn my stay on this trip, I promise you," He motions to a sack that hangs from the bottom of his backpack, "I've got a herbal kit, same as Selene's. I'll keep you both upright and moving."</p><p>"What about your injuries?"</p><p>"It was only a matter of time before Selene released me, you said it yourself. I have reusable bandages, and enough burn salve to last me a year. You won't have to worry about me."</p><p>"I want to bring you along, Ethan, but...." She looks at Mickey, "It's not my call."</p><p>Mickey slumps. She rolls her eyes. Either she saw his use on their trip, or she just didn't want to be on Cap's bad side, she relented, "Fine. He can come. But if I hear one," She holds up a finger, "And I mean one, complaint, you're turning your ass back around, got it?"</p><p>Ethan nods, "Best behavior."</p><p>"You bringing the dog too?" She looks at Timber, who tilts his head. She sighs, "Last thing we need is a mutt to keep track of."</p><p>"Hey now," Cap slides up to her, "It'll be fine. Ethan's our medic, and Timber can help hunt. Right, boy?"</p><p>Timber lets out a bark.</p><p>"See? It'll be fine."</p><p>Mickey only grunts in annoyance, and keeps walking. Cap looks at Ethan, and pats him on the shoulder.</p><p>"Welcome to the crew, Eth."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I fucking went crazy and wrote out 16K words in two days i love having ADHD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They travel through the night, quiet as can be. They stick to the side of the road, and thankfully, no Highwaymen trucks pass, nor do any valley folks. Cap spots a few Chosen, who see her and wave, or voice hellos. Cap responds politely, but doesn't stop to talk. She glances at Ethan. Whenever a Chosen group passes them, he ducks his head, pulls his hood up. She wonders what any of the groups would do, had they noticed it was Ethan travelling with them. Would they force him to atone on the spot? Kill him? Take him back to New Eden for trial?</p><p>Whatever the case, Cap didn't want to find out.</p><p>None of the team speaks for a long while. Mickey stays ahead, with Cap following, and Ethan taking up the rear. Timber prances around their feet, sniffing at trails, but keeping close.</p><p>They make it to the East river. A boat was left behind, and the team uses it to cross, shoring at the dead, dirty bottom of the hills that surrounded the valley. Cap looks behind her one last time, at the place she's grown to call home. She can see fires in the distance, smoke rising from people on watch duty.</p><p>"C'mon, Cap," Mickey says, already up the hill.</p><p>Cap adjusts her backpack, and joins her team. The hills are steep, and Ethan slips a few times as he tries to keep up, but Cap is right there to help him. They make it to the top, and on the other side of the dead hill, is even more life. Miles and miles of trees and mountains, illuminated by the moonlight to show off rich canopies. Cap whistles.</p><p>Mickey reaches into her pocket, taking out a map, and a small flashlight. She opens up the map, "Which direction is East, Cap?"</p><p>Cap takes out Bean's compass, squinting at the needle, "Er," She points, "That way."</p><p>The crew descends. Cap holds her arm out for Ethan, who takes it, though he grumbles about being fine. As they reach the bottom of the hill, she notices a long, dead tree branch, taller than her, on the ground. She grabs it, and holds it out for him.</p><p>"Here, hold onto this."</p><p>At first, Ethan waves it off, but Cap knows that, though he's stubborn, he will eventually take it, and tucks it away for later.</p><p>And later certainly comes, as Ethan begins to grumble two hours later, and asks for the branch. She hands it to him. True to his word, he keeps everything quiet, and out of Mickey's earshot.</p><p>The dark, cloudy night lightens into a pale blue, and as daylight breaks, Hope's County is far behind them. They wander close to an old, beaten dirt path, Cap staring at her compass, waiting for any change from Mickey, which doesn't come.</p><p>Cap, finally, decides to break the silence, "How long do you think we've been walking?"</p><p>"Just a few hours," Mickey says, "Why? Do you want to stop?"</p><p>"No, just wondering," She turns her head, "How 'bout you, Eth?"</p><p>"I'm fine."</p><p>"Great," Mickey says.</p><p>The sun peeks over the treelines, and the morning comes in full force. They continue until Mickey stops them by a small stream.</p><p>"We should stop and rest," She says, "We won't make it too far if we're fatigued the whole time."</p><p>"Are we going to just be travelling during the night?" Ethan asks.</p><p>Mickey talks over her shoulder, "It's easier that way. Makes us a lot less visible as we make our way there."</p><p>They start to unpack. Cap sets up a tarp that's propped up by large branches, setting the three's bedrolls down.</p><p>"Anyone hungry?" She asks.</p><p>Both Mickey and Ethan shake their heads.</p><p>"Alright, well, you two get some sleep. I'll take first watch."</p><p>"You sure?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Yeah. I'm fine with it, I'm not too tired," Completely true, but she can't ignore the itch she feels to open up the Judge's book again. She was addicted to their story, and needed to unravel their past, as desperate as a starving dog.</p><p>Neither of her companions think too much of it, and settle in for the morning. Cap sits on a rock next to the river, sitting patiently in the sunlight until the two fall asleep. It's a warm morning, and she grins at the sunlight kissing her cheeks until she hears Ethan snore softly, and Mickey snore even softer. She carefully reaches into her pack, grabbing Judge's book.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I end up doing a lot of jobs for the people who are in Fall's End. It's a bit of a difficult place to defend, since it's smack in the middle of large farmland, so there's a lot of problems. We've taken to finding old buses, reclaimed Reaping trucks, and placing them around, flipping them onto their sides to add cover and a barrier from the rest of the open land.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One of my other adventures happened to be helping Mary May get her dad's truck back. Named it the Widowmaker. I've never met the old man, he died before I ever came to the valley, but he used to make the Peggies' lives Hell. He used to ride around in that truck, toting a gun, and scare them off when they came to town. I was honored to be able to help Mary May out. She did a lot more than just run the local bar - she was a pillar of the community. If she was in high spirits, everybody else was in high spirits.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Found the truck pretty quickly, down the road at a farm they took over. I expect a pickup, or something like it. Nah, it was the front part of a loader! It was painted purple with flames, all decked out with leather seats. I climbed into the front seat, and classic rock started playing. Barracuda by Heart. I was sad not to meet the guy, he seemed like a lot of fun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I started to drive it back, and Mary May came chirping through my radio. She told me the truck was fitted with mounted guns, and to give it a try. Well, sure enough, I look over, and there's a second clutch that controls the guns! I get to shooting, and the truck melts Peggie pickups like they're tissue paper. Explosions, everywhere, fires catching, Peggies running from the carnage. I bring the truck back, and Mary May is waiting for me. I don't think I've ever seen her smile so hard.</em>
</p><p>There's a drawing on the next page, this one of Mary May Fairgrave in what Cap guesses is the window of the Widowmaker. Sure enough, she's got a big smile on her face.</p><p>
  <em>I get out of the truck, happy with the delivery, and she thanks me. She steps closer, and leans up, giving me a kiss on the cheek. She pats me on the arm, then takes the keys out of my hand and lets that thing purr. She sat there for a long while. It was her dad's truck, so it's not hard to assume she associated that sound with him coming home.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Couple days later, I get summoned to the church. The Pastor, bless his heart, is attending to some of the wounded, comforting people. That's what a holy man is supposed to look like, someone who's face isn't followed by an army of gunned zealots, looking to judge whoever doesn't follow him or God.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, he's there, and he tells me about a local couple, Nick and Kim Rye. Kim was pregnant, and he was worried about her wellbeing. She was due any day now. I show up to their house, and all I hear is gunfire in the back. I've got Boomer with me, and we both rush to the back. There's a big air strip, with a large open building that served as a hangout, and past that, a couple of hangers that could home a few planes. I rush into the hangout spot, and find Nick is sheltering inside. He's got a rifle in his hand, but he's outnumbered. Me and Boomer get to killing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the dust settles, I pick Nick up. He's a little bruised up, but he's otherwise fine. He starts freaking out, babbling on about how the Peggies took his plane and he needs it to leave the valley with his wife. I tell him I'll get his plane back, but he's gotta watch Boomer while I'm gone. He agrees like it's nothing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The plane is being held at the only other air strip in the valley - John Seed's ranch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's ironic, actually. John Seed tried to destroy the Ryes like a couple of ants, yet they were the ones who emerged victorious. Prosperity is built on the bones of his old ranch, actually. I'm happy to see them thrive while John rots in the dirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I drive out to the ranch. I'm outnumbered, so I take to sneaking around. I almost get spotted a few times, but I get to the garage, and open the doors to the hangar without anyone seeing me. Not until I climb into the plane and start it up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had no idea how to fly a plane, so Nick Rye was helping me through the radio. As soon as I got the hang of it, it was like I was born in that thing. He had me ride around in it for a while, to make sure the Peggies didn't fuck with it too much. I looked down at the ground below, and I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. I land it on the Rye &amp; Sons air strip, and Rye comes out to inspect the plane. He shakes my hand, thanking me like he's thanking God for his life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick Rye is a third generation pilot. He tells me the same plane I just flew had been bought by his granddad back at the end of WW2. He starts yelling for his wife to come out, but then Peggies pull up, and his wife starts yelling. Then planes whirr by our heads, strafing and dropping bombs. He looks at me, and tells me he's better in the air, and that I'm a beast on the ground. We split. I run out to the house, bashing heads and crippling limbs while Nick tears up the skies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it was all over, he lands, and hurries into his house, grabbing luggage and trying to corral his wife outside. Kim Rye is a badass, but she's always been like that. She's a real stand - your - ground type woman. She convinces Nick that the valley needed his help, that he couldn't just abandon a property his family had owned for generations and let it fall into Peggie hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He agrees, and starts bringing everything back into the house. While I would've liked it for them to scurry off, I was glad Nick was staying. We made a good team, me and him. He made a lotta noise up above while I snuck through and beat those Peggies into the below. I start to leave, but Kim stops me, grabbing my hand. She thanks me, and places a hand on her belly, like baby Carmina was thanking me, too. I got called there a few days later, and it was me who had to drive Kim to the midwife to deliver her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's right, Cap. I was there when she was born.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need you to understand something, Cap. Joseph took everything from me when we escaped the Collapse. He took my memories, my identity, my life. I was his. A weapon. His weapon. I wasn't supposed to feel, to remember, to speak. I was to serve him, as penance for what I did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at Carmina now, now that I'm free of the Father, and I feel so....stupid. So stupid that I ignored her all those times we fought alongside each other, against a common enemy. I recognized her immediately as Kim and Nick's kid, soon as I saw her, and what did I do? Nothing. Nothing at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'd like to get to know her. She seems like a nice kid. Well put together, like I knew Kim would raise her to be. Maybe when I see you again, I'll try to ask you.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are images of the Rye family. The first is an image of Nick Rye, sitting in the pilot seat of a plane. He's got his feet propped up on the control board, hat tilted low in an afternoon nap. Another of Kim Rye, when she was younger, sitting pregnant in a rocking chair, smiling and holding a mug. Another page has Kim and Nick asleep together on a couch, a bundle between them, obviously baby Carmina.</p><p>Cap flips the page, and sees a portrait of Carmina, as she is now. She's staring off into the distance, back slightly turned, like the Judge had penned the image while she wasn't looking.</p><p>
  <em>I still feel like I'm chained to the Father, like a dog. Did he ever expect me to write this book? To divulge every little secret he had? To feel? Regret, and fear, and anguish? To feel something other than Wrath, and violence?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, after I helped out the Ryes, I picked up a broadcast from the Lamb of God church, West of the valley. A woman was using Peggies as target practice. Well, I had to see for myself, and see if she needed any help. I show up, and there's Peggies there already. I try to sneak up on one, but his head pops like a grape before I can get within five feet! I look up, and in the bell tower, the woman had made her own little sniper's nest. We clear what Peggies are around, and then I run up to the roof.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her name is Grace Armstrong. She's the clean cut, military type. A little handicapped in the social skills department, but a damned good shot. Won bronze in Olympic sharpshooting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So I ask her what she's doing here. She says she's trying to protect the graves of a few veterans buried at the church. The Peggies are trying to destroy them, her dad's grave included. Well, soon enough, the cultists start flying in. With Grace's sharp eye and aim and my skills combined, they didn't stand a chance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her dad's grave was safe for the moment. Then she asked if she could tag along with me, since I was trying to help out the valley all I could, and was doing a fine good job so far. I agreed, wholeheartedly, and we shook hands. We've been sniper buddies ever since. She taught me a lot about the power of a sniper rifle, but I always preferred a bow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know for a fact that if I stepped foot in Prosperity now, she'd know it was me, eyesight or not. Sad to see her sight go, but I'm glad she didn't let it drag her down. She'll do a fine job at training the next generation of gun toters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Back to my adventure in the valley. I'd say about a week later, after doing my part in fucking up as much of the cult strongholds around as I can, me and Grace are scoping a farm out. She's taking cover in the woods, and I'm investigating the burnt - out remains of the place. Then my radio chirps. John Seed is looking for me, again. I was a bigger thorn in his side than I realized.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A sharp pain hits me in the neck. I got hit with another Bliss bullet. Dizzily, I stumble, and fall, and it all goes black.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up someplace cold, being dragged along the floor by some cultists. One says I'm not worthy of, and another tells him that it's John's will whether I'm worthy or not. I pass out again, and sometime later, wake up, groggy, in a room bathed in red light. I freak out for a few seconds, trying to jerk myself out of a chair I'm tied to, to no avail. I'm still a little weak from the Bliss. I hear struggling, and I look up to see Hudson across from me, tied to a chair, too. She was pushing herself forward, trying to undo herself from her binds. I take a quick look around as my vision unblurs itself. There's bodies wrapped in plastic hanging from the ceiling. I couldn't escape the scent of rotting meat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then, whistling fills the air. As soon as we heard it, we both froze up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John walks into view, with a big toolbox. He walks to this workbench to my right. I shake when I see flesh stapled to the wall of it. Words, like GREED and WRATH and PRIDE cover it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still, calm as can be, like he's got all the time in the world, John empties his toolbox, clearing his workspace up. Then he turns around, and starts his fucking talking. He went on about how his parents taught him 'The Power of Yes,' which meant that they beat him for little things, and didn't stop beating him until he confessed things he never did. And all the while, he's stapling more stripped pieces of skin to the wall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He keeps going. I'm listening, but I can barely look at him, I'm focused on Hudson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He walks towards me, with a little tattoo needle in his hand. He told me the abuse broke him, how he laughed as they beat him, and how all he could say was 'Yes.' He grabbed my shirt, ripped it open, and started cleaning my chest with a cloth and water. He was closer to me than he ever was, and my eyes were drawn to his chest. He wore his shirt unbuttoned slightly, and it exposed two things. One, a key on a leather cord. And two, the word SLOTH carved into his skin, then crossed out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He kept talking. Talked about how he had addiction problems, sex and drugs and all the vices in life, and how he felt empty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until Joseph walked backed into his life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John realized how selfish he was, how he took and received and never gave back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The best gift isn't the one you get, it's the one you receive," He said. I saw, in those blue eyes of his, he felt it true, "Giving takes courage," He dug the cloth into my chest, scrubbing harshly. I could feel my skin turn red from the irritation, "The courage to own your sin."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was trying to keep his emotions in check, I think. I think he saw that raw emotion, that passionate rage, as a weakness, as a sin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"To etch it onto your flesh and carry its burden and when you have endured - when you have truly begin to atone - to cut it out like a cancer and display it for all to see," He took a few deep breaths, "My God that's courage."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me he's going to teach me courage. Teach me how to confront my weaknesses and sins. He started talking about how we'd experience pain like never before, and emerge free.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he asks who wants to go first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I was scared out of my fucking wits. But I looked at Hudson, and she still had that gag around her mouth. She wouldn't be able to say Yes, and I was frightened to know what would happen to her if she did say it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was the strength of Hope County now. I would have to be her strength, too. Despite the pain, and the fear. It wasn't fair to her if I didn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I said Yes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He starts to celebrate. He tells me I won't regret this. Then he walks over to Hudson, and my heart sinks low when he tells me Confession needs to be done in private. He starts to wheel her away, and she starts whimpering. He shushes her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not here to take your life. I'm here to give it to you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He leaves her, goes to me, puts a hand around my neck, squeezes. I could feel my air being cut short, and I heaved. Hudson yells behind her gag.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm going to open you, and pour out your worst fears inside, and as you choke, your sins will reveal themselves."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fought, as much as I could tied down to a chair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Only then will you truly learn the Power of Yes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He lets me go. He grabs Hudson, and tells me he'll be right back, and wheels her out. She yells out as she's dragged away. I let out a quiet sob as I'm left alone in that room. I pick my head up to study the place, and I realize that, on the right of me, there's a stairway. I shake my chair. It's got wheels.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lucky me, John Seed is a little lazy. Too lazy to carry bodies around, at least.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wheel myself to the stairs. I look down at the flight, and think to myself, God, you're going to kill yourself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But it didn't matter. Either I fell, broke my neck, and died, or I throw myself down and try and find Hudson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I take a deep breath, and push myself over. The world spins, my body exploding with pain, particularly my arm, but at the bottom, the chair had broken. I undo my restraints, and rush upstairs, grabbing a baseball bat I find.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I leave the room John was going to torture me in, I look around. It's a bunker. But not just any bunker, it's an old missile silo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I started to sneak through the metal halls, taking out whatever Peggie I saw. Rooms were stacked with bunks, filled with supplies and graffiti proclaiming their love for the father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could hear people yelling, asking why they were there, why the Peggies were doing this to them. I wasn't in the right mind to help them, disarmed and weak. If I could find Hudson, we could gather ourselves enough to save the rest.</em>
</p><p>I<em> open a door, and I can hear John on the PA system. He says he's going to help me release my burden and confess my sins. I take out a cultist, and this one has a gun on him, and I end up missing most of John's personal sermon, since I'm so busy fighting for my life.</em></p><p>
  <em>A woman runs at me. She's got a shaved head, dressed in rags, carrying a bat in her hand to bash my head in with. Her eyes are milky, glazed over, and she stinks of the Bliss. The Peggies call them 'Angels.' Drugged up experiments from Faith's side of the Henbane River. I didn't want to kill them, but I had no choice. It was the Angels, or it was me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I make it to this exit door, and I see John on the other side, and with him, Hudson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Faith created her Angels," He says, "But she never did treat them all that well," He says. Like he cares about the people he's kidnapped, like they're in any better predicament than hers ever were. Like his path to salvation was somehow more benign.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He approaches the door, and hits the PA button, smiling at me. He says he knows my sin. He says it's what drives my thoughts and actions.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me my sin is Wrath.</em>
</p><p>On the next page is an image of the Judge themself. They're standing amongst flames, eyes shaded out, hands clenching a rifle tightly.</p><p>In the margins: <em>When he said it, I could feel my soul shake.</em></p><p>
  <em>John says he's going to indulge me in my Wrath. And when I'm gone, he and Hudson will be waiting for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm powerless as he wheels her out of sight. I bang my fists on the door, yelling, but then I hear the hiss of pipes. John is venting Bliss into the bunker, and the doors to the place are closing, fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all a blur, I have to admit. The Bliss, the anger, the fear and the adrenaline. I grip my pistol tight and just....run. Run like I've got dogs on my heels. John is speaking through the PA, but I can't hear him through the beat of my blood in my ears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I make it outside, sunlight much too bright on my eyes. The outside of the bunker is swarming with Peggies. I don't fight. I just run. I run all the way down that mountain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once I make it across the bridge at the bottom. He tells me if I ever step foot near that bunker again, he's going to gut Hudson and watch her bleed like a stuck pig.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dutch calls me, on my radio. He says he's been trying to call me ever since he heard John kidnapped me. He told me he was sorry about Hudson, but there's not much we can do without bunker access. And John Seed had the only key. We'd have to lure him out by ways of fucking over his whole operation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He asks if I'm OK.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I left Hudson back there, all alone. I left her all alone with that fucking psychopath. And he asks me if I was OK.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fell to my knees, and I cried.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so mad. Mad at everything, everyone. I yelled, and yelled and yelled and yelled until I could feel my throat ache. I was so close to her, so close, but she slipped out of my fingers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson was the designated rookie trainer where I was. She was mature, stern, but she knew when to give up the goat and loosen the reigns, sit back, and have fun. She was more than just my mentor, she was a friend. We spent a lot of nights together at the station, going over case notes and eating take out. I couldn't believe I just left her there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wandered back to Dutch's island. I don't know why I wanted to go there, but I was drawn to it. I felt weak. That's all I could feel. Weakness. Hudson was in that bunker, being tortured while I was outside playing hero.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I made it to Dutch's bunker. I was gone for two days, and was dehydrated, and hungry. I passed out as I reached the bottom. I woke up a few hours later, in Dutch's bed. I try to hop up, but he must've fed me some painkillers while I slept, because I tumble right out of the bed and eat shit on the floor. He must've heard me stumbling around, because he rushed in, and told me to sit back down. My arm was wrapped up. It had a nasty bruise, and he wasn't sure if it was sprained or not. He helped me back into the bed, and he asked me if I was OK.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shook my head. I was so angry with myself, I couldn't even speak. I cried harder, and he watched.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, after I was done, Dutch looked at me. He didn't pity me, or seem sad. He was strangely calm. He gripped my shoulders and told me:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Kid, look," He said, "This....This is horrible. But all this is just the tip of the fucking iceberg. It's just going to get harder and harder. You can't break apart every time something bad happens. If you do that, you'll never get anywhere."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, for a second, I took it as him telling me to get over everything. But it wasn't. It wasn't by a longshot. He was telling me that if I stopped to lose it at every juncture, it would just make the next hurdle that much harder to deal with. I sniffed, like I was five years old and fell on the playground, and he smirked at me. He invited me into his living room for a beer.</em>
</p><p>The next page held an image of Dutch, reclined on a couch. He was grinning, with a beer in his hand.</p><p>
  <em>Everyone seemed happy to see me when I rolled back into town. I called up Grace and the Ryes, made sure they were all OK, and checked in on everybody. Nothing changed since I was gone. Grace was apologetic towards me, thinking it was her fault I got caught, but I assured her it wasn't. There's a lot of guilt weighing on Grace's shoulders, and I didn't want to add any more to it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I left with Grace, I left Boomer with Pastor Jerome, and they were both giddy as Hell to see me. Boomer jumped into my arms, and I almost dropped him. The Pastor held my hand, and told me it was some miracle that I was alive. I smiled at him, thanking him. Then I wandered into the Spread Eagle, and Mary May smiled when she saw me. She gave me a hug, and it lasted a little longer than I would've expected. She pulled back, and told me she was glad that I was alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I spent the next week doing just what Dutch told me to: Fuck up Peggie shit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A tap on Cap's shoulder almost makes her drop her book into the stream. She twists around, and Mickey is staring down at her.</p><p>"Your turn, Cap," She says, "Anything happen?"</p><p>"Uhm...nope, nothin' at all."</p><p>Mickey's head tilts, "What book is that?"</p><p>Quickly, Cap snaps the book shut, "Nothing," She says, cheeks burning.</p><p>Mickey's eyes narrow. She tries to grab the book, but Cap is too fast, and stands up.</p><p>"What's the issue, Cap? Why won't you let me see?" She tries to grab it again, and Cap tucks it under her arm.</p><p>"It's my personal journal," Cap says solidly, but quietly as not to wake Ethan, "I write in it when I feel like it."</p><p>"Oooh," Mickey says with a nod, then smirks, "What kinda juicy secrets you got in there, Cap?"</p><p>She inhales deeply, "It's private. My eyes only."</p><p>The other puts her hands up, "Alright. I'm not gonna make you read it to me," She sits on the same rock Cap was perched on, "Get some sleep, Cap."</p><p>"Thanks, Mickey. Goodnight, uh, good afternoon," She tucks her book under the pillow of her bedroll, takes off her hat and jacket, and lays down. She looks over at Ethan, who had curled himself under his raincoat. Timber, who had been sleeping by Ethan's head, wakes, and notices Cap laying down. He stands, stretches, and trots over to her. He lays by her side, and she curls around him, burying her face in his scruff.</p><p>She sleeps, and dreams of the Judge.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Kim Rye stares at the letter in her hand, scanning the lines over and over again. It reads:</p><p>
  <em>Kim,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't be mad. I caught Mickey sneaking out tonight, and when I asked her why, she said she was gonna visit her mom out East. I've decided to accompany her out there. And no, I did NOT get kidnapped! I left of my own free will, and have taken all my stuff with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you're probably reading this and think I've lost it. But I've gotta go with her, Kim, I've just gotta. It wouldn't be right to let her go out there and die on her own.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you see any Chosen around, tell them to pass this message along to the Judge. I've left the valley, for now, and will be back as soon as I can. We'll be back in two months, give or take, hopefully intact.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell Ethan that I'm sorry for dipping out like this, but I'll be back soon enough. In the meantime, maybe talk to Selene about him. He's taken an interest in herbal stuff like her, and could be a good asset to our cultivation team. He may be a Seed, but he's got a lot of promise. And he's not all bad. Just keep him out of everyone's way, and give him a chore or two, you'll warm up to him in no time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hey, maybe it'll be more than just a trip out East and back. There's a whole 'nother civilization living out there, so who knows what they have. I'll make sure to bring something useful back, I promise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Be back soon,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cap</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS. Tell Hurk that he's welcome to keep Horatio longer. I know he loves that boar a lot. But make sure you tell him: NO CARVINGS ON HIS TUSKS!!!!!</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>When Cap is shaken awake, it's getting dark. The sky was tinged orange with the setting sun. She sits up, and stretches her arms and back.</p><p>"Mornin'," She says with a yawn.</p><p>"It's sunset," Ethan says.</p><p>"Yeah yeah yeah," She waves him off. She notices her two companions are packing up all their things, so she starts packing, too, expertly sliding Judge's book into her bedroll. No way to read at night, plus Ethan and Mickey would just pester her with questions about it, "Anyone hungry? I've got jerky."</p><p>She passes around a bag of dried rabbit jerky, and they suit up, and set off for the night. The weather is fair and nice, a little warm with a cool breeze. Shadow overtakes them as they walk on, trees becoming denser.</p><p>Feeling slightly restless, Cap falls back to Ethan's side, "So...." She starts.</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"You grew up in Minnesota."</p><p>"I did."</p><p>"How old were you when you came to the valley?"</p><p>"Six. My mother accompanied me there, then dropped me off at the front gates."</p><p>"And where did she go?"</p><p>"Back to Minnesota."</p><p>"So....you want to see her?" </p><p>Ethan is quiet for a few moments, "If she's still alive."</p><p>Cap doesn't say anything for a while, a little stunned. She sucks in air through her teeth, "Why....wouldn't she be alive?"</p><p>He responds quickly, "She exposed herself to radiation much too early. She was always sick as she raised me."</p><p>"So....what if we show up to your old place, and she's dead?"</p><p>"Then we move on."</p><p>"So - "</p><p>"Captain," Ethan bites, "Drop it."</p><p>Cap's jaw snaps shut. She's quiet for the rest of this trip, keeping her eyes on Mickey, who trots ahead.</p><p>They stop a few times, to use the bathroom and take water breaks, but the rest of the trip is smooth sailing. When the sky turns lighter, Mickey stops them near a clearing.</p><p>"OK, let's set up camp."</p><p>They set up a fire, and Cap makes her famous vegetable and venison stew, passing around bowls. None speak until dinner is finished.</p><p>"I'll take first watch," Mickey says.</p><p>"No complaints here," Cap says, "Ethan?"</p><p>He shakes his head.</p><p>Mickey grabs her sniper rifle - a beautifully moded thing thanks to Grace Armstrong's gun tutelage, and sets up a nest in a tree that hangs over their camp. Cap sets her bedroll down next to Ethan, who's laying down and staring at the sunny sky. She twists onto her side.</p><p>"Hey. You OK?"</p><p>He's silent for a few seconds, "I'm OK."</p><p>"Did I upset you earlier when I talked about your mom?"</p><p>More silence, then a nod, "I haven't talked about her since I was a child," He stops, distracted by Timber, who climbs between them and settles in. He strokes his fur. He takes a few breaths, "Can I tell you something, Captain?"</p><p>She sits up on an elbow, nodding, "Sure, yeah, of course."</p><p>"I used to write letters to my mother. Little prayers that never left the compound. I never knew if she was alive, or dead. That's one of the reasons I wanted to come along."</p><p>She nods, "You want to see if she's alright."</p><p>"I doubt she is. When we left for Montana, she wasn't in the greatest of health, and it only got harder as the journey went on. She was about on death's door when we finally made it to the Father. She..." He trails off. He pulls his hand away from Timber, rolling onto his side, turning his back to Cap, "Never mind. Forget it."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"Positive," He's quieter than before.</p><p>She inches closer, reaching over and laying a hand to his shoulder, "I'm always here to listen, Ethan, y'know?"</p><p>He doesn't respond. Cap pulls her hand away, and leans back onto her bedroll. Timber scuttles forward, laying his head on Cap's chest. He lets out a mighty sigh, blowing hot air into Cap's face. Full of stew and the warm sunlight drifting over her, it's not hard for Cap to be pulled into a deep sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The Judge stares at the portrait of the Father on the mantle. They've gotten rid of every other emblem of Joseph Seed they've found, but this one gives them pause. It was just the last visage of him left. His book was gone - that cursed book - and now there was only this painting on the weathered hide of a cow. The edges were burnt from the fires the twins set to the compound.</p><p>There's a rustle of leather, the flaps of the lodge opening. They twist, standing tall as a Chosen comes through. He kneels, but Judge is quick to help him back to his feet. They don't want the mantle of the Judge anymore, and the loss of that mantle means the loss of their rank. They were equals to the rest of the people of New Eden now. They were nothing to bow to.</p><p>The Chose, though confused, nods their head, "A message, Judge. From Kim Rye, of Prosperity."</p><p>The Judge makes no sound, but their eyebrows crease. What could she want? Had Cap finished their book already? Maybe she gave it straight to the Ryes?</p><p>The Chosen continues, "The Captain of Security has left the valley, and shall return in two months or less."</p><p>Their breath catches in their throat. They nod their head, shoulders straightening. <em>Anything else?</em></p><p>"Nothing else to report, Judge."</p><p>They don't dismiss the man as they run out of the tent. They tighten the strap of their quiver, rushing out of the front gate. They run through the trees, hopping over branches and logs and small ledges, deftly avoiding Highwaymen and other Chosen hunting bands. They blend with pack animals, speeding through their ranks. Their skills, learned, harnessed, perfected, propel them forward, as well as worry. Cap wasn't one to leave without a word, especially to them.</p><p>They run straight for the front gates. Someone yells out, but they don't care. They grip the edge of the wall, heaving themselves up, and landing smoothly in the grass on the other side. They stand tall, and suddenly, a few armed lookouts have surrounded them. They glance around, and in annoyance, they throw their bow down. They undo the clasp of their quiver, letting it drop, arrows scattering. People stop to watch, but the only person they care about is Kim Rye, who comes rushing out of the main house.</p><p>She tells the armed guards to stand down. Judge makes a writing motion in the palm of their glove. Kim reaches into her jacket pocket, bringing out a small notebook, and a piece of charcoal, handing it to them. They scribble down their words.</p><p>
  <em>Cap?</em>
</p><p>Kim stares at the surrounding guards. She tells them to disperse, and get back to their duties. They do, and she waves the Judge into the main house. They follow close, leaving their weapons on the ground.</p><p>She says something as she leads them to Cap's private room. Judge isn't listening. They burst the door open, and begin searching. Half of her clothes were still there, books and the tools she used to fix her weapons were left behind. They tear her room apart, seeing that her travel pack, all of her camping essentials, all gone. Their book is gone, too. They heave air, and turn to Kim.</p><p>
  <em>When did she leave?</em>
</p><p>"Last night."</p><p>
  <em>Leave anything?</em>
</p><p>"On the desk," She says, "She left a note."</p><p>They grab a sheet that was left on Cap's desk. They read it, again and again. They slam the note down, and take Kim's notebook and scribble words down.</p><p>
  <em>Bad feeling.</em>
</p><p>Kim nods, "Carmina found it this morning."</p><p>
  <em>Don't trust Mickey.</em>
</p><p>"But Cap does. That's the problem."</p><p>They let out a harsh growl. They open a drawer in Cap's desk. Inside are her sunglasses. They carefully pick the glasses up. They saw these aviators just as much as they saw Cap, rarely seeing her on a sunny day without the,. They hold them up to the light, dark amber filtering through. They're reminded of Joseph's sunglasses, all those years back.</p><p>They pocket the note, and the eyewear. They turn back to Kim. <em>Where's Ethan?</em></p><p>She shakes her head, "He's gone, and so are his things."</p><p>Their stomach drops, a fire in their chest lighting. That didn't make sense. If Cap did leave, she left Ethan behind. Where did he go? She wouldn't lie about taking him.</p><p>
  <em>Anyone else missing?</em>
</p><p>"Her dog."</p><p>Timber. If Cap had left of her own volition, she wasn't going to leave her beloved pooch behind. But Judge can't shake their gutted feelings.</p><p>
  <em>Anyone see her leave?</em>
</p><p>"Nobody has come forward. She slipped out in the middle of the night. My daughter told me she fell asleep in Cap's room last evening, and when she woke up this morning, she was gone."</p><p>They turn back to the window. They stare outside, and their eyes draw to the Cartography office. Bean is standing in the doorway, staring at the main house. They squint their eyes. They knew some of Cap's inner circle well enough, and they knew that Bean, if nothing else, was predictable. He had a schedule, patterns he liked to follow. He wore the same outfit everyday of his life, with the same bits and baubles.</p><p>So when Judge notices that he's missing his compass, they know something is amiss.</p><p>They run out of Cap's room, straight for the office, straight for Bean. They run up the stairs, and it scared Bean enough to send him on his behind. The Judge stares down at him, breathing hard. They take the note out of their pocket, shoving it into his face.</p><p>The kid's face is bright red, and he shakes slightly. He looks like he might cry.</p><p>They push the note more into his space, until he takes it with trembling fingers. They give him a few moments to read it. His eyes glance up at them.</p><p>They scribble out a note. <em>Where's Cap?</em></p><p>"S...." Bean swallows, "She and Mickey went to Michigan."</p><p>They let out a loud growl. Bean cowers.</p><p>"I - I swear, that's all I know! I gave Mickey the maps, and Cap bumped into her before she could leave, and she got Mickey to take her with her."</p><p>
  <em>Ethan?</em>
</p><p>Bean shakes his head, "He didn't leave. If he did, it wasn't with Mickey and Cap."</p><p>
  <em>No lying.</em>
</p><p>"I - I'm not! I'm not lying, I swear, she went with Mickey on her own, I swear!" He's got an arm up to protect his face against whatever blow he thinks the Judge will land on him.</p><p>"Hey! Stop!"</p><p>They twist around. Kim Rye is standing at the bottom of the stairs, a pistol brandished in her hand, "Leave him alone!" She yells out.</p><p>They quickly scan the area. Everyone in the settlement had stopped their duties, holding onto their gun holsters, or simply watching with wide, curious eyes. They watch familiar faces, old and weathered, come out to defend their home from the Judge, and whatever violence they think they bring.</p><p>The Judge looks back to Cap, meeting her eyes, and like the strong, bold woman Kim is, she keeps their gaze. The worried, hard look on her face softens, just so. Just enough to make Judge worry.</p><p><em>Rip off the mask. Rip off the mask. Rip off the mask,</em> Their mind chants at them, harsh and grating. But they aren't ready for it, not yet, not so soon.</p><p>Horrifying the Judge, Kim Rye packs her pistol away.</p><p>Judge yanks Cap's note from Bean's hand, and hops down into the courtyard, grabbing their bow and quiver, leaving their arrows behind. They climb the wall of Prosperity, and escape into the forest, wanting to rip their own eyes from their sockets.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Warm sunlight wakes Cap up. She stares into the sky, seeing white clouds dot the blue. By the height of the sun, she guessed that it was just past noon. She rolls over, looking at Ethan. He was facing her, but he was still asleep, Timber having moved and curled up against his chest. He didn't seem at peace at all, eyes rapidly moving under his eyelids, face tense.</p><p><em>Bad dreams,</em> Cap thinks to herself. She sits up, stretches out. She grabs Judge's book, expertly hiding it under he windbreaker, and walks over to where Mickey set up shop. She was perched in a low tree, hanging out on a large branch, one leg swinging. She notices Cap approaching.</p><p>"My shift over already?"</p><p>"Mhm," Cap easily climbs up, settling farther down the branch, "Anything weird?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Cap looks up at the sun, squinting, "Can't believe I forgot my shades."</p><p>"You'll live," Mickey says. She doesn't move from her spot, staring, "What's the real reason you're here with me, Cap?"</p><p>"I told you already. I want to see you make it there there safe, and come back to Prosperity safe."</p><p>"But why? What have I ever done for you?"</p><p>"I don't need you to do anything for me, Mickey. I do it because I think it's right," She sighs, "That's all I've ever wanted to do. Help people."</p><p>Mickey eyes her, as if the more she looked, the more she'd understand. She shakes her head, "I don't fuckin' get you," She says, and she jumps from her perch before Cap can say another word. Cap watches as she walks off to their camp, head down, hands in her pockets and rifle slung over her back.</p><p>She sighs heavy through her nose, and takes Mickey's spot on the branch. She takes out Judge's book, flipping back to the page she left off of.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Because of my interference, John decided he needed to punish the valley. He had this big Reaping truck, a monster of a thing with iron paneling and escorts, travelling through the valley to enact the Father's divine will, and take supplies from the people of the valley. Called it the Revelator.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I snatched this plane from the Peggies a little while ago. It was a dogfighting plane from WW2. A collectible, I think. I enjoyed taking it from John, thinking about the couple grands he probably dropped on it. I had it sitting in Nick Rye's hangar. When I heard about the Revelator, I called up Nick, asked if he wanted to take the thing for a spin. He was happy to pilot the thing while I manned the guns. We followed the Revelator, and once it passed this empty intersection, I opened the bottom of the plane up and dropped a bomb right on it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Boom. The thing exploded like it was filled with fireworks. It sent the escorts into the ditches, smoking. Me and Nick laughed watching the things burn.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We landed back at his home, and took a break in his hangout spot. It had a TV and a little bar, some neon signs hanging up. He opened up two beers, and told me to sit down. He laid it all out for me, telling me how much he appreciated me saving his life, and his family. How he was glad that he decided to stay. He smiled the whole time, but wouldn't look me in the eye. I asked him if he was OK. He said no. I asked him why.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He starts telling me how scared he is. For his family, for himself, everybody in the valley. He tells me how the Ryes have always been in the valley, always been helping the community out, lending a hand to everybody who asked for it. He told me that he's glad he was convinced to stay, because if he left, it would be a spit in the face of everything his daddy and his granddaddy built.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I reach over, and put a hand on his shoulder. I say; "Nick. I don't think I ever could've made it this far without your help."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's hard seeing him now, with his planes decommissioned, grounded, but he's got his family together. Maybe if we can get a heli for him, he won't seem so short - tempered all the time. I doubt the Highwaymen would ever let us escape with one, though.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Next day, me and Grace are scoping the valley out. We get to these burnt out ruins, and it's swarming with Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wonder what they're hiding," I say to her. She's quiet, and I don't think much of it, since that's just Grace. We get in a big gunfight, and we end up victorious. I look at the burnt out place, and it's smoldering. There's little flames licking at the sides, but nothing unmanageable. I ask her aloud if she knows who's house it was. She says it's hers.</em>
</p><p><em>I asked her what her story is, and why they'd burn her house down, and she tells me the Peggies killed her dad. They were driving together one night, and the cultists came out of nowhere, ran them right off the road. They assumed both Armstrongs were dead, so they left. Grace survived, but her dad didn't. Her and her dad were both army vets, and the Peggies were threatened by their presence, because they reminded the people of the valley that strength existed in other places besides behind the fences of their communes</em>.</p><p>
  <em>I tell her I'm sorry. She says it's fine, and that there's a bunker built beneath the house if I want to raid it. I ask her to come in with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We go in, and it's untouched. Cultists haven't found it yet. It's neat, and ordered, with plenty of trophies, like Grace's bronze medal, and an old rifle on the wall. I ask her if she wants to take anything. She says no, really quietly. I ask her if she wants to talk about it, that I'm a good listener, and that she can tell me anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She says no, but she sits down on one of the beds, staring at the wall next to the other, presumably the one for her dad. I sit by her feet, and stay quiet. After a while, she moves a hand to my shoulder. She says to me, real quiet; "Thank you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What for?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"For helping me out at the cemetery."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at her, and say I don't need thanks. She's already thanked me enough by sticking by my side through all this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's gonna kill me for writing all this down, but it's the first time I've seen any sort of softness in her. She was usually hard as steel, never letting anybody in, but this time was different.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's staring at me, eyes glossy. I shift a little, and she grabs the collar of my shirt, and pulls me up. Her kisses are hungry, lonely. We spend the whole day in that bunker together, and everything she wants from me, I give her, no questions asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we finally left, we never spoke about it again. Only happened once. Wasn't opposed to it happening again, but that was up to her, not me. I understood she did it because she was in a state where she needed it, needed something to remind her that she was still human, still alive, that there was more than just her grief, no matter how overwhelming it was. That there was some calm and passion in a whirlwind of chaos and violence.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of a young Grace Armstrong, asleep under the shade of a tree, rifle tucked safely between her legs.</p><p>
  <em>Some days later, we've basically cleared John's side of the valley. All of the cult strongholds around are in the hands of the folks of Hope County, and I've been making sure to blow up every truck of theirs I see.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John Seed had had enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He chirps over the radio, and tells me to come to Fall's End.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think the worst, thinking he's overrun the town and killed everybody. I show up, and it's like a ghost town. There's nobody, not even a body. I run to the church, and swing the door open, only to have the butt of a rifle smack me square in the forehead. I blacked out, and when I woke up, John Seed was over me, and my chest seared with pain. I struggled, and he made a joke about the tattoo he was writing on me.</em>
</p><p>The next page is of someone with two guards flanking them, their head tilted low and hiding their face. On their chest is the words WRATH.</p><p>
  <em>He forces me to my feet, and I can feel blood drip down my chest, staining my clothes, making a pool. I look around, and there's Mary May, Pastor Jerome, and Nick Rye. I look around for others, but find none. No, he took us four. The four people that brought the valley together, that inspired the hope in Hope County. He was going to make examples of us. I shuddered as I watched him make some offhand comment, and then he says; Let's begin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They drag me closer to the back of the church. Nick and the Pastor are shirtless, Mary May isn't. The Pastor has a bible in his hands, and John slaps the good book onto the ground, replacing it with the Word of Joseph. John tells me that a friendly face might make my Atonement easier. If I wasn't so scared for the rest of them, I would've stared him down, but I couldn't look away from Pastor Jerome's chest. He had a nasty gash over his left peck. John had already carved his sin off, and stapled it to the wall of the church behind. I feel fucking sick to my stomach as I watch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He forces the Pastor to stand in front of Nick, tells him to repeat some prayer. Jerome doesn't say anything. A Peggie taps a gun to his head. He doesn't say anything. John looks at his assistant, and he beats the Pastor in the head with the pistol, and he crumples. Mary May tries to attack John, but she's quickly pulled back. I'm breathing so heavy, my whole chest feeling like it'll constrict on itself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John laughs, "Let's try that again," He says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He repeats the prayer, and as he does, Nick interrupts him. I want to tell him to shut the fuck up, but nothing comes out. Nick tells him he'll never join. He calls Joseph a psychopath, and that got John heated. He pushes Jerome away, and Nick gets into his face. He's held back by his hands by two Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John, unworried, gestures over him, "There it is. GREED. Always thinking of yourself."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick snorts, and spits a loogie onto John's face. I hold my breath, and I'm thinking, Nick Rye, he's gonna fucking kill you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John laughs, and he grabs Nick by the shoulders, and pulls him in close, whispering into his ear. I can't hear anything he says, but suddenly, Nick stops fighting. He stops fighting, and freezes, and I watch his face fall. John pulls back, unworried, grinning, like he's passed along a secret.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick looks at me. He looks at me, and I can see the fear in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes. Yes, I will atone," He says. He says it blankly, like he's got no choice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I watch, helpless as can be, as they tackle him to the ground, and strip off the sin from his chest. Mary May is yelling, and I feel like I'm gonna burst out of my skin, I'm so fucking mad. Nick yells out, in pain, and John holds up his flayed skin like it's a newborn, hands and shirt bloody.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That is the Power of Yes. The power to take away your sins," And he staples the skin to the back wall, kneeling down by Nick, "The power to set you free."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He walks off, turning his back towards us. Me and Jerome make eye contact. He's just an angry as I was, I could see it. He looks down at his bible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that's what grabbed my attention. Pastor was holding his bible, not the Word of Joseph.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John stops jerking off, or whatever he was doing in the back, and places a hand behind Pastor's neck. He recites his prayer, and Jerome spits is back, harshly. He pushes the bible out to me, and it amazes me John hasn't noticed yet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jerome sniffs, pushing forward, "Say. Yes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I flip open the bible, and I get a shot off on John before anyone can stop me. It only grazes him, though, gets his ear, blood pouring out. The Peggies grab that bastard, and run out while we all struggle with our captors, saying something about getting John to his ranch. I kill every last Peggie left in that church, and then I check up on Nick. He's bleeding like nobody's business, and I don't even know how to stop up a wound that big, and he's groaning from the pain, and every time I touch him the groans just get louder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Mary May comes up, and taps me on the shoulder, and tells me John's gonna get away if we don't hurry. Pastor Jerome stays behind to take care of him, and me and her run out. There's this armored truck with a gun mount, and she tells me to man it while she drive. I'm seeing red, it's all I can see, and I'm blowing up trucks and shooting the limbs off of Peggies like they're cockroaches.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We look up into the sky, and John's already in his plane, flying across the valley. Mary May swears, and then we get a call on the radio. It's Nick. He says to meet him on the airstrip, and he shows up with that pretty dogfighter we snatched a week back. He asks me to man the gun while he flies. I wanna ask him if that's a smart idea, since Nick has some random shirt on, and there's a big, wet stain in the center over his scar, but John is already on the move. I'm a shit flier next to Nick's skills.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hope in, and take off. He's just as mad as I am, and he's right on John's tail. I'm strafing the guy in the air, but he's got his own pilot skills, and weaves through easy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John starts to mock and belittle Nick, but Nick cuts him off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fuck you!" He says, "You're a Goddamn demon and we're gonna send you straight back to Hell. You hear me? You're a dead man!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then John says something about WRATH being contagious, but I can't hear it over the sound of the canon fire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're chasing him around in the air, and John doesn't stand a chance against an ace pilot like Nick. He crashes near a lake, and I tell Nick not to bother landing, and open the top hatch of the plane. I parachute down as John speaks through the radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brothers. Sisters. Do not fear. We have prepared for this. The Father had shown us the way," He's coughing, injured, I guess, "Prepare my bunker, I am coming to join you....We will await the Collapse together...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But John never makes it to his fucking bunker. I find the remains of his plane in the lake, flaming. John is crawling onto the shore, drenched, a little blood on his lips. I grab him by the collar, yanking him up, then slamming him back down on the ground. He groaning in pain, and I want to make him hurt more. He's gasping, for air, and I grab the key from around his neck. He grabs my wrist, pulling himself up to speak.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What if Joseph is right? Did you ever stop to think about that? Everyone thinks he's crazy, but he's not. Look around you. The world is on the brink. You can feel it in your bones. Look at the headlines," He laughs, Look who's in charge!" He coughs, and I pull, but he doesn't let me go, "You want this key because you think you're saving people but they are already safe. We had a plan."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He loses that grin, that dying giddiness. He frowns, and I see fear well in his eyes, "You don't understand. You don't believe. You don't care!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rip the key off of him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"May God have mercy on your soul," He says, and he lets go of me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he doesn't die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, his wounds were all superficial. If I left him be, thinking he was dead, he would've gotten scooped up by his followers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tuck his key away, and then grab the front of his shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's kicking at me, screaming, trying to pry my fingers from his coat, but I'm much stronger than him, and he doesn't get an inch from me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do they call you, John?" I ask him, meeting his eye, "The Baptist?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mouth falls open, almost as if he's in shock, and I plunge him into the water. I sit over his legs, keeping his head under the surface. I can hear him yelling under the water, bubbles of air popping at the surface. I keep my eyes on that fucking plane in the middle of the lake. He wanted my attention, to have at least the satisfaction of dying with his finals words already said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's the best Fuck You I ever could've given him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hold him until he stops thrashing. I pull away, my clothes soaked, and kick his body further into the water. He drifts, like a hot log in a toilet. It didn't feel good to kill him, but it felt good to know I got rid of his torturous, murderous self, and saved a couple lives along the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pick up a rock, throw it at John's lifeless corpse one last time, and start running up the mountain to the bunker.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I run up that mountain like I'm running over fire. People call me over my radio, but I don't respond, too focused on getting Hudson out. It's heavily defended, so I call up Nick Rye, asking if he can do a bombing run on the place, and Grace, asking if she can scout from the treelines. Both are there in a few minutes. I watch Nick Rye strafe and bomb the place, while Grace takes advantage of the confusion and snipes out everyone not hit by Rye's plane.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Soon as I see an opening, I run through, and stick my key into the bunker entrance. It opens, and I run in, LMG cocked. They were prepared for me, a whole swarm sitting by the entrance stairs. I gun them down like they're nothing, and run through the bunker. I don't know if it was the adrenaline, or the Peggies just weren't trained enough, but it felt so easy to take them all out, like....like I was meant to do it, it was so easy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I turn the corner, taking a flight of stairs down, and end up in a room bathed in amber light. It smells like rotting meat, bodies hanging from the ceiling, some wrapped in plastic garbage bags, others on display with antlers and flowers pinned to their skins. Sick displays of the arts. There's bodies propped up in chairs, too. I check each, not seeing Hudson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And as I'm checking, and Hudson jumps out at me. She grabs me, and tries to stab me with this sharpened metal end she's got in her hand. She punches me in the jaw, knocking me to the floor. She hops on top of me, knife raised, reading to pierce it through my skull. I hold against her arms, and she fights, teeth bared. I think if she wasn't so weak from torture, she would've taken me out. I meet her eyes, and they're like a cornered animal's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stops, "Rook?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod, nod so hard my head might fly off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pulls away, and starts saying Oh God, Oh God. She looks at me, and I feel so fucking sorry, "I didn't think you'd come back," She says, and she may as well have stabbed me, because that's how I felt. I felt like I failed her, even though I found her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She keeps going, "Something started happening," She grabs my arm, "All the fucking Peggies started scrambling around. All the doors started closing, locking us inside," She breathes heavily. She's got a black eye, some cuts on her face. Her nose is bloodied, and the blood is dry, "I thought I was gonna be down here forever."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grab her hand, squeeze it; I'd never leave you down here, Joey, I say to her. I grab her by the shoulders, and help her to her feet. She's weak, but she stands. She looks behind, and propped up on one of the bodies, is a portrait of Joseph Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She points to it with her knife, "All....All because of him. Him. That fucking....fucking - " She grabs the portrait, "Fucking piece of shit!" She smashes it on the ground, glass shattering. She falls over it, kneeling. I rush to her, got a hand on her back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He would come down here and he would just stand there and watch. We were begging for mercy," She starts to laugh grimly, "And he would just fucking watch."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck the Peggies. Fuck Joseph Seed. I was gonna make every last one of them fucking pay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shoves the portrait away, but doesn't stand, staring at the metal floor. She takes a deep breath, "The others....OK....There were other people down here with me," She sits up, and I help her stand, "We are gonna get them out. And then we are gonna burn this whole fucking place down. Help me, or stay out of my way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The next page is of Joey Hudson. She's got tan skin and long hair pulled into a braid that hangs over her shoulder. She's got a stern look to her, a shotgun perched in her hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tells me we've got to get to the control room to free the others. I follow her as she takes the lead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She says "Stay calm," And I don't know if she was talking to me, or herself. While she unlocks all the rooms, I gotta go down and open the doors. I exit, immediately met with Peggie interference. They don't stand a chance, and they get shredded by my gun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I free what prisoners I can, but the last prisoners' cells are locked by another control room. I'd have to hop the silo platforms to get there. I nearly pissed my pants, looking down at the empty silo. It was a long drop with a concrete bottom. I dropped to a bottom platform, and ran to this control room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson told me to start blowing the control room up, and so I did just that. Sparks flew, a couple monitors pouring out smoke, She told me the rooms were unlocked, and to get back to the silo. The bunker starts shaking, and I've gotta climb up the platforms of the silo. I almost slipped a few times getting there, but it was no issue getting to where Hudson wanted me to be. It was a room filled with bliss tanks, and other fuel. She tells me to blow em up, and I do just that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smell of bliss, sickly and bitter, fills my lungs. I should've really started wearing a gas mask, now that I think about it, but hindsight is always 20/20.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joey says that the place is about to blow. She's gonna make it out with the rest of the prisoners, and I tell her I'm gonna catch up with her later.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I make it to the top of the silo, and I get a call from Jerome. He says he's on his way. I hold out for a bit, shooting Peggies scrambling to take me out. The top of the silo opens, and up above, a helicopter dips low. I throw a grappling hook on its side, and pull myself up. The Pastor is there to pull me in, and I feel my lungs burn from smoke and strained effort.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That night, it's filled with fucking fireworks. Everybody is celebrating the death of John Seed, the liberation of that side of the valley, and everywhere I go, people look at me with a grin, and keep handing me beers. I get to the Spread Eagle, and it's packed with people, Nick and Mary May are laughing it up, and he walks up to me, hands me another beer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Goddamn," He says, "I ain't never seen anything like that before."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jerome comes up, looks at me, "I know we saved you for a reason," He says. I laugh, and we bump bottles.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mary May calls me over, and I lean over the bar. She says, "You gave us something back we thought we'd never have again. Hope," We clink bottles, "Whatever happens next, we're with you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look over, and Hudson is standing at the bar. She tells me, "That was a Hell of a job, Rook. The way I see it, you're the one in charge now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I laugh, because I think she's joking. But I look in her face, and she's fucking serious. I pat her arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If you ever need anything, you just let me know."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We party hard. I get so wasted I don't remember my name. I'm outside the bar, leaning up against the side, watching the streets as people celebrate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I hear my radio go off. It's a private channel, I can tell by the pop it makes when it comes on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"A seal has been opened," Joseph Seed says, "My brother John was loved by few. Feared by many. Misunderstood by all.....Except me," He sounded so sad, grieving, "John was not born a monster. He was just a child when our family was torn apart. He was loving. Kind. Full of joy...He was easily preyed upon. John was not perfect. Sometimes he was not even good. But he was my brother."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And those responsible for his death will be punished. I promise you that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look around me, staring around. I stumble to the barrier of trucks we've made, standing on top and keeping watch, waiting to see troops march through, guns blazing, seeking revenge for the fallen Seed. None come. The radio cuts off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wish I could feel sorry for John Seed, like how Joseph felt sorry for him. I get it, he had a horrible childhood, had people that he was supposed to trust use that against him, but all the sob stories in the world couldn't make me feel sorry for kidnapping and torture. Nobody's pain is worth more than another person's life. No matter how much you hurt, how badly you're in pain, you never have the right to take that out on other people.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are of John Seed. One has a portrait of him smiling, staring with wide eyes. Even on paper, Cap could feel his uncomfortable gaze, like he was ripping into all your secrets. Another, of him peering through the window of a door, Hudson behind him. The last is of him, mostly unrecognizable by water as the Judge holds him under the surface. Cap runs her fingers over the images. They're scratched in so deep, she can see pen marks imprinted on the other side.</p><p>
  <em>Next morning I wake up, with a big ol' hangover, and I get summoned to the Spread Eagle. Mary May had some work for me, some little stuff, like helping move boxes and stock shelves and fix a few doors. I didn't understand why she needed me for such little jobs she could do herself, but I didn't say a peep, just did what I was told.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could see the way her eyes followed me, shining with a bit of appreciation. She was a pretty woman, and I couldn't help but blush every time she looked at me. I feel for her hard, I'll be honest. I always did, I think, falling for the first girl to bat their pretty eyes at me. I was helping her move some old chairs upstairs, since her apartment was right above the bar, and when we were done, she offered me some coffee. She had some strawberries in the fridge, and she offered me a few, some sugar sprinkled on top. I asked her if she was alright.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I am now," She says to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She invites me into her bedroom. She's smiling the whole time. On her skin I saw a sin scratched in, ENVY. I keep my eyes off of it, and on her, and watched her come undone in my hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I left a few hours later, and told her I'd come by whenever she called, if she wanted. She smiled at me, and said she'd find a few jobs to keep me on that side of the valley. We met up quite a few times after that, and each time we did, she just smiled bigger, because every time we met up again, more of the Peggies were pushed back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we were in the remains Fall's End, I found a note.</em>
</p><p>The next page holds a short note, yellowed with age. It reads:</p><p>
  <em>This town's like a shitty parent. Never was the nicest to you, but you always got a soft spot for 'em. Fall's End looked after everyone, every single person....except me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Vigil tried, at least, and I'll always love him a bit for that. Grinning idiot. Glad he didn't live to see the town like this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mary May died though. She never even went underground. She worked so hard, maybe even to death, to keep this place going. Not like it worked. She probably had too much radiation in her by the end, but I think she died of a broken heart.</em>
</p><p>The Judge's text continues.</p><p>
  <em>I was hoping she was still alive, shacked up with someone, but when I found that note, all my hope was dashed out. Peggies took everything from her. Her dad, her brother. Then the fucking Collapse happens, and it tears away the little things she had left. Bringing people together, and running that bar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel so fucking sorry. I always think of what I could've done differently. Maybe if I just killed Joseph before it all happened, she would still be here, hunkered down in a bunker with someone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm not gonna say we were in love. We weren't, but we were friends, and I would've given my life for her, the same way she would've given her life for me.</em>
</p><p>Next page holds a leaflet. It had Mary May, curled up in the blankets of a bed, sleeping. Her long hair was sprawled out around her. On the inside of her arm, ENVY was carved in. Cap raises the leaflet, and underneath is Mary May Fairgrave, smiling, with a halo over her head and wings on her shoulders.</p><p>
  <em>A day later, and a few minutes of debating, I decided to go after Jacob Seed next. I thought if we crippled their forces, it'd make Faith's region smooth sailing. Dutch rings me, and tells me to head over to the old lumber mill. His niece, Jess Black, is scoping the place out. I tell Hudson to stay behind and watch the valley while I'm gone, tell her to stick with Grace Armstrong in protecting the roads. She wishes me luck in searching for the rest of our crew, and wishes she could come with. I've got Boomer with me, and we cross into the North.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Hudson. She's sitting on the edge of a building, with Grace Armstrong, the both of them overlooking the horizon.</p><p>
  <em>The mountains are beautiful. It's heavily wooded, animals everywhere. If it had been any other time, I would've loved to explore the place. While the nature is untouched, the roads and buildings are chaos. Bodies are propped up on crosses, scavengers pecking at their rotting flesh. We get chased down by a squad of Peggies, and while the people are easy, the animal companions aren't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Peggies called them Judges. Wolves, tortured into becoming killing machines that served the Father. All of them had white fur, bleached from Bliss baths. They fought harder than anything I've come across before, and almost tore Boomer open. It took a lot of damage. Most of my ammo, even.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it's finally dead, I look at Boomer, "Let's try to avoid these ones, alright?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Boomer lets out a huff in agreement, and we keep walking to the lumber mill. It's swarmed with Peggies, and I see people in cages within the mill. I stick low to the ground. Grace gave me a parting gift before I left, a big ol' sniper rifle she'd built for me. It's a heavy thing, but it's strong enough to pierce three bodies lined up, and with the silencer added, they wouldn't see it coming. I have Boomer sniffing at the edges, and we take out the cultists together. No alarms alerted. Clean sweep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I start freeing the people in the cages. The last one has a woman inside. She's dirty, with her hood up. She walks out of the cage, and she looks up. Her face is scarred, and she's got deep bags under her eyes. She tells me that her and the people there have been there for two days, no food or water, and she thanks me for freeing them. I've got a few rations in my bag, and I hand one to her, and then pass the rest to the people around. I've got my waterskin, too, and pass it around. The people there are more than appreciative, and in a matter of moments, they're already working on getting the lumber mill back to normal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The woman tells me her name's Jess Black. I shake her hand, tell her Dutch sent me to grab her, that I was there to take out Jacob Seed and find my missing crew.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn't smile, but her lips quirk, like I was a missing piece she'd been looking for. She needs my help, and once I scratch her back, she'll scratch mine.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Jess Black, arms crossed, staring at the viewer of the page with a scowl.</p><p>
  <em>I ask her what she needs, because other than just wanting to help her, I owed it to Dutch to help her out, too. Any family of his was a friend of mine, point blank. She says to follow her up the hill. She's on the trail for one of Jacob's troops. Goes by the name the Cook. She calls him one twisted fuck, said she was on his trail, but she got captured. She needs my help before the trail goes cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tells me that if I'm looking for the Whitetail Militia, if I help her, she'll help me find 'em. Plus, if we take the Cook out, that means one less Peggie. And based on how she acted, he needed to be put in the ground as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We start moving. We come across this little wooden bridge, and the smell hits me hard. Burnt flesh. Right under the bridge, there's a smoldering pile of bodies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See that?" Jess says, "That's his calling card. Innocent people, burned alive."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Boomer whimpers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We go up further.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Goddamn cult's taking everyone. They'll take you from your home, bar, even church. Don't matter where you are. Then they slot you into two categories. Weak, or strong," She tells me Jacob's building an army, and anyone who can't and won't fight for him and the Father, is good as dead, "Culling the herd, he calls it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Made my blood run cold. Classic eugenics, wrapped up in religious zealotry and hypermilitant mindsets. Never a good combination.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wholesale slaughter of innocent people. Nobody believed it was happening because no one wanted to believe."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We stop, and Jess points out a Peggie scouting team ahead. Before I can aim down sights, she's let two arrows fly, taking out the both of them before me and Boomer can do anything. Talented, she was, real talented. She had a great eye, almost as sharp as Grace's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Then there's the one we're after," She says, "The Cook. One of Jacob's favorites. The one who leads his purging," We go one, "The Cook's bought into all of Jacob's bullshit. This motherfucker's gonna get what he deserves."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to a hill overlooking an open dirt patch. There's a little building, and people in cages, kept like animals. Me and Jess take cover in the trees. Wish I had Grace with me, the Peggies wouldn't know what hit them with the three of us there, sniping them all out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stay put while Jess rounds the field. Once she's on the other side, we both ready our weapons, and let our bullets and arrows fly. Peggies didn't even realize they were being attacked, we worked so fast. We freed the prisoners there quick. I told them to go the way we came, the lumber mill was freed from the cult, and that people would help them there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess seemed mighty appreciative of me saying that to them. She looked at me with a scowl, but that was just her face, and she let just the hint of a grin cross her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One of the prisoners told us there was more not far from here, that the Cook took them up the mountain. Me and Jess look at each other, and hurry up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You wanna know why they call him the Cook?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn't want to know, but I didn't dare say that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Couple years back, Jacob sent one of his guys out to round up this family. Parents and kids. First thing he did was starve them. Gave 'em nothin', not even a drop of water. After three days, they got so thirsty they had to drink their own piss. But the kids didn't wanna do it. So the parents forced it down their throats. Kids puked it right back up."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She spoke about it so vividly, I started feeling sick myself. I kept listening, and she kept ahead of me, never showing me her face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Cook didn't like that. So he went, and strung the parents up on posts under the hot sun - " She pauses, "Hold up, think I hear somethin'."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We sneak up the path we were following, and sure enough down below in an old craggy canyon, there were Peggies, and more caged people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Same as before, we sneak around, and take out everybody. Peggies got testy, and we got spotted, but they died quickly. We freed the prisoners there, and they told us the Cook had more prisoners South. Me and Jess get moving, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess keeps her story going, "So the Cook decides to give the kids a little water. And then he asked if they were hungry. Kids were starving, so they said yes. Started begging for food. Cook asked if they want pork. Kids said yes. So he went out to the parents, and took their shoes off, and started to play 'This little piggy went to market.' And the blood poured like a Goddamn faucet."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could hear her voice drop, and strain, "Cook had a big ol' grin on his face, as he offered each little piece to the kids."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stopped talking for a while, and I guessed it was to get her bearings. We traveled through this craggy canyon, hopping over hills.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then she kept going, "Soon, there were no more piggies left. So he laughed, and set the parents on fire. And the air filled up with that sickly sweet smell of roasted flesh. I'll never forget that smell."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I take a short pause. At first, I thought she was relaying a story, but then I realized; It was Jess and her parents she was talking about.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was years ago.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How fucking long did the state take to take action against Joseph Seed? How many people were mutilated until they decided to try to go after him, and his family? Years? The people they were killing didn't have years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt angry. The state had a problem with failing people, and it killed me to know it failed Jess so fucking spectacularly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"When they finally stopped screaming, I looked around, and he was just...gone. Vanished like some sort of demon in the night," He takes a shaky breath, "Anyways. That's why they call him the Cook."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We go up higher, passing the loud run of a river. We get to the the edge of what Jess calls the Pit. There's a mess of cages, and a blocked off area that roared with flames.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The weak are impure and unworthy!" I hear the Cook yell, "Their souls are plagued by filth! So he cooks them with the flame!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"God, can't this guy shut the fuck up?" I say. I aim down my sights. I see him in my scope, and unsurprisingly, he has a flamethrower with him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you need two arms to use a flamethrower. And Jess still needs to take a bit of her revenge on him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I aim at his right shoulder, and pull the trigger. Blood spurts from it, and he drops his weapon, screaming. The Peggies nearby are twisting their heads around, looking for the source.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Jess don't wait. We unload every arrow, every bullet, into the surrounding guards, until all that's left is the Cook, sprawling on the ground. He's gasping for air, his arm bleeding pretty badly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at her, and ask her it's her kill.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She takes out a knife, leans over him, and stabs it, over and over again, into the Cook's neck. It makes this horrible, wet sound, and I look away from the brutality of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it's over, she stands, and wipes the knife on her jeans. She doesn't turn around to look at me.</em>
</p><p>"<em>I feel....numb. Dutch was right. Cook's dead, and...I don't feel anything. All I ever wanted was to find this guy, and now....I don't...." Her voice drops low, confused, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Dutch has been right about a lot of shit lately. The cult, Eli, maybe he's right about you, too."</em></p><p>
  <em>She looks at me, almost awkwardly, and says, "You ever need someone to watch your back, call me. And, uh...." She tilts her head down, so her hood hides her eyes, "Thanks."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked so tired, and dirty, I couldn't stop myself from asking if she had a place to go to wash up and rest. If she didn't, I had a few places she could stop in. She grinned at me, sadly, and said she did have a place to go, but she appreciated my offer. She just wanted to be alone for the moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stared at her, and to be honest with you, Cap, I was smitten with her. I felt my heart tug itself out of my chest, seeing her so sad, and I felt this need to....just help her. Help her, get her somewhere safe. She wasn't some fragile flower who needed me, but I felt like....like I had to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Plus, she was really cute, even with the dirt and grime caked on, still smelling like death. Her long hair was matted, her face scarred up. Hated to see her so sad, so despondent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I looked down at Boomer, and asked if she needed an escort back to where she was going. I said she could take him with her, and when she was ready to move out, to give me a call. I don't know why, I just didn't want her to be alone. She seemed surprised, but agreed, saying she'd take good care of him and return him in one piece. I shake her hand, and wish her luck, going on my way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>An hour later, I'm switching through my channels, and I hear someone come through. It's some guy on the East side, asking for help. I head over, and there's some old man sitting on the porch of a big ranch house. I swear, I swear to God, he looked just like Richard Nixon. I'm not lying, he looked JUST like him, but with a mustache. He's got a gun in his lap, and his house is decorated in campaign signs and American flags. He looked real red - blooded to me. He looks at me, and goes;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey! You're that sonvabitch Dutch keeps going on about. You a registered voter? Ah, it don't matter, I need help a different sort."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I step a little closer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let's get to the point. You see that steaming pile of disappointment over there prayin'?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He look over, and there's a guy standing in the makeshift shack, overlooking a bench, boxes surrounding him. I can't see him too well, but he's there.</em>
</p><p>"<em>That's my loinfruit, Hurk Junior. Dumber than a coal bucket," He chuckles to himself, "He takes after his mama."</em></p><p>
  <em>I furrow my brows. The guy doesn't look like he's hurting anybody, just kinda standing there, quietly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hurk Sr. Continues, "Stupid sum' bitch went and lost my campaign truck, Nancy! So named after the greatest First Lady to ever serve this fine country, of course."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He starts talking about his campaign, blah blah blah, I wasn't listening all that well. I was looking at his son over in the corner. He was still kinda milling around, doing his own thing. He calls his son to attention, and the man looks up. Our job was easy, get his truck, come back, simple as pie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I walk over the Hurk, and by God, is he the funniest man in the valley. If you think he's a riot now, you should've seen him 17 years ago. Never went ten minutes without smiling with him around. He's dressed....well, he's dressed, is what's important. He's got on American flag pants, and has a big rocket launcher strapped to his back. I knew I was in for a wild ride when I saw him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sees me, and he goes, "Aw, hey, man, sorry, I don't wanna go assuming nobody's gender or nothing. I don't mean no disrespect. I just call all my homies dude and bro and man regardless of vagitalia or....penilenessness...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stifle a laugh, and he keeps going.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whoa! Deja voodoo, man, have.....have we met before?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him know, we haven't, I would've remembered him if I did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He lets out a sigh of relief, "Dang, man, my prayers have been answered! I got a direct line to that sweet little monkey god who's art hangs in heaven."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No idea what he's talking about, but I get a major kick out of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, I guess since you're an angel workin' here on Earth for the monkey king, that you already know I gotta get my daddy's truck back. I mean, he's real butt sore. But, if we get it back, he'll let me sleep in my bed again. And I gotta tell you, man, it's gettin' real cold outside," He chuckles nervously, "Nevermind them woodticks crawlin' all up in my junk....threatenin' me with Lyme disease and what not."</em>
</p><p>Cap lets out an audible laugh. This was Hurk Drubman Jr. To a perfect tee.</p><p>
  <em>"So c'mon, man, help me get my daddy's truck back!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at him, and tell him I'd be honored to help him out on this adventure he's got going for himself. I see his face, and he lights up like a firework.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let's make dust before the old man starts shootin'. He's hotter than a ghost pepper these days."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just to keep in the spirit of things, I keep Hurk's energy, and tell him if bullets start flying, I'll protect him, no sweat. Hurk smiles big, and we get to his car. He switches the radio station to classic rock, and we fuckin' roll.</em>
</p><p>The next page is of a younger Hurk Drubman Jr., pictured leaning against a table with a beer can in his hand, smiling at somebody off in the distance.</p><p>
  <em>Hurk's a real talkative guy, and he makes up for what little I have to say. Even before the Collapse, I never said too much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shit, man, I've been prayin' on this all day, man. I've been asking the monkey king, and all the baby Jesus', even the little Valentines ones, just to send me a sign, man, and they send me you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't help but laugh. He seems like a good guy, so far, though he's eccentric. He tells me getting the truck back isn't gonna be easy. He starts telling me about how he tried to join the cult, at first. He thought it was a good idea, at the time. They had guns, food, women, and those were his three vices in life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So he goes over to sign up with the cult, and he's all for it, until they start talking about all the rules and regulations in the cult. No fornicating, no alcohol, and no partying. Hurk told them, 'No thanks!' And he got the Hell out of there, but in the confusion, forgot to take his father's truck. I shake my head, but that smile doesn't leave my face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me I don't have to worry about a thing. He's got a 9 step plan to get the truck back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Step 1) Catch a day buzz of party liquor, "Got that one covered, homie."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Step 2) Pray for someone else to solve my problem, "Done."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Step 3) Is....</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, shit. I forget the rest, but they'll come to me as soon as we go."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me I'm a good listener, and calls me Broba - Fet. He says his old man doesn't listen at all, and he says he never feels heard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the first time, I frown.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Me and him, we ain't gettin' along that well lately. Ever since he started runnin' for office he's been coming down on my real hard about everything. About my public intoxication, how I handle my firearms....stuff like that, man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He keeps talking, and I just get sadder, honestly. He says he's trying to get his dad's truck back so he'll love him more. I could feel my little ol' heart shatter inside me. Then he starts talking about birthdays and holidays, and the sad mood passes fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to the place we need to be, getting out of the car. As we walk, he keeps talking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh my goodness, man. I do not wanna get ahead of myself, but I can tell already that we're gonna be best friends. Probably end up with tattoos of each other. Oh man, Fate has brought us together, amigo. I feel that in my heart. Or is it....the Fate of the Monkey King that brought us together? Well, I guess its the same thing, I mean, he controls all the wonderful things in the world, so..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think about what he said to me, all the way back then, and I think I was his first real friend. Sharky was closest to him, I know, but other than that, non - family was borderline nonexistent to him. Glad to see him thrive now, gettin' to know people again, like he has been with you, Cap.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So we show up to this watchtower, and Hurk just walks right up, and starts shooting. I'm like; What are you doing! And he tells me he's here to kick ass and get his daddy's truck back. Well, I had no choice but to roll with his fighting style, and switch out my rifle for a shotgun. He says something about loving theatre, and we hop into the watchtower. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He then tells me the next step of his plan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Step 4) Truck's actually all the way down yonder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We would have to zipline down into Peggie territory, as they were probably protecting it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We're gonna sneak up on him like ninjas," He says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ninjas?" I ask him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, ninjas!" And he goes down the zipline first, yelling in excitement. Then he shuts himself up, talking about stealth mode. I land next to him, and he lets out a soft, "Fuck yeah, man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Out of good spirits, I fistbump him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We zipline all the way down the mountainside, right into the Peggie camp. Then we start kicking hot ass. Hurk is a beast, and a lot of fire gets drawn to him, leaving the rest of the cultists unaware of me, making them easy targets.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We clear the place out, and he shouts out, "They don't call me Hercules for nothin'!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whether or not people call him that is not my concern. It sounded really fucking cool when he said it, is what mattered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We start driving, me manning the huge mounted gun on the back, and Peggies start following our tail. He asks me to look in the cooler and see if there's any explosives. And if a beer, if there is one.</em>
</p><p>There's a little note in the margins: <em>Don't drink and drive.</em></p><p>
  <em>They start shooting, and Hurk complains about how his dad is gonna be mad about the bullet holes. I take out Peggies left and right while Hurk drives like a maniac, ducking and dodging every which way. After a bit, they stop following, and Hurk cheers. He can't believe we only made it in five steps!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We bring it back to his house. Hurk Sr. Thanks me, and then asks me to be his campaign manager. My first duty would to keep Hurk out of his hair as much as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, soon as he says it, Hurk looks at me and gives me the biggest bear hug I've ever received, spinning me around. Being around Hurk, he's so fucking positive and funny most of the time, it was so easy to forget we were in the middle of a warzone, sometimes. Yeah, we stirred a lot of shit together, me and him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Weird to see him act so grown up, now. He's got a kid, a baby mama who, even though she's got a tough attitude, really does love him. I'm happy to see him like that, Cap. Guess all those years underground aged him, like a fine wine.....or in his case, moonshine.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Hurk. It's an almost voyeuristic view of him, through a window. He's got baby Blade in his arms, looking down with  peaceful grin on his face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: Sexual content</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i literally dont care about any of the canon in far cry LOL my city now</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>That was the last time I ever felt anything adjacent to joy in the Whitetails.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Hurk made trouble for a few days. I was trying my hardest to locate the Whitetail Militia, but with Jess being MIA, I didn't have a chance. Hurk had no idea, either, and I didn't expect him to. Dutch did, but he wouldn't tell me. When I asked why, he just said something about keeping a promise to Eli Palmer, who's the head of the militia. Sorta mad about that, but I get why. If I could just stumble upon it, it wouldn't be too long until Jacob could, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After another day or so, I give Hurk the 'day off,' which means I was trying to do a little more reconnaissance and I couldn't be having him making too much noise by my side. I'm pacing down a trail next to one of the roads, alone, and I get a call on my radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's someone out there.....pretending to be a soldier," It's Jacob Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Here's what I knew about Jacob: He's tall, he's ugly, and he's the meanest thing this side of the country. The oldest of the Seed brothers, the one who controlled the troops and training. He has no morals, no ethics. All he cares about is his agenda of Strong VS Weak. However, he was the more practical of the family. He was a little more nihilistic, didn't really believe his brother talked to God, like he claimed, but he loved his brother. He'd die for him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had his own sermons blasting in some of the strongholds me and Hurk freed, talking about how we're destroying the planet, and how the weak control the strong now. Kinda liked that the Highwaymen played music in their strongholds, instead. Nice change of pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes I see you, Cap, talking to Mickey, and I get why you took her in. She did have more of a head on her shoulders than her sister. Hell, out of most of the Highwaymen, really. You can reason with someone like her. I always think - maybe I could've reasoned with the Seeds. Maybe if I just took the time to kinda sit and talk, show them a little kindness in a world that did them a great unkindness, they'd change. Like you did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The difference is: I'm not you. My heart isn't that big, and my trust in people isn't any bigger. You've seen me. I can be vindictive, aggressive....Just plain mean. You get tired of it too, sometimes, I can tell. And that's never gonna change, Cap. Even if I shed the face of the Judge, I won't change. I can't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And just like I can't, the Seeds can't, either. The Highwaymen are selfish assholes. They're warmongers, and they care about themselves, but they're with people who make them strong. They're a swarm, but they're individually powerful. Peggies are fucking brainwashed. They've been fed lie after lie after lie and they swallowed it all up and now they're just one drop in a bucket of zealotry. And the Seeds know that. You can't fucking reason with the them, not when the middle brother can convince even the staunchest of people to convert. I learned that fucking well. They're fucking crazy, simple as that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, back to Jacob. Fucking Jacob. Fuck him. Fuck him fuck him fuck him -</em>
</p><p>The 'Fuck him's continue for a whole page.</p><p>
  <em>I'm glad I went after him first. I got that fucking nightmare out of the way. As fucked up as Faith and John were, Jacob was the worst of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, he keeps going on my radio, "They are killing our brothers and sisters, and putting this project in jeopardy. I want this coward to know that they have my attention. My hunters are coming for you. There's nowhere you can run."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It ends, and Dutch calls me immediately, "Hunters don't sound too good....If Jacob wants you, he's gonna send his best out for you. You watch your back, Deputy...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was being hunted. I wasn't scared. I didn't think I could be, after seeing how gruesome John Seed was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so fucking wrong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Next thing I know, a sharp pain hits me in the calve, an arrow pinning me to the ground. I let out a yell I think you could hear for miles, looking at the thing. I touch it, try to pull, but its hurts so fucking bad, that I can't. Then I start getting dizzy. Arrowhead must've been soaked in Bliss. It knocks me faster than I could process it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up to screaming. It's distant, but it's there, pained and grating, knocking me awake. My vision doesn't come back immediately, but I feel someone trying me down. I blink, and in the middle of a blurred light, there's a darker blur. One my vision clears, I see Staci Pratt, my crew. He's got a black eye, all scratched up, nose smudged with dry blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You shouldn't have come for me," Pratt says, his voice an echo, "You should have run," He's tying me down to the chair I'm in. I look around, and there's others in the same kinds of chairs, two of 'em. We're in a room, with a projector between us. It plays images of roadkill, dead deer and other animals, some being fed on by wolves, some decaying on the ground, meat and bone exposed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear Jacob's voice to my left, out of sight.</em>
</p><p>"<em>The world is weak," He says, "Soft. We have forgotten what it is to be strong," He walks into view, letting the slides of gruesome images play over him, "You know, our heroes used to be gods. And now our heroes are godless. Weak. Feeble. Diseased. We let the weak dictate to the powerful, and then we are shocked to find ourselves adrift," He says it like he's giving a college lecture, but it's almost like he's bored of it. Like he's been through the speech a hundred times over, and the words just drawl on for him.</em></p><p>
  <em>I look to his right. Pratt is just standing there, still as can be, attentive to his words. He looks dirty, clothes ripped. Even through the images on the board, I could see that. I stare at him, wondering what the fuck he was doing, why he was with Jacob, what happened. He won't look at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But history knows the value of sacrifice. Of culling the herd so that it stays strong. Over and over, the lives of the many have outweighed the lives of the few. This is how we survived. And we've forgotten....And now the bill has come due," He steps closer to me, and he leans in, placing his hands on the arms of the chair I'm tied to. He's got these burns on his face, scarring him, "Now, the Collapse is upon us, and this time the lives of the few outweighs the lives of the many. And when a nation that's never known hunger or desperation descends into madness....We'll be ready."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stands up tall. I can see his dogtags dangle on his chest. And a key. He reaches onto the table, grabbing a little box.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We will cull the herd. We will do what needs to be done," I hear cranking. It's a music box. He opens it up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My reaction is immediate. It makes this horrible screeching noise, and then I hear music. It's a song. An old, old song, written before I was born. Only You by The Platters. Never heard it before, and you probably haven't either.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just thinking about it hurts, Cap. I can hear it in my dreams, when I think I'm alone, always watching, always with me, like a ghost. I've tried to rid myself of it, but it never leaves. Never goes away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, my worldview has a fucking pink filter on it. I struggle, shaking and breathing hard. I can't take my eyes off the box, my vision filling with blood. I black out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when I wake, I wake up in a dream. The room is tinged red. I'm free from my binds, and so are the other prisoners. They draw guns, and I look down at a pistol on the table. I draw it, shoot, and they explode into black smoke. Just disappear. I can hear Jacob's voice from everywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Cull the herd."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just start running, taking out everyone I come across. The more I kill, the more Jacob congratulates me. I'm running through burning buildings, hallways, courtyards, all twisted by the dream. There's a hallway that's tilted into the ground, and I slide in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a crash, and my head jerks. The first thing that hits me in the smell. Piss and shit, decaying bodies. I'm on the floor now, on my side, still in the chair, my cheek laying in a pool of blood and vomit. I didn't know if it was mine or not. I see figures move in my blurry vision, and they slow when they see the bodies on the floor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What a mess," Somebody says, "Wheaty, check those chairs."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The young guy I see, Wheaty, goes around, "Jesus, the smell."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Been stewin' in their own filth for days. Walker, get some windows open," He walks forward. He's tall, bearded, decked out in camo with a bow in his hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Walker responds with a stuttered yes. They investigate the room, shutting the fucking music off. Wheaty walks forward, investigates a dead man in front of me. The man's eyes have trails of blood rolling down his cheeks, like tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Christ, it's Sully....When did they get him?" He looks behind, "Why are we even bothering with this? They're all dead."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bearded guy snaps at him, "Just check 'em anyways."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wheaty, I laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn't so funny, gripes about corpse duty, like it's a regular thing for him. He picks me up, and I look into his face, blinking. He drops me like I caught on fire, yelling. I groan as my side hits the floor. My leg still aches, but at least it's my right leg. The bearded guy approaches me, talking about a live one. He tells Walker to go get the truck. Wheaty enters my vision again, telling me he's sorry. The two of them sit me upright, the other taking out a knife to cut me free.</em>
</p><p>"<em>Eli....is this...?"</em></p><p>
  <em>"Yup," Eli says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just my luck. I never had to come to the Whitetail Militia, the Whitetail Militia came to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What the fuck is the Deputy doing here?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Jacob took a shine to 'em, same as us."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Didn't know I was that famous around this side of the valley. Nice way to know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eli keeps talking, "You're gonna be OK, Hero. Whitetail's gotcha now," They lug me out of my chair, and I feel so fucking weak. They carry me, propped between them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We're bringing 'em back to the Wolf's Den?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where else?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tammy is not going to like this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry about Tammy. She'll be fine."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I black out. Seemed to be doing a lot of that, lately. I wake up to voices, and in walks that young guy, Wheaty. He hesitates, but he reaches for me, helping me sit up. He tells me to take it easy, and gives me a little water. And in walks a woman. By the way she looked at me, I could tell this was the Tammy they were all worried about. She goes straight for Eli, who's off in the corner.</em>
</p><p>"<em>Are you out of your fucking mind?" She's mad. Mad as Hell.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Now hold on," Eli says, "Wheaty and I agreed - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tammy turns points at Wheaty, "Oh, you agreed?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He puts his hands up, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I was at best an impartial observer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's got a real sour look on her face, motioning to me, "This is stupid and this is dangerous. You both know better."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What was I supposed to do?" Eli asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She opens her arms, "Leave 'em to die."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sounds harsh, thinking about it, but she had good reason. A lot of fucking good reasons.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eli scoffs, but Tammy keeps going, "They've been in that room for God knows how long. I've seen what it does to people. You haven't. You can't trust this one."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was right. She was so fucking right, and I wish to God every day of my life she took matters into her own hands and took me out while the rest of the Whitetails weren't looking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's what everyone said about you. But luckily, I didn't listen," Tammy tries to argue, but Eli is steadfast. "This is not up for discussion. We need them. That's all there is to it. Understand?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tammy runs off quick. Wheaty makes a stupid comment, and Eli sends him packing, too. Eli paces towards me, all calm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I meant what I said," He goes, "We need you. Let's get you some rest," He pushes me back by my shoulder. I fall asleep as soon as I hit the cushions.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up sometime later to a dog licking my face. It's Boomer! I sit up, so fucking happy to see him. He lets out a happy, soft bark, and climbs into my lap. He's heavy, and I fucking hurt, but it doesn't matter. I bury my face into his fur, scratching his ears and kissing his nose. I look into the corner, and sure enough, Jess Black is propped up in a chair. She's all dressed, in that hoodie she wears, hood still up, boots muddy. She's got her arrow quiver on and her bow resting at her feet. She definitely looked better than the last time I saw her. Calmer, too, since she was fast asleep.</em>
</p><p>Next page is a sketch of Jess, asleep in a chair. She's got her arms crossed, head tilted low.</p><p>I<em> push Boomer off of me, and stand. I walk a little, making sure I've got all my mobility. My leg hurts bad, but it's wrapped up, and I can add pressure to it. Looks like Jacob's hunters just hit the meat of it, missing all the important muscle deeper in. I take a long look at Jess, because I fucking wondered - Where the Hell had she been? She was sleeping at the moment, so I didn't feel like my question was important enough to wake and bother her about.</em></p><p>
  <em>Right outside my door, there's a guy. Walker. Big fella. Had a stutter, but fought hard. I asked him who stitched me up. He said he did. I shook his hand, telling him thanks. He said Eli wanted to speak with me soon as I woke up. I walk out, and on the way, I see Wheaty. He's surrounded by radio equipment, and crates of vinyls. He's surprised to see me moving around. Nice kid, handsome, too. Always nice to see young people do something constructive, but it saddened me to know kids were getting caught up in everything. He says, after I'm done speaking with Eli, to get back to him, he's got an issue that needs fixing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I walk into the entranceway of the bunker, and Eli is there, pouring over some maps. Behind him, there's television screens. Whitetails had the whole forest set up with surveillance cameras, watching everything. I knock on the doorway, and he looks up. He had a stern look on his face, but seeing that it was the handsome soul he rescued, he grins and drops it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He greets me, and tells me he and his Whitetails have been looking for me for a while. Things in the mountains were getting bad, whoever Jacob didn't take to indoctrinate, he murdered. The militia were losing people every which - way. They're desperate, and they don't know how much longer they can hold out. My first job is to check out this forest visitor center. He sent a handful of people there to scope it out, but they were captured. He tells me I'm the only one who he can send out.....That I'm the only one he trusts to handle this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I knew the guy a day or two, most of it unconscious, and he trusts me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mistake.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eli reminds me a lot of Rush. Cool, calm, always knew when an asset can be gained, open - minded. Handsome, too, and solid survivalists. Yeah, if either of them were still around, I can only imagine the trouble they could cause together. Their help to these communities could've been invaluable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Back to the bunker. I hear a noise, sounded like water splashing, but muffled. I approach a door in the corner, and I see Tammy inside. She's got a guy, one of Jacob's elites, his Chosen, sitting in a chair in a kiddie pool. There's wires in the water, and the wires lead up to a table, and on the table, a huge battery. She paces around the guy as his lolls his head. I decide that she doesn't need my help with her interrogation, going back to seeing what Wheaty needed.</em>
</p><p>Next few pages are a few sketches of the Whitetails in question. First is of Walker. He had a kind face, with lots of freckles. Next is of Wheaty and....Damn, Judge wasn't kidding. Wheaty was cute, with long hair tied into braids. He was looking at a vinyl he pulled out from a crate in front of him. The next is of Tammy. Her back was turned, face hidden, standing in front of a heavily - armored man sitting in a chair, in a small pool. The last is of Eli, standing over a map, head low.</p><p>
  <em>I get to Wheaty, and he tells me the Whitetails have stashes of guns and supplies scattered around the area. With the cult around, he's worried about them getting their hands on everything. He wants me to go grab them and bring them back. As we're speaking, I look over, and Jess is standing in the doorway. She's got her arms crossed, leaning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're awake. Good."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thank her for taking care of Boomer. She said he was annoying at first, but grew on her. I tell her I'm gonna be doing some things to help out the Whitetails, if she wants to come with. She says sure. She turns away, and I look down at myself. Fuck, I'm still in my outfit. There's blood stains and stains of other types. I look bad, but I smell worse. I ask Wheaty if there's a shower I can use. He says yeah, and I'm free to take some spare clothes that're in the back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grab the clothes, shower quick. It's cold water, but that's what I needed. That cold water washed away days worth of grime and filth from me. I redress my wound, pull on the outfit I took. It's a militia outfit, with camo and padded body armor. I look like one of the crew, dressed to the nines. I toss my old clothes, and pop back out. Jess is sitting on the counter of Wheaty's workspace. They're engaged in some small talk. She doesn't smile, not once, but she seems at ease. She picks her head up, sees me, and pops right up. She seemed eager to get on our way. I bid Wheaty goodbye, and Jess, Boomer and I are on our way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the way, I get a call from Dutch, "So, you've met Eli. You're in good hands, now. He'll get you squared away with anything they need up there in the mountains. I'll still keep an eye on you, though. Talk soon, Kid."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he hangs up, Jess looks me, raises her nose, "Looks like my uncle Dutch has taken a shine to ya'."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod. I tell her I appreciated everything her uncle has done for me so far. He sent me to get her, actually, in the first place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That old man still thinks I need his protection," She says it with a heavy scoff.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I point out that, when I found her, she was trapped in a cage, ready to be indoctrinated by Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She seems a little offended by it, "I would've made it out on my own. Eventually."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod my head. Sure Jess, sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First thing on our list were those hostages. I lost my guns when the Peggies captured me, so I was toting a little SMG and a bow. If I thought aiming a sniper rifle was hard, fuck, was a bow even harder. But with a little guidance from Jess, I was a natural in no time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to the visitor center, and luck us, there's a lot of cover. We split up, her attacking the one side, me the other. I'm sniping people like nobody can stop me, and each arrow I let loose finds its target. As we go, we free the people held hostage there, handing off pilfered guns to them. Peggies don't stand a chance, and we wipe them out like a swarm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After, people are already cleaning the place up, putting boards over the windows and converting it into a stronghold. Jess comes up to me, tells me that I did nice work, that I handled the bow like a pro. I tell her I had a good teacher. He scoffs, rolls her eyes, but I think she appreciated it, a little bit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get a call from Eli, and he says there's more Whitetails up by a place called Devil's Drop. Jacob's spent weeks trying to find the Wolf's Den, and he's capturing and torturing as many militia members as he can looking for it. Jess knows the way to the drop, so she leads.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're right where we need to be, when we get another call. Eli just wanted to check up on us. Walker, the guy with the stutter, has gone missing. I just saw him an hour before. That's how quick people can disappear, Cap, you know that well. You blink, and they're just....gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, we make it to the drop. It's just past a place called Hawkeye Tunnel, and Peggies have blocked it all off. Boomer and I take the tunnel and create a distraction while Jess takes the ridge around it and frees the hostages. I've got a couple explosive in my bag, and I just start tossing them. Grenades, dynamite, all of it ends up in that tunnel. People are gone in bursts of shrapnel and fire. I turn the corner to the opening of Devil's Drop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Jess and a Peggie are locked in combat. He's got his arms around her, hauling her to the edge of the cliff. The two Whitetails we were rescuing were still tied down. I don't even stop to breathe. I draw an arrow, let it fly. Fwip. Right into the guy's eye socket. His arms fall off of Jess, and he tumbles backwards, over the edge. She grabs her bow on the ground, and we both rush to free the hostages. More Whitetails join, a medic to check the hostages out. I pull Jess to the side, ask her if she's alright. She says, Yeah, she is, and thanks me. I noticed this nervous tic she had. She tilts her head low, making sure the shadow of her hood covers her eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know what the fuck came over me, but I lifted the edge a bit, pushed it back over her face, let that sunlight shine on her skin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before either of us could really respond, Eli calls, thank God.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Everyone's accounted for. That's the Whitetail way, Dep. Helping us take care of our own is gonna have a big impact on morale. Maybe even get some more folks to join up, too....Shit, I knew Tammy was wrong about ya'. Congratulations, you're one of us now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at Jess, smile wide. I open my arms up to gesture at my clothes, "I'm dressed for the part, at least."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She rolls her eyes, and we're on our way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Next mission was to help get those Whitetail stashes Wheaty was talking about. Weren't hard too find. I found a map with their locations marked. Had to chase down a few Peggies to find the supplies, but it was mostly smooth sailing. When we return, Wheaty thanks me, says he's glad to have the supplies back. He then tells me to keep an eye out for any vinyls I might see. He controls the local radio, and his setup only played records. I told him sure. Jess makes fun of him for being a music nerd. He sticks his tongue out at her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm about to leave, but I get stopped. By Tammy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tammy Barnes. Tough as Hell is all I can say about her. I really didn't get the chance to get to know he too well. Never gave me the chance. Can't say I blame her, after everything that happened. Here what I know. She and her husband were captured by Jacob, like most of the people out in the mountains were. Eli, at some point, rescued her. Her husband was too brainwashed to leave the cult. Tammy then spent her days as the Whitetail Militia's second in command, raising Hell and torturing Peggies.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Tammy. She's a round - faced woman, with short cropped blonde hair. She's facing forward, with a frown on her face. She has rubber gloves on, a car battery in her hands.</p><p>
  <em>She admits to me that she might've been harsh to my arrival, but she doesn't apologize. She doesn't trust people she doesn't know. Understandable, given the circumstances. But Eli trusts me, so she admits she has no choice but to work with me. As long as I do my duties, she's fine with me. Wheaty needs help running a pirate radio station to brings together the Whitetails, and keeps everyone updated on the cult's movements. She needs my help getting the local towers back in Whitetail control. The Peggies have set up these weird interference devices that jam all outgoing signals. If I do that, she'll trust me a little more. I say, done deal, and get on my way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a few towers around, and since Jess is rolling with me, I throw her a line to peg into the ground so I can zipline down safely. To make this story short, I climb the towers, break the jammers, zipline down, and Tammy gets me the location on the jammer truck. I take that truck out, and the Whitetail Radio is in business. Another win for them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the whole time, I've got Jess by my side. We spend a while roaming Jacob's region, taking out strongholds and busting out prisoners and hostages. We made a pretty good team, me and her. Every shot I missed, she made, and every time she fell, I was there to pick her back up. She griped when I brought along Hurk, but got along well with Grace, Nick, and Boomer. Jess preferred the company of the forest than the company of people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get back to the Wolf's Den, and Eli looks stressed. When they found me, they pulled me out of a hotel nearby called The Grand View Hotel. He needed me to head right back there. Jacob nabbed a guy - Briggs, his name is - and is trying to indoctrinate him, same as he tried to indoctrinate, hoping he'll give up the location of the Wolf's Den. Eli was honest with me - this was a young guy, who's not used to all this action. No way he'd hang on as long as I did. He'd die before Jacob got any good info from him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He brings up this point his fellow Whitetails brought up. That they should just leave him to die in there, but Eli disagreed. He said that if we start killing our own, we're no better than Jacob. I nod in agreement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Despite all Jacob did to me, tried to ingrain in me, I still believe in the weak being protected by the strong. The weak need our guidance, our strength, and when the strong lend their strength, the weak become strong in return. It's a give and take, a pull and push, an exchange of talents and skills. That's what being human is all about. Community. Protecting one another.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I write all this down - can I even be considered human again? Am I still one? I don't feel human. I feel like a tool. Mindless. Violent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eli hands me a cassette tape. Wheaty created some deprogramming package to reverse the effects of the brainwashing. Apparently, while I was passed out on their couch, they laid it on me, and thought that it worked.</em>
</p><p>In the margins: Hint: <em>It only works when the subject is awake and conscious.</em></p><p>I<em> grab a few arrows, and Jess, and call up Hurk for a little backup, and I'm well on my way. The hotel is fucking swarmed with Jacob's people. Mounted guns in the front, heavily guarded. Me and Jess tell Hurk to stay in the trees, but we'll give him a signal when he can start kicking ass. I tell Jess to keep two yards behind, but keep her bow ready. Of course, because nothing can ever be easy for me, I have no idea which room Briggs is in, so we have to check each one. The lobby of the hotel is packed with cages, rotting people inside. We almost get caught a few times, but it's nothing a chokehold and a curbstomp can't fix.</em></p><p>
  <em>And each room we check, the more my heart sinks. Every room is boarded up. No windows, no light, stuffy and heavy. Each one, if it doesn't hold a body dead in it's own filth, is stained with blood, reeking of death. Jacob's face plays on television screens, plays on speakers set into the corner of the room. None are alive. There were over twelve people locked up in those rooms, and not one of them survived Jacob's brainwashing. What a senseless waste of life. We check each body, and Jess confirms that none of the ones we come across are Briggs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I kill more Peggies as me and Jess make our way to the top floor. And right there, at the top, is Briggs. This room's windows weren't boarded up, and he's tied to a chair, a big complicated set of machinery set on a table playing a few slides of dead animals. He's shaking, resisting in the chair. Blood streams out of his eyes and ears. I tell Jess to watch the door while I plug in Wheaty's deprogramming tape. I hand her my shotgun, in case any get.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I plug that sucker in, and it blasts music. Get Free by The Vines. Alt rock. Good song, but it was the worst time to play it. The music was so loud, it alerted all the Peggies on guard outside. I start swearing, and tell Jess to stay with Briggs, because the Peggies would definitely try to take him, or take him out. I see Hurk off in the treeline, and start waving at him. Immediately, he starts unleashing Hell with that RPG of his, while I'm on the upper balcony sniping out Peggies while they scatter on the ground. They drop like flies, they die so easily. Jacob's Chosen my ass.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Helicopters start rolling in, and while I'm sniping the ground troops, his RPG is hitting them out of the air like he's skeet shooting. They fall in big balls of fire and molten metal, crashing into the lake behind, or into the courtyard of the hotel. When the last body falls, and the last chopper whirs itself to death on the ground, we wait. No more backup comes. The three of us regroup. I check on Hurk, make sure everything is alright with him, then Jess. She's fine, but there's a few bodies in the hallway in front of Briggs' room, and she's spattered with blood. She tells me she prefers a bow, but if I ever needed a shotty buddy, to give her a call.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We ring Eli, tell him the hotel is clear. He makes it there in no time, with a league of people behind him. They start cleaning the place up, tossing bodies into a dip next door. Eli strides up to me, shaking my hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hell of a job, Dep. You're a Goddamn hero in my book."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hurk pats me on the back hard, "You hear that, Dep? You're a hero!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I throw him a thumbs up, and keep listening. I didn't feel like a hero, but it felt good to be called one. Eli invites me over to the docks, and I listen as he speaks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Things are lookin' real good for Briggs. We're cleaning out the hotel now, but we're gonna keep him on the music loop for a while, until he snaps out of it. Jacob won't be using the Grand View to fuck with anyone now," He says it with a cheeky smile, "I'd love to see his ugly mug when he realizes he doesn't have his little torture chamber."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grin a little. They'd have to put a lot of work into defending the hotel, but if they can keep it, it's one less place for Jacob to hurt people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know, you proved everyone wrong, Dep. Everyone except me. I always knew you were the real deal," He pats me on the arm, lets his hand linger there for a while, "I'll see you back at the Wolf's Den."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He walks away. Hurk tells me he's gonna help clear the place out, and I tell him that fine, I'm gonna sit by the water for a little bit. It's sunset, everything being bathed in this pale orange light. Jess comes over, and sits by my side, both of our feet just dangling from the surface of the water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good job today," She tells me. I tell her I couldn't do it without her help. She still has my shotgun. She passes it to me, and in the process, our hands brush. Her skin is warm, hands stained red. She picks her head up, and I pick up mine. Our eyes meet. She's got these odd colored eyes, not many like I've seen before. They're like the color of the sea, but in those prettier parts of the world where the waters are clear and the sea life lives close to the shore.</em>
</p><p>The next page is of Jess, looking forward. The Judge put a lot of tender care into this portrait, as they captured every speck of dirt on the woman's hood, and every scar she bore on her face. She definitely looked liked a tough woman, but the Judge had drawn her with softness in her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Both of us just stare at each other. Because I want her to make the first move....But she wanted me to make the first move, too, so we just end up in a staring contest. It was awkward, and dragged on, and as the time passed I thought, Fuck me, she's so beautiful. The way the light catches her cheeks, and her scars, and her eyes, lighting her up in a filter. I move my hand over hers, squeeze it tight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the move she was waiting for. She pushes in close, and fast, and kisses me. It's quick, and she pulls back two seconds after. He mouth is pressed together in a tight line. I stare at her, and squeeze her hand again. She waits a few moments, then kisses me again. She pulls back, I squeeze, and she kisses me. I squeeze her hand longer, and she kisses me longer. I push my shotgun to the side, to cup her cheek to kiss back, but my radio buzzes. She stops, pulls back staring at the radio that sits on my shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In comes Jacob seed, "The weak always see themselves as heroes. No matter their cause, they think of themselves as warriors, but they're not real warriors. They're children," He whispers into the radio, like it's a secret, only meant for my ears, "These Whitetail Militia are not soldiers, they're frauds. Their leader Eli is not a hero, he is a coward. They are not strong. They are weak. And they are being hunted."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He takes a deep breath, "Y'know, Deputy, if it were up to me, you would've been dead a long time ago. But Joseph has other ideas, and he wants to talk to you. So that's what you're gonna do. Don't worry. My hunters will bring you to him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As soon as Jacob stops his call, Dutch pops in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ah, shit....He's comin' for you again, kid. Better be careful....Those hunters could be anywhere."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand. I look at Jess, and she looks pissed, "I'd like to see them try to take you with me around," She says, real bitter, real mad. She says it with bite, but we both know neither of us will have any choice in the matter. I'll be taken whether she's around or not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm scared to be taken again, to know what else Jacob has planned for me, but it doesn't matter right then, right there. I cup her face, kiss her hard. She just kisses harder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hear rushed footsteps behind, and we both break, jumping up, thinking it's Jacob's people. But it's not. It's just Hurk. He's got his eyes covered, face as red as his shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh - Oh God! I - I'm sorry, I wasn't tryna' sneak up on ya'll and...and w...." He rambles on. Jess just ducks her head, and strides forward, pushing him out of the way and stomping off towards the hotel. I look at Hurk and deflate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He puts his hands up, "I wasn't tryna' interrupt your groove, man, I swear, I - I mean....Jess? Jess is cool, y'know, all Hunger Games and...and mean. And - And it's cool you're into girls, y'know, with you being....you, because, well, I'm also into girls, so - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sigh, tell him not to say anything to anybody, and he agrees in a flash. I look up, and Jess has disappeared into the hotel. I tell Hurk just to go help clean up the courtyard, and he salutes me and goes off. I sit back down at the dock, staring at the water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With the Whitetails trying to clean the place up, I elected to be on watch duty. Trying to force a conversation with Jess was a no - go, so I decided she just needed the time to cool down. I'm thinking so much about her, that I forget I'm being hunted. I'm patrolling the West side, and then I feel something hit me in the side of my neck. I pull it out, and it's a little dart. It stinks of Bliss. I fucking throw the thing, and try to turn and run, but somebody grabs me. I can't fight, the Bliss so strong, and someone beans me in the head, making me black out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up in a cage. Somebody helps me up, and I look, and it's Walker. I heave, and grab his shoulders. Before I can ask if he's OK, he pushes a little saucer of water to me, trying to get me to drink. He looks thinner, blood covering his face. His lips is bust open and swollen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Next think that hits me in the smell. Shit and piss, decay and rot, from him, from everywhere. I look around, and we're in a maze of cages. People occupy some of them, yelling, some alive, some dead, some weak on the dirt, dying in a pool of their own fluids. I heard dogs bark, wolves howl. Fires in barrels burn and smolder, the only source of light in the night. Someone walks up to our cage, rattling the bars. It's Pratt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They want you to be strong. One of you will be strong," His voice is raspy. He looks behind, and Jacob approaches.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Walker stands, telling him Not again, and Jacob pushes Pratt out of the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get outta here, Peaches," Jacob says to Pratt, causing Walker to move back further into the cage. Pratt folds his hands over his lap, looking down. I bare my teeth. What the fuck was Pratt to Jacob, his fucking assistant?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And from behind Jacob, admist the decay around him, is Joseph Seed. He looks so clean and proper in his pressed white shirt, his vest and pants. Joseph embraces his brother, leaning their foreheads together. Joseph comes close to the cage, grasping the bars and kneeling down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know you're in pain. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh, hm? But you're not the only one to be tested..." He reaches into my cage, touching my shoulder. I shrug it off, staring. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. He looks at me, sadly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Did you know that I had a wife?" He tells me. He touches a tattoo on his lower arm, a portrait of a woman, with flowers. You've seen it. He traces it, longingly, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" He looks back to me, "We were pregnant with our first child. And we were just babies ourselves, really. And I was terrified. On becoming a father. Mostly about money. She wasn't worried. She had faith that things were going to work out. She always had faith."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His eyes clothes, and he looks pained, looks hurt. He opens them again, and the lights of the fires reflect more from his wet eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And then one day, she was gonna go visit a friend. There was an accident....and the Lord taketh," He looks away from me, "They rushed me to a hospital and put me in a room with this little pink bundle stuffed with tubes and they said I had to be strong because my little girl was gonna live," He stares into me, into my very fucking soul, " That God was looking out for our daughter."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They left me alone in a room with her. I just....stared...at my daughter. So helpless. So innocent. And all she had in the world was me. A nobody, from nowhere, with nothing," He says it with bite, with frustration, anger, "And in that moment I knew that God was testing me. He was laying out a path before me, and all I had to do was choose."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So I put my hand on my little girl's head, and I leaned in and I could smell. And we prayed together. Prayed for wisdom. Prayed for strength...then I knew....I heard God's plan for me. And I took my fingers and I put them on that little plastic tube that was taped to her angelic face and I pinched it shut - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull my arm back, socking him in the face. His glasses fly off. I spit at him, reaching an arm through the bars, trying to grab him as he scrambles back, "Fuck you, fuck you!" I'm yelling at the top of my fucking lungs, "You're nothing but a fucking murderer and I'm gonna put you in the fucking ground where you belong!" I started kicking at the bars, shouldering into it, hoping they were old and weak enough for me to bust out of. It had only been a few hours since I was captured. I was still strong. I look at Pratt, and he just stands there, eyes wide and crazed. Didn't take a genius to realize he'd been tortured and brainwashed. He wasn't going to help me. I wasn't going anywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jacob scrambles to help his brother, lifting him by his arm. Joseph jerks away, and he picks up his glasses. There's a crack in one of the lenses.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And after a little while - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fuck you!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Her legs began to kick and kick...And then, nothing."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Walker pulls me back by my shirt, "D - D - D - Dep, don't - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Stillness," He says it with a calmness I didn't think was possible, given I had just landed a clean left hook to his jaw, "Release. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh. Pain. Sacrifice. They're all part of His test. Only have to prove that we can serve God...no matter what He asks."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let me out of this cage and I'll show you some fucking pain!" I want to fucking kill him, strangle him with my hands. It doesn't matter if I die in the process, so long as I get it done, "False fucking Prophet! Bitch!" What kind of God asks you to kill your own? What merciful, what loving, what righteous and true God would make you choose between your destiny, and another's life, and you take your destiny over it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joseph turns to his brother, and pats his shoulder, looking fondly at him, "You've done well," He says. Then he walks off. I'm screaming for him to come back, and Walker is holding me, and he's way stronger than he looks, because even raging like that, he can hold onto me, no problem.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jacob stares me, dead in the eyes, and takes his music box from his pocket and winds it. Walker covers my ears, like it would help. My eyes see the world in pink, and I pass out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm back in that dream. That red - tinged, blood - fueled dream. I'm angry, and like any person with a rage issue, I need to take it out on other people. I storm through that fucking dream like a warhorse, taking out people so fast that I'm running through clouds of ash and smoke. But it's different, this time. It's longer, another room added. The last enemy, the last cloud of smoke, it faceless.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up on the side of a mountain, surrounded by blood and bodies. I turn onto my side, and vomit, the smell of death overwhelming me. I sit up in the blood of blood I'm laying in, weakly standing on my feet. How long was I gone this time? Just the night? It felt like it was just the night. I get a call on my radio. It's Eli, saying that the Whitetails have been looking for me all night.</em>
</p><p>I<em> meander back to the Wolf's Den, sticking to the trees so I don't get spotted. I don't have any guns, and I show up to the den, tired. Eli asks me where I've been. I ask him how long was I gone. He says the whole night. It was late morning now. Not so bad, really. I told him I got taken by Jacob again. But I didn't want to say anything else. I just walked deeper into the bunker, and took up a cot, and laid there. I looked over at a cot across. I recognized one of the shirts folded as Walker's. I covered my face with my hands, and felt shame. Anger, and shame. My outburst might've gotten Walker killed, as punishment. But I was also thinking about the daughter Joseph Seed snatched the life from.</em></p><p>
  <em>I feel sorry for Ethan. I used to see his notes in the village. Bit of a writer, kept a few journals he'd write in. But some I noticed some of the notes he had wasn't his. Not his handwriting. He left his journal out, and fell asleep without closing it from his desk. I looked in it, and saw a note from his mom. She was part of the cult, at one point. Wasn't clear whether she and Joseph had a long - standing affair, or if it was a one - time tryst. All I know is that she left before Faith arrived. Never told Joseph she was pregnant.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was there when Ethan arrived at New Eden. His mother had walked hundreds of miles to bring him to us...To his father. Megan, her name was. When she arrived, she looked sick. She looked like she was dying. I know the throws of radiation poisoning when I see it. She proclaimed that she ran from the cult all those years ago, but returned to deliver Ethan to his father. Joseph was shocked, but he looked at the boy, and didn't question his parentage. Accepted him without a hint of doubt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The two were there for a few days, then one morning, everyone awoke to do their daily chores, and Ethan's mother was gone. No note, no sign of where she was going. Just gone. Ethan was alone, with people he didn't know, with a father he just met, with no word from her. I don't know if she wanted to dump her son off to his father, or if she was dying, and didn't want Ethan to see. Either way, shitty on her part.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Distinctly, I remember feeling fear for Ethan. It was the first time I felt anything that wasn't fear of the Father. I remembered what he said he did to his daughter, and wondered; Is he going to kill Ethan, too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, he never did. He taught Ethan our ways, raised him as a preacher's son. A lot of the flock wasn't sure Ethan was Joseph's, since he looked exactly like his mother and nothing like the Father, but Joseph denied these rumors. It became taboo to think that way, soon enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think Joseph was desperate for family. For not a family of flock, but a family of blood. To know his own, instead of others. I think that's why he accepted him so fast. If he deluded himself into thinking Ethan was his, he would be. Isn't that funny. A man so beloved is the loneliest in the world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you want my opinion on it, I like to think Ethan is his. Just as a cruel fuck you to Joseph. When he threw himself off that waterfall, Cap, it was because he had nothing left. He got that little bit of light back, in Ethan's arrival, and once he thought he lost it, he lost every family he'd ever known. He'd thrown it all away, for God, for the Voice he heard in his head, for his Eden.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But if you want the facts, I've got one for you: When New Eden said no fornicating, they said no fornicating. The only to would be to get married, and even then, all sexual activity was only meant to be for procreation. Never love. Never pleasure. Joseph Seed preached chastity, and lived chaste himself. Maybe he fell off the wagon while I wasn't looking, but I don't think so, Cap. He lived his rules and vows to a tee, without a waver. Now, if Ethan's mother showed up talking about John Seed, it'd be different, but no. Ethan was Joseph's, according to her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"Captain?"</p><p>Cap's head picks up, and she marks her page, shutting the book. Ethan is standing at the base of the tree, one hand pressed against the trunk, "What?" She snaps. She didn't mean to, of course, but the Judge's words had shaken her.</p><p>Ethan is taken aback by her tone, "It's my turn to be on lookout."</p><p>She looks at the sky, seeing that late afternoon was delving into the evening. She rubs her face, "Ah. Right," She reaches down, holding out a hand for Ethan to take. He hauls himself up with her help. He settles between her legs, on of them over his lap, and the other still swinging.</p><p>"Are you alright?"</p><p>She nods her head, "I'm fine, I...." She folds her hands over the book.</p><p>Ethan eyes it, "A tough read?"</p><p>"No. It's my private journal," She shrugs. She debates, in that moment, whether to tell Ethan what the book really was. That his father once had a wife, and that Ethan once had a sister. If he was their blood, at all. How depraved Joseph Seed was. How cruel. Ethan deserved to know.</p><p>But....the Judge gave her the book, not Ethan. They put their trust in her, not him. She promises that once she's finished, she'd show Ethan, but for the time, it'd be her secret.</p><p>He blinks, "Oh. I didn't know you wrote."</p><p>Keeping with her lie, she brushes hair out of her face, "I'm no good at it. It's just a hobby."</p><p>"Is it just a diary?"</p><p>She nods, "Just documenting the days."</p><p>"I used to have a journal, too. It was destroyed when the Highwayman razed New Eden," He reaches under his shirt, and into the waist of his pants, bringing out a journal of his own. It was a scratched up, dark blue, "But I didn't let the destruction of it stop me."</p><p>"Oh. Cool," She didn't expect him to show her that.</p><p>Luckily for her, he stows the journal away, not looking to share, "Interesting, isn't it? We couldn't be more different, yet we have the same side hobby."</p><p>"It sure is, Eth," She grins tightly.</p><p>They sit in silence for a while, enjoying the shade. Ethan presses his lips together a few times, obviously thinking for more to say, but finding nothing to hold onto. However, that doesn't stop him from rubbing Cap's thigh in his lap, each stroke reaching further up. Cap knew exactly what he wanted, as this was his awkward attempt at trying to initiate physical contact, but Cap definitely wasn't in the mood after Judge's most recent chapter.</p><p>Eventually, the awkwardness was too much for her to bear. She tucks her book under her coat, "Um...I'm gonna go get some sleep."</p><p>Ethan opens his mouth to argue, but whatever disagreements he has, he reels back, "Have a good evening, Captain," Ethan says quietly.</p><p>She bids him a goodnight, and hops down and heads back to the camp. Mickey is curled up on her bedroll, turned away, Timber pressed against her back. Cap tucks Judge's book under her pillow. She grabs her raincoat, and places it over Mickey's sleeping form, patting Timber on his head. She passes out as soon as her head hits the pillow of her bedroll.</p><p>
  <strong>Cap's eyes open to a field of flowers. She's standing in a sea of pink, the flowers coming up to her thighs. She brushes her fingers over the soft petals, then looks up at the cloudless, pink sky. The only thing to mar the pink is the large, white speck of the sun, bearing down hotly. She feels something heavy fill her hand, and looks down to see Judge's book. She feels over the cover, hugging it close to her chest.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>There's a rumble all around her, and she twists around. A wall of fire consumes the field, so far away, yet getting closer and closer. Cap hold the book tight, and runs the other direction. She can smell smoke and ash, and it suffocates her. Sirens blare behind her as she runs. She stumbles, and the book flies out of her hands. She tries to grab it, but a whip of flame flicks out, grabbing it, holding it. She yells out for it, watching the white cover blacken with ash, flames crawling up to swallow the pages. She reaches out for it -</strong>
</p><p>"Cap? Cap?" Someone shakes her.</p><p>Cap jolts upright, sending Mickey reeling back. Mickey is staring at her, confused, Timber looking on with her. Cap wipes sweat from her face, then checks under her pillow. Judge's book is still there. <em>Just a dream, just a dream.</em></p><p>"You OK?" Mickey asks.</p><p>Cap takes a deep breath, "I'm fine."</p><p>"You sure? You were yelling in your sleep."</p><p>"Just a nightmare. I get them from time - to - time, don't you?"</p><p>"Not ones that make me scream in my sleep."</p><p>Cap ignores her, grabbing her water jug and downing some of it. She wipes her mouth. Timber trots closer, licking her cheek. Mickey is still staring at her.</p><p>"Didn't know long road trips made you so grumpy," She says.</p><p>"We left on such short notice - "</p><p>"Your choice," She points out.</p><p>Cap huffs and looks at the sky, scratching Timber's head. It's night now, stars dotting the sky, "We leaving?"</p><p>"Yeah. You go grab Ethan while I pack up camp."</p><p>Cap hums in acknowledgment, then goes off to find Ethan. She can't shake the image of Judge's book burning in her head. She stops at the trunk of their watch tree, cupping a hand to her mouth, "Ethan?"</p><p>He's awake, as he should be, but he has his nose buried into his journal. He picks his head up, and closes it, "Yes?"</p><p>"We're leaving," She helps Ethan down from the perch, "Anything new?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Alright, then. Let's get going."</p><p>They return back to the camp. Mickey has already rolled up their bedrolls, tarp taken down and folded up. They gather their things, and head off.</p><p>As they walk, Cap makes conversation, "So how long until we get to the place where you were raised, Eth?"</p><p>"Well, we're night three, so three more days. It's a town, right off of a major traffic way. Lot's of people crossing between the East and the West."</p><p>"When you say people, do you mean Highwaymen?"</p><p>"Yes and no. They're independent to the Highwaymen, but the Highwaymen would stop frequently for fuel and supplies. It's a farming community, but even when I was young, I could say it was impressive."</p><p>Cap looks at Mickey, who trotted ahead, Bean's compass in one hand, the map of Montana in the other, "Know anything about it?"</p><p>Mickey picks her head up, but doesn't look back, "Maybe. Not many independent communities this far East. Shoot me a name?"</p><p>"Bucket Valley."</p><p>"Ah. Yeah, I remember that place. Fields of wheat, far as we could see. Lotta different crops, but it's mainly wheat."</p><p>"That's the place."</p><p>"Haven't kept track of it?"</p><p>"No. Last time I heard anything was when I was six, before we left for New Eden," He pauses, "How is it now?"</p><p>"Haven't been there in over a year, but last time I checked, it was still independent, but we're they're best customers, so it might just be an unspoken allyship. I think what keeps it single is the bars and whorehouses."</p><p>Ethan makes a shocked sound, "What the - <em>Whorehouses</em>?"</p><p>"Yup," Mickey says, casting a glance over her shoulder, "Why? Scared of a brothel, Eden?"</p><p>He looks down at the ground as he walks, fixing his backpack on his shoulders, "I didn't realize it fell so low...It was perfectly fine being a farming community."</p><p>"Well. Times change. It's a big community, and you can only have so many bars. Besides, brothels aren't such a bad gig. Highwaymen make sure they're all up to code, as in, we cut off the dicks and tits of every customer who makes trouble."</p><p>Cap shudders, "That's really specific, Mickey."</p><p>"Yeah, well, we Highwaymen take care of our own, even if it's independent. Long as there's an agreement in place, and our people are there, we're fine with it. We might seem like a bunch of savages, but we're pretty organized, and we ain't cruel to our own. Just others," She casts a smile back, "But, if we go there, I don't know if I can follow in. I'll get recognized in a second."</p><p>Cap cracks her knuckles, "Don't worry about anyone fuckin' with ya', I've got your back," She elbows Ethan, "Right?"</p><p>Distracted, he mumbles a low response, "Yeah. Right."</p><p>Mickey scoffs, "Oh, get over it, Eden. Be thankful your innocent little farming valley is still on the maps. It's still a big farming community, they've just got other assets available."</p><p>Ethan falls quiet, thumping his walking stick against the ground.</p><p>Cap swings her arms, hoping to change the mood, "What about your place, Mickey? How were things there?"</p><p>"Cold," Mickey says, "Real fuckin' cold."</p><p>She nods, "Sounds like it was hard."</p><p>"Was harder before the Highwaymen came in. At least, that's what my pops would always tell us. What about you, Cap?"</p><p>"Well, I'm from Cali. South Cali, San Francisco. It was warm, muggy, mostly, always sunny."</p><p>"Sounds nice."</p><p>"Yeah. With Rush and all the other preppers helping out the communities, it's basically a paradise out there. Everybody helps one another, for nothing, and everyone has a job, even if it's small. Surviving is important, agriculture and fishing and hunting, but libraries and schools are top priority. Wasn't easy, but it paid off."</p><p>Mickey makes a sound of acknowledgment, and keeps walking.</p><p>For a few hours, Ethan is quiet. Cap sticks by his side, offering him jerky pieces on the way. But Cap only only take the silence for so long before she has to interrupt it.</p><p>"So, about your journal, Eth...."</p><p>"What about it?"</p><p>"Is it like mine? Like, a diary? Or do you write stories, too?"</p><p>He's quiet for a few moments, "I do a little writing."</p><p>"What do you write about?"</p><p>"It's private."</p><p>"Oh. OK," She kicks a rock, "Um, because if you ever want to share, I'd like to read them. If you need feedback or anything. But, like, I'm sure you won't need my input, because I've listened to some'a those speeches back when you were in New Eden, and they were pretty powerful, so...I can only imagine the kinda shit you write down - "</p><p>"If I tell you, will you drop it?"</p><p>Cap nods, "Yeah yeah yeah."</p><p>Ethan stares straight as he answers, "I do a little poetry."</p><p>"Really? Poetry?"</p><p>"What's so odd about it?"</p><p>"Well....poetry is usually, like, really romantic, and you...." She catches herself before she can say anymore, "OK, well, I didn't mean it like that - "</p><p>"Not all poetry is romantic," Ethan says sharply, "It can me dramatic, cruel, violent. It's not all roses and daisies."</p><p>Her feels her cheeks burn. He doesn't say anything else, just keeps walking. They make it further, and just as the sun starts to appear on the horizon, the forest breaks into cracked roads, decaying shells of old houses and buildings surrounding them. Cap guesses it had to have been a town, some years ago. She approaches a small, wood sign, partially broken, half - buried in dirt, but she finds a name on it. Circling Hawk County. Dirt and flowers and grass took up parts of the decayed town, filling places where people no longer traveled.</p><p>"Timber," Cap calls out, snapping. Timber picks his head up. She points in the direction of the buildings, "Search."</p><p>Timber is off at a trot, nose touched to the ground, sniffing.</p><p>She turns to Mickey, "See? He came in handy."</p><p>"Mhm," Mickey says, readying her rifle. Cap does the same with her bow.</p><p>"What should I do?" Ethan asks in a whisper.</p><p>"You don't know how to fight?" Mickey asks him.</p><p>"Not really, no."</p><p>She shakes her head, "Fucking unbelievable..."</p><p>Cap taps his shoulder, "Just stick with me."</p><p>"OK. I'm right behind you."</p><p>The team scopes out the houses. The town is too big to search every one, so they stick with a small portion they arrived at. Five houses, one big building.</p><p>"I didn't find anybody," Mickey says when they meet back up.</p><p>"Us either," Cap says. Timber trots up, rubbing his face on Cap's pants, "Neither did Timbs, here."</p><p>"Nothing looks disturbed," Ethan points out, "All of the buildings are still boarded up."</p><p>"Guess it's clear."</p><p>The houses were all in extreme disrepair, but the large building looked relatively intact. There's a half - ruined gazebo outside, mostly hidden by grass and wildflowers. The team approaches the building. Mickey brushes away dirt on a metal sign.</p><p>"Hey," She says, "This used to be a garage."</p><p>"Oh, nice," Cap says, "Might be something good inside," She tucks away her gun, taking out her trusty crowbar. The front door to the place of business is blocked off with old, weathered boards. She jams one end into one of the boards, pushing. She rips the boards from the door, no problem.</p><p>The inside of the garage is empty. Shelves are lined with nothing, dust covering every surface. Cap inhales stale air, switching to a pistol and scoping the area out. It was still dark, but the morning light shone through the splits of the other boards that covered the windows. A small back room was piled high with old, rotting boxes. She looks at the ceiling, and is happy to know that there's no holes in it. Seeing that it's empty, not only of people, but also of critters. She motions for everyone else to come inside.</p><p>"It's clear."</p><p>"Anything good?"</p><p>"No. Store is empty, haven't checked the garage yet."</p><p>"OK, me 'n Eden will keep watch out here while you do that."</p><p>"Will you stop calling me that?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Stop fighting," Cap says, "Let me take a look."</p><p>The doorway to the garage is open, and inside is mainly empty, besides the rusted shell of an off - road vehicle, its tires missing. She goes back to the front door, peering out.</p><p>"It's clear."</p><p>"Anything in the garage?"</p><p>"Some, but I don't know how much of it is valuable."</p><p>"Well, I'll take a look."</p><p>The team enters the building. Ethan lets out a soft sound of disgust, "Ugh, the dust - "</p><p>"Seems like a nice place to set up camp," Cap points out, "We could use the gazebo as a lookout point, and keep the rest of the building boarded up."</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey agrees, "Let's see if the garage door will open up."</p><p>While the inside of the garage is just piled with dust, the outside is piled high with dirt. With no shovels to clear it, the door won't open. The three of them give up trying to find a way to open the garage door, they stop their searching and set up camp. While Ethan worked on getting dinner started, Cap cleared a space in the main building by pushing away all the furniture, and Mickey starts to inspect the car.</p><p>"How's it looking?" Cap asks her.</p><p>"Engine's gone," She says, "So's most of the guts. Looks like someone salvaged everything they could, but left the body behind," She stands straight, taking her gloves off, "Nothing of value. Yeah, looks like this place is only good for a good night's rest."</p><p>"There's a little back room, too, filled with all these old boxes. Might have something of value."</p><p>Ethan calls them for dinner, and the two decide to save their search for later. He's set up a fire in the front of the closed garage door, outside, with a bot that boils. He's made root soup, a mix of herb roots and vegetables, making it smell earthy and clean. It's less thick than a meaty stew that Cap or Mickey would prefer, but it's delicious all the same.</p><p>"Kinda useless in a fight," Mickey says with a big, satisfied grin, "But damn, if you can't cook."</p><p>He grimaces, "Gee. Thanks."</p><p>"You really don't know how to use a gun? Or a bow?" Cap asks.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Weren't you Edeners trying to replicate the stone age?" Mickey asks, "Shouldn't you know how to use a bow? Shouldn't that be, like, second nature?"</p><p>He sighs, "Once I got to New Eden, Joseph immediately took me under his wing. He taught me their ways, but all of the ways I was shown were within the walls, not outside them. I was taught how to farm, build structures, skin game that was brought back. Only the Chosen could go out and hunt and handle weaponry."</p><p>"And the Chosen are....?"</p><p>"Our warriors. They were the ones who were making the lives of your Highwaymen Hell in the valley. They're our most powerful. The Father's elite. There's too many dangers for a regular Edener to face without their abilities."</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey points at Cap, "That's where those steroid apples come from, right?"</p><p>"Right," Ethan continues, "I....wasn't allowed to become a Chosen, and in turn, never allowed to take up a bow."</p><p>"Why weren't you allowed?"</p><p>"My father didn't allow it."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"He didn't want me to."</p><p>Mickey nods her head, "I get that. What dad says, goes."</p><p>Cap's eyes flick between them. Mickey and Ethan were parallels of one another, in a few different ways. They were both pariahs of their communities, both suffering under the legacy of powerful fathers, and they were both driven by the loss of someone close to them. She tilts her head towards Ethan, "I could teach you," She says, "I've got my bow all ready here, plenty of arrows, if you wanna practice."</p><p>"Lotta ground between here and where we need to go. It's not worth the waste of ammo," Mickey says, "There's an armory out in Bucket Valley, with a shooting range."</p><p>His face sours, "A shooting range?"</p><p>"Yeah. Big Barbie's Armory. New customers get the first clip free. We can take him there."</p><p>"Armories, brothels, bars..." Ethan shakes his head, "I won't recognize the place."</p><p>"But you should still recognize some of the people," Cap points out, "They could give us some help on the way to Michigan."</p><p>"If they haven't died of radiation poisoning, too," He says bitterly.</p><p>"We don't know that," Cap says, "Have a little hope."</p><p>Both Mickey and Ethan groan, and roll their eyes, "You and your fuckin' hope, Cap," Mickey says. She stands from the fire, "Let's just hope there's something good in that back room for us to trade."</p><p>Cap's cheeks burn. People usually liked her little bits of wisdom, but her two companions found them teased and mocked her in a relentless fashion.</p><p>It was early morning now, but not a lot of light shone inside the building. Cap took out her lantern, white light casting through the back room. The boxes in the back are cardboard, old and musty. Cap and Mickey pull bandanas over their noses to fight the dust, pulling the boxes out of the back and setting them in the main shop.</p><p>As the two dig, through, Ethan comes in, "Should I take first watch?"</p><p>"Well, me and Mickey are gonna look through all this, and I'm not so tired yet. You get some rest, we'll take first watch."</p><p>While Ethan looks like he has more to say, he doesn't speak, and grabs his bedroll to set up in the garage, Timber following. Mickey and Cap continue digging through the boxes. They found old tools, other parts and supplies.</p><p>"What a score," Mickey says with a smirk, digging through, "Axles, pistons....Fuck, brake rotors? These'll get us anything we need in Bucket Valley."</p><p>"There's way too much of this stuff to carry."</p><p>"Cowards talk. We'll leave some of the less valuable parts, but bring the rest with us. We can rip that hood off that car body and use it as a sled, and cover the boxes with that extra tarp I have so they don't get rained on."</p><p>"Smart," Cap picks her head up, grinning. Mickey looks happy as can be, digging through the parts. She gets a flicker of a memory, of Mickey, staring at the Rye garage. When Nick was otherwise occupied, she sometimes lingered there, and admired the vehicles he was working on, before slinking away when he arrived again. She always seemed to get drawn to machinery, especially cars. Every time they travelled and were using vehicles, she always wanted to drive. Roger Cadoret was frequently scooting her away from his helipad.</p><p>"Did you do a lot of car work with the Highwaymen?"</p><p>Mickey nods, "Not as much as I liked, running the them and following my dad around, but I did. By the time I was fifteen, I could take apart a truck piece by piece and put it back together. You know all those paintings and graffiti tags around the valley?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I designed 'em. Pops never let us decorate nothin', but once he died, and me and Lou found ourselves at the top, I started tagging every surface I could get my hands on. Lou had most of the visions, but it was me who brought it all to life," Her smile falters a little, "You wanna see somethin'?"</p><p>"Sure, yeah."</p><p>Mickey reaches over, grabbing her bag. She opens up a side pocket, taking journal. She doesn't open it up, just hands it to Cap. It's light blue, covered in marker. It's light, packed with paper. Cap flips through it, soaking in the pages and pages of graffiti tagging, stylized portraits and environments, some detailed and sharp, others simplified and bubbled. Cap looks up, smiling.</p><p>"These fucking rule, dude," She says.</p><p>Mickey rubs the back of her neck, "Thanks, Cap."</p><p>"Some of these would making fucking stellar tattoos."</p><p>She smiles wide, "Lucky you, I have practice. See these?" She points to the tattooed stars on her face, "My work. Took a real careful hand, but worth it"</p><p>"They're pretty damn cool, dude."</p><p>"If you can find me a tattoo gun, or a few sewing needles, I can ink you up all you like."</p><p>"What'd you want for 'em?"</p><p>Mickey is quiet, for a moment, then reaches out, brushing Cap's hair out of her face, "I can think of a few things," She says with a smirk.</p><p>Cap smiles lopsidedly, shuffling a little closer and closing Mickey's sketchbook, "I'm sure it'll be worth all of it."</p><p>"Let's take this outside, hm?"</p><p>First, Cap checks on Ethan and Timber, making sure they were both resting soundly. Then, she set up a piece of twine across the bottom of the doorway, connecting one end to a set of tin cans. If someone tried to enter the building, or should Ethan leave, it would alert the two outside.</p><p>The two round the building, setting up under a tree that was pushing against the side. The tree was surrounded by tall purple flowers, almost gating the tree off from the rest of the area.</p><p>Cap wraps her arms around Mickey's shoulders, kissing her. She steers her until her back is pressed against the trunk of the tree. Mickey smiles through the kiss, roaming her hands down and grabbing Cap by her backside, pushing their hips together.</p><p>In a few moments, Cap had pulled Mickey's jogger pants and briefs down and lowered herself onto her knees. Mickey threads her fingers through Cap's hair, scratching at her scalp. Cap kisses up her thighs, sucking hard on her skin, leaving behind bruises. Mickey was a fan of those - marks hidden from plain sight, either on her, or Cap. Cap presses her tongue flat against her clit, feeling the fingers in her hair tighten.</p><p>Sucking lightly, Cap strokes her hands up and down Mickey's thighs, lightly dragging her nails down her skin. Mickey stifles a groan. Cap swallows salt and slick, burying her mouth between Mickey's legs, who bites her bottom lip and grinds down.</p><p>"You suck for making me stand," She says. Cap huffs a gentle laugh.</p><p>As Cap works her mouth, she keeps her eyes up, fixed on Mickey. How beautiful she was, bleached hair reflecting the morning light, eyes closed, letting out the breathiest of moans. Though she bites her lip, she's got a grin on her face. Cap sighs. She loved seeing Mickey smile.</p><p>She kneels there, feeling her thighs burn, until Mickey's rolling hips move a little more erratically, fingers tightening in Cap's hair, pulling. Cap sucks at Mickey's clit until her groans grow louder, and she covers her own mouth to stifle her voice, thighs tensing. When Mickey finishes, and her hands falls slack, Cap peels away, licking up the slick on her lips. Mickey looks down, letting a low chuckle leave her.</p><p>"That's one tattoo," She says. She sinks to her knees, pulling Cap in by the collar of her windbreaker, and kisses her. Cap shivers at the tongue wedged into her mouth. Mickey's hands slide up her shirt, fondling her chest.</p><p>And then there's the crash of a tower of tin cans, and Timber barking.</p><p>Cap wastes no time, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and rushing to the front of the building. Having left her weapons inside, she pulls off her glove, and presses the inside of her palm, where Joseph Seed had branded her.</p><p>When she first received her Eden's Gift, Joseph had given her his sigil, as a way to summon the power whenever she needed it. It was small, barely the size of a dime, set into the center of her palm. She pressed her thumb into it.</p><p>As the Gift always did, hot white adrenaline shot through her body, giving the world around her a golden glow. She felt lighter, but stronger. She skids to a stop in front of the garage, eyes wide, ready to rush inside.</p><p>But there's no intruder. All she sees in Timber, with a rope around his paw, barking. Ethan is in the doorway, too, trying to undo the rope. His face is screwed up, frustrated, trying to shush the dog, but to no avail.</p><p>Cap heaves a heavy sigh, "Ethan, what the Hell is going on?"</p><p>"It wasn't me. Timber woke me up...what in God's name is with the cans?"</p><p>She shrugs, "Me 'n Mickey were just looking around, thought we'd fix a trap up in case anybody came by."</p><p>"Well, it certainly was effective - " He eventually gets the rope of from around Timber's paw. He waves a finger at him, "No barking."</p><p>Timber gets into his space, licking his cheek. He huffs, pushing the dog away. When he looks at Cap, his eyebrows furrow in curiosity, instead of anger. He overlooks her, "Are you alright?"</p><p>She nods, "We're fine, but you guys gave us fuckin' heart attacks!" She looks over, and Mickey has walked closer. Her clothes are fixed, and she meets Cap's eyes, rolling her own. She puts her hands on her hips, jerking her chin to Ethan.</p><p>"Too clumsy for your midnight piss, Eden?"</p><p>Ethan simply lets out a hiss through his teeth, retreating back into the dark of the garage.</p><p>Mickey huffs through her nose. She looks at Cap, sliding a hand on her shoulder, "Still feel like getting back to it?"</p><p>Cap sighs, "I can't, I'm...." She holds up her palm, showing Mickey Joseph's sigil.</p><p>She frowns, "Oh, shit," She clicks her tongue, "Total moodkiller."</p><p>She shrugs, "You get some sleep. It'll take at least an hour to wear off."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'm sure."</p><p>Mickey's hand lingers on her shoulder, before slipping off, "Wake me up for second shift?"</p><p>She nods, "I've got you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*waving my flag alone in the mickey fanclub corner* wamen......</p><p>i love mickey and im gay. ethan will get a chapter later on lol</p><p>thnx for reading :)!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yuh.........</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cap settles in the abandoned gazebo by the front of the garage. She opens Judge's book again.</p><p>
  <em>Honestly, Cap, even after everything Ethan has done.....I'm not angry with him. I still hate what he did, but I don't hate him. Abandoned by his mother from a young age, in a land completely fucking foreign to him, with a father he didn't know. It could drive any kid to madness. Then when he turned 18, Joseph just straight disappeared. We couldn't find him anywhere, and the whole village turned to him for guidance and leadership. Eighteen years old. That's like a junior adult. He had no business being left alone to care for a village.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Heavy is the head that wears the crown, as they say.</em>
</p><p>The next holds a leaflet with an image of Ethan. He's standing in front of a doorway, back turned. His shoulders are hunched, head tilted low, hands balled up into tight fists. The Judge had added a crown of thorns over his head, with blood dripping down. Under the leaflet, there's a portrait of Ethan, staring forward, expression sour.</p><p>
  <em>So, I fall asleep in the Wolf's Den, and wake up to Jess staring at me from a cot across. I sit up, and she tells me that Eli said I was taken by Jacob's Chosen. I tell her I had been. She asks me what it's like. I tell her Hell is kinder. I eat a little, shower, Jess floating nearby. She was ready for action, of course, but I think she felt guilty for storming off, since I got kidnapped right after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eli greets me, asks me how I'm doing, puts a hand on my shoulder, and it's so heavy. He's in his thirties, but he looks so much older, eyes sunken and dark. I tell him I'm happy to be alive, but I regretted leaving, because Jacob had Walker. I watch his eyes close, then open again, and they're just filled with heavy sadness. He pats my arm again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Least we've still got you, huh?" He tells me. So optimistic, all the time, "I think Tammy might have a job for you. Why don't you see her whenever you're ready," His hand falls from my shoulder, weak. He takes every Whitetail death so personally, like it was his fault, like all of it was his doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Which I can understand why, seeing as he helped design the bunkers for the Seeds. His work is really fucking good, too. I think that's why he fights so hard, to undo what he sees as his past. It was his designs that set the Seeds up with their little home bases. I don't think he did anything wrong. With John's family fortune funding that project, I think the money would've been way too good to pass up. I know he had a son, and a wife, but the wife divorced him some time ago. Don't know what happened to the son. Maybe he died before the Seeds came to town, maybe after. Either way, Eli carried a heavy burden wherever he fucking went.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I suit up, grab a spare firearm, and me and Jess pop in to say hi to Tammy. She's got a Chosen in her kiddie pool, and the whole room smells like burning flesh, the body and water smoking, a towel thankfully covering the Chosen's face. She looks at me, crosses her arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wasn't sure you'd come back," And I wasn't sure if she was happy, or sad about it, "But I guess you're full of surprises. This squealer here ran security up by the Stone Ridge Chalet," She motions to the fizzling body, "Lucky for us, he wasn't that good at his job, and wound up in my kiddie pool. Seems the place is being used as a training ground for the Chosen. If you've seen 'em in action, you know how ruthless they are."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod my head. Jacob's Chosen were like wolves, violent and unrelenting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know what Jacob tells 'em to use for target practice? Live bodies. Gets their first kill jitters out of the way. These motherfuckers don't value any life that ain't in their cult, and they need to be put down like the dogs they are," I see a burn in her eyes. Not just of anger, but that shine of revenge, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She steps a little closer to me, "So you're gonna go down to that chalet, you're gonna kill every Chosen you see, and you're gonna rig that building with explosives, and then, we're gonna watch that whole fuckin' place turn into a smoldering heap of ash. Sound good to you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I only say: Do you already have explosives, or should I pick them up on the way?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tammy already has a few packed, and I grab 'em, and me and Jess are on our way. She's kinda quiet, a little less than she usually is, and when we come to a little ridge outside the chalet, I crouch low next to her. I tell her I'm not mad at her, for any of it. Not the kiss, not storming off, and certainly not for me getting kidnapped. I didn't hold any grudges, and how could I? I was just lucky they didn't capture her alongside me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stares at me, for a little bit, and asks me if now was really the best time to be talking about it. I say yes. She sighs, and sits down. She tells me that she's been having feelings for me, but she didn't know if it was because of me being me, or just because she felt the need to stick by my side after everything I've done for her and the Whitetails.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm kinda shocked, really. I've never cared about romance, or even dating, really. Not until I met Jess, and those thoughts started popping up here and there, especially when she was around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shift in my spot, and tell her that, whether it's real or not, that now wasn't the right time to try to work something out. There was just too much shit going on, and all the stress could just be pushing her towards me. She sits, and thinks, and nods her head. Yeah, she says, Could be it. I tell her that, I really do like her, in the same way, but it just wasn't the right time. She huffs, almost grins, and says; See you after the war?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell her I'll be waiting in the Spread Eagle in Fall's End, whenever she's ready.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We shoulder our weapons, and get to work. We're sneaking around the chalet, and it's like an army base. There's a n obstacle course outside, with cultists training. Sniper nests watch every angle. Inside, every bunk is orderly and neat, and the basement has lines of polished boots and other equipment, ready to dress the troops. We first set the charges, arming them, then rush out of the building. We take shelter behind a ridge, and call Tammy, telling her to keep an eye out for the next forty seconds.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, forty seconds pass, and for the final five seconds, Tammy gives us a countdown. When one hits, she says, "This is for Mark."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Boom. The whole thing explodes in a ball of fire. Ash falls from the sky, like snow, and I watch the roof buckle and collapse, killing everyone who was trapped inside. The confusion the explosion caused gives me and Jess enough time to take out the Peggies trying to escape.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the dust settles, Tammy speaks again, "Ain't that a pretty sight? Good fuckin' riddance," She sounds so bitter and angry, "You gotta understand something, Dep. No one comes back from Jacob's chair the same, I've seen it. Firsthand. You go in one way, and you come out another. Eli thinks you're clear. But only time will tell. Anyhow, plenty more to do back at the Wolf's Den. Stop by if you're around, and...Thanks, Dep. For all you've been doin'."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Jess wander through the mountains for a little bit, checking things out, freeing hostages, usual. Then we get a call from Hurk, and he's asking if I'm OK. I tell him yes, and ask if he needs anything. He says no, but the F.A.N.G. Center was getting overrun by Peggies, and the people at the center needed help. I tell him, despite the look Jess throws me, to meet us on the South side, and we'll liberate the place together. He agrees, and we're off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We meet up, and just looking at it fills me with dread. All the cages are empty, but there's blood splatters everywhere, white Judges patrolling. I don't see anyone outside, so me and Hurk team up, and just start blowing cultists away. All the people were holed up inside, and once we cleared the area, we freed them all. Me and Hurk high - fived. Hurk attempted to high - five Jess, who did not high five him, but I gave him another high - five to make up for it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As the people are trying to clean the place up, a guy named Wade asks me if I've seen a bear recently. But he's not looking for any ol' bear, he's looking for the mascot of the F.A.N.G. Center, Cheeseburger. Named so because they feed them to him as snacks. I say, no, I haven't, and he tells me to keep an eye out for him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, Hurk looks at me, and he begs me to help Wade out and make sure Cheeseburger is found, safe and sound. That bear could really boost the morale around the mountains, and, quote; He's too sweet to be Judgey - ified, Dep! We've gotta look for 'em!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wade, and this was the oddest thing I've ever been given, gave me a whole salmon to feed him so he'll warm up to me. I make Hurk carry it, and he looks like a kid at Christmas, asking if he'll be allowed to feed Cheeseburger. Jess rolls her eyes. She seems to do that a lot with Hurk around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So we make our way through the mountains, eyes peeled for a fat bear with a collar, and stumble upon an old train yard. It's got heavy Peggie activity, except......all the Peggies are already dead. We move to the back of the yard, and laying on an old tarp, asleep, was Cheeseburger. He's snoring loud, but upon hearing up approach, stirs. I tell Hurk to throw the salmon over towards him, and he does, and it flops wetly on the ground. Immediately, Cheeseburger's ear perk, and his sniffer raises into the air. I pass my gun to Hurk, and slide closer to him, putting a hand out. Cheeseburger lazily gets up, sniffing at the salmon. As he eats, a put a hand to his head, real cautious, and pet him. God, I've never been so close to a bear before. I felt like my heart was gonna leap out of my chest. But Cheeseburger is real friendly, too friendly to ever be released out into the wild, and he raises his head and lets me scratch under his chin and behind his ears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With our bear friend in tow, we get back to the F.A.N.G. Center. Wade looks like I delivered him the Ark of the Covenant, he's so happy. Cheeseburger runs right up to him, laying his head on his chest and letting out these happy noises. Wade thanks me, then he tells me that, now that Cheeseburger has the taste of Peggie blood, he'll be a good asset to the Whitetails, if we ever need him. I don't know how much help a domesticated bear could lend me, but I could come by a visit Cheeseburger all I wanted, so that was a plus.</em>
</p><p>Next page is a bear. He looks friendly, with a collar with cheeseburgers on it. On another page, there's Hurk, hugged up on Cheeseburger with a big smile on his face.</p><p>
  <em>Me, Hurk, and Jess are helping out the center, cleaning the cages and the like, and on cue, Jacob Seed is ringing in my ear again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The human brain is a fascinating thing. Once you start poking around in there, it's surprising what you can get it to do under the right circumstances....You're familiar with the term classical conditioning, right, Deputy? It's when a conditioned stimulus, say, a song, leads to a reflexive response....in this case, to train...to kill....to sacrifice...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hands up, and I hear this buzz in my ear. Sometimes they ring, since bullets are as basic as breakfast for me, so I ignore it. Then it gets louder, and it subsides, and morphs into music, a song. Jacob's song. I look around, looking for speakers, but don't find any. We destroyed all of the cult's equipment. Where the fuck was it coming from? I start freaking out, because I certainly didn't want to get fucking taken again. I run out of the cage, and my vision starts going pink. I look around the treeline, and I can hear Hurk and Jess calling for me, but it's so fucking grating on my ears. I cover them, trying to block the music out, but it's coming from inside my head. I run.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I black out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up, seven days later. Seven. Days. Later. I have no memory of the days I'm there. Maybe I was awake, being conditioned, living in whatever fucked up mind - fantasy Jacob was trying to build it my head, but it doesn't matter, since I couldn't remember anything. I look up at the sky through the wooden slots of my cage, and it's so beautiful, sunny and bright, but all I can think of is the hunger pains in my stomach, the weakness in my limbs. I look over, and Walker's body is there. He's fresh, all of his blood pooled under him, still wet. A wolf in the adjacent cage had him by the shoulder, tearing into him, ripping the fabric of his shirt to get to the flesh underneath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Despite my weakness, I push myself up, and kick at the wolf's muzzle. It yelps, and falls back enough for me to grab Walker's body and drag him further into the cage. He looked so grey, so lifeless. I folded his hands over his chest, staring at him. I did enough crying in John's region, but I shed a tear for Walker. Didn't know him well, but he was a nice guy. Didn't deserve what Jacob did. Nobody deserved what Jacob did to them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear a rattle, and look over. Pratt is there, but so is Jacob. He's sitting in a chair, right in front of my cage. Pratt shoves a bowl into the cage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Seven days," Jacob says, "Aw, you must be hungry."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I am. Hunger, some animalistic and feral part of me, the desire to survive, to live out the day, takes me over. I crawl to the bowl, stuffing myself with the meat that was inside. I had no idea what was in it, if it was animal, or human, but it was rotting all the same. But I had no choice in it. My body wouldn't go on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah," Jacob continues, "Did you know it takes ten days for civilization to collapse," He tilts his head back, and Pratt pulls out a knife. I grip the bars, watching, hoping he'll take the opportunity to stab Jacob right in his throat. Instead, Pratt checks the blade edge, then drags it over Jacob's beard, giving him a shave. His face is covered in blood, and I don't know if it's his or not. I'm starting to think....God, I hate to admit it, but I was starting to think there was no hope for Pratt. He was brainwashed so bad, that even with a knife to the guy's throat, he couldn't take the plunge and jam it in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yup, you take away a man's basic needs, and he will revert to his primordial instincts in just ten days," He chuckles, "It's a difficult thing to understand unless you've lived it. I was in Iraq during the first Gulf War. Eighty - Second airborne, all - American, hoo - rah," He chuckles again, "One night, there was an ambush," Pratt takes out a canteen, and pours some onto Jacob's hands, cleaning them, "Me and this guy named Miller got separated from the unit. No food. No radio. Nearest base, two hundred clicks South, so we just started walking."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt hands him the canteen. He drinks, swishes, and spits it out in the dirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, by the third day, I knew we were lost. Day six, ran out of water. You know what it's like, dont'cha? Difficult to swallow."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at Pratt. I'm too weak to talk, but I look at him, fucking pleading with him with my eyes, Fucking help me!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"On the seventh day, Miller's legs started going all wonky. Did you know your brain starts to eat your muscles in order to survive? That's why you're so Goddamn skinny. And by the eight day, the wolves were closing in," And on fucking cue, that fucking wolf in the next cage starts growling, "And I looked at Miller, and I could tell we were as good as dead. And I accepted that. And in that acceptance, came clarity."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You see, I wasn't just looking at Miller," He grabs my shirt, hauls me to my feet, "I was looking at an opportunity. It wasn't something I wanted...It was something that I had to do. It was....It was my test."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cannibalism. The last line drawn in the sand before you leave behind all of your humanity. Jacob Seed wasn't human anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He motions to Pratt, and Pratt takes out the music box, "Now you see, Miller's sacrifice wasn't about me walking out of that desert. It was about bringing me here," He takes it, winds it up, "The weak have their purpose. You'll understand that soon enough."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before he can open it, I kick it out of his hand. It goes flying, flying, flying, and Jacob follows it with his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it lands right back in Pratt's hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I yell at Pratt, to smash it, destroy it. But he doesn't. He just stands there, still as a statue.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Jacob knows he's get him under his thumb. Ever the dutiful assistant, I watch as Pratt hands him the music box back. Pink assaults my vision, and I black out with a yell on my lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm in that red room again, with the projector and the gun, and I feel like I have no choice. I grab the gun, start shooting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I don't get to finish this dream. I'm stopped before I've even started it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wake up! Wake up!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm pulled out of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Open your eyes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By Pratt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Rook, wake up!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I open my eyes, and roll over, standing. He's outside my cage. I hold my arms open. Come to laugh at me? To tease me a little more? I'm so fucking mad at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He pulls a key out of his back pocket, "I'm gonna get you outta here, OK?" He's whispering, "And we're gonna get out of here, OK? Only you. Only you..." He's nervous, jumpy, like he's tweaked out on something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someone in the cage opposite asks to be freed, too, but Pratt whips around, pointing, "You're not strong enough!" He looks back at the cage, unlocking it, "You have to get out of here....before it starts again," He pops the door open, "Follow me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Immediately, I feel like a right bastard. Wasn't his fault. None of it was his fault. In the same way Jacob cannibalized his fellow squadmate, Pratt was following him around like a whipped dog. It was what he needed to do to stay alive. I couldn't hold that over his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt was a nice guy. That normal coworker you never had a bad shift with. A little on the shy side, a little paranoid, but did his job well. One of the other deputies at the station told me he had some psychosis diagnosis. Kinda fucked up to share a guy's mental health history, but I knew it, whether I liked it or not. Psychosis or not, he was a good guy. He always invited me out to drinks with the rest of the squad, always made me feel like one of the team. Fucking sucked to see him so broken.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Staci Pratt. It must've been a portrait of him before they crashed in the valley. He's leaning against a doorway, hands in his pockets. He has short, black hair that was pushed back out of his face, with scruff, on the lean side. He stares out with half a grin, as if awkwardly posing for a picture.</p><p>
  <em>We stay low, until we get to what I think was Jacob's office. His holding cells were up in this veteran care center, where they stuck all the old folks from past wars. It's a sad building, but it's packed to the brim with depravity. He motions me inside, and closes the door behind us. He grabs my shoulders, and there's this long scar on his face, cut deep down his cheek until it reached his chin. It was a purposeful scar. Jacob made sure he'll always know who his superior is every time he looked in a mirror. I also noticed the sickly bruise over his nose. It was broken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He knows you're ready to do it. Look," He grabs by wrist, drags me to the desk. There's a blueprint with Eli's photo on it. He taps it, looking at me, "Trials," He says, "See?" He drags me to this board on the wall. It's a map of the Whitetail mountains, with sticky notes and strings plotted, pictures of the militia around, "He's got it all planned out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He crouches, and mocks having a rifle in his hand, "One. Two. Three. One. Two. Three. One two three," He repeats in, then slide up into my space, an inch away, snapping, "Then he's gotcha. It becomes second nature. Routine. He gets in your head," He takes a deep breath, "And you don't even realize it," Pratt grabs my shoulders, shaking his head, "You can't ever go back. You understand?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He lets go of me, turning around and walking forward. I follow, only for Pratt to jerk to a stop, and twist around and point a finger at me, his voice raising, almost to a panic, "You can't ever go back," He splays his fingers, as if trying to calm himself down, and motions me forward, "Come on."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn't understand what he was saying. I wish I wasn't a fucking idiot, starved and dehydrated, because if I listened better, I would've made sure the Whitetails never saw hide nor hair of me ever again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt starts muttering to himself, "Truck...that truck's gotta be there....Gotta get on that truck," He picks up a duffle bag, handing it to me, "It's almost time," He grips my arm, pulling me outside, onto a balcony, "I studied the route for weeks. It's the only way out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We both look out. There's a big white Reaping truck near the front gates, being loaded up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'll be safe if you don't - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hear a commotion, someone yelling about missing prisoners. Pratt's whole body language drops. He looks off, and his head swivels, stepping back from me, starting to freak out, "No no no, not yet, not yet," Alarms start blaring, And the truck starts to take off. Then that song plays on the PA, my vision going pink. He grabs his head, yelling. He looks at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And he tells me he's sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He pushes me over the balcony. I hit something hard, and then I black out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up that same night, maybe twenty, thirty minutes later. The Reaping truck had been parked, the Peggies who had driven it nowhere to be seen. I have the duffle in my hand, and open it. Inside is a cache of weapons and body armor. I strap up, and move out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at a few markers around, with a map that was in the duffle. I'm across miles away from the Wolf's Den, and down the road from Fort Drubman.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I needed to see someone who doesn't take everything so fucking seriously. I needed to see someone who looked at me, and didn't make me feel like I had the world on my shoulders. I head over there, and Hurk has the biggest smile in the world on his face when he sees me. He goes to give me a big bear hug, and he was prone to do, but he stops as he gets closer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Woo - eee, Dep! You look like a zombie!" He sniffs the air, "And, uh.....smell like one, too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I probably did. I ask if I could use his shower, and maybe borrow some pants. He says sure, that his daddy was letting him sleep in the house again, so it was all good. I ask him to show me the way. He does, and the inside of Fort Drubman makes me want to throw up. It's wall to wall in crosses, mounted heads of hunted animals, guns, and American flags. Then Hurk tells me that after I'm done my shower, we can hang out in his room and smoke some 'Special Green' he's been raising. But we can't listen to music, because it gives his daddy a headache.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I go into the shower, and sit under the stream until the water turns cold. I couldn't stop seeing Pratt in my head. I left him behind, same as when I left Hudson behind. But this time, I was sure he wasn't going to be alive when I took Jacob out this time. There's a knock on the door, and when I open it, Hurk is standing there with some clean clothes and a towel for me. I almost fucking cried, really. Hurk Drubman Jr. Big, doofy idiot, but the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Except when he says some real stupid shit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First, he points out the scar on my chest. Not my top surgery scars, but the WRATH. He says it sucks John did that, but now I've got a totally dope - ass scar that will get me so many women. Then he shows me this huge scar on his back, saying that it kinda looked like Georgia if I squinted. I did squint, and it did look like Georgia.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He invites me back outside, where he's grilling some deer meat and slamming back a few brews. I'm fucking starving, and he feeds me just so. We shotgun a few beers, shit I haven't done since high school. It was nice. It was normal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After I help him clean up, he tells me that the 'Special Green' will have to wait, because his daddy has a job for us. I needed something to get everything off my mind, so I said, shoot, tell me. Blah blah, campaign, blah blah, politics, the short of it is Hurk Sr. needs me to get to this burnt - out diner down the road and kill Peggies. Sure, yeah, I can do that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get there, and we just start blowing shit up. I'm killing Peggies, he's killing Peggies, I'm blowing up trucks, he's locking onto helicopters and blowing them to Hell and back. It's fucked up to think of it, of killing, as some pastime, but given everything that's happened to me so far, this was as close to relaxation as I could get.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We keep at it until they stop coming, and Daddy Drubman calls to congratulate us. We fistbump, and start to go, but in front of the burnt - out diner, the sign was untouched. It had this huge TV screen, and on it, was Staci Pratt. I skid to a halt. He's fucking alive! Too early to celebrate, as my mistake was. Pratt's tied to a chair, in some room with a bunch of control panels. Jacob paces around him, calling him weak and a traitor. Pratt is begging him not to kill him. And Jacob says he isn't. He will, instead, leave Pratt tied to that chair, until he becomes so weak his body shuts down and he dies. Jacob tilts the camera down to Pratt's feet, as Pratt is screaming for him not to leave him in there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then the camera cuts, and starts the footage all over again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pick up a stray LMG a cultist dropped, and just start shooting. I punch as many holes into that fucking screen as I can. I start screaming. I'm not even saying anything, I just scream, and scream, and scream. When the LMG is out of bullets, I throw it at the sign. It hits the base of it, the screen smoking and sparking. I look behind, and Hurk is kicking at rocks, trying to act like everything was cool.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm gonna fucking get Pratt back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And there's one way to fucking do it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I call up Jess, and Grace, and Nick Rye. They're all asking me where I've been, but I don't have the fucking time to answer any of their questions. I tell them to round up a few brave volunteers, and start making trouble in the mountains. I need them to make as much noise as they can, and to say Junior Deputy Aiden says hello. They ask me why.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell them I need to get kidnapped by Jacob again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was one last cult stronghold that I hadn't liberated yet. The Whitetail Ranger Station. So, while all my companions are tearing shit up in the mountains, I beeline straight for the place, with a rocket launcher in my arsenal, and a pocket full of grenades and dynamite. I start chucking them everywhere, blowing Peggies sky high, until there's none left. I free the people there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And right on cue, here comes Jacob Seed in my radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You managed to escape for a little bit...." He says, "But whenever I want, I can have you back here with me. But you've got time to play your little games. I'll let you know when it's time to come home," He chuckles, and starts to sing, "Only you...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm ready for it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Over my radio, I hear it, playing through the speakers. I don't fight it, this time, I just accept it, let it lull me into the pink vision and that red room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unsurprisingly, I wake up in my cage back at the veteran's lodge. I look around. Where could Pratt fucking possibly be? I look over, and sitting there, neatly in the dirt, I see Jacob's music box. I reach out, try to grab it. A boot stomps down on my hand, and sure enough, Jacob Seed is over me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry. You'll be out of here soon enough. Did you think you were free?" He bends down, grabs his box, "Your little buddy....went through a whole lotta trouble for nothing. That's OK. He knows better now," He winds it up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I demand he tell me where Pratt is. I yell so loud, I feel it in my molars. Jacob ignores me, keeps going.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I told you, you're not a hero. You are a tool. Now you know your purpose. You've known it from the beginning."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before he opens the box, I let a loogie fly and hit him in the hand. Then the song plays, and I collapse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm back in that red room, and I let paint Hell red. I rip, and tear, and shoot, and kill my way through, I scan each face, looking for Pratt, but don't find him. I get to that last stage, the one that almost looks like a bunker, but the people? They don't explode into dust. They simply fall over, like ragdolls. I can feel the bullets hit them as I pull the trigger, the deep thump of a round in flesh. I turn the corner, make it to the last dummy.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>A touch to Cap's shoulder makes her jump. She twists around, seeing Mickey, who's frowning.</p><p>"Cap, you went through two shifts," She says.</p><p>She looks at the sky, seeing the rich blue greet an later afternoon sun. Her Eden's Gift had worn off by now, and she was simply relaxed, sitting under the decrepit gazebo. She shrugs, "Sorry. I just got....really wrapped up in my journal," She closes it calmly, grinning tightly.</p><p>Mickey raises an eyebrow, "You don't look like you're doing a lot of journaling to me," She over looks her, "I haven't seen you with a pen at all this whole time."</p><p>Cheeks burning, Cap shakes her head, "I reread my entries when I don't have anything to really write down," She lies.</p><p>Whether Mickey took the bait or not, it doesn't matter. She jerks a thumb back to the garage, "Go get some sleep, Cap."</p><p>Tucking away her journal, Cap slinks away back to the main building. She takes her bedroll, moving it into the garage. Ethan was still snoring softly, back pressed against the garage door, Timber cuddled into his arms. He looked so peaceful. A sudden wash of sleepiness came over her, and as much as she wanted to finish Judge's book, she couldn't be dragging her feet on the road tomorrow. She sets her bedroll up not far from Ethan. Timber was roused awake at some point, and he scuttles out of Ethan's arms, causing him to stir.</p><p>Cap tuts Timber, "Bad dog," She whispers.</p><p>But it's too late, unfortunately, Ethan's eyes have fluttered open, and he drags his gaze to Cap. He sits up, stretches, and she motions to him.</p><p>"Keep sleeping," Cap says, "I fucked up and ended up watching two shifts. Mickey's taking the last."</p><p>"Why did you do that?" He asks.</p><p>"I think it was on account of the," She holds up her palm, though her glove covered the mark now, "The Gift."</p><p>Ethan nods, in understanding, but she can see that burn of curiosity in him. She'd never used it in front of him before, besides his bad reaction to the Gift, but he could basically be considered unconscious by then. They talked about it afterward, a little. He had no memories of what happened after he ate that apple. He rubs his eyes, then motions her over. She pulls her bedroll closer, settling in.</p><p>"What's up?"</p><p>He waves her closer, "I'm tired, and I need a body that isn't a dog."</p><p>Cap huffs, but grins. She moves her bedroll parallel to his, and lays down. He immediately curls his arms around her waist, hugging her close and pulling up his too - big raincoat over them. He buries his nose in her hair, smelling. She snorts, and settles in. Ethan's steady breathing against her back lulls her to sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>A loud clang jolts Cap awake, making her throw the raincoat off of her. Her eyes dart around, catching Mickey standing in the doorway. She has an old wrench in one hand, Cap's lantern in her other, and a big smirk on her face.</p><p>"Wakey wakey," She sings with a laugh, "You two cuddlebugs sleep well?"</p><p>Cap sneers, "Oh, cut it out."</p><p>She steps into the garage, "Why, you need some time alone?"</p><p>"Stop," Cap could take the teasing, but Ethan's ego was a little more sensitive. He stirred next to her, blearily waking and rubbing his eyes.</p><p>"There's other ways to wake us," He grumbles.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, get over it," She throws the wrench away, "And get ready, it's night and we've got this night and another before we reach Bucket Valley."</p><p>Ethan helps pack up while Cap and Mickey rip the hood off of the rusted car. It fits four large boxes, and they cover it with a tarp, then tie it down with bungee cord. Cap hoists the cords over her shoulders.</p><p>"You need help?" Mickey asks her.</p><p>"Nah," Cap says with a wave, "I've got it," She pulls the makeshift sled a bit. It wasn't heavy, and even if it was, Cap was very strong, "Lookit me. I'm a packmule!"</p><p>Mickey snorts, then picks up her pack, shouldering it, "Don't ask me to help you then, mule."</p><p>She smiles, then taps her lips, "Can this mule get a kiss at least?"</p><p>With a shake of her head, Mickey plants a quick kiss to Cap's lips. Cap hums her thanks. Ethan, who is standing a few feet away, rolls his eyes. He hated PDA.</p><p>Cap's agreements with Ethan and Mickey were simple. They both got what they wanted physically, no strings attached, and were free to see other people. No stipulations, just contact. Of course, nobody else knew she was sleeping with the two people she really shouldn't be involved with, but you can't fight attraction, or feelings, and Cap had strong ones for the both of them.</p><p>"Hey," Cap says suddenly, looking at the building, "We should board this place back up."</p><p>"Why?" Mickey asks with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"There's all that stuff we left behind. We could mark it on our map, and trade the location off."</p><p>"Or come back to it when we return to the valley," Ethan offers, "Since we have a surplus of spare parts. Wouldn't be smart to trade everything all at once in Bucket Valley."</p><p>"Good idea, Eden," Mickey looks down at the map, "What's the name of this place? Anybody know?"</p><p>"Circling Hawk County," Cap says. She takes a marker from Mickey, marking it down. She drops everything, and grabs a hammer, nailing the boards back in place. When it's done, she picks everything back up, "Wish we could scavenge more. I mean, look at the houses," She motions to them, "Decrepit, but if we can get some carpenters and a demo team here, we could clear some space and build shelters."</p><p>"The area seems fertile, too," Ethan points out, "Could be ample farmland, with the right hands on it. I wonder how the hunting is near here."</p><p>"Like, look at the garage here," She waves to it, "A little work on the roof, it could be a good general store, or another place to rest - "</p><p>Mickey groans, "OK OK OK, are you two done with your hypotheticals? Can we leave now? We've got a lot of ground to cover."</p><p>"Yeah yeah yeah," Cap says with a wave, "Keep your pants on."</p><p>They get going. Mickey takes point, of course, eyes on the map. The sunny skies, eventually, are consumed by dark clouds, and drops of rain start pattering over their clothes and equipment. They all shrug on their raincoats and cover their equipment, following the broken road East.</p><p>Cap expected a light rain, but it comes down in sheets. Bean, thankfully, had passed along laminated maps to Mickey, so there was no fear of ruining them.</p><p>Cold rain continues the whole night. After some hours of walker, dark clouds turn light, signalling day had arrived, but the rain doesn't relent. </p><p>"Fuck, we following this storm?" Mickey says with a sigh.</p><p>"Feels like it," Ethan responds, stepping in a puddle, and sighing loud and unhappily. Cap looks down at Timber, who's soaked to the bones, fur wet. She pats his head, and he lolls his tongue.</p><p>They find an abandoned shack along the way. Deciding this was a better place to stop for the day than sleeping outside, they take shelter inside. Well, it's not any better inside than out. The shack is cold, and decrepit, with holes in the roof. There's old, rotting furniture, some caught under the wholes in the roof, and becoming waterlogged. The three take up one of the two dry corners. They take off their equipment, and leave it to dry in one, while they set their bedrolls in another. They shed their wet clothes and their waterlogged boots, changing into a new set. Ethan has to change his wraps, since they were wet, and the two women face the wall while he does.</p><p>Cap breaks out a pack of jerky, and passes it around. She's settled her bedroll between Mickey and Ethan's, the three of them, plus Timber, huddled together to stave off the chill of the rain. She has a towel in her pack, and uses it to dry off Timber.</p><p>"Ugh, your mutt smells," Mickey says.</p><p>Cap pouts, and hugs him, scratching under his chin, "Don't be mean."</p><p>"At least he's dry," Ethan says. He pats his knee, and Timber trots right up to him, curling up in his lap.</p><p>"Be prepared," Mickey says, "It'll be just like this every day in Michigan."</p><p>"Should've packed more raincoats," Ethan comments bitterly.</p><p>"At least we have tarps."</p><p>"Yeah," Cap agrees, "Could be worse."</p><p>They start to settle in for the night. Cap decides to take first watch, but she resents the place they're in, and the rain. She wants to finish Judge's book, but with Mickey and Ethan so close, there's no chance of her being able to read it in peace. She props her back up against the wall of the cabin, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as the two on her sides curl up and absorb the heat her body outputs. As the two rest, Mickey had shuffled closer in her sleep, resting her head against Cap's thigh. Cap pulls her blanket over her, covering her a little more.</p><p>Her shift passes with nothing interesting, bored out of her mind. She didn't think of packing any other books or magazines besides Judge's book. She pokes Ethan awake, and he stirs. He turns over, Timber curled by his head. He blinks.</p><p>"Your shift," She says.</p><p>He doesn't speak, just nods, and sits up. She shuffles low, laying down. She turns on her side, facing Mickey, her back pressed to his thigh. As she does, she feels a hand run through her hair, and gets pulled into her dreams.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The next night is clear, if a little muggy. She wakes up to Mickey's fingers threading through her hair, and Timber wedged against her back, between her and Ethan. Mickey notices she's awake, and pulls her hand away, flicking her lightly between her eyes.</p><p>"Mornin'," She says. Cap sticks her tongue out, making Mickey grin.</p><p>She gently wakes Ethan, and they all start to pack up their things.</p><p>"We should be in Bucket Valley by sundown," He says as they make it outside, and start walking.</p><p>"How long are we staying?" Cap asks.</p><p>"A few days," He says.</p><p>"A day," Mickey corrects.</p><p>"I don't think that's enough time - "</p><p>"You're forgetting what we're on the trip in the first place for," She says, "We've still got a twelve - day walk ahead of us to Michigan. We can't get comfortable there."</p><p>He runs a tongue over his teeth, "That is not - "</p><p>"I'm not arguing with you, Eden. I brought you along because we might've needed the help, not because we're doing you any favors."</p><p>He falls silent, and falls back, Timber trotting with him. Cap walks up, next to Mickey.</p><p>"That's a little harsh, Mickey," She says, low.</p><p>"We aren't here for him."</p><p>She sighs, "C'mon. A few days aren't gonna hurt," She waits for Mickey to answer, and sighs when she receives none, "OK. I need a favor."</p><p>She side - eyes her, "Are you serious?"</p><p>"I am. Give Ethan a few days there, two or three, and let him find some answers to the questions he has."</p><p>She ponders it, for a moment, "Let's say I say yes. What would you give me for it?"</p><p>"Whatever you want. Whatever the price, I'll pay it."</p><p>"You're insane."</p><p>"Yeah, but...but he just wants to find out what happened to his mom. As soon as he gets his answer, we'll give him some time, and then we'll leave."</p><p>Mickey sighs through her nose, staring at the compass in her hand. She clicks her tongue, and picks her head up, "Three days is the max. If he can't find the answers then, he'll have to find them when we go back to Montana."</p><p>Cap looks back. Ethan's head is low, but his eyes are up, staring at the two. He looks less angry, more hurt. Their eyes meet, and he looks down at the ground, walking stick thumping loudly against the still - soft and muddy ground.</p><p>It's sunrise by the time they get to the city limits of Bucket Valley. There's barbed wire fences that line the place, large, buildings and apartments packed together tight. Before they get into the line of sight of any guards, Cap pulls out a knitted wool hat she had, in Mickey's signature faded blue color, and hands it to her. She pulls it over her eyebrows, hiding her tattoos and hiding her eyes in shadow. Cap looks up, and Ethan's eyes are fixed on the town.</p><p>"How different does it look?" She asks.</p><p>"Very different," He says, bewildered, "There's so many more buildings...." His grip tightens on his staff, "I don't even recognize it."</p><p>Mickey fixes herself, jerking her head towards the front gates, "C'mon. You want your answers, let's get to it."</p><p>"Let me do the talking," Cap says.</p><p>"You do it anyway," She responds, making Cap huff.</p><p>The front gate has two guards stationed on each side. They get flagged down. One was burly and bearded man in his fifties, and the other was a slim woman with a shaved head, the same age.</p><p>"Your business?" The woman asks.</p><p>"We're on our way to Michigan, and we're looking for trade and a place to stay on the way."</p><p>"Hm. What's the goods?"</p><p>"Car parts."</p><p>"Mind if we see?"</p><p>"Sure, yeah, go ahead," She drops the cords of the sled, undoing it and peeling the tarp off.</p><p>The guards go through the boxes, and they seemed like right individuals, as they don't take anything.</p><p>"Everything looks fine," The woman says to her partner, who grunts in agreement. She looks at Timber, "What's the dog for?"</p><p>"He's our spotter. His name is Timber," Cap answers, "He's real sweet, won't cause any trouble. Look," She looks at Timber, holding up a palm, "Sit," He sits. She lowers her palm, "Shake," He places her paw in her hand. She looks back at the guards, "He's not a barker, neither. Won't be trouble."</p><p>The woman and the man meet eyes, then nod. She takes out a clipboard, and a pen, "Names?"</p><p>"I'm Cap."</p><p>"That a nickname?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"What's your real name?"</p><p>"Valerie Downs."</p><p>"What about your friends here?"</p><p>She motions to Mickey, "Molly Peck," She says, then turns to Ethan, "Ethan Seed."</p><p>The woman picks her head up after she jots down their names. She stares at Ethan, and squints, "You look familiar."</p><p>He shifts, "I used to live here. I left when I was six, with my mother."</p><p>She stares harder, then her eyebrows pick up, "Oh shit, you're Megan Barker's kid, aren't you?"</p><p>His eyebrows raise. His mouth forms into a tight line, and he nods, "Yes."</p><p>"Yeah, I thought your first name sounded familiar. Christ, you look just like her, y'know that?"</p><p>He nods, again, "I remember people telling me that when I was younger, yes."</p><p>"You remember me and my brother here?"</p><p>He shakes his head, "Sorry, no."</p><p>"That's OK, you were just a boy. And I had long hair, and my brother here didn't have the beard. I'm Maryann, this is Marvin."</p><p>"Well, uh..." He shrugs, "Nice to meet you. Again."</p><p>"God, am I glad you're still alive. She didn't tell us where she took you. We always thought she dropped you off in the woods somewhere and left you there. Where've you been all this time?"</p><p>"With my father. In Montana."</p><p>"Whoa, all the way out there? Hah, guess Meg finally found her baby daddy. So you're all headed to Michigan?"</p><p>Cap speaks up, "Yeah. We've got people to see out there, but we were passing through your way, so we thought we'd stop by."</p><p>"About my mother," Ethan cuts in, "Is....Is she still here?" He says it quietly.</p><p>She sighs through her nose, shakes her head, "Sorry, kiddo. She died years ago, couple weeks after she came back from wherever she dropped you off."</p><p>His hand tightens on his staff, blinking his eyes a few times. He takes a deep breath, "How?"</p><p>"Radiation poisoning."</p><p>Mickey exhales, "Tough way to go."</p><p>"Yeah," Maryann agrees, "She didn't suffer, though. We took good care of her before she passed," Her grin falls slightly, "Sorry, kid."</p><p>He swallows, and clicks his tongue, "Thank you."</p><p>"So, how's the town look to you?"</p><p>"Different."</p><p>"Heh, that good or bad?"</p><p>"I haven't decided yet."</p><p>She shrugs, "Guess that's fair. Hey, we left Megan's bunker alone and blocked it off, if you wanna take a look. Here," She reaches into her pocket, and brings out a key, "If you want some of her things in there. We buried her right in front of it. Probably wanna pay your respects, dontcha?"</p><p>"I...I would," Cap sees a slight tremble in his hand as he reaches for it, and takes it, grips it tight, "Thank you," He says.</p><p>"Don't mention it. She's East, couple yards away from the town. You want some pointers around?"</p><p>Cap nods, "Yes please."</p><p>"Well, if you need a place to say, there's Earl's Bar. Combo bar and motel. The best one around, but if it's packed, there's other places, too, just look or a motel sign. Couple other bars, too. Then, out Eastward, there's Big Barbie's Armory, if you need to stock up on weapons. There's other little shops and shit, too, but hers is the best."</p><p>"Do all places trade goods?"</p><p>"Yeah. Lots of folks like scraps here, sell 'em off to the Highwaymen here. You've got quite a load, so watch it close, and don't show it off too much. But since you've got so many parts, check with Stevie on the Westside, since she deals with the vehicles around here. She'll tell you what's good and what isn't."</p><p>"OK, cool, sounds great so far. Anything else to note here?"</p><p>Maryann thinks for a moment, "Well, if you're lookin' for a little company, in the center of town there's the House of Wolves."</p><p>"Company meaning.....?" Ethan trails off.</p><p>"Brothel. The best one around," She leans in, showing off crooked teeth in her grin, "You want a good time, ask for Jennifer. She's the best of 'em," She winks.</p><p>His face turns bright red, "Noted," He says tightly.</p><p>Maryann laughs, "Yeah, you're Megan's boy, alright. Always sheltering you and shit," She looks over them, and Cap turns to see a caravan pulling up, "But, ah, we've got other business. Why not catch up later? I'm sure you'll have questions about her."</p><p>He pauses, but he nods.</p><p>"Me and Marv here take the morning shift, but if you ever want to stop by and talk, we stay in a house up near the North side. Anytime today, so long as it's before ten," She nudges Marvin in the side with her elbow, "My twin here has an early bedtime."</p><p>Marvin grunts, and nods in agreement.</p><p>"And uh, we're independent from the Highwaymen here, but try not to make any trouble. They're brutal when it comes to incoming travellers. You can keep your weapons, just keep them in their holsters, and don't go waving them around."</p><p>Cap shakes their hands, recovering their salvage, "Thanks for all the help."</p><p>"No problem," She looks at Ethan, "Welcome home, kiddo."</p><p>The twins part to let the group pass. Immediately, Mickey slides up to her side, "Your name is Valerie?"</p><p>"Yeah. Why? What's wrong with Valerie?" She pauses, "Wait, did I never tell you my name?"</p><p>"No, you haven't. God, people call you Cap and Captain all the time, I thought that was your real name!"</p><p>Cap laughs, "No way."</p><p>"I'm serious."</p><p>She laughs again, "Well....now you know!"</p><p>"Nice choice on my name, by the way."</p><p>"No problem," She turns to look at Ethan, "Hey, why don't we stop by that garage to see what Stevie thinks of our score? Then after, we'll get to that motel. We've got the whole day before we can speak to those twins again.</p><p>With an almost spacey look, he nods, "Whatever you think is best," He says. Timber brushes against his legs, whining low.</p><p>The inside gates of Bucket Valley are busy. People criss and cross, with venders between shops and outside homes. They wave out to the group, calling them to visit their wares. The team decides later, after they count their salvage, they'll check out some of the shops.</p><p>"What about the House of Wolves?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Absolutely not," Ethan snaps.</p><p>She laughs loud, but Cap elbows her lightly, giving her a look. She huffs, and shrugs, and they're on their way.</p><p>The garage is large, mostly with Highwaymen swarming around. Mickey ducks her head, keeping close. Cap keeps her eyes straight, looking forward, and making sure she leads while Mickey lingers behind. There's a man studying the guts of a car, and she approaches, asking if he knows where they can find Stevie. He points them to a backroom, and they go, lugging around their sled of salvage.</p><p>Stevie is towering over her desk, studying some papers, with her back turned. Cap knocks on the doorway. She hears Stevie sigh loud.</p><p>"I told you, there's no Highwaymen - " She turns, her face twisted into an irritated expression. But, upon seeing the group, it falls, "Hey. Y'all ain't Highwaymen."</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "No, sorry. Are you Stevie?"</p><p>"Yes miss, I am."</p><p>"Oh, cool. Well, we're here to ask if you'd look at some car parts we found, to see what's usable or not."</p><p>Stevie is a tall, tall woman, teetering on 6'4", broad with thick limbs and short, dirty - blonde hair and dark eyes. The wrinkles in her face place her to be around forty. She overlooks the group, and leans down slightly, "How many parts?"</p><p>"Four boxes full. Big boxes, too. We found an abandoned garage two days ago, on our way here," She reaches into Mickey's pocket, grabbing the map, "Nobody has been in there for years, it was still boarded up when we found it. There's way more still in there, this is all we could carry. If you could take a look at what we have, we'd be happy to give you the location of the place, plus some of what we have," She ignores the looks Ethan and Mickey throw her.</p><p>Stevie considers it, then nods, and puts on her best grin, "Well, you all seem like fine kids. Sure, I'll take a look."</p><p>They undo the tarp and the bungee cords, and let Stevie dig through. Her approach is very organized, separating the four boxes, and then separating the equipment inside by 'junk', 'used', and 'like new'. There were plenty of parts in the 'used' spaces, only a few in 'junk,' and a healthy amount in 'like new.' When Stevie is done, she stands back.</p><p>"Quite a bounty you've got. I'm in a bit of a bind right now, so for my services, you mind if I take some of the brakes? Plus, I think I'd like that garage location you've talked about.</p><p>"Done."</p><p>She lets Stevie pick out an armful of brakes, and Cap circles the location of Circling Hawk County on a map she brings out.</p><p>"What brings you nice young folks out here? I ain't never seen you before." She asks.</p><p>"We're from the West, and going to Michigan, to visit a friend."</p><p>"Well, good luck. That's a month away, almost, and Highwaymen swarm that fuckin' place. Can't get anywhere on the major roads without being stopped."</p><p>She quickly glances at Ethan, "Thanks for the heads up. So, you live here for a long time?"</p><p>"Only the past ten years. I come from a couple miles away."</p><p>"You seem to have a nice place set up here."</p><p>"Yeah. Things have actually been improving in the past year, ever since the Twins disappeared."</p><p>Cap's head tilts, playing with the lie, "Oh, Mickey and Lou? Didn't know they disappeared."</p><p>"Yeah. Something went on out West. Don't know what, but a lot of the heads got assassinated out there in an ambush. Now a lot of Highwaymen are scrambling for power, while we're raking in on all the goods that fly our way."</p><p>"Huh. Good for you," She takes a few pistons from the 'like new' pile, "You can have some of these, too. And, where we're from, Montana, we've been helping out a couple places there, and along the way. If you need some help, let us know. We're gonna try and get a room in Earl's Bar."</p><p>Stevie looks surprised, "Well, ain't you sweet."</p><p>"I try to be."</p><p>She laughs, "Humble, too. Well, if you need a set of wheels, let me know. I could set you up with a spare."</p><p>"Thanks so much."</p><p>They pack up the salvage they're keeping, and leave to head to Earl's Bar.</p><p>"You just handed over the map, just like that?" Mickey sounds almost disgusted, "Why?"</p><p>"Stevie's a head around here," Cap says, "We stay on her good side, people will know about it, and she'll be more inclined to help us out with anything we need."</p><p>"Just hope her 'good side,' " Mickey holds up air quotes, "Doesn't mean we're giving up all of our trading goods."</p><p>"I know what I'm doing, alright? Just trust me."</p><p>"Fine, sure, whatever."</p><p>Cap wants to argue more, but it's not worth it. Plus, she can see where Mickey is coming from, and with such a long detour from Michigan, she's probably not the happiest camper at this point. They make their way back through the town, following signs until they get to Earl's Bar. It's a tall, wooden building with windows that are barred. Cap checks the sky, seeing that the sun low to signal that it's early morning.</p><p>Inside, it's warm and quiet. People are sitting down for breakfast, or a morning drink. Cap looks around, seeing a small desk not far from the bar, with a man looking down at a book. They approach, and she puts on her best grin. The man picks his head up, glasses low over his nose.</p><p>"Hi," She says, "We'd like a room, please."</p><p>"Mhm," He squints, "We've only got doubles."</p><p>"That's fine."</p><p>"Mhm," He pushes his book away, opening another, and grabbing a pen, "How many days?"</p><p>She looks back at her party, "Three."</p><p>"Name?"</p><p>"Cap."</p><p>He raises his eyes, then looks back down, "And your party?"</p><p>"Ethan and Molly."</p><p>He hums again, scratching their names down, "We have a kennel for you to keep your pooch."</p><p>Cap's face falls, and she looks down at Timber, "Aw. Sorry, buddy."</p><p>Timber whines.</p><p>"His name?"</p><p>"Timber."</p><p>"Before you turn him in, please know, we don't let the Highwaymen buy them for meat," He says in a boring drone.</p><p>"Oh. Cool, that's good to know. Thanks."</p><p>"Food is available from four AM to twelve PM. It does not come with your room, you'll have to pay for it. How will you be paying for your room?"</p><p>Cap takes ten axles, and places them down, "Scrap. We just came from Stevie, she helped us separate some of what we had."</p><p>The man takes the items, and studies them, "Worth four days," He says.</p><p>"We aren't staying that long. Consider it a tip, and for keeping my dog in the kennel."</p><p>The man nods slowly, "Mhm," He reaches behind him, grabbing a key, "Room 4, second floor," He slides it across the desk.</p><p>She takes it, "Thank you."</p><p>He looks over them, "Bartrand? One dog, kennel six."</p><p>A young man, lean and thin, puts a lead around Timber's neck. Cap and Ethan give him final pats on the head before he's lead out to the kennels.</p><p>They drag themselves up the stairs, and Cap unlocks the door to their room. The inside is plainly decorated. There's nothing on the walls, just two beds with two nightstands, with two dressers. The beds are made and neat. Cap locks the door behind them.</p><p>"Nice place," Mickey says, immediately dumping her things and laying down on one of the beds, "Oh, it's so soft."</p><p>Cap starts unloading her equipment, "Yeah, seems clean," She goes to the window, looking outside. Their room has a view of the main street, seeing the people and vendors below talk and barter. She looks at Ethan, how takes a seat on the other bed, taking off all of his equipment, "You wanna check out your mom's bunker?"</p><p>He inhales sharply, "Not yet. I'd like to sleep first."</p><p>"Me too," Mickey says.</p><p>"OK. Oh, maybe we could head over to those twin guard's house first? Then visit?"</p><p>"Sure," He answers sharply.</p><p>The three decide Ethan gets his own bed, while Mickey and Cap share. Ethan immediately turns his back to the others, curling up under the blankets without so much as a goodnight. Cap hurts to see him like that. She knows he's hurting, but she hopes this trip will bring him closure.</p><p>Cap and Mickey peel off their equipment, then settle in. Mickey has her arms around Cap, hugging her close and leaning her cheek between her shoulder blades.</p><p>"Night Cap," She mutters.</p><p>"G'night," Cap responds, pulling the covers over them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok so chapter five (next chapter) probably is just going to be cap, mickey, and ethan here in bucket valley. sorry lol......also it's gonna be real dramatic for ethan for a while. HOWEVER, mickey's gonna get all that good shit when they finally reach michigan so *fire emoji* its coming mickey stands its coming</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Cap wakes up in a cage. Her eyes adjust to the bright, red sun that loomed overhead, casting everything in a bloody glow. She stands, and grips the bars, looking outward. She sees bodies, piled high in cages that surround, blood pooled and staining the dirt, flies buzzing as they infest the meat of the bodies. She studies her surroundings, seeing no living thing, except for a shadow that drifts in the corner of her eye. She looks into the cage next to her. Huddled in the corner is a mess of leather clothes, with a quiver and a bow.</strong>
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  <strong>She hurries to the bars that separate their cages, "Judge?" She calls.</strong>
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  <strong>Their head picks up, and snaps to Cap. They rush to the bars in a blur of movement, clutching them tight.</strong>
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  <strong>"Where are we?" She asks.</strong>
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  <strong>They shake their head, reaching through the bars and running their knuckles down her cheek. Cap looks at the bars, and starts shaking them.</strong>
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  <strong>"I'll get you outta here, don't worry."</strong>
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  <strong>There's the sound of a door opening. Both of their heads twist to the side, and in walks in Ethan Seed. But he looks....wrong. He's not the Ethan Cap is familiar with. He's got a bored look on his face, and in his hands, he holds a rifle.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Ethan, what's going on?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He takes a long look at her before he answers, "Sinners must be punished," He answers. His voice is wrong, too. He holds an arm out, motioning to the Judge. His sleeve pulled up, Cap can see the word envy carved into the inside of his arm, "And punishment must be served before one can enter our Eden."</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The Judge throws themself at the bars facing Ethan, reaching out for him. He's too far away for them to grab, clawing at the air. He looks behind him, and in a cloud of sickly - green smoke, white wolves with pink noses and eyes appear. The Judge lets out a growl as four of them pace outside the cage, Ethan behind and watching.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Do you hear that?" Ethan says as the stalking wolves growl, "That is the sound of hunger. For sin," He approaches the cage, and takes out a key from his pocket.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cap bangs on the bars, "Wait wait wait!"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He pauses. He stalks over to Cap's side of the cage. He shoulders her rifle, and leans in close, gripping the bars of the cage.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Oh," He says, "You are desperate for your atonement? For punishment?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She eyes the Judge, then back to Ethan. She nods, "Yes," She stares into his eyes, and he has a glossy, green fog over them.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He nods, slow, and the droopy expression on his face picks up into a grin, "Wonderful."</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He takes the key out again, and unlocks the cage. The Judge in the next cage pulls against the bars, as if they could rip them from their places. Cap retreats further into the cage as the wolves siphon in, blurs of pale smoke and white. One grabs her arm with its teeth, ripping the flesh. Cap screams as the blood sprays, and another wolf grabs her by the meat of her thigh, forcing her to the ground. Another, diving for her throat -</strong>
</p><p>A violent shake pulls her out of her nightmare. Cap kicks out, and ends up falling out of the bed, landing on her shoulder. She yelps, twisting and breathing hard. She pushes herself away, back pressed underneath the window of the room. Her eyes dart around the room. Both Ethan and Mickey are staring at her, eyes wide, mouths tilted into frowns.</p><p>"Jesus Christ, Cap!" Mickeys says, "You and these fuckin' nightmares!"</p><p>Cap exhales, "I'm fine."</p><p>"Screaming bloody murder in your sleep ain't fine!"</p><p>Ethan rounds the bed, well - intentionally coming to help Cap up. But in his face, she can see the Ethan she saw in her dream, and cowers from him. Immediately, he freezes, and immediately, Cap's chest feels like a pit only welled with guilt. He and Mickey make eye contact. She hops over the bed, holding a hand out. Cap takes it. She's shaking, and wipes the sweat from her forehead. Mickey grabs her water jug, and hands it to her. After she takes it, Mickey looks at Ethan.</p><p>"Why don't you head downstairs and get some breakfast, huh?"</p><p>He looks about ready to argue, but decides to bite his tongue. He nods, and mutters to himself, grabbing some pieces of scrap and carrying them out with him. As soon as that door closes, Mickey looks back to her.</p><p>"I'm calling in that favor, Cap."</p><p>Cap takes a long sip of her water, and creases her brows, "What?"</p><p>"I know that's not a journal you're carrying," She says, "It's a book. Who's is it?"</p><p>Her heart suddenly thundering louder, she shakes her head, "I don't know what you're talking about."</p><p>"I've never seen that book before, and ever since you've had it, you've been acting so fuckin' weird. This is the second nightmare in three days, and I haven't seen you pick up a pen once to write in it. So what is it? Who's book?"</p><p>"It's mine," She says adamantly.</p><p>"Who gave it to you?"</p><p>"I found it."</p><p>"Where?"</p><p>"In the library."</p><p>Mickey shakes her head, "Cap, don't fucking lie to me. I've read every book in Prosperity, and none of them looked like that one. It's either a really fuckin' good horror novel, which I doubt, or it's cursed. So, where'd you get it?"</p><p>Cap's cheeks burn. She's caught, red - handed. There was no way she could lie to Mickey. Not only would is be a real fucking bad lie, it just wouldn't be fair. Now when she was so adamant on getting Mickey to trust her. She stares Mickey, dead in the eye, "You can't tell Ethan what it is."</p><p>She stares back, then nods slow, "OK. I won't tell Ethan."</p><p>"Promise me."</p><p>"You want a fuckin' pinky swear?"</p><p>Cap holds up her hand, pinky extended.</p><p>Mickey groans, but locks pinkies anyway, "I pinky promise I won't tell Ethan."</p><p>Cap pulls her hand away, and stands. She goes to her pack, where she had Judge's book rolled up in a blanket. She takes it out, smoothing over the cover. <em>Sorry, Judge</em>, "How much do you know about New Eden? Before it was New Eden."</p><p>Mickey shrugs, "Fuckin' nothing. They were some stupid cult, in some stupid civil war with the valley folks, then the Collapse happened, and none of it mattered anymore. Now it's a bunch of drugged - up hippies."</p><p>Cap turns, the book in her hand, "The Judge gave me this book. It details all the shit in the valley that happened before the Collapse."</p><p>"So, that's their book?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"And.....Why the secrecy?"</p><p>"Because the Judge gave it to me. They wanted me to read it and then share what I found with the valley."</p><p>"Doesn't explain why it's such a secret."</p><p>"See, Mickey....I would've told you if it was just me 'n you, but....." She shakes her head, "But it's not. This is Ethan's family history. It goes over everything the Seeds ever did before the collapse."</p><p>Mickey's eyes squint, "So....It reveals all the cult's dirty little secrets?"</p><p>She nods, "Right. But it's fucked up, Mickey, real fucked up. There's secrets about the Seeds I <em>know</em> Ethan doesn't know about."</p><p>"So...why not tell him?"</p><p>"You've seen him. He gets so irritated when you talk about his family, and with this place, and his mom...." She shakes her head, "It's not a good idea to fill his head with the fucking nightmare fuel in here."</p><p>Mickey eyes the book, Cap, the book, "So...." She steps closer, "What's in it?"</p><p>"The Judge's personal account of everything that went on in the valley before the Collapse. Torture and senseless violence, people ripping each other apart in the name of God.....I'm halfway through already, but I feel fucking sick just reading it," She could feel the Judge's fear, and rage, within the pages, each rushed sentence detailing emotion so strongly Cap could picture it so clearly in her mind, like someone was playing a movie behind her eyes. She never believed in the power of faith, in spirits leeching into the physical world, but she held that book, and it felt powerful, the same sensation you'd feel when you would hold an unlit explosive. She opened that book up, and the wicks were lit and the pins were pulled, memories and real, tangible pain and anger leaping from the pages.</p><p>"Whoa."</p><p>Cap snaps back into it, "This isn't a game, Mickey, this is serious. This could shake everything Ethan had ever known about the Father, and himself. It's....He's not ready for it yet. Not until I finish it. I promised the Judge I wouldn't share it until I was done."</p><p>"But you're sharing with me."</p><p>"I'm sharing because you'd find out on your own by taking the book while I slept, that's why. I'd rather tell you than have Ethan stumble upon you reading it," She takes a deep breath, "Please don't tell him, Mickey, please, I'm begging you."</p><p>Mickey shakes her head, "I've never seen you so shaken up like this, Cap."</p><p>She grips the book tight, "The Judge is my friend....One of my best friends. All of their pain is in these pages, but no matter how hard it hurts, I've gotta read it. I made a promise to them."</p><p>Mickey is silent for a few moments. She flexes her fingers, then nods, "Alright, alright. I won't tell Ethan. And I won't touch your book, either. Promise."</p><p>Cap exhales, "Fucking thank you, <em>Christ</em>, thank you, Mickey."</p><p>"Just....Maybe slow down a bit with it. I watched you read that thing the other day, and it's like nothing else mattered. Fuck, I watched a hawk snatch a squirrel off the ground a couple feet away from you, and you didn't even pick your head up."</p><p>She taps her fingers to the cover. Maybe she was immersing herself too much into the Judge's words. Even away from the book, they filled her every thought. She can't be blamed totally, though. Judge wrote quite a powerful book, "OK, maybe you're right. How about this; For the rest of our time here, I won't read it. How about that?"</p><p>"Deal."</p><p>Cap places the book back into her pack, "Let's....Let's catch up with Ethan - "</p><p>There's a knock at the door, Ethan's voice coming from the other side, "Hey! Open the door!"</p><p>She fixes herself, then opens the door. Ethan's face softens when he sees her, "Are you alright, Captain?" He asks. He's got a few wrapped packages in his hands.</p><p>She nods, grinning tightly, "I'm fine. I....I just haven't been getting much sleep, s'all."</p><p>He nods, "I think I might have something for that, actually," He hands her the packages, then goes to his pack. He takes out his herbal kit, opening it up and rifling through.</p><p>Cap sighs quietly, looking at Mickey and nodding her head. Mickey throws her a thumbs up.</p><p>"Sorry to be gone so long," He says, absently as he still searches, "I got stopped by Maryann. She said we were free to visit her. I thought it would be an act of good faith to bring food to her and her brother, and have breakfast there."</p><p>"That sure is kind, Ethan."</p><p>"Th - Ah!" He stands, and in his hands, he has a little wrapped bundle. He hands it to Cap, "Here."</p><p>Cap takes it, and it immediately met with the pleasant smell of lavender and some other plants she doesn't recognize, "Oh, it smells real good....What is it?"</p><p>"It's an herbal mix to help you. You'll put it in tea. One part lavender, one part valerian root, and one part hops. Selene told me ginseng works well, too, but I have no idea where I'm supposed to get that."</p><p>She smells it again, "Thanks, Ethan."</p><p>Mickey slides up behind, "Got anything 'herbal' for me, Eden?" She grins, and puts an arm around Cap's shoulders.</p><p>"Oh, yes, I think I do."</p><p>He reaches into his pocket, then takes out his fist, and flips Mickey the bird. Mickey and Cap let out a string of amused laughs. Ethan is mighty proud of that joke, and beams at them.</p><p>They then get dressed to meet Maryann and Marvin. Mickey pulls her hat on low, and they pack away scrap in little rucksacks, as currency. The bar below roars with activity, of common folk and Highwaymen alike, all drinking and mingling. Cap's eyes sparkle at the thought of the two powerhouses - the expertise of the valley folks plus the power of the Highwaymen - working together. Maybe, one day, if the right people were in charge. But for now, those fantasies were simply fantasies.</p><p>The team first stops at the motel kennel, to grab Timber telling the kennel master they'd return in maybe two hours with him. The kennel master shrugs, and lets them go. Cap ruffles the dog's face, and kisses his nose.</p><p>Bucket Valley nights are just as busy as their days. The same booths were up, with different vendors taking the night shift. Cap notices a bookstore on the way to the twins' home, and her eyes light up, as do Mickey's.</p><p>"Don't even say it, I know what you're thinking," Mickey says, "But, uh...." She thumbs at Ethan, "Maybe later."</p><p>They walk further, and come across the twins' home. It's a tall, skinny building with bars over the windows, and a fenced - in yard. A chocolate - colored pitbull is sleeping in a makeshift doghouse close to the front door.</p><p>Cap leans in to Ethan, whispering, "So, like....do we knock, or - "</p><p>Before anyone can do anything, the door swings itself open. Maryann takes up the doorway, "Hey, kids," She greets, "C'mon in. Don't mind ol' Dropkick, he's harmless.</p><p>The three glance at each other, then shrug, and open the front gate. Dropkick stirs, raising his head. He stands, and trots up to meet the group. His nose meets Timber's, and they sniff each other in greetings. Cap pets his head, and secretly takes a bit of jerky from her pocket, feeding him.</p><p>The inside of the home is warm. The wooden furniture is well used. Things cover the walls, mounted heads of hunted animals and old photo frames. Maryann invites them further in, into the kitchen. There's a big, wrought - iron stove that's fire - fed. Marvin kneels in front, placing wood blocks inside.</p><p>"Just in time, we were just about to start making our meal," Maryann says.</p><p>Cap looks at the packages in her arms, "Actually, Ethan went out and bought breakfast....er, dinner."</p><p>"Aw, that's sweet. Nineteen years may have passed, but you're still that sweet boy helping out in the fields, ain'tcha?" She pulls up the chairs there, "Sit, sit. Let's see the bounty."</p><p>Unfolding the packages, the crew is met with a collection of bread, cheeses, and sausages. It makes Cap's mouth water.</p><p>"Fuck, Eth, you really went all out," She says.</p><p>He grins, if tightly. Cap remembers that they aren't there for a meal. He shifts his chair to the twins, "I want to know more about my mother."</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"Let's start with before I was born."</p><p>Maryann chews on a piece of bread, "Well, let's see.....She came here, pregnant with you, actually, some whatever years ago. She worked in the general store as a cashier, paying rent to some old coot with a bunker. Guess he gave up hoping that that nuclear apocalypse would ever show its face," She and her brother share a laugh, while the younger ones awkwardly make eye contact, "Anyway, she kept to herself, never drank, never caused any trouble."</p><p>"What did you two do?" Cap asks. Dropkick puts his head on her thigh, and she scratches behind his clipped ears.</p><p>"We were truck drivers for a little company a few miles away. We were both home, ready to head out when the bombs dropped."</p><p>"Whoah."</p><p>"Mhm, yeah, surprised us, too. Luckily, we had our own bunker. Came with our house, actually."</p><p>Ethan cuts in, "Did my mother have any friends?"</p><p>"Nobody she was close to, but we all liked her. Me 'n Marv here tried our best to get her to open up, but it never happened. I think she was on the run from your father.....Who is he, anyway, if you don't mind me askin'?"</p><p>"Doesn't matter. He's dead now."</p><p>"Oh. Sorry then."</p><p>"Don't be."</p><p>Maryann eyes him, but continues her story, "She didn't have any family, so a couple of us in town threw her a baby shower. She cried a few times, real thankful for it. You were born a bit later. We rushed you and her right out to the hospital, in one of Marv's trucks for work. We were yanking that horn, pushing everybody out of the way. I got a $400 ticket for it, but worth it. Doctors kept her there for a day, then she called up to bring her home. God, I've never seen her smile so wide, lookin' at you. She would," She smiles at the memory fondly, "Call you her little blessing. Her own personal Eden."</p><p>"I don't think I've ever seen that woman any happier than when she had you all bundled up in her arms. We'd see her in church every Sunday, and she'd have you in this carseat, on the kneelers, right next to her. You were always quiet inside, but when church let out, though, you'd wail like the world was ending."</p><p>Cap's eyes dart to Ethan. He's got a slight shake in his shoulders, face tight as he listened.</p><p>"Anyway, you were still young when the bombs were dropped. We all scattered like roaches. God, I don't know if you remember how it was, Ethan, maybe you were too young, but it was like the earth was gonna break apart all around us. Fire was falling from the sky, like holy retribution."</p><p>"And was it?" He asks it quietly.</p><p>"Nah. God may have pushed his hand, but it was people who delivered the killing blow. The good ol' US of A and every other strapped superpower out there had a hissy fit between one another, and they decided the only thing to do was hit the nuke button," Maryann replicates an explosion noise, "Most of the planet, decimated in a matter of minutes. All that waste of life, and for what? Fuckin' nothing."</p><p>Cap remembers the Collapse. She was five when they had to go underground. She can still hear the sirens in her dreams, sometimes, and could see the sky turn red as her mothers huddled together underground. The world around her smelled like ash. They were only down there for close to three years, before it was safe for the radiation that seeped to the West Coast cleared enough to come out.</p><p>"But, it wasn't all bad," Maryann continues, "All us town folk had short wave radios, so when we got lonely, we rang each other. We came out maybe three years later. Place was overgrown, but still stiff in the air with radiation. We fashioned some hazard suits, and started working. Your mother....." She sighs, "God fuckin' bless her, but she was the most foolish of us all."</p><p>Ethan looks shaken. Visibly shaken. Cap reaches under the table to grab his hand, and squeeze it.</p><p>"You remember what happened, don't you?"</p><p>He nods, "I do."</p><p>Cap glances between them, "What happened?"</p><p>Maryann looks to Ethan. She waits, for him to answer, but when he doesn't, she leans back in her seat, "Megan liked to go to the remains of our old church, to pray. Well, she's there one night, and a radiation storm hits. She didn't make it back to her bunker in time. Woke up the next morning, and she's fine. Fine, for a day. Then it got worse. First, she started complaining about a metallic taste in her mouth. Then, her hair started falling out. She got all pale, lost a ton of weight," She exhales, the memory visibly painful for her, "You remember when she took you? To see your pa?"</p><p>He nods, "We left in the middle of the night. She woke me up, wrapped my coat around me, and we walked....And walked...."</p><p>"Mhm....Well, when she returned, two weeks later....God. She looked like death."</p><p>Ethan's hand grips Cap's tightly.</p><p>"All skin. Could barely lift the pack on her shoulders. We all freaked out, because she was so ill, but you weren't with her. We asked her, again and again, where you were. Never told. Not even in a vague, riddle - ish way. There were just no answers," She motions to him, "Good to see you've grown into a healthy young man. With all your teeth, no less," She sighs, "Anyway, we all knew she was dyin', so we set her up in her bunker, and took care of her until she did. She was so weak, but I don't think she was in pain. She was happy you weren't there to see her like that. You weren't ready for it."</p><p>"How long did she last?"</p><p>"Only a month."</p><p>Ethan takes a deep breath, pushing himself up from the table and pulling his hand away from Cap, "I think I should see her."</p><p>"She's - "</p><p>"I can find her," He picks up his rucksack, and hurries out of the house.</p><p>Mickey bounces up, motioning Cap to follow. Cap turns to the twins, shaking Maryann's hand and waving to Marvin, "Thank you for doing this for Ethan. Keep the food," She hurries out, following. Ethan is striding quickly ahead, Mickey gaining, Timber right on her heels.</p><p>"Jesus, you gain a lot of ground," Cap breathes when she finally catches up, "You and those fuckin' long legs of yours."</p><p>Ethan doesn't respond, doesn't even look behind him. He beelines straight for where the twins said his mother was buried, and she could see him finger a key in his hand. There's a hole in the fence, and the group crawls through, completely silent. They walk for a bit, until the light of Bucket Valley is a dot behind them, then Ethan stops suddenly, Mickey almost bumping his shoulder. There's a little clearing in the trees, and from their view on top of a short hill, they see a house almost completely consumed by nature. Ethan stares, then starts walking again.</p><p>Cap pulls at Mickey's sleeve as she starts to follow, "Let's hang back for a second."</p><p>She nods, and they both watch as Ethan approaches, and then rounds the dilapidated building. He's gone for a few seconds, before he pops his head out again. He stares at the two, then cups his hand over his mouth, "Are you coming or what?"</p><p>"Guess he's not so keen on alone time," Mickey says, sliding down the small hill to follow.</p><p>They find Ethan staring at a spot, past the house and close to the treeline. Cap watches as he walks closer, and there, with the glint of the moon on it, is a weathered, wooden cross. It was fashioned together with rope, nailed up onto the trunk. Even from the fair distance away, Cap could see a name carved in. Megan Barker. Ethan rubs his fingers over the cross, and the name. He falls to his knees, pressing his forehead against the tree.</p><p>"This is fuckin' depressing," Mickey comments.</p><p>"Yeah," Cap mutters in agreement. She doesn't know how she'd react to one of her moms dying. It would probably be much uglier than Ethan's grieving processes. She's surprised at how quiet he was. His emotions and temper usually got the better of him, turning him loud, sometimes explosive.</p><p>After twenty minutes of kneeling, Ethan pulls back, and stands, using the tree for support. He pushes himself away, trudging back to the girls. He gets close, blinks at them. He doesn't look sad anymore, just...empty. A shell of a man. He notices Cap's staring, and turns his gaze away, to focus on the house.</p><p>A yard away, there's old, rotten wood boards laid upon the ground. Ethan kneels down, and starts pushing the debris away. Cap joins him, but he glares at her, and she clicks her tongue and stands back up again, hands up. When the boards are freed, exposed underneath, with a cracked, concrete border, was a bunker door. The metal was rusted and scratched. He takes out his key, and unlocks it without a thought. There's nothing but darkness inside.</p><p>"You want us to go in there with you?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Do what you want," He snaps, "I don't care," He doesn't look up as he grabs the ladder to the bunker, climbing down.</p><p>She looks to Mickey, who shrugs and says, "Yeah, I don't do the underground. Me n' Timber'll keep watch up here. You make sure he doesn't trip and die in there."</p><p>Cap slides down the ladder, landing on hollow wood. The bunker's air is cold, and stale. Ethan's head turns slightly, acknowledging her presence, but doesn't speak. He reaches his hand up, pulling the beaded cord of a ceiling light. It blinks on, lights dim, casting the bunker in pale amber. The bunker was mostly empty, but it was neat, and covered in a layer of dust. She keeps quiet as Ethan meanders through the length of the bunker, slow. He brushes his hand over a low table, rubbing dust between his fingers.</p><p>He travels deeper, staring at the walls.</p><p>"Huh," He says, touching them, "Where....?"</p><p>"What?" Cap asks.</p><p>He doesn't elaborate, just staring. He eventually moves on. There's a small kitchen with a little electronic stove, a small room for a shower, sink, and toilet, a five - by - five food closet, and in the back, a long room with two beds adjacent to one another. He stares into it, the old bunker lights blinking from disuse. He steps inside, slowly walking to his right. Cap peeks in right behind him. On one bed, there's a framed photo. There's a frame on the other bed, too, one that Ethan picks up, and stares at. He lowers himself onto the bed, hunched over, staring. The lines in his face deepen. He lays down in the bed, hugging the frame close to his chest, staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>Cap moves to the other bed, and picks up the frame. She holds it up to the light. It's a photo of a young boy, maybe three or four, with dark hair and olive skin. He's smiling, showing off a gap in his teeth. Cap immediately recognizes him as Ethan. It was nice to know that someone cared about him enough to mark his old bed with a memorial.</p><p>"Remind me why I wanted to stop here?" Ethan asks, blankly.</p><p>Knowing well it's fully rhetorical, Cap answers, "Because you wanted to see your mom?"</p><p>He picks his head up, "And where is she, hm? Besides six feet under in the dirt."</p><p>"Hey," She says, "At least you know the truth."</p><p>"I already knew it," He says bitterly, "Deep down, I knew. She would've died if she stayed with me or not."</p><p>She lays the frame back down, and steps over to Ethan. She kneels down by his bedside, holding a hand to his elbow, "She did it because she loved you, y'know?"</p><p>"Didn't love me enough to let me say goodbye."</p><p>"Ethan...."</p><p>"Don't '<em>Ethan</em>' me," He snaps, "I have every right to be angry with her. She decided I was ready to be dropped off alone with a father I didn't know, but didn't think I was ready to see her pass on," His teeth are grit, "She left me. <em>Her</em> choice, not mine. Left me with <em>nothing</em>, with <em>nobody</em>. Would you like to know what my father said about her?" He doesn't wait for an answer, "He said she was a kind, and loving woman. But I asked her what he thought about her. He said the same thing again.”</p><p>He sits up, frame hugged to his chest, "He couldn't tell me how seeing her smile was like watching a flower bloom in an instant. He couldn't tell me how her hair was dark and shined like the waters in the nighttime. He couldn't describe her dark eyes, so deep and beautiful, and full of passion for God, for faith," His mouth twists into a grimace, "For <em>him</em>. All that devotion, and he knew nothing about her. He had no idea I even existed."</p><p>Angry tears well up in his eyes. He pushes himself up, and Cap stands quick to slide out of his way. He clutches the frame in his hands, pacing.</p><p>"He didn't even have the strength to tell me the truth. To be honest with me about her. Even if it was the harsh truth of her being a one - night stand, it would have been kinder than to lie to me. He said he loved her, and me, but he loves all of his flock, so what was his love worth when it was shared so freely between us? What was I to him? What was she? A way to continue his legacy? Like he didn't have his <em>pick.”</em></p><p>His voice grows louder, "I have more questions than answers and I'm stuck with them! I don't know what to do! I...I'm - " He growls in frustration, "I hate him! I hate him for what he's done!" He yells loud, shaking the walls, "I prayed with him, I preached alongside him, I fucking led New Eden when he ran as we were terrorized by those fucking graffitied locusts! And where did it land me? Nowhere! With nothing! Again!"</p><p>He lets out another loud yell in frustration. He pulls his arm back, and hurls the photo frame. It shatters loudly against the metal of the wall, reverbing the noise through the bunker. He heaves in air, and runs his fingers through his hair. He speaks to her without looking at her.</p><p>"Raid this place, burn it down, whatever it is you do, I don't care. I'm going back to the room," He says it with a hollow tone. He pushes past her, and climbs up the ladder faster than she can follow.</p><p>When she finally appears topside, Ethan is already disappearing into the trees. Mickey extends an arm out, catching Cap by the chest.</p><p>"Don't," She says, "Daddy issues. Don't wanna be around for that."</p><p>"Christ, could you hear us from in there?"</p><p>"Pretty sure the whole town could hear Ethan."</p><p>Cap sighs, in defeat, in sorrow. Timber sits by their feet, whining. Cap snaps her fingers, "Timber?" She points to the trees, "Follow."</p><p><em>Nyoom</em>, Timber takes off for Ethan. Cap blows her hair from her face, and jerks her head back to the bunker.</p><p>"I'm gonna see if I can find anything he'll want to take," She says, "Help me out?"</p><p>This time, Mickey agrees. They descend inside. Mickey sneezes, complaining about dust. The first thing Cap does is go to the frame Ethan had smashed. She kneels down, and takes a piece of scrap to carefully edge the photo out from the broken glass. It's a photo of a woman, who looked so much like Ethan Cap had to double - take to make sure it was his mother rather than him. On the weathered photo paper, Megan Barker was sitting happily in a church pew. Bright light surrounded her from the church windows behind, lighting up the whitewashed walls. She held her hands over her swollen stomach, staring straight at the camera, grinning ear - to - ear.</p><p>"I'm not finding anything, place is picked clean. What exactly are we looking for?" Mickey calls from the other room.</p><p>"Photos, clothes...." She picks her head up. There's a small lift in the middle of Megan's mattress, "...Books," Cap places the photo down on the bed, then lifts the mattress. Inside, there's a weathered, brown leather journal, wrapped with leather cord. Cap takes it, out. Her first instinct is to open it up, but she tamps the desire down. While the Judge may have given her their journal, Megan's journal was definitely Ethan's, full stop. Cap takes the journal, the photo of Megan, and takes the photo of Ethan out of its frame. She searches a little more in the back room, but finds nothing else besides empty cans and jars, and a few old blankets. She walks back out.</p><p>"Anything?" Mickey asks her.</p><p>"Yeah, his mom's journal, and some old photos. Nothing else. You?"</p><p>"Nah, just more dust. You look through the journal yet?"</p><p>"No. It's not mine."</p><p>Mickey hums in acknowledgment, and the two head back up topside. They close the hatch, and move the old wooden boards back over it. Ethan took the key, so there was no way for them to lock it back up. Cap hoped that the hiding place would stay hidden.</p><p>As they walk, Cap slips the photos into the closed cover of the journal without opening it, and slides it into her rucksack, the two women making small talk.</p><p>"You think he'll want them, even?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"He didn't know it was there. I'm sure if there were questions he had, she'd write something down. Maybe not everything he wants to know, but at least some of 'em. Half answers are better than none, y'know?"</p><p>"Yeah, I guess I do," They walk for a few more steps, "What do you think he's doing up in the room right now?"</p><p>Cap sighs, "Probably tearing it apart."</p><p>"You think he'll run?"</p><p>She pauses. Ethan was impulsive. It wouldn't surprise her if they showed up to the room, and he and his things were gone. Her heart sinks low, "Fuckin' hope not," She walks a little faster, with purpose.</p><p>They get to town, and the crowds and lights and vendors don't distract Cap as she beelines for the motel. She runs up the stairs, dread drudging up in her gut.</p><p>Ethan, thankfully, is there, curled up in the hallway, sitting up with his back to their room door. He has his face covered with his hands, Timber curled up in his side, pushing against him and whining.</p><p>"Eth?"</p><p>He doesn't respond. She lowers herself on her knees, tapping his arm. He jerks away, revealing, for a second, puffy cheeks and red eyes. He sniffs, and shuffles over, not looking at her, covering his face again. She looks over her shoulder, to Mickey, and shakes her head.</p><p>Mickey motions to him, <em>Do something,</em> she mouths.</p><p><em>I don't know what to do</em>! Cap mouths back. She was used to anger or frustration. Sorrow was a very new emotion on him, one she's not familiar with.</p><p>Mickey rolls her eyes and slouches her shoulders. She reaches into her pocket, pulling out the motel key and trudging forward.</p><p>"Stop with the dramatics, Eden," She says coldly. She glances at Cap, then nudges him out of the way with her boot and unlocks the door, "You ran off so fast, you didn't even get to see the journal your mom left behind."</p><p>At hearing the word journal, Ethan's head picks up. His eyes are wide, red and wet.</p><p>She smirks, "Oh, that sucked up all those tears, didn't it?" She jerks her head to the room, "Get the fuck in the room. You're embarrassing yourself."</p><p>Ethan scrambles to his feet, "Where is it?" He asks as soon as they all enter.</p><p>"Depends. You gonna be cool?"</p><p>He sighs in frustration, "<em>Cool</em> - ?"</p><p>"Yeah," She says, "<em>You</em>," She steps closer, pressing her finger to his chest, "Need to be cool. Or else we're not gonna tell you where the book is."</p><p>He looks at Cap, in complete shock, "Are you hearing this?"</p><p>She keeps going before Cap can speak, "You have a habit of breaking shit when you get emotional, Eden."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"<em>And</em> if you get us kicked out, or break any of my shit, I'm gonna create a couple more scars on your body," She exhales, reigning in whatever anger she felt was building up, "This shit's not easy, I know, but you gotta fuckin' get through it."</p><p>"Oh, like you would know?"</p><p>Mickey takes another deep breath, "My pops died of radiation poisoning," She finally says, "And unlike your lucky ass, me 'n Lou had to sit back and watch him whither away and die. Do you know what that's like? Watching someone who's always been your fucking rock, get reduced to fucking bones? So weak he can't pick his head up to drink? So delirious he thinks you're someone you're not?"</p><p>A dark silence falls over the room. Cap feels her heart drop, and the tenseness in Ethan's shoulders weaken, just slightly.</p><p>Mickey jabs her finger again in his chest, "So you need to stop acting like you're the only guy in the room who's ever lost somebody. And grow. The fuck. <em>Up</em>," She pulls back, goes to Cap, who doesn't resist as she reaches into her bag, pulling out the journal. She tosses it onto his bed without a word.</p><p>Ethan hesitates, for a second, before diving for the book. He stands, holding it tight in his hands, glancing between the two women. Mickey speaks before Cap can.</p><p>"We're gonna head to that bookstore down the street," She points to him, "And you better be chill when we come back," She hooks a hand under Cap's arm, pulling her out of the room and slamming the door behind them.</p><p>Immediately, Cap holds Mickey's arm, "Christ, Mickey, I'm so sorry - "</p><p>"I don't wanna hear it," Mickey says, cold and tough, "I've heard it enough fuckin' times in my life," She rolls a tongue over her teeth, and gestures to the door, "But for that? You owe me two favors - No, no, three, three favors, you owe me."</p><p>"Sounds real fair to me," Cap agrees.</p><p>"Great," Mickey says, "And I wasn't kidding about that bookstore. I forgot to pack one, and it's been driving me up the fucking wall with nothing to do."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The bookstore reminds Cap of the ones in San Francisco. It's stacked with books and magazines, every wall a shelf, and other tall shelves create a maze inside for her and Mickey to roam through. The Lonely Man's Bookstore, it was named. It was completely empty, thanks to the time of night, leaving Mickey and Cap the run of the place. Though, Cap wasn't in much of a book - browsing mood, thinking of Ethan. She instead let Mickey pick out books and go on and on about how she's already read this - and - that, how this book was hot garbage, but this book was amazing, and this one was great until they botched the ending with an unneeded twist or death.</p><p>Cap doesn't think she's ever heard Mickey be so passionate about something before. There's not a book they pass Mickey hasn't read, and Ethan's plight is pushed out of Cap's mind as she watches her go on a tirade about how boring The Great Gatsby was, waving around a slim and weathered copy. She shoves it back into its place on the shelf with a huff, going down the line. She picks out a few books, a few magazines.</p><p>"You getting anything?" Mickey asks, "Your book isn't gonna last the whole trip."</p><p>"I don't think I'll be reading anything else," Cap says honestly. She'll probably be reading the Judge's words again and again until they're burned right into her head.</p><p>"Well, I'm packing a library here," She piles her score onto the checkout desk, "Y'know, in case you get bored."</p><p>"Doubt it," She approaches a stand with a few books on display. She studies some of the titles, picking through romances and mysteries, until a title catches her eye. <em>The Alchemist</em> by Paulo Coehlo.</p><p>Mickey scoffs, "Can't be that great a writer," She dumps a good bunch of scrap on the counter, letting the cashier inspect it, "Dude doesn't even talk."</p><p>"They don't, but they've got a lot to say," She picks up the book, taking out a few pieces she had and placing it down on the counter.</p><p>"That's deep, Cap."</p><p>"There's a lot to Judge I never realized."</p><p>"Didn't even think there was much past that mask," The two walk outside, "Always thought there was, like," She gestures with her hands, "Straw, or something."</p><p>Cap snorts, "<em>Straw</em>?"</p><p>"C'mon, don't say you haven't thought it, too. They don't act human. Don't talk, don't eat, don't sleep. I've only seen them rip people apart."</p><p>"I used to think like that, too," Cap says, honestly. When Joseph assigned the Judge to her, they were just as Mickey described. A machine. A weapon. A tool. It took months of working together for Judge to even let so much as a crack of their true self show, "Just takes time."</p><p>"Hey, they still mad at me for New Eden?"</p><p>"Ooooh yes. Not as bad since then, but still pissed."</p><p>They step into the bar of their motel. It's still crowded, later into the night, people laughing and yelling and having a good time. Mickey jerks her head to the barkeep behind the counter, "Feel like a drink?" She asks her.</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "Not tonight."</p><p>"Shit, Eden kill the vibe that bad?"</p><p>She taps the book in her bag, "Maybe tomorrow, huh? We've got this night, the next, then another. No need to get our fill of the town so soon, right?"</p><p>"I get it. You gonna get some sleep?"</p><p>"Think it's too early. I'll probably see how Ethan's doing, hang out for a bit."</p><p>"Right. I'm staying for a drink, though. Might grab a bite to eat."</p><p>"Cool. Just stay out of trouble, alright?"</p><p>Mickey waves her off, "Yeah, yeah," She pats her new books under her arms, "I've got my trouble right here with me."</p><p>Cap smiles tightly, "I'll leave the door unlocked for you."</p><p>"If I show up drunk, make sure you take my boots off when I hit the mattress."</p><p>"Sure," She bumps Mickey fondly in the arm, "See you later," She takes the key from Mickey, heading upstairs. She takes a deep breath before she unlocks their room door. She peeks her head in.</p><p>Ethan is hunched over the edge of the bed, reading his mother's journal, with Timber sleeping soundly at his feet. The photos are laid out carefully on the nightstand. His face is creased, focused on the words inside. She watches him pick at something within the pages, and carefully pull out a newspaper clipping. He holds it up to the lantern light of the room, eyebrows knit, mouthing some of the words silently.</p><p>Cap shifts, and it causes the floor to creak under her. She cringes, hoping he didn't hear. He takes a quick glance up, but does a double - take seeing that it's Cap. He folds the clipping back into the book, closing it.</p><p>"Hey now," She says, "Don't stop on my account. Just checkin' in. Makin' sure you're alright."</p><p>He frowns, then turns his head away, picking the journal back up. She sighs. Boy, he's pissed. She slides into the room, carefully closing the door behind her. She purses her lips, and tilts her head, "I gotcha somethin'."</p><p>He doesn't raise his head, reading. Cap sighs. She walks forward, taking out the book and holding it out for him. He doesn't acknowledge it. She sighs again, louder, and taps his shoulder with it.</p><p>That trips his temper, and he snaps his head to her, "What?"</p><p>"I <em>said</em>, I gotcha somethin'."</p><p>He eyes the book, then takes it, "Thanks," He tosses it onto his pillow without looking, then focuses back on the journal.</p><p>Cap doesn't move, head tilting, "What'd you find out so far?" She gets an annoyed huff of air in response. She sits down by his side, their thighs touching, "Hey, man, I'm only asking because I care," She slips an arm into his, "Sucks to see you so sad, y'know? I'm worried about you."</p><p>He sighs again, gentler. There's a long pause, "It starts off with her own little Book of Joseph she's written down, as well as her starting days with the cult," He starts, "So far, all she talks about is <em>Joseph, Joseph, Joseph</em>," He picks up the newspaper clipping he had before, holding it up.</p><p>She handles it delicately, as if it could crumble with the wrong touch. The clipping has no words, just a grainy, faded photo of Joseph Seed in the middle of a crowd, passionately giving a sermon. Cap passes the photo back. She expects him to crumple it up, but he simply places it back between the pages.</p><p>He continues, "You know what she was before she met the Father? A teacher. She..." He delicately traces some words on the paper, "She got fired for her drinking habits. She lost her house, her car, everything she had. She wandered around for days....until she accidentally stumbled into Joseph Seed. He was coming out of a gas station, in Arizona. He was riding with his brothers, spreading the Good Word. My uncles wanted to leave, but the Father couldn't stand to leave her behind. They talked for a little while, on this bench outside. He took her hand, and she...." He raises the book, flipping back a few pages, reading directly, "<em>Looked deep into his eyes, staring into two oceans, full of knowledge, and wisdom, and love. I felt as if nothing could harm me in his presence</em>," He huffs, "Love at first sight," He says bitterly.</p><p>Knowing Joseph's cruel past, Cap thinks back on what's she's read. The kindly old Father was looking less and less kindly. Now she was wondering just how many of the Peggies were just like Ethan's mom, taken in to become flock and fodder, promised salvation, promised kindness. All that Joseph asked for was your body and soul.</p><p>"It....feels like obsession," Ethan mutters, "The way she speaks about the Project, and my father. Like they were the only things that made life worth living."</p><p>Cap presses into his side more, laying her head on his shoulder, "Then she found out about you. That made her see past all that cult stuff."</p><p>"But I still don't understand why," He flips through the journal, "What made her leave? She knew she was pregnant with me when she left....Why not stay with my father?"</p><p>The Judge's words ring loud in Cap's head; <em>Joseph Seed preached chastity, and lived chaste himself. Maybe he fell off the wagon while I wasn't looking, but I don't think so, Cap. He lived his rules and vows to a tee, without a waver. Now, if Ethan's mother showed up talking about John Seed, it'd be different, but no. Ethan was Joseph's, according to her.</em> But that was Judge's opinion, not fact. They had no real idea. She shrugs, "You'll just have to keep reading and find out," She hugs his arm, "I'm sure you'll find all the answers you need in that book."</p><p>"You and your optimism," He says with a scoff.</p><p>"Hey. Someone around here has to be."</p><p>He rolls his eyes, then goes back to his reading. Cap lets go of him, shedding her equipment and boots. She lays down on the other side of the bed, her eyes trailing up his back, following his hair. He has it tied up into a messy bun, strands loose and hanging. She sits up, curling on strand gently between her fingers.</p><p>"Can I braid your hair?" It was a small habit she picked up when they hung out together. She couldn't help herself, his hair was just getting so long, and he was always brushing it out of his face and away from his eyes. And Ethan liked it, she thinks, because he wouldn't complain at all when she did.</p><p>Ethan shrugs in response, and moves. Cap sits on the pillows, pushing the book she'd gotten him onto the nightstand. He settles between her legs, still reading. She threads her fingers through his greasy hair. Maybe there was a lake they could stop at somewhere to wash up. She wraps her legs around his waist.</p><p>She sections off parts of his hair, braiding small strands together. He's perfectly still, and quiet, flipping the pages of his mother's journal. She creates a few braids, then undoes them, ruffling the strands out. She separates them, turning the braid into a French braid. Undoing, redoing, undoing, redoing. After thirty minutes or so, she takes his hair and does a braid that would swing over his shoulder. She moves the braid over to expose the back of his neck. A scar licks up the side, mostly hidden by his shirt, but slightly edging over where his shoulders met his neck. Cap leans forward, reaching under his arms to smooth her hands over his stomach, holding him close.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Ethan asks, and despite his temper before, he doesn't sound annoyed.</p><p>"Nothin'," She says, "Huggin' you," He usually looked like he needed one, and if Cap's hug - instincts were correct, he especially needed one now.</p><p>She can't see around him, but she hears him close the book. She watches him reach over and place it on the nightstand. She unhooks her legs from around him as he turns around, and he lays with her, his head on her chest. She looks at the weathered wood of the ceiling, comfortable with his weight on top of her. She scratches at his scalp, hearing him sigh.</p><p>There's a long quiet, and Cap feels herself drift off, until Ethan's voice breaks that sleepy haze.</p><p>"Can I be honest with you, Captain?"</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>He rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, "I didn't just come on this journey to see my old town," He pauses, taking a deep breath, "I saw you and Mickey out the window, in the cartography office, and I knew you two were leaving. The first thing I felt was...." He rubs up his arm, "Fear. I was....afraid, to be left behind. I have nobody back in Prosperity. I would've been left alone, for who knows how long, without you."</p><p>Cap sits up. She never thought of how Ethan would feel if she had left him behind without a word.</p><p>But before she could properly react to him, he turns over, his back to her, speaking quicker, "<em>There that's what I wanted to say OK goodnight -</em> "</p><p>She shakes his shoulder, "Wait wait wait wait," She looks over him, trying to look into his face, "Were you really gonna miss me that much?"</p><p>He twists back around quickly, sitting up, his cheeks beet red, "Yes! What do you want me to say? That you're my only friend, and I was terrified to be left behind while you went off and...and," He waves a hand, "Journeyed far while I was trapped in that white room? Because....I...." He lets out a loud, frustrated noise, and sinks back into the bed, grabbing a pillow and covering his face.</p><p>She shakes him, "Hey, don't hide from me!"</p><p>"Leave me alone," He says, muffled by the pillow.</p><p>She grabs the pillow, throwing it across the room. She looks down out at him, eyebrows knitted, "Ethan, please."</p><p>He glares at her, eyes wet. He sits up, gaze focused down, "You," He says again, slowly, "Are my only friend. And I was terrified to be left behind."</p><p>Cap frowns. She thinks about all the people in his life who've left him behind. His mom to protect him from her sickness, his dad who was lost in his own despair, and if she had left without him, her. She grabs his hand, squeezing, "I'm sorry I tried to leave without saying goodbye. I didn't even realize what could've happened to you while I was gone."</p><p>His eyes dart up. He studies her face.</p><p>She grins tightly, apologetically, "I'm glad you caught us, though. Wouldn't be the same without seeing you everyday."</p><p>He's silent. He squeezes her hand back, eye darting from her eyes, to her lips, and leans into her, kissing her softly. He puts no passion into it, but it’s soft, and makes Cap’s heart flutter.</p><p>"Oh, now I see why you wanted to come along," Cap says with a smile.</p><p>He pulls back, frowning, "Captain," He scolds.</p><p>"Joke, joke, it's a joke, I'm kidding."</p><p>He huffs, and shakes his head, but kisses her again anyway. He glides his hands over her thighs - </p><p>The door to the room bursts open, effectively breaking the two apart. Mickey stands in the doorway, hat covering her nose and eyes. She smiles, "Heeey," She drawls out, "I'm back!"</p><p>Cap sighs, the second time in the past week she's gotten cockblocked because of the third of their party, but then a bright idea pops into her head. She stands up, "Goin' to sleep?"</p><p>"Yupp," Mickey smacks her lips, "I'm headin' in."</p><p>"Well, me and Ethan are gonna go to that armory."</p><p>"We are?" Ethan cuts in.</p><p>"Yeah, we are," She casts him a grin, then looks back at Mickey, "Hold the fort down for us until we get back."</p><p>Mickey throws her a salute, then walks to their bed, and collapses, face down. Making good on her promise, Cap takes off her boots for her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Cap grabs her tactical bow, and her pistol, and a new and hefty load of scrap, and she and Ethan head off to Big Barbie's Armory. They drop Timber off at the kennel again, first, and Cap's heart breaks at the big, sad look her dog throws her.</p><p>They maneuver through the streets of Bucket Valley. Ethan sticks close, holding the back of her coat so they don't get separated. The front of Big Barbie's Armory is covered in sheet metal, with a few armed guards. Cap thanks God Mickey was drunk in the room, because the guards were decked out in that signature Highwaymen flair, motocross armor and graffiti and all. Nice to know nothing changed among the ranks since the Twins disappeared.</p><p>"Business?" One guard asks.</p><p>"Checking out the stock and shooting range," Cap answers, "We've got the scrap to pay."</p><p>The guard approaches, "I think we need to see some of those goods then."</p><p>"Why?" Ethan asks, "That should be Big Barbie's job, shouldn't it? We're trading with her. Not you." </p><p>She elbows him lightly in the ribs, and he huffs in response. The last thing they needed was to be stirring the pot in the middle of a Highwaymen hotspot. She glances at the other guards, three, who are staring at their fourth. The guard moves from her, to Ethan, staring up.</p><p>"Got a problem?" The guard says with a tilt of his head.</p><p>Cap cuts in, "No, no no no, no problem here."</p><p>But the guard doesn't look at her, "What's your name, pal?"</p><p>Instead of taking the hint Cap elbowed into his side, Ethan stares down at the guard. He's got a good two inches on him, "Why do you need to know that?"</p><p>She hits him in the arm, "Ethan, stop, it's not worth it."</p><p>"It'd be smart to listen to your friend here," The guard jabs a finger to his chest, "<em>Ethan</em> - "</p><p>Ethan knocks the man's hand away from his chest, "Don't touch me - "</p><p>Cap squeezes between the two, pushing Ethan back, and creating a few feet of space, "Alright, alright, alright, both your dicks are big, we get it. Here," She reaches into her bag, pulling out a few scraps and shoving it into the arms of the Highwayman, "You take this, and we go inside, and we forget about this little incident, huh? We just wanna check the armory out. We aren't here to cause trouble," She looks at Ethan, "Right, Eth?"</p><p>He glances at her, and when she shakes her head, he knits his brows, but nods, "Right.</p><p>But the Highwayman isn't satisfied with that. He drops the scrap that was shoved into his arms, letting them scatter in the dirt, still staring at Ethan, "We're gonna need a lot more that just scrap now, kiddos."</p><p>Her stomach drops. She stands in front of Ethan protectively, "We're sorry, alright? Right, Ethan? Say you're sorry."</p><p>"Sorry just ain't gonna cut it right now," The Highwayman tucks away his rifle, cracking his knuckles.</p><p>Cap sighs, "Look, pal, he's not looking to fight anybody - "</p><p>"Don't call me pal, kiddo," He steps forward.</p><p>She presses herself against Ethan, forcing him back, The other guards step down from their posts to back up their fourth, muttering amongst themselves, brandishing their guns. Cap turns around, pushing at Ethan, "<em>Go go go go go - "</em></p><p>"What's all the ruckus out here?" A voice booms from inside the armory.</p><p>Everybody freezes, including Cap, her hands still on Ethan's shoulders. She turns. In the doorway of the armory, there's a tall, rotund woman, with a pock - marked face, dressed in thick pants and a jacket. She looks at the scene, giving Cap and Ethan a sideways smirk.</p><p>"My boys aren't givin' you two trouble, are they?" She asks.</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "No, ma'am - "</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>," Ethan pushes forward, stalking up to the door, "They were trying to shake us down for our loot, and threatened me and my friend when we didn't relent."</p><p>The woman crosses her arms, glaring at her guards, "Thought we had this conversation already, Highwaymen."</p><p>The guards mutter their apologies, except the one who threatened Ethan, who steps up next to Ethan, "Door fees need to be paid - "</p><p>"We don't take door fees at my armory, son," She sneers, "Don't want Donnie to hear you've been beating up my customers, and costing me business, do you?"</p><p>The guard shakes his head, head low, "No, ma'am."</p><p>"You're dismissed, son."</p><p>"But - "</p><p>"I said dismissed," She says louder.</p><p>The guard stares her down. Then turns on his heel and walks off. He bumps Cap in the shoulder as he passes, and Cap spits in the dust he kicks up behind. The woman watches him go, then walks down the steps. She snaps at the other guards.</p><p>"Don't just stand around, 'less you want to get sent back, too. Pick up these scraps."</p><p>Cap pulls Ethan by the collar, out of the guards' way as they pick up their loot. She's never seen Highwaymen so whipped, and is speechless when she's handed back her items. She follows them with her eyes as they set back up at their positions. When it's all said and done, the woman clasps her hands together, smiling, showing off a tooth gap.</p><p>"I'm so sorry about that," She says, "I always try to instill those Bucket Valley values, but they just don't stick with these boys."</p><p>"Thank you," Cap says, "We're really sorry for causing trouble - "</p><p>The woman waves her off, "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm Barbie, owner of Big Barbie's Armory. You come for my stock, love?"</p><p>"Yes ma'am," Cap motions to Ethan, "But also to practice on your shooting range."</p><p>Barbie eyes Ethan, "You're not familiar with a gun, love?"</p><p>He shakes his head, "No....ma'am," He tacks on, respectfully.</p><p>She overlooks him, and Cap sweats over it, like she could read all of Ethan's secrets with just a few glances. But Barbie just shrugs, and puts her hands on her hips.</p><p>"Well, this is the best place to be to learn! Nowhere safer," She leans in, "But mind you, love, try to keep that tongue of yours in your mouth. Some'a the folks around here don't have the guts to stand up to the Highwaymen, and Big Barbie ain't gonna be there to save your hide every time."</p><p>Ethan's cheeks flush, and he nods, head down, "Yes, ma'am."</p><p>Cap hooks her arm with Ethan's as they're lead into the armory. There's three parts. One is the front shop, plastered with weapons of every quality, and every kind. Then there's the backroom, behind a locked door, where Barbie explains she keeps her 'Special Stock.' And in the back, with almost a mile of space in a cleared space, there was the shooting range. It was lined and dotted with targets, meters apart to mark the spaces between. It was lit with burning barrels, but they barely needed it, thanks to the bright moonlight.</p><p>Ethan stares at the weapon stock behind the counter, as did Cap. She eyes some of the weapons, focusing on a pretty, shined magnum on the higher racks. Barbie throws them a big smile.</p><p>"What's your poison, love?" She asks, gesturing to different weapons, "Light?" She points out a collection of pistols, "Heavy?" She taps a shotgun, "Unconventional?" She reaches under the counter, bringing out a belt - fed SMG.</p><p>Cap's eyes go wide seeing it, "Holy shit, that's cool."</p><p>"Made it myself," Barbie says proudly, "How about a spin?"</p><p>Though it made Cap's mouth water, she reigns in her excitement, "Let's start with something simple for my guy here," She eyes the pistols, "How about a nine millimeter? Simple, easy to use," She looks to Ethan, "Whaddya say?"</p><p>He doesn't move his eyes from the wall of weapons, "Sure."</p><p>Cap places some scrap down for five magazines, since she had her own weapon, and helps Ethan set up. He reaches for the pistol, but she stops her hand.</p><p>"Nuh - uh. First, we gotta go over the rules," She ignores the roll of his eyes, and holds up a finger, "One, always assume your gun is loaded. Two, never wave it around just to intimidate someone. You use it to kill, and that's it. Three, never keep your finger directly on the trigger unless you're firing it. Four - "</p><p>"Didn't know there were so many rules to shooting a gun," He mutters, crossing his arms.</p><p>"Dude, this thing fires molten metal at you at hundreds of miles per hour. It's important that you understand all the rules, because you could get hurt, or someone else could. I don't really expect you to ever use it, Eth, but you never know when you might have to."</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>She continues, "Four, be sure of your target, and be mindful of friendlies or hazards. One stray bullet could lodge itself in an explosive barrel, and boom, everyone around is crisper than Nick Rye's barbeque," She explains more, and Ethan nods, following her words. Once she goes over everything, she loads her pistol up, and hands it to him, "See this switch?" She points to the safety, "Keeps the gun from firing when you ain't usin' it. When you ain't in a firefight, you wanna make sure it's always on."</p><p>"Right."</p><p>She stands behind Ethan, her hands on his hips, kicking his heels apart, "Legs spread a little more....great, looks good, then you wanna bend your knees....Nice," She helps him square his shoulders, leaning him forward, "What's your dominant hand?"</p><p>"Left."</p><p>"OK, keep that on the grip," She moves his hand, "Then you want the other braced on the other side. Both thumbs should be....Yeah, like that, nice."</p><p>"This....feels like I'm holding it wrong."</p><p>"S'supposed to. It's the best way to handle the recoil."</p><p>"Can I ask you how old you were when you first held a gun, Captain?"</p><p>She thinks, "Mmm.....sixteen. Community wasn't crazy about kids having guns, so I had to wait a few years," She extends his arms out, helping him focus on a target five meters away, "OK, so, you've got your target, it's clear of other hazards and obstacles, you just gotta pull the trigger. Now, when you shoot it off, you're gonna feel it go up your whole arms. You just gotta stay cool, and hold your grip, but don't squeeze your hands around it too tight. You want a firm grip, not a death grip. And keep both your eyes open."</p><p>She lets go of Ethan, moving slightly to the side. He waits a few moments, then lets a shot ring out.</p><p>"Fuck!" He yells out, the shot knocking him back an inch, arms rising. Cap is immediately at his side, pressing her hands to his shoulders.</p><p>"Told you, be mindful of the recoil."</p><p>He exhales, looking at the target and squinting, "Did I hit it?"</p><p>She looks, "No. That's OK, it's your first shot, not your best shot. We've got a few magazines to try out, so we're gonna keep going until you hit your target."</p><p>She helps him set back up, and the practice continues. Each bullet Ethan lets fly, he sets back up, and he tries again. After two magazines, and no hits, he sighs in frustration, and lowers his arms.</p><p>"I'm not hitting anything."</p><p>"And that's OK, dude. You're practicing. You're basically just getting used to the recoil right now. Once you power through that, it's gonna be way easier, trust me."</p><p>He stares at her, then nods, and sets himself back up. After five more shots, they finally hear the hard thunk of a bullet hitting it's target. Their eyes meet, and Cap smiles.</p><p>"Shit, OK," She goes over, and checks the target. There's a little hole, right at the edge of the target. She looks at him, and holds a thumb up, pointing to the new hole, "See it?"</p><p>He nods, grinning, looking proud, "I do."</p><p>She runs back over, punching him in the arm, "See? Getting over those first - shot jitters. Keep going, I'm right behind 'ya."</p><p>He sets back up, and lets more bullets fly. The next few miss, but another hits the target, slightly more closer to the center than the last. He looks at Cap, grinning. She nods, telling him to keep going. And he does, missing most, but hitting some. He keeps going until they run out of magazines, and out of the sixty or so shots he's taken, he hits at least ten of them. Though they're at the edges of the target, he's mighty proud of the shots he's taken.</p><p>"Not bad, not bad at all," Cap says, "Wanna practice more?" She asks him.</p><p>He shakes his head, "I think I've had my fill. For now," He points to her bow, "I think I'm ready for that, now."</p><p>She smiles, and passes him her tactical bow, "Let's fuckin' do it, man. Let me grab some more arrows, first."</p><p>She goes back into the main building, looking for Barbie. She stops when she sees her, talking to a man, who was crowding the doorway. Barbie looked mighty pissed at the man, who was tall and broad, and pale. He wore motocross armor, and black leather, but lacked the graffiti the rest of the goons did.</p><p>"......And I told them - "</p><p>"Well I'm tired of them being told," Barbie puts her hands on her hips, "I'm tired of these travellers getting shaken down because these motocross junkies can't accept the Twins are gone. You're the boss around these parts, not the Twins. I've had fuckin' enough, and if you don't come down harder, I will. You know the people around here, Donnie. They'll try and drive you out without a second thought," She takes a deep breath, voice low, "And you know which side I'll be taking."</p><p>Donnie sighs through his nose, shaking head, "I'm tryin' - "</p><p>"Try harder. Just cause your mommy died doesn't mean you have to run the place like she did. You can't just sit back because it's easy - "</p><p>"I don't - "</p><p>"You do, just like she did."</p><p>Cap attempts to slip back out to the shooting range, but accidentally bumps a mop, and it clatters down. She hisses in air, frozen as the two's heads snap towards her.</p><p>Barbie looks back to Donnie, "We'll talk later."</p><p>Donnie, in a defeated way, nods, "OK, Auntie."</p><p>When he walks out of sight, Barbie turns, hands clasped together. Her friendly demeanor has a tightness to it, "How much of that did you hear?"</p><p>Cap shrugs, "Uh....not a lot? I mean....It's none of my business, ma'am. I've got no stake in what happens around here, and I ain't about to judge you for what I don't know the whole story of."</p><p>Barbie nods her head, "Smart girl. What were you looking for?"</p><p>"Arrows, and...." She eyes one of the 9mm pistols on the wall, "A new gun for my pal."</p><p>She smiles, "On it, love."</p><p>In a few moments, Cap is now the proud owner of twelve new arrows (added to the twelve she had packed,) and a 9mm. She asks Barbie for a favor. At first surprised, she then nods and grins, and tucks the gun under the front counter for later. She thanks Barbie, and runs back outside. Ethan is resting next to the small table they were using to hold their ammo and guns. He stands.</p><p>"What took you so long?"</p><p>Cap shrugs, "She had other customers," She takes off her bow, handing it to Ethan, "Ready to learn?"</p><p>"It doesn't look any harder than shooting a gun."</p><p>"Oh, believe me, shooting a gun is easy. A toddler could pull the trigger. Bows are much harder. You don't need as much discipline with them, but it takes a lot to get comfortable with it."</p><p>She positions him correctly from the target, turned 90 degrees. She presses her chest to his back, helping him hold the bow. She helps his right hand grip the handle, and places an arrow in his left.</p><p>"Take a deep breath," She helps him pull the arrow back, held between two fingers, "Focus. And let it fly," She lets go of him, pulling back. She watches inhale, pause, then let the arrow fly. It whips right past the target, getting lost yards behind.</p><p>He exhales, "Should we go after it?"</p><p>"Later," Cap says, "It would be stupid to go after 'em one at a time. Just keep going, I'm keeping count."</p><p>She helps set him up the next five arrows, but after that, Ethan gets the hang of it. His arrows miss the target he's aiming for, but he slowly relaxes with the bow, becoming more comfortable. When the quiver is dry. He sighs.</p><p>"Is bow work always so...." He rolls his shoulders, "Taxing?"</p><p>"Yeah," Cap confirms, "But it gets easier with practice," She jabs him softly in the stomach, "Might put a little muscle on those bones."</p><p>Ethan huffs, then helps Cap pick up the arrows. They find all of them, plus one that had veered left, and lodged itself into a tree. Cap watches Ethan try to pull it out, to no avail, and then steps in and plucks it easily out of the bark.</p><p>"I loosened it for you," Ethan says.</p><p>"Sure, pal," She looks to the sky, seeing that the dark was lightening, signifying that dawn was just on the horizon. She packs away the arrows, and they both walk back into the armory. Barbie is penning something in a book, but raises her head when the two walk in. She smiles.</p><p>"How was everything?"</p><p>"Got the basics down," Cap says, "Thanks for letting us use your range."</p><p>"No problem," She looks to Ethan, "How'd you make out, love?"</p><p>"Good," He says with a nod, "I like the bow."</p><p>"That's good. It's easier to hunt with those than a rifle," She grins, "And lucky you, we've got a special deal. Today only."</p><p>"Oh," He says, glancing at Cap, "What...is it?"</p><p>"If you buy five or more magazines, and a bundle of arrows," She brings out the gun Cap had purchased, placing it down flat, "You get a handgun, free."</p><p>Ethan's eyebrows raise. He looks at Cap, then to Barbie, "And....that's it? Those are the terms?"</p><p>"Yessir, they are. Should help you on your future journeys."</p><p>"And...that's it?"</p><p>Barbie's head tilts, eyebrows knitting, "You don't trust easy, do you?"</p><p>His mouth becomes a line. He glances at Cap again, who shrugs, "Hey. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me," She clicks her tongue, "I mean, if you don't want it - "</p><p>"I didn't say that," He says. He eyes Barbie's hand, and she pushes it towards the edge of the counter. He approaches, and carefully takes it, "Thank you. Really."</p><p>"My pleasure," She folds her hands, "Anything else I can do for you two before you're on your way?"</p><p>Cap steps up, "Yes, actually, just a few more things...."</p><p>She dumps the rest of her scrap, purchasing a new optic for Mickey's rifle. The one she got from Grace was good, but it was more fitted for medium range, and who knows when they would need a long - range sight. She gets more sniper rifle ammo, too. Those were usually the hardest to come across, just below rockets and explosives.</p><p>They thank Barbie, and are off on their way, back to the hotel. Ethan is quiet the way back, but Cap can't help but notice the happier bounce in his step. He's got a gleam in his eyes, and a smirk on his face. She shoulders into him.</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"So....?"</p><p>"You like it?"</p><p>He nods, smiling, "Yes. It was a nice surprise."</p><p>She yawns, "Good to know."</p><p>The inside of the bar is quiet now, with only the last few customers lining out. Cap waves to the doorman as they make their way up to their room. Before she can put the key in the lock, Ethan gently places a hand on her wrist. She looks up, and he has a gentle look in his eyes.</p><p>"Thank you, Captain."</p><p>She shrugs, "It's no problem, Eth. Happy to help."</p><p>He purses his lips, then pulls his hand away. He grins, "Careful. That helpful nature might get you into trouble."</p><p>"Hey. It found you, didn't it?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: Sexual content, very light violence</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:( oh no</p><p>A couple images of my cap <a href="https://5un5yst.tumblr.com/post/618862900676788224/i-drew-my-captain-of-security-shes-22-bisexual">here</a> and <a href="https://5un5yst.tumblr.com/post/621125380467720192/cap-n-carmina?is_related_post=1">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A gentle warmth coaxes Cap awake, pulling her out of her dreams. A body presses against her back, hands roaming over her stomach. They cup Cap's chest, squeezing gently.</p><p>She fidgets, "Mickey, not right now - "</p><p>A mouth presses to the back of her neck, "Ethan's not here," Mickey mutters.</p><p>"So where'd he go?"</p><p>"Armory. Said somethin' about a bow, then breakfast," She kisses the back of Cap's neck.</p><p>Remembering how badly things almost got the last time they went to the armory, she fidgets again, "He shouldn't be out there alone."</p><p>"He's a big boy, he'll be fine."</p><p>That did little to ease Cap. She sits up, "I should - "</p><p>Mickey groans, "Cap, c'mon....You've been babysitting him all night."</p><p>"Well, he needs it," She tries not to sound so offended over Mickey calling it that. She wasn't babysitting. She was just making sure Ethan stayed out of trouble.</p><p>"Well<em> I</em> need you," Mickey throws an arm over her lap, "He already told me you guys ran into some Highwaymen. He's gonna lay low, shoot his stupid bow, and then he'll be back in an hour. With breakfast. He'll be fine."</p><p>Cap pauses, going over it in her head. Big Barbie should be there, and that Highwaymen from yesterday was promptly fired. She glances at her pack, seeing her bow is gone. <em>OK. Forgot he's armed. That's something, at least.</em> She looks down at Mickey, who sleepily blinks at her.</p><p>"Plus, you owe me," She holds up three fingers, "I'm calling one in."</p><p>Cap sighs, and lays back down, "OK, OK, you win," An evening without wouldn't kill her. Plus, she never got to finish when they shacked up at that abandoned gas station a few days back</p><p>Mickey chuckles, "I always win."</p><p>"Sorry, who fended off droves of Highwayman while she was in the valley, always escaping unscathed?"</p><p>"Shut up," Mickey presses her stomach back to Cap's back, and resumes touching her stomach and breasts. She tugs down the front of Cap's shirt, letting them loose, and pinches lightly at Cap's quickly pebbling nipples. Cap lets out a breathy sigh, pushing her chest into the touch. Mickey holds one breast gently, ghosting her hand down. She dips into the waistband of Cap's sleep pants. It pulls out another sigh from Cap, who pushes back into her lap.</p><p>Cap twists around, wrapping her arms around Mickey's shoulders and kissing her, mouth sour with sleep. Mickey grabs her hips, gently flipping her over onto her back, pressing her into the mattress and pulling the blanket over them, trapping the warmth of their sleepy bodies. Mickey's fingers glide back down her stomach, ducking between her legs, probing, pressing up. A soft moan leaves Cap's mouth.</p><p>"Oh, baby," Mickey says softly, leaning in and kissing up her neck, "You know I like those cute little sounds you make."</p><p>There's a deftness that follows Mickey's hands. Her talents were more subtle than most, picking locks and quick reloads were a few of them. More brazen were the ways she could take an item, such as a radio, or an engine, and pick it apart, only to rebuild it in record time. That's how Cap felt, sometimes, when Mickey touched her. Like she was a piece of tech, and the workings of Mickey's fingers undid her so.</p><p>And as Mickey worked her fingers inside of her, pressing her thumb against Cap's clit, sucking along her collar, Cap lets loose strings of small moans and muttered words, those same cute little sounds Mickey liked so much. It's not long before Cap reaches that peak, and pulls at the back of Mickey's sleep shirt in urgency. She moans out Mickey's name, swallowed down by a kiss, and Cap's mind blanks out, whiteness exploding from behind her eyes. Mickey doesn't stop her hand, guiding Cap through.</p><p>It's not until Cap's fingers dig into her sleeve does she relent, pulling them out. She raises her hand, pushing at Cap's lips with her fingers, and Cap invites them in with her tongue, licking up the salted slick. Mickey pulls her fingers back, threading them into Cap's hair and pulling her in for a kiss. Cap rolls over Mickey, settling over her hips, pushing her hands up under her shirt -</p><p>There's a knock at the door. It's loud, and urgent.</p><p>Cap breaks, and Mickey's grin falls into an irritated expression.</p><p>"Open the door!" Ethan calls out.</p><p>"Occupied!" Mickey calls back, "Come back in an hour!" She pulls Cap down for another kiss.</p><p>But Cap pulls back, pulling her shirt back up. Mickey groans unhappily, letting Cap go and falling limp into the bed. Cap awkwardly shuffles to the door, unlocking it. She grins as she opens the door, "How was the range this morning - " Her grins plummets. Ethan's clothes are dirty, and she notices a rip in the sleeve. His rucksack is gone, so's her bow. Worst of all, he sports a black eye, and a swollen lip.</p><p>Cap's horrified stare only irritates him, and he pushes through the door. Mickey sits up from the bed, and her eyes widen, "What the Hell happened to you?"</p><p>"Nothing," He spits out, going straight for his pack.</p><p>"Get robbed?"</p><p>"<em>Fuck off</em>," He kneels down, digging through his herbal kit.</p><p>Cap makes a zip it motion with her fingers to Mickey, who shrugs in response, and throws the covers off and swings her legs over the bed. Cap goes to Ethan, putting a hand on his shoulder, "What happened?" She asks, gently. She gets no response, and Ethan shrugs her hand off. She pulls her hand back, but doesn't move away, "Where's my bow?"</p><p>He inhales sharply, not looking at her, "Highwaymen took it."</p><p>Worry quickly evolves into rage, "That same guy from yesterday?" When she gets no response, she grabs the back of his shirt, hauling him up. He makes a loud sound of protest, but she sits him on the bed, and he doesn't try to stand up. In his hands, he's got a large salve jar with yellow flower petals inside, "Who? And where?" She asks him. He only stares her down. He won't talk if he doesn't want to, as he can be quite the stubborn mule when he needs to be.</p><p>So, Cap plays the patience game. She usually did with him. Not that she minded that much, she knew the importance of people being ready to share, than trying to force it out. This was a hit to Ethan's pride, just as it was to his body. She grips his shoulder tight, then lets go, taking the salve from his hand. Arnica salve, perfect to reduce bruising and swelling. She sits down next to him, and dips two fingers into jar, applying the cold gel to his eye. Her mind races with worry, and anger, but it won't help her at the moment, so she tamps it all down.</p><p>Ethan is quiet as she tends to his wounds, but there's an angry shake in his shoulders, and he winces as the gel touches him. When she's done, she places the salve back into his hands. She goes into her own pack, bringing out a little sewing kit. She moves to Ethan's other side, silently patching up his ripped shirt. When she finishes, she snaps off the edge of the string with her teeth, and gently smooths her hand over the spot. Ethan moves his hand to her knee, squeezing.</p><p>"What happened?" She asks him again.</p><p>He takes a deep breath, "I was walking to the armory, and they stopped me a street away. Before I could say anything, they swarmed me. They took your bow, the few scraps I had for breakfast," He clenches his teeth, "My gun."</p><p>Cap takes a sharp breath, "Same guy from the armory?</p><p>"Him, some other people. After they beat me, he told me that Donnie said hello."</p><p>Cap clicks her tongue, making a decision in an instant, "Well. Looks like we'll have to see what warranted a big ol' greeting like that, huh?" She stands up, putting on her clothes. She tosses Mickey the new optic and ammo she had purchased the night before, "Get ready."</p><p>Mickey grins half - heartedly, "Wasn't the whole idea of being here to keep a low profile? So that I don't get spotted?"</p><p>"Yeah. Was. I'm not asking you to fight, just watch my back," She flashes her bare palm, "I don't even think we'll have to use guns."</p><p>Ethan looks at her like she's grown a second head, "Are you insane?"</p><p>"Yes," Cap says, checking her pistol, then grabbing her shotgun, "But I have a feeling Donnie didn't send those guys after you. They had their little vendetta, and took your shit. Now we're gonna get it back. Fuck the scrap, they've got your gun, and my bow."</p><p>Mickey quickly screws in her new optic, "And you fuck with one of us," She stands, pulling her beanie low, and pulling a faded bandana over her nose and mouth, "You fuck with all of us."</p><p>"I thought you didn't like me?" Ethan says, his unswollen eye narrowing.</p><p>"This doesn't make us friends," Mickey says, "But if we don't have each other's backs, what good is travelling together?"</p><p>Cap pulls on her hat, dipping her chin at him, "C'mon, let's go, you're comin' with."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Well, first of all, I need you to ID who beat you up. Then, I want you to watch as I rip all their heads off."</p><p>He sighs, "Captain - "</p><p>"OK, we won't kill them. But I think it's fair to give them a few shiners in return, don't you think?"</p><p>He's quiet, for a moment, and then nods, "I think that's plenty fair."</p><p>Cap grins. One thing she liked about Mickey and Ethan, they could both be petty and mean at the rightest of times. She points a finger to his chest, "Nobody fucks with my friends and gets away with it."</p><p>They strap up, and head off. On the way, Cap speaks to Mickey, "How much you know about Donnie?"</p><p>Mickey shrugs, "Mom used to run the place, a woman of the cause. Then she died, and the torch was passed to him. He tries to keep everyone in line, but he's young, our age, and a little mousy. Big Barbie is his aunt, actually. Probably one of the reasons Bucket Valley has been independent for this long. Having family in the cause."</p><p>"I heard them arguing when me and Ethan were there. Sounded like he doesn't have much power over his men."</p><p>"Yeah, he's not that great a leader. Doesn't have the skills for it. Highwaymen don't respect him, but they respect his mom. One of the only reasons he hasn't been murdered for his position."</p><p>There's new guards outside the armory, and Cap is stopped by them, "We need to see Big Barbie," She says.</p><p>"About?"</p><p>"An issue from an unhappy customer."</p><p>The guards murmur, then one disappears. He reappears a few minutes later with Barbie in tow.</p><p>"I'm surprised to see you back," She says with a frown, "Is there something wrong with the gear I've given you?"</p><p>Cap nods her head to Ethan, "My friend was on his way here to practice his bow work when he got stopped by the same guards from yesterday. They beat and robbed him."</p><p>The frown on Barbie's face creases deeper, darting to Ethan. She closes her eyes, and sighs, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, son," She says.</p><p>"We want to speak to Donnie about his crew," Cap says, "And given that you're his aunt, I'd bet all my money on you being able to get us an audience with him."</p><p>She's quiet, for a moment, then nods, "I can do that," She says, "But I have to watch the shop. Can't come with you, love."</p><p>"Just point us in the right direction."</p><p>Barbie calls over one of the guards, "Help these young folks to my nephew, tell them I sent them," She says. Without issue, he nods, and motions for the group to follow.</p><p>As they do, Cap turns to Mickey, keeping her voice low, "How's Donnie as a person?"</p><p>"Like I said, mousy, doesn't like confrontation. He can handle his own, of course, but he's more a diplomat than a warlord. Kinda a pussy," She huffs, "Me n' Lou used to bully the shit outta him."</p><p>"Think we'll have to fight?"</p><p>"Not him. We find those guys who robbed our Eden here, then maybe, but Donnie handles things real differently around here."</p><p>Cap looks back at Ethan, "Think you can ID all those guys, even?"</p><p>He nods, "I can."</p><p>They walk outside of town. There's nothing but silence for a quarter of a mile, then they smell fire, and exhaust. There's big tents and haphazardly build wooden shacks, lined with metal plates in a big, graffiti - covered shantytown. She feels Mickey bristle by her side, and instinctually hugs herself closer.</p><p>A guard on duty stops them, "Yo, Jackson, what's all this?"</p><p>"Got business with Donnie. Big Barbie sent 'em herself."</p><p>The guard waves them to pass. Inside, guards and cars and feral dogs crowded the area. People are drinking, taking pot - shots at the sides of the shacks, the bottles they empty, and each other.</p><p>"Just be cool," Mickey whispers to Ethan.</p><p>"I'll be fine, you just focus on everyone around."</p><p>"Well, you don't have any fuckin' magic apples to hand us this time, so stick close, and don't look anybody in the eye."</p><p>They're led forward, and in the center of the shantytown, there's the unmistakable remnants of an old church, repurposed as a home base for the Highwaymen.</p><p>"I remember this place," Ethan mutters, "My mother used to bring me here. To pray," He grits his teeth, "Fucking locust."</p><p>Inside, there's miscellaneous furniture decorating the place. Cots, tables, weapon lockers, all thrown haphazardly around. It's completely empty of people, save one man who looms over a few maps on a table in the center of the church. He picks his head up, frowning.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"Your aunt sent these guys here. They've got a complaint."</p><p>Donnie moves out from behind the table, "Must be some complaint to wander into our camp," He says, pacing closer, "Not even the oldest of the townsfolk are bold enough to come here," Still pale, he had coily hair, and freckles. There was a large scar that crawled up his lip and cheek. He was cute, if Cap wanted to be honest. He furrowed his brows at the group, "What's your complaint?"</p><p>Cap stands tall, crossing her arms. Donnie was around the same height as Ethan, give or take a few inches, and she has to tilt her head up to look at him, "Some of your crew beat my friend up. They took his things. I want them back."</p><p>Donnie looks surprised, "That's horrible. Who was it?"</p><p>"Don't know his name, but we had problems with him when we went to the armory last night. Think he was the reason you got called to there in the first place."</p><p>His brows furrow, then raise, "Oh. Right, you were there when me and my aunt were talking."</p><p>She nods, "What's going on with you or your aunt is none of my business. I'm concerned with my crew, and I want the names of the guys who targeted my friend here," She jerks her head to Ethan.</p><p>Donnie nods, "Sorry to hear it," He says, and it surprised Cap, because he says it so honestly, "I'm trying to turn over a new leaf here, and some of the men don't agree with it. They've been taking it out on the local townspeople."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Mickey asks, voice low to mask her regular tone.</p><p>"Well, the Twins were taken out somewhere in Montana, and everyone has been scrambling for some scrap of power they might've left behind. Everyone, except for me," He sighs, "Bucket Valley could be a nice place, if the Highwaymen behave. I've been trying to turn our chapter into a mercenary company, focusing on protecting the town from raiders, irradiated animals, things like that, trying to work with the town instead of just leeching off of it. But nobody is taking to it."</p><p>Cap nods, "Sounds like you've got a lot of work ahead of you."</p><p>"It is, but one thing they've held up so far is their code of honor. Most of them, anyway. The guy you're looking for is named Rat. He's got a small crew he rolls with. You can find them in the Cloudy Glass, one of the bars at the edge of town."</p><p>"Thanks -  " She stops herself, "Wait. Why are you helping us find them?"</p><p>"Rat and his crew have had it coming for a long time. I'm trying to uphold our values, but they still want to act like goons and thugs with bad attitudes," He says, "If you can go and teach him a lesson, I'd be real thankful. I'd even make it worth your while."</p><p>She glances back at Mickey, who shrugs, "Hey, we take back what's ours, and get paid for it, too. Sounds like a good deal."</p><p>She looks back at Donnie, "Sure."</p><p>"Great. And..." He looks at Ethan, "I'm very sorry this happened to you."</p><p>Ethan points to his eye, "Sorry won't make this go away."</p><p>Donnie nods, "Of course it won't. But I'm sorry either way."</p><p>"Well....Good," Ethan stutters out, crossing his arms.</p><p>With a slightly pained expression, Cap extends her hand out, "Thanks for the information," She says.</p><p>Donnie takes her hand, shaking it, "I hope our paths cross in a more pleasant way next time," He puts a little friendliness in his grin. Cap pulls her hand back, narrowing her eyes. She was usually very good at picking out insincereness in people, but she didn't get a read of it from the man. She excuses the group, and starts walking.</p><p>"Seemed liked a reasonable man," Ethan says.</p><p>"Too fuckin' reasonable," Mickey says, "And he's a fuckin' fool for thinking any of the guys here are going to follow his idea of turning the Highwaymen into some force for good."</p><p>"Least he's tryin'," Cap mutters, keeping her gaze straight and leading the group out. They leave the shantytown without issue, and hike back to the town, "He always that nice?"</p><p>"Yeah. Don't know how he's alive after all this time. Mistake to put him in charge. He's more fitted for a...." She waves a hand, "Second in command position. Couldn't rally a group if he tried. You notice how everyone calls him Donnie? No title, no tough nickname, not even a boss at the front."</p><p>Cap hums. Donnie was different than any Highwaymen she'd ever met. Even the nicer ones, like Gina Guerra or Irwin Smalls, were still brash and hardened. Donnie seemed to have almost a softness to him, "You know where the Cloudy Glass is?"</p><p>"Yeah. Little dive on the edge of town. Basically owned by the Highwaymen, so won't be a lot of townies there," She fixes the gun slung over her shoulder, "What's the plan?"</p><p>"We go in, find Rat and his squad, beat the daylights out of them, and take our stuff back."</p><p>"Sounds simple enough. Need us in there with you?"</p><p>"Only as witnesses," She turns back to look at Ethan, throwing him a grin.</p><p>The Cloudy Glass is a shitty little shack made of petrified wood and scrap metal. Loud music blares from inside, so deafening they can hear it from a few feet away. The front doorway is open, with a big, broad man standing guard.</p><p>Cap turns, "Just follow my lead," She says to her friends, approaching the guard.</p><p>He's got a helmet on, and he stares her down, "You ain't Highwaymen."</p><p>"We aren't," She says, "You gonna let us in or what?"</p><p>"You packin'?"</p><p>"That gonna be a problem?"</p><p>The guard huffs a laugh, then slides over, "Try not to get blood everywhere. Owner makes me clean it up."</p><p>The inside of the bar is dimly lit. It's crowded with people, mainly Highwaymen, and some tough - riders looking for cheap drinks and fights. There's broken glass on the floor, strange stains, and people passed out in corners.</p><p>"How are we supposed to find Rat in this crowd?" Ethan yells into Cap's ear.</p><p>She looks around, and sees, in the back of the bar, a stage. Big speakers were hooked up, set up on tables, blaring the music. She yells at her friends to stick by the wall, and pushes through the crowd, bumping people out of the way, ignoring protests and complaints. She climbs up onto the stage, her head pounding from being near the music. She rounds the tables, and pulls the cords out from the speakers, cutting the music off.</p><p>The whole room pauses, then every face focuses on her. They start jeering at her. She stands up on one of the tables, cords dangling in one hand, shotgun toted in the other, "I'm looking for Rat and his crew. I was told they'd be here," She yells out, "He owes me, and I've come to fuckin' collect."</p><p>Some of the crowd still jeers, while others look to the bar, motioning. She watches someone go over to the bar, and shake the shoulder of someone sitting at it. The man turns. Cap could remember his outfit clearly, and recognizes it immediately as Rat. He's got his helmet off, revealing scrunched, and small features, almost like a mouse's.</p><p>She points, "You. Get the fuck over here."</p><p>He sneers, then pushes up from his seat, and steers through the crowd, "Kiddo, you've got some nerve comin' here in my domain," He hops up onto the stage. Standing, he was the same height as her, and very clearly, he's got her bow over his shoulder.</p><p>Cap hops down from the table, throwing the cords down, and grabbing the front of his motocross armor. She pulls a fist back.</p><p>"Hey!" The barkeep yells. She pauses, turns. The barkeep has hopped up onto the stage, too and he shakes his head, "I've put a ban on fighting after the last crew broke four tables. You're gonna do it my way, you wanna fight in here," He says.</p><p>"What's your way, then?" Cap asks, annoyed, but curious.</p><p>Rat groans, "C'mon, man, not the fuckin' - "</p><p>"Shut it, Rat. You wanna pick fights with people, then never deal with the consequences, and I'm tired of replacing chairs because someone is busy breaking them over your head," He looks back to Cap, "Arm wrestling."</p><p>She raises an eyebrow, "You're serious?"</p><p>"Serious as a heart attack," He says, "His crew versus yours."</p><p>Rat huffs, "She ain't gonna beat me - "</p><p>"You sure hope I won't," Cap pushes him, "I'm game. I win, you give me my shit back."</p><p>"And if I win?"</p><p>"You keep it all."</p><p>"Not good enough," He crosses his arms.</p><p>"OK, sure. If you win, you get to keep my shit, and I give you all the scrap I have," She'll promise him anything, because she knows that the loss would never come.</p><p>He huffs, rolls his eyes, but the crowd jeers at him, "C'mon, Rat! Don't be a pussy!" One yells. He turns to the crowd.</p><p>"You want me to show this kid how we do it in Bucket Valley?" He yells out.</p><p>"No, we want to see her beat your ass!" Someone else says, earning a roar of laughter.</p><p>His cheeks turn red, and he turns to Cap, "Deal. You got a crew?"</p><p>"No," Cap turns her hat around, "Just me."</p><p>"Yeah," He huffs, "Expected that, since your other guy wasn't much of a fighter."</p><p>She tilts her head up, "At least I can handle my own. C'mon, thought you were Highwaymen. What sort of thug needs a group to handle one guy?"</p><p>There's more jeering at Rat, and his neck goes red. His crew joins him on the stage, four of them. The barkeep moves the speakers and the tables into the back of the stage, mumbling as he plugs them back in, turning the music back on, but lower. He sets up a table in the middle, with two chairs on either side.</p><p>"There's only one rule," The barkeep says, "Keep your elbows on the table. Everything else is free game."</p><p>Cap slides into one seat, lounging, as one of Rat's crew sits down on the opposite side. She glances into the crowd, seeing Ethan and Mickey right up by the stage, watching. She winks at them, and takes off her gloves, placing them down. The Gift was branded to her left palm, but she was a righty, and keeps her left hand face down on the table. She leans forward, placing her elbow down and extending her palm.</p><p>Cap's opponent grips her hand tight, their eyes meeting. She grins at him as the barkeep holds their fists together. A song ends, and another <a href="https://youtu.be/odBpBp3j1tI">starts</a>.</p><p>As soon as the barkeep releases their shared grip, <em>whap</em>, Cap's hand slams down her opponent's. His eyes pop, and she smirks, pulling her hand back. The crowd laughs, and claps.</p><p>"Next," She says.</p><p>The opponent slides out, and a second slides in. The same as before, they set up, the barkeep releases them, and, again, <em>whap</em>, the second's hand is slammed down by Cap's. No resistance. The crowd cheers, and she can't tell if it's because they're entertained, or if they hate Rat and his crew so much, they needed to see them knocked down a peg. He rips his hand away, pushing out from his chair. Cap isn't worried, just leans back, and raises an eyebrow.</p><p>"I'm not even breaking a sweat here," She says, then adds snarkily, "I bet I'm a little tougher than your usual marks, huh?"</p><p>The second is pulled away by the rest of his crew, a third sitting down. He's a little bigger than the others, but not by much. They set up, and the barkeep calls it. Cap pushes. There's some resistance, but not much, and the other's hand is down in a few seconds. The crowd taunts and cheers, and she pulls back, blowing hair out of her face.</p><p>"Wanna give up now?" She asks.</p><p>The fourth plops down. She's not big, but she's got a lot of muscle. They join hands. Cap's eyes wander to the woman's other hand, seeing her grip the edge of the table. Cap squares her shoulders, bracing herself. The barkeep lets go, and the woman stands, as does Cap. This one puts up much more of a fight, and it takes Cap ten seconds to beat her, finally slamming her arm down. The crowd roars, having expected the other to win. Cap flexes her hand, smiling.</p><p>"Nothin' but a bunch of wimps," She spits.</p><p>The woman leans over the table, "Say it again - " She's pulled back by her crew, who grumbled to her about how Rat would take care of it.</p><p>Cap new better than to think taking on Rat would be easy. He had a slim build, but she knew he probably had a few dirty tricks up his sleeve. She glances at the mark in her palm, gently rubbing her middle and ring finger against it. Rat smiles at he sits down.</p><p>"Ready to say goodbye to your scrap?" He says.</p><p>"Depends, you ready to say goodbye to your pride?"</p><p>He sneers, and the barkeep places his hands over theirs. Her eyes catch the flick of Rat's hand on his belt. Before the barkeep pulls his hands away, she presses on her mark. White hotness streams within her blood, a golden vignette filtering her vision. Rat stands, and she sees the glint of a knife. She grips his hand, tight, and slams it down on the table, cracking the wood. Rat lets out a loud yell, but still swings the knife out. Cap catches his wrist, bending it back, forcing him to drop it. She releases her hand from his, grabbing the front of his armor, and hoisting him up. He dangles, holding his arm. His wrist was bent in a painful way.</p><p>"I win," She says. Her voice sounds so loud in her ears when she used the Gift.</p><p>He groans, "What the fuck are you using?"</p><p>"Ain't a drug," She says with a shrug, "Just natural talent," She tosses him back, and he lands hard on his side, letting out a grunt of pain. His crew starts to try and collect him, but Cap steps forward quick, and they disperse. He starts to crawl off, but she presses her boot to his ankle, holding him. She looks down at him, then kneels slow, as the song fades out, "You better think twice about who you fuck with next time. They might not be as nice as me."</p><p>She strips him of a bag that hung from his belt, filled with scrap, and her bow. She tosses the bag to the barkeep, who was standing a safe distance away, then looks at the rest of Rat's crew.</p><p>"Ya'll took a gun from my friend. It's his first one, so it's got a real special place in his heart. It's in your best fuckin' interest to return it to me," She tilts her head, "Unless the rest of you want a couple broken wrists, too."</p><p>The woman steps forward, speaking quickly with her hands out, "We don't have it, Rat took it back to his place."</p><p>"Fuckin' traitors!" Rat yells from the floor. Cap presses her boot harder, and he yells out in pain.</p><p>"Where's his place?"</p><p>"Back at our encampment," She says, "Outside of town. Big shantytown, big tents, can't miss it. He's got a cot and a locker inside the old church."</p><p>Cap turns her hat back around, nodding and tipping the brim, "Thanks," She steps off of Rat's ankle. He started to crawl away, and Cap let him. She was just looking to punish, not kill. She looks down at the crowd that had gathered, and bows. There's no celebratory sound of cheering, just silence.</p><p>Realizing that this was their cue to skedaddle the fuck out, she hops down from the stage, beelining out, Ethan and Mickey following. Nobody else does.</p><p>As they walk back outside the city limits, Cap leading by almost a few yards, her Gift giving her a speed boost, Mickey is hooping and hollering, "That's what I'm fuckin' <em>talkin</em>' about!"</p><p>Cap smiles, "Broken wrist is a perfect punishment. Used his dominant hand, too. Won't be jerking off with that one for a while."</p><p>Ethan exhales, "You're quite the showboat."</p><p>"Yeah. I get that way when I'm pissed," She smiles at him.</p><p>"I thought you'd go a little farther than just breaking his wrist. He did <em>try</em> to stab you."</p><p>"Psh, <em>nah</em>. It'd be too much work to kill him, and we'd draw way more heat. Yeah, somethin' small will remind him he's not so tough."</p><p>"I don't think I'd have that sort of restraint," He says.</p><p>Remembering how the Gift had turned Ethan into a fifteen foot tall hunk of anger, Cap nods, "Well, good thing I've got it, right?"</p><p>"Let's not stay too long," Mickey says, "Much as I wanna raid his place, we shouldn't dwell with this many Highwaymen around."</p><p>They get stopped by the lookout. Cap tells him they're there to update Donnie on their problem, and he lets them pass. They head right for the church. Donnie is still there, studying papers and maps. He picks his head up.</p><p>"Oh. I didn't expect you to return so soon."</p><p>"I'm a thorough woman," Cap says, "Beat Rat in an arm wrestling game and won our stuff back. Won't be causing trouble for a while, until that wrist of his heals. Where's his cot?" Donnie points to a small footlocker and a raised cot in the corner. She goes straight for it. It's locked, and she rips the lock right off, popping it open. There's miscellaneous items, spare parts and armor and dirty magazines, but all that matters to Cap is the scuffed rucksack with Ethan's things inside. She grabs it, holding it up.</p><p>Ethan lets out a soft sound of triumph, taking it, "Good to see this again," He quickly digs through, "Everything is still here."</p><p>"We're lucky he didn't sell anything," Mickey comments, "Anything good?"</p><p>"Just junk and porn," Cap closes the locker, standing, "Looks like we're done here."</p><p>"Not yet," Donnie says, "I still need to pay you for the lesson you taught Rat."</p><p>Cap is ready to accept the reward, but stops. She looks at him, and crosses her arms, "I've got a question, actually, before you do."</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>"If Rat was such a problem, why not take care of him yourself? Seems like more of an inconvenience than a problem. Shouldn't have been hard to ask a few of your men to take care of him."</p><p>He stares, lips pursed. He leans against the table, crossing his arms, "I'm....adverse to fighting."</p><p>She blinks, "Sorry?"</p><p>"If I could talk it out, I would, but....Rat doesn't listen. I needed someone who wasn't a Highwaymen to do it, because it would humble him a little more, and the townsfolk are a little more levelheaded than any of my men. If I asked someone here, they would've killed him, probably."</p><p>Mickey exhales, "Never thought I'd see the day. A Highwaymen, scared to fight."</p><p>Cap's head snaps to her. She shakes her head, but Mickey isn't looking at her, she's looking at Donnie.</p><p>"I'm not scared," Donnie bites, "I just prefer to solve things in other ways."</p><p>She shrugs, "Must be a great privilege to sit around while everyone is fighting around you."</p><p>"I don't sit around," He says, "I'm constantly at odds with my men, and the town. I try to keep the peace, but everyone's blood is bad. And now that the Twins are gone, it's much harder. I'm losing people to desertion, other chapters. Those who stay, only stay because they like the comfortable life close to civilization, not because they want to help people," He takes a deep breath, "I feel like I'm wasting my time."</p><p>"Because you are," Mickey says, "Highwaymen won't change. I still wonder when you're gonna learn that."</p><p>Donnie pauses. His eyes narrow, "Sorry, have we met?"</p><p>She shakes her head, "Never met you before," she says.</p><p>Cap straightens her shoulders. <em>Goddamnit!</em></p><p>He pushes himself from the table, stepping closer, "You sure?"</p><p>"Positive."</p><p>"What's your name?"</p><p>"Molly."</p><p>"What's the bandana for?"</p><p>"What's with the twenty questions?"</p><p>Cap steps between them, Donnie nearly stepping into her. He looks down at her, and she meets his eye, "She doesn't know you," She says.</p><p>His eyes dance between her, Mickey, and back again. He nods his head, stepping back, "My bad, then. Thought you sounded familiar."</p><p>"Well, she's not," Cap says, "I think I'll take that reward now."</p><p>Donnie grabs them two pounds of pistol ammo, placing them down on the table. Cap thanks him one last time, then they hurry out.</p><p>"<em>Shit</em>," Mickey hisses out as soon as they're a few yards away from the shantytown.</p><p>"What, didn't think he'd recognize you?" Ethan says, "You're wearing the same armor and blue color, for God's sake - "</p><p>"It's fine," Cap says before the other can argue, "We're leaving tonight."</p><p>"We still have a day at the motel."</p><p>"Doesn't matter," Mickey says, "We just need to get our shit and go....Goddamnit."</p><p>"Hey," Cap says, "It's fine. We'll grab everything, and start walkin', no problem. Any other business before we go?"</p><p>"Fuck no," Mickey says.</p><p>A pause from Ethan, "No."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>The speed walk back is quiet, is tense. They rush up the stairs of the motel, quickly packing their things.</p><p>"Should we meet with Stevie about a vehicle?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"No. We'll just have to walk," Cap says.</p><p>"We could try to hitch a ride on a caravan," Ethan offers, "Whoever's going East."</p><p>"If we meet anybody," Mickeys says, "But we should avoid the main roads when we can. Highwaymen stroll those lanes, and if that caravan gets stopped and raided, we'll be in trouble."</p><p>They quickly gather all their things, the now lighter, rusty sled with their scrap included. Cap gives the man in the lobby their key, saying that they were checking out early. They then go to the kennel, retrieving Timber.</p><p>"Everyone's got everything?" Cap asks. The other two murmur their <em>yeses</em>, but Ethan's yes it a bit strained. She nods her head at him, "Somethin' wrong, Eth?"</p><p>He relents, "Will it be a problem if we go to Maryann and Marvin's? I would like to say goodbye...And to my mother's grave, too."</p><p>"No problem with me," Cap looks at Mickey, "You?"</p><p>"No. But let's try and keep it short."</p><p>They cross town to the twins' house. The lights are on, and Cap and Mickey wait by the front yard as Ethan knocks on the door. Marvin answers, looks down at Ethan, and invites him inside. Mickey leans against a fence post, arms and legs crossed, staring at the ground.</p><p>"You OK?" Cap asks her.</p><p>"You know," Mickey says, "I've been trying to keep it a low profile, but I think with all the Highwaymen around, I let it go to my head."</p><p>"Hard to fight an energy."</p><p>"Yeah. Should've known better."</p><p>Cap shrugs, "Hey. It happens. These were your people. People always get drawn back to what's familiar, and you're no exception."</p><p>There's a few minutes of silence, then Ethan comes back out. Maryann and Marvin crowd the doorway, waving at the crew. Cap waves back, but when Ethan is close, turns to him.</p><p>"You good?"</p><p>He nods, "I'm....I'm good," He fixes his pack, "What are the chances of coming back here?"</p><p>"Not great, but we'll be gone for a while. Long as we avoid the Highwaymen, I think it'd be fine."</p><p>Before they go, they stop at a night market, grabbing some more dry goods for the journey. Cap splurges on some jam preserves, and they're off. They duck around any Highwaymen they meet, not knowing if Donnie put the word out about Mickey yet. They sneak out of town, towards Megan's bunker. Ethan picks a few wildflowers, and walks to her grave. Mickey and Cap hang back, onlooking as he kneels down in the grass, in the dark.</p><p>Noticing an almost wistful look to Mickey, who had pulled off her hat and bandana, Cap shoulders her softly, "Feeling bad for him?"</p><p>"I guess," Mickey says. She shrugs, arms crossing, "Got me thinking, though."</p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"Showing up to Michigan, and my mom isn't there."</p><p>"Like....gone...?"</p><p>"Dead, Cap. What if we show up, and she's dead?"</p><p>"What do you think you'd do?"</p><p>She shakes her head, voice dropping, "I don't know," She inhales sharply, "Pops would always keep tabs on her, but when he got sick..." She shifts, "Lou and I got busy. Too busy for her. I tried, y'know, had a runner who'd go every month. Then every month turned to every few months. Then I just...Forgot. Got too busy. Then he died, and we found ourselves at the top. There wasn't room for anybody but us up there. Lou made sure it stayed that way," She rolls a tongue over her teeth, "Yeah...I think Lou was destroying the letters I sent her."</p><p>"That's awful."</p><p>"Yeah, well, she was right to do it. I didn't need the distraction. It made me stronger."</p><p>"It sounds more like isolation to me."</p><p>"That was the point. We didn't need anybody besides each other."</p><p>Their chat is cut off by Ethan, who walks back up, eyes a little wetter, "OK, I'm done."</p><p>"Finally," Mickey says, picking up her things and taking out Bean's compass and maps, "Let's get moving. We've wasted half the night defending your honor," They start to walk, heading East.</p><p>Ethan huffs, "Oh, it wasn't like I was going to thank you or anything," He says with biting sarcasm.</p><p>"Good. Because I would've ended up asking you for a favor."</p><p>"You and these favors," He waves a hand, "What's the point of them?"</p><p>"They make me feel better," She says, "And I learned from a young age; Never do work for free."</p><p>They walk, and as they do, Cap can feel the high of the Gift wear off. It always made her feel sluggish afterwards. Mickey takes point, while she and Ethan take the back, walking in tandem.</p><p>"Hey," He says.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"I never thanked you for what you did. Showing me how to shoot."</p><p>"Wasn't a big deal," She says, "Someone shoulda' taught you. How're you supposed to survive if you can't fight? Kinda foolish if you ask me."</p><p>"Yeah. That's my father. Foolish."</p><p>"Sure was," She bumps his shoulder, "Hey. You want me to teach you to fight with your fists?"</p><p>He sucks in air through his teeth, "I don't know how great of a fighter I'd be. I'm not that strong."</p><p>"Don't gotta be strong. Just smart. Plus I'll teach you more how to take a blow than deliver it."</p><p>He touches his still swollen lip, "Could've used those skills a few hours ago."</p><p>"I mean....I don't know how handy my skills will be against, like, <em>five</em> people, but they're good for one - on - ones."</p><p>"Maybe I could take a look at your shotgun next time."</p><p>"I could do that, sure. Careful, though, it's got a whole lotta kick," She looks forward, at Mickey, "How about it, Mickey? Think he's ready for a rifle?"</p><p>"I think," She turns around, walking backwards, "He needs a little more practice before he can handle my baby."</p><p>Cap snorts, "Your baby?"</p><p>"Yeah. I built this rifle from scratch, and I'm not letting some newbie handle it until he can hold a gun without his - " She slows, staring off behind the two, but doesn't stop walking.</p><p>Ethan stops, "What?"</p><p>Cap meets her eyes. She jerks her chin forward, tucking away her maps, and holding up an uzi she had strapped to her hip. Cap taps his shoulder, "Stay close, someone's following. Keep walking," She says. He nods, and keeps going, "What'd you see, Mickey?"</p><p>"Too dark, but it was a person, alright."</p><p>They keep walking, and soon enough, Cap hears it, too. Underneath the sounds of their own steps, footfalls a few yards back, breaking twigs on the ground and rustling leaves. It's much too quiet, but Cap can pick it out if she concentrates. She looks up again, meeting Mickey's eye. She motions to Timber, who trots between, on alert, like the rest of them were. Mickey nods, pointing behind.</p><p>Cap snaps her fingers, "Timber, search," Timber sniffs at the ground, then runs off into the trees. They pause for a moment, staring at the direction he'd run off into.</p><p>They hear a yell, and then Timber barking, and then fabric ripping.</p><p>Cap drops her pack, wielding her shotgun and running through the trees, following the barking. She wondered who it could be. Rat? Some other Highwaymen sent to take care of Mickey? Just a stalker, looking for easy marks, hoping to slit their throats in their sleep? Cap pushes through bushes, getting closer to the barking. Timber has a man pinned down, ripping into his leg.</p><p>"Drop!" Cap yells. Timber peels back, but doesn't stop his barking. The man tries to scramble away, but Cap stomps down on the leg Timber had grabbed onto. The man yells out in pain, turning over.</p><p>"<em>Wait wait wait wait wait</em> - " He puts his hands up, and a sliver of moonlight passes over him. Cap's eyes narrow.</p><p>"Any reason a Highwaymen boss is out this late at night?" She points the barrel down. She should've just pulled the trigger, but something in her gut told her to stop, to listen.</p><p>Both Mickey and Ethan come bursting through the woods behind, "Fuck, you're fast," Mickey says, "You catch 'em?" Her eyebrows raise when she sees it's Donnie lying in the dirt, "Well.....Fuck."</p><p>He shakes his head, "It's not what it looks like," He stutters.</p><p>"Shut up," Cap shushes Timber, then leans down, "Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna stand up slow, and head back to your camp. You never saw her."</p><p>"Wait - "</p><p>"What Mickey's doing now is none of your concern, and it's over my dead fuckin' body you're gonna take her back to the Highwaymen, and I'm pretty hard to kill. So you better pick yourself up and go back to where you came from, if you want to go back at all."</p><p>"I'm not here to bring her back," He says, "I swear."</p><p>"Then you're here to kill her."</p><p>"No! No, no, no, I'm not - "</p><p>"How many else are out here?"</p><p>"Just me."</p><p>"Bullshit," Cap lowers herself more, "Now, where the fuck is everyone else?"</p><p>"Nobody is here. It's...It's just me, I swear."</p><p>"Say I believe you. What the fuck are you doing out here?"</p><p>He takes a deep breath, staring up at Cap, "I wanted to see if it was really her."</p><p>"Well," Mickey opens her arms, "You saw. Nice to see you again, Don. Now, you better fuck off back to your camp before the Captain here decides she's gonna blow your head off."</p><p>Cap pulls her gun away,  shouldering it. She takes her foot off his ankle, "You've got ten seconds."</p><p>"Wait wait wait -  " Donnie scrambles to his feet, wincing, holding his thigh, "You guys are going to Michigan."</p><p>"How the fuck do you know that?" Mickey spits.</p><p>"Only reason you'd be out this far - to see your mom," He brushes leaves from his hair, "You'll need me."</p><p>"For <em>what</em>?"</p><p>"You know as well as I do that you won't make it within twenty miles of the city without getting spotted."</p><p>"Fuck you - "</p><p>"You'll have my protection, that's what I'm offering. Highwaymen will see you, and they'll open fire on you, rob you, or recognize you and punish you for desertion. I don't want to see that happen, Mick."</p><p>"Don't fuckin' call me Mick. We were never friends, Donnie."</p><p>"We aren't, but - "</p><p>"You don't give a fuck about me," She gets in his face, chests almost touching, "Go home, Don. Before your crew realizes you're missing."</p><p>His mouth is a tight line, his inhales, "You want the truth?"</p><p>"I don't give a fuck, but sure, if it makes you feel better."</p><p>"I...I want out. Of the Highwaymen."</p><p>Mickey clicks her tongue, but doesn't speak, so Donnie continues, "I know what happened back in Montana. You and Lou lost control, and the folks there are fighting harder than ever. I want in on that."</p><p>"You fucking kidding me?"</p><p>"I'm sick of hurting people," He hisses out, "I'm sick of watching people get robbed and killed. I want to help, somewhere away from all this. You survived, and based on the crew you're rolling with," He extends a hand out, motioning to Cap, "It seems like you've paled up with some decent folk. You understand what I'm talking about. As hard as you act, you want the same thing I do. To just get on and be part of something constructive, something good. I always saw that in you, Mick, not like Lou - "</p><p>She pushes him. He skids in the dirt, "You don't know anything about me! Or my sister!" She bites, "You're just lookin' for a way to desert the Highwaymen without getting killed for it! You're a coward, nothing more, nothing less," She raises a boot to stomp down. In a split second, Cap is already behind her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her back.</p><p>"Easy!" She says.</p><p>"Let go of me!"</p><p>Cap moves her easily behind, almost throwing her. Mickey stumbles, but stands, glaring daggers at Cap. Cap turns to Donnie, "Get out of here."</p><p>But Donnie stands, and doesn't move, "I'm holding onto power by a thread with the Highwaymen," He says, voice tight, "My mom's respect is the only thing that I've got going for me. They'll kill me for the position, and they get more and more restless with every day that goes on. I've got no control. I have nothing."</p><p>Cap sighs through her nose, shaking her head, "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Please. This is my last chance," His voice drops, "I don't want to die," He says it with his chest, and it swells Cap's heart. She closes her eyes, <em>Goddamnit</em>. She opens them again, looking at Mickey, who immediately reads her, and just grows more angry.</p><p>"Fuck no!" She yells out, "We're not a pound, picking up strays! We've already got Ethan, and look how much of a help he is!"</p><p>"C'mon - "</p><p>"Absolutely not."</p><p>"What if he's right about the Highwaymen on the way?"</p><p>"Wake up, Cap! You've got sucker written all over your forehead! You can't help everybody you come across, it's not - " Mickey lets out a loud yell of frustration, rubbing her face. Her shoulders slacken, waving Cap off, "Y'know what? Whatever. Do what you want," She shoulders her gun, stomping back the direction they came.</p><p>"Mickey, c'mon - "</p><p>"No. You always do shit your way, so what the fuck is the point of me trying to change your mind?" She turns, pointing a finger, "But he's your responsibility. Whatever shit happens, it's on your fucking shoulders," She starts walking again. Cap starts to follow, but is stopped by a soft grip to her arm,</p><p>"Can I speak to you, Captain?" Ethan asks. He doesn't wait for an answer, dragging her a few feet away. He holds his hands to her shoulders, "I'm telling you right now, Captain, if we bring him with us it will be a mistake - "</p><p>"Ethan - "</p><p>"He's just looking to kill us in our sleep and rob us. "</p><p>"I don't think that's what he wants," She glances at Donnie from the corner of her eye. He's holding his thigh, focused on Timber, who's sitting patiently at his feet and staring at him.</p><p>"Captain, <em>think</em>. He's a <em>Highwaymen</em>."</p><p>"So was Mickey," She meets Ethan's eye staring hard, "And she's turned out fine."</p><p>"That's completely different."</p><p>"How? Besides her being injured. She wanted out, and I helped her. Now he wants out," She shrugs herself out from under Ethan's hands, "And I'm going to help him."</p><p>Ethan shakes his head, "This is going to be a mistake."</p><p>"And I'll deal with it when it is. It goes topside, you guys are free to blame me, but my gut tells me it won't be," She steps away, approaching Donnie. She puts her hands on her hips, "So," Cap says, "You help us get to Michigan, we help you disappear."</p><p>"That's all I'm asking for," Donnie points to a pack on the ground, "I've got my own supplies, and I can hold my own in a fight."</p><p>"It's not gonna be easy."</p><p>"I've been to Michigan plenty of times on business," He says, "I know how bad it can be."</p><p>Cap meets his eye, and he doesn't shy from her gaze, "But let's make it clear. I'm helping you out, but we aren't friends. Mickey doesn't trust you, so I won't, either."</p><p>He nods quick in agreement, "That's fine. Thank you, thank you."</p><p>She pats her thigh, "Timber, here," He trots over, rubbing his face to her legs, "How's the ankle?"</p><p>"Ripped the fabric, but I'll live. I don't think he dug in too deep."</p><p>"Great. We're walking, and we're only travelling at night. We camp out during the day," She extends her hand, "I'm Cap. Nice to meet you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i said i wasn't going to add a fourth to the group......whoops lol....</p><p>
  <a href="https://5un5yst.tumblr.com/post/622390930943721472/my-oc-for-a-fc5fcnd-ficdonnie-hes-from?is_related_post=1">Donnie</a>
</p><p>i SWEAR we're gonna get more of judge's journal in the next chapter i promise i PINKY swear.......and i also promise to put in ethan/cap bc i said i would but i havent yet skjljkfajk;fhlsjfhals sorry....</p><p>thanks for reading :)!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: graphic violence, sexual content</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>jacob's region rlly Pissed Me Off......i hate that bitch !</p><p>also i feel bad for just leaving the chapters unnamed. i want to do like, maybe songs as titles? but idk kjdhflfjhnwqp ill figure it out</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cap can feel the tension radiate from her crew. Donnie radiated nervousness, while Ethan was irritated, and Mickey, angry. But despite the spite pointed her way, Cap felt she made the right decision. Donnie could be a valuable asset on their journey, and he seemed like a decent guy, too. Hell, she's built partnerships on less. While Mickey took point with her maps and compass, Donnie trailed behind, Timber following, with Ethan and Cap taking up the rear. The entire time, Ethan fidgets with something in his pocket. It catches Cap's eye, and she softly bumps his shoulder as they walk, slipping her arm into his.</p><p>"What'd the twins say to you?"</p><p>"They wished me luck on my journey, that my mother would've been proud to see what I've become," He slips his hand out of his pocket, and in the low glow of the moon, Cap can see he's holding a photo. He holds it out for Cap to see. It's a photo of Megan, with a little boy in her arms. He's couldn't be older than five. It's clearly taken from the inside of their bunker. The two's cheeks smooshed together, the both of them smiling.</p><p>"That's a nice photo."</p><p>"Thank you. I remember when she took it. It spit the photo out as soon as it was taken."</p><p>"Film camera?"</p><p>"Mhm. It was a week before we were able to open the doors," He stares at it, then tucks it away, "Would you like to hear something interesting?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure."</p><p>"In New Eden, the use of images are banned. Photographs weren't allowed because they catalogued the mistakes of the old days. No paintings, either. Charcoal, dye....even a scribble in the dirt was considered risque."</p><p>"Weird....Why?"</p><p>"It's a sin to worship idols. Something physical has no meaning, when God is all around us. All of it, banned.....except for that painting of the Father in the main lodge. Everyone was fine with a world free of art and expression, so long as they could continue to worship the Father."</p><p>"Sounds like shit," Cap says, kicking a rock, "What about other art stuff? Music, writing?"</p><p>"Music was allowed, so long as it held the name of God. Same with writing. It either had to be about the bible, or the Father," He shrugs, "But I'd take holy hymns over some of the confusing nonsense the Highwaymen play. I can't believe any of that was considered music."</p><p>Cap grins, then tilts her head at him, "How's the eye?" She asks him.</p><p>"Hurts. I'll have to put more salve on it soon."</p><p>"I think this could use some, too," She points to his lip, "Ah, we'll worry about it when we stop," She looks forward, at Donnie. Though he insisted his leg was fine, we walked with an uneven gait. She slips her arm out from Ethan, then walks up to Donnie, matching his pace, "You OK?"</p><p>"Fine," He says.</p><p>"Your pace is awkward. I think Timber might've gotten you better than you think."</p><p>He shrugs, flexing his leg and cringing, "You might have a point."</p><p>"Adrenaline. Nature's painkiller," She looks at the sky. They've been walking so long, the sky had lightened up, signaling sunrise. She looks forward, speaking to Mickey's back, "We should break camp soon."</p><p>"Sure," Mickey says back, curt and short, "Let's find a decent clearing."</p><p>It takes a few more minutes of walking, but eventually, Ethan discovers a small opening in the trees, leading to a large - ish field of wildflowers and overgrown grass. In the center, there's a dirt patch. The crew get to piling rocks inside, placing dried leaves and twigs down. Cap lights it with steel and flint, then sets up her cooking wares.</p><p>"Who should take first watch?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"I'll do it," Cap says, piling in ingredients for the stew, "I've got some stuff to write down."</p><p>While dinner cooks, the rest set up camp. Mickey isolates herself a yard away from the rest, propping up a small tent. Cap sighs, feeling half guilty, half irritated. She lets the stew cook, then settles on a rock next to Donnie. He's peeled up his ripped jeans, showing off light teeth marks Timber dug into his calf, a few having drawn blood.</p><p>"Oof," Cap says, "Looks like Timbs got you good," She looks at Timber, who was currently curled up in Ethan's thigh.</p><p>"As ferocious as he is adorable," Donnie says with a small grin.</p><p>Cap grins back, then looks at Ethan, "Hey, Eth? You're our medic," She jerks her head to Donnie, "Why don't you take a look?"</p><p>Though visibly opposed to the idea and griping, Ethan moves closer, inspecting the leg. His eyebrows knit, "Doesn't look bad. You'll be fine," He grabs his water jug, pouring some out onto a cloth, and wiping away the blood that dried up. He reaches into his herbal kit, digging around.</p><p>"So," Donnie draws out, "You're a doctor?"</p><p>"No. I just picked up a few tricks from our resident physician back home."</p><p>"But he knows more than us, so that makes him a doctor," Timber had come over, curling up next to her, his head in her lap. Cap cups a hand over her mouth, "Right, Mickey?" She calls out.</p><p>"Yeah," She agrees, if weakly, from her place a few yards away.</p><p>He takes out a small pouch. He plucks a few small, white cloves from inside.</p><p>"What's that?" Donnie asks.</p><p>"Garlic. There's more to worry about in an animal bite than just rabies. Bacteria builds up, and can infect the wound," He reaches into the bottom of his pack, bringing out a small box, and opening it. Inside is a rock pestle and mortar. He peels some of the flaky skin from the garlic, tossing it, then grinds up the small pods into a fine paste, "Garlic has a natural antibacterial property to it."</p><p>"Huh. Didn't know that," Donnie says.</p><p>Ethan's mouth quirks, "Well, now you do."</p><p>"Show off," Cap says. Ethan sticks his tongue out at her, and she copies him. She watches as Ethan applies the paste to the wound, and Donnie's face twists, hissing out.</p><p>"Could've warned me about the sting," Donnie says tightly.</p><p>"I thought you Highwaymen were supposed to be tough?" Ethan mocks.</p><p>"Yeah. That's why I'm not in with 'em anymore. See?" He pinches his own cheeks, "I'm soft."</p><p>Ethan shakes his head, then applies a wrap. Cap notices the thoughtful gaze Donnie watches him with. When Ethan is done, he pulls away, back into his spot, "There. You'll be fine."</p><p>"What, don't need to cut it off just yet?"</p><p>He grimaces, "No, unfortunately. You'll just have to deal with having two legs, like the rest of us."</p><p>"Thank you," Donnie says, staring.</p><p>Ethan doesn't look up as he's packing away everything, "Don't mention it."</p><p>The stew finishes, and Cap pours healthy heapings into Ethan and Donnie's bowls. She brings a bowl to Mickey, who was propped up on a short, flat rock, away from the campfire. She's reading a bent and faded paperback. </p><p>"Hungry?" Cap asks her.</p><p>Mickey glances up, taking the bowl quietly. Cap plops herself down next to her, earning a heavy sigh from the other. She shifts over more to give her more room, dog - earing her page and tossing the book into her tent.</p><p>"Don't start acting cute," Mickey mutters.</p><p>"I don't have to start, I already am," Cap says with a cheeky grin.</p><p>Mickey rolls her eyes, "I'm still pissed at you."</p><p>"I think that's fair, but..." She looks over to Donnie, who was attempting to make small - talk with Ethan, "It's like you said, he's not as tough as the rest of his crew. I couldn't just throw him back to the wolves when he was begging for help."</p><p>Still unconvinced, Mickey sighs through her nose, "Still think it's a mistake."</p><p>"But I think he has a point. The East isn't like back home. We can't just take backroad shortcuts to bypass a roadblock, or take advantage of a hill that overlooks a stronghold. He's been active with the Highwaymen, you haven't, and a lot can change in a year, especially since you've been dethroned. We'll need his help," She shrugs, "But, hey, it doesn't work out, we can just cut and run."</p><p>Mickey shakes her head, "Much as I hate to admit it, I don't think it'll come to that. Donnie...." She sighs again, "Donnie always treated me 'n Lou fair, as much as we harped on him. He's just so..." She gestures, "Weak. Easy to fuck with. Never stood up for himself before, so I'm almost impressed that he wrangled up the guts to follow us. He won't give up this chance at a new start."</p><p>They eat in silence, Cap focused on Donnie. She picks up a few things about him, like how when he's thinking of something to say, he rubs at the scar on his lip, or when Timber gets close, he stays still in place, like he would jump on him if he made the wrong move. When Ethan says something, though Cap can't hear from her spot next to Mickey, Donnie tilts his head towards him, at attention.</p><p>When they're done eating, Cap collects the Judge's book and sets up shop in a tree nearby. It's got a low, thick branch that hovers a few feet from the ground. She comfortably sets up, her shotgun propped up by the trunk, one leg swinging as she opens their book up again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>But the last dummy isn't a dummy at all. It was Eli Palmer. And I had just put a bullet in his head. Right between the eyes, face locked in shock. I could feel my heart shoot out of my chest the same way I shot that last bullet out of that gun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It feels like time not only slowed for me, it stopped completely. Eli is still, a statue suspended in time. I can see Jacob, in my minds eye, taunting me, teasing me, pacing around Eli.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Only you....can make the world seem right...." He sings, "Only you can make the darkness bright...." He knocks the barrel of my gun down, "Only you...." He chuckles to himself, "Only you could've gotten this close. Only you could have earned his trust. It was always only ever you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so shocked by everything, I couldn't do anything but stand there as he taunted me. This imaginary version of him buzzed and flickered, like a television screen. I kept hoping that's all it was. That the test hadn't been fulfilled. That my sacrifice hadn't happened. That I was still chained to a chair, wasting away as I was forced to endure brainwashing. That this wasn't happening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good work. You did it. You passed your test. You made your sacrifice. But now...you're alone. And you're weak. And we know what happens to the weak."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn't cry, but tears rolled down my face, so hot, they felt like fire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I cull the herd. It's what I do. I'll be outside waiting for you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The scene morphs and shifts into the Wolf's Den. Jacob walks off, disappearing into the doorway to the stairs. As soon as he's gone, the scene snaps back into reality, time returning to normal. Eli falls onto his back, dead, and I hear Tammy scream out for him. She's on his body, and I'm out of mine. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. I killed him. I could still smell the gunpowder in the air. If only Eli had a gun, instead of that bow. He probably would've taken me out, had be had one.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A force pushes me by my shoulder, into the wall. It's Wheaty, and he's fucking screaming at me. His right to do so. He's waving a gun in my face, and he's crying, and I wish he just pulled the trigger instead of pouring his heart out. Eli was like a father to him, and I ripped that bond right out from under him. He presses the muzzle to my cheek, and I'm quiet, so quiet, because I want him to. I want him to kill me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But, of all people, Tammy runs at him. She puts her hands over the gun, and tells him to wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He trusted you! I trusted you!" Wheaty screams out. I don't think the bunker mattered, he was screaming so loud, the rest of the county probably heard him. But he's right. That was their mistake. Trusting a stranger, even someone like me, who tried so hard to do so much good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Tammy is telling him it was Jacob. She's not wrong, technically, but I knew what I was doing. I went willingly to that playground, mowing down whoever I could, trying to get to Pratt. Like that's where he would be. But the more I thought about it - I shot Eli before I even realized it was him. I could've done the same if it was Pratt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We've seen this before," Tammy says, and she starts listing off names, "Ronnie, Parker....this is what he does. And we let him right in."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How many of their crew was turned, because of Jacob? How many of their own have tried to kill them, kill Eli? And they still let them into their homes? And Eli still trusted them. He trusted all of them. Did he know, maybe, deep down, that Jacob would catch up to him? Those are questions I'll never get the answers to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wheaty lets her take the gun, and he looks so fucking heartbroken, staring at Eli's body. Tammy grabs the front of my jacket, pulling me. She was so calm. Did she know this would've happened? And she tells me; "You find that motherfucker. You find Jacob and you kill him. Or next time I see you so help me God, I'll kill you myself," She pushes me out the lower door to the bunker. The last thing I catch is Wheaty, on the ground, the kid holding Eli's limp hand in his, before it shuts.</em>
</p><p>I<em>, first, bash my head into the wall a few times, until it aches, until I think I heard a crack and my vision blurred. But the bunker doors that led above were closed, and I could hear music. I stopped. As much as I wanted to stick my gun in my mouth, I wasn't gonna go anywhere until I took Jacob Seed with me.</em></p><p>
  <em>Outside is red. There's no sky, no animals, no noise, nothing but barren trees and dirt and red lights. There's these beacons around, that Jacob used to lure wolves in, and they flashed red. I could hear their howls, heard the boots of men on earth. The trees started to light on fire. I could hear Jacob's voice clear in my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ah....about time you came out. Thought I'd have to come and get ya....was worried you turned soft on me. But you're a soldier. You do as you're told."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just ready the gun in my hand, and start spraying and praying. I take out a few Chosen, but they aren't the main problem. It's the Judges that almost catch me. One latched onto my arm, and I dug my pistol into it's nose, and pulled the trigger. The top half of it's jaw came right off. And the whole time, Jacob is taunting me, talking his shit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't cry about Eli. He was weak and selfish. I gave him a chance to prove himself. All he had to do was hand over his Whitetails...could have saved us all the trouble."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hearing Eli's name come out of that bitch's throat filled me with such a rage, the red light of the wold beacons just got redder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't fight it," He says as I knife the eyes out of one Chosen, who barely had a chance to notice me darting up to him, "Just...let go. You've served your purpose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My purpose is to put you in the ground," I say. It's to myself, but I hoped Jacob could hear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You are meat," I hear him say as a wolf gnaws at my ankle. I still had the padded armor of the Whitetails on me, so it got nowhere. I bashed it's head in, "Let's say you get out of this. What's next? You go back to running errands for a teenager and a housewife? The Whitetails are nothing without Eli....You are nothing without Eli."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I laugh, "I think your baby brother would disagree with that," I say, loud. I didn't think it would get it goat, but I hear this huff, and suddenly a squad of Chosen show up. Older brother syndrome - always gotta protect the honor of the youngers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't you find it ironic that everyone you try to help winds up worse off? Eli...Pratt....tragedy just follows. If you really wanted to keep people safe....be a hero...you'd just off yourself. Safer for everyone that way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The more wolf beacons I kill, the less wolves show up, and the more Chosen do. I gun them down like they're nothing. It looked like Jacob Seed made me too good at killing. He's goading me the whole time, like what he says matters to me anymore. I take out the last wolf beacon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it was like someone flipped a light switch. It was daytime. The sound returned to the mountains, birds and wind and the like. The song had stopped. There were no red lights.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Except for the laser of Jacob's rifle, aimed between my eyes. I dodged out of the way, running, running fast to where I saw the dot, that little star of red light. It was up on this craggy peak a couple yards from the bunker. He's speaking, but I'm not fucking listening. I climb up the craggy hill, and I make it to the top. He bashes his gun against my chest, trying to force me off the edge. I get a good grip underneath, and deliver a blow right to his jaw, and turn the gun on him, firing a shot right into his gut. He stumbles back, and falls, and yells. I look over the edge. He's only fallen eight feet, still on the cliff, but he looks like shit, covered in blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I climb down, his rifle in my hands, and stare at him. He blinks, pained, but smiles.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My brother saw all this coming. I don't know if he talks to God....that doesn't matter. He was right. Humanity is once again in crisis," He, some - fucking - how, can still move, and he leans himself against a rock, sitting upright. He's got a hand over that shot I delivered to him. He sounds so weak as he speaks, "It doesn't matter what we build or achieve...we will always find a way to break it down. Babylon. Rome. Empires rise, empires fall....America? We're no different...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He waves me closer, voice dropping. Out of my own sick curiosity, I step closer, and lean down. He grabs the front of my coat, but he doesn't pull. No, it's more like he needed something to hold onto, to get him along in his dying speech.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We think we're indestructible. World War II, War on 'Terror,' we survived it....but it only brought us closer to the edge. And this is where we are. Right here on schedule, just waiting for someone to push us, and oh boy, have you pushed us. You did everything he said you would do. And you didn't even know it. You had no fucking clue."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His breathing turns wheezy. His hands slack off my jacket. It would take hours for him to die out from his wound. I thought it would be more merciful to quicken the pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the ground, Judges surround, feeding on the bodies I've dropped. I grab Jacob by his shirt, and haul him up. He groans out, in pain, and I make him stare me dead in the eye.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I open my mouth to deliver some final fuck you, but I snap it shut. He's not even worth the words. I throw him over the cliffside. He falls another eight feet, and he's still alive when I do, but his leg is twisted up. He's groaning out, like an injured lamb, and the wolves close in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I watch as they rip him apart, piece by piece. He doesn't even die fast. He's yelling out, and they're tearing at the flesh of his legs and shoulders, ripping fabric and flesh. He punches one wolf, and another just latches onto his arm, tearing out a chunk of meat. I'll save you some of the imagery, for your own imagination's sake, but it was graphic, and horrible, and awful. And I enjoyed every part of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think that's when I changed. That's when I really, really changed for the worse. I felt like everything just went downhill after that pont. It would've been so easy to just put a bullet in Jacob's head, in John's. But I chose to kill them way more intimately. It wasn't even about valley anymore. Not revenge, for my crew, or the people of the valley, or Eli, or whatever else. It was about me killing the Seeds and everything they cared about. You know that saying, fight fire with fire? I was fighting depravity with even more depravity. And I liked it that way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the wolves are done, doing nothing but lapping at the stain Jacob left behind, I hope down. The wolves, for whatever reason, scatter off, either full of their meal, or thinking I'm a predator they can't face. I dig through the messy pile, picking out stray pieces of meat, until I find a few things. Jacob's dog tags, his bunker key, his name patch from his jacket, and his music box.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stare at that box for a while. It's simple. No engravings on it. It's all just metal and wood. All that power, all that control, that torture, held up in a little box. I pocket it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A plane flies overhead, and I hear on my radio, Nick Rye. He's talking about hitting some tanker down the road. I wasn't even gone more than two or three hours. I hit mine, and tell everyone in the private channel to cut their chaos out. Jacob Seed is dead. I'm gonna save Pratt, if there's anything left of him. I rip my radio off, and throw it down, smashing it with my boot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I run to the bunker. His sermons are playing, and I'm so fucking sick of hearing Jacob Seed jerk off to the sound of his own voice as he explains the machinations of the human mind that I want to tear my own fucking ears off. I gun down the Chosen on guard, not many. I open the bunker. It's dark as fuck. I start to descend, but hear honking as I do. I pop my head out, and there's Tammy, driving a truck, with Grace and Hudson in the flatbed. I do a half - salute to Hudson and Grace, and Tammy hops out of her car.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thought you might need some backup," Tammy tells me. I tell her that I don't need backup, but I do need help keeping the Peggies out of the bunker, or inside, if they try to escape. She asks me what my plan is. I tell her I'm gonna rescue Pratt and make sure none of those cultists make it out alive. For Eli. For everyone who's ever had to die because the Seeds didn't think their lives were worth anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tells me it's stupid to go in blind, and she passes me a new radio, and in her hand, she's got the blueprint to Jacob's bunker. And I forgot - Eli was their architect. She'll be my guide as I descend down. Hudson looks at me, and she says; "Don't come back up without Staci."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson and Pratt? They were like siblings. The tough older sister with the squirrelly younger brother. I used to watch Hudson give Pratt his daily shit, and then listen to her bash some desk jockey for fucking up his paperwork. And with Pratt, he constantly challenged her theories on cases, but never outright told her she was wrong. They had this mutual respect for one another. They worked like a Goddamn machine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think about you and her. Hudson. I can only imagine how much shit we'd get done if she were around. Your work ethic meeting her work ethic. We'd have world peace within the month. World hunger would be a thing of the past. Don't know how you'd act with Pratt. Maybe you could work some of that ol' Captain magic and work with him the same way you worked Ethan. Granted, Ethan is a little more put together, but I'm sure you'd handle him with grace all the same.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I descend into the bunker, and I shoot out every speaker I see.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," Tammy says over the radio, "I think I figured it out. Looks like they keep their prisoners all the way at the bottom of that bunker."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course they do. It can never be the first floor.</em>
</p><p>"<em>If you're gonna rescue Pratt, you're gonna need to start at the control room. The whole place is probably on lockdown by now, but if you head there, you should be able to undo that with Jacob's key. Good luck."</em></p><p>
  <em>I start mowing Peggies down. Whoever I see, ratatatat, gone in the blink of an eye.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get to the control room, and it's playing a recording of when Jacob first abandoned Pratt. I'm not listening, but then I realize that Jacob calls him Judas. And the only thing I can think of it - How fucking narcissistic do you have to be to equate yourself with Jesus Christ? That's all the Seeds were. Narcissists, with God complexes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More Peggies, more killing, more stairs for me to climb down. And all the way at the bottom, I find this lab. It's stuffed with dead animal carcasses, and every surfaced is covered with test tubes and beakers, filled with bliss flower extract, or whatever chemicals they were using. I open this back door, and my feet hit water. It's some hydraulics room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But who cared what it was, what mattered was Pratt, who still tied down to a chair in the middle of it. His eyes are closed. I think he's fucking dead, so in a panic, I run over, and shake his shoulder. I sigh in relief when he fucking lifts his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Rook?" He says, real weak, "Are you real?" He looks so thin. The cut on his face had been reopened, and dried blood plastered his cheeks, beard, and shirt. One eye is nearly swollen shut. His nose is worse off, the bruise purple, fresh, and the bridge is crooked. I nod, and cut the ties off of him. I help him up, and he collapses into the water. He stands. He stumbles, but he stands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's this weird control center in the room, and as he gathers his bearings, I try to focus out that recording of Jacob locking him up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They said I was weak," Pratt says, real strained and raspy, "That I deserved this. Maybe he was right."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm about to tell him he didn't, but he pushes me out of the way. In front of the controls, someone had left behind a sledgehammer. He picks it up, and starts shouting, raising it up and smashing it down on the panels. Sparks start flying, and it would've been smart to hop out of the water, but I kept still. Once the recordings stop, nothing but smoking, broken screens, he drags the hammer over to this lockbox. He smashes the lock off of it, and reaches inside, taking out a gun. He looks at me, and he's got this crazed look in his eye, like some cornered animal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They made me strong. And now, they're weak. And the weak must be culled," He points the gun in his hand at the water pumps and starts spraying, screaming. And he keeps going, until we both hear that empty click of his LMG. Sirens go off. He doesn't even look at me as he walks out of the room, "We've gotta go."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rush ahead before him, because his gun is fucking empty. I put a hand out, and tell him to let me help him outside this time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Water floods the floors, sirens blaring. The bunker shakes, nearly knocking the both of us off our feet. I look at him, and tell him to forget the guns, just fucking run.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And he listens. He lets me lead, following, but mumbling to himself, "Do you know what this place is? A protector - " He's cut off by another rumble, then tells me we need to hurry up and get the fuck out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hurry up the stairs and out of the bunker. It smokes, and explodes, flames following us. We both slide into the dirt, watching a big ball of fire blast out, like a dragon was hidden inside. I feel people pull at me, helping me stand. I look over, and Pratt is still in the dirt, staring at the fire. Me and Hudson grab him, hoist him up to his feet, but he stumbles. I pick him up over my shoulder and throw him into the truck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They're asking me all these questions at once, and I get frustrated, and snap. I'll answer any questions they got as soon as we're out of the open and somewhere safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tammy looks at me, and she knows I'm different. She knows something snapped in me, after Eli. After my business there with the Whitetails were done, I'd always help her out when she radioed in. Never told me to come by the Den, but when I did, just to check up on things, she never looked at me with hate. Wheaty had a little more give, sometimes showing up to help me scout out places, but I think he still resented me for what I did. Can't blame him. Couldn't blame him if I wanted to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We head back to the Wolf's Den, quiet. I'm in the truckbed, with Grace and Tammy. I look through the back window. Hudson has Pratt's boots in her lap. His eyes are closed, body limp in the seat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I asked Grace how Hudson has been. She tells me she's never seen a woman so committed to the cause. Hudson took to helping Fall's End rebuild a few of the houses, turning one into a base of operations. She and Grace mostly patrol the nearby strongholds to make sure the Peggies don't get too comfortable and start to run the area again. On their side of the Henbane, Peggies have all but picked up and left. I nod, internally grinning. That's good, I tell her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We make it to the bunker. There's Whitetails cleaning the place up, burning bodies down below in pits. They're working on some wooden structure above on the ridge, but I really didn't care what it was for. Tammy calls a medic, and they come and carry Pratt out of the truck, Hudson chasing after. I'm about to follow, too, but Grace grabs my arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whoa there, partner," She says, "They only need one deputy screamin' at 'em right now. Give them a few minutes to check him out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look into her eyes, and there's this softness I've never seen her have before. Kinda shocked me. I stayed put.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Grace Armstrong, sitting next to Joey Hudson. Their backs are turned, and their hands are held, Hudson's head leaning onto Grace's shoulder.</p><p>
  <em>There's this shadow that comes out of the bunker. I look over, and Jess Black is standing at the top of the stairs. I hold my breath. There was not a doubt in my mind that I ruined everything between us. She'd go back to killing Peggies, all on her lonesome, and I'd continue my journey on without her. She scans the field, and our eyes meet. I don't smile, don't wave, just stand there, staring at her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, she runs down the hill, and she pushes me so hard, I fall over. She starts yelling at me, and I just lay there, staring at her. She's so fucking beautiful when she's pissed, which is all the time. I don't even know what she's yelling at me for. Then she holds out her hand, and I take it, hauling myself up with her help. I want to kiss her so bad, but there's too many people around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So is it true? He's dead?" She asks me. I reach into my pocket, and hold out Jacob's name patch. I toss it to Tammy, telling her to mount this skin over her fireplace. They ask me where his body is. I say, check some wolf shit in a few hours. You might just be able to put him back together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everyone is staring at me. I don't like the looks they give me. I walk away, going into the bunker. I take the ladder inside this time. The medics have finished checking Pratt out, leaving him alone. He's sitting upright in a chair. There's a blanket over his shoulders, and a gun in his lap. His face is bandaged up, with a little strip over his nose. He's got this spacey look to him. Hudson is sitting across, staring at him. I walk a little closer, and touch his shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know what this is?" He says, "Maybe we're in limbo. Maybe we died in that helicopter crash."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Hudson meet eyes, and we have the exact fucking same sad look.. I reach for the gun in his hands. He pulls it tighter. He doesn't aim it, but he's adamant about not letting it go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson looks down at her hands, barely keeping it together, "Tell me you made that motherfucker suffer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't say anything to her, but I nod. I reach into my pocket, bringing out the music box. Hudson squints at it, because she doesn't know, but Pratt does. He freezes. I look at him, meet his eye, and he's fucking crazed, trembling, like a dog in a thunderstorm. I shake it it a little, and something rattles inside. I place the music box down on a table, then find this toolbox in the corner. I take out this hammer. It's rusted and old, but it's all I needed. I hold it out by it's handle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You wanna, or should I?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt fucking leaps out of his chair, dropping the blanket and his gun. He rips the hammer out of my hand. Hudson jumps out of her seat, and I pull at her arm so she's out of the way of him and the projectiles. He smashes that little box to pieces, yelling nonsense I don't understand. The folding table is some basic, plastic shit, and he ends up cracking it, and flipping it over. The music box is nothing but little metal pieces and splinters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He raises his arm to bring it down again, and I catch it. I slip the hammer out of his hand. When I let go, he brings his clenched fist down into the debris, still screaming. His whole body heaves in air. People have crowded around in the doorway, seeing what was happening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wave them off, "Don't ya'll have Peggie bodies to burn up? Get out!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That gets the group to disperse, besides Tammy, and Grace, and Jess. She crosses her arms, "You owe us a new table."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll make it two if you can just give us a few minutes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rather than fight with me, she nods, understanding, and leaves. Grace bumps Jess' shoulder, and reluctantly, they both leave, too. I pick up the blanket Pratt had dropped, placing it back over his shoulders. He's hunched over the mess he's made, shaking. I rub a hand over his back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"C'mon, Staci," I tell him, "Let's get you cleaned up."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He mutters to himself, and resists when I try to help him. Hudson taps me on the shoulder, and I stand up, her taking my place. She kneels down. She tries the same thing, asking him if he's hungry. Nothing changes. He's still talking to himself, ignoring the both of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And for Hudson, that's not good enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stands up, moving out of the room. She's gone for less than a minute, and comes back with a full bucket of water. I know exactly what she's gonna do, and I don't even try to stop her. She dumps it over him. He makes a loud, shocked sound, twisting around. Hudson throws the bucket somewhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get the fuck up, Staci."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And like the good little soldier he is, he does. He stands. He slips in the water. I catch him before he falls, and sit him down on the couch. Hudson is pacing, yelling at him, and I realize, she's not even angry. She's just frustrated, and stressed, and seeing Pratt completely lose it was the last nail in the coffin. He's staring at her, mouth closed, fists on his knees. She collapses into the couch, and hugs him. He doesn't move at all, just stares out into space. She pulls back, and tells me she's gonna go see who needs help outside.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He watches her leave, not saying anything. I grab a towel, and toss it to him. I tell him we'll get him some new clothes, and he can shower in a little while. I tell him to stay put. I go outside to help, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's nighttime out there. Everybody is staring at me. Some congratulate me ecstatically, others nod their heads. Mixed feelings all around. Jacob Seed was dead. All it took was Eli Palmer's life, too. I start hauling bodies into the burning pits. People are using tarps to carry them, but I'm well past being squeamish, and just haul them over my shoulders and toss them in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the salvaging and burning is done, I get called up the hill, to that weird wooden structure they were building. I ask Hudson what's going on. She tells me they're having Eli's funeral. I look at the pyre, and sure enough, Eli is on top of it, limp. Wheaty is standing nearby, talking to Tammy. He picks his head up, and we make eye contact. Just a quick second, before I look away. I tell Hudson I shouldn't be here. I start walking, back to the bunker, to check on Pratt again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But someone grabs the back of my jacket, pulling. I shrug them off, but they pull my arm this time. I twist around, and it's Wheaty. He looks a right fucking mess, eyes all red, cheeks a little puffy. I'm the last person he needs to see, but his grip is tight on me, and I don't fight him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel tears in my eyes, and I hug him. I tell him I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can tell him. He hugs me real tight back. He's crying, I'm crying, it's a mess. He pulls back, and I wipe his face with my sleeve. Poor kid, is all I could fucking think, poor fucking kid. He's got this thing clutched in his hand, and I look down to see the name patch I gave Tammy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If I had the choice," He says, a little raspy, "To save you from Jacob's room again, I would. That's what Eli would've wanted."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I choke up, and hug him again. It's a little tight, and he taps me to let me know. I hold him at arms length, and behind him, Jess paces up. She taps him on the shoulder, telling him Tammy needs him. He nods at me, and walks off. She crosses her arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How's your friend?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shit," I say, "But he's alive, so, can't complain that much."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nods. I nod. We both stare everywhere that isn't the other's faces. I'm trying to think of something else to say, and I know she is too, but we're both just so awkward nothing comes out. I hear the bunker open, and I turn, and Hudson is leading Pratt outside. He looks a little calmer now than he did before, a little drier, but Hudson still looks a stressed mess. She looks at me, sadly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're all gathered to Eli's pyre. Tammy is at the helm, a torch in her hand. Me and Jess are tucked right in the middle of the crowd, Hudson, Pratt, and Grace in front of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Each of us found the Whitetails in our own ways, but what brought us here, was loss. Families. Friends," She rounds the pyre, touching Eli's shoulder, "Eli gave us back a little piece of that. He showed us the only thing we can rely on is each other. He was my friend," She tucks the lit torch into a bottom compartment, filled with straw, "And I'm gonna miss him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her speech is short. She starts to cut through the crowd, but stops when she sees me. She tells me, Eli knows it wasn't me. If I didn't think she'd punch my lights out, I would've hugged her, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Behind her, Wheaty approaches the prye. He's got a rifle in his hands, and he turns, his eyes burning. He looks like a righteous figure, in front of those flames, "Eli thought if we could just hang on. Wait it out...Eden's Gate would just go away. But they won't."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a murmur in the crowd.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Cancer doesn't fade. It grows. It spreads. You have to cut it out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More murmuring, evolving into agreements, cheers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"These fucking Peggies believe the end of the world is coming?" He raises his rifle, "It is for them. Eden's Gate ends today. We won't stop until every last one of those motherfuckers is hanging from these trees!" He's crying, some of the crowd is crying. He raises his rifle higher, and the crowd cheers, raising theirs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Jess meet eyes, and she nods, "You ever need help outside the mountains, give me a call. I'm with you until all their shit is burned to the ground."</em>
</p><p>I <em>stop giving a fuck about the people around us. I grab her, pulling her hood down a little further to hide both our faces, and kiss her. I make it quick, and push her away just as Pratt barrels into me, hugging me. I grin, and hug him tight, telling him, we're gonna be fucking OK.</em></p><p>
  <em>God should've striked me down right then and there, for my lies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We party, a little. It's not much of a celebration, but booze flows, and there's smiles on peoples faces. Mostly, they're ready for action. Eli's death was worth a thousand Peggies, and they were intent on making sure they got their fill of blood.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are of miscellaneous people, unnamed by the Judge, drinking and partying, a few armored up and holding guns. There's Grace and Hudson, laughing together. Pratt, sitting alone, staring off into space. Tammy, with a beer in her hand, looking fondly at Wheaty, who was smiling. Then there's a few pages of Eli, in different states of actions, like studying maps, or drawing or bow, or simply standing and grinning with his arms crossed. The last one, before the words pick up again, are of a funeral pyre, smoke curling into the sky.</p><p>
  <em>We get Pratt cleaned up, wash his uniform, and set him up with some real armor. We feed him a bit, and he's happy. First time I've seen a smile on his face in a long time. I pull Tammy to the side, and ask her if it's alright if he stays with them. He's a good fighter, and a good guy, loyal as anybody. She was a little hesitant, but she said yes. It worked out for her in the end, anyway. Pratt was a beast when I left him for the Henbane River. He was number one at taking out convoys and patrolling the roads. With an LMG in his hand, there was nothing he couldn't do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Jess sit outside that night, on a cliff above the bunker, watching people party and light the body pits for the Peggies. We hold hands in silence. It was nice. We fall asleep up there, actually, but I get woken up in the middle of the night by my radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once again, Joseph Seed is calling, belting out his older brother's eulogy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My children," He says, "Another seal has been opened. My brother Jacob was a fighter. He fought our parents. He fought the government. He fought me. But mostly, he fought himself. The demons that he brought home from the war consumed him. He thought he was a weapon without a purpose. That he was a warrior without a legacy. but look around you. you are his legacy. All of you willing to protect our family from the Collapse. To purge the sinful from our home. And you will, my children. You will purge the sinners from our home. Jacob's death will not be in vain."</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>It looked like we weren't the only one rallying in grief.</em>
</p><p>The next page is one sketch of Jacob Seed, staring darkly out, a small box in his hand.</p><p>
  <em>I get up carefully from my spot next to Jess. We've got this thin rag of a blanket with us, and I pull it over her shoulders, grabbing my now - warm beer. I climb down, checking on everything. Those who are still awake are sitting quietly, but most of them are asleep. I walk into the bunker. Tammy is asleep at the table in the control center. I tap her shoulder, and she stirs, and picks her head up, looking at me all bleary. I help her stand, and help her to her room. I take her boots off for her, and put a blanket over her. She looked so....despondent. And despite it, I grin at her, and tell her everything was gonna turn out fine, because the mountains were the Whitetails' now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They always were," She tells me, real quiet. She turns over, her back to me, and falls asleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look inside Wheaty's room, just to make sure the kid is OK, but he's not there. I check Eli's, and, unsurprisingly, there he is. He's curled up on the floor, his back pressed against the bed, surrounded by cans and bottles. He's asleep, his legs stretched out. I stare at him, sipping my beer, even though it was disgusting now. I place my bottle down, and go over to him. I nudge his thigh with my boot, and he stirs a little, half - asleep. I pick him up real easy over my shoulder, and move him to his room. He's talking to me, but I have no idea what he's saying. It's just drunken, sleepy nonsense. I carefully lower him onto his bed, take off his boots for him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I push at him, lay him down on the bed. I start to pull the blanket over him, but he grabs my wrist. He fingers something in his free hand, Jacob's patch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you think I'm stupid, Dep?" He asks me. He's drunk, but his eyes shine, red rimmed, like he'd been crying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him, no, I don't think he is. And I tell him, if anybody ever tells him that, to just grab me, and I'll set 'em straight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just nods, and lets me go, and turns onto his side. I pull the blanket over him. I take his hat off, and set it on the nightstand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I check out Pratt and Hudson. The bunker is full of people, asleep in different manners. I pull up everyone's blankets, picking up stray bottles and full glasses. Hudson is passed out on the couch, Grace on top of her. I pull a stray blanket over them. Pratt is fast asleep, sitting upright in a chair. I carefully shake him awake. His eyes snap open, but he sees me, and relaxes, just a little. He's got new bandages on his face. I grin at him, sadly, and motion him over to the only empty cot in the room. He sits down on it. I hold my hands out for his gun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"C'mon," I tell him, "It'll be right at your side. It's not going anywhere."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reluctantly, he holds it out. I take it, setting it right at the cotside. He lays down, but his face is real tight, staring at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You think we'll make it out of here?" He asks me. He's a little more coherent now, with an expression that was sadder than a lost puppy's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, I do," I pat his shoulder, "I've just gotta handle Faith and Joseph," And, honestly, after taking out Jacob, I felt invincible. I was convinced nothing could get more brutal after him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was half right about it. Faith was a cakewalk compared to Jacob. Not as brutal, but just as cruel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nods, folding his hands over his stomach. I wish him a goodnight, and take my beer and myself back outside.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt was never the same after that. Impossible to get any of his medication, not even some generic - brand one, or something that was like it. Either the Peggies snatched it all up, or nobody in the entire fuckin' county had the same problems as him. I was seeing sides of him I never saw before. Actively paranoid, irritated, aggressive. He'd go on and on about total bullshit nonsense. It was like a whole 'nother man I was talking to. But, Tammy decided he was coherent enough to keep around, since he was with them all the way up to the end.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes, when I visited him, he was humming along to that song. Every time he did, I always thought he'd hulk out and we'd have to rip each other to pieces, but it was never the case. I think it was only the original song. Or, maybe, it had to come from the music box. I don't know. Either way, it pissed me off when he hummed it. But I think it was a tick, a stim. It helped him out, kept his head straight and focused. At least, I think so.</em>
</p><p>In the margins, scribbled in: <em>Only you can make the world seem right, only you can make the darkness bright....</em></p><p>
  <em>Anyway, I climb back up to the cliff with Jess. She's still asleep, and I lay next to her. She smells like sweat, and blood, and I realize, I probably smell worse. But the night is beautiful, and she's beautiful, and it doesn't matter how much blood we're soaked in. We were alive, to fight another day. That's what mattered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know, Cap, as this goes on, I don't think this is a diary anymore. This isn't just my account of what happened with Eden's Gate. This is like one long, long letter. As I started this, I was focused on talking about the Seeds, making them the villains they were. But that's giving them too much credit. This book is more like a fond remembrance of everybody I've ever met in the valley. I find a little joy in keeping their memories alive. Joseph would've hated it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Cap glances up, just to see Ethan walking over. She closes Judge's book, smiling, "Your turn already?"</p><p>"Not for another hour," He says, "I can't sleep, and thought I'd keep you company."</p><p>With the bittersweet chapter she'd just finished, Cap places the book down, happy to have the distraction. She lowers herself from the branch down into the grass, patting the space beside her. He sits, her sliding an arm into his, leaning her head on his shoulder.</p><p>"How's your eye?"</p><p>"Fine. The swelling is down," He sighs through his nose, "I don't think I've had the chance to thank you just yet."</p><p>"No, you did, remember?"</p><p>"That was for the weapons training," He says, "I'm here to thank you for what you did with Rat."</p><p>She bumps his shoulder, "Happy to do it."</p><p>He doesn't speak for a few moments, "Nobody has ever stood up for me like that."</p><p>"It's what friends do, Ethan."</p><p>He hums, and tilts his head away. There's a long, friendly quiet, the hand on her thigh rubbing higher. He exhales, "I was hoping to thank you in a more....specific, manner."</p><p>Cap grins. She pulls her arm out from his, smoothing it up his thigh, too, "How specific we talkin'?"</p><p>He stands, grabbing her hand and pulling her behind the tree, blocking them from their camp. He presses her against the trunk, and she grins wide. It was unlike him to be so forward. He tips her hat up, pushing it off, letting it fall into the grass. He kisses her, gently. She barely kisses back, wary of his split lip.</p><p>Hands push up her shirt, then unbutton her jeans. He tucks his head into her shoulder, kissing her neck. He pushes her pants down just enough to slip a hand inside.</p><p>Despite how close the rest of their companions were, Cap doesn't hesitate to push him away, and strip the rest of her clothes off. Ethan's hands are back on her, softly pawing at her bare hips. He presses her back into the tree. The bark digs into her skin, and she grins at the bite of it. His lips drag down her body, until he's kneeling between her legs. His dark eyes are blown black, flicking up to watch her face. She tangles her fingers in his hair. He licks his lips, wetting them, before his warm mouth touches between her thighs.</p><p>Ethan worked his mouth gently. There's a little clumsiness to him, but he's energetic, Cap had to give him that. He was getting better. It didn't feel like he was mindlessly lapping out at her anymore, like the first few times he tried when they were together before. There was a little more tact to him now. She just wishes he'd let <em>her</em> go down on him sometime. <em>Fuck that teeth aversion he has.</em></p><p>He parts the skin hiding her clit, sucking gently. Cap flies her hand to her mouth. She grabs onto a branch above with one hand, holding herself steady as she raised a knee, setting her heel on the trunk. It gives Ethan more room to work, and he sighs heavily. She scratches through his hair.</p><p>"That's good, real good...." She fans her knee out a little more, "There...." Hands rub down her calves, gently squeezing. He sucks, and her head falls back, smacking the back of her head. She hisses out, "Ow..."</p><p>He pulls back, "What happened?"</p><p>"I hit my head on this stupid tree," She blows hair out of her face.</p><p>"We could switch," He offers.</p><p>"Yeah, we could," She smirks, "But I like seeing you down there."</p><p>Ethan exhales, "Captain...."</p><p>"Yeah, you look good on your knees, Eth, so good."</p><p>His hand slides off her skin, resting between his own legs. He goes back to kissing between her thighs, worrying at her lips, palming himself through his jeans.</p><p>"Mhm, yeah, look at you. So handsome," She pulls lights at his hair, keeping the gentle praise going. When she started speaking, Ethan had a habit of turning to putty in her hands.</p><p>And putty he was, groaning low, working his mouth, lapping up the slick that dripped down Cap's core. Her gut starts to tighten, cutting off a few of her words. She leans her head back, the sun warm on her skin, letting Ethan's name slip between her lips. He pulls away, leaning back on his thighs. He's pulled himself out, at one point, and was stroking quickly. She sinks down, toppling over him, pressing him down into the surrounding grass. She pushes up his shirt, past his navel, and pins his shoulders, grinding against him. He moans, loud, and Cap is quick to clamp a hand over his mouth. He grips her wrist, holding it in place, eyes fluttering as she rolls her hips, moving a little faster as she chased that warm peak. His head falls back, and she pulls the collar of his shirt down, sucking a spot below his collarbone, out of sight.</p><p>Ethan's hips jerk up, semi - frantic, and Cap meets every movement, until his eyes squeeze shut, body tensing, and shuddering. His fingers tighten bruisingly on her wrist, a high - pitched whimper escaping him. It's what Cap needs for that final push over. Warmth blooms in her gut, and she moans, but grits her teeth, keeping the sound low. She rolls until the waves pass, pulling her hand off Ethan's mouth. His lips are wet and red, the cut on his lip having opened again.</p><p>"Oh, yikes," She wipes it gently with her thumb, smearing the little amount of blood that was there.</p><p>He nudges her fingers away, face flushed, "I'll take care of it later," His tongue flicks out to lick at the wound.</p><p>"That's hot."</p><p>"You're disgusting."</p><p>"You like it, though."</p><p>He rolls his eyes, sitting up on his elbows. He's made a mess on his belly, and exhales as he looks down, "I didn't think this through."</p><p>Cap waves a hand, "Ah, you can wipe it off," She looks up at the trees, grabbing a few large leaves and wiping Ethan's stomach off, "See? Fine."</p><p>He blinks at her, unamused, but pulls his shirt down "You are an amazing individual."</p><p>She smiles, rolling onto her side, laying down in the grass with him. She tucks her head into his chest, looking up, "Y'know," She says, "I think you're even cuter with that shiner."</p><p>He huffs, but grins. They lay in silence, listening to the sounds of the birds, and the wind rustling the trees, warm sunlight basking over them. Cap fits comfortably in his side, his arm around her.</p><p>Ethan threads his fingers in her hair, softly singing to himself, "Only you....can make the world seem right....Only you...can make the darkness bright...."</p><p>Cap sharply inhales, keeping her head tucked into his chest, careful to keep her shocked expression hidden, "Where did you hear that song, Ethan?"</p><p>"Some of the Chosen would hum it at times," He says, "I always liked it. Why? Do you know it?"</p><p><em>Yes,</em> "No. But it's....nice."</p><p>"I've got it memorized, almost. But it's been a time since I've heard it from anyone else. I could teach you," He grins softly.</p><p>"Mmm...Maybe later," She says, sitting up and grabbing her clothes, "I should get to bed before Mickey or Donnie get curious."</p><p>The grin falls, just slightly, "Oh. Alright."</p><p>She pulls on her clothes, picking a straw leaf out of his hair, "Have a good watch," She grabs Judge's book, walking back to the camp.</p><p>The fire is dying out, everything seeming quiet. She sets up in her bedroll, tucking Judge's book underneath her pillow, and falls asleep</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finally.....7 chapters in and ethan gets a little loving.....aaaa....</p><p>haha more soon thanks :)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yuhhhh!!!!!!</p><p>as i finish this, far cry 6 was just revealed by ubisoft :0 its a really incredible trailer and im so excited!!!!</p><p>thanks for reading ahhhhhhh</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>"Hey, Cap," Rush calls, "C'mon, wake up."</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cap's eyes flip open. The floor under her rumbles steadily. She blinks, looking around. The room is familiar to her. It's her personal bunk all the way back on the train. She swings her legs over the side of her bed. She feels sluggish, like she'd been switching her Gift on and off all day.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>There's a knock at her door, "Cap?" It's Rush. His voice raises, almost in a panic, "Cap?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She jumps up, "Rush?" She grabs the door, pulling it open.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The rest of the train is in flames. Seats, equipment, other bunks, all engulfed in orange and red. Black smoke suffocates her, and she coughs, eyes watering. Across the lit train car, the other door opens. Rush is there, looking worse for wear. He waves an arm at her, motioning her towards him.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"C'mon, c'mon!"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Without a moment's hesitation, Cap sprints forward. The flames lick at her, catching her skin and clothes. She reaches her hand out, Rush grasping it tight, pulling her into the next car. The car falls away, cracking thunderously, dropping everything into a deep, dark pit, going miles down. She looks up at his face.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>His skin is pale, greying, dead. His mouth, nose, and eyes seep with blood, dripping in fresh lines down his cheeks, coagulating in his beard. She starts to pull herself away, only to get pulled back in by him. He smells like death, leaning into her face.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"You let her live? She blew my fucking head off, and you let her live?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Get off!"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush's hands curl into the front of her windbreaker, holding her out of the doorway, over the pit, "Are you out of your mind? Did my life mean nothing to you? You left my daughter fatherless. You did. You."</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Not Rush, not Rush, not Rush it's not Rush it's not him Goddamn it - </strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush thrashes her, picking her up. He let's out a thunderous yell, throwing her back. She screams out.</strong>
</p><p>Cap sits upright, her forehead connecting with Mickey's. Pain shoots up between her eyes, sending her back down into her bedroll.</p><p>Mickey rubs between her eyes, "<em>Motherfucker</em>!" She grunts through her teeth, "God, what the Hell is in your <em>head</em>? <em>Lead</em>?"</p><p>Cap sits up, teeth grit, "Shit, Mickey, I'm sorry."</p><p>She waves her off, "I'm fine, but...God, Cap, you were screaming in your sleep again."</p><p>Digging the heels of her palms into her eyes, Cap sighs, "Yeah, I probably was."</p><p>"More book stuff?"</p><p>"Not this time," The pain in her head subsides. Haven't had a nightmare about Rush for a while. They were on and off, and Cap would usually go months without one. She sighs heavy through her nose, looking up. Donnie and Ethan were stuck mid - packing, watching. She waves to them, "G'mornin'."</p><p>Mickey twists around, "Stop and stare some more, boys. She might do a flip," Her teasing causes Donnie to duck his head and keep his packing, while Ethan stares a little longer, then shakes his head and keeps up his work, lit by fresh firelight. Mickey turns back to Cap, sitting down by the foot of her bedroll, "You look like shit."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"Didn't Eden give you something to help you sleep?"</p><p>"Tea, yeah. Haven't brewed any, though."</p><p>"You should, next time we stop. But I think we both know some tea isn't going to help you."</p><p>Cap groans, because of course, Mickey was right. As much as she wanted to deny in, Judge's book was having an adverse affect on her. Nightmares were few and far between for her, usually. She can't ignore how close they were together, plus the nature of them, focusing on the Judge and the Seeds. Besides this last one.</p><p>Mickey stands, brushing off her pants, "C'mon," She holds out her hand, "Let's get going."</p><p>They pack up, and ship out. Cap lingers in the back, hauling the sled behind, Timber sticking close to her. They walk in silence for a half an hour, until Donnie slows down to walk next to her.</p><p>"Do you need help with that?" He offers.</p><p>"No. I've got it."</p><p>"You sure? That's a lot of scrap."</p><p>"I'm really strong."</p><p>He rubs at his scar, nodding, "Cool. Yeah, that's cool."</p><p>Though annoyed, there was no point in ignoring him, or being rude, "So what's your story, Donnie?" She asks, "You always lived in Bucket Valley?"</p><p>"Yeah. My mom ran the Highwaymen chapter out there. My aunt runs the armory."</p><p>"You ever seen Ethan before?"</p><p>His eyebrows knit, "No...Why? Should I?"</p><p>"He used to live there."</p><p>"Used to," Ethan calls back, "I haven't been there since I was six."</p><p>"Yeah. Sorry, never met him before in my life. Not many six - year - olds running around at that time. It was me, and three other girls, so...." He shrugs, "Why did you leave?"</p><p>"My mother took me to visit my father in Montana, and I've been with him ever since. Until he died last year."</p><p>"Oh. Sorry for your loss."</p><p>"Nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad he's gone."</p><p>Donnie's eyebrows raise, glancing at Cap. She shrugs her shoulders. He adjusts the straps on his shoulders, "So....what's your story, then, Cap?"</p><p>"I'm from out West, in California. San Francisco."</p><p>"Long ways to come out here," He pauses, "Wait. Were you from that big train the twins flipped?"</p><p>She runs a tongue over her teeth, "Yeah. That was ours."</p><p>"OK, well, first of all, I'm sorry. Second of all, God, you mind if I pick your brain about it?"</p><p>She narrows her eyes, "Why?"</p><p>"Because nobody has a straight answer, and I'm dying to know. It's rumors, rumors, and more rumors."</p><p>Mickey turns on her heel, opening her arms, "You wanna know? This," She points to Cap, "Crazy broad showed up. That's what happened."</p><p>"That...doesn't explain anything."</p><p>Cap fixes the cords draped over her, "Well, uh....so, this girl shows up, one day, to our city, back in Cali. Carmina Rye. She's asking for help. Came out all the way there, from Montana."</p><p>Donnie whistles, "Long way to go."</p><p>"Well, she was desperate. She told our community leaders that the Highwaymen were ravaging the valley she lived in. They were razing settlements, kidnapping people, her dad included. We couldn't leave good folks hanging, so we packed up supplies and experts, and shipped out. There's basically no Highwaymen on the West Coast, it's mostly random raider groups. We thought it'd be a cakewalk. Well, we take that big coal train out there, but the Highwaymen saw it from miles away. They blew the tracks out," It still hurts her to remember it. The bite of the crash, being crushed under bunks, getting rescued, only to have everything ripped away, "Out of the hundred or so that were on that train, only two of us made it out alive."</p><p>"I'm...I'm so sorry," Donnie says. She sees his eyes flick forward, at Mickey, who was pacing ahead, as she always did as the group's navigator.</p><p>Cap grins tightly, "That's where me and Mickey first met, actually. That night. She cornered me and my friend. They kidnapped him, but I got away. So, to make a long story short, the Twins fucked us over, and in return, I fucked their whole operation up."</p><p>"You know all those big wigs that got assassinated at the derby?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>She points to Cap again, "One woman, one gun. She won the derby, snuck into our dinner party, and killed 'em all."</p><p>He blinks, head snapping to her, "No fucking way."</p><p>"I didn't get there by doing everything alone," Cap says, adamant, "People helped me get into the derby, and planted the gun for me."</p><p>"But you did kill all of those big wigs by yourself. Don't remember anybody else sneaking in," Mickey turns back around.</p><p>Cap goes quiet. She didn't see what was so impressive about killing a bunch of people</p><p>Donnie exhales, "I can't believe that was you."</p><p>"You make me sound like an urban legend," She says, with a little disdain. She didn't like that part of being a savior. Having all the attention, the godlike status, wrapped up in myth. She didn't want people to see her like that.</p><p>"You basically are. God, that's when all the townies started to really push back, hearing about some lone hero wandering Montana."</p><p>She sighs through her nose, "I'm no hero."</p><p>"Well, even if you aren't, I'm glad that I'm running with you guys. I feel a little more....invincible."</p><p>"Nobodies invincible," Cap replies, tightly, "Death comes for everybody," She used to think Rush was invincible. Look how that turned out.</p><p>"Did you ever find your friend?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"That friend that got kidnapped, did you ever find him?"</p><p>She purses her lips, "Yeah. I did."</p><p>"So where's he now?"</p><p>"Dead."</p><p>"Sorry to hear it."</p><p>"Yeah. I am, too," She focuses on the ground, on Ethan's steps ahead of them. <em>He's been kinda quiet.</em></p><p>"Did you kill the guys who did it?"</p><p>"Yeah," She raises her head, focusing on Mickey's bleached plaited hair, "One of 'em."</p><p>"Where's the others?"</p><p>"Stop being nosy, Don," Mickey yells back.</p><p>"Listen, Donnie," Cap says, "We make it to the next campsite, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just...Just leave me alone, for now."</p><p>He falls quiet, then nods his head, "OK. Yeah, sure."</p><p>They walk silently for a few hours, until they stop for a water and snack break. The trail they were following was well - trodden, lined with rocks, like a trench, eight feet deep. It was as wide as two people, nobody worried about caravans or trucks coming their way. Cap hauls herself up onto a ledge, Timber following. He curls up into her lap, and she buries her face in his scruff.</p><p>"You stink, boy," She says.</p><p>Mickey, who was leaning against a craggy wall, following the map, taps it with her knuckle, "We're coming to a lake soon. Couple miles out. We should be there before sunrise, we keep to the trail."</p><p>"Lake means fishing," Cap mutters. She loved fishing.</p><p>"Or a hunting spot. We should be careful, though. People crowd water sources, that's just their nature."</p><p>"I think we should take the high ground," Donnie says, "You see the air? It's starting to fog."</p><p>"How would be get the sled up there?" Ethan asks.</p><p>Mickey shrugs, "Cap could always lift it up."</p><p>"I could do that," Cap says in response, still holding Timber in her lap. He thumps his tail happily on the rocks.</p><p>As the group sit and catch their breaths, Ethan starts to climb up onto the cliff next to Cap, somewhat successfully. Cap grabs the back of his shirt, easily helping him up. Timber fidgets in her lap, sitting up between the two. He opens his mouth to speak, but Cap isn't interested in talking about herself, so she cuts him off before he can even get a word out.</p><p>"How's your mother's journal going?"</p><p>He snaps his mouth shut, "Uh....Fine."</p><p>She hugs around Timber's neck, "Define fine."</p><p>He huffs, "It's mostly drivel about the Father and his sermons. She mentions my uncles."</p><p>"And how are they?"</p><p>"They're...." He shakes his head, "Cruel to her. They barely give her the time of day, besides when they have to."</p><p>It's no surprise to Cap, But Ethan doesn't know that. She raises her eyebrows in mock surprise, "Oh, really?"</p><p>He nods, "My father always talked about my uncles with honesty. He never hid their cruel ways, but it was always sugarcoated. He never spoke a whole truth. It's.....different to see it put together is another perspective."</p><p>"That good, or bad?"</p><p>"I wanted the truth, so, good. I guess."</p><p>Cap's pack weighs ten pounds heavier, Judge's book feeling like it's a concrete block. She purses her lips. It would be so easy to just whip the book out now, and hand it over. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. But Judge made it clear. The book was addressed to her, for her to read until she was ready to share it. Until they were ready. It may have been Ethan's history, but it was Judge's trauma, and Cap's secret.</p><p>They start to move again, this time following the ridge above. Cap had easily hauled the boxes and sled above on her own without breaking a sweat. Mickey calls her a show off. Cap flexes her arms at her in response. They walk the long trail, quietly, watching the forest around.</p><p>"How long until we reach the Deadzone?" Cap calls out to Mickey.</p><p>"What's the Deadzone?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"It's where the worst of the blast reached," Donnie answers, "Irradiated lands. You guys got masks?"</p><p>Mickey and Cap voice their yeses. Ethan shakes his head, "I didn't realize we'd need masks."</p><p>"That's OK. There should be a town we'll be able to see a couple miles before we meet the landline. But....how did you not know? Everybody knows the Deadzone."</p><p>"I don't know how obvious it is, but I didn't exactly grow up like the rest of you."</p><p>"Well, why wouldn't you?"</p><p>"I grew up in a commune. Completely self sufficient. We relied on the land. We had absolutely nothing about the Old World to rely on. Nothing mattered outside our gates, so most of the landmarks you may be familiar with are mysteries to me."</p><p>"Huh," Donnie voices, "So, by Old World, you mean like....no scavenging?"</p><p>"Exactly. No radios, no trucks. If we can't make it, or hunt it, it's not worth our time."</p><p>"Huh. Like cavemen."</p><p>"If you want to compare it to them, then, yeah, like cavemen."</p><p>Hours pass, and the sky lightens, though not by much, thanks to the clouds. The fog Donnie had pointed out had just grown thicker, marring their path. But, Mickey has Bean's compass, and has no problem following their path. Muggy air makes Cap sweat. Some time later, they push through the trees, to a rocky, almost sanded shore, leading to a large, open lake. The fog creeps out in wisps along the water's surface. Mickey holds an arm out, stopping the other from going further.</p><p>She looks back at Cap, "Can Timber search the area?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure," She pats her thigh, "Timbs?" She points to the water, "Search," Timber runs off, sniffing at the water's edge. They watch him follow one end, then run back, and follow the other end, before coming back to the group. He sits at Mickey's feet, tongue lolling.</p><p>"Good mutt," Mickey says, walking forward. They set up camp more by the treeline, their backs covered by a thick collection of trees. They carry a large pot of water from the lake to their campfire, hoisting it over the flames and boiling it to refill their water jugs. While it does, Cap tells everyone she's gonna check out the shore a little more. She's keeps her shoes on, not knowing what sort of debris could be hidden in the rocky shore.</p><p>Donnie runs up next to her, "Mind if I join you?"</p><p>She shrugs, "Sure."</p><p>They walk quietly down the beach, until they come to an old, rotted dock, attached to a large house, mostly reclaimed by nature. Trees wrap around the sides, a few poking through the roof, constricting the house, causing the siding to crumble and collapse inside of itself.</p><p>"Think there's anything good inside?" Cap says.</p><p>"One way to find out."</p><p>The front door was totally hidden by fines and flowers. Cap cuts through with her knife, "Takes forever for vines to grow like that, a good sign nobody has been around here for a while."</p><p>The inside of the house is rotten, trees growing up from underneath the floor, carpeted by moss and wildflowers. It smells like mold, age - old furniture and rugs decrepit and rotting. Big holes in the roof open up to the cloudy sky above. Cap raises her lantern, studying the walls, seeing plants grow from between the wooden slots of the walls.</p><p>"So," Donnie starts, "How did Mickey end up tagging along with you?"</p><p>Cap climbs over old, mossy furniture, "Long story."</p><p>"The short of it?"</p><p>"She and Lou were burning down Ethan's village. I fought them, and won. Lou died. Mickey didn't."</p><p>He's shakes his head, "Why keep her alive?"</p><p>Sometimes, Cap asks herself that, too, "I was just so tired of killing everybody, really. I was taking the lives of twenty people a day, and the Highwaymen never let up. They just kept comin' and comin'. It got repetitive. Bleak. But also she...she told me she should've listened to her mom. That I was just like her. Full of hope. Dreams," She sighs, "And I...As mad as I was. I couldn't kill her. She took away my best friend. Then I took away hers. I figured we were even."</p><p>"Can't imagine anybody was happy."</p><p>"Hell no," She squats on top of a branch, "I lost a lotta friends because of it. People thought I was crazy. They didn't say it to my face, but I could tell that's what they were thinking," She stands straight, looking down at Donnie, "But if they didn't like what I did so much, they didn't have to keep asking for my help. But they did."</p><p>"Uh," He kicks a rock, "I think you made the right choice. Me and the Twins knew each other since we were, like, eight. They'd torture me, yeah, but that was mostly on Lou's end. Mickey was the more..."</p><p>"Passive twin?"</p><p>"Passive would be an insult. She just wasn't interested in mindless bullying, like Lou. She only tortured me if it meant she could get something in return, like my snacks, or whatever."</p><p>She nods, "She's smart. Resourceful. She's a great asset to the valley. Nobody gives her the time of day, besides me, and some friends of mine."</p><p>"Y'know, uh," He scratches at his scar, "She and Lou never let anybody in. Kinda impressive that you're so close with her."</p><p>"Wasn't easy. It took a lot of work. A lotta kindness."</p><p>"I can believe it. She wasn't meant for that life, even if she was good at it. She used to tease me, tell me I'm not fit for the Highwaymen. I don't think she ever realized she wasn't, either."</p><p>She hops down from the branch, "Nothing here. Let's head back to camp."</p><p>They walk back, to find Mickey and Ethan sitting quietly on different sides of the campfire. Mickey picks her head up, stoking the fire with a stick, "Anything good?"</p><p>"Some big empty place that was more trees than house, and old dock," She looks at Ethan, "How's the wounds, pal?"</p><p>"Fine," He says. He's got his mother's journal open in his lap, pouring over it. She focuses on his eye and lip, which did shine with salve.</p><p>Donnie steps over, looking over his shoulder, "What're you reading?"</p><p>Ethan snaps the journal shut, "None of your business."</p><p>"Ayyy," Cap says, already stepping between them, "Donnie, come fish some dinner with me," She shoots him a tight grin.</p><p>He nods, "Yeah yeah yeah, sure."</p><p>She grabs her fishing pole from her pack, unfolding it and spinning the line. She grabs an unused pot. They walk down the shore, Donnie's hands in his pockets.</p><p>"So....What's Ethan's deal? He's...."</p><p>"Rude and confrontational?" Cap finishes with a cocked eyebrow.</p><p>"Your words, not mine."</p><p>"Well, uh, it's his story, not mine, but I doubt he'll ever tell you, so..." She shrugs, "His mom picked up him from when they lived in Bucket Valley when he was six, moved him all the way to Montana so he could be with his dad. She left him there while she walked back to die of radiation poisoning."</p><p>"That's horrible."</p><p>"Yeah. The book he was reading is his mom's journal."</p><p>"Oh, yikes, I had no idea..."</p><p>"How could you, even?" She waves a hand, "It's fine, he'll get over it. Anyway, he's left at that compound, and his dad wasn't that great, but he was the leader, so he taught him the ropes. The family trade of being a preacher. Then, when Ethan was eighteen, the guy up and left. He was lost in his own despair, since his whole family was killed just before the Collapse, and he abandoned New Eden. Everyone scattered like birds, asking for guidance. Ethan had to step up to the plate. Can't say I blame him for being pricklier than a cactus."</p><p>They stop at a part of the beach where big rocks had edged out of the water, almost creating a walkway into the water. Cap steps up, tying a piece of jerky to the end of her fishing line, and casting it. She sits, feet dangling just over the water's surface. Donnie sits down next to her.</p><p>"How'd you guys meet?"</p><p>"Me and Eth? So, the Highwaymen were tearing the valley apart, and we needed the help. I went over, helped Ethan out with a couple things, and he lent us some extra people to fuck shit up."</p><p>"He mad at Mickey for what she did?"</p><p>She's quiet for a few moments, "Uh, no. No, not really."</p><p>He makes a face, "What? Why?"</p><p>"Uh..." She clears her throat, "The night I went to that derby to kill those leaders, I was disguised, and Ethan walked right in, talking with the Twins. He....told them to burn his village down."</p><p>Donnie looks at her like she's grown three heads, "Why the Hell would he do that?"</p><p>"It's a messy story. Before the Collapse, his father, Joseph Seed, was the leader of a cult. The villagers fucking worshiped him. So when he disappeared, his flock really freaked out. They were lost without his guidance. Ethan stepped up to the plate, but they never respected him like they would Joseph. He was an outsider," And they didn't even believe Joseph was his father, "So when I show up to ask him for help, he needs my help too. He thinks his dad is dead, but the other villagers still held onto the belief he wasn't. He told me to bring him back proof his father wasn't. Well, I show up to where he was last seen, and he's nice and alive. Ethan wasn't to happy about it. He told me he hated me, and never wanted to see me again," She focuses on the bobbing line. She could read so much hurt in his face when he said it.</p><p>"Jesus...."</p><p>"Yeah. I always thought he was jealous of his father, but I don't think that's why he did it. He did it out of hate. Anger. I think he blamed Joseph for....well, everything. And he's right, anyway. Guy was an asshole," She shrugs, "Anyway, I take out the Twins, and later on find Ethan. He's all burnt up, and wounded, but alive. I took 'em both back to Prosperity, and the rest is history," She envisioned that hulking mass Ethan took the shape of. She still couldn't be positive if it was a drugged - up hallucination, or some secret power Ethan unlocked with his Rotten Gift.</p><p>"Where's his dad now?"</p><p>"He thought Ethan was dead, so he killed himself," Cap says it so cool, like she didn't try and save his life before he threw himself over that edge, "We've been keeping him in Prosperity for basically the whole year since. Hasn't stepped outside the walls once until a week ago."</p><p>"You guys seem close."</p><p>"Yeah, well, when you're someone people want to see dead, you don't get to pick your friends. Despite everything they did....I'm not mad at them. Not really. I can't say I forgive them for a bunch of the horrible shit they've done, but I see them now, helping people, putting back into our community. It's not forgiveness, but it's a start."</p><p>He line gets tugged, and she reels it in. On the other end of her hook, there's a fat, strangely - shaped fish with flippers growing in odd places. It ran from the tip of Cap's middle finger, to the bottom of her wrist, thick as her arm.</p><p>"Weird fish," She says, pulling it onto the rocks and laying it flat. She takes out her knife, slitting the gills, letting blood soak the stone, "Looks tasty though."</p><p>"You do a lot of hunting?"</p><p>"Yeah. Kinda have to. You?"</p><p>"Not really. We've got hunting parties that do that for us. I mean, you ask me to kill a deer, I can kill a deer, but if you ask me to skin and clean it, well....That's another story."</p><p>"I could teach you. You'll need it, you wanna survive out here, so...."</p><p>"I mean, yeah, sure, if that's cool."</p><p>"It's very cool."</p><p>He nods, "Cool, cool."</p><p>It only takes an hour to catch five fish, one for everyone. Cap piles them into the pot, making Donnie carry it. Nothing has changed back at the campfire, Ethan still focused on his journal, Mickey lounging. Timber was curled up by her head, side - eyeing her. Cap snorts.</p><p>"You guys comfy?"</p><p>"No. He still smells," But she reaches out and scratches behind his ears, making him lean into her.</p><p>"Ah, Timbs, you hear that? Bathtime," She claps her hands, putting on her baby voice, "C'mon, puppy, you wanna bath? Someone want a bath?" Timber pops up, barking, "Good boy!" She picks up a stick, "See it? See the stick," She turns around, pulling her arm back and launching it into the lake, "Fetch!"</p><p>Timber takes off like a bullet, straight into the water. Cap pulls off her boots, hat, and windbreaker, running after him. He paddles out, grabbing it, and coming back through. She wades through, shivering at the cold water. Timber climbs back onto the shore, shaking off water. Cap takes the stick, throwing it back into water, "Go, you stinky boy, fetch!"</p><p>When he comes back, he drops the stick, and Cap ruffles his fur, baby - talking him. She pulls her arm back, throwing the stick again. When Timber runs off, someone shoves her, and she falls into the water on her hands and knees. Rocks press into her palms, and she stumbles up, twisting around. Mickey is looking at her, smiling. Cap copies that same, troublemaking smile.</p><p>"Fuck you!"</p><p>"Oh, fuck me?" Mickey gestures to herself in mock offense, "You need a bath just as bad as your mutt does!"</p><p>Cap splashes water at her, only to get the gesture returned two - fold. It was lighter out, but the sun still hasn't shown itself. Mickey goes to push her again, and she side - steps, shouldering her into the water. Mickey falls in a deeper part of the lake, completely being submerged underneath the water surface. Cap laughs, and waits for her to resurface. And waits. And waits. Her smile falls.</p><p>"Oh fuck, Mick?" She dips her hands into the water, only to get tugged in. She inhales water, and Mickey lets go of her arms, letting her resurface. She breaks the surface, heaving air. She looks at Mickey, "That's not funny!"</p><p>"It's pretty funny," Mickey says with a laugh. She waves Cap off, "Oh, you're fine!"</p><p>Cap was fine. She sighs, gives Mickey a double - take, then pushes her back into the water. Mickey laughs, standing. Timber rushes back up, right up to Mickey, dropping the stick in the water at her feet.</p><p>"Wanna fetch, Mutt?" She picks it up, throwing it out further into the water, "Go get it!"</p><p>After twenty minutes of water - based fun, the day's travel wears on the two women, and they climb back onto the beach. Ethan had stuck the fish onto sharpened sticks, roasting them whole over the fire. He crushes some herbs up in his hands, sprinkling them over the fish. Donnie is sitting on the opposite side, hands in his lap, staring through the flames.</p><p>"It's a freshwater lake, you guys wanna bathe," Cap says, grabbing a towel from her pack and drying herself off. Ethan makes a noise of acknowledgment, but sticks to his cooking. The smell hits Cap, and she inhales, "That smells so good."</p><p>"Rosemary," Ethan says, eyes on the fire, rotating the fish over the flames.</p><p>"Nice."</p><p>"You usually cook?" Donnie asks.</p><p>"I have no idea how," Mickey says with a tired grin, flopping down in a rock. She strips off her wet overshirt, pulling a towel over her shoulders, "So it's either Cap or Eden."</p><p>"Why do they call you Eden?"</p><p>"Nobody calls me Eden," Ethan snaps, "Mickey calls me Eden."</p><p>Mickey smiles, "Yeah. Best friends. Right, Eden?"</p><p>He grumbles, stoking the fires.</p><p>When they're done, Cap plucks a fish and pulls pieces apart, feeding Timber. He rested at her side, the clouds above parting to let the sun shine, letting the sunlight dry his coat. As soon as he's fed, she takes her fish, and grins as the taste hits her.</p><p>"Ethan, you've fuckin' outdone yourself," She expertly picks a charred fin out of her gums, "This is fuckin' good."</p><p>"I had a little help from our intrepid Highwaymen deserter."</p><p>"Which one?" She asks, earning a laugh from the other two.</p><p>"Donnie," Ethan says tightly, "Helped me gut them while you two were busy drowning each other."</p><p>"What'd you do with the guts?"</p><p>He motions to a bucket covered with cloth, "Saved them, in case you wanted to fish more. I figured you could use it. As bait."</p><p>She smiles at him, "Oh, Hell yes, I'm doing that. I'm about to fish so much on my watch I'm going to feed everyone here for the next <em>month</em>," As much as she wanted to dive back into Judge's book, it wouldn't be worth much if they starved on the way back.</p><p>"So how's watch gonna work?" Donnie asks, "We doing one at a time again?"</p><p>"Pairs," Mickey says, "Me n' Cap, you and Eden."</p><p>"Sounds fine," Cap says.</p><p>"Do we need to just yet?" Donnie asks, finishing his fish, tossing the stick into the fire, "We've still got a lotta daylight before bed."</p><p>"Oh?" Mickey shuffles closer, "You gonna perform for us, Don?"</p><p>Ethan and Cap meet eyes, "Perform?" He asks.</p><p>Donnie smiles wide, "Yeah, I'm," He reaches over to his pack, and Cap had spent so much time pouring over everything else, she never even asked Donnie what he was packing. He brings out a big, comically - obvious - guitar - case - that - anybody - besides - Cap - would've - seen, and places it down. It's covered in white and red graffiti, "A bit of a musician."</p><p>"Whoa, what do you play?"</p><p>"Guitar," He pops the case open, revealing a weathered acoustic guitar. It's also covered in graffiti, "I've been playing since I was like three," He looks at her, "You know how to play, too?"</p><p>"A little bit," She finishes her fish, throwing the stick and bones into the fire and wiping her hands on her now - dry towel, "You mind?"</p><p>"Not at all," He passes the guitar to her, stowing his case away.</p><p>Cap holds it gently in her hand. She's been so busy keeping the valley together, she hasn't had time to play. She picks herself up to sit on a log. She strums the instrument softly, "Back home, in San Fran," She says, the pleasant memory bubbling up like hot tea, "I used to watch Rush play. It wasn't a hobby he shared much, but he did it, in his spare time. He had this one song he used to play to his daughter...." She struggles to remember the cords.</p><p>"<em>Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seed while I was sleeping</em>," She sings softly, "<em>And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains, within the sound of silence."</em></p><p><em>"Boo</em>," Mickey says.</p><p>"Oh, fuck you."</p><p>"Play something happy."</p><p>"OK, OK, sure," She strums again, struggling to remember the song, "<em>Take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me, I'll be gone, in a day or two,"</em> She cringes as she hits the high note, stopping, "Yeah, singing isn't my specialty."</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey says, "We can tell," She looks at Ethan, "What'd you think?"</p><p>"You should stick to fishing," He says.</p><p>"You guys suck," Cap passes the guitar back to Donnie. He stands up, and sits next to her on the log. He strums it a little more expertly, much more comfortable with the instrument than she is, "You write your own songs, Donnie?"</p><p>"Yeah, but it's fucking hard. I'm not that great at rhyming, so...."</p><p>"Songs don't always need to rhyme," Ethan says, "As long as you get your point across and it doesn't come out like a heavy rock, it's music. It's song."</p><p>"Really?" Donnie leans over his guitar, "How's that work?"</p><p>"Well, you don't need things to always meet rightly to work out. The world isn't a pair of socks. It's...." He wrings his hands slightly, "Where two things fit in surprising ways. A person and a dog working together is an example. People and dogs are different. But they work together very well. It's about finding what fits, not what matches."</p><p>Cap never heard Ethan say something so deep before. She stares hard at him, seeing his hands clench together, settling in his lap.</p><p>Donnie nods, "I get what you mean. I get it," He strums a little, "You an artist, too?"</p><p>"No - "</p><p>"Yes," Cap cuts in, "He's a poet."</p><p>"<em>Captain</em>!" He says tightly, cheeks red.</p><p>"Really? That's cool. I mean, I guess you'd have to be to say something as beautiful as that, right?" He looks down at his strings, "We could swap talents, sometime, if you want. Your rhymes, my sound. I bet we could make something neat."</p><p>Ethan eyes Cap, who nods her head, <em>Say yes!</em></p><p>He crosses his arms, shrugging, "Yeah. Sure. Sometime. Maybe."</p><p>He nods, "Cool, cool."</p><p>Ethan looks at Cap again. She gives him a thumbs up. He eyes her, but settles in again.</p><p>"Alright," Donnie announces, "I'm taking requests. Suggestions?"</p><p>"Wonderwall," Cap says.</p><p>"Fuck you."</p><p>"Play Die Antword," Mickey tells him.</p><p>"You know I hate that fucking band," He strums softly, "Nah, requests are over. I'm doing my favorite song," He taps his foot, and Cap recognizes the jingle of his boot buckles. He strums out a long intro, eyes closing. His whole body seemed to relax, loosen with the song.</p><p>"<em>Well things change fast, but this too shall pass, better carve it on your forehead, or tattoo it on your ass, cause who can tell, when the clock strikes twelve, if today's become tomorrow, or it's all just gone to Hell."</em></p><p>Cap watches him pour his heart out into the strings, and the words, like the song itself was tied to his heartbeat, playing it as natural as breathing. She glances at Ethan, who watches him with a slight wonderment. And she can see why. Donnie's voice is a hint raspy, well - tuned for singing. He's clearly a talented young man. Like with Mickey's strategy and out - of - the - box thinking, a talent like Donnie's would be wasted in a group of thugs like the Highwaymen. She looks over at Mickey, who has her knees drawn up, her cheek leaned into her hand, listening to Donnie's song.</p><p>When Donnie finishes, he rests an arm over the guitar. He exhales, "It's been weeks since I've been able to sit down and play without being interrupted."</p><p>"That was a beautiful song," Ethan says, almost quiet.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, that's why it's my favorite. It's old, from before the Big Boom. My mom used to say that phrase all the time, '<em>This too shall pass</em>."</p><p>"And where's she?"</p><p>"She, uh..." He shrugs, "Passed away a few years ago when I was 22. She got caught in a radiation storm, started growing all these," He gestures to his chest, "Tumors and lumps, just....Sucking the life out of her."</p><p>Cap sees the bob of Ethan's throat, "Sorry to hear it," He says.</p><p>"Hey," Donnie says with a shrug, "At least she died before she could see me desert the Highwaymen."</p><p>"Well, she <em>did</em> say you needed to stay on my good side," Mickey says, "She didn't say how."</p><p>"Am I on your good side now?"</p><p>She shrugs, "Sure. For now, anyway," She throws the remnants of her dinner into the fire, standing, brushing off her pants, "So, who's first watch?"</p><p>"We'll take it," Donnie says, "That OK?"</p><p>Ethan shrugs, "Sure."</p><p>"We could take a look at some of that poetry you mentioned."</p><p>"It's unlikely."</p><p>They wish the boys goodnight, settling into their bedrolls a yard away. Mickey moved hers closer, settling in right next to Cap, immediately curling her arms around Cap's waist and laying her head on her chest.</p><p>"Donnie seems real nice," Cap says, softly rubbing Mickey's earlobe between her fingers."</p><p>"Well, don't get too excited. He's not into girls."</p><p>"Good for him."</p><p>They don't say anything else, letting the warm sun and the breeze coax them into a sleep</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Cap wakes up with Mickey sprawled over her body, snoring into her cheek. Cap rolls over, onto her side, causing Mickey to stir. They both blearily wake, and look at the sky. It's just past the afternoon, edging into the evening. They dress, pick themselves up, and look over at the fire. Ethan has his nose buried in his mother's journal, Donnie softly strumming his guitar a foot away from him.</p><p>"Mornin'," Cap says with a yawn.</p><p>"It's the afternoon," Donnie says.</p><p>"Yeah, and?" She rolls her shoulders out, shouldering her fishing pole and grabbing the bucket of fish guts Ethan set away for her, "You guys go get some rest. I'm gonna fish some jerky."</p><p>The boys bid them a goodnight, then settle into their own bedrolls. Cap snaps her fingers.</p><p>"Timbs? Watch," She gestures to the boys. Timber huffs, circling, then sitting between the two. Once he's settled, the two girls wander down the beach, until they come to that same rocky jetty Cap and Donnie had come to before. They climb up, walk to the end, and sit down. Mickey leans back on the rocks, staring at the sky while Cap casts her line.</p><p>After an hour of silence, Cap has six small fish. She gets to chopping the heads off of them, slicing their bodies and filleting the scales off. She carefully debones them, then takes out a small satchel of salt and spices and preps them. She stands, wiping off her hands on her pants.</p><p>"Watch the fish for me while I get my book."</p><p>"You sure that's a good idea?" Mickey asks, eyes closed as she enjoys the sun, "Won't want you to have another nightmare tomorrow."</p><p>Cap blushes, "Oh, c'mon, I won't."</p><p>"How far are you into that book?"</p><p>"Almost finished. Two more chapters."</p><p>"And we've got about," She thinks, shrugs, "Ten more days until we're in Michigan. I'm sure you can put off finishing it for a few days."</p><p>"Mickey - "</p><p>She sits up, "It's not gonna kill you - "</p><p>"It won't kill me," Cap says defensively, "But I want to finish the book."</p><p>"So, let's say you finish it today, tomorrow, the next few days. You gonna share it with Ethan?"</p><p>"Yes, I am."</p><p>"And how do you think he'll react to you having the book all this time? Filled with all those family secrets you've had your hands on?"</p><p>"He'll be fine," Cap says.</p><p>Even though, deep down, she fears he won't be. She knows he won't be. He's stressed enough as it was with the business in Bucket Valley and his mother. If he knew the sickening things his father and his siblings had done, it might just be more than a shock. It could cause Ethan to rage and, deep down, Cap is always thinking about that side of him. The side brought out by his Rotten Gift. It's never made an appearance after that one night, and Ethan had been plenty angry time and time again, but Cap could never be sure. She's not scared of him, she never was, never would be, but she feared for him. She'd already tried to put him down once, thankfully failing. She didn't want to be forced a second time, and succeed.</p><p>Mickey leans her cheek into her hand, "Sure he'll be," She puts her hands up, in defeat, "Fine. Go ahead, get your book. I'm not gonna stop you. But when this blows up, I will rub it in your face."</p><p>Cap flips her off, then stomps back to the camp. When she gets closer to her pack, she notices Ethan is still awake. He still has his nose in his mother's journal. She looks at Donnie. He's fast asleep, Timber on guard next to him.</p><p>"How goes it?" She asks Ethan.</p><p>"Fine," He flips a page, but pauses, "You want to know?"</p><p>She kneels down, "Sure."</p><p>"So far, there's more devotion, and love. I'm just about through with it, and yet....." He shakes his head, "There's nothing here that showed that my father and mother had any sort of physical relationship. She gets..." He sucks in air, "Creative with some of her wording, but nothing descriptive. As far as I've gathered, she was just another follower to him."</p><p>"How many pages left?"</p><p>"Has to be another hundred or so."</p><p>"Well, don't lose hope just yet. People like to shoehorn all the good parts at the end. I'm sure it'll explain everything you need."</p><p>He nods, "I just hope so."</p><p>"But if there's nothing, hey, we can go back to your mom's bunker and dig around a little more. I found that in her mattress. Could've missed something. Or the twins might have something they forgot about."</p><p>He nods again, "Sure, sure....."</p><p>She quickly grabs Judge's book, "Get some sleep, Eth. Long journey ahead," She waves, and walks back to the rocks. Mickey was still lounging on the rocks.</p><p>"Back already?"</p><p>"Yupp," Cap sits down, cracking open Judge's book.</p><p>"Gonna read to me?"</p><p>Cap grins, shaking her head.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>um short chapter, lotta words, no judge chapter LOL im sorry.......more to come :) thanks for reading!!!!!!!!</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4">Cap’s first song</a>
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  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914">Cap’s second song</a>
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  <a href="https://youtu.be/Tg5kB4UcAuA">Donnie’s favorite song</a>
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        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh boy i am. so sorry this took so long. im having a little trouble transcribing faith's region lol. should be a lot more fun next chapter, though. thanks for reading!!!!</p><p>Never posted <a href="https://5un5yst.tumblr.com/post/622767039298387968/my-dep">this art of my deputy aiden lol</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>That night, I have a dream about Jacob Seed. Not a nightmare, a dream. He's alone, wandering around this some ashy forest. I'm following behind, like his own personal cameraperson. He's covered in blood, like a wolf that mauled its prey to death. He's mumbling to himself, walking ahead. I can't remember the rest, but it left me with a heavy sadness when I woke up the next day, next to my hangover.</em>
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  <em>I really don't feel bad for him. I don't have a fucking hint of sympathy for that motherfucker. I don't know how clear it is for you, Cap, but I'm heavily fucking disillusioned by any sort of authority. Cops, military, none of it fucking matters. They're pigs in a pen, cogs in a machine. I regret being a cop now. They never helped people. All they did was uphold age - old systems that never worked in the first place.</em>
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  <em>But I have to wonder, would Jacob even have met up with his brothers again had he not been so fucked up and over by the military? Maybe if he never was thrown out like fucking trash, treated like scum on the bottom of your boot for being homeless, he'd stay as far fucking away from his brothers as possible.</em>
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  <em>Useless to talk about it now, I guess.</em>
</p><p>The adjacent page is more sketches of Jacob Seed. They're not like Judge's other artworks, finished and neat. These are messy, half - finished. Some are portraits, glimpses of his face, or parts of his body, holding guns, his music box. There's a finished one after the messy pictures, of Pratt and Hudson. They're both suited up, guns holstered and shouldered. They're leaning against the side of a truck, taking a break.</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, I wake up the next morning. Jess is there. I'm still alive. The sun still shines. And I've only got one more sibling before I can get to Joseph.</em>
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  <em>I take a week to myself first. I call up some of my friends, sweep the area. We kill every Chosen and Peggie we see, take out some roaming Judges. Hudson is a fucking beast with a shotty now, blowing guys through doors and wolves off the cliffsides. She's turned herself into a righteous powerhouse, and with Grace with a rifle right over her shoulder, they're forces to be reckoned with. I've barely gotta lift a finger while they tear shit up. We force most, if not all of, the Peggies over to the Henbane, pushing like motherfuckers. Like Holland Valley, Whitetail Mountains were now liberated and free.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So the week passes, and I bid the Whitetails goodbye, take some supplies, and go on my way. I've got Boomer running beside me, and we stop at this bridge that connects the mountains to the river. On the other side, I see barrels of Bliss smoking. I can smell the bitterness all the way from the other side. I look at Boomer, and he's pacing around, sniffing the air, too. I sigh, pat his head. Everyone else was otherwise occupied. I didn't want to be alone, but I had no idea how the Bliss would affect him. I scribble out a letter on a piece of scrap paper, tie it up to his collar, and send him to Pratt.</em>
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  <em>I cross the bridge, and immediately, I'm hit with Bliss. It warps my whole world. Everything seems brighter, sharper, but also makes me dizzy. I stumble a bit. I finally get to the other end of the bridge, and knock over the Bliss barrels.</em>
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  <em>Honestly, over the course of my time in the valley, I dumped to much Bliss, if the Collapse never happened, the county would have to be quarantined for being an ecological disaster.</em>
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  <em>I pick up a call on my radio. It's some guy talking about Angels in a trailer park nearby. With no idea where to start, I head over to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One thing I notice about Faith's region is how fucking quiet it is. No animals, no birds. I don't even hear the breeze rustle the trees around me. I don't pass anybody on the road. I don't even see a fucking bird in the sky. Everything, despite how late in the afternoon it was, seemed to be trapped in an eternal morning fog.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith was going to be a trip, both literally, and figuratively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The guy I'm looking for is set up in a trailer park, a little circle of trailer homes with a playground in the center. He's up on top of one of them, waving around a flamethrower, yelling and screaming at....nobody a all. I climb up, careful. He sees me out of the corner of his eye, and aims the gun at me, screaming about how I'm never gonna take him alive. I put my hands up because, well, I sure don't want to be flambéed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get the fuck out of here, Johnny Law, I know my rights!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He recognizes me, at least. I point at my clothes, "You see a badge anywhere, pal?" I tell him. I say that I heard that he needed help up here, and that's what I come to do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah. I could use some help," He lowers his weapon. He apologizes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he introduces himself as Charlemange Victor Boshaw. Or, Sharky, for short. Fucking coolest guy I know. Or, knew. Guy was a riot when I was around, and he didn't let the Collapse dim that flame, thank God. Motherhood did make him a little soft, though. Maybe not soft. Responsible. I think it made him look for what he never had.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Welcome to the disco inferno, man. It's my special place where I can just be me without the prying eyes of my PO, or witnesses, or law enforcement types such as yourself. Here is where I am free to unleash my fire and mayhem in a pants free, consequence free environment. I have pants on now, yes, but who knows what the next half - hour, forty - five minutes hold."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll be honest, Cap, I was jealous of Sharky. This guy was out here fucking people up, doing his own thing. Nobody was holding him up on a pedestal. On his own, killing Peggies. As a hobby. I wish I had that luxury, that cool composure to just....go on, and be you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, he goes on to describe his little playground he's got. He's got a speaker system set up, and he tells me every time he cranks the music up, the Angels come running. I've met a few before, but not many, and I shivered to know what kind of damage a group of them could do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And don't worry, man, the angels they are already brain dead. I'm just giving them a glorious send off to disco heaven man. You wanna help? It's good fun, man. I promise not to tell anyone. We don't even have to wear pants or nothin'."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky's cavalier attitude to burning people alive was really fucking disconcerting, but, well.....If we didn't, the Angels would've just gone on to wreck mayhem on the valley, so. Lose - lose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me to take up flamethrower, or whatever I've got. I suit up, and he hits the speakers. Classic disco starts playing, and I'm like. OK. Change of pace. First time I've heard disco in the valley, mostly country, gospel, or rock.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, we're barely up there for ten seconds, before I see Angels in the treelines. They run out, like ghosts, Bliss whisping off of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In case I didn't make it clear, Cap, Angels were people so drugged up on Bliss it lobotomized them. If you catch them early into the process, you can recover them, but once you enter the Bliss, and decide you don't wanna leave.....That's it for you. You're gone. And believe me, everyone's tried. It wasn't like Jacob, where you could pull someone out of conditioning with unconditioning. Faith's little Angel projects were using hard drugs, shit I've never heard of before. It was a brain damage in a barrel. There was no hope for anybody under it's effects for too long.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Angels swarm the park. I'm taking pot shots, and they go down, but they come right back up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whoah, they are angry today!" Sharky says, taking shots.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hate Faith's region. John's made me angry, Jacob's made me angry, but Faith's just made me fucking sad. It was a depressing place, and no matter how bright the sun shone, it was always fucking foggy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky is singing along, "Burn baby burn! Disco inferno!" Fssshhhh goes his flamethrower, "I used to dream about doing this at a Grateful Dead concert!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As much as he confused me, and worried me, I was impressed he was keeping his cool. This really was a hobby for him. An Angel climbs up on top of the trailer, Sharky's back turned, and I shot its head off. He twists around, looks at me, and gives me a thumbs up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Angels thin out, and Sharky tells me it's time for a breather. Well, he goes to turn the music off, and the pedal shorts out. The music still plays. We both make panicked eye contact, and we split up to blow up the speakers. I toss some grenades up into their stands, blowing them to Hell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you thought the Highwaymen were a swarm, Angels were a legion. Just....tens of them, coming out. We had enough ammo to last us days, but with the amount of Angels attacking, we'd burn out in a manner of hours.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, we shut everything down, and clear the rest out. Sharky sighs heavy, rips off this headset he's wearing and throws his flamethrower down. We're both ashy and bloody, and he invites me down into his trailer. He pops open this minifridge he's got, and brings out a six pack of beer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That," He says, passing me a cold one, "Was awesome! I wish all cops were cool like you," We cheer our drinks, and I down it. We toss our empty cans away, "What can I say, amigo? You and me, we got chemistry. We're like.....we're like a freakin' team!" He starts doing this little shuffle where he stands, like he's excited and he can't stand still, "Alright, man, good to meet you. Get back out there, fuck those Peggies up. But...call me next time you're takin' on the Angels!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him, Well, I'm don't know how many Angels I'll come across, but I'll need a friend to help me out as I try to navigate the land. I watch this man's eyes light up, then he brings out this shotgun. It's blue with flames painted on the sides. He shakes me hand, and we've been best bros ever since.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was true I needed his help in the valley, I certainly didn't do anything so far all on my own, but I also had a feeling I needed to keep an eye on the guy. And I was right, too, since he ended up being Hurk's cousin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I see him now in Prosperity, I just wanna walk right up to him, and shake his hand again. As depressing at the Henbane River was, guy always had something to smile about.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Sharky Boshaw, younger, with less beard. He's got a big headset on, and a flamethrower in his hands, looking proudly off into the distance.</p><p>
  <em>So, just a couple yards away from the park, there's this field of Bliss flowers. Peggies have just spread the seeds wherever they could in the valley. I approach them, kindly run my fingers over the petals. Then I hear laughing. It's a woman's voice, soft and airy. I turn around, and there she is, on the other side of the field. Faith Seed. I walk through quick, gun ready in case she pulls anything. She's calm, smiling as I approach. I get close, and she explodes into a cloud of mist. More laughing, and I'm pulled away. Away from Sharky, the field. Hell, I think I'm out of the valley now. I'm somewhere all white.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear giggling, "Welcome to the Bliss," Faith's head pops up into view. She blows more Bliss, disappearing. I wave it out of my face, trying to look around, but I'm stuck in this endless whiteness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And her villain monologue starts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know you've heard stories about me," Presumptuous on her part. I haven't heard anything more than that she sucks, and that she's a Seed, and that she, one day, just popped up in the Family, like a snap of your fingers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Here's the thing, Cap: There never was a Seed sister. It's only been the brothers. They would take a young woman, usually with addiction problems, and try to mold them into the perfect women. Into the physical embodiment of Faith. There were plenty others before this Faith, but the Faith I knew was the most dangerous and the most cunning. There was something in her that Joseph Seed saw that he never did in the other Faiths before her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That I'm a liar. A manipulator," The smoke clears to reveal a forest. The trees are lined up, like gravestones, butterflies and mist all around. I follow a butterfly, and feel someone grab my hand. I look over, and it's Faith. She's got this short lace dress on, a little ragged at the ends and sleeves, with flowers on her waist. Her hair is down, framing her face. She looked so innocent, like a young girl, instead of the adult woman I knew she was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was disarmed. It was part on the Bliss, part on her youthful look. For a second, I thought she was a real kid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, she grabs my hand, and she speaks more, "That I poison people's minds...." She pulls me further into the field, and I'm focused on her. The last thing I felt around her was pain. I felt....peace. Like nothing could hurt me there, "Well.....let me tell you a different story. A true story."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've got no choice but to follow her. She sits me down in the field, and she stares right into my eyes, and I could feel her presence in me, inside my head. She plays with my hands, and she looks so sad, "There once was a young woman who had been ostracized by her community. Bullied by her friends. Abused by her family. She took to a needle for help. She was all alone. She wanted to die."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A little tear rolled down her cheek. If she hadn't been a cult leader, she'd make one Hell of an actress. I was pulled in. I raised a hand, hesitating, before brushing that tear away. She leaned into my cheek, eyes closing, and those instincts in me kicked in. That need to help and protect. She looked so sad and scared and innocent. She sang her siren song and it pulled me in like I was a fish on a hook.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's exactly what made her as dangerous as her brothers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pulls away, holding my hand between her two. She looks at me, and smiles, "And then she met the Father," She grabs my hand, and pulls me up to run through the field, leading on. She giggles, and points to a statue far into the distance. You've seen the ruins before but, well, before it was ruins, it was a big statue, dedicated to the Father in plaster and stone. It was a big, disgusting monument to his hubris and narcissism.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He gave her hope, and confidence. The Father showed how special she was, how she was full of love and life," She did this twirl, dress spinning, "He gave her a new family, one that accepted her just as she was," She strokes the back of her hand down my cheek, "The young woman no longer wished to die. She had been given purpose."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's when shit got really weird.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She opened her arms, and mist floated around us. She grew wings made out of Bliss, and rose into the air. She gently took my hands, and I lifted into the air, too, the ground falling away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"One day, the Father brought her here. He asked if she had faith in him. He asked if she would be willing to die for him. The young woman, who very much wished to live, was scared."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We fly through the air. We dip low, close to the water, and I run my hands through it. It's cold, and wet, like a real river. We fly for the big, ugly statue of Joseph Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The Father told her this was her test. He would have Faith in her, if she had faith in him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to the statue, and she drops me right on top of the open book the statue in holding.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So she closed her eyes, and leapt. The Father kept his word."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She flies backwards, and my eyes are immediately drawn to Burke, who's standing at the edge of the book. That breaks me out of her spell. I stare at him, but her voice echoes all around. I see a butterfly land on his shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The path to Eden is clear to those who have faith."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Burke turns around, hand outstretched to me, "Walk the path," He falls forward, over the edge.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With no other choice, I follow him. I fall, fall, fall, and I'm thinking to myself, You've just killed yourself, idiot. Good job.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I wake up before I hit the water. I'm still near the trailer park. Sharky is looking down at me, blocking the sun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"God, man, you OK? Yeah, should've warned you about the Bliss flowers. Sorry, man, that - that's on me," He holds out a hand, and helps me up, "Lemme guess, you saw Faith?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Gnarly stuff, man. But hey, don't worry. She can't hurt you as long as you stay away from her fields. That's when she," He wiggles his fingers, "Appears."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him how that makes any sense. He shrugs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But be careful, man, the further you follow her, the closer you get to becoming one of her Angels. Lost a lotta friends to her."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him he must be pretty strong willed to resist her charms and promises.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nah, man, I'm just so over the goo - goo ga - ga, baby face Faith is playing up. Like, who wants to hang with a chick who acts like an eight year old? All she does is giggle and sit around in her fields. It's boring, man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him I'm happy to know someone as realistic and smart as him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not to worry, amigo. You start mumbling and your eyes start going white, I'll Old Yeller you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thank him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you feel any different?" Faith goes. I know it's in my radio, but my senses are still plugged up by Bliss, so it sounds like it's coming from my head, "Do you feel alive? The first step is always the scariest, but we all have faith in you. Follow the Pilgrimage. Walk the Path. I'll see you soon...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The feelings I had in the Bliss dissipate, like Faith's tricks. I was going to make sure she went down like the rest of the Seeds, and she could cry and scream all she wanted. Nothing was gonna stop me. But I had to be careful. She had Burke.</em>
</p><p>The next page isn't a drawing, or paper. It's a pressed flower. It was white with a dark stem, shriveled petals sticking together. Last time Cap saw a flower like that, it was in Joseph's sanctuary up North. She picks it up, spinning it between her fingers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
The daylight wanes, night coming quickly. Soon as the sun is down, Cap packs up the fish jerky in a small burlap bag, salted and dried. A chill rolls from the lake, causing Cap to pull her windbreaker tighter. Mickey is still awake, and stretches.</p><p>"Yeah. Think it's time to roll out now."</p><p>They grab their things, walking back to camp. Donnie is awake, writing in a faded leather journal. He notices the girls walking up, and closes his book, standing.</p><p>"Time to go?"</p><p>"Yeah. Let's get to it."</p><p>Cap packs away some of her stuff, then goes to wake Ethan up. She kneels down, softly shaking his shoulder. He stirs, pulls his coat over him tighter. Mickey comes up behind her, toeing her out of the way with her boots.</p><p>"Hey, Eden," Mickey grabs the coat, pulling it up and off of him, "Get up, we're going," She throws the coat back at him.</p><p>Ethan twists up, teeth grit, "I'm going," He snaps, throwing the coat off.</p><p>"C'mon, choir boy, let's go," She whistles, clapping her hands, bending over, like she was calling Timber, "C'mon boy, wanna go for a walk?"</p><p>"I hate you," Ethan says disdainfully. Cap puts out a hand for him to take as he stands, but he doesn't, groaning as he stands.</p><p>"How's the burns?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>"And the - "</p><p>"Captain, not now."</p><p>She puts her hands up, "Alright, alright."</p><p>He sighs, "Five minutes to pack, then you can attack me with questions."</p><p>"Alright, alright."</p><p>They pack in record time, and get on their way. Cap makes it six minutes before she starts bombarding him with questions again. They're mostly about his burns, and his eye and lip. His burns were fine, and the eye and lip were healing nicely. When she's sure he's alright, she moves up to Mickey.</p><p>"Your pet project back there OK?"</p><p>"Yeah, he's fine," She lets the harsh jab at Ethan slide, for the moment, "How many days left?"</p><p>"This'll be day eleven. We're already two days out from Bucket Valley, so we've got ten more days."</p><p>"Woof."</p><p>"Yeah. We'll make it, though. And we won't reach the Deadzone until five more days."</p><p>"You've been. How bad's the radiation?"</p><p>"Pretty fuckin' bad. Was worse when we were younger, but it's not that kinder now. It's no longer a cloud, it's like..." She thinks, "Like a remnant of it is in everything. The air, the water, the trees, the animals."</p><p>Radiation storms are pretty common," Donnie butts in between the two, "But they're easy to avoid. Highwaymen built shelters and bunkers around the roads to avoid them."</p><p>"But we can't go near the roads is the problem," Mickey says, "If we do, we'll get spotted."</p><p>"I'm with you, remember? It's part of the deal. I'll get you safe massage to Michigan, don't worry."</p><p>Cap tilts her head, "We need to disguise Mickey then once we get closer."</p><p>"OK, but I'm not cutting my hair or taking my piercings out."</p><p>".......Maybe it's better we take the backroads then."</p><p>Donnie shrugs, "I'm sure it'll be fine. I didn't even know it was you until you started talking."</p><p>"We should make a cover story," Cap offers.</p><p>"Easy," Mickey answers, "We're messengers sent from Montana to drop stuff off for my mom after some of the other leaders still in my chapter found a letter and a box of things we wanted her to have in case of me and Lou's untimely deaths. Donnie was close with us, and when he found out about some messengers who were heading out to Michigan, he wanted to come along, to give our mom his condolences."</p><p>Donnie nods, "Sounds pretty concrete."</p><p>"What if they ask to see the stuff?" Cap asks.</p><p>"We'll say it's for her eyes only, and Donnie'll vouch for us. Right?"</p><p>"Right."</p><p>"But next time we stop, I'll collect some shit and put it in a sack. If I even left anything at all, I't'd probably just be my helmet, and last time I saw that was back in New Eden."</p><p>"So we'll find some molten blue plastic and animal teeth and say that's all that's left," Cap fixes the paracords around her shoulders.</p><p>"Yeah. I'm sure that'll be enough proof," Mickey says sarcastically.</p><p>"What about your notebook?"</p><p>She goes quiet, then grins, "That's better than any helmet. Good idea, Cap."</p><p>Cap laces an arm with Mickey's, "That's me. One good idea after another."</p><p>Mickey hums, "Sure. Yeah."</p><p>They stop hours later, when the sky lightens again. They delve deep into the forest they travelled through. They find a clearing of trees that were tilting over a short, dirt ridge. Everything was cast in the gentle, blue hue of the morning. They set up camp underneath the ridge, in the petrified dirt. Cap passes around the fish jerky she'd made. They split up the watch in pairs again. This time, they split it Mickey and Ethan, Donnie and Cap. Donnie and Cap take first watch, and sit up on the upper ridge overlooking their camp. But Ethan and Mickey aren't so tired yet, it being early, so they sit down by the exposed roots of the trees, the both of them reading.</p><p>Donnie gently strummed his guitar, humming quietly. Cap watched him with interest, seeing how he picked the strings. Timber was curled up on his side, his head on Donnie's thigh.</p><p>"Hey, Captain?" Ethan calls from below.</p><p>Cap looks over, "Yeah?"</p><p>"Have you been through my things?"</p><p>"No, why?"</p><p>He holds up a pressed, white flower. The petals were wilted, the stem dark. It was the Bliss flower from Judge's book. Cap inhales sharply, formulating her lie quickly, "Yeah, I....took it from Joseph's sanctuary the first time I went up North. It was so pretty, I thought I'd press and keep it."</p><p>"You should get rid of it," He says, "Bliss flowers are very potent, even pressed and dried."</p><p>Cap shrugs, "Sorry. Should've brought it to an expert herbologist when I found it," She hops down from the ridge, ready to pluck it out of Ethan's hand, but holds it back and up, out of her reach. She frowns, "Hey - "</p><p>"As I said. You need to be careful," He bends down, reaching into his herbal kit. He takes out a tall jar, filled with other white flowers with dark stems. He drops Cap's flower inside, sealing the jar again, "There. I think I'll just hold onto it for a while."</p><p>"Alright," She agrees, "You know more about your magic cult plants than I do," She puts her hands on her hips, "If Bliss flowers are so dangerous, why carry a jar of them around? And....Where'd you get them, anyway?"</p><p>"Because they could be useful," He places the jar back into his bag, "They're hallucinogens, meaning we could use them to make a quick escape, and confuse raiders or Highwaymen. Not animals, though, it just makes them more violent. And I had some of Selene's scouts look for a few up North. But I made it clear to her that these were not to be smoked up."</p><p>Cap laughs, "Did you take all of them?"</p><p>"Just in case," He digs further into his pack, bringing out a folded leather wallet. He opens it, and inside are glass vials filled with pale green liquid, "Besides, we have enough diluted Bliss oil. Never bad to be over prepared."</p><p>"So..." Donnie says from above, legs dangling over the ridge, "How long have you been an herbologist?"</p><p>"I'd say..." Ethan thinks, "Since I was young. Six, seven, maybe," His eyebrows raise, looking at Cap, "Speaking of herbs, you still haven't brewed any of that tea I gave you."</p><p>She grimaces, rubbing the back of her neck, "Yeah.....Sorry. I'll make some after me 'n Donnie's shift?" She shrugs.</p><p>Ethan gives her a look, then sighs through his nose, "As long as you use it, I don't care when."</p><p>Mickey and Ethan settle in for the night. Cap and Donnie make small talk, mostly soft words about their journey ahead, or music. She decides not to bring out Judge's book, as it would've no doubt filled Donnie with more questions. Their shift passes without issue. Cap puts on a small pot of water for her tea while Donnie wakes Ethan and Mickey. He stays awake, though, sitting with her.</p><p>"You having nightmares too?" She asks him.</p><p>"No, but, well....Highwaymen aren't known for their tea, so......I'm dying for a good cup.</p><p>She smiles, and scoops out a cup for him. She sniffs her own cup, inhaling a mix of scents, but mostly lavender. She blows on it, then carefully takes a sip. It goes down smoothly and warmly. She relaxes, curling up in her windbreaker.</p><p>"Woo, that's nice," Donnie says, "What's in it?"</p><p>She struggles to remember, "Lavender, valerian root, hops and....ginseng?"</p><p>"No ginseng," Ethan calls from above, "I couldn't find it, remember?"</p><p>"Oh, right. Yeah, just those, then," She shoots Ethan a thumbs up, "It's good!"</p><p>"Yeah," Donnie shoots him a thumbs up as well, "Good job!"</p><p>"Go to sleep!" Mickey shouts from above.</p><p>Cap and Donnie both grumble, but sequester their tea away, and then turn in for the day.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Night falls, and Cap awakens feeling slightly sluggish. <em>Fuck, think that tea worked a little too well.</em> She shuts her eyes, sighing through her nose. She feels someone stand over her.</p><p>"C'mon, Cap, up and attem."</p><p>She turns over on her back, holding her arms out, eyes closed, "Kiss first?" She hears her kneel down next to her, then feels her get her nose flicked.</p><p>"Get up," She says, a little snarky, but when Cap opens her eyes, Mickey is smiling, "Or you can stay here while we go to Michigan."</p><p>"You wouldn't last a day without me out there," Cap says, folding her hands behind her head.</p><p>"Wanna bet?" Mickey flicks her nose again, "C'mon, let's go."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah."</p><p>They pack up, and again, they're on their way, Cap trudging the sled along. It started to rain lightly, just mist and light droplets. Cap joins Mickey at the front.</p><p>"So," Cap says, "What's your mom like? She nice?"</p><p>"She's a fuckin' saint," Mickey says, "Which is why she's out in Michigan, and not out West," Mickey looks up from her map, "She knows how to fight, sure, but she hated confrontation. She'd talk every problem out if she could."</p><p>"So...how'd they meet? Her and your dad?"</p><p>Mickey adjusts her pack, "They met pre - Boom. Pops was from a rougher side of life, always in some sort of trouble. Mom, though, she stuck to the tracks, kept her nose out of trouble. Well, dad was going to college, and met my mom there. Long story short, they were together for a while, then had me n' Lou. Then the bombs dropped, and we went underground. We came out a little while later, my dad and a few other people banded together, and bam, Highwaymen were born."</p><p>"They fight about that a lot?"</p><p>She nods, "Yeah. My mom didn't see the use in shaking folks down for their goods. Pops did. Said it was was what we needed to do to survive. When Dad decided we were old enough to take part in the family business, he took us. Mom and him fought hard, always yelling. We were six when we moved out West. Pretty sure that was the last time my mom and dad ever saw each other."</p><p>"Sorry to hear it."</p><p>"She was right, in the end. Like she always was. Highwaymen never bring anything good into the world. I..." She grimaces, "I always think about seeing her again. Would she even recognize me?"</p><p>"Oh, of course she will," Cap says adamantly, "Mom never forgets her kid."</p><p>"That's true. And," Mickey pulls on one of her braids, "How many other girls with white hair are walking around?"</p><p>"I still can't believe that's your natural hair color. I always thought you bleached it."</p><p>"I wish I fucking bleached it. I hate this shit," She pulls, "Lou always said it made us look tougher."</p><p>"So why don't you like it?"</p><p>"Makes me stand out too much."</p><p>"And the piercings and tattoos don't?"</p><p>"I can change piercings and cover tattoos, smartass. Can't change the color of my hair."</p><p>"Sure you can. You can make pigments and dyes, brush it through with a comb. Your hair is so light, it'll keep whatever you put in there."</p><p>"I could try, but I'd have to reapply it so often, it wouldn't even be worth it," She sighs, "Guess I'll just have to keep my old lady hair forever."</p><p>"Oh, stop!" Cap loops an arm with hers, playing with one of her braids, "I think you look nice. It's you."</p><p>Mickey doesn't say anything else. She looks back at her map.</p><p>The next two days are uneventful. They stop for the day, Cap unable to read her book because she gets paired with Ethan or Donnie. By night three, it started to rain. A mudslide took out the path they were following, forcing them closer to the main road. No one liked being so close, as they could hear Highwaymen patrols coming up or down, and had to take cover in the trees until they passed.</p><p>Night turns to day, and on day four, they stop. They try to camp far out into the forest that lined the broken, craggy highway they were following, but most of the area was densely packed trees who's trunks and branches twisted and merged with one another, making natural fences and walls that they couldn't cut through. It forced them much too close for comfort to the road.</p><p>Ethan and Donnie take first shift. Cap has a little of that nightmare - away tea Ethan made her, and she's out like a light right after.</p><p>She and Mickey are woken up later on, and they set up shop high in the trees. The branches entwined with one another, creating a solid net the two set up on. It wasn't comfortable, but it was solid, and sturdy. The two had no worried about falling through.</p><p>"Just one more day until town," Mickey says.</p><p>"What's the place called?"</p><p>"Hell's Edge."</p><p>"Oh. Pretty fitting."</p><p>"Yeah. It's only three miles from the Deadzone limits."</p><p>"What's up with the town?"</p><p>"Same as Bucket Valley, but shittier. Whorehouses, armory, vendors of all kinds. They're a little less kind there, with a lot more Highwaymen. But, nobody really asks questions, so we'll be able to find some extra mask filters, and a mask for Ethan, no problem, long as we stick to ourselves.</p><p>"Awesome. We're lucky we haven't run into any radiation storms so far yet."</p><p>"They usually don't come out this far."</p><p>The two eventually devolve into a comfortable silence, up in the trees. Mickey takes out a book, and Cap picks the Judge's journal up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Well, soon as me and Sharky set off, we get a call on the radio. It's some sour - sounding lady, asking for help trying to find a lot cougar. Yeah, a cougar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Guess this is where I take some responsibility for my actions with the cult. Yes, I did teach the people of New Eden how to train cougars. That's on me. But, to my credit, it seemed to be a natural ability only I possessed, since about half of the recruits always ended up being treated for maulings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, Sharky tells me it's this local taxidermy shop, called Peaches Taxidermy, run by a woman named Miss Mable. She's mean as Hell, but we should help her out. I agree, and we head out. The madame in question is raising Hell around her shop, yelling out and stomping around. We stop her, and ask her the situation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Those miserable shitheads raided my place tryin' to kill my Peaches. Now she's raced off for her revenge."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn't fight a grin on my face. Killer cougar with a mean streak. Sounded like a job only I could handle. Miss Mable tells me that Peaches has probably gone off to feed on some stray Peggies at a campsite close by.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, me and Sharky head down there, and boy, does it smell. Rancid meat and decay. Peaches is there, and to both of our delight, and also horror, she's chewing on the body of a Peggie. In fact, there's a few Peggie bodies lying around. I get the idea to pick up a stray limb Peaches has separated from a body, and hold it out for her, like a treat. I coax her a little, Sharky behind me and holding onto my shoulders in fear, and we both jump a foot back when she snatches the thing out of my hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I saw a man get torn apart by wolves the week before, but Peaches digs into this arm like it's her fucking job. I look back and Sharky, and we share the same grin. When Peaches is done, she looks up, and stalks over to us. You know how they move, like water, crouched low to the ground. But she comes right up, sniffs at my boots. Sharky is laughing in fear behind, and I'm just about to piss my pants.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she raises her head, and looks at me. I pet her on the head, and she pushes into the petting, "Good kitty...." I say. Not really a cat person, myself, but she took a liking to me quick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Our special moment between human and man - eating cougar is ruined by Peggies, looking for revenge for their fallen family. Well, I pull my hand away, and in the blink of an eye, Peaches is off like a shot. Me and Sharky stand still for a little bit, until we hear gunfire and screaming. We run up the campsite hill, and we see Peaches just tearing Peggies apart, like they're stuffed dolls instead of people. We fight, running up the hill back to the taxidermy shop. Cultists swarmed the property, but me and Sharky and Peaches are a trio of violence, and we kill everybody in a matter of three minutes or so. Peaches is covered in blood by the end of it, and Sharky is putting out a cinder in his beard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Miss Mable is less than happy about the destruction of her property, but is happy to have Peaches back. She tells us we can borrow the sweet kitty anytime we want, since now she's got a hunger for Peggie blood.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Peaches. She's curled up on top of a picnic table, sleeping soundly.</p><p>
  <em>As I debate whether to bring Peaches along that time, there's another radio call. It's from a marina more North. Sharky recognizes it immediately as his aunt Adelaide, Hurk's mom. He hadn't heard from her in a few days, and from the sound of her voice, she sounded like she needed help. We collected our new feline friend, and headed off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We stake out in a tall ridge a couple yards away from the marina itself. It's swarmed with cult scum, already boarding the building up and taking supplies. Sharky asks me what our next move is. He's antsy, and I can't blame him. I take out a rifle Grace gave me. It was sleek and black, with a powerful 14x scope, and padded grip. I didn't have the chance to really use it yet, and I guessed that now would be a great time. I tell Sharky to take Peaches while I watched from the trees, covering him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How much noise you want me to make?" He asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Enough to make the Angels fuckin' sing, Sharky."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smiles big, and he and Peaches run down. Soon as I hear yelling, I open fire on every head that shows up in my scope. I don't know where the Hell Jacob Seed got that rifle, but it was a powerhouse. It popped heads like balloons. I hear Sharky, whooping and hollering in the marina, setting those Peggies ablaze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fighting dies down, cultists dead, and we start digging around, trying to find Adelaide. We find her, holed up in a shack the Peggies boarded up. We let her out, and she raises her hands to the sky, like she's worshipping the sun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looks at me, and she recognizes me immediately as the trouble maker fucking up the Seeds. Just who she needs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Adelaide Drubman. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Appreciate all your help getting my marina back, but honey I got a problem. Those Peggie shitbirds stole my Tulip. nimblest Godamn helicopter this side of Montana and I'll be Goddamned if those fucktrumpets are gonna take her from me. I won that bird in my divorce fair and square."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peggies took her prized helicopter, and she needed us to get it back. I told her not to worry, we'd get her Tulip back to her in no time. Turns out, Addy used to run with a whole crew of other pilot women, but they all turned on her, joined Eden's Gate. Lucky us, though, her bird was snatched by a man. We find him, we find Tulip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We drive around the river, assassinating these top pilots, looking for the bird. After an hour of messy gunfights and helicopter explosions, we finally find what we're looking for. Guy was just hanging out in this abandoned campsite, Addy's bird a couple yards away. We fuck the campsite up, and escape with the bird. Helicopters handle way differently than planes, but God, if they don't fly like birds in the air. Once you get a nice rhythm going with it, it feels like you're handling something made for the ground instead of the air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We bring Addy her Tulip, and she claps and jumps and hugs Sharky, and then me. Her hug lasted a little longer than normal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well slap my ass and call me Shirley! You brought my Tulip back in one piece! Now, I always keep my word. So if you ever need a pilot who can shoot the dick off a gopher from 50 feet in the air, I'm your call. Call me. Anytime. Except around sunset. Xander likes to do yoga around then and I like to watch. You ain't lived until you seen that ass in downward facin' dog," She winks, and slaps my ass.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, I miss her. I wonder how Cuba is treating her and that boytoy she has.</em>
</p><p>The next page is of Adelaide Drubman. She has her thumbs hooked into her belt, leaning up against the side of a helicopter.</p><p>
  <em>So, I've got another ally under my belt. Two Drubmans, one Boshaw, all violence and chaos of the red - blooded type.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I decide that Peaches has done enough work for the day, and send her home, leaving me and Sharky on our own. We're kinda just moseying along the main roads, looking for trouble, until trouble finds us. We get a call from the local jail. Townsfolk were holed up in there, and they were under heavy Peggie fire, losing way too many for their liking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We sprint down there, and the Peggies look like a swarm of flies. There's fires lit, trucks congested at the front gates. Me and Sharky just start to mow them down, blowing them and their trucks up. Then I heard somebody yell, and I look up, and by God's good graces, it's Sheriff Whitehorse! He hadn't been taken by the Peggies like the others had.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We clear the courtyard, and when the dust settles, the front gates open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Holy shit - Rook?" Whitehorse comes out, and they start looting bodies, calling medics and counting their dead. Whitehorse looks good, for his circumstances. Not like Hudson or Pratt. He grabs my shoulder, shaking it, "You really saved out bacon. They've been throwing themselves at these walls for days. Just won't let up. Really kicked up the hornets nest."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someone from the wall yells there's trucks on the road, and Whitehorse and I split up. Me and Sharky take the wall, while he stays in the courtyard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peggies fight hard, but we fight harder. After a couple minutes of fighting, the cult falls back, and we start to gather our bearings again. I get down into the courtyard, and there's so many fucking bodies. Hope County Jail was like shooting fish in a barrel for the Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whitehorse orders a few people to start tearing the bars off the cell doors of the jail, using them to weld the holes in the front gate the Peggies burst open, then he tells me to follow. We meet up with a woman transporting an injured guy with another.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Any problems?" He asks her.</em>
</p><p>"<em>No. Coupla the Peggies scaled the wall, but, we got 'em."</em></p><p>
  <em>I rush up the stairs to the jail, holding the door open so she could transport the injured inside.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Y'know," Whitehorse says to me, "I was gonna retire last year. Was worried I'd get bored."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was supposed to be funny, but something about it just didn't sit right with me. There was something about Whitehorse that my gut was trying to warn me about.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So," The woman goes, "You gonna introduce us or are we just gonna stand around being awkward and shit?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some nerd - type guy scolds her for her language. The woman tells him to fuck off. They get into a verbal argument, the woman cold and curt, the man going on about being a team. The infirmary is makeshift, cots on the floor, with supplies piled messy up in the corners. The man is called Virgil, and the woman, Tracey.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look," The Virgil goes, "I'm wearing my button, the sheriff is wearing his button," He points to me, "This person - " He cuts himself off, "I'm sorry, who is this?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I do a half - hearted wave as Whitehorse introduces me, patting my shoulder, "Hey," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is one of my deputies."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I thought you said your deputies were taken," Tracey says, arms crossed. I don't blame her for the cold shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wasn't," I tell her, "And the rest of the gang isn't, either."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whitehorse looks surprised, "What?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah. Hudson, Pratt, they're free. Gottem workin' up in the Whitetails, cleaning up Jacob's mess up there."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smiles, "Yeah. I've been hearing you've been giving the cult a Hell of a time. Nice job, Rook."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, well, I hope you plan on pitching in," She walks off, glaring at me, "No room for freeloaders."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whitehorse laughs, "Yeah. Tracey's alright when she gets to know you. She's right about the work, though. Plenty to be done around here. Just ask around. Good to have you back, Rook," He walks off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil comes up to me, with a lockbox under his arm, and places two pins in my hand. He, awkwardly, doesn't say anything, and walks off. I look at the pins, and they've got cougar logos on them. Sharky takes one, pins it to his hat. He tells me it's the logo of the high school from around here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the margins; Go cougars!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil used to be the principle, had a son who was on the baseball team. However, his son got mixed in with the Peggies, and he hasn't seen him since. Virgil still holds onto that hope that he's still alive, but Sharky gives me this look, and tells me that, if Faith was involved, we've probably already seen his face in some of the Angels.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I put on my pin.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are careful sketches of the jail, and Cap recognizes it as the bullet farm she was housed in, once upon a time. Then there's portraits of Tracey, with her hood up and arms crossed, looking annoyed. There's Virgil, with that box under his arm, grinning. There's Sheriff Whitehorse, hat tipped low, almost like he was trying to hide his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>We pal around a little, helping out with the jail, rebuilding some of the holes the Peggies punched through the front gate. Whitehorse stops me. He tells me I need to call Hudson and Pratt here, stat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But there went my gut again, tugging at me, real hard. There was no reason for me to lie, so I told him the truth. I said; I'd love to get the gang back together, but the mountains needed to be defended. I could call a couple people with more disposable time, but Pratt and Hudson needed to stay where they were. It was the complete truth, but there was another side to it. I was scared of what would happen to them in Faith's region. It was all sorts of drugged - out, crazy shit, and I didn't want Hudson or Pratt exposed to it. They've dealt with their own Seeds, and it was enough for them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sheriff didn't look to pleased, but he nodded. Don't know if he trusted my judgement, or if he simply didn't wanna argue, given the circumstances. He asked me to call whoever I could send, then walks off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That guy gives me a bad feeling, man," Sharky tells me as soon as the sheriff is gone, "Like when my grandpa used to catch me watching Thundercats at 3 AM."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I did not want to know why Sharky was awake at 3 AM, watching Thundercats, and I did not ask. But he was right. There was something about Whitehorse that didn't sit right with me. It felt like there was something he wasn't telling me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was right, of course, but I didn't hear about it until later.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I called up Hurk, Jess, and Adelaide. I would've invited Nick out, but he did enough a favor for me with Jacob, and I didn't want to take him away from his new baby girl. Same with Grace, except I knew if I called her out there, Hudson would follow. So I get Hurk, and Jess, and I ask Addy to patrol the skies every so often when she got the chance. Well, me and Sharky are waiting for Jess and Hurk to arrive, outside the jail, and I hear giggling, out by the ridge, near the water. I walk over, and there, in a cloud of Bliss, I see Faith. She's twirling around, singing to herself. I raise my gun, walking over.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where's Burke?" I ask her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She smiles, and reaches out her hands, placing them on my shoulders. She blows Bliss into my face, and I push her away. But it's too late for me, I'm already being pulled into that white paradise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So glad you came," I hear her say, disembodied, "You have been invited into our home, into our heart. Trust in the Path and you'll find the answers you seek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up, in that foggy field of flowers and butterflies, the lined up trunks. I look beyond, and right down the field, there's this large tree. With no other landmark to speak of around, I head straight to it. I look at some of the lined up trunks, and some of them have curved branches, like someone had twisted them, turned them into upright nooses.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Even those who fight against us seek salvation. You're proof of that," And between her words, I can hear someone else talking. A man, "We all need guidance in times like these," She appears, and takes my hands, and under that tree, is Joseph Seed, giving a sermon to a few Peggies sitting around him, Burke included.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My adrenaline starts to kick in, and I reach for my gun, and of course, it's not there. I reach for my knife and, to nobody's surprise, it's not there, either. But I had my hands, and that's all you need to choke the life out of someone. But, Faith is by my side, and she clenches my hand tight. A sudden feeling of....looseness consumes me, like someone had hit me with watered - down morphine. I knew what was happening around me, but the violence and anger I felt for Joseph Seed remained just that. A feeling. I couldn't clench my fists, and I could barely lift my boot. She had rendered me a docile listener.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith leads us closer to the Father, and he looks at me continuing. His words don't matter, I'm not listening. I'm just staring at him. But he walks closer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And they will come. And they will try to take from us all that we have built," He gets up in my face, "You judge me. You judge us. The things that we have done. People say that I'm crazy, but when you wake up in the morning you look at the same news that I do. Do your eyes not fill with horror? This is the world?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He pushes past me, and gestures off, to the distance, where a big cloud of fire that touches heaven itself.</em>
</p><p>"<em>This? This is the world we built for our children? Communities being torn apart. Walls being erected. Because leaders are too impotent to act. Bullies are too addled to lead righteously."</em></p><p>
  <em>I'm too rendered to kill him, but I reach into my pocket, "Yeah," I say, my tongue heavy in my mouth, "Bullies gotta go," and I dangle Jacob's dog tags weakly in my hand. I toss them into the grass.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stares at me, with hate, and I grin lopsided. Hate me, motherfucker, hate me. Faith lets go of my hand, to grab the tags, and looks at me, real sour. She walks over to Joseph, handing them to me. He takes them, and wraps them around his palm, a mirror of the rosary in his other. My eyes draw down, and I see that he's wearing John's old belt buckle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grin a little wider. I wondered what sort of trophy Faith would give up. Was Joseph a fan of lace? Maybe a lock of her hair would've done fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stalks over to me, like some predator, and places his hands on my shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I did not ask for this," He whispers, "I was chosen," He bends his head forward, our foreheads touching.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reflexively, I close my eyes. When I open them again, everything is bathed in red, and on fire. The ground was broken, and raised. There's a building, half - collapsed under flames, with the flaming shell of a car on my right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See, everything is coming to an end. You can feel that. I know you can. See," He gestures around, "Mankind is weak, and vulnerable," He stalks around, And we are hurtling ourselves towards our destruction and no one is willing to do anything about it. I can see that," He jabs himself in his chest, then points out to me, "You can see. And we are not crazy. So what are we supposed to do? We just sit back and await the inevitable."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I blink at him, "You ever wonder if maybe you're the inevitable people were waiting for?" I wipe a little drool from the corners of my mouth, "That maybe you're the rapture people are so scared of? This," I say to him, "This is already at Hope County's doorstep. You're the end for them. But they're fighting back, and winning. I took out two of your little horsemen of the apocalypse already. I just need one more, before I fuckin' come for you. I'm the end of your days, buddy."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joseph gives me a long, angry blink, sighing through his nose, "I don't claim to be a perfect man, but I saw what was coming and I chose to act. To lead. Because society is broken - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Then start a fucking soup kitchen, don't fucking kill people you self righteous dick - " Whatever shit they doped me up on didn't last so long, and I pull back an arm, only for it to be grabbed. The Peggies who were listening were on me, and they force me to my knees, holding my arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joseph stares down at me, "And the only way forward....is to go back to the way things once were. Innocent and pure. So safe and protected....in our garden," He kneels down, so we're face - to - face, "I can save you. But you have to have faith."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I spit in his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn't bother wiping the saliva on his cheek. He reaches over, grabbing a Bliss flower. He holds it up to my face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And suddenly, I'm not in the Bliss anymore. I feel like I'm dying, my whole body sweating, and I shake like I'm a next of hornets. The world is dark, and hazy, and I just want to get the fuck out of there. I hear voices, yelling. Whitehorse, and Tracey. I look over, and Tracey raises a huge syringe, and I try to yell out, but I'm so fucking weak I can't even do that. She brings it down, stabbing it into my chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And everything stops. The world aligns again, my vision returning to normal. Adrenaline, jabbed right into my heart. I heave in air, limp. I try to get up, but the sheriff just pushes me back down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You just get some rest, huh?" He tells me. And rest sounds really good, so I lay back down, no problem.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You come out of the Bliss too fast, shit's liable to scramble your fucking brains."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil comes in, rolling his eyes, "Language."</em>
</p><p><em>They bicker a little, and I close my eyes, passing out quick.</em><br/>
 </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Mickey taps at the top of Cap's journal, "Hey."</p><p>She lowers the book, tilting her head, "Yeah?"</p><p>"You weren't supposed to let me fall asleep," She says, wiping her eyes, "Shit."</p><p>"Fuck, I'm sorry," Cap says, "I didn't even know you fell asleep," She marks her book, closing it.</p><p>"Yeah, I could tell," She stretches out, "How's your piece of valley history?"</p><p>"It's getting weird. Talk about drug trips."</p><p>"They always been drugged - up hippies?"</p><p>"I don't think these fuckers could ever be considered hippies. It'd be an insult to hippies."</p><p>Mickey grins, nodding. She looks at Cap, and picks the book out of her hand, pushing it to the side. She comes closer, rubbing her hand on Cap's thigh, moving up.</p><p>Cap glances up at the sky. It was night now, maybe an hour past sundown. They didn't have much time left before they had to leave, but there was enough time to fool around a little. She smiles at Mickey, then smooths her hands over her shoulders, pulling her in and kissing her. She topples over her, pressing her into the woven branches. Mickey usually wasn't one to let Cap lead, but she didn't object, and the way her face lit up when Cap k She sits up, brushing Cap's ponytail so it laid over her other shoulder, and kissed at her neck, hands cupping her chest. She moves up Cap's jaw, sucking a spot under her ear. Cap's eyes flutter. She looks off, to the forest floor around them.</p><p>And she sees a shadow pass below. She freezes, holding her breath. It was a thin, bipedal shape. Definitely not a deer, and too small to be a bear.</p><p>She squeezes Mickey's arm, "Mick!"</p><p>"Mm? What?" She pulls back.</p><p>"People," Cap whispers, sitting back on her heels. She points below.</p><p>"Oh, shit."</p><p>They climb down from their rigid net, quietly, but quickly, sticking low to the ground. God, how could I be so stupid? If I wasn't so wrapped up in Judge's book, I would've seen 'em coming.</p><p>They slink through the trees, and close to their camp, they pick out five individuals. They don't look like Highwaymen to Cap, instead dressed ragged, with bulking supplies carried over their backs. Run of the mill raiders - those off the grid who hit folks who were already stopped by Highwaymen. Nothing but scavengers, picking at the corpses that the bigger predators leave behind.</p><p>She sighs sharply through her nose. She was hoping this would be a blood - free trip, but, of course, the trip had other plans. She didn't want to kill anybody, but what other choice did she have? Her friends were in danger.</p><p>Mickey and Cap make eye contact. Cap puts a finger up to her lips, shaking her head. <em>Not yet.</em></p><p>The raiders draw closer to the camp, and through the slots of space between them, Cap can see Timber, past the low embers of their fire, giving them very low light.</p><p>
  <em>C'mon, boy, c'mon, wake up.</em>
</p><p>He stirs in his sleep, once curled up between Donnie and Ethan, now, he lifts his head yawning. He looks between the trees, and the hair on his back bristles. He stands, and barks loud.</p><p>Cap spins from behind the tree. She catches a raider by the back of their backpack, pulling them. She drives her knife deep into their neck, twisting. They gurgle, grabbing at her arm, but quickly falls limp. Blood soaks her hand. Mickey aims her Uzi, firing off a few shots. She aims for their heads, but thanks to the heavy recoil, she misses all of them, hitting the trees beyond.</p><p>"Piece of shit gun!" She yells out, putting it away in exchange for her shouldered rifle. How useful it would be in a close encounter like this, Cap wasn't sure.</p><p>Ethan and Donnie hop up from their bedrolls, scrambling for weapons. One of the raider party advances forward, while the other two turn to face the two women. Cap twirls the knife in her hand, rushing forward. She tackles one, pushing him into the forest floor. She stabs the man's uncovered face, over and over again, his beard and hair soaked with blood. He grabs at her face, trying to claw at her, but she lifts her chin, squeezing her eyes shut.</p><p>The other raider rushes Mickey. She holds her rifle like a bat, swinging. The butt of the gun hits the man in the head, and he goes down. Mickey bring the gun down again and again, wetly whacking on the raider's skull.</p><p>Cap jumps off of the dead raider under her, knife ready. She sees Donnie on the ground, holding his face, Timber was guarding him, barking loud. The final raider was off in the corner of the camp. Ethan was held against his chest, an arm around and under his neck. The raider had a pistol pointed out, at the group.</p><p>"Stop!" He yells out. He's a head taller than Ethan, big and imposing. He moves the barrel under Ethan's chin, "Move and I'll kill him!"</p><p>Cap freezes, gripping her knife tightly. She was fast, but she doubted she was faster that a bullet. Her eyes are focused on Ethan's frightened face, grimacing tightly. Ethan swallowed, hands grabbing at the raider's arm around his neck, throat bobbing. His eyes darted from the gun under his chin, to Cap.</p><p>Play it smart, Cap, play it smart. She whistles for Timber, who growls, but stops barking. She puts a hand out, "Hey man," She puts her knife away. She puts her palms up, and out. Her eyes look around. Donnie was standing now, a rifle pointed at the raider, and Ethan. Mickey was holding her own rifle up, aimed down. She exhales, "C'mon, man, you don't have to do this."</p><p>"Fuck you," He spits, "I don't know who you are, but I sure as Hell ain't dyin' to you."</p><p>"I don't wanna kill you either, pal," She shakes her head, "C'mon. You let my friend go, and you can walk away," She ignores the wild looks both Donnie and Mickey stare at her with.</p><p>The man's hand shakes, his finger on the trigger of his pistol, "You think I'm fuckin' stupid? The moment I drop him, you'll kill me," He shakes his head, "And I ain't dyin'. Nah, kid's comin' with me."</p><p>Cap's stomach drops, "I can't let you do that, man. I promise you, you let my friend go, we'll let you leave. I swear on it," <em>Take it, dude, fucking take it!</em></p><p>But the man shakes his head, "I wasn't born yesterday," He starts to back up, to the trees. Ethan resists, eyes locked on Cap, but the raider is much stronger, and drags him along.</p><p>"Don't," Cap says tightly, "I'm giving you a chance here," She steps closer, "Don't throw it away. Killing him's not worth it."</p><p>"Shut up - "</p><p>She steps closer, "It's not worth your life, man," Her fingers flex, warm with blood.</p><p>The man shakes, pointing his gun out, "You fucking stay back!"</p><p>A loud boom shakes the trees. The man's head blooms with blood and grey matter, drenching Ethan. He yells, and pushes out of the man's dead grip, the body lurching back. Ethan scrambles back to the camp, staring at the body. He heaves in air, sitting back.</p><p>"Jesus, Eth," Cap speeds to his side, "You OK? Are you hurt?" She goes to cradle his face, but he pushes her away.</p><p>"I'm not hurt," He says tightly, "But I'm not OK, either!" He wipes some of the blood off his face, flicking it into the dirt.</p><p>"Christ, Cap," Mickey says, face sour, "You were speaking to that guy way too long. What the fuck were you doing?"</p><p>"I thought he'd run if I gave him the chance," Cap says, but her neck and cheeks quickly grow hot. She felt foolish, now, saying it all out loud. Stupid, stupid, stupid.</p><p>"Yeah, Cap, that," She puts up air quotes, "Second chance thing you've got going for you, only works when you're the winner. You never give it to someone with the upper hand."</p><p>"He could have killed me!" Ethan says, tight.</p><p>"But he didn't, did he?" Mickey says. She puts a hand out, and he takes it, standing.</p><p>Cap swallows hard, staring at the ground. Her eyes draw up to see Donnie, inspecting the raider's body, "Nice shot."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>Cap looks over, and Ethan is staring at her, "You aren't using your Gift," He says.</p><p>She freezes. She'd completely forgotten about it. She shakes her head, "I didn't think I needed it."</p><p>He gestures to the camp, "I think getting ambushed by a raiding party would've been a great time to use it."</p><p>"I'm - "</p><p>"You have it for a reason, Captain."</p><p>She huffs, "I didn't think - "</p><p>"Didn't think of what?" He steps closer, hands waving, "That there wasn't some Holy Gift inside you to rip people apart like they're nothing?"</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey," Donnie puts himself between the two, "It's over now."</p><p>But Ethan looks past him, gesturing wildly, yelling, "<em>I almost got my head blown off, and you didn't think you needed it?"</em></p><p>Her cheeks flush hot. She can't really retort with anything because, well, Ethan was right. Cap should've activated her Gift as soon as she saw those raiders. But she just...wasn't thinking about it. She rarely used it, anyway, but at the time, she didn't even remember she had it. And guilt spread through her, like poison.</p><p>Donnie puts an arm out, blocking Ethan's chest, "Easy, man. It's over.....Wait, what's a Gift?"</p><p>"Not important," Mickey say, shouldering her gun, "Anyway, let's raid the bodies, pack up, and get out before any more raiders show up. Who knows who else heard my shot."</p><p>Ethan pushes Donnie's arm away. He gives Cap a glare, and she wishes it were an angry, hateful glare, but all she sees is hurt in his eyes. He doesn't say anything else, and begins packing. Timber comes up, and sits by her feet. She scratches behind his ears, staring at Ethan.</p><p>Donnie comes up, patting Cap on the shoulder, "I don't know why Ethan's so mad, but...I think you did just fine, Cap. Good knifework. Good job on the killing," He furrows his brows, "Is that too gruesome?"</p><p>She sighs, staring at him. Mickey comes up behind, clapping a hand to Donnie's shoulder, "Let's get to it, Don. Stop standing around."</p><p>On the bodies, they find a couple small bags of spare parts and tools, a few medical kits. They take some dried rations, and the water jugs they had, as well as their weapons. Five rusted pistols, a few shotguns, and an old sniper rifle so rusted it looked like it was painted red, as well as plenty of surplus ammo. And, lucky them, there's extra gasmasks and filters for the crew. They decide that the rusted weapons were worthless compared to their own well - cared for ones, so they break the more decayed ones into spare parts, and save two pistols and two shotguns for trade.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh boy :)!!!!!!! things happen.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!! new chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The walk through the forest is like a funeral march, as quiet as death. The blood on everyone's hands, clothes, and hair starts to dry, and flake. It crusts under Cap's nails, making the sleeves of her windbreaker stiff.</p><p>Halfway through their journey, they find a river. The dry season had just ended for the area, and the water was shallow, just beginning to properly run again. Cap sets down her battery - powered lantern, casting white light over the rocky, muddy shore. They quickly check the surrounding area, seeing no recent, or even old, signs of humans.</p><p>"You guys can go first," Mickey tells the boys, "We'll be over here."</p><p>They keep their backs to the river, sitting on a fallen log. They hear the two men make quiet conversation, ninety - percent Donnie, and the soft splashing of water.</p><p>Mickey bumps Cap's shoulder, "You good?"</p><p>"No," Cap answers, "I almost got Ethan killed."</p><p>"He's fine," Mickey insists, if softly, "You distracted that guy long enough for me to take him out, that's all we needed," She pouts her lips thinking, "But, why didn't you use your Gift? One of you could've taken out all of them without breaking a sweat."</p><p>"I wasn't thinking about it," Cap says, "I forgot I had it."</p><p>Mickey snorts, "How do you forget something like that?" She shakes her head, "Doesn't matter now, though. They're dead, and we aren't. And we won't get swindled by the vendors out in Hell's Edge for filters," She proudly brandishes the satchel they snatched, full of them.</p><p>But that does little to ease Cap. Ethan wouldn't let go of what he saw as a personal attack against him, and Cap doubts he will. He was hardheaded, and spiteful, and he'd hold tight to this for as long as he wanted until he felt vindicated. She sighs through her nose, shaking her leg, waiting for the boys to finish up so she could scrub the blood off of her. Blood makes her skin itch, and she scratches at the spots, leaving messy marks on her cheek. Timber sits dutifully at her feet as Mickey studies the stock of her rifle.</p><p>"How's it lookin'?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Looks fine. Didn't break anything, surprisingly. But, you should've gotten me a new grip for my uzi instead of a scope," She shakes her head, "Fuckin' recoil."</p><p>After a while, they hear water sloshing closer.</p><p>"You sure you don't need - ?"</p><p>"I'm fine. I've done it myself enough times."</p><p>Cap turns, Donnie and Ethan climbing up the shore. Ethan has his old wraps in his hands, soaked, but clean and bundled up, shirtless with his burns on display. In the white light, Cap could see them clearly, even though Ethan attempted to cover them up as nonchalantly as possible, with his good arm over his bad one, old wraps bunched in an attempt to hide his chest. His burns clashed with his olive skin, mottling it pink, turning his complexion splotchy and ridged. Donnie still had his shirt on, a t - shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his armpits, his pants cuffed, but if he was curious about Ethan's burns, he did a well job of hiding it, keeping his gaze at Ethan's face.</p><p>Ethan narrows his eyes, "Your forehead is bleeding," He points out.</p><p>Donnie reaches up, touching a spot over one brow. He pulls it back, rubbing blood between his fingers, "Guess that raider got me better than I thought," He bends low, scooping up water in his hand and splashing it against the wound. He raises the bottom of his shirt, wiping his face off, exposing his stomach. It had only the slightest muscle definition, with a happy trail reaching upward. Cap's eyes immediately dart to Ethan, who's eyes draw down, then back up, gripping his bandages closer. Her eyebrows raise.</p><p>Donnie pulls his shirt back down, "How's it look now?"</p><p>"I...." Ethan shifts, lifting his chin, "Looks fine," He turns on his heel, heading to a mess of logs they had set the rest of their things up in front of. He and Cap make eye contact, before he looks away, cheeks a little flushed.</p><p>Mickey and Cap take their dip. Cap sticks her head into a deeper part of the river, watching a part of the water darken, and run the color away. Mickey takes off her hoodie and gloves, scrubbing out blood. Cap washes her hands, revealing her tan skin under the red. She strains her ears, attempting to eavesdrop on whatever their distant male companions were talking about, to no avail. She lastly cleans her knife, and Mickey wipes down her gun.</p><p>"Maybe we should take a break here," Cap says, "Just for an hour or two to catch our breath."</p><p>Mickey thinks for a long while, "Sure."</p><p>They build a fire, just to warm themselves up and dry off, setting their wet clothes out to dry on the tree branches around. Mickey pokes at the flames with a stick, the four sitting in silence. Cap, deciding now would be a better time than any, slides up to Ethan.</p><p>"Hey," She says.</p><p>"Hi," He says back, a little tight.</p><p>"You wanna spar?"</p><p>He looks at her, sour, but curious, "Spar? What, now?"</p><p>"Yeah. Now."</p><p>He stares at her, but eventually stands up, and lets her lead him down the shore, a couple of yards away from their campfire. She sets down her lantern.</p><p>"So," He says shrugging, "Sparring."</p><p>"Yeah," She slides up to him, "Should've taught you sooner," She stands straight, playing with her hands, "I'm sorry, Ethan."</p><p>He crosses his arms. He's quiet for a while, "Were you really gonna let him....take me?"</p><p>"Of course not!" It hurt to hear Ethan say it, "I was just hoping he'd - "</p><p>"What? Shoot you instead of me?" He shakes his head, "Are you out of your mind?"</p><p>"No, I...," She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, "I was hoping he'd run."</p><p>"Well it's better that he didn't. The last thing we needed was for him to run off and alert the Highwaymen about a group of travellers in the woods."</p><p>She slumps her shoulders, "Yeah, OK. You're right. I'm sorry."</p><p>He overlooks her, then sighs through his nose, "It's....It's fine. I'm over it."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"I'm sure."</p><p>Cap nods. He didn't sound sure, but she doubted it would be the last time she heard of this from him. She lightly socks him in the arm, "OK. Let me teach you a little in the ways of self defense, Eth. First, let's work on your stance. Stand straight, and put your feet together."</p><p>Ethan stands straight, his shoulders back and heels together. Cap overlooks him, then pushes him. He stumbles back, catching himself before he can fall over completely.</p><p>His expression sours, "What was that for?"</p><p>"You can't protect yourself if you're straight as a pin," She moves him by his hips, "Just like shooting a gun, you're waiting for the kickback. The first blow to come your way," She shoes his feet apart, bending his knees, "Just like that," She steps back, and pushes him again. This time, he barely moves. She puts her hands on her hips, "See? Better."</p><p>He nods, "OK, I see."</p><p>She grabs his arms raising them, "So now, you gotta learn to receive a blow. When someone punches you, you wanna," She raises her forearms, "Block your face, just like this."</p><p>He copies her movements, "Like this?"</p><p>"Yeah. That shit hurts, but I'd rather have bruised arms than a black eye," She moves to his side, "Show me how you throw a punch."</p><p>"OK, just....in the air...?"</p><p>"Yeah, just," She punches the air a few times, "Just like that. Show me."</p><p>He does, and Cap picks apart some problems with it. She takes his hand, extending it and opening his fingers.</p><p>"No, see, the thumb goes over the knuckles. You'll break it if you hit something with that," She fixes his fist, "OK, and you want the brunt of your punch to be through your index and middle knuckles. That's where most of your force is gonna come through."</p><p>He flexes the fingers of his dominant hand, "But won't that break my hand?"</p><p>"Not if you're wearing gloves, or wraps," She puts her hands on her hips again, standing in front of him, "Alright, so, there's a couple different places that the human body will crumple like a sack of potatoes if hit," She points to the parts on Ethan as she lists them, "Eyes, nose, throat, and dick, if you're fightin' somebody with one. The eyes, "She grabs Ethan's face, rubbing her thumbs over his eyelashes, "Are like jelly. With enough pressure, they pop, like grapes. You get your thumbs in there, your opponent is as good as gone. Now, as for the nose," She taps his bridge, "First choice is a little gross. It only takes ten pounds of force to rip the nose off a face."</p><p>"Really?" He says, disgusted.</p><p>"Yeah. So, in the event of a close encounter, you wanna hook your fingers in your opponents nostrils," She taps under his nose, "And pull. If your hands are otherwise occupied, though, you can always just break it," She taps the space between his eyebrows, "You want this part to come down on the bridge here," She moves her fingers lower, tapping, "Do not use your nose. You do that, you break it. It's your forehead you wanna use."</p><p>He nods, "Use my forehead. OK, I got it."</p><p>"As for the neck," She taps his Adam's apple, "All it takes is one good punch, and it cuts off the airway. It'll either give you time to run, or give you an opening for the kill. But I'd just run."</p><p>"Would you run?"</p><p>"Probably not, but, y'know, if you're unarmed, It'd be your best option. Now, I don't think I need to give you a tutorial on how to attack a dick now, do I?"</p><p>He shrugs, "I don't know. Do you?"</p><p>"OK, well, you wanna get a firm grip - " She reaches low.</p><p>He catches her wrist, pushing his hips back, "Yeah, I think I can figure that out myself, thanks."</p><p>She laughs, "Yeah, OK. Now, I'm gonna teach you how to get out of a rear choke."</p><p>"What's a rear choke?"</p><p>"It's how that raider was holding you," She turns around, flexing her fingers behind, "Gimme your hands," He does, and she moves them around her neck, "So, you'll probably be fighting someone with a lot more to lose, and a lot more desperate. Usually, if they get you from behind, they go straight for the wrap around like this. So you wanna just - "</p><p>She slides out from the side, her head still cradled between his arms, and presses one leg behind his, wrapping her arms around his thighs. She falls back, and immediately, Ethan pulls his arms away to catch his fall.</p><p>"See how you pulled your arms back to catch your fall? That's what you wanna hope for," She holds a hand out for him to take, "You wanna try?"</p><p>"Sure. Yeah," He turns around, and Cap folds her arms around his neck. He waits a few seconds, before sliding out, and hooking a leg behind hers, bringing her down. Cap catches herself, and Ethan rolls out from her.</p><p>"That was easy," He says, shrugging and smirking.</p><p>"Only because I'm not trying to kill you. It's a lot harder when your assailant is dragging you around," She looks back to the camp, "Hungry?"</p><p>"I could use a snack after all that hard work, yes."</p><p>They walk back, and are greeted by Mickey, "You're back," She says blankly, "Great. Just in time for a game of truth or dare."</p><p>Donnie groans, "Oh, I hate playing truth or dare with you. You and Lou always made me do fucking awful dares."</p><p>"Oh, stop whining," Mickey says, "God, you make a guy swallow a rock once, and it's all he can think about."</p><p>Cap and Ethan sit down, her on a short stump, and him on the log next to Donnie. She leans her chin in her hands, leaning forward, "A game sounds fun. Just to pass the time until we run again," She looks at Ethan, "How about it, pal?"</p><p>"I've never played truth or dare before."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Are you really surprised?" He says blankly, crossing his arms.</p><p>She shrugs. She shouldn't be.</p><p>He sighs, "Sure. Yeah. I'll play."</p><p>"Great," Mickey says, lounging, "I'll go first. Cap; truth or dare?"</p><p>"Truth," Never pick dare when Mickey is around.</p><p>"OK. We're trapped in a burning building, me, and Ethan. You can only get to one of us. Who do you save?"</p><p>"I run out of the building in an act of self preservation, leaving you two to escape on your own."</p><p>"Boo," Mickey says.</p><p>"OK, my turn. Donnie," She looks at him, "Truth or dare?"</p><p>"Truth," He, in his own personal aside, cups a hand around his mouth, speaking to Ethan, "Never choose dare when Mickey's around."</p><p>"Fuck you," Mickey says, throwing a couple twigs into the fire.</p><p>"So, Donnie...." She taps her lip, "Where'd you get that scar?"</p><p>He touches it, "Oh, well, so, I was passing through camp, and some drunk idiot was cleaning his gun. He misfired it, and it hit me right in the lip. It just grazed me, though."</p><p>"Hey, I remember that," Mickey says, "Scary, kinda. Me 'n Lou were sure he killed you."</p><p>"Yeah. I was so shocked I thought I died, too. Didn't, obviously, but I couldn't even talk without it hurting for a month," He rubs it, "I think it makes me look real tough."</p><p>"It does. It also makes your beard grow in patchy."</p><p>"Seems like trouble has a way of finding you a lot, even when you try so hard to keep your nose out of it," Cap says, leaning her elbows on her thighs.</p><p>"Jeez, you can say that again."</p><p>"What happened to the man who shot you?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"Oh, my mom..." He cringes, "Flayed him and strung him up on the front gates."</p><p>Cap grimaces, "Gruesome."</p><p>"But fitting," Mickey says, "You don't fuck with blood," She sits up, reaching over, "Especially when your son is as cute as Don here," She pinches his cheek. He frowns, knocking her hand away gently.</p><p>"OK, OK, my turn," He turns his body to Ethan, "Ethan; truth or dare?"</p><p>"Truth."</p><p>"You ever read some of your poetry out loud?"</p><p>Ethan flushes, "No, I don't."</p><p>"Really? Not even - "</p><p>"It's my turn now," Ethan cuts in, "Mickey; truth or dare?"</p><p>"Dare," Mickey says, grinning.</p><p>"I dare you to end this stupid game."</p><p>She sits up straight, "C'mon, Eden, where's your sense of fun? I change my mind. I choose truth."</p><p>He huffs, "Fine. Sure," He thinks for a second, "Do you always wear the color blue?"</p><p>"C'mon, Eden, that's so weak - "</p><p>"I mean, you <em>are</em> always in blue, Mickey," Donnie says.</p><p>She huffs, "That's because my parents couldn't tell me or Lou apart when we were born, us being twins and shit. They color coded us until we got older, but by then, we just kept to the schemes. There. Now it's my turn again," She looks at Cap, "Cap; truth or dare?"</p><p>"Truth."</p><p>She thinks, "When was your first kiss?"</p><p>"Easy. Sixteen, under the boardwalk, with May Miller," She remembers the night so clearly. It was summer, and getting dark, and the two were wading in the shallows, looking for shells. After they collected a bucket full, they shared a couple of sugary buns May Miller's mom had made.</p><p>"Sixteen? Aw, Cap, that's so cute."</p><p>She shrugs, smiling bashfully, "Donnie; truth or dare?"</p><p>"Truth."</p><p>"How about your first kiss?" She strokes Timber's fur as he sits at her feet. She may as well run with the childish questions, since she needed a bit of a mood lightener, anyway.</p><p>"Oh, c'mon..." He messes through his hair, almost bashful.</p><p>Mickey looks at Cap, "This will melt your heart," She socks him in the thigh, "Tell her, Don."</p><p>He rubs at the scar on his lip, keeping his eyes on the fire, "I was ten, almost eleven. This boy rolled into town, on a caravan. He had this little guitar with him, called it his uke. I asked if I could play it, and...." He smiles wide, "He said I could, if I paid with a kiss."</p><p>Cap coos, "Aw, Donnie..."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah...." He waves her off, rubbing at his scar. He nods to Ethan, "How about you, Ethan?"</p><p>"Aren't you supposed to start off with truth or dare?" He crosses his arms.</p><p>"OK, truth or dare?"</p><p>"Dare."</p><p>Donnie thinks, "I dare you....to tell us about your first kiss."</p><p>Ethan flushes. He, visibly, did not think of that. Cap and Mickey chuckle to themselves. He collects himself, scowling. He glances at Cap, who winks. She briefly thinks about the first time they'd been together, how wide - eyed and handsome he was, if inexperienced, and bossy. He was still like that, sometimes.</p><p>"My first kiss...." He draws his eyes to his hands, wringing them, "Was back home. Back in New Eden."</p><p>Cap perks up slightly. This was the first time she'd heard about any kiss. He'd admitted to her that she had been his first, well, everything, kiss included.</p><p>"How old were you?"</p><p>"Nineteen."</p><p>"Late bloomer," Mickey says. She shrugs, "Nothing to be ashamed of. So, what virginal hippie girl did you somehow coax a kiss from, Eden?"</p><p>He's quiet for a long time, breathing. He wets his lips, "The Judge."</p><p>Both Cap and Mickey swivel their heads towards him. Cap, who's mouth was hanging open, quickly closes it. While she was more familiar with the only sort of interaction between Judge and Ethan being a quiet, stressed silence within opposite corners of the room, she forgot that Ethan and the Judge were working together far before she ever came into the picture. It wouldn't be such a stones throw to imagine it at all, but...The Judge? And <em>Ethan</em>? It was a surprise.</p><p>Mickey stared at him, face scrunching in both confusion, and shocked amusement, "<em>Really</em>? The <em>Judge</em>? Do they even <em>have</em> lips?"</p><p>He stares into the fire, "It was over the mask."</p><p>She stifles a laugh.</p><p>"Who's the Judge?" Donnie asks.</p><p>"They're a friend from home," Cap answers, still stunned.</p><p>"A living, walking scarecrow," Mickey says, "They don't speak, they don't eat, they don't sleep. I've seen them rip Highwaymen apart like they were nothing. Doesn't use a gun, only a bow and arrow," She shakes her head, "I thought Cap was the only motherfucker crazy enough to get anywhere near them."</p><p>Cap flushes. Mickey knew about her frequent trysts with the Judge. Never mocked her for it, but she did think it was strange pairing. Ethan, however, did not know, and Cap did her best to hide it. Not that it was hard, it was near impossible to get the two together in any capacity. She only did it because she knew that it would only twist that knife further into Ethan, that knife of loss, and broken ego.</p><p>Ethan's face is bright red, "This wasn't some extended affair. I was young, and stressed with the weight of the village on my shoulders, and the Judge just happened to be within range, and - " He cuts himself off, "I don't know why I have to explain myself - "</p><p>"So what'd the Judge do?" Mickey asks, "They flip out?"</p><p>"No, they stood there, and I went to bed."</p><p>"Alone?"</p><p>"Too far, Mick," Cap says, staring at Ethan. His hands were clasped together, nervously playing with his fingers.</p><p>"I hate truth or dare," He grits out. He stands, "Can we leave now? We've wasted enough time."</p><p>"What?" Mickey goes, "Aren't curious about my first kiss?"</p><p>Ethan grumbles to himself, not answering, and starts grabbing his things. Donnie, Cap, and Mickey look amongst themselves, and seeing how the moment had passed, stand and begin to collect their things, too. It's a quick job, since they simply just set their things down, and were off quickly. Donnie strides alongside Ethan, while Cap walked next to Mickey, Timber trotting ahead.</p><p>By the time they see the distant outline of Hell's Edge, it's well into early morning.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The Judge prays. Maybe they tossed out a few silent, never spoken, prayers under their breath in battle, but they never kneeled down and prayed with meaning in such a long time. It's been almost a year, not since Joseph killed himself. Their hands are clasped together so tight, it hurts, holding them to their forehead, kneeling on a padded cushion.</p><p>They pray for forgiveness. They pray for the safe return of Cap. They pray for the bountiful futures of the folks in the valley. They pray, and pray, and <em>pray</em>, for everyone, about everything.</p><p>They were holed up, far away from New Eden, or Prosperity, in the old church in the buried Fall's End. The church was mostly overtaken by the land, and overgrown, barely allowing Judge to pass through without crouching. They hadn't been back to the village in over a week. In the church, they had hollowed out a space in the ceiling, pulling boards up to lay over the beams, giving them a small, deprived living space, to be alone.</p><p>They didn't want to be alone anymore. But they didn't know how to not be. It was all they knew. Loneliness. Knowing that nobody would ever be there for them, would ever stop to understand them, help them, save them. Nobody. Except, for one. For Cap, who tried so hard, and succeeded, in a way. Maybe not the way she expected, but it was a victory for her, no less.</p><p>Their mask is off, as well as most of their leathers, leaving them in cotton smallclothes. They touch their face, feeling the rough pads of their fingers brush over their scars, moving to their chest, to that worn out sin carved into them. Their stomach wretches inside them, making them coil in pain. Fasting in prayer was common, for them, and it hurt, but it was for cause. Not good cause, but cause.</p><p>The Judge, attuned to the silence of the abandoned church, lift their head up at the distinct sounds of footsteps on dirt. They stop their prayers, crouching low on their hands and knees. They peer through the slots they created, eyes wide and focused.</p><p>Through the doorway, crouching through, the Judge sees a surprising, familiar face come through. The afternoon light borders him. He is both the Jerome they knew, and the Jerome they don't. The pastor is still dressed like he was ready to protect the valley against the Peggies, collarino done up, just peeking over his bulletproof vest. But his face didn't echo the past. This face was new. He was older now, skin more weathered and wrinkled. His hair was grey, a little longer, and his eyes were faded.</p><p>Jerome came in alone. His shotgun was slung over his back. In his hands, he had a rosary, and a bible. He clutched them both tightly. His face was blank, but he went right to the back of the church, where the Judge knew had once been the pedestal of the church, right under their hollowed - out home. The pastor sits down, in the dirt, and reads his scriptures, holding the rosary close. Judge watches him, with lonely interest. They think of making themself presentable, putting on a shirt and pants, and climbing down. Fear stops them. Fear of being known again, despite the want and urge to be.</p><p>So, they make fists with their hands, and watch, as the pastor reads quietly to himself. They relax from their crouch, laying on their belly. The book is too far away to see the words, and Judge realizes, besides their journal, they hadn't read an actual book in quite literally years. Not since Joseph had them carve that mask for themself and throw away their old life, for this new one.</p><p>They are overtaken with rage. They hate him. They hate Joseph Seed. They hate what he forced them to become. And they hate how they can never forget him. Angry tears well up, so frustrated, and sad, and roll over onto their back, covering their face with their hands. A soft, soft, sob escapes them, something only God could hear.</p><p>God, or Pastor Jerome.</p><p>"Hello?" Jerome says from below, "Someone there?"</p><p>The Judge turns to a statue, still as stone. They don't move, eyes drying up. They hear a shift of dirt, and they use the extra noise to roll back over onto their stomach. Jerome looks around the church, but doesn't look up. He checks the doorways, and, upon seeing nobody outside that he can notice, comes back in. He sits down again, and opens his bible.</p><p>This time, though, he speaks. He reads, "<em>The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?"</em> He doesn't look up from his book, "Be not afraid, friend. I just came here to read in peace and quiet. I used to be the pastor of this church, you know."</p><p>The Judge doesn't dare breathe. They stay up, inside that hollowed - out space, like a ghoul, crouched.</p><p>"Would you like to read with me? There must be a reason you've decided to hole up in this old church. Most seek comfort here where they don't find elsewhere," He stands, motioning around. He knew someone was there, but he did not know who, or where, "My name is Pastor Jerome Jeffries."</p><p>The Judge stays perfectly still. They thought that if they didn't make a sound, Jerome would give up, and leave. They don't want him to. They want nothing more to descend the ceiling and look at him, face - to - face again, but they're scared. Scared to be seen, so naked and vulnerable. To let that inner self crack through the hardened mask of the Judge.</p><p>Jerome paces the dirt off the church, looking around. Feeling as though their hiding spot would be discovered, the Judge scuttles around in the space, pulling on their clothes.</p><p>"It's OK," Jerome says, his voice soft against the beating of the blood in Judge's ears, "Don't be afraid. I'm no Highwaymen."</p><p>The Judge pulls off one board, hopping down, boots touching dirt. They hadn't done the straps or wraps or buckles of their leathers, and it hung loosely in some parts.</p><p>Jerome is taken aback, now clutching his shotgun. He barely relaxes, gun at the ready, however, he does not aim it, "Oh. It's just you," His eyes study them, drawing down, and stopping, to stare.</p><p>The Judge looks down, too, and they see that their coat is open, exposing their chest, their sin. They tug closed their leathers, and don't look at the pastor as they sprint away, into the woods across the field.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"This place is a dump," Ethan comments snidely.</p><p>"We're on the edge of an irradiated wasteland," Mickey says, "What'd you expect? More flowers? Megabloom didn't happen this far East."</p><p>But, Ethan was indeed, right. Hell's Edge was a place deserving of the name. It was a system of scrap metal interjoined between crumbling buildings missing half their walls, propped up by wood and whatever materials were on hand. Lights were strung around, on the walls, lighting the streets. It looked like one gust of wind could knock the whole system down They walked closer to the barbed wire fence that encased the city, to the forward checkpoint.</p><p>Guards stop them, asking them their business. One approaches Donnie, and he meets his eye.</p><p>"Donnie," He says, "Long time no see."</p><p>"Likewise, Jake," Donnie says. They shake hands.</p><p>"What brings you out here so far?"</p><p>He jerks his head to the pack he travelled with, "You know how the Twins kicked it last year?"</p><p>"Sure do. Haven't had a moments peace 'round here since."</p><p>"Yeah. These messengers are bringing their mom the little effects they found in the Twins' remains."</p><p>"They found remains out there?"</p><p>Donnie sucks air through his teeth, "Scraps. They found scraps."</p><p>"Yikes," The guard - Jake -  looks at the group, "What's the loot?"</p><p>"For their mom's eyes only," Donnie says, "Dead's rights. Only fair to her."</p><p>"C'mon, man, I'm not gonna take anything."</p><p>"It's not my package, man. Some of their personal guard sent the messengers, not me. I've got no business looking in their things."</p><p>Jack overlooks him, then nods, "OK. Just keep your head down. Smart of you not to wear Highwaymen colors. City's in a broil over som'a the Highwaymen causing trouble these last few weeks."</p><p>"What's been happening lately?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Same old, same old. Territory disputes, them raiding caravans that have already been marked safe. Fuckin' animals, most of 'em. 'Cept Donnie here," Jake socks Donnie in the arm, "Only decent guy to come outta them."</p><p>Donnie grins tightly, "Enrique's still selling brews for cheap?"</p><p>"Fuck yeah he is. Wanna meet up later?"</p><p>A pause, "Sure. We'll probably stay at the inn next door, so...."</p><p>"Yeah, man. See you there."</p><p>They pass through the front gate, no problem.</p><p>"You fuckin' social butterfly. You're worse than Cap," Mickey says with half a sneer.</p><p>Donnie shrugs, leading them through, "Jealous you can't flaunt that Twin charm on people anymore?"</p><p>"Charm?" Ethan scoffs, "You mean she can't strongarm people and bust heads?"</p><p>"Shut it, Eden, before I bust <em>you.</em>"</p><p>"How long should we stay?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Today, and tomorrow. Then we go," Mickey pulls her hat lower. She had on the same beanie and black bandana disguise she had on back in Bucket Valley, "And I give us an extra day to have a little fun, because there's absolutely none of it between here and Brightsdale."</p><p>"What's Brightsdale?"</p><p>"That's where my mom is. Same house, all these years. Always was a homebody."</p><p>The city of Hell's Edge smells of smoke, bustling with energy. People were getting ready to open for the day, vendors unshuttering their booths and opening the doors of their businesses. Donnie leads them ahead, to the other side of the town. He points out a short building. The outsides were crumbling, reinforced by metal beams. The windows and doors were shuttered closed.</p><p>"That's Enrique's," He says.</p><p>"Best bar around," Mickey shrugs, "If the owner feels like letting Highwaymen inside."</p><p>They go next door, and the inn, unlike a lot of the other buildings around, is made completely out of scrap metal and wood, instead of using a building as a base. It was stacked high, Cap counting four, five floors. The windows were dark on the top floors, while the bottom was lit up.</p><p>The inside is about as scrappy inside as it is outside. The furniture is all built up from scraps and plywood, forming chairs and tables and benches. They approach a desk set in the front, with a sleepy - looking woman manning it. She picks her head up, noticing the travellers.</p><p>"Thanks for stopping at the Mangled Leg," She yawns out, "Looking for a room?"</p><p>"Got anything for four?" Cap asks, "And a dog."</p><p>The woman checks her ledger, "Mmm....Only if you don't mind sharing beds."</p><p>"No problem," Cap says, making the decisions for the group. She sets some axles down, "Two days, please."</p><p>The desk manager studies the scrap, but accepts it, handing Cap the key, "Fourth floor."</p><p>Cap thanks her, and they head up. The stairs creak, but seem sturdy, as do the walls around them. They find the fourth floor, and their room, opening the door. The inside is sparsely furnished, with two large beds, two nightstands, a desk and a chair, and two dressers. On the walls were faded, semi - broken frames with different images of landscapes. Cap crosses the room, to the bed closest to the window, and throws down her possessions. She holds her arms out from her sides, flopping down on the bed.</p><p>"Oh, sweet softness," She exhales, muffled. The sheets smelled clean, and she melted into it.</p><p>"So, we split it me and Ethan, you and Mick?" Donnie says.</p><p>Cap turns over on her back, "That's so <em>boring</em>, don't you think? I was thinking me and you, Ethan and Mickey - "</p><p>Mickey grabs a pillow, pouncing on top of Cap and suffocating her, "Shut it."</p><p>"Help!" She mocks, muffled, waving her arms in mock distress. Mickey pulls the pillow off, standing, but throws it at her. She sits up, holding the pillow in her lap. She looks outside, and the sun rises low on the horizon. Timber hops up on the bed, settling by the pillows.</p><p>"Oh, no," Mickey says, snapping and pointing to the other bed, "Down, mutt."</p><p>Timber jumps off, hopping onto the other bed. Ethan and Donnie set their things down. Ethan shrugs off the hood if his raincoat, shaking out his hair.</p><p>"Jeez, Eth," Cap says, "Your hair is getting so long. Think you need a cut?"</p><p>He runs his fingers through his hair. It touched his shoulders, "I don't see the point of it. I like how long it is."</p><p>Mickey gets close to Cap's ear, "You like it long anyway," She tugs at Cap's ponytail softly, insinuating.</p><p>Cap elbows her hard, trying not to smile, "You're fucking <em>horrible</em>," She says in a harsh whisper.</p><p>But, Ethan hears, and flushes red. He pulls his hair up in a loose bun, looking down, "Can we just go to bed now?"</p><p>"You control the whole fuckin' mood of the room," Mickey sneers, but takes off her boots, "But it's been a pretty long night. Some sleep wouldn't hurt."</p><p>"<em>Greatyeahgoodnight</em> - " Ethan huffs, and strips off his clothes into an undershirt and boxers, and settles into bed.</p><p>Donnie turns to the two, raising an eyebrow. He points, He OK? He mouths.</p><p>Cap's mouth turns to a tight line, shrugging.</p><p>He nods, then begins stripping down, too, and settles into the empty side of the bed. Timber moves between the two men, laying on his back and stretching out. Mickey is in her hoodie and boxers.</p><p>"You comin' to bed?" She asks.</p><p>Cap shakes her head, "No. I'm gonna read a little."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Judge heaves. They have nothing in their stomach, but plenty of contents cover the ground. Spittle drips from their mouth, and they wipe it off with their glove. There's a pinkness to their saliva. They prop themselves against the thick trunk of the tree. They feel like they're dying, even though they know they aren't. They wish they were. In their delirium, they attempt to walk, but find their legs don't work as well as they should, and they stumble and fall, landing on their side on the forest floor. They crawl through the carpet of leaves, but eventually give up, and lay still.</p><p><em>Leave me to die,</em> They think to themselves, to God, <em>Leave me to die.</em></p><p>There's steps behind them, crunching in the leaves.</p><p><em>Good</em>, They think, <em>Good. Kill me.</em></p><p>Hands brush against their back.</p><p>"Hold on," Pastor Jerome says, "Let's get you somewhere safe."</p><p>He says more, but the Judge is already drifting in and out. They're little more than sound, muffled and blurred. They pick out pieces as they're lifted off the ground, eyes closed. The pastor moves them over his shoulders, grunting, and the Judge wonders just how in the world he could. He's too old to be lugging around strangers. They drift off a final time, darkness overtaking them.</p><p>"Where have you been all this time?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I wake up with the worst headache of my life. It felt like someone had taken my head off, shook it around, and twisted it back onto my neck, backwards. I swing my legs over, and someone pushes my shoulder, and pushes a water bottle into my hand. I don't think, just drink it down, and throw the bottle across the room. I look over, and it's Sharky who'd given it to me. And just behind him, there's Hurk and Jess. Hurk smiles at me, and Jess gives me a look that could freeze over Hell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get up, and I almost take out the divider between me and the guy next door trying to keep my balance. Sharky grabs me, and sits me back down, but I'm stubborn. I stand back up, and shrug him off. The world spins a little more, but I don't accidentally take anything out, so, that was good. I stretch out, and look at Hurk and Jess.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They ask me if I'm alright. I say yes, I am, even though I feel like I've been dragged twenty miles down the road. I ask them, real quick, how the mountains are doing without me. They tell me they're fine. I tell them, great, and then I start collecting some of my things. I look in my pocket, and Jacob's dogtags are gone. My guns are still there, though. That's what mattered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You sure you should be going so soon?" Jess asks me. I look at her, and tell her, I have to. Burke wasn't gonna save himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I noticed a pattern with the Seeds now. I go in, fuck their shit up, we get to a final confrontation, and I end up the victor. And so far, I hadn't lost any of my original crew. Hudson, Pratt, Whitehorse, they were all. Not completely unscathed, but alive, which was better than what could've fucking happened to any of them. I was adamant I could get to Cameron Burke, no problem.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was out for a day, so when I go out, it's bright, hurts my eyes. First thing I see is Tracey on the wall, keeping watch, manning a mounted gun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey Lader was as prickly as they came, but she wasn't cruel. She, a lot like Tammy, just didn't trust me. I was an outsider on her territory. I needed to prove myself to her to get her to trust me. I tell my crew to wait in the courtyard while I go up and talk to Tracey up on the wall. She notices me climbing up, and her hard shell of a face softens a little.</em>
</p><p>"<em>Hey," She says, "Glad to see you're awake. And you don't look drugged out either. That's good. I'm sorry about before. Wasn't cool. Ask anyone here, I do tuff really good, but the rest, well, I'm workin' on it."</em></p><p>
  <em>I wave her off. No grudges here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So....restart. Welcome. You'll like the team we got. Everyone's strong, and we need to be, with what's beyond those walls. I hope Earl's right about you. We've all been trying to figure out how to crush Eden's Gate. If you ask me, it starts with Faith."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, if only she told me that a couple weeks ago. I could've </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"At least, that's what she's calling herself these days."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey went through a lot in her life. Abuse, drugs. Before Faith became Faith, they ran together, actually, getting high and escaping the pain that was our fucked up society. Best friends. Joined the cult together, actually. It seemed like a good cause to her, at the time. But, Tracey wizened up, and got out as fast as she could. Faith didn't. Now, she spent her time defending people from the cult. Lotta folks didn't trust her because of it, actually. Thought she'd turn on them. Never did, of course, but people still held a grudge.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You can find her letters scattered around. I found some, so did you, Cap. It was nice to know she was still fighting, still kicking. She went North, I know, to escape the valley when everyone came out of their bunkers. Where she is now, I have no idea, but I know she's alive, and I know she's out there right now, carving out her own little slice of peace. That's all she ever wanted, I think. Just looking for a place for herself, where nobody would hurt her, or judge her. Hate that she left before you got to her, Cap. You'd probably warm up to her real quick and convince her to stay.</em>
</p><p>Next few pages are sketches of Tracey. One has her leaning over a mounted LMG, feeding a belt into the side. The next is of Tracey and Virgil. Tracey has her arms crossed, eyebrow raised, while Virgil is patting a box under his arm. The last sketch is of Tracey, sitting on a cot, one leg hiked up, staring out.</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, Tracey keeps going, and she points off to the distance, "See that big statue on the hill?" It was impossible not to, "Of course you have. You can't miss it. Good old Joseph Seed. The Father. Faith had her groupies build that concrete eyesore for her sick pilgrimage. You seen 'em? Those sad fuckers marching their way to that statue. It's horrible. We gotta tear down that statue. Let all those Peggies know their Father ain't no fuckin' God. He's just a man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod at her. I was game for just about anything that could fuck the cult up. She wants a big fuck you - sized hole in that big ugly hunk of plaster, and I was gonna deliver for her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I climb down, and I tell Jess to stay behind and watch the jail. She's not happy, but I needed heavy hitters to tear the place down, and Sharky and Hurk were just the thing. I told her, though, as soon as the statue was nothing but rubble, she would be free to come up and help with stragglers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hurk and Sharky are buzzing with excitement, but I'm sitting on the mounted gun of Sharky's truck, fingers going numb, I'm gripping the LMG so tight. I'm not scared, but I feel tight, like I'm anticipating the blow of a fist.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The gate to the monument is wrought iron and evil - looking, covered in Bliss flowers and bodies. We pass through, and I shoot a bullet at the gate for good measure. A send off on our mission. The mountain is steep, lined with cult monuments and guards, and we reduce all of them to ash and blood, clearing house. I was gonna do more than just destroy that statue. I was gonna take the mountain, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But between fights, everything is so quiet. No sounds from nature itself, just the hum of bullets or the noise of our truck engine. It's been a day or two I'd been at the Henbane, but I didn't see one animal yet that wasn't Peaches. It wasn't natural.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We are forced to stop the car at the bottom of the stairs to that big ugly statue, and we pile out. My pockets are stuffed with dynamite and grenades and mines, Sharky has a special concoction stuffed in the shells of his shotgun, and Hurk's RPG is lugged over his shoulder, at the ready.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We look like a couple of action heroes!" Hurk says, with some child - like glee that I can't find in the situation. Sharky and Hurk sure look like they're ready to kick ass, but I look at my reflection in the side mirrors, and I look like death itself, eyes sunken and dark, face scarred. I hadn't noticed it before, but, like Pratt, and like Jess, I had a scar running down my cheek amongst the several others. It must've been a mark Jacob gave his Chosen. Not that I ever noticed, because not all of the Chosen had them, and most wore balaclavas, and I wasn't interested in the death masks underneath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shoulder my gun, and get moving.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peggies are preaching, jacking off to the statue, or whatever it is they do, so they don't even hear us approach. Hurk hunkers low as best he can next to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, what's the plan?" He whispers, harsh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I answer him by taking a stick of dynamite out, lighting it, and tossing it into the small crowd of worshippers. It takes a few seconds, but they yell out, and scatter, but not soon enough. Boom, the stone of the base shakes, and I see blood and viscera scatter. Some die, but some live. Injured, though, missing limbs and the like.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It feels depraved to think about it now, giving it thought, but at the time, the depravity was all that I had to power me through, to fight back. I didn't care who got hurt, in what way, so long as they did. Violence numbed me, pain numbed me, shrieks and screams beat against my deaf ears. I was their scourge. I was their plague, their war, pestilence, and death. I was their apocalypse, their ravaged horsemen bringing the end times, just as much as they were to the valley.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cultists thin out, and die, and once they do, we get to blowing the place up. Plaster sloughs off like melting ice, crumbling into the mountains. Thunderous booms shake the ground under our feet. Sharky and Hurk hoop and holler, while I stay silent, and kill and break without prejudice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I realize as we fight that....I could've called Nick. Or Adelaide. Or secured a vehicle with a mounted gun. But....That would've just ruined what I wanted to do. I wanted to show Faith that I was human, that I bled and walked and killed like a human, and that a human was undoing everything she worked so hard to build up, and sending it crumbling into a pile of nothing. I wanted her to know that no obstacle was too great for me to hop over. I was coming for her, and I was coming for Burke in the same hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's one last, big explosion Hurk launches at the head of the statue, obliterating the carefully - carved pieces of the Father. With the stone gone, it revealed the inner skeleton. Steel beams and concrete inside held rooms and supplies. People were set up inside still, actually.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My radio clips, "Goddamn, we can see your work all the way at the prison," Tracey says, "Goodbye to that waste of concrete. Hey if you're looking to cause more trouble, I've got an idea. Faith keeps her personal copy of Joseph's ramblings inside that thing. Climb inside that statue and burn those papers. Show her what happens when you fuck with the wrong people."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell Hurk and Sharky to watch my back, and to call Jess up and tell her to meet us up here, as well as some folks around the river, if there are any who are interested in looting and taking the mountain over. I run inside, and Tracey, over my radio, tells me to take the ladders to the top of the statue. That's where Faith kept her book.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I climb up a ladder, and my stomach twists to look down. I wasn't particularly afraid of heights, but the hundreds of feet between me and the base of the mountain really cements in the very real and possible idea of falling to my death. As I go up, half the time, I don't even need to shoot off a bullet. The cultists misstep, and end up tumbling over the edge, or I push them, and they scream as they go down. As I get higher, I stop hearing their bodies hit the ground below, but I hear plenty of yelling and blasts from my partners.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then my radio clips, and I expect Tracey, but It's Joseph, "I see what you've done," He says bitterly, "What you're doing. I'm not angry. But I'm disappointed. My people are coming to show you my displeasure."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I roll my eyes, and helicopters start popping up. I take cover behind a steel beam, and call up Addy, asking if she'd like a little family reunion up at Joseph's statue. She's there in less than three minutes, blasting away at the helis. Cult pilots are capable, but they're no match for the sleek and nimble body of Tulip, and they go down in burning hunks of fire, like meteors to signal the end of days.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get higher, and it just gets more quiet. It's just me and the sky up there. I look down, and I see fires burning below. The top of the statue is rubble, nothing left of the Father. Except for a conveniently intact hollow in a stone wall, holding a book. It was like the universe was saying, Here's your reward, Aiden, for killing really good today!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The book is weathered. Its once white cover is dirty and faded. It's a love - worn, read - worn copy, that much is true. I take it, and I burn it, and drop it to the ground. I watch as the fire eats the paper up, then fizzles out. Then, in a more juvenile and gross move that, to me, at the moment, seemed like a good idea, pulled my pants down and pissed on the ashes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear Faith, in my head, in my radio, as I pull my pants up, and she sounds shocked, "What have you done?" She says, "His words. Don't you understand what he'll do to me?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I spit on my piss puddle. The fuck did I care about what Joseph Seed did to her?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey sounds impressed, and excited, when she calls me again, "That was fuckin' beautiful. Joseph Seed's gonna be shittin' bricks, and Faith is gonna feel the heat now. She'll have to answer for that burned book and that mangled effigy. Hell of a job."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Addy pulls her chopper close, dropping a line for me. I hook myself onto it, and she lowers me to the ground. It's getting close to sunset, so she bids me goodbye, and I think her, and she flies off. Sharky and Hurk are covered in blood, ash, and dirt, but neither look a mite bit unhappy. They look ready for more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>People start driving up, already getting to work clearing debris and burning bodies. Jess is there, and she looks at me, real fond with her eyes, and punches me in the shoulder, but in a light, I'm - glad - you're - still - alive way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We patrol around the mountain, clearing out shacks of supplies and cleaning them up for the people of the river. We find two adjoining ones, and decide that we're fucking beat, and too tired to make the trip back anywhere else around to rest. One is furnished really nicely, with neat bunks and furniture, walls decorated with paintings and photo frames. The other is a hunk of a shack, smelling like rotten garbage. Jess is adamant about not sharing a sleeping space with Hurk, so we draw straws to see how we'll split the cabins. Me and Jess get the nice one.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boys don't look too happy, but we clean out the place, move two of the nicer bunks in there, and throw in whole bushes of lavender to mask the smell. That lightens their spirits up a bit. We bid one another goodnight, and head inside, boarding the doors and windows behind us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taking off my boots felt unnatural. Like it wasn't meant to be. Like I was stuck in my armor, a skin upon my skin, never to be taken off, unable to. I struggle to undo the clasps of my chest piece. I raise my head. Jess is staring at me. She has a slight curl to her lip. She doesn't say anything, her boots sounding impossibly loud and heavy on the wooden floorboards as she crosses from her bed, to mine. She undoes the straps that go over my chest. I feel lighter already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I couldn't watch you struggle like you're six and trying to tie your shoes," She says, under her breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stare at her. She takes a sharp breath, and drags a knee up, resting it next to my thighs. She leans forward, her hair coming over me like a veil. She pulls the zipper of my vest down, helping me shrug out of it. I feel even lighter. She helps me out of my gloves, my shirt, my pants, and I feel lighter, and lighter, like I'm turning to air, like I'll fall away with the wind. I haven't touched her yet, but she pushes into me, and presses me down into the bed. She doesn't kiss me, just stares, her hair tickling the sides of my face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's so dark in the cabin, only lit by dying amber light from a shitty lantern one of us brought, her whole face hidden in shadow. I reach up, and pull her hood back, laying it down over her back. She's so impatient, and I'm not moving fast enough, so she strips off her clothes, and we both stare at each other, in our underwear. She's over my hips, staring at me expectedly. But I don't move. I can't move, really. I've never seen her out of her normal, tattered clothes, and I'm overwhelmed by her body. She looks so beautiful, all tan skin and scars. Her hips and chest and thighs and stomach are full, filling out a sports bra and boyshorts -</em>
</p><p>Cap blushes. She debates whether to skip this part or not. But, she reasons, if the Judge didn't want it to be read, they wouldn't have wrote it. She turns her head quick to the rest of her crew, seeing their forms gently rise and fall under the blankets. She sets the book down, taking a sip from her water jug, then gets back into it.</p><p>
  <em>Jess leans down again, pressing herself against me, our chests flushed, but again, she doesn't kiss me. I raise my hands up, and brush her hair back, revealing her face in what little light we had. I keep thinking about how beautiful she is, how perfectly her body fits against mine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dep?" She goes, and there's a crease in her brow. I cringe hearing it. I hate when people call me that, all those nicknames. Dep. Deputy. I hated being a cop. It started off well, but never did any good for anybody. I was trapped behind walls of paperwork and systems that didn't help anybody. And there was Rookie. They called me it because they saw me as young, and inexperienced. But every time they said it, I just felt like a piece on a chest board. Rook, do this. Rook, do that. Rook, come here. Run, stop, go, don't go. I'm so sick of it. I'm so fucking sick of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I brush her hair back more, and cup her face, and run my thumbs over her scarred cheeks. I run them over her lips. I don't kiss her. I'm not done appreciating her just yet. I push up, and she sits back. She takes it as something it's not, and starts to climb off of me, but I roll her over onto her back, moving between her legs. Her hair splays out under her, like a dark halo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dep?" She says again, and I hate it. I rub my hands over her thighs, squeeze her soft flesh. I shudder. I lean down, and kiss her forehead. She calls for me again. She squeezes my arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell her, Jess, please, don't call me Dep in here. Anything else, just not that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She squeezes my arm again. She sits up, and I've got no choice but to lean back, away from her warm body. She cups my face, real gentle, and she kisses me. I kiss her back, as best I can, but the energy I had for the day is gone. I felt like a shell. I always felt like a shell after a day like that. Every day I wake up, just ready and waiting for adrenaline to make its home again in my blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She takes my lack of passion as rejection, even though I want it to continue. But the moment passed, ruined, thanks to me.</em>
</p><p>(Cap notes the ironic smiley face in the margin next to that sentence.)</p><p>
  <em>But Jess doesn't go back to her bed. She lays us down in my bunk, (Her moving me, since I'm so fucking tired I can barely keep my eyes open.) Even though we boarded up the windows, a little moonlight slices through the gaps we didn't close, lighting up Jess' eyes silver. I kiss her, and hug her, and she turns her body so my stomach is pressed against her back. I bury my face in her hair.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A hand on Cap's shoulder startles her. She twists around, almost knocking her chair over as she stands. Luckily, all it does it scrape quietly against the floor, not even loud enough for Cap herself to hear. Mickey is standing a bit aways, looking annoyed, eyes sunk from tiredness. She reveres Cap as if she were a plant in the corner, and was stuck with cleaning up some of the dead leaves that fell from her branches.</p><p>"You've wasted half the day reading," Her lip is curled up, eyes pointed at the desk behind Cap.</p><p>Daylight leaves stripes of light across the beds and the floor. Cap shrugs, "Sorry," Her eyes note the light that catches Mickey's bleached - colored hair, making it glow, almost like the light was coming from her instead of the sun outside.</p><p>Mickey places her hands on her hips, head cocking towards the bed, "C'mon, Cap. Let's get to bed."</p><p>She marks the page in her journal, and climbs into bed. Mickey's body and the sheets of the bed are warm with sleep. She has no choice but to tangle her legs and arms with hers, getting comfortable as sleep tugs her out of the day and into the dark, safe space of her dreams.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i am shoehorning in as many gay people as i possibly can into this work. gay power!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yes ok!!!!!!!!!!!! um. things happen. they sure do alright</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The twang of a guitar wakes her, actually, rather than a rude attempt from Mickey or Ethan. She lifts her head from her faded pillow, turning over to follow the sound. To no surprise to her, it's Donnie, his guitar case open, the instrument in his hands. He was dressed for the night. His back is turned to, body blocking her lantern on the other side. It was night, and moonless, making everything exceptionally more dark than usual. Timber is laying down by his back, tail thumping softly. Donnie plucks the strings of his guitar, singing softly.</p><p>"<em>Everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my head, with eight seconds left in overtime, he's on your mind, he's on your mind</em>," He says it low, and under his breath, as if trying to whisper the song. Cap sits up, just to watch with a waking interest. She pulls her knees up, resting her arms and chin on top. Her hair tumbles over her shoulder.</p><p>He quickly glances over his shoulder, as he sings, just a curious, regular throw, but he notices her awake, and stops him strumming, "Sorry. I wake you?"</p><p>"Nah," Cap says, leaning a cheek into her hand, "Woke up m'self. How goes it?"</p><p>"Good. Ethan and Mickey went to check out the market down the block."</p><p>"Why didn't you go?"</p><p>He shrugs, "Wanted some time to myself," He said, which was strange to Cap, as she was there, making him the complete opposite of alone. He turns back to his guitar, strumming, but stops it suddenly as soon as it started, "Hey. You mind if I ask you something?"</p><p>"Sure, Don."</p><p>"Are you and Mickey seeing each other?"</p><p>She squints, "What makes you think that?"</p><p>"I could kinda tell by the cuddling, the how she lets you hang all over her. She never let nobody touch her, not even in a friendly way. Also, you're her type. She loves tall blondes."</p><p>Cap blushes a little, "Is it that obvious?"</p><p>"You two aren't really trying to hide it," He shrugs again, "But I don't mind, s'all I'm tryna' say. She's...." He turns his body, raising a knee up on the bed, "I don't think I've seen her so..." He motions his hands, "Happy? I don't know if she's happy, but, she's way different than what she used to be. It's like she's a whole different person."</p><p>"She just needed a chance," Cap has said it time and time again, to all sorts of folks. To her friends, ex friends, to the Ryes, to herself, "She needed a place to grow. Where she could be herself, instead of a Highwaymen. She needed a new start. I wanted to give her that."</p><p>Donnie nods, grinning, and plays an upbeat little tune, "I think I'm running with the right fucking crowd."</p><p>"Second chance city, baby," Cap says, and she means it. Helping Mickey, and Ethan, and now Donnie, she's finally found that calling that wasn't just security detail, or straight murder. It was rehabilitation. Helping people.</p><p>And her mind opens up to the possibilities. She had two Highwaymen defectors within her inner circle, and she thinks, <em>Just how many more are out there?</em> How many are tired of the raids, the violence, the cruelty of the Highwaymen?</p><p>Mickey and Ethan come back ten minutes later, with some icing - covered sweet rolls and warm coffee in some thermoses they had brought for the trip. They make moral jabs at one another, picking each other apart in a grotesque, but friendly, fashion that Cap smiles through her roll at. She feeds Timber, and the hour ticks on.</p><p>"So," Cap says, "What's the plan for tonight?"</p><p>Mickey stands up, brushing the crumbs from her lap. She claps her hands, "We fuckin' party."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey and Cap play dress - up for the next hour, configuring a disguise for Mickey that would allow her to be out and about in a high - energy place, like a bar, without being recognized. Of course, they shove Mickey's hair into her pom'ed beanie, but strip her of her usual blue color, and replace it with a gray hoodie Cap had stashed away. It's a little big in the shoulders for Mickey, but she rolls the sleeves up and strips off her motocross armor. Nobody would ever know it was her. Cap adds a small, faded bandage above her eyebrow, to hide her tattoos, even though Mickey pulled her hat low over her brows, hiding her eyes in shadow. They talked about removing her piercings, but Mickey complained about how much of a pain taking them in and out were, and they nixed the idea quickly. Her white hair only stuck out on the bottom, and could easily be passed off as bleached, if anyone decided to dig.</p><p>She stood, in her size - too - big hoodie, her baggy joggers, high tops, and hat. She looked cool. The outfit reminded Cap of the skaters in the hundred issues of twenty - year - old Thrasher publications she's read over the years. She looked very cool, semi - formless, giving her a heightened look of androgyny than she usually carried.</p><p>Donnie watches with half - interest at her semi - transformation, while Ethan studies them boredly. He didn't look very excited about a night out partying. Cap isn't surprised. Even when he was better and was moving around Prosperity freely, he never strayed around parties or group gatherings, not even at Cap's annoying and poking insistence.</p><p>He does, however, pull on a clean grey long sleeve shirt, one with no holes and very little wear, no doubt one he's snatched from Nick Rye's closet when he had his back turned. He pairs it with faded jeans, and nothing else interesting. He lays his hair over his shoulder, smartly hiding the burn that crawls up his neck and chin. Donnie wears his usual outfit, with his blank leathers, uncharacteristic of the Highwaymen, who loved symbols and statements that removed them from common folks and survivors. He, however, does change his red shirt for a black one. He looked very sleek, and very cool.</p><p>Standing next to Ethan, the two of them almost even in height, it reminded Cap of an old fashion magazine. The plain look of a boy - next - door, clashing with the attention - grabbing style of a bad - boy. Though, Donnie reeked more of the boy - next - door archetype, and Ethan the outcasted bad - boy. Not that he ever could play the cool, smooth bad boy. Not even if his life depended on it.</p><p>Cap does little to herself, since she had nothing to lose amongst strangers, besides making sure she was keeping tabs on her friends. She pulls on clean jeans, which were men's, and half a size too big, and an oversized faded shirt under a threadbare flannel. She sets her hat low, motioning to her outfit.</p><p>"How do I look?"</p><p>"Like a local," Mickey says. She pulls at Cap's flannel, fixing the collar, "So hick - country. Blegh."</p><p>"What's the carry policy?" Cap asks Donnie.</p><p>"Open or hidden. Nobody's gonna check you. No brandishing, unless you wanna spend a night in the jailhouse." </p><p>They leave, pockets stuffed with scrap for trade, weapons strapped to their thighs and backs. They only carry their lighter weapons, though, keeping their heavy artillery locked up underneath their beds. They leave Timber in their room to sleep, leaving him a bowl of water. It was much cooler out, and Cap thanks herself for bringing her windbreaker, pulling it closer. They go next door to the bar, Enrique's. Unlike the morning, it was absolutely bustling with nighttime energy, people spilling out, each with a cup or glass in their hands. They climb the short steps leading inside.</p><p>The inside of the bar is crammed with people, the music loud, and most, if not everyone, had a grin or smile on their faces. It was a lightened mood, a bright light in the midst of a devastated people, just a windfall away from an unlivable zone. Cap studies the crowd. People are crowded in corners, or in the middle of the bar, dancing. There was a system of speakers and wires that ran along the ceiling beams. It looked haphazard, bordering on dangerous, and Cap was already looking for open windows and doorways to make a quick exit in case the building sparked and became aflame.</p><p>Donnie leads them to the bar, taking up a seat. The other three lean over. A thick man with thick body hair and a beard is polishing glasses behind the bar, collecting pieces for trade and passing out liquor and moonshine in a myriad of different glasses and cups. Some old porcelain, some glass, some carved wood, or metal. He grins when he sees Donnie.</p><p>"How's it goin', kid?"</p><p>"It's goin' good, Enrique, thanks," He places scrap down, "Got any tequila this month?"</p><p>Enrique hands them a myriad of different shaped metal cups in a few minutes, the bottoms lined with brown liquid. Cap curiously sniffs her drink.</p><p>"Woo," She says, "Smells strong."</p><p>"Is this a drink, or paint thinner?" Ethan asks, rhetorically, and miserably.</p><p>"You drink usually?" Donnie asks him.</p><p>"No. Not at all, actually."</p><p>"Let me guess....Homestead banned it?"</p><p>"Exactly so," He swirls his cup. Cap knows well and fair that Ethan avoided drink. He's had beer before, but not much, "But there's a first time for everything, right?"</p><p>"It won't kill you," Mickey tells him.</p><p>Cap bumps his shoulder, crowding the group in, "Cheers?"</p><p>"To the road ahead," Mickey raises her cup.</p><p>"To new horizons," Donnie says.</p><p>"To hopefully not throwing my guts up," Grimaces Ethan.</p><p>They down their drinks, and the sharp, semi - grotesque taste of tequila burns smooth down Cap's throat. They set their cups down, and Ethan sputters, and heaves, face scrunching up like he'd been punched in it, "Oh, God!" He coughs.</p><p>The group laughs, Mickey motioning to him, "It's not that bad, Eden."</p><p>"There's usually a lime that follows," Donnie says, "But I haven't seen a lime in weeks, so..."</p><p>"<em>Jesus</em>, you all do this for <em>fun</em>? It's masochistic!" He smacks his lips, "Ugh. I thought if everyone was getting drunk so much, it would at least be a little better tasting."</p><p>"And there's plenty more where that came from," She slaps down more scrap, ordering another round.</p><p>Though unhappily, Ethan takes another shot. He meets Cap's eye, saluting her, and takes a deep breath as he downs his shot. He sputters, and coughs, again, and Cap easily downs her cup.</p><p>"OK, I think that's enough liquor for you," Donnie takes his empty cup, ordering a beer, and being handed a bigger, metal cup. He passes it to Ethan, "This'll probably be better."</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"Beer."</p><p>Ethan eyes the cup, taking it, "Thanks," He says.</p><p>"But don't have anymore shots or liquor after you drink that," Cap says, reciting the age - old wisdom, "Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."</p><p>He eyes her, "Thanks for the wisdom," He sips his drink, making a face, but not as dramatic as the tequila made him, "Ugh. Bitter."</p><p>Cap grins. She looks at the rest of them, "Let's find a table, yeah?"</p><p>They order a few beers. It takes a few moments of searching, but there's an empty table, on the other side of the building, with a direct line of sight on the dancefloor. They take up the chairs. Cap watches people dance, some alone, some together, in pairs, or groups of three or so. She sips her bitter brew, nodding her head with the upbeat music.</p><p>She bumps Mickey on the shoulder, "C'mon, Mick, wanna dance?"</p><p>Mickey huffs and shakes her head, "Yeah, no, I'm good over here."</p><p>She gets ready to ask Ethan, but Donnie cuts in before she can, "I'll dance with you, Cap."</p><p>She beams, "Hell, yes. Let's go," She downs her drink, and grabs Donnie's hand, pulling him onto the dancefloor.</p><p>Bodies twist and move with the music. As they reach the center o the dancefloor, the music turns deafening, and so does the crowd's chatter and yelling. The music moves from the upbeat tempo to something slightly slower, but still sugary and upbeat.</p><p>"Oh, I love this song," Donnie smiles.</p><p>They join hands, and waste no time cutting a rug right into the center of the bar. Cap puts a swing in her hips, while Donnie puts a tempo in his step. Neither are particularly following the mood of the crowd, or the music, but the both off them were high off their lightened moods, Cap even more so, having built up a very soft buzz off of her downed beer. Rather than the dancing to the beat of the song, the two were dancing to the beat of each other, joining hands, and pressing their bodies up close, only to fall away from each other like the leaves of a plant caught in the wind, separating, only to be brought back when the breeze is over.</p><p>They make it through three, four songs, before they're both falling over each other, sweating and laughing. They decide that that was enough dancing for now, and head back to the table and to their sitting companions. Mickey is lounging in her seat, smirking at the two, and Ethan is sipping his beer, looking less interested.</p><p>"You guys are maniacs," Mickey says.</p><p>The two slide into their seats, and Cap goes to drink from her beer, only to remember she had downed it already, "Aw."</p><p>"Uh oh, Cap's on empty," She takes out some scrap, passing it to Ethan, "Why don't you get our saving grace here another drink, Eden?"</p><p>"Why do<em> I</em> have to do it?" Ethan complains.</p><p>"Because if you're gonna be the most sober of us, you might as well be useful."</p><p>He grumbles, but takes the scrap and stands up, walking off.</p><p>"He's such a baby," Mickey says, drinking.</p><p>"Be nice."</p><p>Donnie looks into his drink, "So, about Ethan...."</p><p>"Yeah? What about 'im?" Cap watches his form disappear into the crowd.</p><p>"He, uh..." Donnie coughs, "He single?"</p><p>If Cap had a drink, she would have definitely spit it out. She stares at Donnie, she and Mickey silent, before Mickey lets out a short, but loud, laugh. Cap pulls her fist back, socking her in the arm.</p><p>"Ow! God - Sorry," She shakes her head, but the smile doesn't leave her face, "God, I know he's your type, Don, but <em>Ethan</em>? Standards, who?"</p><p>Donnie, slightly embarrassed, lowers his head, "Oh, c'mon - "</p><p>"Mi - " Cap catches herself, remembering where they are, "You! Stop."</p><p>"What? Don't tell me you're not <em>shocked?</em>"</p><p>Cap was, a little, but Mickey didn't need to know that, "That's not the point."</p><p>"God," Mickey leans a cheek into her hand, swirling her drink, "The thought of someone besides you, Cap, liking Ethan...It's <em>unnatural</em>. Like cats and dogs."</p><p>Cap's cheeks go red, "People like Ethan."</p><p>"Yeah? Name five."</p><p>"Me, you - "</p><p>"Who aren't at this table."</p><p>Cap pauses, "Selene...."</p><p>"Selene.....?"</p><p>She searches through her brain for more names but, unsurprisingly, found none. She stutters, and Mickey's smile just grows wider. She leans back in her seat, staring down the glare Cap throws at her.</p><p>"So..." Donnie says carefully, ".....Yes?"</p><p>"Yeah, he's single," Mickey confirms, "Nobody here, nobody back home. But if you're gonna try and shack up with him, well, good fuckin' luck. Guy's as tight as a farmer's daughter's chastity belt."</p><p>"Oh, he is not - " Cap starts.</p><p>"C'mon, don't be naive. I'd be more than shocked if he ever accepted another girl's advances, let alone a guy's."</p><p>"I'm not looking to wed and bed him," Donnie says, defensive, "I was just wondering. Tall, handsome, smart guy like that, single? Kinda strange, you ask me."</p><p>"Ethan's a strange guy," Mickey points out, "As you've seen. He's not so popular where we are."</p><p>"Sad, really."</p><p>"You offering?" Mickey asks.</p><p>Donnie's face falls, mouth turning to a tight line, "Fuck you."</p><p>"No, no, I mean, he's free game. Good for whatever. Just ask Cap here."</p><p>Cap burns bright, like a star. She silently curses Mickey out in her head. She and Donnie's eyes meet. He sits back, "Oh, shit. I didn't - know you two - "</p><p>"We aren't together," Cap says quickly, "It's casual."</p><p>"But you are seeing each other?"</p><p>"Yeah, but like I said, casual. No strings attached, no commitment, just...fun," She drums her fingers on the table, embarrassed and nervous, turning her head, "What the Hell is taking him so long?"</p><p>And, on cue, Ethan pushes through, with a drink in his hand. He looks absolutely miserable.</p><p>"What took you so long, Eden?" Mickey asks him.</p><p>"The fucking crowd by the bar, that's what," He plops down in his seat, passing Cap her drink, "Here."</p><p>She takes it, "Thanks," And downs it. She slams her cup back down, "<em>Whew</em>! Mickey, can I talk to you for a second?"</p><p>After Mickey downs her drink, they go outside, into an alley next to the building, where the crowd doesn't reach far. Mickey leans against the crumbling concrete of the building, crossing her arms.</p><p>"Yeah?" She looks bored.</p><p>"Mick, you really need to lay off Ethan," Cap says, harshly whispering, "You're going way too far with some of the shit you're saying to him."</p><p>Mickey rolls her eyes, almost exasperated, "Oh, c'mon, Cap - "</p><p>"Yeah, I get it, it's funny sometimes, and sometimes, it kinda is, but most of the shit you've been saying recently has been really out of line, especially in front of Donnie."</p><p>"He's fine - "</p><p>"Silly nicknames? That's fine. Poking at him once or twice? We can move on. But, c'mon, Mick, the shit about the Judge? And about me and him? That's really not funny."</p><p>"Sounds like it's more about you than him," She looks past her.</p><p>"And even if it is, it's none of Donnie's business, and you don't have the right to share it."</p><p>Mickey rolls a tongue over her teeth. Cap plants a hand on the wall next to her head, leaning in.</p><p>"Please, Mick. It's not gonna kill you to be a little decent. I'm not even asking you to apologize. Just lay off for a little bit, alright? About his bedside manners?"</p><p>Finally, Mickey looks at her. She sighs heavy through her nose, "Fine," She says, "I can stop with those."</p><p>Cap grins tightly at her, "Thank you."</p><p>"Bossy."</p><p>She frowns, "I am not."</p><p>"Keep telling yourself that," She yanks Cap's hat low over her eyes.</p><p>"Bully," Cap murmurs under her breath, following and fixing her hat.</p><p>They go back inside. Donnie and Ethan are in light conversation. Donnie puts a lot more energy into into it, but Ethan is paying attention, leaning on the table. They notice the two approaching.</p><p>"What was all that about?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"Wouldn't you like to know?" Mickey says. They sit down again.</p><p>And as they do, Jack walks up. Without his guard armor on, Cap could see he was a strong, lean man, with dark hair and light eyes, "Hey, Don."</p><p>"Hey," Donnie says, standing. They shake hands again, and Jack pulls up a chair, sitting between Cap and Donnie, "How was watch?"</p><p>"Same ol', same ol'," Jack has a beer in his hand, and drinks from it, "People complaining about the bumpy road and Highwaymen."</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>Jack turns his head, to the rest of the group, "Don't think Donnie ever introduced us. I'm Jack."</p><p>"Cap."</p><p>"Molly," Mickey says in a low voice.</p><p>"Ethan."</p><p>"So. You're all the intrepid messengers delivering the remains of the Twins to their final resting places....What's the score?"</p><p>"Mickey's notebook," Mickey says, "And Lou's chain."</p><p>"What's on the chain?"</p><p>"Fake gold and a shotgun shell. There was nothing else left of 'em. Folks out there left them to the wolves."</p><p>Jack whistles, "Woof. Well, serves 'em right," He leans in, elbows on the table, "They went too far out West."</p><p>"The Twins?" Cap wonders.</p><p>"Yeah. They've got a good foothold out here, don't know why they need to expand so far. They should be going East, claiming the land out there."</p><p>Cap flicks her eyes to Mickey. She stares into her cup, obviously having something to say, but biting it back.</p><p>Jack continues, "But Donnie's not treating you bad, is he? Those mean ol' Highwaymen - " He wraps an arm around Donnie's shoulders, pulling him in and smiling.</p><p>Donnie grins crooked, and Cap leans over, "He's <em>just</em> this side of bearable."</p><p>"If you like a song and dance at every campfire," Ethan says with a copied grin, "Really. He should be working in a place like this than with the Highwaymen."</p><p>Donnie shrugs, "Change of scene might be nice."</p><p>"Maybe in your retirement," Ethan offers.</p><p>"The only retirement with the Highwaymen," Jack leans in, "Is death."</p><p>Ethan raises his eyebrows, "Oh."</p><p>"Or if someone blows off my legs in an explosion," Donnie says, "Then I guess everyone would stick me in, like, the watchtower, or whatever."</p><p>"We can only hope, man," Jack turns to Cap, "Anyone need a drink? I'm feeling charitable," He smiles at her, "Especially when there's a pretty lady with an empty cup nearby."</p><p>Mickey snorts, "She's good," She pushes up from her seat, grabbing her and Cap's empty cups and walking off to the bar.</p><p>Jack leans back, his hands up, "Whoah, my bad."</p><p>"Oh, you're fine," Cap crosses her arms, "But if you're looking for a little fun, you're at the wrong table."</p><p>"Noted."</p><p>Mickey comes back, and they all clink their glasses together in a friendly salute, and drink. After her third beer, the music changes back to an upbeat station, and Cap can feel the energy of the crowd move and shift with it. She and Donnie get more beer, and slide back onto the dancefloor, Jack in tow, leaving Mickey and Ethan at the table. Jack is a nice guy, if nosy, but Donnie doesn't tell him to get lost at any point, so he's good in Cap's book. Mickey comes out for the last dance, swaying with Cap, their hands on each other's hips. With the crowd around, Mickey doesn't shy away at kissing Cap - repeatedly, and sloppily. Fourth beer comes and goes, and the buzz gets heavier, and Cap decides she should cut herself off at that point. She gets much too silly whens he drinks. She strides over to the sitting Ethan and Mickey. Mickey looks like she's having a grand time, while Ethan looks, still, miserable.</p><p>She looks over to Ethan, grabbing his hands, "Come dance with me, Eth!"</p><p>But, Ethan stays put in his chair, "No, no, I'm good."</p><p>She pouts fakely, "Oh, <em>c'mon</em>..."</p><p>"Yeah, I am good right where I am," He slips his hands from hers, picking his drink up, then crossing his arms, "I'm having enough fun from my seat right here."</p><p>She sighs, plopping down next to him, "C'mon, Eth, have some <em>fun</em>."</p><p>"I am, thank you."</p><p>Donnie comes along, Jack having gone and left to have another drink. He sees Ethan's sour expression, and frowns, "What's wrong?"</p><p>"Nothing," Ethan responds.</p><p>"Then what's the frown for? You're makin' a face."</p><p>"I'm not making a face," He insists.</p><p>"You want another drink?"</p><p>"No. I'm good with the swill I already have."</p><p>Donnie tilts his head, "What? Not having fun?"</p><p>"Oh, <em>no</em>, I'm having <em>loads</em> of fun watching everyone get drunk while I get my ears blown out by loud, horrible music. <em>Really</em> having fun, yeah."</p><p>"If you wanted to leave, you could've said something. Or stayed in the room."</p><p>"And spend my night alone while you all tear up the town? Yeah, that doesn't sound lonely or pathetic at all. A <em>really</em> good use of my time."</p><p>Donnie motions to him, "Are you kidding? I would've stayed if you wanted to stay."</p><p>Ethan stutters, "And what? Miss out on the party?"</p><p>"I ran with the <em>Highwaymen</em>, Ethan. Every night with them was a party. I would've stayed with you, if you asked. I could've used the quiet company, actually, to work on some music."</p><p>Ethan doesn't look at him, keeping his eyes on the crowd past, but Cap can see the gears turning in his head. She glances at Donnie. He's overlooking Ethan, eyes soft. She bumps Ethan's shoulder, "If you're not having fun, I'm not gonna force you to stay. You and Donnie are free to head out," She shrugs, "It'd be more interesting than watching a bunch of drunk people throw up all over each other."</p><p>Ethan thinks, for a few seconds, then passes his still - half - full, warm beer to Cap, "Anything to get out of here."</p><p>Donnie downs his last beer, passing his empty cup to Cap, "We'll see you back at the room."</p><p>"Don't party too hard, you crazy kids," Cap says, watching the two as they walk off.</p><p>Mickey moves over, throwing an arm around the back of Cap's chair, "Think they'll fuck?"</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Because if they're in there, shaking the walls, then we'll have to find somewhere else to fuck."</p><p>"Who said we're fucking tonight?"</p><p>"You did, when you were slobbering all over me ten minutes ago on the dancefloor," She moves her arm lower, to circle Cap's waist, "And I mean to collect. Calling in one of those last favors I've got."</p><p>Cap smiles, and tilts her head, kissing Mickey. She still tastes as bitter as the brews she was drinking. She moves a hand on Mickey's thigh, rubbing. They break, and both reflect the grin on the other. They abandon their cups, and the bar, and go outside. Jack is perched up close to the alley, bent over and heaving.</p><p>"Hey, big guy," Cap says, patting his back, "You gonna be alright?"</p><p>"Surewill," He slurs out, "I'mgood."</p><p>"Maaaaybe we should help him home."</p><p>"Yeah, probably best," Mickey agrees, "We leave him, someone'll take his pants, and there's nothing sadder than a man without his pants."</p><p>Cap agrees. They let Jack hurl a couple times, before they take one side of each of him, and help him walk to his place. Through slurred words, he tells them he lives in a small box of a room ten blocks away in a makeshift, crumbling complex, the lights still on. Cap and Mickey drag him up the stairs and, at one point, Mickey accidentally drops him. The man gurgles and groans on the floor, but is still conscious, and the two pick him up and throw him into his room. Cap lays him next to his bed, a mattress on a wood frame on the floor, on his side, in case he throws up during the night, so he doesn't choke on his vomit. As soon as he hits the floor, he's out cold.</p><p>Cap sighs, semi - exhausted from carrying a grown man up the stairs of his ramshack complex building. She stands, and looks around Jack's room. It's sparsely furnished, messy, with clothes and rusted weapons and other items throws around. Mickey teeters over to a clothing - covered dresser, picking up a shirt.</p><p>"Can't imagine this guy ever trying to flirt a girl into his room just to bring them to this," She curls her lip, "Ew."</p><p>"Hey, not all bad," Cap flops down on the mattress, hearing the springs creak. She leans on her side, arm draped over her, "Wanna - ?"</p><p>"I'll murder you if another word about this place comes outta your mouth. C'mon, lets get outta here."</p><p>They walk down the stairs, Cap swings her arms, then hooks an elbow with Mickey's, "Great night out, huh?"</p><p>"Went better than I thought it would," Mickey admits.</p><p>"Worst case scenario?"</p><p>"I get spotted. So, not bad. Not bad at all."</p><p>Though they were both feeling it back at the bar, the long walk from Jack's apartment box to the inn killed the alcohol - fueled, heated feelings the two had, sobering the two of them up slightly. Mickey still held onto two favors Cap owed her, yet.</p><p>As they walked up upon the front steps to the inn, Cap still clung to Donnie's questions in her mind, how he always seemed to look at Ethan softly and with a crooked grin. She thought she would've caught on a little earlier, but she never entertained the thought, seeing how Ethan always seemed to treat him with distrust and a cold shoulder. But, as the journey went on, the two found common ground. However, what really would be a test, would be Ethan's own attraction. Coming from a sect where God's word was doctrine, Cap was surprised to hear that there were, indeed, no real care for a preference. So long as you followed the Father, you were welcome. But, after all she'd known of him, he's never mentioned an attraction to a man. Cap had never seen him catching glances, besides the one at the river before. But, she did not know everything about Ethan Seed, and he surprised her still, at times.</p><p>So, with the possibility of him actually being attracted to Donnie, she dreaded having to climb up the steps to their room. She would hate to barge in, in case anything was happening. But, maybe, hopefully, hopefully, things hadn't gone that far, and she and Mickey would not be subject to sleeping in the motel hallway instead of their comfy beds. Cap could imagine the headache coming her way the next night.</p><p>They get to the room. Cap puts a finger up to her lips. She leans in, pressing her ear to the door. She hears a muffled voice, too contained by the walls to properly hear. She carefully opens the door to the room, only letting it open a crack and, lucky for her, the door swings silent.</p><p>
  <em>"Isn't it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone, tear me to pieces, skin and bone, hello, welcome home."</em>
</p><p>It's an otherwise innocent moment. Ethan is sitting on one side of the bed he and Donnie shared, in his boxers and shirtless, feet pulled up. He was dabbing some burn ointment on the exposed burns of his chest and neck, but his attention was on Donnie. Donnie was in his pajamas, too, black boxers with his black shirt, and he gently plucked at the guitar in his lap, singing. Donnie stops, tapping his fingers to the neck of his guitar.</p><p>"Beautiful song," Ethan says, "Did you write that?"</p><p>"Oh, no," Donnie responds, "I just picked up the sheet music for it. It's nice. She's got a couple other songs I've found, but, that one's my favorite."</p><p>"So," Ethan rubs the last of his ointment in, before stopping the jar back up and pushing it to the side, "You say you write your own songs. Have you ever finished any?" He pulls his discarded shirt into his lap, but doesn't put it on.</p><p>"A few. I don't know if they're good or not. I work better when I'm given a frame, than to make it myself."</p><p>"Can't be that bad."</p><p>"Believe me, they are."</p><p>Ethan is silent for a few moments, "If I showed you some of my poems, would you show me some of your songs?"</p><p>For the first time since she's know Ethan Seed, he shows an openness for someone other than her. Cap closes the door.</p><p>"What?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"They're <em>fucking</em>," Cap answers, matter - of - factly.</p><p>"Oh, they are not," She attempts to open the door, but Cap blocks her.</p><p>"Whoa whoa whoa," She insists, "We've still got a few scraps to spend and moonlight to burn. Let's hit the nightmarket, yeah?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>A rich smell coaxes Judge into consciousness. It's heavy, lingering in the air. Must be a stew, they guess. They could recognize the smell of cooking venison a hundred miles away. They blink their heavy eyelids open, expecting to see the tall, log cabin of their lodge in New Eden, adorned with animal skins and bones. Instead the metal of an old and rusted bus corpse greets them.</p><p>Panic darts through them, like the swipe of a knife. They attempt to sit up, only to feel a cold wet on their forehead.</p><p>"Don't get up just yet," Jerome says softly, "You're half - starved, and still weak."</p><p>He appears in their exhausted vision. It's nighttime now, and the only visible light was a fire outside the shell of the bus, cooking whatever stew Jerome was making. The Judge so, so badly, want to press up and run, but to see Jerome Jeffries again, so close, reminding them of days before the Collapse and the mask and the village and the hardship that followed, they lay their head down again. Jerome was only in his sixties, but he looked so much older. Though the wrinkles and spots in his face were deep and weathered, he looked at Judge with a familiar, soft kindness.</p><p>"Didn't think I'd ever see you again," Jerome says, not looking into their eyes, instead, studying their face, "When we didn't see any of the other deputies around, but we saw Joseph...." His eyes lower, "We thought he killed you."</p><p>It would've been kinder, and better, had Joseph killed the Judge when he could, but he didn't. His depravity and torture extended so far, mercy wasn't in his vocabulary anymore. </p><p>"But you survived, Deputy," He dabs a cool, wet cloth to their face, "Can't say I'm shocked. You always seemed to pull out when nobody else did. I always held out with that hope, even after all these years."</p><p>And as the Judge focused on that cloth on their face, they realized that, to their quick horror, they didn't have their mask on. They sit up as fast as a bolt, stunning Jeffries enough that he doesn't have the chance to stop them as they push up, and stand. But, Jeffries was right. They were still weak, and they fall onto the metal of the floor, softened by some canvas material. They hit their arm hard, and groan loud. Jeffries pulls them up by their shirt, and they realize that he's stripped them of their overcoat, pauldrons and quiver, boots and mask. He sets them back up on the bed - which is barely a bed, but bus seats pressed together and covered with old and holey sheets. Judge raises their hands to cover their face, fearful of being seen. Mouthing, the words not coming out, <em>No, no, no, no -</em></p><p>Hands hold theirs, "Dep - "</p><p>"No," The Judge scrapes out, "No Dep," <em>Don't call me Dep.</em></p><p>"<em>Aiden</em>," Jerome says. He clasps their hands together, "It's me, Pastor Jeffries."</p><p>They know it's him better than he thinks. They shake their head, squeezing their eyes shut and ducking their chin into their chest, like a child would. If I can't see him, he can't see me.</p><p>"Aiden," He calls again. He releases his grip on their hands, moving to their shoulders, then to their face, forcing it up to look at him, "It's you, Aiden, I know it's you. Come back to me."</p><p>But I'm already here. Fingers brush their eyelashes, and, finally, the open their eyes. The Judge becomes very still in Jerome's weathered hands, staring into his once rich and deep brown eyes, now colorless with age. His glasses were lost, some time ago, or maybe broken. And while his eyes lost the splendor of his youth, they did not lose the fire and passion behind them, the love for the folks around him and God and all of the things that made life worthwhile.</p><p>The Judge weeps.</p><p>They fall forward, their forehead landing straight into his shoulder. They bury their head into the scratchy wool of his sweater, the weeping becoming louder, evolving into frenzied cries. They try to gulp in air between, feeling like their body would shake itself apart. They clutch Jerome tight, afraid to let go, in case they really did come apart, like a stuffed scarecrow who's stitched seams were being cut open. Jerome holds them, not shying away at their loudness, drawing his hands up their back.</p><p>"Everything's alright, Aiden. You're safe."</p><p><em>Safe</em>. Judge could laugh, if they weren't so deep in throws of what they would call a full blown tantrum. It lasts for....they don't know how long, but it's much longer than they'd like. All that's left in them is a hiccuping emptiness, their tears spent up. Jerome still holds them. They grab his sleeves. When was the last time they've been held? With kindness - real kindness. Not with whatever emotions Joseph Seed ever held them with. They curl up against him, shoving their face into the neckline of his sweater.</p><p>A hand on their back pulls away. The other does, too, and Jerome lightly, very lightly pushes them up from him. They sniff in response, and in his hand, he has their mask. It looked like it was made of carved bone, at times, than sanded wood. They don't want to put it back on, that mask of death, the one that kept them hidden, that stole them away.</p><p>But while their mind screams at them to knock it away, their body reacts. Fingers clamor for it, pulling it on and expertly tying the knot in the leather straps like they've done so many times before. The knot catches their hair - it was so long now, reaching under their armpits. They recognize their own muffled breathing, the shadow that went over their eyes, hiding them.</p><p>"I've got the rest of your things, too," Jerome says. He motions to the corner, where he's neatly laid out the other clothing items that he'd removed from them, "But, why don't you stay? I'm sure you're hungry."</p><p>And the Judge was. Starving, actually. They haven't felt the pangs of hunger since the first Dark Winter, almost eleven years ago. Not that the pain ever bothered them. Their time under Joseph's thrall, outside of the bunker, were a blur. One painful, messy blur that melded together like a child's watercolor painting. They were numb, and in that numbness, they watched their body do it's daily chores, patrol the lines of the village, starve, kill, hunt.</p><p>It wasn't until Joseph disappeared that they found themselves slowly entering back into their own body. Voices sounded sharper and clearer, food tasted better, color popped in ways they've never seen before. They found themself yearning, and longing, and they would look out from their station at the village gates to see survivors, approaching curiously to the homestead. However, they would see the Judge's intimidating form, and turn tail. They wanted to meet them, to speak, to know someone who wasn't a New Edener. Someone who wasn't a Peggie.</p><p>But, while their mind wanted on thing, their body wanted another.</p><p>Jerome stands, "Stew should be ready. You stay here, let me get you some."</p><p>They ache to reach out for him, or to stand and follow, but their body does neither. No, their eyes watch Jerome step out of the bus, and they glide across the floor, like a wicked shadow, and gather their items, expertly and quietly putting their clothes on.</p><p>By the time the good pastor returns, the bus is empty, one window pried open.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The nightlife of Hell's Edge is less jovial than that of Bucket Valley. It lacked the night vendors, only food or weapons.</p><p>"How is hunting out in the Deadzone?" Cap asks as they come to a vendor selling their hunted game.</p><p>"It's the middle of the season. Should be fine, long as we don't make a lotta noise," Mickey eyes some wrapped venison jerky, "But we should take stock of what we need. We should get water filters, extra mask filters...." She stops, then waves the thought away, "Ah, we'll figure it out tomorrow. I'm hungry."</p><p>Nearby, there was a diner open. Diner was being nice - this was a slum kitchen with a greasy - looking cook with an absolutely miserable staff. Through an exchange of scrap, Cap and Mickey procure two cups of coffee and an armful of hot buns with homemade cream. They take seat in the diner, a little, crumbling booth in the corner. The coffee tasted like hot sludge that neither milk nor sugar could save, but the buns were more than pleasant.</p><p>"So," Mickey starts, "How's your book?"</p><p>Cap shrugs, "Going fine. Just over halfway done."</p><p>She leans in, chin tucked over her folded hands, "Too much trouble to ask about it?"</p><p>Hesitating, Cap chews on her bun. But, then she remembers, in her drunken buzz, that she was going to tell Mickey about it, initially, before Ethan joined their party and dashed her plans. She looks around. They were alone now, the only within the fake diner, and even if there were anyone around, she reasons, they sure as Hell wouldn't be interested in the chattering of two drunk girls. She swallows, and sips her sludgy coffee, "Don't mention anything to Ethan, alright?"</p><p>"Like I would."</p><p>Cap talks about the Judge's journey so far. She skims many details, giving Mickey only the barest of them, since there were many events squashed into one book that Cap couldn't possibly relay without it in front of her. She details the Judge's bravery, but also their trauma. The death that followed them in waves, the days where fighting was constant, and peace was few and far between. Mickey's favorite parts were the ones where the Judge enacted revenge killings on John and Jacob Seed, and the vindictive ways they caused trouble for Faith.</p><p>"Wonder why Joseph kept them alive all these years," Mickey wonders, "If I were him, I'd just kill them, flat out."</p><p>"I'm wondering too, but I'm hoping the Judge answers that question by the time I'm done."</p><p>She leans back, "It's....fucked."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Really fucked. Like some....horror protagonist's descent into the mouth of madness, or some shit."</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"You think Ethan knows why?"</p><p>"Probably not. I think if he did, he'd mention his family all being maniacal cult - worshipping murderers, just to flex."</p><p>"Yeah, well, firstborns usually keep their mouths shut about the family dirt."</p><p>Cap pauses. Mickey pauses. They lock eyes. Mickey squints.</p><p>"He's.....firstborn, isn't he?"</p><p>She clicks her tongue. <em>Uh oh.</em></p><p>"C'mon, Cap, I'm not gonna say anything. Mum's the word," She flashes a grin, putting a finger to her lips.</p><p>Bad idea, flashes in red in Cap's mind, Bad idea, don't tell her. But these warning signs were pushed out by drunk Cap's need to overshare. She tells Mickey what Joseph Seed did to his first daughter. The once borderline - jovial moment sinks. Mickey looked disgusted - and not in the way Cap usually saw disgust in her, like when Cap would make dirty jokes or they would have to clean out the henhouse together. This was a disgusted shock. Horror, Cap prescribes.</p><p>"What a fuckin' animal," Mickey says, "Killing a newborn? That's just fuckin' wrong."</p><p>Funny, to hear what was and wasn't right from an ex - Highwaymen. But Mickey was an ex - Highwaymen for a reason. Cap leans over the table, crossing her arms, "Really fucked up."</p><p>"And he's got no idea?"</p><p>"Nope. Far as he knows, he's Joseph's only son."</p><p>"And what do you know?"</p><p>The pause is longer than Cap expected. She shrugs, "Nothing more than the Judge knows."</p><p>Mickey crosses her arms, "Cap."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Whats the dirt? What's the Judge know?"</p><p>Cap rubs a tongue over her molars, picking out coffee grinds stuck between, "Nothing. They don't know anything."</p><p>"I don't know why you're lying. I'm not gonna say anything, you know that."</p><p>"I can't. Judge isn't sure, so I'm not sure."</p><p>"Sure about what?"</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>"Nothing?"</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>Mickey stares at her, long and hard, and uncrosses her arms, "You're fuckin' weird, Cap."</p><p>"Yeah," Cap agrees, picking at the crumbs on the table, "Yeah."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Donnie hums, watching Ethan from the corner of his eye. The man was currently engrossed in his notebook, reading lines of half - finished, abandoned songs. The book was coming apart by the spine, leather cracking, stuffed full of sheet music. His eyebrows are knitted together, flipping pages at different intervals. Behind, on the opposite bed, Timber was fast asleep. Donnie and Ethan threw him a bowl of jerky pieces of dinner.</p><p>"<em>And so the days go and flutter by / like the wings of a day old butterfly / and I'm still waiting for you to shy around</em>," Ethan airs, blankly and out of the tone Donnie had meant for the song, "Cute."</p><p>Donnie huffs, "<em>Cute</em>?"</p><p>"It's....Country. Reminds me of the people in Prosperity," He continues reading. After a few minutes, he sits up, and flips the book to Donnie, "Can you play this?"</p><p>Donnie sighs, "I don't know, that one always gives me trouble," He's worked on that song on and off for months. It's finished....technically, meaning that Donnie has been through seven different versions of it, and never </p><p>"Why? You don't like it?" Ethan narrows his eyes, "What's the point of showing off your work if you're just going to be afraid to play it?"</p><p>"I'm not afraid."</p><p>"Then show me."</p><p>Donnie's heart thunders in his chest. Ethan doesn't say it with a smirk, like Mickey would, or some other teaser. He says it like it's obvious Donnie should play, frowning expectedly. Donnie's eyes trace down his face, soaking in the burns on his chin. He had put his shirt back on, some of his skin slightly shiny from the burn ointment he had dabbed on. Ethan was tall, and just this side of handsome. While he was definitely defensive, he wasn't miserable all the time.</p><p>He takes the book from Ethan, setting it on his knee. With a familiar hand, Donnie plucks at his guitar, singing softly. During so, he confuses some lines with others, and loses the tempo while reading. A minute into the song, he gets frustrated, and flicks the neck of his guitar, irritated, and stops.</p><p>"That wasn't so bad, Donnie," Ethan says.</p><p>"Did you think it was good?"</p><p>"Well....I didn't say that."</p><p>He laughs. He closes his songbook, ready to push it away, but Ethan snatches it from his hand.</p><p>"I'm not done reading yet," He says, opening it back up and laying down on his back behind Donnie.</p><p>"Requests are open," Donnie tells him, "Whatever you see."</p><p>Ethan thinks for a moment, "Can you play me your favorite song?" He keeps his eyes on the open book above his head.</p><p>It was an innocent enough request, and Donnie never got tired of playing it, so he starts. The song was like a cup of hot tea after a long day, and he frequently played it before bed to relax.</p><p>"<em>Don't ask God, just holler to the sky, she'll tell it to you plainly, in the clouds that whisper by,"</em> He looks up, and Ethan has put his songbook down. He's sitting up again, eyes staring hard at Donnie, flicking up from his guitar to his face, "<em>And pray the shapes, and then praise the way they change, and they'll teach you not to pray to light, without you pray to rain</em>, "Donnie wavers, "What?"</p><p>"I'm listening. Isn't it obvious?" He makes a face, "Isn't it?"</p><p>"You looked like you wanted to say something."</p><p>"<em>After</em>."</p><p>"<em>Oh</em>," Donnie looks back down at his guitar, flushing hot, "Right," He continues, staring down. He finishes, the song dying out on his lips, and pats his guitar. He looks back up, "Yeah?"</p><p>"Are you a believer, Donnie?"</p><p>"In what?"</p><p>"In God. That's your favorite song, and the original artist seems to sing a lot about Him, so, thought I'd ask. Is it too personal?"</p><p>"No," He takes a second, "Religion doesn't have a place with the Highwaymen," He shrugs, "God is dead, in their eyes," He dredges up those long lost feelings, the ones he hasn't had the time to think about, "But....I think She's still out there."</p><p>"She?"</p><p>"That's God. She."</p><p>"What tells you God is a woman?"</p><p>"Like....Look at the world. Only a woman could create such beautiful things, like song and people," Then he taps the scar on his lip, "And such horrible things. Like guns."</p><p>"And people."</p><p>"And people," He agrees, "They're the most horrible, but they're the most beautiful," He pauses, "But I wouldn't say, really, that I'm the religious type. My mom was Catholic, but my dad was Jewish," He mindfully rubs at his chest, his Star of David dangling on a chain that he kept hidden beneath his shirt. He was always afraid of someone snatching it, so he normally kept it as well - hidden as he could. It was the last memento he had of his dad.</p><p>"Really?" Ethan looks intrigued, leaning forward.</p><p>"Yeah. What about you?"</p><p>"Christian," He folds his hands under his chin, "Even before I went to live with my father."</p><p>"Wish I had that. Like I said, no religion, so, my mom abandoned all that. Always said that God made people crazy, so what's the point of keeping Him around?"</p><p>"She might be right."</p><p>"Yeah, well, until she is, I'm gonna keep believing. World already blew up once. Can't blow up a second time, can She?"</p><p>"We can only hope."</p><p>Donnie strums his guitar, and Ethan shuffles closer. He swings his legs over the bed, sitting right next to Donnie. He taps on the neck of the guitar, "May I try?"</p><p>"Sure," Donnie usually didn't like to share his guitar, but this was Ethan, someone who wasn't interested in breaking things for no reason. He could trust him, like he trusted Mickey, and by extension, Cap.</p><p>Ethan settles the instrument in his lap, "I think I know a cord or two, actually," He says. He strums what Donnie thinks is Row Row Row Your Boat, and looks at him expectedly, "How was that?"</p><p>"Uh.....Good," Donnie says.</p><p>"You make it look so easy," Ethan ducks his head, "Everyone seems to have a talent except for me. You and your music, Mickey and her art, Captain and her killing."</p><p>"I think you're pretty good at being a medic. And you're a really talented poet. I mean, I haven't seen any of your work, but, you seem pretty critical of mine, so, you gotta know at least a little bit about what you're talking about."</p><p>Ethan's head raises. Their shoulders were touching. <em>When did he get so close?</em> "I guess I should show you some, shouldn't I?"</p><p>He shrugs, "If you want. Maybe I'll steal some of your lines for my music."</p><p>"I wouldn't mind that," Ethan says, "With credit," He strums the guitar a few times, then hands it back to Donnie. He reaches to the nightstand, where he's stacked a few books. He knocks one off the top, and pulls out a scratched up, dark blue journal, "Here," He says, holding it out. Donnie reaches for it, but Ethan pulls it just out of his reach, "Be careful with it."</p><p>"I'll be careful. I promise."</p><p>Ethan eyes him, then holds the journal out again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"I don't wanna go back to the room just yet," Mickey says, "We have five hours until sunrise."</p><p>"That's true. I'm sure the boys'll be fine without us for another few, wouldn't they?"</p><p>Their alcohol - fueled buzzes have subsided, for the most part, thanks to coffee and sweet rolls, and the two were meandering through the town. The more jovial nightlife was withering down, leaving stragglers in the streets. They deftly avoid pairs and groups of drunken people, studying the city where they were staying. Everything was lit by a dim amber glow, casting many shadows, which the two women keep their eyes on.</p><p>The bustling settlement of Hell's Edge was built over the remains of an old city, name forgotten by the people who now populated it, turned to concrete and dust by the Collapse. The roads were cracked pavement and cement sidewalks, overgrown with wild weeds, or torn up to make room for man - made shacks and buildings.</p><p>While people had built a life for themselves there, it was rougher out closer to the Deadzone, where winds carrying spare traces of radiation and bandits and Highwaymen scouted the roads and the forests around them. It was definitely a bleaker side than Cap was used to seeing, having been privileged enough to be raised where the Megabloom erupted.</p><p>They turn a corner, and find themselves facing a wall, covered with graffiti and barbed wire. It stretched ten yards between crumbling masses of the surrounding buildings, and reached twenty feet high.</p><p>"End of the line," Mickey says.</p><p>"Big walls," Cap says, following the height of the wall with her eyes.</p><p>"Keeps undesirables out," Mickey says, "Meaning trouble - making Highwaymen, and the usual raider party or two."</p><p>They keep going. So far, they've cross the whole city, and were now scouting the inner walls. Guards patrolled, but paid the two no mind. Cap stretches halfway through, yawning, "Jeez, am I beat. Can we get back to the room now?"</p><p>"What's the hurry?" Mickey says, checking out the watchtowers, "Still more to see."</p><p>"Yeah, but - "</p><p>"C'mon. I know this spot around here."</p><p>"You have a spot?"</p><p>"Well, it was me n' Lou's spot. We were frequent fliers around here, and when we weren't being bossed around by Pops, we were finding our own little slice of life."</p><p>"Where is it?"</p><p>"I'll show you. C'mon."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i think ive found a happy medium for myself. i was worried about the ways i was placing judge's journal entries into this fic, but i finally found a happy medium! in chapters where judge's journal isn't included, i'll flash back to what the judge is currently doing! fun! yay!</p><p>thank u so much for reading !!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: sexual content, violence, murder, suicide</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this took me forever but thats ok !!!! its out there and thats what matters :) Its kinda boring imo sorry.</p><p>thnx for reading xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They cross Hell's Edge, ducking guard patrols and roaming Highwaymen pairs looking for easy targets to rob in the night. They make it to a tall, decaying building with fires lit in the windows. At the base of the building were wooden boardwalks, and they climbed upward, creating stairs and platforms all the way up to the top. It was unguarded, Cap noticed, but the lower parts were blocked off with fraying rope.</p><p>"This the place?"</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey motions for her to follow.</p><p>They duck under the ropes and hop over the rickety wooden railings of the boardwalk. The wood creaks under their feet. Mickey flashes her pocket flashlight, guiding them up the dark walkways.</p><p>"So, like," Cap narrowly escapes planting her foot in an opening between the boards, "What is this place exactly?"</p><p>"Watchtower," Mickey says, "But nobody's used it in years. It's old as shit, and not even the supports the people have built here can keep it propped up. Most are too chicken to climb up, and the folks don't stash anything good here."</p><p>They ascend higher, "So what're we looking for?" Cap asks.</p><p>"Me and Lou's old roost. When we were teenagers, we would sneak out from under Pop's nose and head over here. We'd bring booze, guns, just about anything we thought was valuable, and stash it at the top."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>"The top is cool. The rest of the climb sucks. I fuckin' hate heights, man," Mickey exaggerates a shiver, "There's too much space between here and the ground."</p><p>"I can hold your hand, if you want," Cap offers cutely.</p><p>Mickey was walking ahead, and she reaches back, flexing her fingers. They hold hands on the way up, ascending creaking, rotted stairs and platforms that swayed with the wind. They reach the top of the building, a big, wide room with a crumbling ceiling. On the west side, there was a wall - wide hole, like someone had punched a hole through. Cap approaches the edge, looking down. Fires and other lights were distant below, and Cap guesses they were two - hundred or so feet from the ground, give or take. A wind shakes her clothes, as if trying to coax her to join it in the empty space of the sky.</p><p>"Jesus, Cap, come here," Mickey pulls at the back of her coat, "You near that edge makes me anxious."</p><p>"Nice view," She moves back, following Mickey into the back of the room. There's the remains of old rusted barrels and cracked, rotting furniture. In the back, there's a conveniently - placed wood pallet covered with plastic.</p><p>"Over here," Mickey takes one side, "You pull, I'll push."</p><p>Cap pulls, Mickey pushes. The pallet is heavier than Cap expected, and she peers inside the slots, seeing concrete blocks at the bottom. Once the pallet is moved, it exposes a hole in the wall. Outside, there's a small walkway made of wooden boards, closed off from the elements by wire and pipes into a makeshift guardrail. The position the walkway was built in on the building side was facing the forest and wastelands beyond, hidden from the city.</p><p>They carefully cross the walkway, and come onto the room of the building. It was flat, with high ledges that a person shorter than six feet could stand behind without being noticed. The roof itself was covered with a large, tattered plastic tarp, protecting it from the elements. Mickey shines her light around</p><p>What impressed Cap the most, though, was the sheer amount of stuff inside. Chairs and tables stacked together to create not a seating area, but a fort inside the stacks, and stuffed with threadbare pillows. Books, were piled high in some stacks, scattered around on the floor in other corners. Guns were laid out, rusted and disused, as well as cases of ammo. There was a bottle graveyard on top of graffitied crates, bottles empty. The area was split down the middle with graffiti paint, which covered just about ever surface in bold lines of black, pink, blue, yellow, and just about a hundred other colors, all in Mickey's telltale style.</p><p>Cap whistles, "<em>Whoa</em>."</p><p>"Nothing's changed," Mickey says quietly, almost in wonder, "Over here," She goes to a corner, and pushes over a stack of books. They fall, and Cap inhales dust, and cold air. She rifles around in the corner, pushing over chairs and other book stacks, and comes out with a box, "Here we go. Might as well pillage some stuff to keep up with that messenger lie we're working with."</p><p>It's a plain, metal lockbox. She pops it open. Inside are miscellaneous objects - old jewellery, bullet casings, paper. She sits down on the floor, and Cap sits with her.</p><p>"I guess you could say this roost was like a scav stash," Mickey says, "Nobody ever came 'round here. We stashed guns, ammo, clothes, anything we wanted."</p><p>"A little hideaway, just for you two."</p><p>"Nah, that sounds like we made it when we were six. It's a stash."</p><p>"OK, your <em>stash</em> is pretty cool," She looks around, "Looks like you had fun decorating," She traces a bold, thick line that formed into a bright pink skull.</p><p>"Only place I could," Mickey digs through the lockbox, bringing out items. She holds up a gold chain, "Here's Lou's chain. Well, it's my chain, but for the story, I'll say it's Lou's."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>"Bullet casings, old pens...." She knits her brows, and unfolds some papers that were inside, "Hm."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Old drawings," She passes them to Cap. Cap turns them over in her hands. They're scattered drawings, of objects, in either bubbly bold lines or sharp thin ones, of Mickey and Lou, and a man Cap doesn't recognize. There's a fourth, of a woman, but her face is smudged out with pink paint. Cap passes them back to Mickey, who neatly folds them up and puts them back in the box. She pockets Lou's chain, and tosses the box behind amidst the scattered books. She pulls off her hat, looking around, "Nothing's changed," She says with a shake of her head, "Been gone almost five years, and nothing's changed."</p><p>Cap stares at her. The room hasn't changed, but Mickey sure has. Rather than that charismatic, unhinged persona she flaunted a year ago, she was quieter. She couldn't help but stir the pot, it was in her nature, but trouble was the last thing she was ever looking for. Cap moves over, sitting next to her. She crosses her legs, and takes off her hat, too, setting it in her lap. She looks up, "You ever take the tarp off?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"I bet there's a real nice view of the stars."</p><p>There's a beat of silence, then Mickey stands, and the two unhook the tarp from the grooves of concrete it was dug into. They peel it back to reveal the deep, blue velvet of the sky. Though the night was moonless, it was dusted with stars that were highlighted white, yellow, blue, and pink, illuminating the roof.</p><p>"<em>Whoah</em>," Cap says, "This is probably better than any sight from the ground."</p><p>Mickey nods. She kneels down, reaching into the fort of chairs and pulling out pillows and blankets. She lays them out in the center of the roost, then lays down on top of them. Cap lays with her, settling a pillow behind her head, lacing her fingers underneath. There's a long stretch of silence, and to fill the quiet, Cap points up to the sky.</p><p>"You see that?" She points to a collection of stars, "Orion's belt."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>"And that?"</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"That's Eridanus."</p><p>Mickey doesn't respond, so, Cap keeps pointing the stars out, and naming them. Gemini, Canis Major, Canis Minor. Then she loses her train of thought, and starts talking about humanity before the Collapse, "I still can't believe we ever went to space. That's so crazy. It's, like, weightless out there, man. No gravity, no oxygen," She smiles, "Maybe we'll reach a point where we can rebuild enough to start doing stuff like that again. Big spaceships, shit like that. Think of it; Moon colonies. Farming right on that bad boy - "</p><p>A hand clamps over her mouth, "Cap. Stop talking."</p><p>Cap clams up, lips pursed. Mickey pulls her hand away. There's ten seconds of silence.</p><p>"But I think it'd be cool to farm on the moon."</p><p>Cap smiles. She turns over, and Mickey is staring up at the sky, still frowning. Cap edges a hand closer, nudging her fingers against Mickey's. Without much of a reaction, Mickey moves her hand, tangling her fingers with Cap's.</p><p>In quiet companionship, the two stare up at the stars. Even through her glove, Cap can feel Mickey's heart beat through her palm. It's sturdy, and steady, and her hand is warm, and she holds Cap's hand without a care in the world. Cap looks over, and the starry sky glimmers off of Mickey's wet cheeks.</p><p>She reaches a hand over, a knuckle touching a hot tear, "Mick?"</p><p>Mickey pulls away, sitting up, turning her body away. She lets go of Cap, running her hand over her face. She mumbles something under her breath. Cap sits up.</p><p>"Jesus Christ, Cap," Mickey breathes, "<em>Jesus Christ."</em></p><p>"What? What is it?" She attempts to wrap an arm around Mickey, who pulls away from the embrace.</p><p>Mickey stands. She goes, almost immediately, to a pile of rusting weapons. She grabs an old shotgun, holding it by the muzzle. She swings it, at the chair fort. It makes some of the wood crack, and sends the fort toppling over.</p><p>Cap springs to her feet, "<em>Hey</em> - "</p><p>"Goddamnit!" Mickey yells. She swings it again, bashing the chairs, "It's not supposed to be like this! I'm not supposed to be here!"</p><p>Confusion and worry roiling inside her, Cap grabs Mickey. She hooks her arms under Mickey's armpits, lacing her fingers behind her head. It causes Mickey to thrash, but forces her to drop the gun.</p><p>"Let go!"</p><p>"Relax, Mickey! It's OK!"</p><p>"It's OK? None of this is fucking OK!" She kicks out, trying to plant her feet flat and throw Cap off, but Cap anticipated the move, and held tight and fast, "Let<em> go!</em>"</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Cap, I <em>swear</em> to <em>God</em> - "</p><p>But Cap holds tight. Mickey yells, and thrashes, until the fire in her dies out, and she collapses, limp on the ground, forcing Cap to drop her. She keels over, forehead pressed to the ground. She yells out, back arching, like a cat. Cap smooths her hands over her back.</p><p>"It's OK, Mick, it's OK," She fights back tears, because crying wouldn't help her at the moment. She focuses on Mickey, but wonders if anyone below them could hear her yelling.</p><p>Mickey's yelling dies out, devolving into deep, frantic pants.</p><p>"You're OK, Mick, it's OK, you're OK, just breathe."</p><p>And breathe Mickey does. She inhales, and exhales, weighty and loud. She picks herself up, sitting up on her knees.</p><p>"How're you feeling?"</p><p>"Like shit, I feel like <em>shit</em>," She wipes her mouth, sitting up. She looks at Cap, and Cap can read a lost emptiness inside her eyes, "I don't feel whole, Cap. It feels like I've lost half of myself with Lou. <em>Nothin</em>' feels right. I wake up, and it feels like I'm missing something. I keep," She holds her own arms, pulling the fabric of her sweatshirt tight, "<em>Looking</em> for her. Everywhere I go, I'm looking for someone who looks just like me. I feel sick every time I look in a mirror."</p><p>Cap, not knowing exactly what else to do, gently cups Mickey's arm, helping her up. With no resistance, Mickey stands. Cap has never lost a sister before. Cap has never lost family before. She couldn't imagine the insurmountable pain Mickey must've been in. Mickey shakes her, walking forward, staring down at the mess of the chair fort.</p><p>"The universe," Mickey breathes out, "Is fucking cruel. It's cruel as <em>shit</em>. Here I am, stargazing in our old hideout, while my sister is rotting six feet under in a place she doesn't know," She inhales deep, "This is wrong. It's all fucking wrong. And <em>you</em>," She turns, and gestures to Cap, throwing a hand out, <em>"You,</em> are the last fucking person I ever expected to come along with me."</p><p>"Why's that? I'm your <em>friend</em>, Mickey, that's what friends do - "</p><p>"Did you get dropped on your head, Cap? Me and Lou killed <em>everyone</em> on that fucking train, and that's what you call me? A fucking friend - <em>your</em> fucking friend?" She walks forward, "Your teams? <em>Dead</em>," A step, "Your specialists? <em>Dead</em>," Another step, "Rush? Six feet under. I've put <em>everyone</em> you've <em>ever</em> cared about in the ground, but you call me your <em>friend</em>," She jabs her finger into Cap's chest, "It's not <em>right</em>."</p><p>Cap sharply inhales, shaking her head, "I wasn't gonna let you cross four states by yourself!" She says defensively, voice raising.</p><p>"I didn't need you to tag along with me! I would've made i just fine on my own!" Mickey's voice raises louder.</p><p>"<em>Maybe</em>, you would've, <em>maybe</em>!"</p><p>"Yeah, <em>maybe</em>!"</p><p>And Cap doesn't move. She stays still, and a wave of sick, sick realization falls over her, "You came out here all this way just so you could fucking <em>die</em>? Are you fucking <em>insane</em>?"</p><p>Mickey pulls back, "I wasn't gonna walk four states out and put a bullet in my head, Cap, I could've just done that in the valley. But I figured that if I traveled out, and I didn't make it, then I didn't make it," She dusts her hands, "No harm, no foul. <em>Nobody</em> would miss me."</p><p>"I'd miss you!" Cap yells at her, "Jesus - H - Christ, Mickey, I didn't bring you back to Prosperity just so you could throw everything away!"</p><p>"What do I fucking have?"</p><p>"Your life! Your mom!" She pauses, "You have me!"</p><p>"This isn't a joke - "</p><p>"I'm not joking! Mickey," Cap steps forward. She takes Mickey's hand, folding her own around it, "I'm here, for you, and I wouldn't be here if I didn't give a fuck!"</p><p>Mickey stares at her, hard. Cap can see it in her eyes, she doesn't believe her. She shakes her head, trying to pull her hand back, "Stop - "</p><p>Cap holds tight, "Mickey, please, listen to me. When Rush died - "</p><p>"<em>Stop</em> - "</p><p>"<em>When Rush died</em>, I was so....<em>Fucking mad</em>. I spent a week, just wandering around that valley, wishing I went with him - "</p><p>"Cap - "</p><p>"I thought if I took you out, I'd feel better. I felt like if I got revenge, it'd all be OK. But it wasn't. I had you at my mercy, and I couldn't pull the trigger. I realized that I was so, <em>so,</em> tired of killing people. I was tired of it, Mick. I didn't want to kill you, so, I didn't. I had the choice, and I made it, because you deserved a chance - "</p><p>Fat tears roll down Mickey's cheeks, "I don't want to be forgiven - "</p><p>"Yeah, you don't, you want punishment! Well, here it is Mick, you're stuck, with me, with a village of people who hate your guts! That's your Hell right there!" She lets go. Mickey doesn't step back, but, instead, falls forward. She rests her head on Cap's shoulder.</p><p>"You're such a <em>bitch</em>," She says quietly, "<em>You're a bitch, and I hate you</em>."</p><p>"You don't fucking hate me," Cap wraps her arms around her, hugging her, "You couldn't hate me if you fucking tried."</p><p>Mickey yells, into the fabric of Cap's windbreaker. Their chests pressed together, their heartbeats shared, it was like a thunderstorm had made its home inside their bodies. They thumped loud, loud enough that Cap thought the whole of Hell's Edge could hear them. They stay like that, standing, Cap holding Mickey, Mickey losing it in Cap's windbreaker, until the sky breaks lighter, and the city lights below dim out.</p><p>They break, and they both stare at one another, eyes locked. Cap raises a hand, thumbing over Mickey's cheek. She turns her head, Cap's hand moving away from her skin.</p><p>"We should get back," She says, eyes down. Her hands pull off of Cap.</p><p>And though it hurt, Cap let go of her, "OK," She says.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Reading Ethan's poetry would be easier, if he wasn't staring at Donnie like he were building a grenade in his lap. His stare was even more unnerving, given his one eye is still injured, the bruising yellowing. Donnie carefully laid the book out over his knees, and was attempting to read the scratchy, but legible, handwriting inside. It was leather and paper, but he treated it like it was made of glass.</p><p>But, Ethan's poetry was something to treat delicately. It wasn't the flowery, romantic type, Donnie didn't expect it to be, but what struck him was how particularly visceral it was. Some poems carried a deep sadness, with scratched out lines and splotched ink or pencil, while others were quickly scratched out in a frenzied hand, voicing rage and gruesome violence. But some were positive, detailing peaceful times. Donnie could even describe some as happy.</p><p>Donnie brushes his fingers against a neat - written poem that didn't rhyme;</p><p>
  <em>with open arms</em>
</p><p>
  <em>accepted and</em>
</p><p>
  <em>healed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>drawn away from flames</em>
</p><p>
  <em>into cool white water</em>
</p><p>
  <em>to grasp and wait</em>
</p><p>
  <em>for her to visit</em>
</p><p>
  <em>for a glimpse of</em>
</p><p>
  <em>wheat hair and scarred skin</em>
</p><p>
  <em>gun in one hand Gift in another</em>
</p><p>
  <em>shepherd, savior</em>
</p><p>
  <em>delicately violent</em>
</p><p>
  <em>harshly forgiving</em>
</p><p>"I think this one is my favorite so far," Donnie says, looking up from the middle of it.</p><p>"Which one?"</p><p>"This," He turns the journal around, pointing.</p><p>Ethan studies it, and frowns, "This is one of my more simple ones," He says, "There's better ones - "</p><p>He attempts to flip the page, but Donnie pulls the book back, "Hey now, I think this one is plenty good," He opens it back up;</p><p>
  <em>a how are you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>with hot drink</em>
</p><p>
  <em>or hidden snacks</em>
</p><p>
  <em>snuck away from a faded</em>
</p><p>
  <em>white coat</em>
</p><p>
  <em>alone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>or with</em>
</p><p>
  <em>even without a reach</em>
</p><p>
  <em>or grasp</em>
</p><p>
  <em>without body or</em>
</p><p>
  <em>mouths</em>
</p><p>
  <em>time is fine</em>
</p><p>
  <em>company</em>
</p><p>"It's not <em>that</em> good - " Ethan reaches over.</p><p>Donnie leans away, switching the book into his other hand and out of Ethan's reach, "I'm not done yet, I'm still reading."</p><p>"Donnie," Ethan says tightly, "Enough."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"It's not <em>good</em>," He says, adamant.</p><p>"It's <em>good</em>," Donnie insists, "It's really good. Freeform is a powerful way to get your feelings across," He looks at Ethan, "I was right all along. You <em>are</em> talented."</p><p>"There's better ones in there," He comes closer, reaching.</p><p>"But I like this one," Donnie just extends out more.</p><p>Ethan grunts, and presses his chest to Donnie's shoulder, trying to grab the journal, "You Highwaymen are all the same, just <em>bullies</em>," His hand slides across Donnie's chest, trying to use him as leverage. It only makes Donnie lean out further, and suddenly, there's no more space to go. With Ethan's extra weight on him, they both tumble off the bed, Ethan landing directly on top of Donnie. Their hips and bellies were flush together, Ethan's hands planted on both sides of Donnie's head so he didn't completely crush the man.</p><p>The room heats up by ten degrees, and Donnie freezes on the floor. Ethan is still as stone above. His hair was undone, and it fell over Donnie in a veil. They lock eyes, Donnie's train of thought was knocked right off of its rails. Ethan's eyes are dark and wide, and burn as they bore into him. Donnie inhales. <em>Get it together, Don. </em></p><p>"You OK?" He asks him.</p><p>Ethan scatters up and away, tying his hair up. His olive skin darkens with a flush, "You're <em>lucky</em> we didn't break anything," He says bitingly. He grabs the book from the floor, where it fell out of Donnie's hand. He turns his back to him, facing the bed.</p><p>Donnie stands, "Hey - "</p><p>"This was so stupid," He lets out a frustrated grunt, wrapping the leather cord back around his journal.</p><p>"Hey hey hey - " Donnie places a hand to his shoulder, "It was too far, alright? I'm sorry. Please, c'mon, I'm sorry - "</p><p>Ethan shakes him off, turning. His face is creased, frown deep, "You...." He grunts, "Forget it. I'm going to bed," He doesn't wait for Donnie to respond. He just places his journal down, lifts the covers up, and nestles in, his back turned.</p><p>Donnie sighs through his nose, sharply. Nice going. He reaches for the blankets of their bed, but pauses. Donnie wouldn't say he's the smartest guy around, but he's sure not the dumbest, either. He chooses to instead round their bed to go sleep in the other, with Timber. He pulls up the side of the blanket Timber isn't laying on.</p><p>"What are you <em>doing</em>?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"Turning in," Donnie answers, climbing in, "What does it look like?"</p><p>Ethan sits up in the bed, raising an eyebrow at him, "That's the <em>girls</em>' bed."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"Mickey's not going to like that much."</p><p>Donnie rolls over, "I'll deal with it when they get here."</p><p>There's silence on Ethan's part. Then there's the sound of sheets rustling, "Are you mad at me?"</p><p>He turns back over, sitting up, "What? No, I just thought - " He furrows his brows, shaking his head, "I'm not. Why would I be mad?"</p><p>Ethan's mouth is a tight, pale line. He looks down at his hands, "Do I annoy you, Donnie?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"So why are you over there?"</p><p>Donnie swings his legs over the side of the bed, "I thought <em>you</em> were annoyed with <em>me</em>."</p><p>"I am," Ethan says honestly, "But I didn't mean to drive you off."</p><p>Confusion inks into Donnie's mind, "I'm still here, aren't I?" At first, Donnie thought he had Ethan pegged pretty good. But as the night goes, Ethan just kept surprising him at every turn. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, then stands, and walks over to the bed, "Move over."</p><p>Ethan does without issue, making space, and Donnie edges under the covers. He looks over at Ethan, who's head was poking out from under the blankets.</p><p>Donnie sighs, "I'm sorry for teasing you," He says.</p><p>There's a long pause, "I'm sorry for yelling at you," He turns onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, "I'm not good at being nice."</p><p>Donnie snorts, "Well, you're not the meanest I've met."</p><p>"<em>Wow</em>," Ethan says, "<em>Thanks</em>," He clenches his fists in the sheets, "People make jokes about me being socially handicapped all the time. It happens a lot back in Prosperity."</p><p>"That sucks."</p><p>"Yeah. It does. I don't have any friends," He says.</p><p>"You have Cap and Mickey."</p><p>"Mickey isn't my friend."</p><p>"Then you have Cap."</p><p>"One is almost as pathetic as none," He sighs through his nose. Then he sits up, and draws his knees up to his chest, "I'm sure that's not an issue for you, though. People probably beg to get acquainted with you."</p><p>Donnie sucks in air through his teeth, "Hate to break it to you, Ethan, but I don't have any friends, either."</p><p>Ethan's head snaps to him, a look of surprise on him, "That can't be true."</p><p>He shrugs. It hurts to think about, to actually say, but Donnie powers through it, "Yeah. All my," He makes air quotes, "Friends, were really using me to up their statuses, or, like, just around to bully me," Or use him for a quick fuck, but, Ethan doesn't need to know that.</p><p>"What about that man from the bar? Jack?"</p><p>"We aren't really friends. We're drinking buddies, more like. I only see him once every few months, when I travel through on business. I don't really count that as friends," Drinking buddies, and if the liquor flows enough, bedmates, too.</p><p>They both sit in quiet, awkward silence. Donnie rustles a hand through his hair, and looks over at Ethan, who's eyes flick at the corners, catching glimpses of him. He pauses, then grins halfheartedly.</p><p>"You know, if neither of us have any friends..." He reaches over, grabbing Ethan's poetry book, "We could just be friends to each other," He taps the cover with his knuckle, "We're already poets - in - crime."</p><p>Ethan stares at him, "That's a joke," He says.</p><p>"I'm serious," He holds out the journal, "We're gonna be travelling together for a while. No reason we can't make nice along the way."</p><p>Ethan takes the journal from his hand. He holds it in his lap, going quiet. He shifts, then shrugs, "I guess that would be OK."</p><p>Donnie grins softly, "Cool," He holds out a fist.</p><p>Slowly, Ethan holds up his own fist, and bumps it. He offers Donnie a small, small smile, and opens up his notebook, "Do you mind grabbing me a pen? I'm thinking about a line from that song you wrote, and I think I know a way to make it sound a little smoother."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
The walk back to the room is quiet. The city was starting to wake again, the sky lightening up. Cap and Mickey keep an even foot apart as they walk in tandem, heads down and hands in their pockets. Cap thinks of a hundred, million things to say, but says none of it. She stops before they go inside the motel, motioning to the side, for Mickey to join her. Mickey follows. She leans up against the wall of the alley, Cap planting a hand next to her head, leaning in, shielding her from any prying eyes, deep in the morning shadows.</p><p>"Mick," She says, "I just want you to know that you have someone, alright? I'm here. For whatever you need."</p><p>Mickey keeps her eyes on Cap's collar, but nods. Cap sighs through her nose, and leans forward, and kisses the side of her head. There's a hesitation on Mickey's side, then she threads a hand in Cap's ponytail, tilting her head down and planting a kiss on her lips.</p><p>Kissing leads to roaming hands, squeezing and groping. Mickey lifts a leg up, and Cap grabs her thighs, lifting her and pushing her against the alley wall. Mickey's legs wrap around her middle. She rips off Cap's hat, crumpling it and throwing it.</p><p>Cap grinds against her, pressing her flat, taking as much space as Mickey would give her. She tilts her head, trying to suck on her neck, only for Mickey to yank her by her hair, back into a kiss.</p><p>Cap thinks, as her lips are being bruised and her hair is pulled and threaded through. She thinks about Mickey, and the journey ahead. She feels guilty. She always made sure to watch out for her, but with Ethan, and just about sixty other issues throughout the valley, she feels all but stupid that she never stopped to ask how she was doing.</p><p>Her gut coils tighter, and Mickey pulls harshly on her hair.</p><p>"Baby - " Cap lets slip. It gets crushed out by Mickey's mouth, and Cap is happy it did, because God knows what Mickey could do if she found out Cap liked her a little more than just a FWB. She liked a lot about Mickey. She liked the way she looked, the way she carried herself, the way she analyzed shit and the way she never seemed to lose her resolve or her patience. She liked how Mickey made her feel. She wondered if Mickey felt the same, but, probably not. Cap wasn't that lucky.</p><p>Mickey tightens around her waist, and bites down on Cap's lip, hissing through her teeth. She finishes, and holds tight at Cap ruts up against her, desperately seeking an end. She finds it, and her arms and legs burn from holding up Mickey's weight, breaking their kiss and smashing her forehead into the wall, grinding it out.</p><p>Both breathe, heartbeats thundering together from under layers of cloth and skin. Mickey resists against Cap, and she drops her, rolling out her shoulders. Cap leans down, giving her a last, soft kiss. There's more she'd like to say, but it gets lost when the kiss breaks, and Mickey walks out of the alley, motioning for Cap to follow.</p><p>Without words, they go into the motel, and climb up the stairs, opening the door to their room. Ethan and Donnie are blissfully passed out, books thrown about, Donnie's guitar laying at the foot of their bed.</p><p>"Looks like they had a fun time," Cap whispers, stacking the books on the nightstand.</p><p>"At least some of us did," Mickey says, undressing. She strips off everything except her boxers, and sports bra. She shoos Timber until he rolls over to the foot, and crawls into bed.</p><p>Cap chooses to ignore the line, and picks up Donnie's guitar, placing it back in its case. She pulls up the blanket of the boys' bed, She takes off her clothes, leaving herself in her underwear and her tanktop. She climbs into bed, Mickey immediately taking up the big spoon position and wrapping her arms around her waist. She tucks her head between Cap's shoulders.</p><p>Cap stays awake for another hour, waiting for Mickey to fall asleep first.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
"So how was your boy's night out?" Cap asks over breakfast. The crew had woken up, collected some scrap and those rusted guns they picked off the raider bodies, and headed out for the day for supplies. They sat in the diner Cap and Mickey had stumbled upon the night before, the place buzzing with late evening activity. Timber laid under the table, over Cap's feet.</p><p>Ethan shrugs, "Fine."</p><p>"Fun," Donnie says, "Shared some songs together, wrote some stuff, you know, guy stuff," He flexes, "Really pumped out that testosterone, y'know?"</p><p>Cap smiles, "That's great. A nice, quiet evening together is always nice."</p><p>"How about you guys?" He taps his lips, "Seems like you had a wild night."</p><p>Cap flicks her tongue out, and feels a welt where Mickey had bitten her lip the night before. She shrugs, "Jack was outside the bar, puking his guts out, so we helped him home."</p><p>"How was he?"</p><p>"Destroyed," Mickey says, "But he was alive last time we saw him, so, could've been worse."</p><p>"Hope he didn't have watch today."</p><p>"Hope he doesn't for the next few," Cap puts in, feeding Timber scraps, "Guy looked worse for wear."</p><p>"I'm sure he'll be fine," Mickey sips her coffee, "Not our problem he doesn't make it."</p><p>Donnie finishes his breakfast, and pushes a blueberry muffin over to Ethan, "What's the plan for today?"</p><p>"Check out the town," Mickey says, "See how the weather's been lately, how tight the Highwaymen have been patrolling this season, and how frequent the raiders have been hitting."</p><p>"How much do you think we'll get for the gear we yoinked?"</p><p>"Probably not much. They're usable, but shit," She shrugs, "But we have a lot of supplies still. We aren't gonna starve in five days, and it's easy to ration what we have."</p><p>Cap shrugs, "As long as we keep our water safe, we'll be OK."</p><p>"We'll pick up more meat, though."</p><p>"We could use more filters," Ethan says, chewing on his blueberry muffin, and pushing his uneaten bagel to Donnie, "Just in case."</p><p>"I think we'll be OK. It's the food I'm worried about."</p><p>"I don't know," Donnie says, biting into his bagel, "I think it's a better idea to get more filters."</p><p>"Won't do good if we starve, wildlife is scarce out there."</p><p>Mickey and Donnie argue a little, with Ethan cutting in. Eventually, Mickey waves the two men off, leaning back into her seat.</p><p>"What do you think, Cap?"</p><p>Cap picks at the remains of her omelette, "I think we should sell our weapons, collect our scraps, and then count what we have. We can split it between, if we have enough."</p><p>Donnie nods, "Sounds good enough," He says, "We should hold onto the scrap in the boxes you guys brought along."</p><p>Ethan and Mickey mumble their agreements, placated, for the moment. They finish up breakfast - dinner - and study the city. Mickey and Donnie lead, showing off a weapons market nestled in the East side. It was stalls and stalls of weapons - rifles, explosives, mounted guns waiting to be affixed to truck beds, you wanted it, the sellers had it. They sell the rusted weapons they had, trading for sniper ammo and one, single grenade, as well as some extra scrap.</p><p>"This seems useless," Ethan comments, "<em>One</em> grenade."</p><p>"Until we're in a bind, and need to blow a truck up," Cap says. She hands the grenade to him, "You hold onto that rock, Eth."</p><p>"Do I have to?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"I could take it," Donnie says, "If you're scared."</p><p>Ethan only clutches it closer, "<em>I,</em> am <em>not</em> scared," He insists, and tucks the grenade away, safe and sound. Cap and Donnie share troublesome smiles, and follow Mickey as she delves into an armory next door, this one specializing in padded armor.</p><p>Unlike a lot of the other armor vendors that they have seen so far, this one doesn't carry any motocross armor. It's run by a stern looking man with a scar down the center of his face. He picks his head up, and squints.</p><p>"Sorry, Boss," He says gruffly, staring at Donnie, "No motocross armor here."</p><p>Donnie shakes his head, "Not on Highwaymen business, sir. Just passing through with some messengers."</p><p>The owner eyes the other three, then curls his lip, crossing his arms, "No trouble," He says, stern.</p><p>"No trouble," Cap agrees.</p><p>They take a look at the wares. They were in good, quality condition, with very little wear, if at all. Cap touches one, and reads a faded patch on the side. H.E.P.D. The man was probably pulling stock from an old police station.</p><p>"We should get these," Cap says, "Heavy duty."</p><p>"Lead lined," The seller grunts out, "Good for a little extra line of defense out in the wastes."</p><p>Donnie cringes, "That really a good idea? Seems expensive...."</p><p>"If we get caught out there, with no armor, we're fucked," Cap says, "This isn't our territory. We need a little extra protection."</p><p>Nobody really tries to argue, so nobody stops Cap as she purchases one vest for the each of them, plus some extra mask filters he had in stock, cringing at the two pounds of scrap she hands over.</p><p>"This is really generous of you, Cap," Donnie says.</p><p>"It's no big deal," Cap says, "I'd do it for anybody I'd travel with long term like this."</p><p>He looks taken aback, "Really?"</p><p>"Yeah, really," Mickey cuts in, "Cap just loves to show off her," She leans against Donnie, sighing fakely and crossing her hands over her hear, "Kind and loving nature in every little way she can."</p><p>Cap flushes, "Quiet."</p><p>Donnie, Mickey, and Cap put on their vests with no issue, while Ethan struggles with the side straps. Cap is ready to step forward and help, before Donnie gets to Ethan first. He tightens the side straps, zipping the front of the vest.</p><p>"There ya' go," Donnie says, slapping Ethan on the back.</p><p>Ethan pulls back on his sweatshirt, "Thanks, Donnie."</p><p>"No problem."</p><p>Cap and Ethan share a look, and Cap beams at him. He rolls his eyes.</p><p>Next stop is the food market. It's slower now, thanks to the arrival of the night, but most of the vendors are still open for the nightwalkers. The day's meats that haven't sold yet are being traded for less, which Cap and Mickey take great interest in. They end up bargaining for two pounds of venison jerky, and some fresh fruit that would've lasted a few days longer. They had plenty of food to continue on with.</p><p>And all the while, they make conversation with the vendors. The weather, so far, has been mild this season, and the raiders haven't been as bad. They usually get more desperate in the winter months. The only real trouble would be hunting, and Highwaymen. Highwaymen still try to act like the bosses of the road, and end up stopping just about every caravan that comes down, even those with flags that mark they've paid their dues already, while the animals just get bigger and meaner the farther East you go.</p><p>"What should be our next stop?" Donnie asks, shouldering their meats, "Keep it moving, or just go back to the room?"</p><p>"We have all the supplies we need," Cap says, "I don't think we're missing anything."</p><p>"Wouldn't hurt to browse around, just to see what's here," Ethan says, "Are there any bookstores around?"</p><p>There was, indeed, one or two. The one was closed, only open during the day, but the second one was open twenty - four seven. The inside were all concrete walls with built in wooden shelves that reached a ceiling that was close to ten feet high. The shelves were packed tight, and very few patrons between the narrow aisles. Donnie and Ethan disappear in puffs of smoke, beelining for the poetry section, leaving Cap and Mickey alone with one another. Cap extends a hand out, hoping Mickey'll take it.</p><p>She does, reluctantly, if only to stick close in the skinny aisles. Cap squeezes, and navigates the shelves until she finds a little nook in the corner of the shop. A wooden board marked the section as mystery. She and Mickey investigate the books.</p><p>"You've been quiet today," Cap says, pulling a random book from the shelf, pretending to investigate it.</p><p>"I'm usually quiet," Mickey says back to her, tapping the lined spines of the books.</p><p>"OK, then you're quieter than usual."</p><p>"So that's a crime now?"</p><p>"I didn't - "</p><p>"Cap, look," She turns to her, "I appreciate what you said to me, but I'm fine."</p><p>"I only - "</p><p>"Just forget what happened up there and move on, Cap."</p><p>She takes a deep breath, and leans in, "I can't, Mick. I'm worried about you."</p><p>"I don't need you to be worried about me," She snaps, "All I needed to do was vent. Thanks, Cap, but I'm fine."</p><p>Cap opens her mouth, "I - "</p><p>"Hey," A voice whispers behind. The two turn, to see Donnie, "You guys see the music section around?"</p><p>"Nope," Mickey says, "But I'll help you look for them. Nothing good in the mystery section, anyway," She doesn't look at Cap as she walks past Donnie. He turns, following her. They leave Cap, alone, bending a book in her hand. She sighs through her nose, and follows.</p><p>Cap, though she wants to stop everything and demand a conversation, gives Mickey the space she needs. She follows a few paces back, pretending to be studying the books. Ethan comes up to her, at one point, a faded hardcover in his hand.</p><p>"What do you think of this, Captain?" He holds it up, reading the title, "Poetry for Dummies."</p><p>"I'm sure your poetry is plenty fine, Eth," She doesn't take her eyes off of Mickey, who's engaged in conversation over some music biographies.</p><p>He raises an eyebrow, "Not for me. For Donnie."</p><p>"His songs can't be that bad."</p><p>"They aren't, but I'm not going to be his editor in chief the whole time we're out here."</p><p>She looks at him, smiling, "You guys hit it off that well?"</p><p>He raises his chin, "We did," He says with a shrug, crossing his arms.</p><p>Cap's smile only grows wider, "Aw. That's nice," She leans in, "What do you think of him?"</p><p>"Well, he doesn't pry any more than you let him, he's open to criticism and - "</p><p>"No, no," She stops him, "What do you think of him?"</p><p>He stops to think, "He's pleasant to be around. I like being around him."</p><p>They leave soon after, hauling a few books under their arms. Mickey and Donnie split on some music biographies and songbooks, while Ethan totes a few fiction books. When Cap craned her neck to see, he quickly covered them up, and stuck them in a satchel he carried.</p><p>They go back to the room, counting their stocks. Everything was accounted for, and in good shape. They took apart two of the masks they swiped from the raiders that attacked them, fashioning them into one dog - appropriate mask for Timber. Cap placed it over his head, and he wagged his tail happily.</p><p>With everything said and done, Cap looked outside. The night sky outside was quickly rising into the morning hours. They would sleep, and then be on their way once night fell. While the rest of the crew turned in for the night, Cap sat at the desk of the room, opening the window curtains so moonlight would pour in, and opened up Judge's book.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Icy water rushes past the Judge, enveloping their nose and ears, their neck and hair, soaking them. They refuse to shiver at the sensations. They keep their head below the water until their lungs burn, and they're force to come up for air. The moonless night leaves no light, except for the stars. But the Judge was well acquainted with darkness, their eyes cutting through the night with no issue. They wipe water from their face, shaking. Crisp water drips down onto their leathers, soaking them.</p><p>They wonder what their next step should be. To go back to Jerome? To New Eden? The church? Kill themself? Wander until the Highwaymen appear?</p><p>The last option was most appealing. Restlessness ran through their body, making their hands shake and their mind race. They didn't need the blood, but they needed the adrenaline. They needed the energy, the violence, the purpose. Killing, being a mindless body hunter, <em>that's</em> what they needed. That's all they've ever been. A killer.</p><p>They squeeze out excess water from their hair, pulling their mask back on. The quickly fill their waterskin. It was late in the night, but the Highwaymen never slept, so they wouldn't be hard to find. They leave the fast - running river, climbing up a tree and sticking with the branches until they find a road. They wait, until they see the distant headlights of a convoy ahead, bumping loud music in the otherwise quiet night. There's two pickups, and one big looting truck.</p><p>They stand tall on the branch, readying an arrow. They hold their breath, then let it fly.</p><p>It whistles through the air, until there's the sound of shattering glass, and the heavy thump of carved stone hitting a body. The first pickup lurches, driving into the ditch on the other side of the road, crashing into the treeline. A passenger hops out, while the looting truck and the second pickup grind to halts. A total of five Highwaymen come out from their vehicles, guns at the ready.</p><p>Judge notches, and lets fly, two arrows, both hitting their targets, two dead before they hit the ground. Judge hasn't even activated their Gift yet. They didn't use it as often as Joseph would've liked them to. It felt like cheating.</p><p>The Highwaymen find out the direction they're in, and start shooting. Judge expertly ducks down, and rolls out of the trees, landing on their feet. They hold steady, notching an arrow and letting it fly. It hits a fourth Highwaymen, who has his finger on the trigger of his gun. He flails, and his spray goes wide, hitting the other two. It kills the one, leaving the last injured. It hit the arm he was holding his pistol in, and he's forced to drop it. He holds his shoulder, staring at the Judge. He turns tail, running.</p><p>Judge gives him a head start. They leisurely pack away their bow, and watch as he tries to climb into the looting truck. They stick low to the ground, and rush forward. The injured Highwaymen makes it into the truck. The Judge grabs onto the passenger side door, and pulls it open. They grab the Highwaymen by his armor, pulling him through the cab of the truck, out of the truck completely, and throws him down. They loom over him, watching him try to crawl. He swears, and yells, and makes pained, bloody groans and grunts as he tries to escape, unable to stand. Judge walks closer, and the poor, poor sonovabitch on the ground flips onto his back, trying to scatter away.</p><p>He raises an arm, trying to shield his face, "<em>Stop, please, don't</em> - "</p><p>Judge draws a jagged rock, fashioned into a knife, from their belt. They place a foot on the man's chest, forcing him flat. He yells out. Judge twirls the knife in their hand, then they stomp down their boot, hearing a crack, the man screaming out. They kneel low and quick. The man tries to block the blow, only for it to run straight through the meat of his arm. The Judge pulls it back, and as the man pulls his arm to his chest, screaming, Judge takes the opening. They tear the flesh of his neck, and collar, blood spurting out, turning the man's screams into nothing but gurgles. It soaks into their leathers, splatting their mask. They don't stop until the Highwaymen lays dead, unmoving.</p><p>They stand, exhaling shaky. They felt much better. The body bleeds dark blood, dead eyes staring up at the stars. They quickly check his body, looking for explosives. They find a few, enough to destroy the vehicles. It would be better to destroy everything, so that the Highwaymen couldn't recover anything from them, and they weren't done getting their fill of violence just yet. They needed more. Adrenaline thrummed harshly through them, demanding it. They first pick up the dead Highwaymen, and move the bodies closer to the trucks. They pop two of the grenades, throwing them into the truck beds and watching them explode in shrapnel and fire, shaking the earth under their feet.</p><p>While the pickup trucks wouldn't have held anything interesting, looting trucks were usually filled with all sorts of goods. They could take the truck, and drive it to a nearby settlement. Or, they could take the goods and stash them somewhere nearby.</p><p>But they still had one more grenade in their pocket. Better safe than sorry. They pull the pin.</p><p>There's a quick dart of movement along the dark ground. Judge pauses. They stare at the small, grey creature that ran out into the road. It's a rabbit, no larger than one of their hands. They place the pin back inside. They kneel down. They haven't seen a sign like this for a while now. Rabbits seemed to pop up more than ever, ever since Rush and his train entered the valley. Ever since Cap entered the valley. They hold their breath, watching the small animal sniff at the ground. Its ears perk up, and it runs around the looting truck. Judge follows as close as they can, and right at the back of the doors of the truck, the rabbit stops. It leans up on its hind legs, sniffing at the air. Judge steps closer. The rabbit looks at them, with big, glossy black eyes, and runs off into the forests surrounding.</p><p>Judge wastes no time opening the back doors to the truck. They have no idea what could be inside, but if God was sending them a sign, it had to be important. The door slides up, a platform lowering. They look into the dark of the truck, and their gut sinks like a stone. Crowded in the back of the truck were a group of people. Seven of them, all of varying genders and races, in scuffed and ripped clothes. Some looked worse for wear, beaten and bloody, while others looked as fine as they could be, given they were kidnapped.</p><p>A braver one - a woman with tan skin - walks forward, out of the shadows. She squints, and her eyes widen. She turns back to the group, "It's the Judge," She says.</p><p>There's a collective sigh around. The Judge moves to the side as the captives file out. One comes out, and clasps his hands over theirs.</p><p>"Thank you," He says, "We would've been brought to the bullet farm if you didn't rescue us."</p><p>The Judge doesn't respond, only clutching the grenade in their hands tighter, stomach lurching. The man steps away, and they're greeted by more captives, all appreciative, all exhausted. A last one - a young man no older than eighteen - steps out. He's got a bloody nose and a black eye. He smiles, and there's a gap in his teeth, blood dribbling down his lips and chin.</p><p>"You don't happen to have any weapons, do you?" He asks.</p><p>Suddenly, the Judge feels very foolish blowing up the trucks and bodies. They having nothing of use to offer this boy, who's very much more a boy than a man. Guiltily, they open up their hands, and delicately place the grenade into his. They step away from the truck, clapping their hands loud so the captives hear them. They all look at the Judge. The Judge curls their hand. <em>Follow me.</em> They start walking West. There's a nearby outpost that Cap had liberated, the Chop Shop, that had been taken over and turned into a safe house for the valley folks.</p><p>The group travels through the forests surrounding the roads. The boy sticks the closest to the Judge, walking by their side. He asks them questions, none that the Judge is able to answer, or desires to, but they let the boy talk. He tosses the grenade in the air, like it's a ball, and the Judge snatches it before it can hit his palm. They point to him, and hold the grenade up, then pull at his jacket and places it into his pocket, patting it. <em>Keep it there.</em></p><p>The smoke from the fires of the Chop Shop rise high into the sky. Judge stops in the trees, close by. There's guard patrols, like there usually were. Judge looks back at the group, motioning a hand out to the outpost. <em>Go on.</em></p><p>The captives walk forward, each thanking the Judge, and patting their shoulder as they go. The last to leave is the boy, who stops just outside of the woods.</p><p>"Why aren't you coming with us?" He asks.</p><p>It was a stupid question. New Edeners didn't mingle with valley folks. That's how it's been, and how it'll be for a very long time. But the boy was obviously inviting them to the settlement, for whatever reason. Probably in thanks. Their stomach curdles, hunger pains hitting them.</p><p>Their eyes flick to the camp. People were stopping their patrols, to greet the survivors. Someone calls a medic, and the group all points to the forest, to the Judge. One yells out, and causes the boy to turn.</p><p>When he turns around again, the Judge is gone, sunken back into the trees.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*puts lips onto mic* gay people.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: sexual content, drug use, violence</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>omg this took me so long aaaaaa</p><p>thanks for reading!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The next morning starts normal. We wake up, mid afternoon, and I dismiss Hurk, sending him to watch things at his momma's place, near the bridge that connects the mountains to the river, and ask Jess to head over to the prison, just to keep watch. I expected her to fight with me over it, but, she just nods, and asks Hurk for a ride to the valley.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurt me. She thought I rejected her. She doesn't even look at me as she climbs into Hurk's truck, and drives off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It leaves me, and Sharky, out alone there. As soon as that truck is out of sight, we get to work. We spend a little over three days in the mountains, setting up defenses and cleaning the place up. Soon, the mountain was the resistance's, and the Peggies couldn't get a single foothold in it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky Boshaw - the perfect image of a bad boy from a broken home. Parents were constantly fighting, in and out of trouble with the law, mostly for arson. Nice guy all around, despite his attraction to trouble. He was actually looking to the cult for a fresh start to everything, but once he figured out they were a bunch of murdering scumbags, he turned tail.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once everything is good and well, we descend the mountain. There's still some morning mist in the air, but it wasn't as bad as it was the days before, almost like it was reflecting the slip of Faith's hand. Sharky tells me, just down the mountain, there's an old diner we could check out. Might be occupied, by either valley folk, or Peggies. Either way, we should clear it. We head down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Aubrey's Diner. Unfortunately for us, it was all boarded up, and looked like it hadn't been occupied for a long while. There wasn't hide nor hair of a human being around. We chalk it up to a loss, and start moving, until we hear some shuffling, at the dumpsters behind the place. We both figure it's a raccoon, or some other animal, until I see a guy's head poke out. He's dressed like a normal fella, so he wasn't a Peggie, and me and Sharky both agree he might need help.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I go right up to him, and ask if he needs help. He doesn't even look up at me, his back turned, rummaging through a pile of trash someone dumped down there. He's humming to himself, like there's not a war happening all around him. I tap him on the shoulder, and he leaps away like I struck him with lightening. He falls over, but he looks up at me, and there's a wash of relief over his face when he sees we aren't Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hold a hand out to to him, and he takes it. He's real thin, with sunken eyes, with a shadow on his chin growing in, dressed in sloppy layers. He wipes his nose, which I found gross, since he was just going through garbage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"New World Order is erupting all around us, know what I'm sayin'?" He speaks with this weird stutter, and I knew right from the jump, this guy was tweaked out on something. Happens all the time in small towns - addiction, addiction, addiction. Didn't matter what it was, but it always took hold of little places like this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The guy tells me his name is Tweak. It's actually Aaron, but he tells me legal names don't matter that much. Sharky jogs up behind me, and Tweak takes one look at him, and greets him by name. Sharky does the same. I ask him how he knows the guy, and, like everyone else he knows around, he met him in highschool. He extends a fist out, and Tweak bumps it. I do the same, and Tweak nods in approval. Strange fella, but seemed harmless enough.</em>
</p><p>Next page is one of Tweak, who, as Judge described, is scrawny, tired - looking, and dressed in baggy clothes. He looked exactly what Cap would think a junkie would look like.</p><p>
  <em>"So, you're running with Sharky, and you, uh, don't look cultish - in fact, you have a distinct anti - cult vibe, which, I dig."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, I sure fuckin' hope so.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tweak then goes on to tell me he's been working on stuff for 'people like me,' AKA people working against the cult. Very hush - hush. Sharky tells me that Tweak has been working with the prison up yonder, supplying them with drugs he can sneak in without the cult catching wind. How he does it, I don't know, and never find out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I consider myself something of a professional amateur chemist, and I've got.....recipes that will make you harder, better, faster, stronger. Don't - don't - don't think of 'em like drugs, but, like....performance enhancers. You like - like the sound of that? Thought so."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Sharky look at each other. I wasn't too keen on drugs, but Sharky seemed all in with it. While he was a wildcard, he wasn't totally reckless so, if he seemed cool with it, I was cool. I tell Tweak, OK, we'll take some of these Peggie - killing - poppers you've got.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, he didn't have any.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But, small snag, my supplies are low. I'm gonna need some more special ingredients. I'd go myself but, uh....kinda busy here...If you're interested, find the goods and meet me back at Prosperity. It's a little town Southeast of here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask what he needs, and he tells me he needs Bliss oil, and Jimson weed. I say, Bliss oil? Isn't that dangerous? But he tells me the fine oil of the Bliss flower is what the regular cultists use, not what they use on the Angels. It's not as potent, and doesn't cause hallucinations, watered down enough to give you some extra kick - ass without the lobotomy. He's made other shit with Bliss oil plenty of times before, and it's worked out fine. Trust me, he says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In good, anti - cult faith, I do. We already had some Jimson on us, so we hand that over, but we've got no Bliss oil. Tweak tells us there's an old mine on the way to Prosperity that the Peggies have been using as a Bliss depot. If there's no concentrated oil around, there's definitely gonna be come cultists to loot it from.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We head down, and nestled in the side of a rocky hill, is an old mine, all dirt and rock and rotten boards. Barrels and barrels of Bliss were organized outside, some empty, some full, the bitter smell heavy all around us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You sure we should go in there?" Sharky asks, a little nervous, "Like, it won't be hard to find other cultists to loot the oil off of."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him, that's fair, Sharky, but take a look around. There's way too much Bliss for us to leave alone for the cult to snatch back up. We should at least try to look. If we don't find any, we blow it all up, and move on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He agrees. We dump the barrels outside out into the dirt, then head inside. I take point, Sharky watching our backs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inside is dark, dark, and more dark. I flip on my flashlight, and, immediately, I see a green fog raise from the ground, circling our shoes. I think to myself....Man, it would've been smart to invest in some gas masks. Between barrels, I see bodies. Angels, eyes closed, limp in corners. They seem dead, and don't react to us touching them. We search, and find no Bliss oil.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Particles float in my sight, everything turning blurry, and more saturated. Sharky places a hand on my shoulder, squeezing, encouraging me to go forward.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry, if the mist could turn us into Angels, we already would be a few."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I keep going. Then I hear the airy giggle of Faith Seed. I ask Sharky if he heard that. He says; Heard what?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We break down some boards, going further. I hear another giggle, and Faith say; Welcome to the Bliss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A valve, connecting pipes built into the walls, turns, and we both jump a foot into the air, almost firing right on it. We look at each other, and Sharky asks if he can wait outside. I say; No</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We keep moving, and shit gets weirder. I see shadows, run, between the short halls of the mine, and more laughing. I punch myself in the head, trying to make it stop, remembering what we were there for. Bliss oil, Bliss oil, Bliss oil. More Angel bodies, more searching, more nothing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We climb a ledge up, and a shadow creeps up in front of me, jumping out. I fire into the air, falling back, almost sending both me and Sharky back to the bottom. I point out, but the shadow is gone, with more laughing in my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I tell him; She's fucking here, Sharky, I swear to go, she's fucking here. I can hear her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me that she's not, he promises she's not, but it all feels so real. I know it's the Bliss, but it fucks with you so badly, Cap, it's like you're on another plane of existence, seeing what other people can't see.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pick myself up, and keep going. We check the bodies, and find a little Bliss oil, but not a lot. Most of the glass bottles are broken and leaking, or empty. Then we come to a huge, water - filled cavern, with wooden scaffoldings coming out from the bottom. We hop over them, watching the water. Dark shapes swirl under the low amber light of placed lanterns.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear Faith giggle more, and, in my paranoid stupor, I yell at the water, my voice bouncing off the surface in the walls. I scream that I'm not afraid of her, and that no matter where she goes and where she hides, I'll find her, and she'll be another body in the ground. I don't even care that Sharky is staring at me. I pick up a wrench that was on the platform, and throw it into the water. I see the shapes disperse, then sink with the wrench. Sharky tells me that we should keep moving, but I'm already on the way up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At the top of the cavern, there's a back alcove, with a generator that blinks red as tall and big as a car. We tinker around a bit with it, until the lights pop on. There's a loud, roaring sound, and off built into a wall, is a huge vent. It's sucking up all the Bliss in the mine, and I inhale, the bitter smell gone. We start overturning barrels, dumping the Bliss out, letting the fumes get sucked up and away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We exit, going back to the water - filled cavern, and the water had been drained from it. At the bottom, Angels waded in ankle - high water. Have no idea where they came from, but it looked like the generator might've woke some of the Angels up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Killing Angels was like euthanizing a dog. It was for the best. I sound like a fucking psychopath writing it all down. Looking back on it, maybe I was. Maybe we were too quick to pull the trigger on all of them. Maybe, in some other parallel world, there was a way to help them. It's impossible to reverse a lobotomy, but maybe we could've broken the hold the Bliss had on them, gotten them help. I don't know if I'd want to live like that, though. Nothing but a shell. I would hope someone would put a bullet in my eyes, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We kill those Angels, then loot their bodies, finding nothing. However, in the drained bottom of the cavern, are a bunch of crates. We pop them all open and, lo and behold, there's tons of Bliss oil bottles. We grab a whole crate of them, and I strap it over by back with a rope. We go on, spilling Bliss barrels over, until sunlight hits us again. I ask how long we were in there. Sharky says, maybe fifteen minutes. It felt like hours.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We continue on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What nobody told me, though, was Prosperity wasn't a town, but a little obstacle course for mannequins. It's like a serial killer's playground out there, separated from the rest of the natural world by a rickety old bridge over a skinny creek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky tells me that he and some other kids from highschool used to come out there, Tweak included, and party and get high out in the place. It used to be some old, themed carnival park that got abandoned almost as soon as it got built. It basically was a bunch of houses, built just bare to the bones, and covered with plaster and wood to keep the elements out. They could be proper houses, you put some plumbing in there. Anyway, the place got shot down by the cops, until Tweak bought it and turned it into, in laymans terms, a drug den. It's where Tweak did his 'chemistry experiments.' You'd think with such high - risk occupation, Tweak would at least invest in, like, a guard dog or something. There's not even a fence around the shitty town to protect him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's waiting around, near one of the buildings, and he smiles with these crooked teeth when he sees us. He takes the crate in his arms and goes, "This concoction will b - blow your mind. Turn you into a superfreak. Your own dad won't recognize you. You have a g - good dad?" He chuckles, "I didn't. Helped the Peggies cook the special sauce. Used my guinea pig as an actual g - g - guinea pig. Poor Hamlet..." He makes some weird, frustrated sound, "Sorry, what were we talking about?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Performance enhancers," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Drugs," Sharky says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Right! DRUGS - I mean, performance enhancers. We'll dose you up more than a pro wrestler and those Peggies will never know what him 'em."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He then disappears into one of the buildings, the big one with a fake saloon faceout, slamming the door shut.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah," Sharky says, "My dad wasn't that great, either."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mine either," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We sit around outside, enjoying what sunshine was coming through between the clouds. He checks his gun, and I take apart my pistol, cleaning it, then putting it all back together again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You think he's got any beer?" Sharky asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, Sharky, if we're taking some backroom performance enhancers, I'd rather be sober for it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're out there for maybe thirty minutes, and then Tweak comes right back out, shaking a little baggy of pills in his hand. I reach for him, but he pulls his hand back. They're not ready yet, he's gotta figure out my dose first. He brings us to the center of the town, and says that all I gotta do is run the course first, clean, then he can decide what's the correct dose for me to take.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's simple. I grab a shotgun, run the course to the best of my ability, taking out painted mannequins and targets on the way. There's some pigs running around, sanctioned in the graveyard, and my last task is to bump them in the rears with a baseball bat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I do all that, and go back to the saloon. It's clean, to my surprise, inside, with a kitchen, and a table stacked with chemistry equipment. Whatever business Tweak was doing out here, it wasn't anything small - time. He tells me that I did just great sober, but now we were gonna try it with some speed. But it's not speed - speed. Tweak calls it Fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Branding 101," He says, "Simple, powerful names. Like orange. I mean, oranges are just orange, y'know? Whoever thought of that was a fuckin' genius."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tells me to dose up, run the course, shoot the targets, and bask the pigs. Then he tells me not to feel bad for the pigs. They had it, in his words, 'Fuckin' coming. They know why.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I go to the start of the track. Sharky and him are watching me from the main building. He tells me that I'm good with half a tab of one, and that'll last four, five minutes. I ready a shotgun up, and pop half a little white Fast pill.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing happens, for a couple seconds, and then a wave of adrenaline shoots through me. My eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of my head, and everything looks blurry, but sharper at the same time, like I'm living a vivi, lucid dream. I dart through the obstacle course, all noise sounding muffled and slower to me. My gun feels lighter, and so do I. I finish up, having beaten the pigs, and find my two overseers watching me from atop an empty water tower. I climb up onto the roof to meet them, shaking, itching for more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've said it before, I'll s- s- say it again, pharmaceuticals are the perfect solution to every problem you could ever have. If you need to dose again, you come back to me. But I don't use replacement ingredients, so don't even ask. No blaming m - m - me if you deviate, OK, that's how science works."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then the Fast wears off. A hundred ton weight may as well have dropped on top of my head. I keel over, sweating and hyperventilating, and before I know it, I'm on my hands and kneels, puking my guts up over the edge of the roof.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ah, yeah, side effects. F - Forgot to mention watch out for that, haha.....Sorry."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I toss the bag of Fast over my shoulder. Between my wrenching, I tell him that I think I'm killing just fine without the stuff. Tweak totally understands, and will work on adjusting some ingredients to make it less nauseating. As soon as I'm done, I spit out what remains in my mouth, and look back at him. He looks at me, like he's expecting something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, uh, now can I let you in on a little secret?" He goes, "I'm working to diversify my product line, you know Just a little bump that'll help you generate more raw, physical power. Give you the strength of like ten men, or maybe like, four really big men."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I consider it, for a minute. Tweak seemed harmless enough. Fast may have caused some horrible reaction, but it didn't kill me, and I think that was the last thing the guy wanted to do to me. I say, OK, what do you need. He needs Mustard, he had all the Bliss oil he needed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It takes us three hours to locate some Mustard. We come back to the setting sun, and Tweak is hanging around, setting up mannequins again. We hand him the plants, and he goes back inside.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We sit on the roof while we wait. I tell Sharky it's no surprise kids used to use this place as a hangout spot. There's nothing but trees, all around. Sharky says he's surprised that the place is in such good condition still, since it's been marked off by the sheriffs for a few years, cameras and everything, patrols at least once a night, especially during the summer. He tells me some stories, about some crazy parties out here. They either end with him crashing out on one of the roofs, or blacking out and waking up on the riverside without any pants on. I laugh, and it feels good.</em>
</p><p>Next few pages are of Sharky. One is of him smoking, staring off into the distance. Another features him, holding a molotov mid - toss, smiling. A third is him, and Nick Rye and Jess Black. He's cheering glasses with Nick, the both of them smiling, while a slightly - less - annoyed - looking Jess looks on, arms crossed, most of her face sitting in shadow, but a small, small grin graces her carefully sketched - out lips. Cap turns the page, and finds more, ten pages of sketches of everyone the Judge has known. Grace Armstrong, Hurk, Pastor Jerome, Nick Rye, Kim Rye, a ton of others the Judge had known, at one point, who were still around today. The last page, surprising Cap, is of her. She's sitting down, leaned over a table with her cheek in her hand. She's looking forward, grinning, her eyes half - hidden by her sunglasses. Cap runs her fingers over the picture, tracing her own scars and freckles.</p><p>
  <em>I ache for that, Cap. That friendship I had. Not just with Sharky, but with everyone I fought with in the valley. I'm so lonely, Cap, all the fucking time. I look into the eyes of the New Edeners, and all I see is what they did in the past. I don't even know any of their names. I never bothered to. I never cared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But with the Father, I didn't think I could be alone ever again. That was my own mistake. I thought I was too complete to ever feel lost again. That I was too surrounded by love and God to feel empty and sad. What an idiot I was. How could I be so stupid to forget them all? To abandon them for the Father? Total madness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, Tweak comes out when the sun sets, with different pills. He looks excited to hand them off to me. These have a slight orange hue to them when I hold them up to some barrel fires. I ask him what he calls these.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Furious!" He goes, "That's the brand name. It's going to make your muscles into steel. You'll be able to punch someone's soul out of their body," He punches the air, "Bam!" We set up again, and he gives me the rundown, "Punch the targets with your God hands! Punch them into the fire pits, OK! Punch them so hard it'll make up for all the terrible things my dad did and all the lives he helped ruin!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him if he's OK. He says no.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" He goes, "Hope it won't blow your heart.....Shit, did I say that out loud?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pop a pill, and it takes a few seconds for it to take effect. Suddenly, a heavy weight drops on me, like all my organs and bones were replaced with lead. Everything turns more vivid, the lights of the fire pits burning my eyes, and it pissed me off. I wanted to get into those pits and punch the flames out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then music plays over the town PA system. I look around, and realize there's no mannequins near the fire pits.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Angels, coming in hot!" I hear Sharky yell from the water tower.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They rush at me like a swarm. But I'm ready, and pissed. I punch an Angel that rushes at me, and he fucking flies back, right into the fire pit. I'm so doped up, I don't even stop to think about how my hand had to be broken after that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tweak is yelling over the PA, "Everythiiiing is coooler when it's on fiiiiire!!!" He sings, "Fists of fury, muscles of might, running around punching things out of sight!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's funny, but I'm too busy knocking the heads off of Angel's shoulders to care too much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The Deputy! Strong and free! Gonna rip your stupid head off and use it for football and score a touchdown for viiiictory!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More Angels come in, in little handfuls, like Tweak had them set up somewhere and was releasing them as I punched them out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Here comes the Angels! They don't taste as good as marshmallows, OK, please don't eat the Angels, you'll probably get cancer that way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt more powerful than I ever have before. I could rip a door off its hinges, if I tried. My hands are bloody as Hell, and I don't know if it's mine. Not that I cared all that much. I couldn't even feel pain. An Angel hits me in the gut with a bat, and I didn't feel any of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Watch them run! Watch them go! I feel like I could punch a hole....in the, uh....Wall."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He cuts the music, and I sweep the place for Angels, killing them all. We meet back up at the roof of the water tower, but as soon as I laid eyes on those two, I had to fight the urge to tear them up. I quickly jump off and away. Furious made me way too aggressive. As soon as I saw more targets, I wanted to hurt them. Tweak yelled to me from the roof.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wow, wow, wow! I never saw a fight so fierce! That was brutal! You are a monster! So glad Furious worked and didn't kill you. Recipe's yours, Deputy! Use it for good! Or bad, if you want I guess....But err on the side of good, maybe?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I throw him the pill baggy. I tell him he needs to work on his recipe, since I just want to rip both his and Sharky's heads off. That won't be good for anybody. He catches the bag, and totally understands. I'm still under the effects, so I lay down, listening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I just....I wanna make up for what's happened. And - and - and I don't think I'm the best person for the job of...Murdering. But you might be. I hope. Unless you get killed. Then maybe not."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, I wish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Furious wears off, and my whole body aches. I regret laying down, because I'm too exhausted to even move. I feel like I'm being crushed into the ground. Sharky lays down next to me, in some goofy form of solidarity.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Pretty good life, being a pill guinea pig," He says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, You can do it next time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then Tweak climbs down, stands over us, "You guys, like...Doing anything right now?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wanna smoke?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky is up like a spring, all in for it. I'm still laying down. I wave them off, and tell them I'm good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"C'mon, Dep," Sharky says, "Don't be square."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sigh, my ghost leaving my body, then sit up. Sharky grabs my arm, helping me stand. Tweak leads us into the main building, and opens up a hatch that was covered by a fake dresser. We head down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The basement is a ten - by - ten, hotter - than - Hell, lighted grow house. Fans whir, and so do sprinklers. It's surprisingly complex, compared to the rest of town, and the setup upstairs. Sharky and I both whistle. I approach a plant, and roll a leaf between my fingers. Sharky looks like a kid in a fucking candy store, smiling big next to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've been growing some preeety good green down her. Don't tell anyone you saw this," He says to me, "Only my top clients know this place."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, Tweak, what you grow is none of my business. As long as nobody gets killed over it, it's no crime.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky puts his arm around me, "Coolest cop ever, right?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug him off. I tell him not to call me that. They both look at me, real awkward, because I made it awkward. I stretch out my shoulders, and say, Are we gonna smoke, or not?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Both of them look away, and Tweak grabs some of his stock he's already had pre - prepared, and brings us back upstairs. From there, he leads us outside, into another building, this one with boarded up windows and doors. He pushes open one of the boards, and the whole bottom floor is being used as a sleeping area. It's surprisingly clean, with a bunch of pillows and blankets in one corner, and a bed in another. There's a short dresser, and a table, and both are covered with bottles, bongs, pill bottles, and all sorts of other drug paraphernalia. There's a shoddily - built T - wall on the far side of the building, holding a small kitchen with a stove, oven, cabinets and a fridge.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He waves us over to the fort of pillows and blankets. We both peel off our equipment, and boots, and sit down. It felt good to hit something soft. Could've fallen asleep right then and there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tweak boards up the front door again, and sweeps off everything off a low coffee table, setting out our party supplies, "So, what's your poison, Depu - uh.....You."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say whatever he's got, I'm good with. He lights a joint, from a line of five he already has rolled. He hits it, then passes it to Sharky. He inhales deep, does a smoke trick, then passes it off to me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't have to worry about you having baby lungs, do I?" Sharky asks me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him who over the age of sixteen is using the term 'baby lungs,' and take a hit. I'm no stranger to weed, but I didn't smoke all that often. I had to stop completely when I became a deputy. I sigh into it, relaxing more into the cushions. If they swallowed me up and decided to never spit me out, I wouldn't have minded too much. I pass it back to Sharky.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You feelin' that, amigo?" He goes, "Feels like..." He takes a hit, blowing smoke, "I feel like I'm floatin' man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod, wordless. The room gets a little more colorful, "What the Hell is in this shit?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tweak waves his hands, "OK, don't freak out, but....Bliss oil. I mix it in some of the misters."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I exhale, "Fuck."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We should be OK, though," Sharky says, "I mean, you took those pills, and you're still alive."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had a point. I just relaxed more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tweak stands, "I - I - I'll be right back," He goes around the T - wall, to the kitchen. It takes two minutes, but he comes back with a twenty - four pack of beer. Me and Sharky cheer at him, and thank him as he hands us two cold ones.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We chill out, talk a little, pass around that blunt for like, an hour. I learn that Faith was just a regular valley girl, at one point. Lived out here with her parents. Her father was a botanist, and worked to engineer medicine from plants, and her mother was a gardener, had big greenhouses set up in front of their house. That's where they started researching the Bliss flowers - Hope County was the only place in the whole world where they were found. Think of them like Nightshade, but more fucked up. It's important to note that Tweak's dad and Faith's were scientists - in - crime, best buds in the botany field. Once Faith became Faith, she and his father took every bit of research her parents had.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask what happened to her parents. And Tweak looks at me, and it's the first time I'd seen something that was even close to sadness on him. His dad happened. We finish the joint, and I light him a new one.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two hours later, Tweak passes out in the corner. I pluck the still - lit joint in his hand, and check that he's still breathing. He is, so, out of kindness, I pull a blanket over him. Sharky asks me if It'd be juvenile to draw a fake mustache on him. I say yes, but, really, if he went ahead and did it, I'd be powerless to stop him. I was wrapped up in weed and beer, all warm and fuzzy, ready to fall asleep. You could pick me up and put me over your shoulders, and I wouldn't fight it. I close my eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, Aiden?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I turn my head to look at Sharky. I'm so high, I can't really form a real sentence at the moment. He looks just as gone as I do, eyes red, half - lidded, like he's ready to sleep. He took off his hat, resting it on his knee. He smooths his hand through his short - cropped hair, making it stand. He looks over my face, and there's this slight glint in his eye.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You and Jess seeing each other, man?" He asks me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I debate it, then I say; No, we aren't. It was true. Didn't change how weird it felt to say it out loud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," He says, "Just wanted to know."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I can ask why, he cups a hand under my chin, and rubs a thumb over my lips. I laugh. Don't ask me why I laughed. He kisses me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I like men, I do. I've always been bisexual. I usually lean to women, but if a guy catches my eye, I'm not afraid to act on it. And Sharky was so my type, good - looking, sweet and funny and never made me feel less - than and never looked at me like some sort of wonder of the world trying to guess my gender or some equally stupid shit like that. I would've liked to keep going. I would've liked for Sharky to keep putting his hands on me. But I kept thinking of Jess, the whole time, and thinking of someone so opposite is really a fucking mood killer, so I just stop reciprocating altogether, and Sharky stops, too, looking at me all confused.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You don't have to lie to me, man," He says, and he sounds really hurt, which kills me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him, I'm not lying. Me and Jess aren't together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looks at me, all knowingly, "But you wanna be, right?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I do. Saying it out loud, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wanted to be with her, and she was the only one I wanted to be with. I didn't think I'd find that other half so early on in my life, the one person I'd throw away fucking everything for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He asks me how she feels about it. I tell him that I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. Like, 90% sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky nods at me, picking up another beer. He puts his hat back on, "Power to ya', man," He says, cracking his drink open. We talk, for a while, then we fall asleep, and wake up mid afternoon the next day. Tweak is awake, working in his lab. He looked better than I felt, that's for sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I saw him a couple more times over the weeks in the Henbane, meeting up for a smoke session or a beer or two. Kinda miss him, as quirky as he was. Never meant anybody harm. Haven't seen him around, as of yet, so I can only imagine he's dead. That sucks.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Tweak himself, studying a lab set, swirling a liquid chemical in a test tube.</p><p>
  <em>Skip on to around four days later, where me and Sharky are busy fucking up everything. There's these marked locations in specific areas of the river, and they all mark the pilgrimage, all the way up the mountain and back to the now - destroyed statue. We break down every one we come across.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Cap closes her journal in the early afternoon. She tucks herself into bed, wrapping her arms around Mickey's sleeping body.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The crew bleary, and wishing they didn't have to leave a comfortable room with a roof and beds, they pack up, and set off. They head out, back East, waving Hell's Edge behind them.</p><p>The night is cloudy, blocking a lot of the moonlight and stars. Cap trudges along their sled of scrap, watching the back of Mickey's head. She walks normal, talks normal, but Cap knew she wasn't the same as before. Something had finally snapped in Mickey, after a whole year of guilt and loneliness and grief had their turns weighing her down. Finding her mom was the last little bit of light Mickey had left.</p><p>And Cap was going to make sure she'd see it.</p><p>While the two women were walking in tense silence, Ethan and Donnie took up the rear. Ethan was busy with Donnie's notebook open in one hand, a pen in the other, the two spitting out ideas. Ethan quickly scribbles everything Donnie says down, while editing in his own rights. Cap was happy to see the two of them getting along so well.</p><p>They stop once the sun starts rising, in a deep, deep part of the forest, as far from the road as they can go. They don't set up a fire, instead just eating in the light of the morning. They split up their shifts, Mickey and Cap will take watch first, then Donnie and Ethan. The two men stop their creative processes, and sleep without trouble. The two women walk over a few yards from their camp, setting up on a few fallen logs</p><p>With Timber at her feet, Cap holds her shotgun and her mask in her lap. Mickey twirls one of her braids between her fingers. They both stare quietly into the forest. It was cloudy, making the shadows of the trees look darker than usual.</p><p>Cap clears her throat, "Mick - "</p><p>"Do you think I need a haircut, Cap?"</p><p>Cap ignores her, "I'm - "</p><p>"I think I need one. Like, look at this," She pulls one braid taught. It reaches just below her chest, "Way too long."</p><p>"Mickey, can we serious for a second - "</p><p>"I'll be serious when I feel like it, Cap," Mickey responds, without looking up. She reaches into her pants, taking out a small pocket knife, "Right now, I'm about to cut all my hair off."</p><p>Cap catches her hand, "Wait, wait wait!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Her cheeks flush, "At least let me do it. You'll make it uneven."</p><p>There's a short pause from Mickey, then she's handed the knife. The two turn sideways, straddling the log.</p><p>"How short do you want it?"</p><p>"Just cut the fucking braids off," Mickey says.</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"I'll yell at you later if I change my mind."</p><p>"OK," Cap follows the root of the braid, stopping right under Mickey's ear, "Up to here OK?"</p><p>"Perfect."</p><p>Cap saws through her hair. As she goes, she thinks of something to say. Anything to say, to break up that awkward silence. Her eyes follow the lines of Mickey's neck, noticing just how still she was sitting. She turns Mickey's head to the side, feeling her warm skin under her fingers. She cuts Mickey's braids off, throwing them into the grass. Timber sniffs at the locks, and Mickey shoes him away with the toe of her sneaker.</p><p>"Cut that out, mutt," She says.</p><p>Cap fingers through the remnants of her braids at her neck, making sure they matched up, "OK, um...Can't really show you how it looks, but, it's even.</p><p>Mickey undoes her braids and plaits. Her now short hair fell in short coils, and she teased it with her fingers, shaking her head. She teases it a little more, "Yeah. This is good."</p><p>"You want me to, like, give you an undercut or - "</p><p>"No, no. This is good. This is totally fine," She reaches back, taking the knife, "Thanks, Cap," She flips the blade in her hand, "You want a cut, too?"</p><p>She ponders it, then shrugs, "Sure."</p><p>They switch places, turning around on the log, and Mickey wraps her legs around Cap's midsection, settling her sneakers on her lap. Cap takes her hat off, bunching it up in her hands. Quietly, Mickey pins up the top part of Cap's hair with a pin from her pocket, "I'm giving you an undercut," She says, sectioning off the bottom half.</p><p>Cap nods, staying still, feeling the edge of the knife scrape over her skin. Mickey's one hand was splayed between her shoulder blades, warm, fingers tapping, almost thoughtfully.</p><p>"Thank you," Mickey says quietly.</p><p>"It's just a haircut," Cap keeps her eyes straight.</p><p>"Not that, meathead," She snaps, "But....For everything. Everything else. I'm out of my element right now," She takes a deep breath, "I'm glad that you're here with me. I really don't know how far I'd make it without you here."</p><p>"I do it because we're friends, Mick," She wants it to be more, though. She wishes it were more.</p><p>"Just friends?"</p><p>"Fwibs," She says, though </p><p>She huffs out a laugh, "Better," She finishes, and brushes away the stray hair on Cap's shoulders, "OK, done."</p><p>Cap shakes out her hair, feeling the shaved spot, "Thanks, Mick. I owe you one?"</p><p>"Nah. Consider it an exchange."</p><p>They sit, and talk, for a bit. Mickey toys her hair with a comb, coils bouncing. She combs it over to the right, a mess of bleached - blonde hovering over her right eye.</p><p>"That looks cool," Cap says.</p><p>Mickey flashes her a smile, "Thanks," She says, and her eyes look warmer.</p><p>They fall into comfortable silence. Both break out books, and read, soaking up daylight. Cap thumbs over the weathered pages of Judge's journal.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>A day later, I call up Jess, see if she wants to scout with us. She's at our location before I can even shut my radio off, she's so ready for action. She says people kill the Peggies too fast at the prison, meaning she doesn't get her fill. I ask her, shouldn't that be good? That there's other people around to pick up the slack?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looks at me, sour, but somewhat soft, "Without the Seeds tearing up the valley....I don't know what I'd be doing right now. I've found my calling," She plays with her bow a bit, pretending to study it and make sure it's calibrated right, but I know she's trying to play what she says off like it's nothing, "And it's killing Peggies."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky goes off to high five her in agreement. She does not high five him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometime later, Sharky points out a cult stronghold. They're boarded up in what he tells me is Nolan's Fly Shop, an fishing place where you could get rods, bait and tackle, all that good stuff for any fisherman's needs. It's surrounded by Bliss crops.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Takes about two seconds of eye contact before the both of us ready a few molotovs. We stick ourselves in the surrounding hills, a triforce of violence, converging on the shop. Me and Sharky light the Bliss flowers up, while Jess snipes out everyone before they can call reinforcements. It's a clean sweep, by all means.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it's said and done, and we meet up again, and take a look inside. It's actually pretty well - stocked. Only things that were missing were batteries. We get to the basement door, and it's locked. I look through the small window to the bottom, and I see movement. At the bottom of the stairs, there's an Angel, standing still at the bottom of the steps.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We huddle up, go over what we should do. Sharky and Jess just want to pop the door open and molotov the place. I shoot back that if we're gonna return this place back to the valley folks, we should at least deliver it in one piece. They both agree. I hand off some of the heavier equipment to them, and draw my knife. We unlock the door to the basement. I stick low to the stairs, my footsteps thankfully silent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Angel at the bottom doesn't even know I'm there when I drive the knife into his neck. He dies quiet, and I lean his body down quiet, too. The basement lights flicker, only giving me enough light to see parts of the place in pieces. It's a homemade laboratory down there. If there was any old fishing equipment, it was cleared out for tarps, whiteboards, chemistry sets, and boxes and boxes of test Bliss. There's seven Angels, minus the one I just took out. They're all standing around, moaning and groaning, lost without direction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't wait. I just take them all out as quick as I'm able to, as painless as I can. I stopped thinking of them as people, for a while. They were animals, really, their cognitive functions were so shot. Mercy killings were more than blessings on their lives. You know that drive all too well, Cap. You hunt a deer, and the arrow veers just too much to the right, hitting the lungs instead of the heart.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I head back upstairs, all drenched in blood, and tell my crew it's all clear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Doesn't take long for word to get out, and in less than an hour, people were showing up. We help clean up, burn what's left of the bodies, and the Bliss flowers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I watch the smoke touch the sky, I get a sharp headache. I grab my waterskin, and tell my friends I have to take a leak. I trek up a hill, disappearing behind some trees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And there she is. Faith Seed, as pretty as anything, in her short lace dress and long strawberry hair. She's sitting in the grass, making a daisy chain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was so much Bliss in the river, it seeped onto the mainland. Everyone complained about seeing Faith, seeing Peggies that weren't really there, animals appeared as different animals. One big, mass hallucination. I've seen these Faith - ghosts around a few times, usually doing some stupid shit or singing or skipping around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stands from the ground, looking at me with soft, doe eyes, "I see you searching, but you look lost. When I was younger, I spent years searching. I was a rat in a cage - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I put a bullet between her eyes. She disappears, poof, in a cloud of green smoke. No body is left behind. I lower my gun. I keep getting so close to the Seeds, but I never get a chance the chance to actually kill them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess and Sharky come running up the hill, bursting out from the trees. They ask me what that shot was. I say it was nothing. They prod more, but I give them nothing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get on our way. Right down the road, there's Mccalloughs garage. We check the store, and it's mostly clear, but the garage is locked. There's a big open viewing window, and inside the garage is a cherry red sports car. The Peggies haven't been able to open it yet, so it wouldn't hurt for us to give it a try.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After some climbing in the adjacent store room, we pop the garage door open. It looked like a vintage model to me, but shined like it was fresh off the line. Sharky snatches the key off the peg before I can. I shrug. He wants it, he can have it, I don't care. We climb into the leather seats, all bloody and dirty. It smells like air fresheners - pinewood so sharp it made my nose burn. Sharky plugs in the keys in, and it purrs to life. Jess is uninterested, lounging in the backseat with her feet up on the door.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Y'know, with all our hard work these few days," Sharky says, "How about a vacation?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess raises an eyebrow, "A vacation?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah. Like, somewhere that isn't the Henbane. Like the Spread Eagle, or, like, somewhere else where the Peggies have picked their asses up and left. Just us, beer, maybe some recreationals, and sleep for, like, a week."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sharky, we're in the middle of a warzone. We don't get vacations."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK, so, let's not call it a vacation. Let's call it...A bender."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They go back and forth for a little bit, Jess adamant about unleashing some vigilante justice, and Sharky insisting that we deserved some time off. After realizing they were both unmovable stone walls, they turn to me, asking me what to do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I compromised, "We get one night."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We take that cherry red beauty into Holland Valley. I liked seeing so many people around, with every other flag except the Peggie one flying. I stick my head out, enjoying the wind. We stop in town, and climb out, and everybody I see shakes my hand. The people look good. A little tired, but good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We head inside the Spread Eagle, and, to my surprise, Pratt and Hudson are chatting it up with Mary May up at the bar. Grace is there, Hudson all draped up on her arm, looking happier than ever. Pratt looked healthier, too. He wasn't as skinny as the last time I saw him. They were just as surprised to see me as I was to see them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We grab a table, and a couple beer pitchers. They're getting pushback from the bridges that connect the Henbane to the valley and to the mountains. Peggies have turned to the water, making boats and setups on the shore a lot more frequent. But, things have been a lot more quieter in the liberated areas. We cheer to Faith's demise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess sticks to the corner seat, keeps her head down, most of the time. We share a couple glances, but neither of us hold gazes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's talk, mostly about our current situation. Pratt and Hudson ask me if I've seen Whitehorse anywhere yet. I say no, I haven't. Despite the very clear looks Jess and Sharky throw my way, my two deputy friends believe me. Better they did. I didn't want the either of them anywhere near the Henbane.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some hours later, we all head out and take our drunken refuges to the rebuilt houses in town. It's stack with cots, most empty, since people weren't afraid to spend their nights out in the wilds anymore. Mary May stays behind to close the bar. Grace and Hudson take one cot, piling on top of one another and falling asleep fast. I've got Pratt over my shoulder, way too drunk for his own good. I stick him in the first empty cot I see. Sharky fucking collapses into a bed, clothes and boots still on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In my drunken haze, I pick his pockets, and take the keys to the car. Jess looks at me like I just stuck a knife in his back. I dangle them, and ask her if she wants to take a ride.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She snatches the keys from me, and tells me I'm too drunk to drive. But she's only had three beers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We climb into that cherry red car, and take off. She drives us up to a nice cliff, hidden from the road by trees. It opened up to the river, only a rickety old wooden fence keeping you from making friends with the water below. We climb out, and sit on the hood. The sun had set well before we left the bar, and we both sit in silence, nothing but the low hum of the radio, looking at the stars and the moon together. There's no space between us, our shoulders flush.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You mind if I ask something, Aiden?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I say, Shoot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why did you tell your friends that you didn't see Whitehorse?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I give her a shrug, "They've been through enough," I tell her, "And I told Whitehorse that they've been tied up with work out here and in the Whitetails. No way they could be spared for the river."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess plays with the edge of her muddy coat, "But...What's the point? You could've just told them they needed to stick where they were."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I told her that, I wish I could explain why, but I just felt in my gut that they needed to stay in the liberated areas. I couldn't place my feelings any better than just calling it a gut instinct.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nods at me. I don't want to talk about it anymore, so I switch the subject. I tell her, it's a nice night, isn't it? And Jess is like, yeah, it's pretty nice. I ask her what she's gonna when this is all over.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then she gets really quiet. She pulls her legs up. She tells me she doesn't know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've found the one thing I'm actually good at," She says, "When the Peggies are said and done, I....I don't know."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was about seven different things I want to tell her. I want to tell her that she's talented, more talented than anybody I know. That she was tough, and knew the land, and was a better hunter than anybody around, and there's a trillion things she could do that had nothing to do with Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I say none of it, because, I asked the fucking question, but I didn't know what I was gonna fucking do after the Peggies were gone either. I couldn't go back to being a fucking cop, that was for sure. If I lived, anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at her, and she looks at me, and I tell her; Jess, I'm not sure what the fuck I'm gonna do, either. But, I guess we could figure it out.....With each other. If we wanted to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She says, "Huh?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I literally cannot look at her, I'm so embarrassed. I look away, at the river. I tell her that, if neither of us know how the Hell to keep our lives going when Joseph Seed is six feet under, it'd be better if we did it together, right? Like, figuring it all out with each other?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I know it, she grabbed my jacket, and kissed me. We makeout on the hood of the car, but quickly move into the backseat after I point out that if we return this thing to Sharky with a couple dents in it, he'll ask too many questions. God, I can still feel her skin in my hands, how warm she felt on me. I made her sing. I made her feel loved. I felt loved.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're laying in the backseat, tangled up with one another. She's laying on top of me, almost, her head on my chest. I stroke through her hair, and I really, really start thinking of a future between us when it's all said and done. If we're both crazy enough to stay in the valley, we could be effective hunters, working in the Whitetails, or, I could </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's fucked up. I'm fucked up. But I thought that our fucked - up - nesses could balance one another's out. I thought it could work. I really did think it would all end up OK. We fell asleep in the car, tangled up in the backseat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Skip on to the next morning. Morning light looked so good on her skin, lighting up her eyelashes all bright. She wakes up to me staring at her. She doesn't smile, like I am at her, but she looks happy all the same. I kiss her, long and slow, and listen to her hum, content, at peace. That was the most important thing to me, I think, all back then. I mean, after killing Joseph Seed. The second most important thing to me was giving Jess peace. She lost fucking everything, and she carried those burdens with her everywhere. It wouldn't hurt anybody if I lightened the load a little for her, would it?</em>
</p><p>The next page is one that almost brings Cap to tears. It's of Jess Black, naked, but covered in stray coats, stretched out and asleep in the back of a car. Unlike the other illustrations of her, there's no harshness to her face. The lines are smoothed out, her head lolled to the side, eyes closed and asleep. Light shines through the windows, basking her. Cap runs her fingers over the lines of the drawing, feeling the light pen strokes, soaking in the care and the love the Judge put into their art.</p><p>
  <em>We dress back up, and drive back to town. Sharky doesn't wake up until two, so we spend the day there, helping out. Hudson looked good. She acted with a lot more purpose. She barked orders at people, and Grace backed her up. They made a nice fucking team.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Grace and Hudson. It's much different from the other illustrations in the journal. Instead of realistic, it's stylized, like it was ripped from a comic book. Grace and Hudson are standing on the edge of a cliff, standing straight, guns at the ready. A big mushroom cloud rose behind them, the two women facing forward, staring coldly and toughly.</p><p>
  <em>By sunset, we pack up, and take Pratt back to the mountains. I drive, and Sharky sticks to the backseat, with Pratt. He talks the guy's head off, and Pratt's in good spirits, but he responds in broken bits and pieces, sometimes spacey, sometimes manic. Looking in the rearview mirror, I see that he's fidgety.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to the Whitetails' bunker, and I'm met by Tammy. She looked good, and healthy. Still looked at me, all sour and stuff, but I knew there was no harm behind it. Wheaty's taking good care of Boomer, bless him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We spend an hour or two patrolling, helping out, then we stop back at the bunker for the night. We talk a little, about the current situation, then we all get to bed. I can't sleep, but Jess and Sharky are out like a couple'a candles. It's just me, and it's just Pratt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Turns out, he doesn't sleep that well, either. He paces, softened by carpet on concrete. He walks like a caged predator, eyes on the ground, gun strapped to his back, but he fingers the strap over his chest, ready for action. I hated seeing him like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a while, I get tired of watching him, and fall asleep. Maybe ten, twenty minutes later, I wake up. He's not there anymore. I wonder where he could've gone to, so I get up, and look around. Tammy and Wheaty  are out cold, Eli's room still untouched. I find Pratt semi - quickly, quicker than I thought. He was staring into Tammy's torture room, peering through the little window. I leave the table, and look in over his shoulder. There's a body in there, tied up, with a sack over his head, dressed like a Chosen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We walked right into this," He says, "Right where He wanted us to be."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I put my hand on his shoulder, and he looks at me, crazed. I didn't mean to scare him, so I pull my hand back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I knew, Rook," He said, "I knew."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I go, "What did you know, Staci?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I knew. Joey knew. Whitehorse knew."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Knew what?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You didn't know. You didn't know," He repeats it, over and over again, getting more and more agitated, until he's yelling at me, "You didn't know! That's why! You had no idea!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sure don't want him waking anybody up, so I grab him, and pull open the door to the torture room, and throw him in, closing the door behind us. He grabs the front of my clothes, and pins me up against the door. He's a few inches taller, but way thinner. I'm not scared of him, by any means, but I don't want to get my shit rocked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he doesn't try to fight me. He just keeps me pressed against the door, breathing real hard, "This was supposed to be for us, Rook, us, not you. Why are you here? Why? Did you know? You couldn't have fucking known - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm not proud of what I did next, Cap. I'm not a lick of proud. Patience was a stranger to me now, and so was kindness. I push him. I rush him back, pushing him up against the desk. He knocks Tammy's battery off, and we both hear it smash against the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Staci," I go, "Make sense, Staci, start making sense. What do you know? You, Whitehorse, Joey, what is it? What aren't you telling me?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's scrambling, but doesn't try to fight, just trying to keep his balance. He looks at me, and I'll never forget the fearful look he gives me, "You put the cuffs on the Father, didn't you? Maybe that's why - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shake him again, harder, and end up bending him over the desk, his legs between mine, trying to find ground, but finding nothing, "Goddamn it, Staci, what's going on?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We," He heaves, because I pressed him down so quick and hard, it knocked the wind out of him, "We knew about it all, Rook. We let it go on. The murder, the kidnapping, all of it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm so fucking angry, I just push him. He holds onto the desk, but I back up, my whole body all hot and tight, like I was gonna explode. I call him a basketcase, because we'd never let that happen. I tell him, You're sick, Staci, you're sick. And I know that the room is soundproof, so I don't hesitate to fucking scream at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then Staci drops to his knees, hands out to me, "We deserve all of this, Rook, all of it! I get it now, I get it now! You're our punishment, that's why you're here - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and I pulled him to his feet, lifting him off the ground, my adrenaline pumping so hard. There was no way what he was saying was true. We were good people. We wouldn't let that happen. Sheriff wouldn't let that go on, and he wouldn't let any of us let it go on. Hudson was a fucking paragon of justice, she'd never let it happen, either!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He goes limp in my arms, pupils blown black. He doesn't say anything else, then his eyes glaze over, holding his hands over mine. His silence is almost as fucking bad as a clear answer. I let him go, and he crumples into a heap at my boots, muttering to himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rush out of that room, and I kick Jess and Sharky's cots, waking them up. We have to leave. I've got some questions for Whitehorse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I drive like a bat out of Hell back to the Henbane. Jess and Sharky try to ask me questions, but all I can think about is our sheriff and the secrets he's keeping from me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I'm driving, out of fucking nowhere, a white shape darts into the road. I jerk the wheel to avoid it, and the car spins, and spins, and tilts onto one side. It edges over the dirt bank packed near the road, and it rolls, and rolls, and rolls. The windshield shatters, glass falling into me. Jess was in the passenger seat, and she gets thrown into my lap. My head hits the driver's side window. I black out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The Judge balances the knife on their finger. It was perfectly balanced - they measured it themself - but thanks to their shaky hand, it wobbles like it was made by a child. They hold the hilt loosely, dragging a finger along the sharp edge, watching their flesh yield, but not draw blood. They had their leathers and equipment folded neatly on a rock across from them, if they needed them.</p><p>Joseph's sanctuary is in disrepair, as Judge expected it to be. Nobody has been up there in more than a year, not even the people of New Eden. They're sitting at the charred base of the tree that they once revered so much, that saved their life, and made them stronger than they could ever hope to be. How they cried over this tree when Joseph burned it down. How they wailed, and smelled Ethan's burning flesh mix with the roasting of the apples. Then they watched the Father throw himself off the edge of the waterfall. But they weren't focused on him. They were focused on Cap, who, in her good nature, tried to save him. If only she knew just how much he deserved it.</p><p>They think about Cap. She's been gone for so long, and they miss her so much. They wonder how she's treating their book. Knowing Cap, she probably treats it like someone would a three - hundred - year -old copy of the bible. But Judge doesn't want their book, or themself, to be revered. They just want to be known.</p><p>In New Eden, people knew them well. The followers looked upon them like a light from God, a blessing from the Father himself. The ultimate sinner, purged to become the most blessed. Above all else, they hated that. To be looked at so lovingly by people who would've at one time tied them to a stake and watch them burn. It made the Judge feel ill, looking back on it now.</p><p>Cool water rushes over Judge's bare feet, wind rustling their long hair. The sun beamed bright and friendly down onto their skin. It was a beautiful day. The Judge couldn't feel it.</p><p>They put their clothes and equipment back on. They trudge back down to Joseph's shack. Because it was left alone for so long, some of the wood started to rot in the floor, cobwebs collecting in the corners and weeds and vines growing between the spaces of the wood slats. The Judge swipes a hand over the surface of an abandoned shelf, rubbing dust between their fingers. It smelled greatly of river water. With the roar of the waterfall, Judge wondered how the Father ever managed to sleep at night.</p><p>They're about to leave, having the night in the sanctuary, in the throws of a meltdown of apocalyptic proportions that they're surprised didn't fling them right off of the waterfall edge like the Father, when a flutter catches their attention. They look over to the the sound. Tucked safely into the walls of the wooden cabin, in slit deliberately carved in, was a slip of folded paper. They take the paper out of its hidey hole, turning it. The paper is slightly damp. In smudged charcoal, on the back of the letter, it reads: To my son.</p><p>With strong curiosity, Judge unfolds it. The letter is folded into threes, and pieces of charcoal crumble out from the creases, letters smudged and blotted with dampness.</p><p>
  <em>Ethan,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you're reading this, then the worse may have come to pass. You've come looking for me, in your greatest time of need. But, I regret to say, I am long gone. I am either dead, or I've left, guided by God to lands beyond the valley.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tried my hardest to do what God asked of me. I gave Him everything He ever asked for. I gave Him my brothers, my sister, my devotion. I rebuilt Eden for Him, and lived a plain lifestyle in honor of Him, rejecting the ways of old. I offered everything up to Him on a silver platter, and He took, and took, and took, but it was never enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some nights after your birthday, the Voice spoke to me. He demanded that I show Him another test of faith, another show of loyalty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wanted you, Ethan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I begged Him to reconsider. I gave Him all the blood I had. I gave Him endless love and devotion, and spent my entire life spreading His word. Was my undying loyalty, and every sacrifice that followed, not enough?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the end, it was not. Things got harder. The long drought afterward, the inexplicable plague on our livestock. It was Him, displeased with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's why I was forced the flee, sheltering myself as far from you as possible. I did it to protect you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And where I am gone, it leaves you questions. Answers and questions and secrets upon secrets that you will never hear from me, because they force upon me great shame. </em>
  <em>But, there is more for you to know. I clutched one last secret, so tightly that it could've broken, because I love you, and I knew it would hurt you more than anything.</em>
</p><p>Judge holds their breath. Since they did not speak, and they barely acknowledged someone who wasn't the Father, the people of New Eden never kept their gossip out of earshot. Whispers of Ethan's parentage followed him wherever he went. The Judge always theorized that that was a large part of why Ethan tried so hard to be a proper leader to New Eden. To show that, though he didn't look a Seed, he was one, and was going to exceed the work of everyone before him. Even the Father himself.</p><p>Their eyes follow the semi - neat words of the Father. Their eyebrows raise. </p><p>A great, loud birdcall breaks the Judge away from the letter, making them jump a foot in the air. They let out a loud, unhappy groan, and tuck the letter away into their coat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Cap nearly drops the book in her lap when a hand lands on her shoulder. She twists, to see Donnie jumping back, his hands up.</p><p>"Easy, Cap! Just came to get you from your shift."</p><p>She sighs heavily, looking around, realizing she's alone, "Where's Mickey?"</p><p>"Back at camp. She said you were too engrossed in your journaling. She didn't wanna bother you."</p><p>She pinches the bridge of her nose, "OK, yeah. Sorry. Intense couple days, y'know?"</p><p>He nods, "Sure."</p><p>She stands, collecting herself. She looks past him, "Where's Ethan?"</p><p>"Sleeping."</p><p>"Too scared to wake him up?"</p><p>"No," He says, "He just looks fuckin' exhausted. Thought he could use another hour."</p><p>"That sure is nice of you, Donnie, but he'll have a fucking fit if you let him sleep in, you know that, right?" Ethan hated being babied. He constantly complained about Selene's strict schedules during his healing process.</p><p>He shrugs, "And I'll deal with it when he wakes up."</p><p>She crosses her arms, "Can I ask you something, Donnie?"</p><p>"Sure. Shoot."</p><p>"You like him?"</p><p>Donnie is quiet for a few seconds, then puts his hands on his hips, "Why? Has he talked to you, like, at all?"</p><p>Cap steps closer, until the two were a foot apart, "Nope. But it's pretty obvious he's really fond of you. He's never shown any sort of fondness for anyone."</p><p>"He's fond for <em>you</em>."</p><p>"And <em>I</em> saved his life, so what does that say about you?"</p><p>Donnie goes quiet. He clicks his tongue, "Y'know, I played with the idea, but...." He exhales, "Whoah. OK."</p><p>Cap grins, "I just thought I'd give you some awareness, and my blessings, in case it ever goes anywhere. Since, y'know, if anything happened to him, I'd tear you apart like a Twizzler."</p><p>He huffs a laugh, then rubs a hand over his face, "Good to know."</p><p>She starts to move past him, but stops. She pats a hand on his shoulder, "You're a good guy, Donnie. I think Ethan sees that, too," She slides her hand off, walking back to camp. She stops at Ethan's bedroll, and pushes at his thigh with the toe of her shoe.</p><p>He starts up, "What?"</p><p>"It's your shift, Eth. Donnie's already over there. Get going before you sleep through the whole day."</p><p>Unhappily, he gathers himself, and goes off between the trees.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh god im gonna go crazy if i dont write ethan and donnie kissing right now. but i cant just yet. help</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNINGS FOR: Violence, blood, gore</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>"Val? Val? Valerie, wake up!"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Flicking her eyes open, Cap collapses, and falls face - first into mud. She coughs up sour, earthy sludge as a hand tugs at the back of her shirt. She stands upright, looking down at the ground. The mud was dark and sludge - like, smatterings of grass and moss between, giving the only bit of color in a otherwise drab and foreboding ground. She looks to the person pulling her. Only one person ever called her by her first name.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush pats her on the back, "You good, Val?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"I'm fine," Cap coughs up. She looks around. They're in the remains of the train crash - a common theme when she had nightmares of Rush - but the fires were out. There was no sky, only white emptiness. Smoke appeared, but was frozen in time, statues of their former selves. Parts of the train were suspended in air, shrapnel caught by time. Just past the train, swallowing up parts of the cars, was a forest, thick and dark.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush pats her again, "C'mon, Captain, let's get a move on. They're hot on our tail."</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Who?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sirens blare. Loud, piercing, drilling into Cap's molars. She grabs the sides of her head, gritting her teeth.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush grabs her arm, pulling, "C'mon!"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She follows at a sprint, gunky ground swallowing up her shoes, tailing Rush into the woods. Close behind, there's the growls and barks of dogs. Cap quickly glances over her shoulder, but sees nothing of the sort. The forest they sprinted through allowed no light in, becoming darker and darker as they ran farther and farther from the train. Rush makes a hard left. Cap attempts to follow, only succeeding in sliding in the mud, and landing hard on her side. Rush grabs her, and pulls her behind the safety of a large trunk.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"You've got your knife, Val?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>With some fumbling around her belt, Cap pulls out her trusty knife.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Good, give it to me."</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She hands it over.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Rush flips it in his hands, "Seen a lotta action, this one has," He says. He raises it, turning it in his palm to grasp the hilt, and drives it into his own neck. Blood spurts out in thick, dark streams. Rush makes no noise, his eyes rolling back, revealing whites.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Jesus - " Cap scrambles back, watching Rush fall over, and go limp. As she pokes out from the cover of the tree, a bright pink spotlight shines on her. She raises a hand to block the light.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"Got you," A voice says, close, but as Cap's head swivels to find them, there's nobody. She quickly yanks the knife from Rush's neck, standing, the knife at the ready.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>In the distance, pink and blue spotlights dance and move, sifting through the trees as orbs of light. They fling themselves at her, Cap ducking each one. She hits one with her knife, poof, it explodes into smoke. It fills her lungs, causing her to choke, and step back.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The ground behind disappears. Cap falls back, shock making her grip loosen from around her knife. The ground swallows her up, in darkness. She reaches upwards, fingers angling for the knife that falls with her, unable to properly hook a finger through the grip.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She glances up, seeing two lights, one blue, one pink, sit at the top of the hole she fell through. The pink one disappears, while the blue one dives for her. It matches her speed, darting for her like a wasp. Cap grabs at her knife, and opens her arms wide, inviting the ball of light in for its death. It hits her chest, knocking the wind out of her. She settles a hand on the side. It burns hot, like a cast iron furnace. She brings her knife up, stabbing into the ball.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Thunder shakes the trees and the ground, launching Cap upright. She holds her head, hand subconsciously touching her neck where she had seen Rush drive the blade. She looks around to see Mickey already up and awake, gathering her things.</p><p>"Oh, great," She says, looking over, "You're awake. C'mon, let's go, there's a storm on it's way."</p><p>Cap starts packing. Her mind echoes and rolls with her nightmare, and the Judge's journal. Had Judge's friends really known the horrible things that they cult was doing? It seemed impossible to Cap. Allowing anything of the sort to go on knowing how horrible it was, was simply inconceivable to her.</p><p>As soon as her things are all accounted for, and the camp is taken down, besides the boys' stuff, she walks to the watch spot. Her mask dangled from her hip. She glances at the sky. It was nightfall, but the storm above raged green and angry, lightning lighting it up, and casting the ground in a sickly - looking glow. Her already semi - dark mood just grew darker. Cap hopes that their masks will give them enough time to find proper shelter. She pops through the bushes.</p><p>Donnie and Ethan are already in the midst of collecting their things. They both pick their heads up, wishing Cap a good morning.</p><p>"Or....Night," Donnie adds. He takes out his mask, letting it dangle around his neck, "You got yours, Eth?"</p><p>"Yeah," Ethan says, taking his mask out, "When do I put it on?"</p><p>"Uh," Donnie looks up, "Couple minutes. Soon as the wind picks up."</p><p>They get back to camp, finishing their cleanup. Cap fixes the special mask she crafted for Timber on, who sits still, but wags his tail happily.</p><p>"There ya go, buddy," She scratches his back, "Good boy."</p><p>They're on their way, ducking and weaving through huge roots that rise up from the ground. The wind picks up, the scent of ozone strong.</p><p>"There we go," Mickey says, "Storm's picking up."</p><p>"Yeah," Cap agrees, "You think we can make it through?"</p><p>"It's not that strong," She says, "But that could change in five, ten minutes. It'd be safer to find a safehouse as soon as possible."</p><p>Donnie slides up between them, "Can I see your map, Mick?" She passes it to him, and he studies it with her pocket light, "OK, yeah, so, we're here," He points to a line of forest, "And if I'm reading this thing right, then the closest bunker would be," He drags a finger along the paper, "Here."</p><p>"Which one is that? The Skids?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Why's it called The Skids?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"It's built into this hill, but before you can get there, you gotta traverse through this little maze we've built. I know the way, but anybody who doesn't, get lost, and then caught," She smirks, "Couldn't ask for a better bunker, shit's got a door thermite couldn't bust through."</p><p>"Any chance of Highwaymen?" Cap asks.</p><p>"I couldn't tell you," He says honestly, "Depends on how lucky we are. Hopefully, we get there, and it's unoccupied. But if it's not..."</p><p>"We fight our way through," She says earnestly. </p><p>The storm stays static for twenty minutes travel, until the wind gets stronger.</p><p>"That's not fuckin' good," Mickey says under her breath, "Bunker's close by. We can make it if we run."</p><p>The group, in quick agreement, start hauling ass. Mickey has the map tucked away, but keeps Bean's compass clenched tight in her hand, using it to guide them. Suddenly, Mickey grinds to a dead halt, causing Cap, then Donnie, then Ethan, then Timber, to bump into her.</p><p>"Sorry," Cap says, "What's the problem?"</p><p>"Highwaymen," Mickey hisses, then pulls Cap down by her windbreaker. Cap does the same to the boys, and Donnie does the same to Timber, tugging at his collar until he lied down behind the cover of thickets. The forest's thickness lost itself, revealing a short cliff. Beyond was a grassy bank, that stretched on, mazed with deep banks and trenches. Highwaymen, in scarlet red armor, some graffitied, some not. They were quickly loading things up into the wide, open door of a bunker. It reminded Cap of a bank vault, with a large round door, like she'd seen in comic books. Some Highwaymen patrolling upper ramparts that were built with wood and scrap.</p><p>"Ah, shit," Donnie says, "We're never gonna make it in in time. Not with all those guards."</p><p>Though she hated the idea that immediately sprang into her mind, she nudges Donnie, "How well can you shoot?"</p><p>"Pretty fuckin' good, not to brag."</p><p>"I watched him hit a rat from two hundred feet once," Mickey cuts in.</p><p>"Great," Cap says. She shakes the rifle on Mickey's back, "I've got a plan. Hand it over," Mickey unclips her sniper rifle, then hands it to Cap. She sits up, looking to the rest of them, "Alright, here's what's up. We've got like a hundred Highwaymen out there, so the only way we're gonna get through is if we just light them up. Me and Donnie are gonna stay behind," She hands over an assault rifle to Donnie, "While you, Mick, and Ethan, travel through the maze and secure the front door," She passes her shotgun to Mickey.</p><p>"That sounds like suicide," Ethan says bleakly.</p><p>"It's that, or we stay out here and get microwaved. Me and Donnie are gonna cover you two while you both go through. Mickey's gonna lead you through the maze, and we'll be right behind, alright?"</p><p>"Wait," Mickey says, "Why's Eden coming with me? Why not Donnie?"</p><p>Donnie cuts in, "I don't know the layout here. I know there's a maze, but how to get through it is a mystery to me."</p><p>"And Ethan's no marksman," Cap shrugs sheepishly, glancing at him, "I need Donnie up here to help me keep them distracted, and his steady hand will be a better thing up here than down there. And I can't just send you out there alone, someone's gotta go with you."</p><p>"I can take Timber."</p><p>"And if you get in a gunfight, he's not gonna be much help while you're stuck in a barrel."</p><p>Mickey thinks, then nods, "Alright, sure. Whatever you say, Cap."</p><p>Ethan sighs through his nose, then reaches onto the holster at his belt, pulling out his pistol, "Yeah, love this," He mimics Cap's voice, "<em>Here's our options: Death, or death. You either die horribly of radiation poisoning, or you get blasted to pieces by Highwaymen. Your choice.</em> Fantastic."</p><p>Cap frowns. It wasn't the perfect situation, but it certainly wasn't the worst of the worst, and though she understood how Ethan felt, it annoyed her.</p><p>He shakes his head, "I haven't killed anyone before."</p><p>"Weirdly enough," Donnie says, "It's easier than it looks."</p><p>"Oh, I <em>love</em> this. I love this <em>so</em> much," He sits up on his knees.</p><p>Mickey rolls over, then stands, cocking her shotgun, "Just let me take point, Eden. I'll teach you all the basics to murdering raiders and bandits."</p><p>"Yeah, I'll be a lot of use cowering behind you - "</p><p>"Hey," Cap snaps, "This is our best option. I know you don't like it, but I know what the fuck I'm doing, and I've been doing shit like this long before I ever came to the valley. I'm the Captain of Security, for fuck's sake. If I didn't think it was a viable fuckin' option, you'd be up here, missing all your shots on the Highwaymen with me. So put a sock in it, and get down there before the storm gets any fucking worse."</p><p>Everyone grows silent. Cap frowns, and straightens. She's always been careful around Ethan, and made sure that harsh words stayed in her head. Immediately, she feels guilt roil in her chest. Ethan was scared, and had basically no fighting ability. Either he stayed with Cap, or he went with Mickey, either way, it was a wash. Ethan's frown turns to a tight line. He looks away, visibly hurt.</p><p>Mickey, the bravest of them, walks forward, and bumps his shoulder, "Let's go, man. C'mon."</p><p>Ethan follows quiet, without a second look back. Cap thunks her head back on a tree trunk. She glances at Donnie, who coughs, and turns his head, readying his rifle. They two ready up, and sweat as they watch Mickey and Ethan approach with careful, if quick, actions. Mickey maneuvers through the maze with no issue, Ethan over her shoulder.</p><p>"You get a lotta practice with situations like this, Cap? Finding possibility in the impossible?" He asks with a grin.</p><p>"Wouldn't be here if I didn't," She copies his grin weakly, "You scared, man?"</p><p>"A little."</p><p>"Don't be. We've got the element of surprise, and we're a capable couple of people. We've got this."</p><p>He nods, and looks back down the sight of the gun.</p><p>She looks back at the maze, and watches eagerly, memorizing the path Mickey laid out. The guards had moved away from the middle of the maze, to the end, closer to the bunker. She counts ten Highwaymen, most of them occupied with moving supplies into the bunker. There was a caravan parked by the entrance of the maze. It looked like a supplies drop.</p><p>"Don?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Pick a target, they're getting closer."</p><p>Donnie studies the line of enemies, "OK, I've got a guy on the scaffolds, to the left."</p><p>Deciding to follow Donnie's line of thought, Cap picks the other guard on the ramparts, too, "Alright, I've got the one of the right."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>She holds her breath as a guard moves into a row, watching supplies getting moved in, his back to the sneaking Mickey and Ethan. Mickey motions for Ethan to stay put, then crouches closer forward. She shoulders her shotgun, then reaches for the man's belt.</p><p>"When should we start shooting?" Ethan asks.</p><p>Mickey plucks something from the guard's belt, and with a flick of her hands, Cap saw that it was a grenade. She pulls the pin.</p><p>"Right now," She aims down sights, lining up with her guard, and pulls the trigger. <em>Boom</em>, the rifle hits her shoulder hard, but she stays steady. The guard's helmet bursts, with blood and grey matter, and falls back, hitting the bunker wall. Shortly after her shot, Donnie lets two ring out, and his target falls, too, but forward, falling from the ramparts and hitting the ground in a bloody, writhing pile.</p><p>Cap doesn't wait. She lets two more shots ring out, lining up the heads of Highwaymen. <em>Boom, boom.</em> That made four. Mickey throws the grenade at the front door. While the grenade flew in the air,  Mickey readies her gun, then hits the guard in the side, in the process of turning around. Blood explodes from his abdomen, and while he crumples, Mickey yanks something from his belt, and shoots back to Ethan, who grabs her sleeve and pulls her into cover.</p><p>A second later, <em>fw - boom</em>, the grenade explodes. It sends wooden supply crates cracking, shrapnel and fire hitting a group of three. They die quickly. That left two more. The sky above thunders, the wind picking up faster.</p><p>Cap pushes Donnie, "Let's go, let's go!"</p><p>The two, and Timber, hurry down the hill, sliding in the grass and dirt. Cap left behind her sled of scrap, as she was sure it would still be there when the storm passed, and needed her load to be lighter. Donnie sprints just behind her, following at a close pace as the she navigates the maze, trying to picture Mickey's path. Navigating through twists, turns, and t - walls, the two finally find Ethan and Mickey. They crouch down beside them.</p><p>"There's still two at the door," Mickey says, "They have supplies and cover and there's too much open space - "</p><p>Bullets whiz past their faces as the two still in the bunker throw everything they have at them. And, just Cap's luck, behind, at the entrance, they hear yelling. Commotion moving through the maze.</p><p>"Company," Cap points out, "Shit," She takes a few seconds, looking around. Everyone has the same, grim expression on their faces, the sky rages, green and angry, and the flames that are close to the door smoke and engulf the supplies that hadn't made it into the bunker. A lightbulb goes off, "OK, OK, OK. Donnie, watch our back. Mickey, you and Ethan make a break for the door."</p><p>"We'll get shredded," Ethan snaps.</p><p>"No, you won't. You have any more of those grenades, Mickey?"</p><p>Mickey holds up the item she grabbed off of the Highwaymen she killed: A belt of grenades.</p><p>"Great. That'll do," Cap takes them, then grabs one off the belt, "Here's the plan. I'm gonna toss a grenade out there. As soon as it goes off, the two of you run for it, and make it in. While you all do that," She hands the belt to Donnie, "Don, me and you are gonna stay out here and hold off the Highwaymen until they give us the all clear. We good?"</p><p>"We're fuckin' good," Mickey says, "You're crazy."</p><p>"Yeah, well, I'm still alive, so that means something, doesn't it?"</p><p>"Just give us the word."</p><p>"When there's a break in the fire, toss it."</p><p>She looks at Ethan, "You ready, Eden?"</p><p>"I'm ready," He says, bleakly. He looks between Donnie and Cap, "Be careful," He says.</p><p>"We will," Donnie says.</p><p>They wait four seconds, then, the gunfire from the bunker stops. Mickey pulls the pin, then pulls her arm back, and launches the grenade. It lands in front of the cracked opening, and erupts into fire and shrapnel.</p><p>Ethan and Mickey spring out from their cover, running, Mickey in front with Cap's shotgun, Timber taking up the rear. They run past the flames and charred ground, and disappear inside.</p><p>The yelling from behind was closer, and Donnie pulls a pin to one of the grenades, holding the trigger down. He looks at Cap, "Say the word?"</p><p>She quickly pulls off her glove, activating her Gift, "Let 'em fly, Donnie."</p><p>Donnie pulls his arm back, and lets the grenade fly. It lands a few lines away, disappearing. There's an explosion, screaming, and gunfire, all mixed in with wind and thunder.</p><p>Cap shoulder's Mickey's sniper rifle, pulling out her pistol, "You keep them going, Donnie. I'll take care of any stragglers - "</p><p>As she raises her pistol, a Highwaymen darts out from around a corner. He's muddy and charred, but unfortunately, alive, having escaped the initial grenade blast. He raises his assault rifle.</p><p>Cap isn't quick enough. She gets a shot off, but only after the Highwaymen hits Donnie. Donnie yells, and drops the grenade belt. Cap unloads in the Highwaymen, until he stops moving, and then grabs Donnie, panicked. She moves him into her cover, which was a nook between four barrels. He yells out, making pained noises, clutching himself.</p><p>"You're OK, you're OK, you're OK," Cap tries to wipe blood from his visor, patting at his chest, but with all of his clothes on, she doesn't know where the wound is. She looks around the barrels, seeing Mickey poke her head out. She waves her forward, yelling, unheard through the noise around her.</p><p>Cap readies Donnie, apologizing, then hoists him over her shoulder in a fireman's carry, ignoring the agonized yell from him. She leaves her cover, sprinting forward. Behind her, she hears yelling, and bullets whiz past her legs. In the skinny slot of the open bunker door, Ethan and Mickey flanked the concrete space.</p><p>"Get the fuck in!" She yells at them, crossing the threshold. Once she's through, Mickey steps forward, laying out a few shots, until Ethan shoots a hand out, grabbing a handful of her shirt, pulling her back inside.</p><p>The wind howls, louder than Highwaymen yelling, louder than gunfire, louder than the thunder that bashes against the sky. As carefully as she can, Cap lays Donnie down.</p><p>"Close the fucking door!" Cap hears Ethan yell as she tries to find Donnie's wound. He groans, clutching his chest. Her throat tightens. <em>Don't be the lungs don't be the lungs -</em></p><p>"It's fucking stuck!"</p><p>Cap stands, and sprints up to the door, pushing Mickey and Ethan out of the way. She shoulders into the door again, and again, hearing it groan and clang with each push. Even with her enhanced strength using the Gift, closing the door was a challenge. Once her shoulder started to burn, she raised a boot, and kicked it closed. With finality, in groaned shut with an earth - shaking thud. Dust falls from the ceiling, coating her shoulders. Outside, the roar of the wind is broken by bullets, and fists, pounding against the metal. Mickey goes to the side of the door, and pulls a large lever, which groaned and scraped metal, the floor locks of the door connecting.</p><p>They both forget the door, rushing over to Donnie. Ethan is already over him. He had ripped both of their masks off, and was struggling to take his equipment off. Cap slides up, ripping her mask off and throwing it over her shoulder, helping take off Donnie's backpack, his guitar case. Ethan begins to push up Donnie's shirt. Cap pushes his hands away, grabs his shirt and, <em>skrrrt</em>, rips Donnie's shirt in two, exposing his chest.</p><p>"<em>Jacket</em>, Captain, for the love of - "</p><p>"OK, OK!" Cap grips the leather of his coat, <em>Sorry, Don,</em> and tears it off from his body in one swift motion, like it were tissue paper. Blood covered his neck, chest, and face, matting in his hair. Around his neck, a chain with a Star of David hung, also bloodied. Thankfully, as Cap notices Ethan reach a bloody hand for his herbal kit, the bullet passed through Donnie's shoulder, and not his chest, or neck.</p><p>Ethan dumps everything out of his bag, rifling through. His eyes are wide, mouth a thin line, shaking slightly. He looks up, "Go find some spare fabric - shirts, bandages, whatever you have!"</p><p>Cap doesn't go far. She goes through her bag, and pulls out whatever spare shirts she had. Mickey had run to a far wall, and popped open a first aid kit bolted onto it. She pulls out bundles of thick wraps, laying them out within Ethan's reach. Ethan grabs a spare shirt, holding it over the wound.</p><p>"You know what you're doing, Eden?" Mickey grinds out, "This isn't someone cutting their hand on - "</p><p>"Yes, I know what I'm doing!" He snaps, "Unless <em>you</em> want to try!"</p><p>"<em>Stop</em>!" Cap grits. They all look down. Donnie looked paler.</p><p>They all share a frightened look. Ethan, with a wavering, tense voice, grabs Cap's wrist. "Keep pressure on him!"</p><p>"OK, OK," She holds the fabric on the bullet wound, sopping up blood. She presses tight, exhaling when Donnie's face twitches, grimacing in pain.</p><p>"Antiseptic, antiseptic - Hah!" Ethan holds up a wrapped mason jar. He takes a fresh shirt, dousing it, then handing it to Cap, who takes it and replaces it where he now - ruined shirt once was.</p><p>Donnie cries out, pained, jerking away.</p><p>"Did you see the bullet leave him?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"No - "</p><p>He reaches over, grabbing tweezers, "I have to see. We need to turn him over."</p><p>Donnie's eyes were screwed, and her reaches out weakly, blindly, until he finds someone - Mickey - and grasps her arm, "I don't wanna die," He says, weak, "I don't wanna die."</p><p>"We're not gonna let you die, Don," Mickey says in assurance, "We've got you. Eden's gonna help you out, alright?"</p><p>"Keep him awake, Mickey," Ethan grits out. He grabs a coiled cord of rope, and ties it where his chest met armpit, cutting the wound off, "Cap, we have to flip him, now."</p><p>"Sorry, Don," Cap says quietly. With one hand pressed on his wound, she flips him.</p><p>He yells out. Mickey holds his face, yelling at him, "Open your eyes Don! Good - now, look at me, yeah, now, what's that song you like so much? Your favorite song?"</p><p>"A...." Donnie hisses, "A song?"</p><p>"Yeah. That nerdy song you like so fuckin' much, Don. What was it?" She smacks Donnie's cheek, "C'mon, man, you know what I'm talking about."</p><p>With a weak, scratchy voice, Donnie hums, "Well, things change fast - "</p><p>"This to shall pass," Mickey finishes, "C'mon, man, it's just a bullet wound, you're OK, c'mon, keep going, man, if you die on me, I'll kill you."</p><p>Donnie keeps going, singing weakly. Cap inspects his back, seeing an exit wound, Thank fucking God. The last thing they needed was impromptu surgery.</p><p>"Keep him on his side," Ethan straddles Donnie's midsection, "Somebody get my a water jug."</p><p>Cap reaches over, grabbing her water, uncorking it and passing it. Ethan takes it, and pours it over the wound, wiping blood away. The wound had started to coagulate, stopped by the tourniquet. He takes the jar of antiseptic, pouring it over a clean shirt, then covering the wound.</p><p>Donnie screams. Cap keeps him in place, cringing. She'd seen her fair share of bullet wounds, but never did she have to stay behind and be a medical attendant.</p><p>"This too shall pass, Don!" Mickey yells at him, "Say it!"</p><p>"Fuck you!"</p><p>"Don't make this harder than it has to be!"</p><p>He groans, angry, pained, then says, "This too shall pass!"</p><p>"That's right, Don, c'mon, it's not that bad."</p><p>"I....." He grits his teeth, "<em>Fucking</em> hate you."</p><p>Ethan looks at Mickey, "I need your pocket light," He says. Mickey whips it out, halfway throwing it at Ethan, who takes it and flashes it on both sides of the wound. He shakes his head, "I don't see any debris or shrapnel. What kind of gun?"</p><p>"Assault rifle."</p><p>"Shit, he's lucky," Mickey says, "Could've gotten stuck in there."</p><p>"<em>Ohhhh</em>, yeah," Donnie hisses out, "Lucky me."</p><p>As Ethan treats the wound, a tense lull falls over them. Cap's Gift wears off, her limbs turning heavy. Ethan switches between water to sop away blood, and antiseptic, to clean the wound. He dabs ointment on the wound, then with a nervous hand, he wraps Donnie's shoulder, Mickey smacking his cheeks to make sure he's awake. His quick breaths turn shallow, limply holding onto Mickey.</p><p>"Hey," Mickey smacks him, "Still alive, Pretty Boy?"</p><p>"Fuck you," Donnie says weakly. He sounded exhausted beyond belief.</p><p>Cap looks at the concrete floor of the bunker. It's covered in blood, smeared and stained dark. She picks her eyes up, looking at Ethan. He looked like he was barely holding it together, his hand flat over Donnie's wound. She puts a hand on his shoulder, "We should get him into a bed," Cap says carefully, "Prop him up."</p><p>Ethan wipes his face, smearing blood on his forehead, "That's....A good idea," Ethan sounded just as tired as Donnie did. He climbs off of him, wiping his hands on his sweater, "Cap?"</p><p>Cap, as carefully as she can, picks Donnie up bridal style. He groans, head thrown back limply, but does hook a hand weakly behind her neck. She looked around. The entryway of the bunker was huge, at least the size of Prosperity, but fit into a globe. On a far wall, ahead of them, opposite the bunker door, was a large symbol, cast in iron, but covered in graffiti. It was of an eagle, Cap thinks, set into a circle. Words bordered the circle, but were completely covered by spray paint, rendering them unreadable.</p><p>Mickey waves them forward, "C'mon, there's some bunks set up back here."</p><p>Cap follows, Ethan sticking to her side. Mickey leads them around the large eagle symbol, and descends a short staircase. At the bottom of the steps was a long, concrete hallway with a low ceiling, packed with crates of supplies and loose weapons and ammo. Timber has a field day, sniffing at the edges. They pass rooms of supplies - food, weapons, some doors open, some shut, a few bathrooms with showers, walls covered in artwork and tags.</p><p>"Place uses well water," Mickey says, leading them straight to the back of the bunker, "And this is just the first floor. There's four more down below us."</p><p>Cap whistles, "What the fuck did they use this place for?"</p><p>"Lost a lot of the why thanks to the bombs dropping, but we're pretty sure it was supposed to be some bunker for politicians, I think. Or army generals. Maybe both. Didn't matter who they were for, because they never made it here. Highwaymen popped it open, and it was totally unoccupied."</p><p>"Creepy."</p><p>"Yeah. Total ghost town."</p><p>"You sure we're alone?"</p><p>"Totally. We made it clear - this place is for shelter from rad storms only. Supplies get dropped off every month, and that's it. If people start getting comfortable, shit stops getting done, this place starts falling apart," She stops in a back room, "Here. Pick a bed."</p><p>Inside the last room is very clearly an infirmary, with white sheets and beds and walls, boxes of medical instruments and medical cabinets line the spaces between ten bunks, five on each side. Cap carefully sets Donnie down on the first bed she sees. Mindful of his bad shoulder, she pats his chest.</p><p>"See?" Cap says, "You're OK, man."</p><p>"I don't feel OK," He says, "It feels like I got fuckin' shot. <em>Again</em>."</p><p>Cap pats him, "Yeah, well, at least it wasn't something important."</p><p>"I'm important!"</p><p>"I mean, like, your lungs."</p><p>"Oh," He leans his head back, "Right."</p><p>"You get a little rest," She stands up, only for Donnie to shoot his hand out, and weakly grab her wrist.</p><p>"Don't leave me alone, please," He says weakly, "I don't wanna be alone."</p><p>He was scared, and he was weak. Cap doesn't disbelieve that he really thought he was going to die. She sinks down next to him. She clasps his bloody hand between hers, "I'm right here, Donnie. You're OK."</p><p>Mickey grabs pillows from other beds, "Get him up."</p><p>Cap moves around, to Donnie's good side, and pushes him up. He hisses in pain, Mickey planting pillows behind his back, propping him upright. Timber jumps onto the bad, circling, laying at Donnie's feet, his head on his ankles. Mickey stands back, her hands on her hips.</p><p>"There. Now you can take it easy."</p><p>Donnie grimaces, and leans his head back. His hand falls limp in Cap's, chest rising and falling in an immediate sleep. Carefully, Cap pulls her hand back, settling Donnie's on his lap. She stands. Mickey leans in, snapping her fingers in front of his face.</p><p>"Out like a fucking light."</p><p>They both turn back to the doorway to the room. Ethan is standing in the open space. He has his satchel slung over his shoulder, face grim. His clothes are covered in blood, especially his hands and knees. Cap opens her arms to him, patting his shoulder.</p><p>"Good job, man," She says, "Donnie'll be just fine."</p><p>Ethan doesn't move his eyes from Donnie's unconscious form.</p><p>She shakes his shoulder, "Why don't you get cleaned up, huh?"</p><p>He shakes his head, "We shouldn't leave him alone."</p><p>"I think he'll be fine," Mickey says, "Timber's got him."</p><p>"No, no....He's...." He says it carefully, "My patient now. I guess. It's my responsibility to make sure he makes it out alright."</p><p>"Great," Mickey punches him lightly in the shoulder, "We can count on you to make sure he doesn't kick the bucket, can't we?"</p><p>Cap scoffs, "Mick - "</p><p>"I'm just kidding," She says. She pauses, "You did good, Eden," She shrugs, "I'm no medic, but, I think you did a clean job. Helped that there's no bullet in him. He'll pull out just fine," She pushes Cap before anyone else can get a word in, "C'mon, let's get cleaned up."</p><p>Cap throws Ethan one last look as he walks into the room, then follows Mickey down the hallway.</p><p>"You hear that?" Mickey cups a hand to her ear.</p><p>Cap does the same, focusing on the sound around her. She can hear muffled thunder, and howling winds, "Yeah. I hear it."</p><p>"Sounds like the end of the world all over again."</p><p>"How long does a storm usually last?"</p><p>"Could be over in a few hours, could be over in a few days. Depends."</p><p>"Can the Highwaymen get in here?"</p><p>"Nah. Bunker can only be locked from the outside, or the inside. We have the inside locks applied already. Makes it impossible for anybody but us to pop those doors open," She leads her to a side room, which was a long shower section. Clothes, and bathing products were scattered around on the benches.</p><p>They peel off their bloody clothes. Cap can definitely save her windbreaker, but her jeans and shirt are done for. She takes off her trucker cap, and frowns. There was a big, messy blotch on the rim. It's her favorite hat, and her only hat. It's been with her the entire time, from California to Montana. She hopes she can save it.</p><p>Mickey throws out everything besides her underclothes, her hat, and her sneakers. She grabs some spare, graffitied jeans and a shirt, and tosses Cap a new shirt and pants.</p><p>"You sure we should wear these?" Cap holds up the spray - painted shirt, which had a thick - lined eyeball with a halo over it in the center.</p><p>"We'll fit in with the locals," Mickey says, "That's about ninety - percent of the local fashion around Michigan."</p><p>They turn on the showers, the water warm. Cap couldn't ask for anything more than a hot shower. She washes knots and blood out of her hair, scrubbing dirt off her skin. She sits down on a bench built into the wall, taking her windbreaker and scrubbing the blood stain out. It was mostly on the shoulders, since she carried Donnie inside. Mickey paces up, placing a foot on the seat next to her.</p><p>"How's the coat?"</p><p>She holds up the soggy windbreaker, "I think it'll be OK," Only the rim of the bloodstain was left over, a quarter - faded. Mickey sits down, taking Cap's hand. She traces the mark of the Gift in her palm, pressing.</p><p>"It's so weird how that doesn't work," She says. It was one of the many mysteries that came along with the Gift, like why it doesn't work when other people press into her palm, or how it even works in the first place. Mickey presses a little more, then drops her hand, sitting next to her.</p><p>They were both naked, sitting in silence as warm water comes down over them. Mickey leans over, grabbing soap, and rubbing it between her hands.</p><p>"You didn't get hurt, did you, Cap?" She asks.</p><p>"No," She answers. She pretended like the Gift gave her invulnerability, but, in an odd way, it just slowed time down, giving her more time to avoid bullets and blows, "You?"</p><p>She shakes her head, "I'm good."</p><p>"Could've been worse. Way worse. Donnie could've died. We're lucky we had Ethan with us."</p><p>Mickey does say anything. The two finish showering, grabbing towels, redressing, then going back to the entrance. Blood stained and dried where they laid Donnie out. Out in the corner, sheltered by boxes, were two bodies of Highwaymen, the ones who made it into the bunker. The two start scrounging for their things. They carefully separated their mingled items, but Cap refrains from organizing Ethan and Donnie's things, just pushing them aside to be dealt with later.</p><p>Next to the bunker door, near the locking mechanism, was a system of gauges and panels. As Cap inspects them, Mickey slides up next to her.</p><p>"Meet the world's most complicated Geiger counter," She leans against the wall, "Some serious equipment. It's so sensitive, it can sniff out a storm before you can smell it on the wind. When Pops found this place, he told everybody to keep their hands off of it."</p><p>"Smart guy. Wish I could've met him," She catches herself, pretending to investigate the panels further.</p><p>"Y'know, Cap," She says, "I think he'd like you. Strong, knows when to keep cool," She goes quiet, "I doubt we'd ever meet, if Pops was still alive. Our push West was me and Lou's idea. We used to joke about how comfortable he was out East," She shoves her hands in her pockets, "Show's how much we know, right?"</p><p>"I wouldn't say that," Cap shoots back, "Megabloom made the lands and hunting good and plenty. Ground is fertile. It's a good place to start a life. Good place to head to next, if the East is already under your thumb," She clicks her tongue, "I think your problem was you strong - armed people. You took, but never replenished anything. You didn't settle down to farm, or build homesteads. It was only smart for the short term."</p><p>Mickey inhales sharply, looking off, "You don't have to tell me twice. Sustainable living is the only way to survive out here. Raiding only gets you so far. Wish we realized it earlier."</p><p>"Looks like Donnie's ideas about the Highwaymen are rubbing off on you."</p><p>"I wouldn't say it's from him," Before Cap can press further, Mickey pushes off of the wall, "C'mon, let me show you the armory."</p><p>According to some of the dusty, spray - painted clocks around the bunker, it was midnight. Cap didn't think things could be so quiet. She expected the hum of a generator, at the very least. Complete silence. Since the team turned themselves nocturnal, Cap and Mickey were wide awake. The armory was a huge room packed with crates upon crates and giant, haphazardly built display cabinets filled with bullets and weaponry that made Cap's mouth water. She didn't hesitate to dig through. She swaps some of her rusted guns for a few modified, cleaner ones. Like the idiot she was, she forgot her weapon kit back in Prosperity. They grab as much ammo as they could comfortably carry with them, and other supplies, like new bedrolls, and camping supplies, like real tents. Mickey exchanges her uzi for a new one, with a reflex sight, and grabs a sawed - off shotgun. It was painted bright pink with white graffiti.</p><p>"You look cool as fuck with that, dude," Cap says.</p><p>Mickey totes it over her shoulder, putting a hand on her hip, and a sneaker up onto an ammo box, "Think they'll build a statue of me if I go on enough patrols?"</p><p>"If you're lucky," Cap replies, hopping up onto a wooden crate. She misses Prosperity, and her friends. She wonders how everyone is doing without her. Probably managing just fine, but she worried for them. The Rye family is probably worried sick, especially Carmina. She was like a little sister to Cap. And Cap was especially worried for the Judge. She wonders if they'd want to be called that anymore. Would Aiden be more fitting? Or is it still too early for them? She picks up a tactical bow placed on top of the crate, inspecting it. It was a lot like hers, who Ethan had appropriated for himself, but a lot clunkier, "How's the kitchen?"</p><p>"Just great. Smells like burnt meat, but the fridges and stoves actually work."</p><p>"Whoa."</p><p>"Yeah, c'mon."</p><p>"You go ahead. I'm gonna go see if Ethan wants anything."</p><p>They split off, Cap quickly grabbing a short bag and shoving Judge's book inside, then casually walking down the hallway. She peeks through the doorway to the infirmary. She pauses when she hears Ethan's voice, soft and low. Ethan, at one point, dragged a chair over to the side of the bed, with his hands folded, head lowered, praying. She hasn't seen Ethan pray for a while. She used to catch him, at night when she'd check up on him in the infirmary in Prosperity, but he either stopped because he was embarrassed, or God wasn't as receptive as Ethan wanted Him to be. Donnie was still asleep, head lolled to the side. Ethan had pulled a blanket up over him, resting just under his pecs, hands folded over his lap. Timber still snored at his feet.</p><p>She steps inside as Ethan picks his head up. He doesn't turn around, seemingly unaware of Cap. He reaches behind Donnie's head, unlatching the chain around his neck. It was stained red with his blood. Ethan tries to rub away the blood with his thumb, unsuccessfully. He stands, pushing up from his chair. Cap knocks softly on the doorway to grab his attention. Ethan turns around quickly, face and neck flushed red.</p><p>"Hey," Cap whispers, "Just checkin' in."</p><p>Ethan loosens his clenched jaw, "He's fine," He says lowly, "But he's sleeping, so try to be quiet," He walks over to a sink a few beds away, turning the water on. He holds the necklace under the stream, rubbing away red.</p><p>Cap walks quietly over, leaning against the sink casing, "What's his status?"</p><p>"He's been in and out of consciousness. I gave him some antibiotics inbetween, some pain killers."</p><p>"How about some melatonin?"</p><p>"He's lost a lot of blood, Captain. I'm not comfortable combining that with pain medication."</p><p>She nods, "How long do you think he needs?"</p><p>He purses his lips, not picking his eyes up from the sink, "More time than I think anyone wants to stay."</p><p>"So how long, Eth?"</p><p>"He needs to take care of that shoulder," His head tilts to each side as he talks, "He needs monitoring, antibiotics, an easy place to rest and an environment that isn't trying to suck the life out of him. Ten days, at the very least."</p><p>Cap twirls her hair, frowning. She was familiar with bullet wounds, she'd seen a lot of them in her time, and knew Donnie's injury would take time, but there was no way they could hold out in a Highwaymen bunker for that long "That's a long time to stay here, Eth - "</p><p>"There's no way he can take the trip to Michigan and back again if we leave in less time. And even with ten days to recover, anything could happen inbetween. Infection could set in, he could catch pneumonia, and the stress of the Highwaymen and the radiation could make it even harder to heal, and all those risks just increase once we leave," He shuts the water off, patting the necklace dry on a stray rag, "He's not going to be healthy enough to leave anytime soon."</p><p>She meets his eye, nodding, "I'll tell Mickey to settle in."</p><p>Ethan sighs, deflating, "I don't want to be here any longer than you do, Captain," He walks back to Donnie's unconscious form, clipping his necklace back onto him, and sitting back down in his chair. He rubs his eyes, tired.</p><p>Cap rubs a hand to his shoulder, "Why don't you get cleaned up, Eth, get some sleep. I'm sure he'll be fine for a few hours."</p><p>Ethan scratches at his growing beard. He looked a lot like his father with facial hair, and his pinned - up bun didn't help water that down. He sighs, and leans back, "A few hours."</p><p>"There's a kitchen down the hall, if you're hungry."</p><p>He stands and leaves, Cap taking his seat. She reaches to Timber, curled by Donnie's legs, and scratches his head.</p><p>"Good boy," She says, "Good boy," She leans back, overlooking Donnie. He was clean, mostly, the blood wiped from his face and chest, scrubbed out of his hair. She eyes his bandage, seeing a blood spot bloom from underneath. The bullet carved clean through him, but she wonders if it cut bone. It definitely didn't seem broken. She wonders how much muscle was cut, how much maneuvering he has in his arm now. He seemed very attached to his guitar, and music in general. Who knew just how long it would be before he could pick up his instrument again.</p><p>Pushing away such dark thoughts, she crosses her legs, opening up her satchel and taking out Judge's book.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNINGS FOR: violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <em>I wake up in a world of white. My whole body feels numb, and I stand up from the tall grass I was laying in. I was alone, no Jess, no Sharky, no car wreck. I look around, for any sign of where to fucking go, until I see a mess of strawberry blonde cut into my view.</em>
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  <em>"Don't you see what we're trying to build?" Faith tells me. She sounds hurt. She pushes me, and I fly backward through the air, landing softly. She takes my hand from behind, making me face her, "Or do you just not care?" I watch you run this way and that, inflicting violence on those that wish you no harm upon you - "</em>
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  <em>I pull my arm away, shoving myself back. She shrinks, like I had raised my hand to smack her.</em>
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  <em>"They are at peace here. They want to be here," Very shyly, she walks back to me again, taking my hand, "I know you have your doubts. But this is the only way the story ends," She walks me forward with her, "Nothing you can do can change that. Your friends on the outside....they're controlled by fear. They don't understand," She stops, and opens her hand up. A butterfly flies right from her palm. I follow it, turning, and behind, there's a crystal clear river, and at the muddy short, is Cameron Burke, in a white - washed row boat, "But he does. He'll show you."</em>
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  <em>Burke smiles at me, "Hey, Rook," He says, so relaxed. He stops the boat, motioning me in, taking my hand, "C'mon, c'mon, it's OK," He tells me, like I felt fear anymore. He sits down, and sighs, and starts rowing. Butterflies circle him, landing on his shoulders and hands, drawn to his peace.</em>
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  <em>"I know you're here to take me back. It's OK. She knows. Everybody knows. You think you're doing the right thing, you think I need to be rescued, but..." He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, "I don't. I don't wanna go back," He closes his eyes, raising his head to the foggy cloud, "Ever."</em>
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  <em>I hummingbird flies into my face, and I bat it away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Have you," He asks me, "Have you ever stopped and looked at how your life's turned out? I mean what you've actually done with it, you know? We're told we can be anything, right? A famous singer, a hall of famer, a movie star....We're all gonna be a success, Rook."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boats stops. He shakes his head, sour, "But no, that's not....That's just not true. We live mundane lives, just doing what someone else tells us to do," He starts rowing again, "Day after day. Everybody thinks they have free will, but c'mon, when's the last time you did something that wasn't required? Demanded? Nah, Rook. We don't live our lives, we live theirs. And we think we have freewill....But that is just a lie. An illusion."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He chuckles to himself, "Oh man, I'm so done with that. I'm done with being the yes man. I'm done with being the errand boy. And I'm done with being the garbage collector. I'm so done. Because, if that is real life, then what is the point?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His voice drips with bitterness. Maybe I felt different, because I was 25 and I had a good 60 years left under my belt to do whatever it was I wanted to do, granted that I lived past the Project, but I look at Burke, and I see a man who's in his forties, who's still single and who's work is his entire life and he looks so, so tired. I look at his foggy eyes, and I wondered, what dreams of his were crushed under the harsh boot of reality? Who took his goals and shattered them like a glass vase?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was how the Peggies got you, Cap. They lured you in with promises of a better life, and kindness you've never felt before, and they tell you they're going to give you purpose and love and all you have to do is deny yourself the ability of choice. The choice to live how you want, the choice to believe and love and work as you want. They are only offering you a gilded cage, stuffed with crosses and flowers and scripture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This place gave me the chance to become something I thought I could never be," We wash along a shore. He looks at me, absolutely ecstatic, "Happy," The butterflies fly off of him, and he climbs out of the boat, with me following him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And in the end, Rook, isn't that the only thing that really matters? Happiness?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'd be happy to get the fuck out of the Bliss and bash Faith's head in with a rock, if that's what he means.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a long path of trees lining a large piece of a field, and at the end of the field, there's a large, gilded gate, smattered with Bliss flowers. My stomach dropped. If Burke crossed that gate, it'd be over for us. I ran for Burk, grabbing him by his vest, pulling with all the strength I could. He doesn't fight me, but his resistance is clear. He moves forward, trying to push through me like I was a roiling ocean. I let him go, and look around, finding a long, large branch. I pick it up, winding my swing. It connects with his skull.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel something tug me backward as Burke crumples into the grass. I end up on my back, staring up at the cloudy sky. The sun explodes, and, slowly, the Bliss ebbs away, fading into a dark room, the sun turning into a flashlight, Tracey looking down at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're doing great," She tells me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someone, yells from beside me, "Christ! Tracey, get that syringe over here!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look to my right, seeing Burke, seizing on a cot next to me. Whitehorse is over him. Tracey comes back with a syringe, trying to stab it into Burke's chest. He catches her wrist, throwing her off of him. He throws Whitehorse off, with whatever fucking Bliss - strength he had. Whitehorse draws his gun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm so numb and weak, I can only watch him, as helpless as a lamb. I really thought Whitehorse would shoot him, I really did. But, he doesn't, the two just screaming at each other.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No drugs," Burke says, "Put your guns down, no drugs."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil walks in on the chaos, "You can't just come out of the Bliss clean."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I....I can," Burke insists, "Sheriff, please....I'm not scrambled - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Alright," Whitehorse goes, "Alright."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Stay away from me - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Alright," He gets closer, gun away, "Alright, just lay down...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Burke collapses like a ragdoll onto his cot. Tracey has her fists clenched at her side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You shouldn't have brought him here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smartest of us all, she was. Is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tracey," Whitehorse starts.</em>
</p><p>"<em>Fuck you, 'Tracey.' I said this was a bad idea," She gets in his face, "I said it from the very beginning. You don't know her. How she digs inside your head...." She throws her hands up, "Don't trust him," She says, and she walks out. She was scared. I could see why. These idiots trusted drugged - up Burke that he was clean from Faith's influence, the stupid bastards.</em></p><p>
  <em>But I wasn't too focused on that part. I was focused on Whitehorse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sit up on my cot. Hands grab my shoulders, but I shake them off, "Sheriff," I say, "We need to talk."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Later, Deputy."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, we need to talk, now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he ignores me. The smart person I was, I drew my gun, and aimed it down. It was all I could think of doing. Burke was finished with his little tantrum, and I was determined to have mine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whitehorse," I say, "Earl. Sheriff," Each word that comes out of my mouth is so bitter and angry, I can barely hold the gun straight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turns, and there's a grand look of surprise in his face. He puts his hands up, and both Virgil and Tracey are locked in shock, neither moving.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Easy, Rook - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't fucking call me Rook," I spit at him, "You knew about the Peggies. You knew just how bad they were."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shakes his head. I saw red. I have half a mind to pull the trigger then, but I wanted to dig my knife deep before I tugged it out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't fucking lie to me! Look at me," I rip open my shirt, "John carved me up like a fucking pig! I'll wear this for the rest of my fucking life! Jacob, Jesus Christ, Jacob was making people rip their friends apart! I watched them dig pits for all the fucking bodies! And now Faith is trying to rip my head open and fill it with Bliss, and I sure as fuck am not becoming an Angel!" I push forward, "And I have to do it because you couldn't grow a pair deal with the Family yourself! I have to clean up your fucking mess! Say it! Tell these people what you did!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Sheriff stares me down. I'm so fucking enraged, I press the barrel to his chest, and I shake the room with my voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Joey went through torture you wouldn't believe. She's half the woman she was when I met her. Staci is a completely different man. You know what Jacob did to him? He's a fucking shell, Sheriff, a shell. I'm twenty - fucking - five years old, and I feel like I'm fifty, because this place has sucked every bit of fucking life from me!" I motion to the room, "These people are suffering and dying, and you let it happen! Say it! Tell these people the truth!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He does nothing. His head tilts down, hiding his eyes in shadow. Shame? Some hidden anger? I didn't give a fuck what it was, I wanted answers, and I was determined to get them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I throw my gun away, and I tackle Whitehorse. I'm on top of him, picking him up by his shirt, and bashing him against the floor, "You owe these people the truth! Say it! Admit you let this happen! You think this just started because we tried to take Joseph Seed? They've been killing people for years, and nobody did anything, because you were in their fucking pockets - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel something sharp stab me in my neck. I pull a syringe out of my neck. I throw it, and turn around. It was Tracey, and she's got a second one in her hand. I slump over a little, because whatever she hit me with, it works fast as fuck. The world shuts off like a light, and I'm gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pass out, for a little bit, then come to, and I remember it all. The crash, and why we were in the car in the fucking first place, and Burke. I shoot up from my cot, and my head pounds like there's construction going on inside. I swing my legs over, seeing Burke passed out in his cot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey," Someone says. I look over. It's Jess.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you OK?" I ask her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah," She tells me, "Just some bumps and scrapes," She's all suited up, ready to go, with some new bandages on her face and arms. There's a strip across her nose, hiding a cut and a bruise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where's Sharky?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Over here," Sharky says, sitting in a chair in the corner. His head is wrapped, holding a juice box. He reaches into a cooler, taking out another. He walks to me, handing it over. I push it away, standing up. The world spins a little, but I can stand on my own.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How're you doing?" I ask him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just a few bumps and bruises, man. Hit my head pretty hard, but Tracey said there's no concussion," He smiles, revealing a gap in his teeth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I should've felt shame. I was so wrapped up in getting to Whitehorse, I put the two of them in danger. But I didn't feel shame. I felt anger, and rage, and it beat through me like a song.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where's Whitehorse?" I ask the two of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Outside," Jess answers. She stares at me, and I can see that same burn in her eyes that I felt. Anger. Betrayal. She shifts from one foot to the other, "How do you know Whitehorse knew about the Peggies?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, Pratt told me, and I talk about his breakdown.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You talk to Hudson yet?" Sharky asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," I was only concerned with Whitehorse at the time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Aiden," He says, pushing the juice box into my chest, "We're on your side, alright?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, I fucking hope so, because I'm out for blood. I was so angry. I take the juice box, angrily poking it with the straw. I ask if Whitehorse said anything. They both say that he denied it. I squeeze the juice box so tight, it leaks. I throw the thing down, pissed as Hell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And as I tore through the jail looking for Whitehorse, I started piecing the past together. I remember when we first came to Hope County in that chopper. Whitehorse was adamant about leaving, trying to convince Burke to leave while we had the chance. We went into that church, and he told me that we should leave. I shouldn't put those cuffs on Joseph Seed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look back on it now, and I'm glad I didn't listen. I couldn't imagine this world, even as broken as it is, with the Seeds still alive. Joseph I could handle, but all of them? I wouldn't </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sheriff!" I'm yelling out, "Sheriff!" I stop some poor sucker, demanding to know where he is, and she points me outside the front gates.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Out at the crossroads, there's Whitehorse, and there's Hudson, and there's Pratt. They're all standing in a small circle, in some heated conversation that has Hudson red in the face. I run over there, and they all freeze and stop when they notice me. Hudson steps between me and Whitehorse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Easy, Dep - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What the fuck are you two doing here?" I only stop when her hand touches my chest. I stare Pratt down, who meets my eyes, wild and fearful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sheriff called us," Hudson answers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"For what?" I stare at the sheriff, who meets my eye. I hated him, in that moment, I hated him so fucking much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You," She inhales sharply, "When were you gonna tell us you got into contact with him?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"When I felt like it was safe enough to come down here," I said, "You two went through enough."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's thoughtful, Dep, but we can handle ourselves."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Is that why I had to rescue you two, then?" I say it sharp, driving my words deep. Hudson clenches her jaw, pulling her hand away from me. I roll my shoulders, trying to look as big as I could, "I need answers. From all of you," I point to each of them, "Because Staci already ratted you all out, and I'm fucking terrified to think that everything he said is true. Tell me that he's just crazy, please, tell me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All of them look away from me. I wanted to rip the sky open with my bare hands, "You all let the Seeds kill these people?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson gasps, "Of course we didn't - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But it was fine to just live and let be though, right? To keep the peace? What fucking peace is there around here?" I motion to the place, "They've been buying up land and killing people for years, and nobody cared! Nobody gave a fuck about these people, and why? Because you didn't think it would ever get to this level? That there lives weren't worth anything?" I turn around, and I point to Jess, who's standing at the front gates with Sharky, "You see Jess Black over there? You know what the Peggies did to her folks?" I laughed, "Burned them fucking alive. When she was a kid, and she had to watch. You guys took their blood money and you - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dep," Sheriff warns me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You let them be tortured like fucking animals, brainwashed - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Deputy - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just look at Staci, you think he's gonna go back to a normal desk job after this - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think you're confusing my calm for apathy, Dep - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him not to call me Dep. I tell him there's no more Dep, no more Rook, no more kid, sport, pal, whatever fucking else they have for me. It's Aiden. I'm not a deputy anymore, and they sure as Hell aren't in charge of me. I never felt so fucking mad in my entire life. I take out my badge from my pocket, and I throw it into the street. I kept it around, just to remind myself of who I was, but now it was just a useless hunk of metal. Because I joined to make a difference, and all I did was end up being a complacent cog in a crooked machine. I take a deep breath, and turn back around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I want the truth," I tell them, "You give me the truth, now. You owe me that, after I tore this county apart to save you all."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sheriff takes a deep breath. And he lays out everything that happened. John Seed was using his fortune to pay off every local sheriff's office within a hundred - mile radius, Whitehorse a happy participant. Hudson and Pratt weren't afraid to admit they were dipping into the pot, either. And as they spoke, I just felt sicker, and sicker. My stomach turned into a hot rock, burning me from the inside out. How horrible. How evil. I stopped looking at them as my friends, as my coworkers, and my siblings in arms, fighting against a common enemy. They were now just people, who took advantage of a system until the well dried up, and they were forced to fight against it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When they were done, they all looked at me with pain in their eyes. They felt sorry for what they did, but I couldn't decide if it was for everyone who was caught in the crossfire, or for what happened to them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at Hudson, and Pratt, "You two need to head back to the valley and the mountains," I told them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hudson stands tall, "You don't tell me what to do, Rook."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You remember what you told me, Hudson? When I saved you from being sliced up by those Peggies?" I pitch my voice to mock her, "You're the one in charge now, Rook," I jerk a thumb out, "Get going."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I turn to Pratt, who's shaking slightly, grip tight on his gun. I stare him down, "You too," I walk closer, and push a finger into his chest, "I want you back with the Whitetails. You don't leave the mountains until I tell you to leave the mountains. Not for Hudson, not for the Sheriff, not for nobody. Got it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pratt nods. His knuckles are white. Taking my order, he turns on his heel, and starts walking. I unclench my jaw, looking at Whitehorse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You," I point to him, "Need to apologize to Tracey. She works her ass off here, and it's because of you that she has to," I exhale, all shaky, "You know what Staci thinks?" I ask them, staring as Pratt saunters down the road, "He thinks we're in Hell. And he's right. You three are here because you sat back while the Peggies razed this place to the ground," I shake my head at them, "And I'm here because I was stupid enough to trust you to do what was right."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt shame, and guilt. While I was safe at home, the folks of Hope County were fighting for their lives, and their lands. I shook violently as I walked away from Whitehorse and Hudson. I push between Sharky and Jess, ignoring their questions, and the looks they throw me. I go back to the infirmary, to check on Burke. He was the best of us all. He wanted the Seeds out of the game, and he didn't have a single stake in it except that he wanted to punish them for the harm they caused.</em>
</p><p>The next page is of Cameron Burke. He's a middle - aged, handsome guy. He wore a bulletproof vest, one hand on his gun holster, and a gold cross hung from his neck. He looked like the sort of government agent Cap would hear about from old thrillers Rush used to read almost religiously.</p><p>
  <em>I grab whatever equipment they stripped off of me while I was unconscious, and then I leave. And I walk, and I walk, and I walk, all the way back to where it started. Back to Dutch's bunker. Sharky and Jess are in a jacked pickup, tagging along right on my tail. They keep calling out to me, but I'm not paying them any attention. I get to Dutch's island, climbing through the thickets, and the two are forced to abandon the car to follow. I get into Dutch's bunker, and stomp down the steps, just....completely out of my body. Well, Dutch notices me, and notices my two friends, and starts asking his questions. I don't have the energy to answer him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get into the cot I woke up chained to so long ago, and I flop myself down on the covers. I pass out, and wake up at five, six AM. I get up, pathetic as a wet ragdoll, and look in a mirror. I looked like shit. There was a huge bruise on the side of my temple, and a bandage on my cheek. My whole body ached.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wander through the bunker. Sharky is done for on Dutch's couch. I pull a blanket over him, and pull his hat off, throwing it onto the coffee table. I go into the kitchen area, and Jess and Dutch are sitting there, talking low with mugs of hot tea in their hands. They both notice me, and sitting side - by - side, you could see the family resemblance. They had the same noses, the same eyes, the same scowls and frowns.</em>
</p><p>Next page is of Jess and Dutch, sitting together at a table. They both look to be in serious, profound conversation.</p><p>"<em>I told him what your friends did," Jess says to me. Of course she did. One thing I knew for sure, if Jess was upset about something, you'd hear about it.</em></p><p>
  <em>I sit my sorry ass down at the table with them. Jess passes me a mug, dropping a tea bag inside, and then some hot water. I play with the tea tag as it steeps.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry, Kid," Dutch tells me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him he shouldn't be sorry. I should be. Maybe I didn't take their money, but I also didn't ask enough questions. I knew the Seeds were trouble, and I had all the power in the world to make a bigger fuss than the Sheriff wanted to make about them. But I chose not to, because I trusted the word of my coworkers that everything was under control. I shouldn't have settled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Out of habit, I reach over, and trail my fingers over Jess', keeping my eyes on my dark tea. I completely forget who we're in front of, in that moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's a bright side. I guess," Jess says. She doesn't take my hand, but she doesn't stop me, either, "Aiden found that marshal."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, that guy Faith's got locked down tighter than a bolt?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They talk about the Henbane, how it's going so far, how close I am to getting to Joseph. Just one more hurdle to jump. Just one more body to the pile. I hold Jess' hand, ignoring my tea, watching it go cold. Dutch might've thrown a look, but I wasn't paying attention. I was just thinking about what a worthless idiot I was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess takes her hand back, pushing my shoulder, "Maybe you should get back to bed," She tells me. A clock on the wall tells me that it's late morning, around eleven, and I insist I'm fine. I gulp down my tea, now cold and bitter, and put my cup down. I stand up, thanking Dutch for his hospitality, but we have to leave now. The Henbane won't clear itself out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I expect Jess to be right up and attem, but she stays in her seat. She tells me that, since we were in a car crash and all a few hours ago, it'd be smart to take a day to rest up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I didn't want to. I felt like I didn't deserve it, even more so now that I knew it was my branch that was taking bribes from the cult. I tell her she's free to do whatever she wanted to, but I'm going out to kill more Peggies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say it with a little more venom than I mean. I wasn't mad at her, not at all. She shoots me the biggest frown I've ever seen on her. She tells me that I was just in a car accident. That I need at least a day's worth of rest and that, as much as she wants to get out there and enact some righteous justice too, I can't do that if I'm not in my best shape.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not having any of it. I tell her that I didn't need to be babied, because I was strong and I could push through whatever I wanted because I wasn't so weak I needed rest and care like the rest of them did. A little bit of Jacob came out, I think. Conditioning I never escaped. Never have escaped, either.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And my words were a knife I twisted in so deep, I don't think it was ever pulled out. She pushes up from her seat, and looks at me, real hurt and mean. "Then do what you want," She says, and she makes sure to match my tone, angry and frustrated and looking to hurt someone, "But don't call me when those Peggies have you on your fuckin' knees," She pushes past me, going deeper into the bunker. I hear a door slam.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A smarter, more rational person would go after her, and apologize. I was neither. I huff, and say nothing to Dutch, who just sits there, the poor guy. I get into the living room area, and kick Sharky's legs down. He jumps awake, and I ask him if he's ready to go. He says yeah, and he grabs his gun. He asks where Jess is. I don't answer him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We make it ten, twenty feet away from the bunker before he starts yakking away. He's talking about how much an asshole Whitehorse is, and how fucked up the Peggies are, and how it's amazing Burke could come out of the Bliss clean like that, blah, blah, blah. I just wanted quiet, and I quickly regret taking Sharky along.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, we get to the Henbane again, and we drive around the whole day, doing odd jobs and taking out scouting parties. Sharky points out a cult stronghold. They took up the old youth camp. He tells me some gross story about the place that I don't pay attention to. We get in, kill everybody, and by the time our guns stop smoking, it's night. The sky is clear, the moon bright and the stars looking like someone had painted them on. We start a little bonfire, passing water and food between one another. I stare into the flames, and I just want to keep moving. I felt like a wild dog, still looking for my dinner. I wanted someone to pay for what my 'friends' did, and the Peggies were a good outlet. But there were none of them left, bodies rotting in shitty fire pits we've dug for them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I squeeze the plastic water bottle in my hand too tight. It's empty, and I crumple it up, throwing it into the fire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharky asks me if I'm OK.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know what came over me. I was just so, so, so angry. I pick my shit up, and I leave. I'm halfway across the camp when Sharky tries to stop me. He grabs my arm, trying to stop me. He keeps talking, talking, talking, and all it does is make me madder, madder, and madder. I shove him away. He stumbles back, and falls over, right into the dirt. I would've just kept going, if I didn't see that he hit his head. He groans, and lays there. I panic, and kneel down, trying to help him up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't touch me," He says, but real tired and raspy, "You could've just said you wanted to be alone," He sits up. I put my hand on his arm, which he shoves off, "Don't touch me, man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A lit cigarette on my face would've been kinder than hearing Sharky fucking speak to me like that, all mean and twisted and hurt. His hat has fallen off. I try to pick it up, but he snatches it out of the dirt before I can get a hold of it. He stands, and stumbles, and he pushes me away when I try to help him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can you just - this is gonna sound weird - take me back to the prison? I - I think I need to see Tracey."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I load him up in his truck, and drive him over. I attempt to get out with him, but he stops me with a hand on the wheel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think you need more time to cool off, man," He says to me, "What your buddies did sucks major, but that's their problem, not ours. Don't take it out on us," Then he leaves the car, and closes the door behind him. He limps into the front gate. I felt like an idiot, watching him go off like that, just a complete fucking fool. I didn't dare go after him. I just honked my clown nose and drove on. I think of people I could call to help me out, but Sharky was right. I was in no position to be around anybody.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A couple days pass, all blurring together into a mess. I do odd work here and there, at a couple different places, just a haze of Bliss and bullets and blood. Just the usual. Whitehorse and Tracey don't call me, but Virgil does. He needs me to help clear out the water pump station, Peggies have filled it with Bliss. They're poisoning the water source. I get to the station, clear it out, and people start to roll in to protect it all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good job, De - Aiden!" Virgil goes on my radio, "What can I offer you as thanks?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull up an empty barrel, and sit right on top of it, "Information would be great."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can hear him sweat through the radio, "Happy to help."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him what Whitehorse has told him and Tracey. He says that he knew the Peggies were bad, but he swears he didn't know they were being this extreme. I believed that's what Virgil believed. I asked him how Tracey was. He sighs super heavy, and tells me that she's didn't take it well. There was a screaming match, and she needed a day to cool off, but she's back to watching the prison, as great as she could be. He tells me Sharky's fine, too. I ask him if anyone else I usually ran with had shown up. He says no. I say, that's all I need to know, unless he's got another water pump station he needs clearing up. He says no, but the old Jessup conservatory is still claimed by the Peggies, if I'm interested in cleaning house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Turns out, I sure am. Jessup sounded familiar, and as I make my way to the conservatory, Virgil feeds me a little more information. Most of the folks in the county understand that Faith was once Rachel Jessup, and they avoided places where her memory reeked into their minds, like the conservatory. Virgil thought I'd have an advantage, since I didn't know her. I ask him how he knows her. Since Virgil used to be the mayor and all, and since Faith's family were so respected, he frequently dealt with them, at events and other gatherings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A sick part of me was eager to get my hands on what was probably holy ground to Faith Seed. I arrive, and it's a big, big place, with a couple greenhouses and a huge mansion that was covered in vines. Faith's family seemed to be well off. Had been, anyway. I wondered how much money Faith received after she killed her folks. From the size of the property, I guessed it was probably a handsome sum, siphoned right into the cult.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have these liberations down to a routine. Kill everyone, burn the supplies, call my victory in and get the county folks to start swarming. But I wanted some time alone in this great, big, mausoleum of a house, so while the Bliss flowers burned below, I went inside. The place, though stacked to the roof with supplies, was neat, and clean, like the Peggies were scared to make a mess. The floors were scuffed, but a nice - looking wood, and so were the bannisters and the stairs leading up. All the rooms were locked, but it wasn't like they were just closed off. The locks to the doors were all broken. I went outside, found an axe in the gardener's shed, and brought it back in. I chopped through those old, wooden doors. Had you gotten to me a month before, I would've hated to break through old antiques. But I wasn't that Aiden anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inside the rooms were eerily neat bedrooms, and a study, untouched by time. The bedrooms weren't all that interesting, but the study caught my attention. It was wall - to - wall bookshelves, and the tables in the center held scientific instruments, beakers and hotplates and all that good stuff. There was a chalkboard, with untouched diagrams and writings. What caught my attention were the words BLISS, and HALLUCINOGENIC.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Had I used my brain, I would've stopped to investigate the room further. But I didn't want to. I just wanted to destroy it all, wound Faith, like I thought it would. I go back out, finding a can of gasoline in the shed. It was full, lucky me. I left a trail of it, from the front door to each room to the balcony, and back out. I lit a match, and I dropped it in my trail.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've never seen a house burn to the ground so fast in my entire life. It crumbled like it was made of paper.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whoah!" Virgil goes on the radio, "I can see the smoke from the prison! Was there that many Bliss crops over there?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't respond. I hop back into my truck, and go, leaving the flames in my rearview.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What a waste. I could've gotten my hands on Faith's family's research on the Bliss, and in the right hands, we could've reverse - engineered some kinda cure, something to render the Bliss useless. But I wasn't thinking about the future. I was just thinking about the pain I wanted to cause the Seeds. I wanted to destroy, destroy, destroy. That was all I was good for. All that I am good for. Destroying things. Bloodshed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Days pass. I do odd jobs, avoid people, clean house and hunt. I thought time would cool me down. It doesn't. My friends try to contact me. I don't answer them. I become a shade of the river, staying within the boundaries, killing Peggies, burning their Bliss flowers, 'exorcising' their Angels. I liberated all of the larger strongholds, making my way through the smaller ones with an efficiency I didn't think I was capable of.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One night, I find a Peggie, all alone in the wilderness. Don't know why, or for what, and I never asked, and I never cared. He's what we called VIPs, all tatted up and carved. They bore their sins like the Father did, emulating his sick design, walking around shirtless and reeking of Bliss. I grab the poor, poor sucker. He fights, but he's scrawny, and I overpower him so easy. I have a knife on my belt, and I pull it out, dragging it under his chin. He goes quiet, real quick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wait," He tells me, "Wait."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I wait, and after he finishes peeing himself, he tells me about this bunker nearby. I'm like, what do I need this bunker for? And he goes, it's got a lot of weapons, and a lotta ammo, too. More than enough for four prisons packed of people. I tell him, well, if you're so eager to give up a Peggie stash, lead the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He does, leading me to this place nearby. I send him down into the bunker first, a gun at the ready, following right behind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And boy, was that bunker packed. Floor - to - ceiling with ammo crates, different types of guns fashioned to a mount on every wall. It was enough to keep the prison defended for months. And the Peggie goes, There, I showed you. Now can you let me go?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I just pack my gun away, and I take out my knife. I'm between him, and the exit. He could grab a gun, or any weapon around, really, to fight. But he doesn't choose to fight. He chooses to cower. He chooses to back himself up deeper into the bunker. He begs me. He begs me. He begs me. He begs me. Further and further into the bunker he goes. He's so scared, and some part of me is reached by it. I give him a quick death, a knife right into the heart, but he stares me in the eyes as he goes. I see the life drained out of him, God reclaiming another soul from the vessel. I felt nothing, because he wasn't human. He wasn't a person. He was a Peggie. And Peggies deserved to die like the animals they were.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I drag the man's bloody corpse all the way to the back wall. I take down some guns, making a space. I pick the man's body up, and use rope to hold him up, using the bars of the ceiling to keep him up there. I tie up his wrists, outstretching them from his sides, crucifying him. I dip my fingers in the blood that was pooling on the floor. I write FUCK YOU in the space above his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it's said and done, I replace my ammo, and my weapons, and go on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel the Wrath on my chest, and I wonder, maybe it wasn't just a brand of the sin John thought I had, not a moment to wear it and absolve myself. Maybe John's Confession set that sin in me free. I lost control of myself, and my greatest sin. And that great, shambling beast didn't even have to try to make me place my head right into its open maw. I did it willingly. I forced that wretched creature within to sink its teeth into me, even.</em>
</p><p>Next page is different. It looked more like a child's scribble than any of the careful, detailed portraits and scenes of before. It was drawn in red and black pen. It features a person, naked and covered in dirt, with their head in the mouth of a large, dark beast with red teeth and large, rolling eyes that are splashed across its body. The person had their fingers dug into the fur, as if pulling it down.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>A hand sticks itself over the pages of Judge's book, forcing Cap to look up. Donnie is awake. She noticed how utterly weak he looked.</p><p>"Anything good?" He asks, raspy, attempting a grin.</p><p>"Not really," Cap answers. She closes Judge's book, taking out her water jug, "Here. Have some water," She helps Donnie drink, tipping the jug up. She places the jug down when he's finished, settling back into her chair, "How're you feeling?"</p><p>"Like I got shot," He answers. He glances around, "Where's Ethan?"</p><p>"Sleeping. You want me to wake him?"</p><p>"Don't do that," Donnie insists, "Just wondering."</p><p>"Here," She stands, "Let me see what's in the kitchen. Bet you're hungry."</p><p>He nods, weakly, "A bit."</p><p>"Be right back," She says, grabbing her book and bag, walking out and to the kitchen.</p><p>From the hallway, she can smell burnt meat. The kitchen is long and wide, covered in pots and pans and spray paint. It was a complete mess, and Mickey took up one set of burners, waving away dark smoke from a pan, swearing. As Cap gets closer, she can see a black rock roasting in the center of the pan. She reaches over, shutting the gas burner off, waving smoke out of her face.</p><p>"Having trouble?" She asks.</p><p>"I'm fine," Mickey insists, "I like my meat well - done."</p><p>"Anything that Donnie can eat in here?"</p><p>"Well," She stares into the burnt remains on the stove, "Not in this pan."</p><p>Cap moves around her, to a fridge she's left open. There's a myriad of different meats, some uncovered and dripping. She makes a face, taking a neatly - wrapped package that was shoved to the side, out of the way of the others. She takes it, opening it up. It's dark red, and fresh - looking. She takes a pan, and raids some cabinets above. There's mason jars of dried up spices. She takes some rosemary, and some garlic, and a tall bottle of oil stuffed into the back. She oils up the pan, letting it simmer while she rubs spices along the meat and chops up the shriveled cloves of garlic.</p><p>Mickey hawks around, "That looks pretty good, Cap," She says.</p><p>Cap shoulders her gently, "Get outta here," She says with a smile, "Let me get Donnie something first, then I'll work on making you a real meal."</p><p>Mickey hops up onto the counter, reaching into the above cabinet for a jar filled with dried strawberries. She takes a few, popping them into her mouth, "What's our Eden doing? Shouldn't he be the one cooking for his patient?"</p><p>"Our resident physician is getting some sleep. Thought he'd at least eat first."</p><p>"Well, he didn't. He stopped in, but I think the smell of burnt meat ruined his appetite."</p><p>Cap drops the steak on the simmering pan, dropping the chopped garlic with it, "Guess you'll have to wait a little longer for dinner," She laughs when Mickey groans, "You could always learn."</p><p>"It's a handy skill, but," She pops a dried strawberry into her mouth, "I like it when you cook."</p><p>"Yeah. I'd make a great housewife," She and Mickey share a loud laugh, "God, imagine that?"</p><p>"They'd have to tie you down to keep you in the house," She wipes her hands on her pants, "You ever think about that, Cap? Being a homesteader instead of a grunt?"</p><p>"I did. Not really for me. Both my moms worked back home," One mom worked on electrical grids and made sure the water flowed clean, while the other mom worked on construction and rebuilding efforts, "Can't imagine being a homebody, staying home holding the fort down with kids or whatever while my other half worked."</p><p>"You're such a busybody."</p><p>"And what about you?"</p><p>She goes quiet. She clicks her tongue, "Haven't really thought that out just yet. I think it'd be better for me if I found a nice, quiet place to build a farm on, but I don't think I was built for that."</p><p>"So what're you built for?"</p><p>"Runnin' and gunnin', I think," She breathes in deep, "Feels inevitable. Inescapable."</p><p>"Don't say that."</p><p>"Listen, like," She waves a hand, "Like in Bucket Valley. Donnie wouldn't even be rolling with us if I could keep my mouth shut. I feel like I'm drawn to that lifestyle. High risk, but all rewards. No matter how hard I try to sit back and keep out of sight...." She trails off.</p><p>"It's all you've since you were, what, eight? Can't say I totally blame you, especially when everyone in Prosperity is a little less than friendly with you there."</p><p>"Yeah, well, not everybody was pushing me out," They both cast glances to each one another, before looking away. Cap blushes, and Mickey coughs to clear the air, "So. Homesteading. You ever think about kids, Cap?"</p><p>"Yeah, but....Not really for me. I'd have to carry that thing for nine months, with a 30% chance of kicking the bucket at any time along the way."</p><p>"I get you," Mickey agrees, "I think they're too much work. They're loud, they stink, and they're always sticky," She plucks a chunk of garlic out of the pan, popping it into her mouth.</p><p>Cap smiles, flipping the meat in the pan, "Maybe it's only the carrying that bothers me."</p><p>"How many you want?"</p><p>"Like, one or two."</p><p>"Plenty of orphans around."</p><p>"Yeah, you're right. I'd teach them how to shoot, and how to fight, and how to skin animals and do first aid, and all that fun stuff."</p><p>"Sounds like you're already doing that with Eden."</p><p>She brushes off the dig, "Speaking of Ethan...." The meat finishes cooking. She transfers it to a metal plate, "You mind bringing this to Donnie? I'm gonna go see if Ethan's awake and hungry," She pulls the plate away before Mickey can grab it, "Don't eat any of it."</p><p>"I won't! Don't you trust me?" She takes it, "Bunks are down the hall," She walks out, carrying the plate with one hand.</p><p>Cap washes her hands, leaving. She listens closely, hearing nothing of the storm outside. Must've ended. She peeks her head into the bunk room. It was wall - to - wall with bunk beds, organized in slight disarray, covered in clothes and blankets and paint. She flips a light on, bright white light illuminating the once dim room.</p><p>"Yo, Ethan," She calls, "You in here?" She waits a few seconds. There's no verbal response, but she hears a shuffle near the back of the room. She gets closer. Again, she calls him, "Ethan?" More silence, but no more shuffling. Cap shimmies between the bunks, ducking through, <em>Jesus, why are the Highwaymen like this? Can't they just keep shit organized? "</em>Is there a reason you're all the way back here?" She finds a wide break, entering through.</p><p>Ethan is pacing in an open space at the back of the room, his mother's journal open in his hands. He flips through the pages frantically, eyes flitting over words.</p><p>"Eth? Ethan?"</p><p>No answer.</p><p>She steps closer, putting a hand to his shoulder, "Eth - "</p><p>The book goes flying out of Ethan's hand. He hops a clear foot away, as does Cap.</p><p>"<em>Jesus</em>!" She exhales, "Sorry, Eth, I didn't mean to scare you," She scans his face, frowning at the misty look in his eyes, "Shit, did I get you that bad? I'm sorry - "</p><p>He clenches his teeth, "Captain, your jokes are the <em>last</em> thing I want to hear right now," He picks up his book from the floor.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>",W<em>hat happened</em>?" He mocks, "Oh, nothing, except that I'm running headfirst into a dead end!"</p><p>"What'd it say?"</p><p>"Nothing! It says nothing!" He holds the book open, "The final pages have all been ripped out!"</p><p>Cap focuses on the ruined ends of pages from the ripped spine. There was a good ten pages completely missing, "Well....Shit."</p><p>He exhales, "Yeah, shit."</p><p>"Well, whaddya think happened to 'em?"</p><p>"Who knows!" He snaps the book closed.</p><p>She stops to think, "What's the last entry say? There's probably some clue about what happened."</p><p>"It yields no answers," His voice is sharp, frustrated, "It's just a useless piece of shit - "</p><p>"Maybe you just need a different perspective," She offers gently, "The folks around the valley told me a little about the Peggies when they tried to take it over, before the collapse. Maybe I could offer a new point of view?" She holds out a hand.</p><p>Ethan sighs sharply, then passes the journal over, "I doubt you'll have better luck."</p><p>"Have some faith, Eth," She opens the book up to the final few pages. She clears her throat, "<em>January fifth. Today, the Father assigned me with a monumental task. I was praying out in the field, giving thanks to God for the path he had wanted me to follow, and the Father had walked up there to see me. He kneeled with me, and we prayed. I love him so. He took my hand, and asked me how far I would go for him. I said, until I took my last breath and beyond, Father. He looked at me so kindly, but sadly. He belayed his worried to me. He needed me, as a Prospect of Faith, to watch over John, our Baptist. This year had been most unkind to John, and he worries for his wellbeing. He wants me to observe him, and relay what I witness."</em></p><p>
  <em>"We all knew of John's cruelties. Even by our standards, he could be more sadistic than necessary. I think the Father's favor was just a ploy, a lie to save me from the truth. Deep down, The Father is concerned with John's more...ferocious activities. If the rest of The Family found out, it could shatter their trust in John. We trusted The Father, and though his brothers stand by him with conviction, some followers did not trust John and Jacob as much. I agreed, with everything I had inside me."</em>
</p><p>She stops, looking up, "So the last entry is her saying she'd spy on ol' John for Joseph."</p><p>"Yes, but knowing that she was is worth nothing if we don't know what she learned," He holds his hand out for the book back.</p><p>"Hold up," Cap holds it to her chest, "I'm giving you a different perspective, remember?" She watches Ethan sigh unhappily, then sit down on the lower bunk of a random bed. Cap continues her pacing, "So Joseph didn't trust John. He was whacked out when he was alive, so, I can see why, carving people up like that," To Cap, most of the murders the Peggies did were senseless, but it seemed to her that John Seed liked the torture. He wasn't like Jacob, or Faith, who at least tried to keep people around, however long it took to get them to take their side. John, well, had Joseph not stopped him, he would've killed the Judge, "Whatever was ripped out was probably about him."</p><p>"So, do you think John took the pages?" Ethan asks, eyes narrowing.</p><p>"That'd be the easiest answer, but....If there's a journal with dirt on me, I'd just take the whole book, wouldn't I? Why just those pages? And why leave the entry that says she was asked to spy on him?" She tilts her head, "Something's off here."</p><p>"You're telling me."</p><p>Cap looks to the back of the journal. It was mostly filled, Ethan's mother probably completing it before it was ruined. There was a single, empty page at the back, empty sheets they add to pad up space. Cap runs her fingers over the paper, feeling the indents of age - old letters.</p><p>Her eyebrows shoot up. Indents. She snaps her head to Ethan, "Hey, you have any pencils?"</p><p>Ethan looks her over, then reaches into his bag. He unrolls a set of writing instruments, grabbing a pencil. He passes it over, "What're you doing?"</p><p>"I learned this trick from a pulp mystery," She sits down on the bunk next to him, flattening the book across her thighs. She rubs the pencil over the empty page. Words appear, white in the midst of dark grey. When Cap reaches the bottom of the page, she sits back.</p><p>Before she can read anything, Ethan snatches the book out of her lap, standing up. He paces. The hard wonder in his face falls into a tight, shocked frown.</p><p>"What's it say?" Cap asks, pulling a leg up. Ethan turns his back to her. He doesn't speak. She frowns, "Eth?"</p><p>Without an answer, Ethan snaps the book closed. He holds it under his arm, running a hand over his face. He paces more, arms crossed, lost in thought. His dark eyes burn like ashes.</p><p>She asks him, again, "What's it say?"</p><p>"My mother didn't leave because of John. Or because of a new Faith candidate," He says, low and shaky, "She left because he is a liar. He lied to her, to the Family, to - to <em>me</em>," He breathes deep, putting a hand on his abdomen, "I - I think I'm gonna be sick."</p><p>Cap guides him back to the bed, sitting him down, "Easy, pal. It's OK. Deep breaths. Just relax."</p><p>He laughs, "Oh, relax?" He shoves himself away, "How am I supposed to relax knowing my father was <em>married</em>, with a <em>child</em>, while he was sleeping with my mother?"</p><p>A cold chill brushes over Cap, goosebumping her skin, turning her cheeks and neck hot and red. She gets a flicker of a memory, of Judge's book, being trapped in that cage in the Whitetails. How Joseph kneeled down and told the Judge the loss he had experienced in order to be free, and to serve God. Horrible realization comes over her. <em>It could've been Ethan. Christ, it could've been him.</em> That's why his mother left, the real reason. It wasn't just because of Faith, or because she decided the Peggies were too dangerous for a child to be around. She didn't want Joseph to find out about Ethan, and kill him, like he did his daughter.</p><p>Ethan stands, agitated, wearing a path on the floor with his walking, "He had an entire family, and nobody knew! How could nobody know? How does <em>that</em> just get - get swept under the rug?" He waves his hands, book clasped tightly in one, "She didn't know, obviously, but....But to think my mother was his mistress - "</p><p>"Ethan," Cap says softly, "I don't think Joseph had his family while he was building the Project. I'm pretty sure it was before."</p><p>"But if it was before, why does it feel like such a big revelation? His book spoke about nothing of the sort - " He shakes his head, "He reveals painful memory after memory, siphoning sympathy from <em>everyone</em>, so but why leave out such a big part? Why haven't <em>I</em> at least heard about them?"</p><p>"Ethan," Cap stands, "Let's relax here - "</p><p>"Oh, I learn that my father treated my mother like some dirty little secret, and I'm supposed to react calmly about it?" He throws his hands up, "This....This is....I - I'm - " His face drops into shock, "That...That makes me a child of an affair," He repeats it softly, "<em>An affair.</em>"</p><p>"Ethan, I told you, it was before - "</p><p>"That foolish old man broke his marriage vows, the promise he made between God and his wife - "</p><p>"It was before - "</p><p>"You keep saying that like you know! Like you were there, when we both know you weren't! You," He points at her, "Don't know <em>anything</em>!"</p><p>His harsh tone ground out against Cap's ears. She frowns, agitated, "I just know, Ethan! You think the Peggies wouldn't know their fucking pariah was married with a daughter!"</p><p>"He - " He pauses, "Who said anything about a daughter?"</p><p>Cap's adrenaline kicks in, punching through her veins, making her eyes bulge and her face turn red. <em>You're a total fucking moron. You stupid sonovabitch, you have just fucked up to almost epic proportions. Worse than anything you've ever fucking done before. Idiot!</em> She motions to him, "You just told me."</p><p>"No," Ethan says solidly, "I didn't. I didn't say anything about Joseph Seed having a daughter, I didn't say that," He rolls a tongue over his teeth, eyebrows knitting, "Why would you say that?"</p><p>Any other lie would've been better, "Rumors go around back - "</p><p>"Captain," Ethan says sharply, "Don't lie to me. We both know nobody at Prosperity talked about it. Do<em> not</em> lie to me. Who told you he had a daughter?"</p><p>Please stop making it worse you idiot, "Nobody."</p><p>His breathing turns shaky as he steps closer, "Captain," It sounded like begging, desperate and quiet, "Who told you? My father?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"<em>Who</em>?" His voice raises.</p><p>She rolls her shoulders. She pushed herself too far into the deep end. All she could do now was thrash around, and hope she didn't drown, "The Judge."</p><p>Ethan face delves into horrified shock. He steps back, "You. Are. <em>Delusional</em>."</p><p>She deflates, "Eth, c'mon - "</p><p>Another step, anger seeping out, "The Judge doesn't <em>speak</em>."</p><p>"They didn't <em>tell</em> me, they gave me this journal and - "</p><p>"You're lying. They don't write. The Father forbade it - "</p><p>"And he's not here anymore, is he?" Cap says with more venom than intended, "Without Joseph keeping them chained like a fucking dog, The Judge was free to do whatever they wanted. They gave me their journal, and it details everything the Seed family did in the valley before The Collapse. And Eth, I gotta tell ya', none of it is pretty."</p><p>"Where is it?" He snaps, "How long have you had it?"</p><p>"The Judge gave it to me the day I left with Mickey," Her hands shake, "I'm not finished with it yet - "</p><p>"<em>You've had it the whole time, and didn't even think to tell me?"</em> His voice cracks, "I've known the Judge my entire life, and I'm supposed to believe they just randomly gave you a journal that's a tell - all about my family?"</p><p>"They <em>trust me</em>, Ethan. They wanted me to read it, then share it right after I got through it. They weren't always the Judge. They were a person, who fought the Seeds - "</p><p>"Captain -  "</p><p>"They killed John, Jacob, hundreds of the Peggies - "</p><p>Ethan backs up, "You're crazy! The Judge isn't that <em>scourge</em>! They protect the Family - "</p><p>"And the Father told them that before he became the Father, he was a street preacher with a wife. And a daughter," Her voice shakes. The clear hurt, and angry shock, that passes over Ethan's face shook Cap indescribably to her core. But she can't stop, she's too deep in the waters to wade back to shore now. She steps closer, carefully, "He had the Judge caged up, like an animal, and he told them about all the loss he's suffered to get to where he was. His wife was in an accident, and was ready to pop. Doctors couldn't save her, but they saved that baby," She stops, finding the words difficult to force out, "But he said God was giving him a choice. Follow his destiny, or be a father to his little girl. And guess what he chose?" She shakes her head, "Your mom didn't leave to save any reputation of hers. She left because she didn't want you to end up dead, too."</p><p>A tear rolls down Ethan's cheek, "That wasn't your journal, was it?"</p><p>She shakes her head.</p><p>He clamors back, his mother's journal clutched tight against his chest. He knocks over a stack of supply boxes, clothes and ammo and other items falling out. He runs.</p><p><em>Oh, you've fucking done it now, Cap! Idiot!</em> She runs after him, vaulting over the boxes, only to see him push bunk beds and other objects in her way, still holding onto his mother's journal. She calls after him, but he doesn't stop. She skids in the hallway as Ethan rushes up the stairwell.</p><p>"Whoa whoa!" Mickey yells, peeking out of the infirmary, "Where's the fire?"</p><p>Cap stands, shrugging off Mickey's attempts to help her up, and rushes to the stairs. She bounds up, two at a time. Ethan is standing by the control panel of the door.</p><p>"Ethan," Cap stops dead in her tracks, "Ethan, I'm sorry!"</p><p>"You're not sorry!" He doesn't look at her, yelling and pointing indiscriminately, "You weren't sorry when you decided to lie to me! You weren't sorry to let me fool around and worry myself to death when all the answers I needed were a stones throw away!" He no longer had his mother's journal, tossed away so he could clutch the unlocking mechanism of the bunker door.</p><p>"You're right! I should've told you!"</p><p>"Yes, you <em>should've</em>!" He pulls the lever for the bunker. Alarms go off, the bunker door hissing as it slowly swings inward. Green light seeps through the tiny crack</p><p>"Ethan, think for a fucking second! Where are you gonna go? Out into the radiation storms?"</p><p>"Anywhere is better than here! I'd rather have my skin boiled off of me than spend another minute around you!"</p><p>"You'll die!"</p><p>"I don't care!"</p><p>"Cap," Mickey runs up from the stairs, "What the Hell is he doing?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm not doing anything, Mickey!" Ethan screams out, "I'm just having my entire identity as a man pulled out from under me like a fucking rug!" He hops off the control panel, running to the door.</p><p>She leans into Cap, "So, you told him about the - "</p><p>Cap holds her breath, teeth clenched, "Oh, <em>Goddamnit</em> - "</p><p>"I don't - ?" Ethan's face falls. His eyes turn to two balls of hot, burning coal in his head as he looks at Cap, "I'm - "</p><p>"Ethan - "</p><p>"You shared it with - with - " His hands clench into fists, "Oh, I get it! Yeah, bring <em>Ethan Seed</em> around if you need a good <em>laugh</em>!" He clenches his teeth, "Was I ever your friend, Cap?"</p><p>A hand crawled into Cap's chest, clenching over her heart, "Of course, Ethan! You are one of the most important people in my life - "</p><p>"Well not that important, seems like!" He points at her, "You weren't a friend to me, all you were was a sheep dog making sure I kept out of trouble," He gives her one last look, "And I don't need your pity any more," He runs outside.</p><p>Cap starts to follow, only to be grabbed by Mickey, "Jesus, Cap, don't go out there!"</p><p>"I have to!"</p><p>"To what, get yourself killed? Choir boy wants to choke to death on radiation, that's fine, but I'm not gonna let you throw your life away too!"</p><p>Cap rips herself away, "This is my fault, Mickey! If he dies - "</p><p>"He dies because he's too much of an idiot to think longer than five seconds ahead of him!"</p><p>From outside, thunder strikes. Cap shakes her head, "I'm sorry, Mickey - "</p><p>"Cap!"</p><p>Mickey continues to yell for her as Cap bounds outside, nerves on fire. A piles of dead Highwaymen were stacked by the entrance to the bunker, all dead, and reeking of ozone. Thunder cracks across the sky, like a whip. Cap slips in wet mud, bounding over bodies, "Ethan!" She nervously glances to the sky, cast in a sickly - looking green, the wind flicking her hair, "Ethan!"</p><p>Catching a wisp of dark hair, she follows through the maze. She turns right, only to find a dead end, and backtracks to the left. She yells for Ethan, keeping a nervous eye on the sky. She tries to follow the path out of the maze, only to criss and cross, finding bodies and ruined supplies. She enters a path, seeing Ethan darting his head around, confused and panicked. She calls for him.</p><p>He runs the opposite direction, "Leave me alone!"</p><p>"You're going to get yourself killed!"</p><p>"Who cares! You don't!"</p><p>"Jesus Christ, Ethan - "</p><p>He slides around a corner, finding the exit. He runs to the right, across the field and over a dirt road. Cap chases, heart beating as loud as the thunder that crosses the sky. Ethan gets the edge of the field, gets a foot into the treeline - </p><p>He disappears.</p><p>Cap doesn't stop running, calling for him. She gets to the treeline. The ground disappears from under her. She tumbles, on, and on, rocks and roots digging into her skin, scraping and catching her hair. She finally, finally, reaches the bottom. She lands on her left wrist, feeling it snap. She yells out, lying there, pained. She flicks her eyes open, the forest nothing but a mix of dark shapes against a sickly green background. A lighter blur moves into into her view, vaguely that of a person.</p><p>"Ethan...?"</p><p>An appendage like an arm raises, and drives forward, connecting with her temple.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh god oh fuck oh god oh god help HELP....</p><p>thanks for reading :o) !!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: blood, injuries</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>UH OH UH OH UH OH</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judge unconsciously touches their left hand, feeling pangs crawl up from their palm. They flex their fingers, and walk. The sun was rising in the early morning, a fog settling over the valley. They grab the lower branches of a tree, hauling themself up. They sit at the top, near where the canopy met the sky, half - hidden by browning leaves. Fall was settling in comfortably, if later than Judge expected. They stare at the outline of Prosperity, half - shrouded by fog. They shuffle and fidget at the top of the branches. They're eager, aching to go within those walls, but they're frightened, as well. Kim Rye might've recognized them, and if she didn't, no doubt Pastor Jerome relayed that they were still alive, even after all this time. But they ached, Cap's sunglasses burning a hole in their pocket. They shouldn't have taken them, all they did was cause them grief in her absence.</p><p>They climb down from the tree, sticking low to the ground. They follow the morning shadow, avoiding the sleepy guards that patrol the nearby roads. They subtly climb over the low, painted walls of Prosperity, landing as quiet as a cat on the other side. They scurried up to the main house from scaffolding that climbed up the side, sneaking in through a balcony. Just drop the items off on Kim's desk, then leave. Simple.</p><p>What they didn't expect was Carmina Rye, daydreaming on the top floor. She was curled up with a cup of something steaming hot, still groggy, sitting in a corner of the upstairs hallway that was covered in blankets and pillows to create a quiet reading, or napping, nook. When Judge entered, she blinked tiredly, then her eyes popped in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak. Judge moved a finger to their hidden mouth. <em>Sh.</em> They roll their shoulders. Maybe this was more of a blessing than a nuisance.</p><p>They reach into their pocket, taking out Cap's note, and her sunglasses. They approached Carmina, who still sat, cross - legged. They stoop down, passing them to her.</p><p>She eyes them, "Those are Cap's glasses," She says, "And her note."</p><p>Judge nods.</p><p>"You took them."</p><p>They nod again.</p><p>"So why bring them back?"</p><p>Judge can't express themself as clearly as they wanted. They circle a hand on their chest, making a claw that dug into the leather. <em>Pain</em>.</p><p>As gently as she could, Carmina takes them from Judge's hand, "Thanks," She says. She purses her lips, looking them in their eyes, "You miss her too?"</p><p>They sigh. They do miss her. Cap was the one person in the entire valley who broke them out of their tormented daze. They could never ask her for more than she's already done for them. They stand, turning to leave.</p><p>"Wait wait wait," Carmina stands, "Don't you want to at least stay for a cup of coffee?"</p><p>Coffee. Oh, even the thought of it warmed up their chest. They haven't had coffee since before the Collapse.</p><p>
  <em>Be smart about this. Don't. Just climb back outside.</em>
</p><p>They look over their shoulder, almost expectantly.</p><p>Carmina pockets Cap's items, motioning for Judge to stay put, "I'll be right back," She's gone for ten, twenty seconds, before she comes running up the stairs again with a cup in her hand. She motions to the nest of pillows and blankets, "Take a seat. Go on."</p><p>Judge does. They sit in the other corner of the reading nook, occupying the other space Carmina didn't. She passes them a cup, grinning, then staring expectantly. The coffee smells divine, warm and strong, the cup warming them through their gloves, dispelling the morning chill. And as they stare at their reflection, white on a pond of dark, they realize that they can't drink coffee through their mask. Their jaw locks. <em>Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.</em></p><p>Carmina sits down, legs crossed. She stares. She looked so much like Nick. Maybe it wasn't so obvious when she was a baby, but now that she was older, she was the spitting image of her old man. Even down to the crooked grin, excited, but anxious, like Nick was so long ago. <em>This is his daughter. My Goddaughter. Huh.</em></p><p><em>Don't be nervous,</em> Judge says to themself, <em>She's only a child. She doesn't know you. No need to be afraid.</em></p><p>They slip off their dead wooden mask, eyes darting to Carmina. Her grin only grows wider, into a smile.</p><p>"I see why Cap keeps you around," She says.</p><p>Judge huffs out a light, light chuckle. They know they look like shit. They've looked like shit for as long as Carmina had been alive, hair wild and matted, face scarred. They raise the cup to their lips, blowing away steam, sipping carefully. It was like God had spit into their cup, divine ambrosia swimming down their throat, heavy and bitter. No sugar, no milk. It was a perfect little cup of heaven.</p><p>The two sit in silence. Judge expected it to be awkward, It wasn't. It was comfortable, almost safe.</p><p>"<em>Soooo</em> - " Carmina says quietly, "What've you been doing while Cap's been gone? Killing Highwaymen?"</p><p>Judge nods. That was their most recent endeavors, anyway. The ones that didn't involve them having complete meltdowns.</p><p>She nods in response, "Cool," She goes quiet. After a few moments, she takes out Cap's goodbye letter, "You wanna hear my theory on where Cap is, Judge?"</p><p>They shrug, sipping quietly. If the coffee wasn't so hot, they would've gulped the thing down.</p><p>"I think she did go with Mickey on her own. I really don't think she was kidnapped. She and her were, y'know...."</p><p>They raise an eyebrow. <em>Know....?</em></p><p>Carmina narrows her eyes, "She and Mickey were seeing each other."</p><p><em>Oh. Right.</em> Judge rolls their eyes. Of course, Cap would be charmed by the promise of wild adventure with a beautiful woman by her side. Unsurprising. Judge knew a little too intimately about the two's relationship, since they had accidentally barged in on a lip - locked forest patrol. They didn't exactly approve, Mickey being, well, <em>Mickey</em>, but Cap was happy, and Cap was smart. She wasn't one to let herself be played so easily. However, Judge was surprised Mickey didn't manage to leave without detection, as crafty and closed - off as she was. She always seemed to have her ducks lined up, even though some may have been poised upsidedown. She was hyperintelligent, and without the muscle of her twin next to her, her engineering expertise seemed to shine brighter than anyone expected.</p><p>"And you know what else?"</p><p>
  <em>Hm?</em>
</p><p>"I think Ethan went with them," She shuffles closer, "I think Mickey and Cap were gonna leave without him, but he caught on. We were missing three sets of camping equipment when we checked stock that morning. And Timber has always been partial to him. I think it's too much of a coincidence to say that they all left for different reasons."</p><p><em>So. That's where he went.</em> Again, unsurprising. Ethan was defanged and weak now that he was out of New Eden. He was nothing without Cap. Judge cringes. Maybe that was too harsh. It was more like they'd built a relationship together, and Ethan, being the shuttered, emotionally - stunted man he was, imprinted on the first person who showed him any kindness. He'd hate to be left behind. And they were aware of the more - than - friendly relationship between them, too. It almost made them sick to think about. Cap, being so buddy - buddy with a Seed. <em>Ugh.</em></p><p>Carmina wrinkles her nose, "Me too. He's so....So...." She purses her lips thinking of the word.</p><p>They flap a hand, mimicking talking.</p><p>"Yeah. <em>Annoying</em>. He thinks he knows everything."</p><p>They smile crookedly.</p><p>"He seems so mad all the time, but Mickey? Mickey just....She's just so sad. Sometimes I look in her eyes, and she looks real empty."</p><p>They nod. Mickey may have flourished on a practical level, but emotionally, she just wasn't there half the time. Judge can count on one hand the number of times they'd been greeted by her. </p><p>"You know what, Judge?" Carmina says, "I think my parents are still wrong about New Eden. I think you're all good people who just - "</p><p>Before Judge knows it, they've clamped a hand over Carmina's mouth. They stare hard at her. They shake their head, slow, voice scratchy.</p><p>"Peggies. Not. Good. Peggies. Bad," Their throat burns. They pull their hand back, and move farther from Carmina.</p><p>She shows off a thin line of a mouth, "Peggies. Bad," She copies.</p><p>They nod. <em>Good</em>, "You," They point, "Stay. Away. Eden," They cough, "Bad."</p><p>"Bad," She pauses, "Hold on," She disappears, then reappears with an old notebook and a pen, "You know how to write, right?"</p><p>They hold out a hand, taking the pen and notebook. They open up the notebook across their knees.</p><p>"So why," Carmina sits back down, "Are they bad? All people do is give me vague answers, or tell me to forget about it. Pastor Jerome is a little more open, but it's like it hurts him to remember."</p><p>Judge tightens their fingers on the pen. <em>Most of the older folks were lucky to survive what the Peggies did to them</em>, Judge writes, <em>Everyone you see alive today is ten percent of who the Peggies didn't capture and torture, or kill.</em></p><p>"So....Why?"</p><p>
  <em>Religious frenzy. Mob mentality. Scared people just trying to make it to tomorrow, failed by our government, by our society. People who felt they were wronged and needed a place to find purpose. They were led by the Seed family, finding compassion and leadership when nobody else offered it.</em>
</p><p>"Joseph Seed, and his brothers, and his sister," She nods, "I know that much," She leans over more, "I heard his family was murdered horribly."</p><p><em>They were,</em> Judge scratches out, <em>Deserved it.</em></p><p>Carmina shifts, "Aren't you a cultist, too?"</p><p><em>Not until,</em> Judge pauses, then scratches the line out before Carmina can read it. <em>Doesn't matter. I hated the Seeds. Glad they're dead. They were bad people, and everyone they touched were tainted, too.</em></p><p>"Well, I think you're alright, Judge."</p><p>
  <em>You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I've done in my life.</em>
</p><p>"I didn't meet you until I met Cap," Carmina says, "Whatever you did before doesn't matter to me. Not really."</p><p>
  <em>Peggies carved your dad up. I watched them do it, right after they scarred me. They tried to burn your house down with your mom inside. You may not have lived it, but it's your history. And it's bad history. Peggies are monsters. They're all rotten to the core, every single one.</em>
</p><p>"Did...." She draws her knees up, "Did you scar my dad, Judge?"</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>"So how were you there?"</p><p>Judge pauses. <em>I escaped.</em></p><p>"Pastor said they killed everyone besides John Seed. There was him, my dad, Mary May Fairgrave, and...." She picks her head up, staring straight into Judge's face, "And my Godparent."</p><p>Feeling as though they had walked straight into a spider's web, Judge bounces up, knocking over their mug of coffee, spilling it all over the floor, notebook and pen falling away. They rip the door open, running outside. They vault over the balcony, rolling in the grass. People were around, and they stopped in surprise, letting out gasps and yells. Judge bounds for the Prosperity walls. The guards, now turning their attention to the commotion, train their weapons on them.</p><p>Instead of going up and over the wall, Judge focuses on the brand in the middle of their back. Their vision turns pink. They barrel through the gate, wood splintering, feeling none of the impact. They haul ass downhill, following the river. They avoid an oncoming dirt bike, just managing not to knock it completely over. Tears sting their eyes. They weren't ready. They weren't ready, and they knew they weren't ready, but being alone hurt so much, it was better to selfishly dip themself into situations, and then disappear like a ghost. Or, it was supposed to be easier.</p><p>They run, and run, and run, not looking back, sticking to the water. They run, all the way to the East, all the way past the broken, dead trees that surrounded the valley. They scrambled to the top, to the omitted roots of a large, greyed oak. They thrust their hands into the base, pulling the roots apart, creating space. They nestle into the space they dug, gloves dusted with dry dirt, knees curled up to their chest. They wished for the ground to swallow them up, for the roots to dig into their skin and reclaim them into the earth, mind and body whole. This was a mistake, this was all one, big mistake.</p><p>They cover their face with their hands, crying, forgetting that they left their mask behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  -</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The harsh, screeching of metal against metal jolts Cap awake. Everything about her body stings and sears, from legs to head. She shifts, eyes still closed, moving her right hand. Her right hand, however, stays still. She jerks again, and it doesn't move, a chain rattling. Her eyes flick open, surroundings blurry, a mess of darkness and flame coloring whatever they could touch. She yanks her arm, wrist held back by a shackle and chain. She slides her left hand across the ground, sharp, white - hot pain jolting up her arm. She stares down, fire flicking off red, wet skin. Her hand was crooked on her wrist, bone showing through. She attempts to move her fingers, feeling nothing. She takes quick, short breaths. <em>That's broken. That's definitely fucking broken!</em></p><p>And a worse thought crosses her mind. She, through sheer will, clenches her teeth, and is able to flip her broken hand over with little more than a hiss. The brand of the Gift is scarred over in her palm. <em>I can't use my Gift. I can't use my Gift!</em></p><p>She blinks away the blurriness in her eyes, looking around, panicked. As far as she could see in, she's stuck in the back of a large room with a high ceiling, lined with cages, rusted and old. Some were covered in tarps, some were upside, crooked, but they were all empty. No sign of any other living person. No sign of Ethan.</p><p>Cap is, immediately, struck with an intense guilt and worry that chews her from the inside. They wouldn't be here if not for her. And for all she knows, Ethan could be dead. She shakes away the thought. She couldn't think like that. She had to believe he was out there still, if not safe, at least alive. She takes a deep breath, looking ahead. Straight across from her is a menacing, iron door with bars on the small viewing window. She looks at the chain around her good wrist. The cuff looked strong, but the metal chain looked weak. She tugged a few times, flakes of rust falling off.</p><p>Shadows pass over the barred viewing window of the door. Voices mutter, metal clangs. There's the distinct sound of keys being fumbles with. Cap freezes. The door ahead of her swings open. People, a group of four, walk in. Fire flickers off of them, lighting up ruined, patchwork leather and equipment, and scarred faces with their hoods up. Cap eyes all of them as they reach torches and barrels, throwing firewood in, lighting the room brighter. The last ones to walk into the doorway is a woman, tall and skinny with dark red hair, one eye covered with a strip of black leather, and the other, Ethan. He didn't look any worse than Cap had seen him last, besides a rip in the sleeve of his shirt, and dirt on his bandages. He looked whole, but nervous. He stood close to the woman, staring at Cap.</p><p>The woman elbows him, "Go ahead, kid."</p><p>Ethan hesitates, then walks forward. Cap jerks forward, stopped by her chained - hand and pain. He slides on his knees, cupping her face.</p><p>"Ethan, I'm so sorry, I'm so, <em>so</em> sorry," Cap starts, whispering frantically, "I should've just told you when Judge gave me the journal, I shouldn't have lied - "</p><p>"Captain, it's - "</p><p>"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me - "</p><p>"Can we hurry this up?" The woman asks, stepping closer, "I've got some other business to take care of."</p><p>Ethan looks down, at Cap's hand, "Let me look," She moves over, him moving to her hand. She hisses when his fingers brush over her bloody skin. He presses down lightly on her brand, but instead of her vision going gold and adrenaline pumping through her, all that passed through her veins was hot, hot pain. Her teeth snap together, suppressing a painful groan. He frowns deeper, whispering, "Your Gift is - "</p><p>"I know - "</p><p>He runs a hand through his hair, "<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>"So," The woman paces closer, "What's the situation?"</p><p>"Broken wrist," Ethan says ruefully, looking up.</p><p>She tuts, "Oh, a broken wrist? That's not good. You're a junior sawbones, right, kid? How long does it usually take to heal a broken wrist?"</p><p>"Eight weeks."</p><p>"Eight weeks," The woman parrots, "That's eight weeks too long, kid. Highwaymen won't take her."</p><p>"She's strong. If it heals properly, she'll be the strongest of everyone. And she's still got one good hand. She can make it," Ethan says, adamantly.</p><p>Cap snaps her eyes to him, "What is she talking about?"</p><p>"Slavers, Captain," He quietly says.</p><p>Her blood runs cold. She glances around at the people - slavers - in the room. They all seemed distracted, leaning against the stacked cages and studying their boots, bored by the exchange. She looks up to the woman, who Cap had already guessed was the slaver boss. She clenches her good hand into a fist, "What do you want?"</p><p>"Uhm," She makes a face, "Bodies? Isn't it obvious?" She crosses her arms.</p><p>"Captain," Ethan warns quietly, "Don't - "</p><p>"We have a cache of scrap we left behind to escape the storm. It's worth more than the two of us combined, I swear - "</p><p>"Kid," The slaver captain says, "If we dealt with scrap, we'd be mechanics out in Hell's Edge. We deal strictly in supplies with the Highwaymen. We give them you, to till their farmlands and make their bullets and guns, and they give us mask filters, food, and water. That's the real currency around here," She kneels down, "I'm Scarlet, by the way, and me and my friends are the most efficient slavers around," There's a quiet round of agreement from the party behind her, "But, unfortunately for you, you're not fit to be a farmhand," She pouts, "Kinda a shame. You do look pretty strong," She stands, moving her coat to expose a gun on her hip.</p><p>Tears sting in her eyes, mourning herself, and Ethan, who was going to face a fate much worse than the bullet Scarlet was going to put into her head. She mourns for Mickey, and Donnie, who still waiting for them to return. Who knows what would happen now. Donnie was still injured. Mickey would have to go on the journey herself. She'd never know what happened to them. She'd never know just how important she was to Cap, even after all the pain they caused one another. Cap thinks of the Judge, how she never got to finish their book, how she left Prosperity and never even got to say goodbye to anybody, she didn't even -</p><p>She doesn't move as Scarlet draws her weapon. It's a clean, silver revolver with an engraved ivory handle. That was something, at least. Dying to a good - looking gun.</p><p>"You're free to say goodbye to one another, or kiss, or whatever," She says, nudging Ethan with a muddy boot.</p><p>Ethan holds Cap's hand in his lap. He scans the ground, thinking, obviously. But Cap didn't think he needed to think. They were stuck. There was nothing they could do.</p><p>She sighs through her nose, "I'm sorry I brought you here, Eth," She says, "You would've been OK if you stayed in Prosperity. You wouldn't be here, that's for sure."</p><p>Ethan's mouth parts, eyes starting to go wet. He shakes his head, still looking down.</p><p>She wishes he'd look at her, "At least don't be mad at me, alright? I did what I thought was best for the Judge. I wasn't thinking about you," He still doesn't look up. She purses her lips, "C'mon, man, <em>look at me, for fuck's sake</em> - "</p><p>"Alright, I think that's enough," Scarlet pulls the hammer of her gun back. Cap looks up, meeting her one eye, which was as dark as night in the shadow of the fires.</p><p>"<em>Wait</em>," Ethan croaks out, "Wait. Wait. Wait."</p><p>"Yeah?" Scarlet loosens a bit, "What?"</p><p>"You don't take scrap," He says, "But how about people?"</p><p>Cap stares at him. There were no other people with them, besides....</p><p>Besides....</p><p>"How many?"</p><p>"One."</p><p>The sadness inside of Cap rushes into anger. She jerks her good hand, "Ethan, don't you dare - "</p><p>"She knows her way around a bodyshop. She could put together a car, and take it apart just as fast. Much more valuable than two farmhands," He looks up, then lets go of Cap's bad hand, standing.</p><p>Scarlet gives him an amused once - over, "I mean, we could always use mechanics around," She puts her gun away, crossing her arms, "And where's she?"</p><p>Cap pulls, "Don't you <em>fucking</em> dare - "</p><p>"She's in that bunker....What is it, Skid Row? She's inside."</p><p>"She's Highwaymen?" Scarlet laughs, "Kid - "</p><p>"She <em>was</em>, Highwaymen," Ethan says, "Was. Not anymore."</p><p>"A defector?" Scarlet tilts her head, "Mm....You <em>might</em> be convincing me."</p><p>"She's not Highwaymen," Cap spits out, "She was never with them, he's <em>lying</em>, he's lying to you, <em>don't</em> - " She scrambles for some sort of voice in the deal.</p><p>Scarlet ignores her, "What's her name?"</p><p>Ethan takes a deep breath, "Mickey."</p><p>"Fuck you!" Cap kick a leg out, just out of reach of Ethan, "After everything she's fucking done? You're gonna sell her out, just like that?" No matter how loudly she screams, Ethan doesn't look at her, and it makes her see red.</p><p>Scarlet glances at Cap, mouth twitching into a thin smile, "Mickey seems to be a popular name these days - "</p><p>"It's not," Ethan states, "It's the same and only Mickey you and I are aware of."</p><p>She looks back at him. There's complete, utter silence from her. Then she laughs, "Oh, kid, you almost got me that time," The crew around her lets a nervous chuckle pass, "Twins were killed by a bunch of farmers out West - "</p><p>"They weren't," He says, cool and calm, "Lou was, but Mickey was spared," He motions to himself, then Cap, "We're helping her go to Michigan, to find her mom."</p><p>That gets a soft murmur through the room. The smile on Scarlet wavers, eye widening, "Not a lot of people know the Twins' mom's in Michigan. How do you know that?"</p><p>"She told us," Ethan says, "She wanted to go East to find her. They're the only family each other has," He shakes his head, "Look, she's either there, or she's not, but I swear on our lives that she is."</p><p>"Is there anyone else there?"</p><p>"No. It was just us three - "</p><p>"You're such a bastard," Cap croaks out, throat sore from yelling, "You're just a whole fucking bastard." </p><p>He keeps his back to her, "Our lives for hers. I'd say that's more than fair."</p><p>Scarlet overlooks him again. She puts an arm around his shoulders, at least a head taller than him, "I think we need to have a more in depth chat, kiddo."</p><p>"Sure," He says, "Whatever you want."</p><p>They walk forward, Scarlet leading, her crew following. Cap, empty and powerless, kicks out a leg.</p><p>"You better hope they don't find her!" She yells, pulling as far as she can go, "Because once I'm out of here, you better start fucking running, Ethan! <em>Ethan!</em> Fucking get back here!"</p><p>He doesn't look back as the door slams shut behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey picks up Cap's tattered red trucker cap. It was covered in mud.</p><p>
  <em>Cap, you no - good Goddamn fucking piece of shit motherfucking idiot fuck -</em>
</p><p>She bunches the hat in her hands. She was forced to close the bunker door, and wait out the half hour of the radiation storm, before coming back out and spending another thirty searching. She peers over the edge of a steep, steep hillside. She found Cap's hat hanging off the edge, and didn't see even a guess of either of her travelling companions at the bottom. She carefully treads down the hillside. She looks around. She didn't see anyone in the trees, not even a body, not even a hair of Cap, or Eden.</p><p>Immediately, Mickey is overcome with rage. It swallows her whole, settling in her chest, crawling up into her brain to grasp it tight. <em>Fuckin' Eden.</em> If he hadn't come along, they'd be in Michigan by now. They wasted enough time waiting for him to wrestle his own personal demons. And worse of it all, every waking second of this whole trip turned to walking on eggshells so Eden's explosive temper didn't level the forests around them. <em>Oh, Eden got hurt? Let me just baby him for a little bit. Oh, Eden's in a bad mood? Let me just center him around my whole day to cheer him up. Oh, Eden runs out into a radiation storm? Let me just run after him and get myself killed too -</em></p><p>She shakes her head. <em>She's not dead, thudfuck</em>. She bends down in the muddy dirt, seeing tracks. They looked like bootmarks, way too many to be only two people, and drag marks that dipped into the mud, like someone had drug a body. But, there was no blood, so that was a good sign. Depending.</p><p>But, confused, Mickey touches the tracks. Slavers weren't crazy enough to be hunting in the middle of radiation storms. She looks around, and her eyes catch a stray scrap of fabric that hung from a low branch, and a scatter of broken twigs on the forest floor. She rips it off the branch, holding up a dark green scrap of canvas. She inspects it, eyes following the painted white image of a ram's skull.</p><p>Her blood runs cold.</p><p>Mickey claws her way back up the steep, rooted hill, running to the bunker. She runs to Donnie's room, and, seeing that he's asleep, kicks his bed. He jolts awake. Timber, who was asleep over his legs, jumps up. He barks once, then sits.</p><p>"Whazza - ?" He flinches, holding his arm, "Shit. What?"</p><p>"Cap and Eden were kidnapped by Scarlet's runners."</p><p>Donnie's face drops, "<em>What</em>?" He vomits out question after question.</p><p>Mickey bunches up Cap's hat nervously, "She and Ethan got into some sort of argument, he ran, she followed, but Scarlet's crew was prowling the fields looking for stragglers who escaped the storms," Scarlet was thirty six, and the meanest slaver this side of the country. She ran with a small team, but they were powerful, and efficient. She was brutal when she needed to be, and wasn't above killing just because she wanted to.</p><p>"How do you know it's Scarlet?"</p><p>"This," She waves the fabric scrap she found, and tosses it to him.</p><p>It lands in his lap. He picks it up, "Oh, what the fuck - "</p><p>"I know - "</p><p>"What're we gonna do?"</p><p>"You mean what am <em>I</em> gonna do."</p><p>Donnie stares at her, "You aren't thinking of trying to - ?" He shakes his head, "You are gonna get yourself killed - " He sits up too quickly, and bites out a yell, clutching his shoulder.</p><p>"And you think you're gonna be any help?" She waves at him, "You can barely sit yourself up!"</p><p>"But alone, Mickey? That's suicide!"</p><p>"I have to - "</p><p>"Cap has that - that thing, doesn't she? That Gift? She's survived you and Lou, and all the crazy shit you were doing in the valley. They probably got to Ethan first, and she's playing possum to get them to take her to him - "</p><p>"You don't understand - "</p><p>"I do understand, Mick, I do - "</p><p>"You couldn't fucking understand if I smacked you in the motherfucking <em>head</em> with it," She stomps out of the room.</p><p>"Hey!" Donnie yells after her. She makes it down the hallway, and to the stairs, when Donnie is able to gather his strength to get up and leave his bed. He grasps the doorway, "Mickey!"</p><p>"Go back to bed, Donnie! This'll take a few hours," She already knew where the stronghold was, just two miles down the road. She places a foot on the first step - </p><p>Clunk. Something light, but solid, hits her in the back of her head. She looks down, seeing some empty, plastic canteen clattering on the ground. She twists around, surprised.</p><p>"You're gonna get yourself killed!"</p><p>She blinks. Donnie never talked back to her. Donnie wasn't bold. Donnie never did anything even close to bold in his life. He waddles down the hallway, one hand on the wall to support himself, Timber at his heels.</p><p>"You've been to that stronghold. I've been to that stronghold. It's a fucking fortress! Nobody gets in, nobody gets out, and you sure as Hell aren't gonna survive it alone," He gets closer, a foot away from her, "You're going to die if you try to break in."</p><p>"You really piss me off, you know that?"</p><p>"Yeah, get mad that I'm right," He holds his bad arm against his chest, "But we know what Cap is capable of. She can make it out."</p><p>"Eden is in there too, y'know," She crosses her arms.</p><p>He frowns, "We both know he's not like Cap, Mick. I'm worried about him, but he's with her. She'd never let anything happen to him. We can't panic," He exhales, shaking his head, "We can't panic."</p><p>"Fine. You can sit down here and write some tales like some hermit bard or whatever while Scarlet sells them off to a bullet farm," She climbs up the stairs. The foyer still slightly smells of ozone. She starts collecting some things. Her weapons, ammo, a small back of snacks just in case it went longer than she wanted, and a water jug. She zips up her bulletproof vest, and notes how, for as expensive as it was, it did total jack shit for Donnie, since the bullet completely hit him square in the shoulder.</p><p>While she's strapping on her gasmask, Donnie comes up the stairs, "I can't stop you - "</p><p>"Yeah, you can't," Mickey walks over to the control panel.</p><p>"But," He says weakly, "Can you at least take Timber?" Donnie motions to him, who's climbed up the steps, and stood still at the top.</p><p>"I can handle it," Mickey pulls the lever, "And I can't scale walls with a dog."</p><p>"But he can help you track her down!" He yells over the door alarms, "That place is huge, you'll be there all night searching alone!"</p><p>"But it'll be easier for me to look without having to worry about keeping track of a dog," She walks to the open space the door left, "And I'd feel bad if I left you alone without some company."</p><p>Donnie sighs through his nose unhappily, "Mickey - "</p><p>"I'm not coming back without Cap, Don," She says, "She'd do the same for me, and I'm not about to let her end up in a bullet farm because she was busy playing nursemaid to Mr. Brooding - And - Mean."</p><p>"Can - "</p><p>"And don't worry, I'll make sure to bring back your boyfriend, too."</p><p>He frowns, "Mick - "</p><p>"See ya', Don!" She steps outside, "Don't let any strangers in while I'm gone!"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Kim Rye stares so hard at the war table that she's sure it'll burn a hole through it. She's surrounded by people, the ones who were part of the Resistance, right before the Collapse happened. Her, her husband, Pastor Jerome, Hurk, Sharky, Grace Armstrong, and Carmina. Nick paces, the dead wooden mask of the Judge in his hands.</p><p>"I still don't believe it. It can't be them. Aiden hated the Peggies, they'd <em>never</em> shack up with them!"</p><p>"Didn't you hear what the Pastor said?" Grace says coldly, "It's them. The Judge is our deputy."</p><p>But Nick, unconvinced, waves her off, "This doesn't make sense."</p><p>The Pastor leans forward from his arm chair, "I never forget a face, Rye. It was them."</p><p>"I don't want to disrespect our pastor," Sharky says, cradling Blade, "But if it was Aiden, I'd think they'd come right for us, wouldn't they?"</p><p>"Yeah," Hurk agrees, "Our best bro wouldn't abandon us for those hippies."</p><p>"I don't know about abandon," Grace says, "Something had to happen that kept them there."</p><p>Sharky shifts, "Yeah. Maybe they're Blissed - up."</p><p>A soft murmur passes through the room. Nobody felt comfortable with the idea of their friend, their comrade in arms, was lobotomized. It was an unjust end to a life spent trying to save all of them.</p><p>But Carmina shakes her head, "No, no, they didn't look like they were on anything. They looked normal. They didn't speak too much, but they were coherent."</p><p>"What'd they smell like?" Nick asks, "Like flowers?"</p><p>"Like dirt," She pauses, "A little bit of blood."</p><p>"Did they smell bitter?"</p><p>"I don't think so - "</p><p>"Well <em>think</em>, Carmina!" Nick snaps.</p><p>"I don't know! It's the first time I've even been within arm's reach of them!"</p><p>"Easy," Grace steps up, putting a hand out to Nick, "No need to yell at her," She looks to Kim, "You've been quiet, Kim. What do you think?"</p><p>Kim picks her head up. She scans the faces around her, "It's them," She says. She knew it the moment she looked into their eyes the morning Cap went missing. Nobody had that same deep sea green, and nobody else had a panicked, adrenaline - fueled glare like they did, either.</p><p>"So, what do we do?" Grace asks, "They're not exactly easy to find."</p><p>"Seventeen years with the Peggies," Sharky says, "I think that beats Hurk's hide - and - seek championship title."</p><p>"Ten days, thank you very much."</p><p>"Do we even want them here?" Nick goes, "They're a Peggie now.  Where were they when the Highwaymen were tearing the valley up? Too busy playing house with the Family - "</p><p>"I think you're being too harsh," Jerome says, "Something obviously had to happen between the Collapse, and when the cult emerged from their bunkers."</p><p>"But why only them?" Grace says softly, "Where's Joey? What about Pratt, and Whitehorse?"</p><p>"Didn't they run off to Dutch's bunker?" Hurk says, "I think I heard him on the radio when the world went kablooey."</p><p>"If they did, where's Dutch?"</p><p>More murmuring, offered questions, and theories, half - baked and left to hang unanswered in the air. Kim looks back down at the notebook Carmina had let the Judge use. It looked like Aiden's handwriting, even all these years later. She furrows her brows.</p><p>"What was the Judge doing here in the first place, Carmina?"</p><p>She reaches into her pockets, "They wanted to give me Cap's note, and her sunglasses, back," She takes them out, placing them on the table.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Carmina motions to her chest, in the same way she watched the Judge do, "They miss her."</p><p>Jerome picks up the sunglasses, studying them, "They do seem close."</p><p>"But why her?" Nick asks.</p><p>"So," Carmina counts on her fingers, "She brought back Joseph Seed, killed plenty of Highwaymen, made peace with the New Edeners, rescued just about everyone in this room more than once from Highwaymen sieges, killed the Twins....Twin, got Ethan out of their hair and out of New Eden, she saw Joseph Seed kill himself, it seems like every time she's out on patrol, she calls them up to patrol with her, and now that she's gone," She pauses, "They're lonely."</p><p>"Well," Jerome leans back into his chair, "Their behavior didn't start getting odd, well, odder, until she left. We're seeing more of them without her than we ever did with her," He folds the sunglasses back up, placing them on the war table, "And Carmina brings up a fact we all forgot. Joseph Seed is dead. Without him being a constant in their life, they're able to be themself again."</p><p>"Thing is, if they're turning back to our Aiden," Grace says, "Who knows what they're capable of."</p><p>"They could snap," Sharky points out, "If Joseph's gone, they could enact some revenge on the Peggies."</p><p>"But do we really need that? More bloodshed?"</p><p>"And if Judge goes crazy and starts killing them," Carmina points out, "The people of New Eden might think it's us, and we all end up targets."</p><p>Kim rounds her table, "Hold on. Let's not start talking about another civil war here. I lived through two, I'm not looking for a third."</p><p>"But Aiden...Judge...Whatever they are now," Sharky bounces Blade on his knee. He was getting so big now, just turned one, "They're a step above dangerous right now."</p><p>"An unknown. An unstable variable," Jerome says, "They slip in and out like a ghost. That Gift they use makes me worry even more."</p><p>"What if they snap, and come after us?" Sharky says, "You saw that gate. That's a whole foot of wood they rammed through!"</p><p>But Kim takes the notebook, pacing with it, "I'm still not convinced that they're dangerous. Cap left, and she took whatever friendship she had with them with her. I think Carmina's right. They're lost, and lonely, and they're looking for someplace to lick their wounds," She reads <em>They were bad people, and everyone they touched were tainted, too,</em> "Someone to help them."</p><p>"How are we going to help them?" Hurk asks.</p><p>Kim rolls her shoulders, picking her head up, "I have an idea. But I need everyone to be OK with it."</p><p>"I'm in," Sharky says, automatically.</p><p>"Me too," Hurk raises his hand.</p><p>"You had me at I have an idea," Grace says.</p><p>Carmina, and Jerome both nod and murmur their agreements. Every pair of eyes in the room looks to Nick. He's leaning against the fireplace, eyes hidden by his hat, staring at Judge's mask.</p><p>"Babe," Kim goes, "We need you for this."</p><p>He sighs heavily, pushing away from the fireplace, "Fine. What needs to be done?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>short chapter ths time but I wanted to make the next one, really long so : )</p><p>thanks for reading :)!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: gore, broken bones</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lol........oh my god help me......</p><p>thnx for reading :)!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink.</em> Cap follows the rhythm of her chain as she tugs at it. She's been at it for an hour now. She thought it'd be broken by now.</p><p>She feels so stupid. She feels like the biggest, dumbest, most idiotic, craziest bitch in the entire world. She gave Ethan Seed his second chance, and he took it and spit it back in her face. It would've been better if he just let Scarlet put a bullet in her head.</p><p>In retrospect, she should've seen this coming. Ethan probably didn't want Cap dead, but he wanted to hurt her, and given that Cap was more well - versed in the Seed family history than even he was, he probably wanted it to sting. Where else would she be hurt the most? Everyone knew Cap was as loyal as a dog. You fucked with her friends, you fucked with her.</p><p>She wasn't worried about dying anymore. All she was worried about was getting to Mickey before Scarlet and her slavers could. Highwaymen were brutal to defectors and traitors. Given that Mickey was a Twin, the torture that would follow would be carnage. It would be <em>Hell</em>. Cap couldn't let that happen. <em>Nobody</em> deserved that.</p><p>She pulls her restraint. She doesn't even care about her broken wrist anymore. She could deal without having her Gift. She killed hundreds of Highwaymen way before she ever received it from Joseph Seed. This was just a bump in the road for her. One extra obstacle she had to get over. She could do it. She had to. Good thing she's a righty.</p><p>As Cap pulls at her cuff, she hears the distant sounds of metal clanging. She absently looks at the empty cages around her. For a bunch of slavers, they didn't seem to have any stock around.<em> Gotta remember to take a look around. If there's people here, it wouldn't be right to leave them behind. </em>And, she was hopeful that any rescued people will be appreciative, and help her out.</p><p>She stares ahead, just as a shadow passes over the door. The door opens, and Ethan pokes his head in, followed by one of Scarlet's crew, brooding and broad. He stands by the door as Ethan walks forward, a medical kit held against his chest. He stops a foot away from her, just out of kicking distance. Cap stares at him with hate, hoping that her gaze would burn holes into him.</p><p>"Scarlet is allowing me to tend to your wrist before it gets infected," He says calmly.</p><p>Cap rips her eyes away, staring at the guard. He was leaned up against the door, staring at the ground, looking as bored as one could be. Ethan takes this as a go - ahead, which is wasn't, and kneels down by Cap's bad hand. Cap feels tight in her own skin, rage boiling over, but unable to act. She wanted to hurt him so, <em>so</em> badly. He takes her hand, gentle and caring, then resets the bone. Cap yells out, tugging her restraints.</p><p>"It'll be alright," Ethan says.</p><p>"<em>Fuck you</em>," Cap spits.</p><p>He pauses, then continues, "You're mad."</p><p>"I'm fucking <em>furious</em>, Ethan. How could you do this?"</p><p>He responds with a shrug, not looking up from the wrist he's bandaging. He takes a bottle of pills from the kit, pouring one in his palm. He holds it up for Cap to take. She leans forward, taking it, then spits it out into the dirt.</p><p>Ethan frowns, "You're supposed to take it."</p><p>"I'm not taking anything," She bites out stubbornly.</p><p>He eyes her, then continues to bandage her wrist.</p><p>She leans as close as she could to him, "I should've left you in the Prosperity - No, no I should've left you back with <em>New Eden</em>, let <em>them</em> handle you."</p><p>Hurt crosses Ethan's face, but he buries is along with a sigh, "You'll understand, Captain - "</p><p>"I already understand, Eth, I understand perfectly fuckin' well," She stopped registering the pain that shot up her arm, grinding her molars to dust, "Everyone I know thinks I'm crazy because I gave you a second chance. Kim and Nick Rye always told me to be careful around you, since you're a Seed and all."</p><p>He slows.</p><p>"And they were right. I should've been careful. I wasted a year of my fucking life thinking I could help you. But you're fuckin' rotten, Eth. Self - serving, cruel, and a fucking <em>asshole</em>. Just like the rest of your family."</p><p>He finishes quickly. He keeps his eyes down, but Cap can clearly see the pure, blitzing hurt in him, his eyes misty. She doesn't care. He could break down in tears, and she wouldn't care. He takes the first aid kit, standing without another word to her. He goes to the guard, quickly asking him to move.</p><p>"Hey!" Cap calls after him, "You can fix my fuckin' hand, but you better make sure you keep the other one tied behind my back! If they get their hands on Mickey, I'm not leaving without her! You'll wish Scarlet just put a bullet in my head!"</p><p>The door swings open, and Ethan slips out, the slaver slamming it shut behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>By the time Judge can pick themself out of that nest of roots, it's night. Clouds block the sky and the stars, casting everything in the dark. They shrug away from the earth that held them, dirt clinging to their clothes. They slide down the hillside, back to the deep, running river of the Henbane. But, the patterns were so different now. It didn't run the same as it did seventeen years ago.</p><p>They were so tired of the past. Of thinking about it, of reliving it, every day. They just wanted it all to <em>stop</em>.</p><p>They crouch by the river shore, seeing their reflection. Their hair was so long, and so matted. They take out their knife,  sawing through. Matted knots and damaged ends fall into the river, and with each chunk they carve out of their head, the lighter they feel. They stare into the water, their reflection showing uneven, messy hair that stuck up at odd places. <em>Good enough</em>. It wasn't supposed to look <em>good</em>, it was just supposed to make them feel better. And they did. A little self - destructive hair - hacking always made them feel better.</p><p>They sheath their knife, standing up. They rub a hand over their face. In their hurry to leave, they left their mask behind. They sure as Hell weren't going to go back for it. They grieve it, for a second, for it was the first thing they made with their hands once they left the bunker. But it won't be hard to make another one. There were plenty of dead and petrified trees around. Maybe bone would be better, this time.</p><p>Carefully, they maneuver through the trees. They could go back to New Eden, but if they had to hear hymns and prayers all through the night, they'd surely just leave again. The valley was getting smaller and smaller, forcing them into a corner. Where else could they go? They think, for a little while. John Seed's bunker was a water - logged mess. Nobody went up there usually, besides Selene's scouts, looking for Mustard or other herbal plants. They could at least try to find some peace and quiet.</p><p>The Judge changes course, going West instead of North. They come to a crossroads, looking both ways so they don't get killed by a vehicle racing down the dirt, then cross.</p><p>Something sharp hits them in the shoulder. They freeze in place. They pull the thing that had hit them, a dart, out of their leathers. Their breathing turns heavy. Their surroundings blur, the forest becoming darker. They try to blink away the fog in their sight, feeling whatever it was that coated the dart pin taking over. They start to run, barely making it across the road, body becoming sluggish. They collapse in the dirt. They can hear, in the back of their mind, that song, that <em>horrible fucking song.</em></p><p><em>"No,</em>" They heave out, "<em>No no no</em> - " <em>You're dead, Jacob, you're dead. You can't hurt me you can't hurt me you can't hurt me -</em></p><p>Hands grab at them. They try to focus on their Gift, but find it unresponsive under the effects of whatever the dart was coated with. They fight, and try to scramble away. Rough burlap is pulled over their head. It seemed like a legion of people were pulling them along the ground, some yelling, but totally muffled. Judge fights, and fights, and fights, but each swing makes them weaker, and weaker, and weaker. They yell out in their haze, but, eventually, they can't do anything but give in.</p><p>The last thing they hear is the sound of a truck starting before the poison claims them, their mind blacking out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey hikes the long way to Scarlet's headquarters. It was built into a place that used to be a school, before the world ended. Now it was a mangled husk of a building, covered with rusted metal and the strung up corpses of trespassers and people who tried to escape as warnings. Mickey didn't mind them, at one point in her life. Now, they sickened her. She looks at their faces, hoping she didn't see Cap's strung up there.</p><p><em>Or Eden's</em>, she reminds herself, <em>don't forget him.</em> But she wants to. But she can't. It wouldn't be right. He may have run out into the storm and gotten the two of them caught, but he didn't deserve to be left behind just because he was a moron.</p><p>She slinks closer, sticking to the trees, early morning touching the sky. She fought the want of waiting for night to fall. Scarlet didn't wait when it came to torturing people. Mickey slides into a small bank. Running parallel to the West of the building was a wide stream, a drainage system connecting from it, to her hideout. It was where Scarlet usually dumped the bodies of captives she deemed '<em>useless</em>.' They'd float upriver, and they'd be out of her hair. Luckily for Mickey, there were no bodies around. She climbed up into the drainage pipe, which was large enough for her to crouch in. It smelled like, unsurprisingly, death. She takes off her gas - mask, hanging it on her belt, and pulls up a bandana around her nose.</p><p>Mickey thanks God she's wearing gloves as she crouches through sludge and sewer water. She flips on her pocket light and tucks it into the front of her vest to fight the pitch - black light of the pipes. She sucks in air through clenched teeth, trying not to breathe in the smell of decay and shit more than she had to. She navigates through the sewer, crawling up wide pipes for a few yards, until she finds a grate at the end of one, fitted into the ceiling. First, she listens carefully for any sounds, footsteps or voices. When she hears neither for more than a minute, she looks down, finding a spare pipe. She picks it up, wedging it into an end of the grate, using her strength to push. It scrapes open, Mickey barely having time to catch the edge before it would've clattered against the floor. She hauls herself up, moving the grate over slightly, so it left just the slimmest amount of space for her to be able to pick it up again.</p><p>The room was familiar, at least. It was a narrow, closet - sized room packed with empty cages, too small for people, perfect for animals, like rabbits. Scarlet's crew didn't just hunt people. She looks down at her ruined, soiled clothes, grimacing. <em>Relax</em>. Clothes, items in general, you can replace. People, you can't. That's what Cap taught her. She sure didn't learn it from her pops, and she wasn't around long enough for her mom to teach her, either.</p><p>It would've been smarter to just head to Michigan on her own, much easier to just up and leave her crew in the middle of the night, or leave the bunker, and came back once she saw her mom again. Or, she could've left Cap to get herself and Ethan out of this mess, because she had escaped from worse conditions before, and no doubt, she'd do it again.</p><p>But.....Mickey couldn't bear to do either of those things. Not while knowing that Cap was in trouble. Cap, who never held what Mickey had done against her, despite being fully able to do so, and fully right to do so. Cap, who spared her life, and then in the same hand offered her a brand new one. Cap, who made the days a little more bearable. Cap, with her stupid crooked grin and her stupid, faded red trucker cap, which was safe and sound in a small pouch on Mickey's belt.</p><p>Mickey's not leaving without Cap, and she doesn't care if she has to go through Scarlet's entire team to do it.</p><p>And <em>Eden</em>, she reminds herself again. Couldn't forget Eden. Donnie would fucking kill her if she came back without him.</p><p>Jokes aside, she tolerated, almost liked, Ethan. He was a moody asshole a good portion of the time, but when he wasn't stewing in his own problems, he was almost pleasant to be around. They've been travelling for more than two weeks together, and Mickey had talked more to him that she had in the entire year they spent at Prosperity. She found that, as prickly as he was, he was a valuable man. A valuable ally. Maybe a friend. <em>Maybe</em>.</p><p>Mickey cracks the door to the closet open. The ancient school was all long hallways, with most of the doors removed and replaced with tarps, or left open with no coverings. The only places with doors were some slave holding rooms, and all the bunkrooms for Scarlet's crew.</p><p>Carefully, Mickey crouches down the hallway, listening for voices, or people. She checks a few rooms, peeking in, but hears nobody, and sees no one. This had to be the East side of the school. Mickey needed the West, where Scarlet always held prisoners. She starts making her way.</p><p>Scarlet. She was as cold - blooded as a lizard, and as sharp as a knife. She had a sadistic streak, which worried Mickey the most. There'd been times where she and Lou would come to investigate the new stock, only to find that Scarlet had taken a few from the group to '<em>play</em>' with. They'd find them dead, or in pieces, if they were lucky. Mickey hated dealing with her, but Lou didn't. She saw it as a personality trait they could skip right over.</p><p>She checks the center yard, peering through the windows of the building. A huge, wide open space with vehicles and cages, usually of fresh product. It was as empty as a ghost town. That meant Cap and Ethan had to be inside. She backs away from the windows, continuing. There was another holding cell deeper into the school, built into the old gym.</p><p>Strangely enough, it's very quiet. Quieter than Mickey had ever heard it. She rounds a corner, close to the gym. She sees two people walking away from the door. She swears to herself. It'd be fucking <em>locked</em>, of <em>course</em>. She looks at the ceiling of the hallway, seeing a vent in the upper part of the wall. It was partially pulled off. She climbs onto a supply box that was sat under it, wedging her fingers into the open slits of the vent face, pulling. It comes off easily, and thankfully for Mickey, silently. She quietly sets it down flat, and climbs in.</p><p>She's thankful for the bandana around her nose as fan faces whirr and blow dust directly at her. She climbs up, then again, then finds an opening without a vent face on it. She looks through. It was the gym, alright. Completely empty, besides a person chained up in the back, blonde hair messy. Mickey's heart thunders. <em>Cap!</em></p><p>She pushes the vent face, it flopping open, stuck on the bottom hinges. She thanks God that it doesn't fall to the ground, bravely sticking her head out. There was a ten foot drop between Mickey and the floor. She, carefully, wedges herself out of the vent, grasping at the stacked cages. They were rusted, but heavy, and kept her weight. She climbs down, landing quietly. She glances at the door of the gym, then crouch - walks forward.</p><p>"Cap?" She calls quietly,  "Cap?" No answer, Cap's head lowered. Mickey's chest clenches in on itself. She slides closer, taking Cap's face in her hands, "Fuck, Cap, <em>c'mon</em>!"</p><p>Cap, thank - fucking - <em>God</em>, lets out a low grunt. She lifts her head. Mickey deflates, pushing away her dirty, matted hair. Her forehead was bloody, face bruised. Her lips part, "Mickey?"</p><p>"Hey, Cap," Mickey says, "Jesus, hey," She overlooks her quickly. Her left hand and wrist were wrapped up. Besides some scrapes and bruises, she looked fine, as far as she could tell.</p><p>Cap stares at her quietly, "I'm hallucinating," She mumbles, "I have to be in so much pain that I'm hallucinating."</p><p>"No," Mickey says. She stands to look at Cap's restrained hand, inspecting the chain. It was rusted, and didn't look very strong, "It's definitely me. But, I can pinch you, if you need the assurance."</p><p>She sharply hisses in air, "You need to get out of here."</p><p>"Yeah, but I'm taking you with me," She pulls at the cuff.</p><p>"No, Mick, you don't understand. Ethan sold you out."</p><p>"He did <em>what</em>?" Her voice raises, then she catches herself, and gets back to a whisper, "What the Hell happened?"</p><p>"He's ready to hand you over to them to save his own skin, and mine," Her voice wavers.</p><p>"Fuck 'em," Mickey says. For Cap's sake, she tries not to be hurt. Through everything, Mickey thought she at least earned Ethan's loyalty. Or, at least enough respect to not be sold to slavers. She moves to the side of the room, finding a rusty, but sturdy - looking, metal bar. She comes back, sticking one end of the bar to the chain, "After all the shit we've done? Wasn't it us who got his shit back from the Highwaymen in Bucket Valley? Wasn't it me who popped that raider's head off like a mother - fucking - cherry so he didn't get gutted?"</p><p>"You were right," Cap says, almost devastated, "Is that what you wanna fuckin' hear? You were fucking <em>right.</em> I should've told him he had to stay in Prosperity," The chain breaks, Cap's good hand falling. She flexes her fingers, "Jesus. I should've listened to you."</p><p>"Cap - "</p><p>"We wouldn't even be here if - "</p><p>"<em>Cap</em>," Mickey says, a little more urgently, "Once we get out of here, we can talk about how right I was, alright?" She kneels down, cupping Cap's face in her hands, wiping away a little mud and blood off of her cheeks with her thumbs. Cap nods, touching her wrist. Mickey reaches into her side - pouch, "Almost forgot this," She takes out Cap's hat, pulling it over her head. She then looks at Cap's bad hand, "Can you still use your Gift?"</p><p>"No. It's," Cap motions oddly, holding her bandaged hand to her chest.</p><p>"That complicates shit," She says. She sighs, nodding, "Alright. Alright, OK, it's OK. There's a way out, but we gotta be careful, and quiet."</p><p>"We can't, Mick. There's people here."</p><p>"I didn't see any here, Cap. I already checked the other holding cell looking for you. Nobody."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"I'm not lying, if that's what you think. Even if I was, we aren't in even a good place to start a jailbreak. Just look at your hand."</p><p>Cap sighs. She shakes her head, "And you're sure there's nobody?"</p><p>"Nope. Not a - "</p><p>Outside the door, there's voices, steps against welded metal plating in the floor. With panicked efficiency, Cap grabs Mickey's hand, pulling her to the side. There's a cage with an open door, mostly covered by tarp. She lifts the tarp, throwing the both of them in, and closing it. The cage is small, the two pressing against each other. Mickey keeps a hand on Cap's shoulder, like if she let go, she'd disappear in a puff of smoke. Through a small opening in a rip in the tarp, Mickey can see the whole of the room.</p><p>"God, you <em>reek</em>," Cap mutters.</p><p>"How do you think I snuck in here? Sewers were the only way without getting spotted."</p><p>The door to the room flies open. Mickey's eyes pop when she sees Ethan thrown in. He stumbles, and falls in the dirt.</p><p>"What?" Cap asks in a harsh whisper.</p><p>"It's Eden," She waits for someone else to enter, but whoever manhandled Ethan just barked some words at him, and slammed the door shut. Ethan rolls over, staying on the ground, hunched over. He lets out a broken yell, pounding his fists in the dirt. He heaves, picking himself up. He looks at the spot where Cap once was, freezing still. He jumps up, his head turning like it's on a swivel.</p><p>Mickey clenches her teeth, and lifts the tarp. She worms her way out of the cage, standing.</p><p>"Hey, Eden," Mickey calls out quietly, "I heard you were looking for someone."</p><p>Ethan snaps his head to her, mouth opening, eyes popping, "Mickey? <em>Oh my God</em>, they <em>couldn't</em> have - " He motions to the empty space, "W - Where's <em>Cap?</em>"</p><p>She crinkles her nose at him, "What, wasn't that what you wanted?" Her rage builds.</p><p>He stares at her horrified. He runs his fingers through his hair, "<em>This wasn't - How could - You</em> - ," He paces, "This wasn't supposed to happen."</p><p>"Sure it wasn't."</p><p>"This is all <em>wrong</em> - "</p><p>"I know all about your fucking deal with Scarlet, <em>Eden</em>. Cap," She points to herself, "In exchange for me," <em>Fucking coward. Yellow - bellied fucking coward!</em></p><p>"No, <em>no no no no</em> - " He stutters, throwing his hands up, "I can explain, I swear."</p><p>She rolls her shoulders, cracking her knuckles, "<em>Sure</em> you can," She starts to walk forward.</p><p>Cap shimmies out of the cage, grabbing her by the sleeve and pulling, "Hold on," She says. Mickey stops, only because she didn't want to pull away too quick, and hurt Cap. Cap looks at Ethan, eyes narrowed, "Mickey knows a way out. Give me one reason why we shouldn't leave you here."</p><p>"Because I was never going to hand Mickey over," Ethan says with a shake of his head, "<em>That</em>, was <em>not</em>, part of the plan."</p><p>"Yeah?" Mickey says, "Why should we believe you?"</p><p>"I only have my word, but," He swallows, "I would never hand you over," His eyes flick between them, "I had a plan."</p><p>The two girls make eye contact with one another. Cap purses her lips, but her eyes read a shine of betrayal. She didn't believe him, and Mickey trusted Cap, so she didn't believe him, either. Both girls look at him with untrustworthy gazes.</p><p>Ethan lets out a frustrated, tight sound, gritting his teeth, "After all I've done, have I ever lied to you? I am many, <em>many</em> things, but I am no <em>liar</em>."</p><p>Mickey stops to think. He did have a point. Ethan, for all the bad he's done, never lied. He wore his heart on his sleeve - or, more accurately, he never shut the Hell up about what he thought.</p><p>"Say we believe you," Mickey crosses her arms, still wary, "What'd you get thrown in here for?"</p><p>"I was adamant about them bringing Cap and I along with them, and they got suspicious," He says, "That was my plan all along, get them to take us to the bunker, and then me and you, or you and Cap, would blitz them," He grimaces, "But that's already in the shits, so we need a new one."</p><p>"Where's Scarlet's crew?"</p><p>"They're heading to the bunker right now."</p><p>"Then they're just wasting their time. We can hit them when they're banging on the door like a bunch of monkeys."</p><p>"No no, Scarlet said something about a - a key, a key she traded in for a pod of Highwaymen defectors. It opens the bunker."</p><p>Mickey thinks, then frowns, "We had that key up by a Highwaymen base a couple miles away," Of course the crew down there would get rid of their stuff as soon as they kicked it. She looks up, "Shit, then we gotta go," She rushes to the door, "Donnie's still inside, and if they find him, then it's fuckin' over," He could barely protect himself normally. He was as disarmed as a newborn baby with his injuries.</p><p>"Hold on - you just left him <em>alone</em>?" Ethan scoffs.</p><p>"Yeah? I thought he'd be safe while I went out and rescued you two," She looks at him quickly before he can open his mouth again, "Don't get your pants all twisted up, we just need to get to him before they can," She jiggles the handle, then backs up, bounces in place, warming herself up, and kicks the doorknob. It snaps, the door swinging open.</p><p>"There's two guards still here - " Ethan warns.</p><p>"Man, <em>fuck</em> those guards," Mickey readies a shotgun. She grabs a pistol off her belt, "Cap's out of commission. You're gonna have to pick up her slack."</p><p>Cap steps in, "I'm fine. I did fine on my own without the Gift before."</p><p>"Did you do fine with one hand, too?"</p><p>Self - consciously, Cap holds her arm against her chest. She doesn't respond, but Mickey acts like she did, handing Ethan a pistol. He takes it, inspecting it.</p><p>"I don't expect you to really use it, Eden," Mickey says, "But if you could at least pretend you know what you're doing, that'd be great."</p><p>"I know how to use it," Ethan argues, "But maybe it would be easier to try to sneak out instead."</p><p>"That was my plan all along, you fuckin' genius. But if they catch us, we'll have to fight our way out. That's where the guns come in," She looks at him, "And I'm gonna ask you one last time. Were you really gonna hand me over?"</p><p>"No!" He looks as hurt as Mickey had ever seen him, "I was not going to let them take you. I didn't come out all this way just to turn right back around. We're going to get you to your mom, get your your closure, then head back West, where I can forget about this entire wasteland of a country and get back to being stared at with contempt by Nick Rye."</p><p>Mickey blinks at him, "Sounds like you like me, Eden."</p><p>"You were willing to face off against Highwaymen to get my things back," He says, "It....It just wouldn't be right."</p><p>She decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. She jerks her head in the direction she came, "This way," They crouch low, following the same hallways Mickey navigated.</p><p>"Did you see anyone around, Ethan?" Cap asks."</p><p>"No," Ethan answers, "Scarlet told me we were the first catch of the day."</p><p>"She seemed to be real open with you."</p><p>"She had me file some papers, write down some notes. I think she enjoyed seeing me squirm while I was trapped under her thumb," He grimaces, "I.....Think she wanted to <em>keep</em> me."</p><p>"Oh, we gotta get you the Hell outta here," Mickey says, "Last boytoy Scarlet kept ended up with his tongue cut out. He's still strung up over the front gate."</p><p>Ethan shivered, "<em>God.</em>"</p><p>"Don't worry," Mickey assures him, "We're not gonna let that happen. Unless you try to sell me out again."</p><p>"I didn't sell you out," He grumbles.</p><p>"Listen. We kill Scarlet and her crew, I'll forget about you using me as a bargaining chip. How's that sound?"</p><p>"Fair," Ethan replies.</p><p>They make it across the school, back to the closet with the sewer drain.</p><p>"Oh. This is....An exit," Ethan mumbles.</p><p>"Shut up and get down there."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"What's your name?"</p><p>Judge keeps their eyes closed. They awoke in a room, groggy, still under the influence of whatever they were shot before, just an hour ago. Whatever they were hit with lasted a long while, as they could still barely move their body, unable to use their Gift. But they could hear. They could hear awfully fucking well, for their circumstances. They were trapped somewhere - it was small, probably in a bunker room, or maybe a shed. And people were surrounding them, some pacing, some talking. Aiden could pick out Pastor Jerome, Grace Armstrong, and Kim Rye.</p><p>For what it was worth, the three of them treated Judge nicely. They spoke is soft tones, low, but worried, and sad. Kim Rye seemed the most anxious, while Jerome and Grace held onto their resolves.</p><p>"Aiden," Jerome says, "We know it's you. You're safe here."</p><p>Judge, with what very, very little strength they had, twists their wrists a fraction. It wasn't Judge's safety the three were worried about. But, Judge can't blame them. Who knows what could happen if they were sober.</p><p>They hear steps approach them, softened by dirt - maybe it was a shed. <em>Somewhere outside? Maybe an abandoned building?</em> A chair next to them creaks, a hand placed softly on their shoulder.</p><p>"Joseph isn't around anymore, Aiden," Jerome says softly, but strongly, "He's dead. He can't control you, and he can't hurt you."</p><p>They wish it was that simple. Why couldn't they see this was more than just Joseph?</p><p>A door opens, and then closes. Someone enters. They - he - sighs in annoyance.</p><p>"This isn't working," Nick Rye says, "I told you, it's a waste of time. They're gone."</p><p>"Have some faith, Rye. This'll work. It just takes time."</p><p>"Can't undo what's seventeen years of Peggie brainwashing in an hour," Sharky says, somewhere from behind them - <em>When did Sharky get in?</em> He wasn't here ten minutes ago. Was he just sitting quietly in the corner all this time?</p><p>Judge makes a noise - something that's almost a whimper - and attempts to open their eyes. Their eyelids are too heavy to fully open, so they stare through small slits, raising their head as much as they could. Nick Rye was a shadow against a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. Grace was in the corner, to his right, arms crossed, while Kim stayed near the door, over his shoulder to his left.</p><p>Jerome's hand squeezes Judge's shoulder, "See?"</p><p>Nick comes closer. He lowers himself into their sight, squinting. He looked so gray, lines in his face deep and marked with scars, or stubble. He looked so much older than forty - six. Judge's jaw twitches. They look to Jerome - old, gray Jerome. He grins softly.</p><p>"We aren't here to hurt you, Aiden. We're here to help you."</p><p>They believe him. In their heart, they know that the people standing around them are only doing this because they just want to help. But Judge isn't ready for that help. They aren't ready to open up their soul and mind to anyone just yet. They need more time. They need them to understand.</p><p>They need their book back.</p><p>Jerome pulls away,  "Carmina showed us that notebook you used to write. Would you feel more comfortable that way?"</p><p>They would, but not yet, <em>definitely</em> not yet.</p><p>"Don't take those restraints off, Pastor," Nick says, "We don't know what they'll do."</p><p>"Why don't you give him some space, Nick?" Grace says, almost sharp, "He doesn't need you breathing down his neck."</p><p>Nick straightens, backing off, "They can talk," He says, not looking away, "I know they can."</p><p>Judge stares.</p><p>"Why come around now?" He asks them.</p><p>Their fingers twitch.</p><p>"You got comfortable, didn't you, Dep?"</p><p>
  <em>Don't call me Dep.</em>
</p><p>"Being with the Father was better than suffering with the rest of us, huh?"</p><p>Judge looks down.</p><p>"Where were you when we were starving a few winters ago?" Nick spits, "Where were you when the Highwaymen attacked us, and took me? I always fucking thought about what happened to you, Aiden. And now I know," He paces, "You're a <em>Peggie</em> now. <em>Cultist trash."</em></p><p>Judge whimpers.</p><p>"<em>Rye</em>," Grace warns, "I think that's enough."</p><p>"Where's your team, Aiden? Where's Staci Pratt? Joey Hudson? Sheriff Whitehorse? We all saw you leave together."</p><p>Judge can't tear their eyes away from Nick Rye. They could feel the anger radiate off of him in hot waves, could see the wet rage in his eyes.</p><p>"Did they refuse to become Peggies? That why - "</p><p>"Rye," Jerome warns softly, "Whatever happened to Joey and the others, it wasn't their fault."</p><p>"But Joseph Seed sure got out of it safe and sound," He argues, but still staring at them, "He was alive long enough for Cap and Rush to show up," He steps forward, Grace holding a hand out to stop him. He does, but still yells, "You had him at your fucking mercy, <em>all</em> this time, and you <em>still</em> couldn't put a bullet in his head - "</p><p>Kim steps in. She puts a hand on her husband's shoulder, "Nick," She says, loud, but soft, "Let's talk outside."</p><p>He doesn't look at his wife and he follows her out, still staring daggers at the Judge. Grace follows. Jerome gives them one last, gentle squeeze on the shoulder, then follows. The last to go is Sharky, who casts one quick, sad glance at Judge, then leaves. The door - and Judge finally recognizes the room, it's the garden shed in Prosperity, but emptied of equipment - slams shut. They can hear everyone speaking, rapid and overlayed, but muffled.</p><p>They lean forward. The suck in air deeply, then let it all out in a violent wail.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HAH...........my head hurts. writing so many people interacting makes my head hurt. but i do love them. i want ethan's arc to be over so bad i need this to be Mickey Time so badly.</p><p>thanks for reading :)!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNiNGS for: Sexual content</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>LMAOOOOOO sorry this took so long lol. holidays am i right? anyway while i was waiting for this baby to cook i wrote like two more chapters. 19 shld be out like rlly shortly after this one. 20 will take longer. lol. thanks for reading</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judge tugs at their binds in a pitiful attempt to escape. The chair, unfortunately for them, is a metal folding one, still strong even after all these years. The tranquilizer was wearing off, but they still couldn't activate their Gift. <em>Maybe they fed me something while I was sleeping?</em> Whatever it was, it counteracted their Gift, which they didn't think was possible in any capacity.</p><p>They start to rock, but due to the soft ground of the gardening shed, all it did was dig deeper grooves, further anchoring the chair. They growl, then give up, slumping back.</p><p>Judge swallows spit that doesn't help the scratch of their throat. Their heart hammers against their ribs. They clench their hands against the armrests of the chair. Their ankles tied to the legs, they can barely flex their calves. They lick their dry lips, head snapping up as they hear the door to the shed open. First one through is Grace Armstrong, then Kim Rye, then Prosperity's leading medic, Selene. Selene has a little bag slung over her shoulder, hairy wild and messy.</p><p>"Heeeey, big.....Person," She offers, waving, "You're awake! Good!"</p><p>"Jesus, how long has it been?" Kim asks.</p><p>"Two hours," Grace answers, "Screaming for two hours."</p><p>Had it been two hours? It felt like five minutes.</p><p>Selene approaches them without fear, prompting Grace and Kim to step forward, attempting to slow her. She holds a hand up, "Don't even worry, this anti - Bliss me works like a charm. If it didn't, I'd think they'd be long gone by now. I call it," She pauses for effect, "<em>Misery</em>."</p><p>Judge stares. Was Cap grabbing Bliss flowers for her right under their nose? They sigh. She wouldn't know how bad they were. Not really. It was nobody's fault besides their own for not realizing it. But the question was - why did they need to engineer some sort of antidote for the Bliss? If anything, Bliss was more of an asset to Prosperity than a hindrance. And how did Cap even know what to grab?</p><p>Kim and Grace stare at her. Selene continues, reaching into her bag, rummaging around. Kim Rye approaches, looking over her shoulder, "How long do you think it'll last?"</p><p>"I'd give it...." She looks up, taking a little pocket flashlight from her pocket to flash it in Judge's eyes, "Oh yeah, this'll last the rest of the day."</p><p>Grace cocks her head, "Twenty - four hours. Long time."</p><p>"Looks like having Ethan around did do something," Kim mutters.</p><p>Ethan. Of course. Even with him out of their hair, he was still a thorn in their side. But, if he was working on something to counter the effects of the Bliss, and in turn, the Eden's Gift, Judge shivers to know what his true plans were. Maybe it is best that he's gone off with Cap and Mickey.</p><p>"How long do you plan on keeping them?"</p><p>"As long as it takes," Grace says, "They need our help, and they're not leaving until they get it."</p><p>Heartfelt sentiments that send knots into Judge's stomach, but ultimately, they're useless. They couldn't give Judge the help they thought they needed.</p><p>Selene nods, then tilts her head, "So, what did you need me to do?"</p><p>"Give them some sort of tranq. I can't stand to hear them cry like that."</p><p>Judge shrinks. They felt like some sort of animal, wounded, and being treated by some well - meaning park rangers. They side - eye Selene as she brings out a leather - wrapped case, unwrapping it to reveal some glass vials, and long syringes.</p><p>"Don't fret, my man," Selene offers, "It's just a little pinch."</p><p>They had seen Selene work. She's a medical genius, and knows exactly what she's doing. Still, it doesn't stop them from jerking away in response as she swipes out a syringe, filling it with a clear liquid. But, they barely feel the pinch of their neck as the tranquilizer is shot into them. They get one last glimpse at Grace and Kim, before it overtakes them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Cold, cold water splashes over Judge, jerking them awake. They spit water out as it falls into their mouth, shivering. It's been six days so far, tied to that chair while they prayed, they begged, they sat coldly and stared, at the attempts of their friends to break them out of what they thought were a cult - controlled stupor.</p><p>Their wet hair stuck to their face as they looked up. Nick Rye throws a bucket down. Hurk is standing in the corner with a boombox in his hand.</p><p>"And you're sure this worked?" Nick asks Hurk.</p><p>"Oh, yeah! Worked fine. Guy was walking around, normal, the very next day."</p><p>"You hear that, Aiden? We're gonna cure you."</p><p>Cure you. That was close to what Judge wanted to happen. Some magical solution to an illness they can't even give a name to. But whatever they had planned wouldn't help. Nobody could help them.</p><p>Hurk walks forward, setting the boombox down. What Judge failed to see were the headphones around his neck, which he takes off, and places around Judge's ears. He reaches into his pocket, taking out a roll of duct tape. He tapes the headphones to Judge's head, wrapping it around their temples. Lastly, he takes the end of the cord, plugging it into the boombox, then hitting play.</p><p>Harsh, roaring guitar strumming hits Judge's ears, making them cry out in quick pain. It's the same song the Whitetails used all those years ago, to free their friend at the lodge. The volume was cranked up to ear - splitting levels, forcing their teeth to grind together. Their ears ring already from the sheer loudness.</p><p>They open their eyes, despite the pain, seeing Nick and Hurk slip out of the door, closing it behind them without another look back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>After some grueling, long hours, the tape stops. It either stopped, or the boombox gave out, or the headphones gave out, but it didn't matter to the Judge. They cried, in complete pain. It felt like knives were jammed into their eardrums, eyes stinging. Someone touches their face.</p><p>They turn their head away, trying their best to break from their wrists restraints. It bore nothing, of course.</p><p>Hands cup their face, gently moving them so they faced forward. They flick their eyes open, vision in one eye red. Pastor Jerome stared at them unhappily. His lips move, Judge unable to make out his voice. <em>They've made me deaf.</em> They exhale. <em>They've made me fucking deaf!</em></p><p>Jerome pulls away, to open the door, and stick his head out. He pulls back, people - medics of the compound, and Selene - walking in behind him. The group pulls and cuts the duct tape off of them, removing the headphones. They study the Judge, pouring liquids into their ears, sopping up fluids that dripped from their mouth, nose, and eyes (Mostly blood, they're sure.) Selene shines lights into their pupils, making faces and talking. </p><p>She sticks some long instrument into their ear, twisting. Judge hears a pop, and suddenly, sound comes flooding back to them. Everyone is suddenly talking at once, more prominently, Selene. Liquid leaks from their ear.</p><p>"There we go! And...." She does the same for their other ear, unblocking that one, too, "There! See? Not so bad," She looks at Jerome from over her shoulder, "I thought this dude was your friend?"</p><p>"They are," Jerome says, "Nick and Hurk probably forgot to check the sound volume."</p><p>"Well, if you let them keep this up, this <em>friend</em> could kiss their hearing goodbye," She pours liquid into both of their ears, shaking their head, then sopping it back up. Their hearing became clearer. There still was a ring in their head, but definitely not as strong, "In my professional opinion; I think that's enough interrogations for tonight."</p><p>Jerome agrees with a solemn nod. The medics finish up, leaving, Selene following. Jerome kneels in front of the Judge, cradling their face.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Jerome says.</p><p>Judge whimpers, leaning forward. <em>Let me out</em>, they beg to say, <em>Get me out of here.</em></p><p>"I know this seems like torture, Aiden, but it's not. We're trying to help you."</p><p>Out of respect for the old pastor, they don't rip away from him. Instead, they look at him, and they cry. Big droplets roll down their cheeks, which get rubbed away by Jerome.</p><p>"It's going to be hard work," He says quietly, "It's going to be a long, painful road. But we'll make it together. I promise you."</p><p>They hate him. They hate him they hate him they hate him -</p><p>And they grieve the loss of his hands on their face. He leaves the shed, quietly shutting the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Door creaking wakes Judge from an uncomfortable sleep. They blink away blurs, looking up. Shuffling comes from the small sliver of space. Sharky Boshaw pops his head in. Judge stares. They wonder what his form of interrogation could be. He appeared once, the first day, then never showed up again. He slips in soundlessly, steps softened by dirt, and right behind him, Carmina Rye steps inside, too. She closes the door behind them. Over Sharky's shoulder is a duffle bag.</p><p>"Don't flip out," Sharky says, putting a hand up, "We're here to help you, man."</p><p>Judge's eyes flick between them. <em>What the fuck are they doing?</em></p><p>Sharky takes this as a go - ahead. He passes the bag to Carmina, then walks to them, and kneels down, undoing the straps around their wrists, "We gotta get you outta here as fast as we can, as quiet as we can."</p><p>Judge doesn't move as their wrists are freed. <em>You are fucking crazy,</em> They want to tell him.</p><p>"They don't look so good," Carmina says, half - watching the door.</p><p>"I told them this was going too far," Sharky mutters, "You can't make someone come back to you," He looks at them, "I'm sorry, Aiden, but this was all we could think of doing. I don't know what happened to you, Aiden, but I know that you're still in there, alright? I just feel it. Jerome and Grace think you've been brainwashed, and everyone is inclined to agree. But my theory, man," He shakes his head, "The Collapse happened, and the only ones who got out were you and the Father. I think you lost hope, and gave yourself over, or Joseph Seed did something to you. Seventeen years, that's all you've known. You aren't ready for us yet. I don't blame you for staying with him, alright?" He picks his head up, working on their ankle binds, "I don't blame you for any of it."</p><p>Judge stares. If they had anymore tears to shed, they'd cry. All that leaves them in a soft whine, their head ringing.</p><p>Carmina opens up the duffle bag, throwing Judge their mask, which lands in their lap. As joyous as a child on Christmas, they snatch it up, and pull it on, reveling in the concealment of their face once more. They stand, then stumble, Sharky catching them. They felt so weak. Almost as weak as their stint in Jacob's pens. They pull away from him, stretching. They crack their neck, looking expectantly.</p><p>Sharky grins lightly, "Yeah. That's you, alright," He motions to the door, "Alright, stay low. There's a truck waiting for us outside the gates. You get in the flatbed, stay low till someone gets ya', 'kay? We got your weapons in the duffle."</p><p>Judge holds up a weak OK signal. They start to move, only for Sharky to put a hand up, stopping them, his fingers brushing their chest. He stares at them, eyes a little wet.</p><p>"I fuckin' missed you, man."</p><p>Their hand folds over his, squeezing. They missed everyone. It hurt to be around Prosperity, unable to communicate, thanks to their own fear and their very thin emotional stability. They drop their hand again.</p><p>Sharky nods, grinning tightly. He turns to Carmina, "How's it look?"</p><p>"Dead. Not a light on."</p><p>"Hell yeah. Let's go."</p><p>Judge stays low to the ground, following the two. They stick to the walls, until they reach the North gate. It was still broken, big wooden boards and scrap covering the hole Judge had made. Sharky lifts up a board, revealing a space big enough to crouch through. Right on the other side is a truck, lights on and running. The back was covered with a tarp. Without hesitation, Judge lifts the tarp and hauls themself into the flatbed, staying low.</p><p>They hear muffled voices, then the truck rumbles to a start, pulling away into the night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>After twenty minutes, the truck stops. The tarp is lifted, Sharky looking down at the Judge, who was laying flat on their back.</p><p>"We're here," He says.</p><p>Judge hops out, standing straight. They look at their destination. It was the water pump station, with a little more wire fencing and metal sheeting than Judge had last seen. <em>What'd he call this place again?</em></p><p>"Welcome to Château Boshaw, man," He says, "Let's get inside."</p><p>They follow him. He pulls open a door made of metal sheets welded together. Inside is messy, but furnished. There's two beds tucked into the corners, every other piece of furniture with an open space covered in bottles, or scrap and equipment.</p><p>"Make yourself at home, man," Sharky motions to one of the beds, adjusting the duffle bag over his shoulder.</p><p>Wearily, Judge goes to it. They sit down. They felt the same as the old, springy mattress. Used up and ancient.</p><p>Sharky pulls up a chair, knocking the cans and bottles off of it, sitting down and setting the duffle down at his feet. Judge takes a good look at him. He was wearing a flannel, sleeves rolled up, jeans, and boots, all faded and worn out. His beard was long and wild, the hair on his head hidden by a hat and goggles. He looked more feminine with a long beard than he did with a goatee. His shirts hang a little loosely off his body. Judge can't tell if he's just skinnier, or wearing clothes that were a size or two too big. He wrinkles his nose, showing off a septum piercing.</p><p>"Carmina's not here," He says, studying his boots, "She was only our lookout. She's back at Prosperity, practicing playing dumb. Mom and dad won't know a thing," He pauses, then pulls his chair closer, until the two's knees were almost touching. He sighs through his nose, staring at them, "You hungry?" He asks.</p><p>They clench their hands against their thighs, unclenching them, smoothing over their leather pants. Sharky always liked being physical. Hand - holding, taking up someone's space, hugs, all that sort of stuff. They stared at him intensely, waiting for it.</p><p>"Let me get you some water," He stands, and leaves. He returns a minute later with a canteen. He sits down, holding it out, "I should probably mention - "</p><p>The radio on his hip buzzes, "<em>Disco Inferno this is Monkey King Prophet, do you read me, over</em>," Judge hears Hurk say.</p><p>Sharky puts the canteen down on the bed, answering, "Read you loud and clear, MKP, over."</p><p>"<em>Has the wolf made it to the den, over?"</em></p><p>Sharky glances at Judge, giving them an amused grin, "Wolf is in the den, over."</p><p>"<em>Hell yeah</em>!" Hurk yells out. Then, in the background, the cry of a baby can be heard, "<em>Wuh - oh</em>."</p><p>Sharky cringes, "Oh, Hurk - "</p><p>"<em>Sorry! It -</em> " In the background, Judge can hear a woman talking, progressively getting more angry, "<em>Gotta go!"</em></p><p>The radio clicks off. Sharky sighs, putting the radio back on his hip, "Hurk knows you're here, by the way. Don't worry, he's not gonna say nothin'."</p><p>Not that Judge was worried. Hurk was loyal, if misguided. Besides, now that Judge was out, it'd be easy to run circles around their patrols. They wouldn't be caught twice.</p><p>"That Misery stuff Selene gave you is gonna last another day," Sharky says, "'Till then, you can stay here," He taps his fingers on his knees, "Or - Or....Go. If that's....What you wanna do. Can't be too comfortable being around non - Peggies, right?"</p><p>Judge is constantly at odds with themself. They beg for contact, to be remembered and acknowledged, but push away every chance they get. They didn't want to leave, not with Sharky sticking his neck out for them like this, but their instincts roiled within them, trying to force them out the door. Fighting everything they've known and learned, they reach over, grabbing his hand, and squeezing. Sharky turns his palm up, holding their hand.</p><p>Judge can't take it any longer. They pull their hand away, scooching to the edge of the mattress. They hold their arms out, wrapping them around Sharky's shoulders in a hug. Sharky doesn't hesitate to hug back. He sighs, as if he were holding it in for some time. He rubs over Judge's back, clenching his fingers in the leather. He tucks his head into their shoulder.</p><p>"God, Aiden," He says, "I fucking missed you, man."</p><p>They squeeze him tighter. They stay still, feeling Sharky's heart beat through their chest. Quicker than Judge wanted, Sharky pulls away, holding their arms.</p><p>"You should get some sleep," He says, "Not gonna do anyone good if you're exhausted," He slips his hands away, standing.</p><p>Judge isn't ready. They grab his wrist, pulling gently. Sharky stops, letting himself be pulled down to sit next to them. Judge cradles his face, pressing their foreheads together.</p><p>"Hey man," Sharky says softly, "Hey Aiden," He folds his fingers gently on their wrists, drawing his knee up to rest on the bed.</p><p>Judge thumbs over his cheeks, feeling his gaunt cheekbones. How much of him was this thin? Before another thought can float through their head, Sharky tilts his, kissing the front of their mask.</p><p>They think about those years ago - lifetimes away - when Hope County was under siege by a different evil. When they and Sharky were in Tweak's basement, getting drunk and high and getting a little too handsy. They think about the things they didn't do, like let Kim and Nick know they were going to be the greatest parents ever. They never attended a Sunday service from Pastor Jerome. They never went to one of Hurk's family BBQs. They never were able to beat Grace in cards. They let the best years of their life slip right through their fingers.</p><p>Their chest ached. It wasn't too late to do any of those things, was it?</p><p>Judge breaks just so they could slip off their mask off. It's barely off their face when Sharky cups their cheeks, kissing them. God, did he kiss them. His beard is scratchy on their lips and chin. His hands rub over their shoulders. He pulls back for a moment, just to rip off his hat and his goggles. His hair was long, brushing his chin. He then grabs their face again to kiss them.</p><p>Everything about him felt so lonely. They think he's always been like that, they realize.</p><p>Sharky leans back, Judge following. They crowd him against the mattress, pressing their weight into him. His hands move across their back, grabbing at their backside. He grinds up, wedging a knee between their legs. Judge grinds against his thigh, resisting the urge to bite his lips and leave marks along his neck.</p><p>Judge stops kissing him. They deftly undo the buttons of his flannel, flaying it open. They push up the holey, faded tshirt underneath. They sigh unhappily. He was so thin, witnessing a slight show of his ribs underneath wiry chest hair. In their head, they can still see the him before the Collapse, younger and louder, all soft with a beer gut and a double chin. They brush over the expanse of his skin, touching the soft spots on his chest that pebble in response. Skinny, but healthy. Healthy enough to react so earnestly to Judge's touches, at least.</p><p>With so much practice it could be considered instinct, Judge shuts their brain off, letting themself be controlled by desire, and need. They lean forward, mouthing at Sharky's chest, rough chest hair tickling their lips. They go lower, undoing his jeans quickly, pulling down the waistband of his pants, kissing down his happy trail. They don't think for too long, driven by need, pulling back to fully strip Sharky of his boots, pants and underwear and throw the articles on the floor. Sharky's cock bounced happily against his lean stomach. He was on the normal side, skinny and cut, a manageable five inches.</p><p>Judge grips him tightly, thumbing over the head. Sharky sighs, sliding his hand up his shirt. They then pull their own boots and pants off. They settle over Sharky's hips, rolling down. His hands slide over their coat, up and down their chest, settling on their thighs.</p><p>"Jesus, I missed you, man," He says, "I fuckin' missed you."</p><p>They ache for warm hands. They undo their leather coat, opening it, but keeping their hood still up, grabbing Sharky's wrists to encourage his hands to touch their skin. He does without pause, fingers trailing everywhere, without pattern, over their scars and over the Wrath on their chest. They aren't sure if he's ever seen it, if they ever showed him. Regardless, he doesn't say anything, grinning and exposing teeth.</p><p>Judge reaches between their legs, shifting up to tease the head of Sharky's cock. His grin twitches.</p><p>In one quick motion, they sink down over him until their bodies were flush together. Everything about him is so <em>hot, hot, hot,</em> ripping a moan right out from Judge's throat. They look down. Sharky had his head thrown back, fingers gripping their leathers. A string of curses leaves his mouth.</p><p>They give him no time to adjust. They start to move, and quickly, the squeak of the old, old mattress bouncing off the walls. Sharky sits up, grasping at their hood, kissing them. They nip at his bottom lip, threading their gloves through his long hair, pushing it out of his face. Sharky's hands lower, squeezing at their hips, backside, thighs. Judge moans, pushing him down flat, pressing their chests together, rolling. They squeeze around him, dragging out a moan so loud it shakes their ears.</p><p>"Hold it hold it hold it - " Sharky begs, "Wait, wait, hold on - "</p><p>Judge freezes, Sharky half - inside them. They lift right off of him, straddling his lower thighs. He looks at them darkly, chest rising and falling shallowly.</p><p>"Dude, I have to be real with you," He taps his bare stomach, "I haven't had a good fuck in, like, at <em>least</em> twenty years. If I come first, you're gonna end up with the laziest pussy eating you've ever had."</p><p>Judge lets out a laugh. It sounds like the dying honk of a goose, but it makes Sharky's eyes light up. They shuffle forward, sitting over Sharky's face. They barely settle before Sharky has his fingers dug into their thighs, dragging them down. The wet heat of his mouth causes Judge to lean forward, gripping the thin, metal headboard of the bed and letting a harsh moan slip out from between their lips. His beard tickled the inside of their thighs, flattening his tongue between.</p><p>Judge leans back, looking down between their legs. Sharky's eyes were wide open, staring up at them. They push his hair back, rolling down. He sucks gently, coaxing a hand over their stomach. He strokes long lines with his tongue, swirling slowly.</p><p>Then he starts humming. It's low and from his throat, accompanied by a flick of his tongue. They don't know where the fuck he learned that from, but it sure felt fucking good. They reach between their legs, spreading their lips more. Sharky flattens his tongue, sucking harshly. They grip the metal headboard again, closing their eyes. Their gut coils at a specifically loud hum that vibrates against their clit, unconsciously grabbing him by the hair and breathing out a loud sigh.</p><p>A slight burn starts at their thighs. They shift, then lift off. He sits up on his elbows, lips swollen under his beard.</p><p>He grins, "Too much?"</p><p>They huff. They sit back, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. They kiss him, tasting salt and sweat. They angle his hand down between their legs, then lean back. He has no choice but to lean down with them. He looms over them, thin frame clashing with their broader one. They hook their hands behind his neck, soaking up their taste on his tongue.</p><p>Sharky doesn't hesitate to probe his fingers in, warm and skilled, "Jesus, Aiden," Sharky breathes out, angling his fingers up, "You're so hot," He adds a twist to his digits.</p><p>Judge <em>felt</em> hot. They felt like they were on fire. They break their kiss with him, groaning loud as Sharky's fingers pick up speed, clenching around them.</p><p>"Aiden, Jeez...." He huffs a soft laugh, "I need those, careful."</p><p>Judge grunts in annoyance, tucking their head into his shoulder, spreading their legs more. Their gut clenches, chasing that high Sharky was finger - fucking out of them. They moan, breath quickening, grabbing his wrist.</p><p>"Feel good? Fuck," He sucks in air, "Just lookin' at you is gonna make me bust - "</p><p>They push away his hair, sucking on his neck. They lick over the spots they leave, feeling that bloom of warmth knot in the bottom of their belly. They clench over his fingers as he curls them up, thumbing at their clit and <em>Oh</em> -</p><p>Their brain blanks out, flooding them with warm pleasure. They cry out, muffling the sound by biting into Sharky's shoulder, fingers digging into his wrist, hips jerking, lifting off the mattress, riding the wave out with his still - moving digits.</p><p>He slows. They slow with him, breathing shallow. They lean back, taking away their mouth and hands, laying down. A sudden exhaustion overtakes them, trying to coax them into a nap. They fight it, reminding themself there's another in their presence. They eye Sharky, who stares at them with a lopsided grin.</p><p>Sharky pulls his fingers out. He sticks them in his mouth, sucking them. Judge stares at the way his tongue flicks over the digits. It wasn't obscene, but a purposeful, methodical approach.</p><p>He notices their stare, sucking up spare sailva, "Always make sure I lick the plate clean."</p><p>Judge sits up, pushing Sharky flat on his back. They hotly kiss down his chest, his cock bumping their chin. They barely wait to wrap their lips around the head, sucking. They swallow him in one go and God, it's been so long. Their eyes water, and they're thankful they kept their hood up. They slacken their jaw, flattening their tongue on the underside. They feel Sharky's hand grip the back of their hood, then move to to their shoulder. Judge bobs their head, their nose brushing the hair at the base, before pulling off. They stroke him, smearing saliva, sticking the tip of their thumb into the slit of the head. Sharky groans, drawing his knees up.</p><p>Taking this as a good sign, Judge rolls their thumb, licking at the underside of his cock. Sharky's chest rises and falls in quick succession, hand twisting in the shirt bunched up at his neck. A canine was biting into his lower lip.</p><p>Judge crawls up his body, creating a loose fist that drags around Sharky's cock, smearing saliva. Sharky doesn't hesitate to rub over Judge's shoulders, smoothing over the leather. He raises his chin, expecting a kiss. Judge huffs, twisting their grip, making his mouth fall open. That's when they decide to kiss him, shoving their tongue between his teeth.</p><p>"Ohhhh ffff - " His legs draw up, breaking their kiss, mouthing hotly at their lips, "Oh, shit - " He physically shudders, moaning loud, holding onto their leathers like his life depended on it, hips bucking up into their hand.</p><p>Judge manages to look down while Sharky mouths at their jaw and ear, a broken moan dying out on his lips. His cock twitches in their hand, hot white coming out in thick strings. He coats his own stomach, pooling in thick, sticky puddles. </p><p>They stop and wait for a few seconds, until Sharky's breathing evens out, loosening his grip on them. He blinks, eyes glossy.</p><p>"Hey, man," He says, "What's up?"</p><p>Judge pats his stomach, grabbing the water canteen he dropped on the floor. They take a long sip, then pass it to Sharky. He waves it away, sitting up. He pulls his shirts off, wiping down his stomach, then throwing it in on the ground in front of to the chair he pulled up next to the bed. He stands, stretching. He walks off, to a scrap - covered table. He rifles through, grabbing a small box. He comes back to the bed, sitting on the edge. When he opens the box, he reveals home - made cigarettes, and a collection of lighters. He takes one out, offering it.</p><p>"Smoke?"</p><p>Judge holds a hand up in a <em>No</em> gesture.</p><p>Sharky shrugs, placing one between his lips and lighting it. He takes a long drag, brushing his long hair back with his fingers. He leans forward, resting his arms on his knees.</p><p>"I gave up on you, Aiden," He turns his head, exhaling smoke opposite where Judge was sitting, "I thought you were dead."</p><p>Technically, the life Judge had did die as soon as Joseph Seed carried them into Dutch's bunker. They emerged someone new - something new. They lean back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>"First thing me 'n Hurk did when we opened our bunker up," Sharky says, "Was check on the Whitetails. I thought they'd be better prepared for apocalyptic - living than me and Hurk, y'know?" He shakes his head, "Nothing but dirt. It's buried, if any of them even made it to the place. You know what a trek it is to get up there, even for them," He brushes his hair back, revealing the forehead scar he'd gotten from the car accident so long ago.</p><p>Judge always hoped. They hoped and hoped and hoped and kept hoping. Sharky just dashed it all in a single instant. They lay down on their side, facing away from him. They feel like they should mourn her - Jess, Tammy, Wheaty, the rest of the Whitetails, but it felt so....Redundant. They should've known they wouldn't have made it. The mountains were too far, too precarious, to get there in a manageable, quick way. Not while the world was burning all around them. Even for experienced survivalists like they were.</p><p>A warm hand touches their arm, squeezing. The hand moved to their hair, caressing, then turning a lock between its fingers.</p><p>"Damn, Aiden. The Hell'd you do to your hair?"</p><p>Judge turns back over. They sit up, running a hand through their haphazard cut.</p><p>Sharky overlooks them, "Dude, you have to let me fix that," He reaches over.</p><p>They shrugged, gently batting his hand away.</p><p>"Aw, c'mon, man, it's gonna grow in all awkward and uneven if you don't," He reaches again, brushing their hair away from in front of their eyes, "How can you even see through that?"</p><p>Judge frowns, sitting up. They rifle a hand through their hair again, feeling uneven pieces. Maybe they did need a cut. A good one, this time, not a frantic, choppy cut near the river shore. They swing their legs over the edge of the mattress, moving to the chair. Sharky walks off, shoving around garbage until he finds a pair of old, rusty scissors. He comes back to Judge, moving behind them, cigarette dangling from his lips.</p><p>"Just relax, man. I've been cuttin' Hurk's hair for our whole lives, and he's never complained once."</p><p>They nod. Sharky couldn't do a worse hack - job than they did to their own hair. They settle in, feeling his fingers in their hair, testing lengths. They hear the scissors shear off their hair. Sharky hums a tune, quiet.</p><p>After ten minutes, he speaks, "Can I let you in on something, Aiden?"</p><p>Judge nods, Sharky's fingers threading through their thick hair.</p><p>"There's another reason besides us wanting you outta Peggie control that we took you from the roads," They hear the clip of scissors, "Highwaymen have been getting worse lately. We've been getting hit pretty hard at every stronghold we've got, some on their last legs. We've been getting raids in the middle of the day - not early morning, not late night, but in the middle of the afternoon."</p><p>Judge pauses. They did notice more frequent, but more chaotic and disorganized, Highwaymen raids lately, but they chalked that up to the season. People got desperate once winter started rolling around.</p><p>"Cap's gone, y'know, and the people around here are uneasy about it, and the Ryes are trying to keep it all together, but I know Kim is anxious about when Cap's comin' back, and Nick is worried she won't," He tilts their head forward, "I think we can handle it, but, with all Cap's done for the valley.....I don't think folks are so sure of their own strength," He tilts their head back, staring down at them, "We need your help, Aiden. Once last time."</p><p>Judge jerks their head back forward, staring straight ahead. They inhale, exhale, gripping their seat. They unlock their jaw, realizing that they might've been brought out here for very, very different reasons than they originally thought.</p><p>Sharky finishes up, tossing the scissors back on the table. He rounds the chair, kneeling down, snuffing out his cigarette on the concrete.</p><p>"You don't even have to do that much, man. I know you've got your hands full with New Eden, but I know the Highwaymen have been hitting us harder, since we've got the guns and ethanol and trucks and shit. We're losing so many people everyday, we don't have your Gifts like Cap - "</p><p>Judge stands, collecting their clothes. They pull on their pants, their boots, This was a mistake, one big fucking mistake -</p><p>"Aiden, please - " Sharky tries to block their way. They slide around him, buttoning up their coat. Sharky raises his voice, slightly panicked, "With Cap gone, you're the only bridge we have between us and the Peggies," He gestures widely, "You're the only one in this entire valley who can get us to some agreement with them," He follows them around the room as they raid the duffle bag by the chair for their bow and quiver, and all the other equipment they were stripped of, "It was like pulling teeth getting the Ryes to work with you all the first time - "</p><p>You all.</p><p>They side - step him, only for him to step back into their path.</p><p>"Out. Of. My. Way," They growl out.</p><p>Sharky grits his teeth, sucking in nervous air, "C'mon, man, please. We're getting killed out there. We aren't gonna last any longer until we have some help, some real organization," He walks back as Judge walks forward, still blocking their way, "Cap's still gonna be gone for another month, and we - "</p><p>"<em>Move</em>!" They yell out, as loud as the bark of a wolf.</p><p>It stuns Sharky into silence. They flex their jaw, deflating. Then his radio buzzes behind them, in the crumpled pile of his pants.</p><p>"<em>Sharky</em>?" Nick Rye crackles in, "<em>Boshaw, we've got a situation back in Prosperity, what's your lo - cal?"</em></p><p>He keeps Judge's eyes until he has to break away, walking slow to his clothes. He swallows, and answers, "Back in Château Boshaw, Rye. What's the situation?"</p><p>"<em>Aiden's gone.</em>"</p><p>He exhales "Yeah? Oh, shit."</p><p>"<em>Yeah, Oh shit. Sheds still locked, nobody saw anybody around. They fucking disappeared like a Goddamn ghost!"</em></p><p>"Damn."</p><p>"<em>You didn't see anyone hanging 'round, did you?"</em></p><p>"Nah, not me. When I left tonight, the shed was still locked," He licks his lips, "What's the plan now, Rye?"</p><p>"<em>I don't know, man,</em>" Something bangs loud on the other end, "<em>Shit</em>!"</p><p>"Let's not panic, man," Sharky says adamantly, "We just have to hold out a little longer until Cap gets back s'all."</p><p>"<em>Can you get back here ASAP? We need a meeting."</em></p><p>"Be there in thirty."</p><p>Rye cuts off his end. Sharky lowers his hand. He exhales, turning around.</p><p>The door is open, and the Judge is gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i tried so fucking hard to not do aiden/sharky bc i dndt want to indulge myself too much but the call was too great. i resisted it for so long</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CONTENT WARNINGS: death, blood, far cry levels of violence but kinda mild. lol</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me posting this 30 mins after posting chptr 18 lol</p><p>thanks for reading!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taking cover behind some supply crates, Donnie has one hand clamped over Timber's muzzle, and the other over his own. Worry kept him from resting, so he took a few painkillers and milled around the bunker, waiting for some sign of activity from the outside. And while putting his arm in a makeshift sling to ease the pressure off his wound, he had heard the bunker door unlock. He came to investigate, and upon seeing unfamiliar leathers and rusted weapons poke through the bunker space, he took cover.</p><p>"I want every inch of this place searched," Someone orders. Donnie immediately recognizes the voice. He's only met Scarlet three times in his life, and each time after he felt like he needed a dip in the nearest lake. Her reputation was bad enough, but seeing her face - to - face was an entirely new experience. Slaver scum. Worst of the worst, "Top to bottom. Every room, every closet. Hell, check the ovens if you have to."</p><p>"I don't know why we're even giving this our time," Someone else grumbles.</p><p>"The entrance is covered in dead Highwaymen, and you're not even a little suspicious about how they got there? If we don't find her, we at least see what the deal is with all that," Footsteps approach, "If Mickey's here, we either leave with her, or leave behind her dead body. Burn the place if you have to."</p><p>Donnie freezes, pressing himself against the heavy crates. How the Hell did Scarlet know about Mickey? His stomach drops. Ethan and Cap wouldn't have snitched. They wouldn't. Donnie didn't know them for that long, but they were too decent to drop Mickey to save their own skins. Maybe someone saw her when they took Ethan and Cap? He then became muddled with more worry, as he had no idea what really happened to Ethan and Cap. He dreaded to think they were dead, or worse, sold off to a farm. Nobody deserved that sort of fate. But, guessing was all he had. He would just have to continue on with not knowing at the moment.</p><p>Trapped in his makeshift hiding place, he looks around. Just out of his immediate reach, he could see Ethan's side satchel, some things spilled out. He warily lets go of Timber, who doesn't move, or bark or huff, thankfully. Donnie moves over, trying to make as little noise as he could. He reaches for the bag, rifling his hand inside. His hand closes around something. <em>Please be his gun, please be his gun, please be his gun -</em></p><p>Timber barks.</p><p>Someone grabs Donnie's ankle, pulling, "Boss, we've got a live one!"</p><p>Donnie kicks out, tucking the object into his sling. He tries to push himself up on his good arm, only to get tugged hard backwards. His assailant dragged him out from behind the crates. A crew of five come out of the woodwork, crowding around him. Powerless, Donnie stays still and quiet, eyes darting between shadowy shapes.</p><p>"That dog got out."</p><p>"Who cares? Scarlet! Look who it is."</p><p>"Move, move!" Scarlet says, pushing into the circle. Donnie's blood turns to ice when she sees him, and smiles. She lowers herself, "Donnie! What are you doing here?" When she gets no answer, she tilts her head, "A little far from your stomping grounds, aren't you?" Her smile just gets wider, "The kid didn't mention another defector around here."</p><p>"Thought you'd think a Twin would be a juicier prize, looks like," Someone says gruffly, "Don't know what Donnie's worth. He's kinda useless. He'd be dead in a day on a farm.</p><p>"Except," She stands straighter, "Why not just say they had a traitor with them? What's the purpose of saying Mickey? We hold every card in our hands," She tilts her head, humming, "Search the place."</p><p>Donnie's eyes catch the flick of her wrist as she draws out a knife.</p><p>"Let's see if you've got any good info for us."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Though her arm was broken, Cap's legs worked just fine. She tore through the trees without issue, leaving Mickey and Ethan a few yards behind, pushing themselves to catch up. Mickey always forgot how athletic Cap was, until the good captain found a reason to show off.</p><p>After what seemed like never - ending forest, they stop at the edge of the trees, finding their path blocked by a hill. It was the same dirt and root - addled cliff that Mickey had found evidence of Scarlet's slavers at the bottom of.</p><p>"Here," Mickey steps forward, "I'll go first, then I'll help pull you up Cap - "</p><p>Cap acts as if Mickey hadn't said a word. She grabs onto a long root, finding good footing, and seamlessly climbs up.</p><p>Ethan and Mickey stare as she climbs. He leans in slightly, "Maybe it would've been OK for you to give her the gun."</p><p>They follow. Cap is already standing at the top while they were halfway up. She holds her good hand out, easily hauling Mickey up. Above her, the sky was green, thundering and roiling above. It looked like another storm was about to hit. Mickey, in turn, rolls over, grabbing Ethan's hand and pulling him.</p><p>"What's it look like?" She asks, helping Ethan stand.</p><p>"There's a truck outside," Cap answers, "Ma - " She stops, looking towards the bunker.</p><p>"What?" Mickey follows her eyes. Running out of the entrance of the maze was Timber, "Aw, fuck."</p><p>Timber barked at them, running. The three meet him halfway across the field.</p><p>"Hey, boy," Cap goes, kneeling down and petting him. He whines, sniffing her pants and bandaged arm, "Where's Donnie, Timbs? Where's Donnie?"</p><p>Timber whines again, circling anxiously. The three run through the maze, led by Mickey. Heart thrumming, she sees two armored shapes standing by the open door of the bunker. She holds her arms out from her sides, stopping Ethan and Cap, holding them back and steering them to cover behind a triage of barrels.</p><p>"They're already fuckin' here," She says.</p><p>"We can't just sit here," Ethan says quickly.</p><p>"We're not," Mickey stands, aiming her rifle down. She fires a shot at one armored guard. His head explodes into a mist of red. Before the other can properly react, Mickey had loaded a second round into the chamber. The round hits him in the neck, bursting open the arteries, almost separating his head from his neck. Both bodies slump over one another in wet, dead heaps.</p><p>Mickey hops over the barrels, running for the entrance. She pushes through the opening.</p><p>Three barrels stare her down. She's grabbed by the front of her vest, and pulled in. She stumbles and rolls, attempting to punch one in the dick, but getting clocked in the cheek instead. Her vision blurs, tasting blood. One grabs her, forcing her to her feet with a strong hand on her arm.</p><p>"<em>Holy shit,</em>" He says.</p><p>Mickey's eyes dart between the armored slavers, eyeing their weapons. She looks beyond them, at a heap of a person, balled up with his face down near the stairs. She grits her teeth together.</p><p>And standing over him with a knife in her hand, dripping with something dark and fresh, was Scarlet. She wipes her knife on her pants, sheathing it, pushing between her crew with an almost childlike glee, smiling wide, stretching her pale skin. </p><p>"I told you," She says to her crew, refusing to move her cold, one - eyed gaze from Mickey, "This was worth our time."</p><p>They strip her of her weapons, letting her shotgun and her rifle clatter loudly and violently to the floor.</p><p>"God, she smells like a dead body."</p><p>One draws a knife, "She's supposed to be one, isn't she?"</p><p>"No," Scarlet says, hard as a diamond, "We can't kill her. She's worth more alive than all our weights combined," She paces closer, leaning in, towering over Mickey and her lean frame, "You had all the Highwaymen convinced you were dead, Twin. Why risk it all by coming back here?"</p><p>Mickey keeps quiet, ripping her eyes away from Scarlet to focus on Donnie. He looked fucking <em>horrible</em>. His back was littered with cuts and scars, bleeding over his bandages and the floor. He doesn't move. Guilt sinks like a stone in her gut. She pulls against the guard holding her.</p><p>"He's alive," Scarlet says, "For now," She tilts her head, "I didn't realize you and Donnie were such good friends," She squints her eyes, "Was he the one hiding you all this time?"</p><p>"He's got nothing to do with me," Mickey says adamantly, "That's who you want, right? Me?"</p><p>Scarlet blinks, "Check outside."</p><p><em>Goddamnit</em>.</p><p>Two leave. From outside, Mickey hears shouting, and pushed inside is Ethan and Cap, the two slavers holding their arms tightly. Timber was circling between their legs, growling. Scarlet greets them with a smile, pacing up to them. Mickey sees that Cap's eyes are flicking between her, and Scarlet, while Ethan is looking right past her, directly at Donnie's crumpled form.</p><p>Scarlet nudges her head towards him, "Go on. Since you're so concerned with the health of your friends."</p><p>Ethan is pushed forward by the brute holding him. He doesn't hesitate to rush towards Donnie, sliding on his knees up to him. Donnie stirs slightly, picking his head up. Ethan cradles his face, then moves, touching along the scarring of his back. He takes off his sweater, then his undershirt, using it to stop the bleeding.</p><p>"How'd you get out?" Scarlet asks Cap.</p><p>"You have shit security," Cap answers. Timber growls, moving between the two.</p><p>Scarlet laughs. She then sighs, putting her hands on her hips, "Yeah. I thought two guards would be enough. Serves me right but," She shrugs, "I think it worked out."</p><p>"I don't know what you're getting by taking Mickey. Highwaymen work just fine without her."</p><p>Again, Scarlet laughs, "Are you <em>stupid</em>? Look around! The Highwaymen are falling apart. They weren't meant to survive without a brain leading them. Those country bumpkins out West took the Twins out, and now the rest of the Highwaymen are running around like headless chickens!" She motions to Donnie, still being tended to by Ethan, "They've got people leaving left and right, turning to just plain raiders. There's no direction. No order."</p><p>Cap frowns, "So....You're looking to put Mickey back in power?"</p><p>"Are you kidding?" She shakes her head, "They'd shoot her dead before she could sit in her big, important chair again. My plan is to get every fucking Highwaymen head honcho to collect their stupid asses in one place, and sit down, and work on their very short, very reckless lives before it all comes crashing down."</p><p>Mickey's eyes dart around the room. There's one slaver holding her, one holding Cap, Scarlet. Ethan was using his now - bloodied shirt to try to stop Donnie's bleeding. A third slaver was over them, but focused on Scarlet and the spectacle she was making with Mickey and Cap instead of his two charges. Mickey's gaze draws to the two young men on the floor, seeing the handle of the pistol she gave Ethan form under his shirt in the back of his waistband. <em>C'mon, Eden, turn around!</em></p><p>"You see my crew here? Used to be a whole lot of us. Twenty people, almost thirty some years," She motions to the room, "This is all that's left. Slaving isn't so good, now that the Highwaymen aren't using all their farms and factories, letting 'em collect dust. Not enough bodies, and not enough people with drive to run 'em. I've got guys leaving left and right because there's no work, and where there's no work, there's no supplies coming in - "</p><p>"Could just start a farm - "</p><p><em>Whap</em>, Scarlet backhands Cap across her cheek. Timber barks, and growls. Mickey strains against the arm on her, getting pulled back roughly. Cap straightens herself, tongue darting out to lick the new cut on her lip. Her cheek was bright red underneath streaked and dried mud. She stared at Scarlet blankly, as if the blow never happened.</p><p>"I've been making myself a name since the Twins were running around, hugging mommy's skirt. I'm not letting it all go down the fucking drain because these grunts want to play raider," She sighs through her nose, composing herself. She turns around, pointing at the guard over Ethan and Donnie, "Get them in the truck."</p><p>"Hey hey hey," Mickey argues, "You've already got me. No reason to do all this shit."</p><p>"The tall one is still able - bodied, and Donnie will make a nice appetizer before we bring you in," She draws her pretty, pearl - handed pistol, "But, Blondie isn't worth anything at all with a lame arm," She gives Mickey a soft grin, "Don't worry. I'll make it quick"</p><p>Mickey feels ice cold. Her mind races with what ifs, what could've beens, what had beens. If only she just went it alone.</p><p>She watches as the slaver at the stairs grabs Ethan's arm, hauling him to his feet. He cradles the bloody shirt against his chest, pushed forward, his eyes burning like two, angry, dying suns. Everything was turning to shit, way too fast, Mickey eyeing the two holding her and Cap. She could try and grab at the sheathed knives on their belts. But, Scarlet's quick draw might get her before it could leave the sleeve. She searches around the room. There was always a way out, always a solution to a problem, she just needed to find it.</p><p>As Ethan is led forward, Scarlet stops him, "Don't look so sad, kiddo. You're a medic!" She pinches his cheek, "That's worth a lot around here."</p><p>Ethan clears his throat, sniffing, "Uhm, Scarlet?"</p><p>"Yeah? What?"</p><p>He unclenches his hand from the bloody bundle in his arms. He holds out a closed fist, "I think this is yours."</p><p>She eyes him, huffing, amused, "Oh? What I'd drop?" She holds out her open palm, "An earring? Maybe a button?"</p><p>Ethan's hand opens.</p><p>And he drops the pin to a grenade into hers.</p><p>The entire room drops into a deadly silence. Ethan lets the bloody shirt drop to the floor, revealing a grenade, fingers firm over the lock.</p><p>Mickey and Cap lock eyes. <em>Holy shit,</em> Cap mouths.</p><p>Scarlet blinks. She huffs a loud, loud laugh, baring her teeth in a smile, which devolves into a snarl. She shoots her hand out, "Give me that - "</p><p>Ethan rips away from the slaver holding him, stepping back, taking off two fingers from the lock, "Ah, ah, ah," He says, "One more step, and we're all getting blown up."</p><p>"You wouldn't."</p><p>Ethan takes one of his two fingers on the lock off, shaking it, "Oh, I wouldn't?" He points at the slavers holding Cap and Mickey, "You two. Release them. Now."</p><p>They don't hesitate to release their tight grips. Scarlet doesn't say anything, staring at Ethan with a hateful eye. Mickey and Cap walk backwards towards Ethan, Mickey picking up her rifle and shotgun.</p><p>Mickey leans into him, "Where the Hell'd you get that?" She rubs her sore arm.</p><p>"Donnie took it from my bag," He answers in a quick, harsh whisper. He clears his throat, "I want you to drop your weapons," He says, loudly and clearly.</p><p>They do, all sorts clattering down. Even Scarlet's pretty pearl revolver. The pin to the grenade slips out of her fingers. Cap grabs it, circling it on her finger. Scarlet's good eye bore through the three like a drill.</p><p>Scarlet rolled her shoulders, "So? What now?" She gestures out, "You have all the cards at the moment."</p><p>"I want you dead," He growls out. Cap reaches into his waistband, grabbing his pistol, and aiming it forward.</p><p>Outside, lightning cracked like a whip, thunder shaking the clouds.</p><p>A lightbulb goes off above her head. She shoulders her rifle, crossing her arms, "I think we should let 'em go."</p><p>Her two partners look at her. Then, again, thunder claps. There's a long pause, then an answer from Cap, "I think you're right."</p><p>"Way too much work. Should just let nature handle them," Mickey elbows Ethan gently, "What'd'you think?"</p><p>He inhales deeply, nostrils flaring. He plugs all of his fingers back on the grenade, "They aren't worth the bullets," He says, sourly.</p><p>"Yeah," Cap agrees. She lowers her gun, shrugging, "And, hey, this is probably the best route to go. Consider this a second chance. You might even be able to it back to your base before the radiation gets ya'."</p><p>"Hope you got good shielding on that car," Mickey waves at them, "Get going."</p><p>Scarlet points at them, agitated, "This isn't over."</p><p>"I think it is, actually."</p><p>"Maybe with me. Where were you headed to, Mickey? Michigan? Visiting Mommy? That's a lot of ground to cover, and a whole lot of Highwaymen between. You think you'll just walk right into the epicenter of your kind and hope you'll make it out without someone spotting you?"</p><p>"We'll make it," Cap insists, "And you better hope we don't see you again. Next time, we won't be so nice."</p><p>With her tail tucked between her legs, Scarlet motions for the door with her head. Her cronies follow. As soon as the last slips out, Ethan turns to Cap, holding the grenade out with both hands, "<em>Put the fucking pin in</em>," He spits quickly.</p><p>"I got it, I got it," Cap carefully plugs the pin back in, taking it. As soon as it's out of his palm, Ethan dashes towards a crate marked with a red cross, rifling through. He runs to Donnie, with his arms full, tending to him.</p><p>Believing Donnie is in capable hands, Mickey closes the bunker door. The dent Cap's boot left in it is still clear as day. When it's closed, she turns to see Cap, Ethan, and Timber all looking over Donnie on the floor. He had bandages stuck to his back, which quickly became dark with blood.</p><p>"I hope she dies a long, long, painful death," Ethan mutters. Mickey isn't sure if they're meant to hear, "Fucking wretched. I hope the radiation boils her inside out," He stands, hooking an arm under Donnie's trying to pull him up. He throws an angry look over his shoulder, "For shit's sake, Mickey, help me!"</p><p>She takes up Donnie's other side. They carefully descend the stairs, heading to the infirmary. Donnie flickered in and out of consciousness.</p><p>"I didn't tell them anything," He mumbles, "Nothin'."</p><p>Mickey pats the hand that was draped lazily over her shoulder, "They already knew, man. They already knew," She wishes she just stayed put. <em>If I didn't leave, he'd only have that shoulder to worry about right now.</em> Well, that might've not been true. Scarlet's crew would've still come. If Mickey wasn't prepared they easily could've overpowered her.</p><p>They get him into the infirmary. He could barely sit himself up in his cot.</p><p>"Who knows where that knife has been," Ethan mumbles, to no one in particular. He shoves pillows into Donnie's lap, giving him something to lean forward over. He grabs a bottle of pills from the nightstand table, helping Donnie swallow them with a some water.</p><p>"What're those?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Pain killers," Ethan walks off, opening a cabinet, and grabbing bottles of antiseptic, "Give him a strip to bite into."</p><p>Lacking leather strips nearby, Mickey grabs a pillow from an adjoining cot. She stuffs it into Donnie's face. As she holds it, she leans over, watching Ethan peel off the bloody bandages from Donnie's back. At first, Mickey thought the cuts were random attempts to draw out information, but getting a good look, she's horrified to see that they make out a word, engraved into him in big, sharp letters. <em>Traitor</em>.</p><p>Mickey wishes she just blew Scarlet's head off instead of releasing her into a natural microwave. Radiation poisoning was way too good a death for her.</p><p>Ethan drenches a rag in cleanser, dabbing it onto the cuts on Donnie's back. He yells out, muffled, his good arm grasping at Mickey's sleeve.</p><p>"Don't be a baby," Mickey says, "Just some chemicals," She rubs over his hand. She wouldn't admit it, but she liked Donnie. He was more than fair to her throughout her life, and even now. Highwaymen had her dead to rights. He had every right to call her in, capture her, kill her, beat her and hang her corpse up above the front gates to his encampment. But he didn't. Donnie was too decent a man.</p><p>"Some of these are really deep," Ethan laments. He quickly washes his hands, wiping them on a clean rag, "And wide," Agitated, he throws open the doors to a cabinet, taking out another box, showing off sewing needles and spools of thread, "Too large to be quick cuts," He sets up the box on the night table, "I hope her eyeballs pop like grapes in her head while she's still breathing," His hands shake as he tries to thread the needle. He then stops, staring at Mickey, "Do you <em>mind</em>?"</p><p>"Oh, you want me to leave?" She huffs, "<em>Me</em>?"</p><p>"No, I want you to stand there and breathe down my neck - <em>yes</em>! Get out!"</p><p> Mickey stands straight, pointing at him, "This only happened because you put Scarlet on my tail!"</p><p>"It's not <em>my</em> fault that you decided the leave the bunker, leaving him alone  - "</p><p>"If I didn't you and Cap would still be in Scarlet's cages - "</p><p>Red in the face, Ethan bares his teeth, "I - "</p><p>"That's enough!" Cap yells out, her voice bouncing off the sterile walls. She crowded the doorway to the infirmary, "What the fuck is all this fighting gonna do? Is it gonna make Donnie's shit heal any faster?"</p><p>Mickey and Ethan fall silent. Ethan turns away, still trying to thread his needle. Mickey rubs a hand on Donnie's arm, cheeks burning as she turns on her heel. She heads out of the infirmary.</p><p>Shoving her hands into her pockets, Mickey follows Cap, "How's the hand?"</p><p>"Hurts," Cap did not look happy, "I can't leave either of you alone for five minutes."</p><p>"Fuck you," She brushes past her, heading to the showers. She strips off her guns, belt, all her equipment, dropping it all in the hallway to clean later. She strips off her clothes, leaving a trail behind her.</p><p>The shower is hot, almost boiling, the perfect temperature she needed. She scrubbed at her skin, thinking about Donnie, <em>poor fucking Donnie</em>, and Cap's busted fucking hand, <em>poor fucking Cap.</em> She didn't think things were going to be easier, but it sucked to see people who've stuck by her get hurt because of their journey. <em>Her</em> journey. The one she should be facing alone.</p><p>By the time she's done her sulking and drying herself off, Cap walks in. She greets Mickey with a soft look and a thin grin.</p><p>"I brought you some clean clothes," She holds out bundles in her arms.</p><p>"Thanks," Mickey takes them, "How's Donnie?"</p><p>"Asleep," Cap sits in a chair nearby, out of the range of the showers, "I think he was safer in Bucket Valley than with us."</p><p>Mickey doesn't have much to say on that matter. She nods in weak agreement, pulling on her clothes. Cap shifts, cradling her bad hand.</p><p>"We're gonna give Donnie a few days, then we'll leave," She says, "Try to hijack a truck to make the trip easier."</p><p>"Cap," Mickey ties her shoes, "I think it's easier if you three just stay here."</p><p>Her frown deepens, "Huh?"</p><p>"Donnie's all fucked, your hand is fucked, Ethan's gonna need all his brainpower to make sure the two of you don't die from infection," She grabs her equipment, carrying it to the weapon stockroom, where there was a workbench where she could clean her guns and belt, "I'm not saying you're slowing me down, but if we get caught like that again - "</p><p>"We aren't going to," Cap replies strongly, "We'll be careful."</p><p>"Ethan's grenade trick isn't going to work twice. You realize that, right?" Mickey maneuvers through the cramped stock.</p><p>"We're fighters, Mick, we've got this - "</p><p>"We don't got this, Cap," She responds, twisting around agitated, "You think Scarlet and her slavers are bad, just wait until we get further in. It's just gonna get more dangerous, and more fucked up," And she would know. She lived with it. She turns back around, dumping her equipment on the workbench.</p><p>"I promised that I'd see you to Michigan - " Cap argues.</p><p>"This is going past petty fuckin' promises, Cap," She twists around again, "You could've been fucking killed. Or worse."</p><p>"I would've been fine."</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey motions to her broken wrist, "Things went real fine," She motions to her, "We get caught with our pants down again, is your Gift gonna save us? Are you gonna run up and start taking people out like you've still got both your fucking hands?"</p><p>Cap doesn't answer. Her lips are in a tight, thin line. Mickey turns back around, taking some weapon cleaner, and an old rag, bringing up her sniper rifle.</p><p>"I'm gonna get my shit ready, I'm gonna sleep, and then I'm leaving. All you have to do is stay here until I get back. Then we can all hug it out and go back West."</p><p>She waits, blood pounding between her ears.</p><p>Cap's boots sound so loud on the concrete floor as she walks away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>my head HURRTTTSSSS AAAHHHHHHHH</p><p>thanks for reading :) !!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>helppppp lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cap bounces her leg, leaning over and staring at the ground. She fucked up everything. She fucked up her trust with Ethan, she fucked up helping Donnie, and she fucked up her promise with Mickey. She felt like she was circling the emotional drain, watching everything crumble around her. </p><p>But, it was better to focus on one problem at a time. She's sure if she gives Mickey the space she needs, Mickey will change her tune in a few hours. Or, at least, Cap hopes she does. This felt different than the usual disagreements they have. Cap isn't sure she can charm Mickey through it. Timber was at her feet, leaning against her. She bends over more, petting him.</p><p>"Good boy, Timbs," She mutters, "Good boy."</p><p>She was sitting outside the infirmary, waiting for Ethan to finish up with Donnie. She thinks of what to say to him, but, nothing good comes to mind. She waits, and waits. After an hour, she hears the run of a sink. Then, Ethan pokes his head out. He quickly glances at Cap, motioning her into the infirmary.</p><p>"How's Donnie?" She asks, bouncing up. Timber sticks to her heels as they walk into the room. Donnie was in his bed, held up by a series of slings that were taped to the ceiling so he sat upright in his bed. His face was slack. </p><p>"He'll be out for a few hours," Ethan responds, curt. He leads her into the back of the room, sitting her down in a chair. Timber sits at her feet, leaning his head on her thigh. On a table are a water bucket, unrolled bandages, scissors, and a myriad of other medical supplies.</p><p>"We need to fix a cast on you," He says, "If we don't, your wrist will never heal right."</p><p>She nods, staring at his face. He refuses to make eye contact with her, readying the bandages. He opens a pill bottle, shaking one out and holding it up between his fingers.</p><p>"Take it this time," He places it in her open palm. She swallows it dry. He takes the scissors, holding his hand out for Cap to extend hers. He takes it gently, holding it in his lap. He cuts away the bandages, revealing the wound underneath.</p><p>Her wrist looked <em>disgusting</em>. It was red, skin still broken, dirt and mud matting her bloody skin. She grimaced. It looked worse than it was, all wounds did, but staring at her own broken skin made Cap's skin crawl. Ethan dips a clean rag into the water bucket, wiping away the dirt and blood. She flinches, but, soon, her senses started to go numb, and she barely registered the feeling of warm water and a soft rag on her broken wrist. Once Ethan is satisfied that it's clean, he throws the rag away, and grabs another, dousing it with antiseptic. He wipes down her wound. She barely flinches at the sting.</p><p>Cap clears her throat, "So - "</p><p>"Do you really see me as that cruel?" He asks, voice low, as if it could hide his hurt, "That'd I'd throw everything away to save my own skin?"</p><p>With shame, Cap fidgets. She bounces her leg, tipping her head low so the brim of her hat hid his face, "I did," She scratches Timber's head.</p><p>Ethan doesn't respond. He throws the rag of antiseptic away. He takes out a roll of stockinette, measuring it against Cap's arm. He wraps it around her palm, cutting a space for her thumb to poke out of. He tapes it down, then takes a roll of padding, silently following the path of the stockinette.</p><p>She sighs through her nose, "You can have Judge's journal," She says, "It's yours. You should have it."</p><p>"I don't want it just because you were caught with it," He replies bitterly, "Believe me, as much as I'd like to take it, it's useless to me right now. The Judge gave it to you. That means there's something in there they need you to find, and not me."</p><p>She shifts again, "I was gonna tell you when I finished," She said smally. She felt like a child in kindergarten, being scolded by the teacher.</p><p>Ethan reaches into the water bucket, wringing out a roll of padding, "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"</p><p>"Guess not."</p><p>He begins to wrap the wet padding around her wrist, "But when you're finished, I'd like it."</p><p>"'Course."</p><p>With the wrapping finishes, he steps away, "Give this a day to dry."</p><p>"Right," She stands from the chair. He starts to walk away, only for Cap to grab his hand, and squeeze tight, "Hey." She says, "I'm sorry, Eth."</p><p>"You can keep your sorries," He says quietly, looking down, "I....I need time for this," He tugs his hand out of hers, "I - I need time to think."</p><p>"Think about what?"</p><p>"About how much I really trust you."</p><p>Cap sucks in air through her teeth, closing her eyes and sighing. She swallows bitterly, "Sure," She leaves, Timber following at her heels. All that runs through her head is how badly she fucked everything up. She's supposed so be Ethan's friend, his confidant, not his handler, and sure as Hell not sneaky.</p><p>She meanders back to the bunk room, weakly picking a random bed, and lying down in it. Timber jumps up, next to her, tucked into her armpit. She gently strokes his fur, falling asleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey punches the wall next to the radiation meter at the bunker door. If she couldn't hear the thunder and wind outside, then she could definitely see the Geiger counter dip into the red.</p><p><em>Well. There goes my fuckin' plan</em>. She slept a few hours in the supply room, and hoped that everyone else was getting some well - needed rest. She was hoping she could dip and run before anyone noticed. She taps her foot, rolling her tongue over her teeth. Seemed like she'd just have to wait until the weather cleared up. Which, unfortunately for her, could take days. It'd just make leaving Cap harder.</p><p>And Donnie. And Ethan.</p><p>But, the real concern was Cap. Donnie and Ethan were at least smart enough to admit when a loss was a loss. But not Cap. Cap didn't always have a plan, but she always had drive. She always had hope.</p><p>Mickey sets her equipment down, and slinks away from the front door. Might as well eat, and get some more sleep. Before she does, though, she checks in on Donnie. In the infirmary, he was fast asleep, sitting up in some slings that were haphazardly hung from the ceiling so he wouldn't be laying on his back, and wouldn't be putting any pressure on his bullet wound. He looked like a stuffed animal hung from the roof of a crane game. He snores in his sleep, drool dribbling down his chin. </p><p>She walks over, taking a corner of his blanket and wiping the drool away. He doesn't stir. <em>Out cold. Good.</em> She fixes the pillows under his knees, then leaves, wearily carrying herself to the bunks. As she goes, she passes another supplies room she hadn't checked out yet. As she passes the doorway, she hears something fall. She pauses, stepping back to peer into the room. Things are quiet, then something else falls in the back of the room, followed by swearing.</p><p>She enters, slowly making her way towards the back. She passes by supply boxes, squeezing through tight spaces. As she gets closer, the swearing gets louder, and she finally recognizes the voice. It's Ethan. The Hell's he doing? The back of the stockroom was where the Highwaymen usually kept food, and water. Mickey witnesses Ethan raiding a crate, one marked in big, graffitied letters BOOZE. Bottles were at his feet, scattered around, most of them full, some empty. Ethan moves one foot back, still searching through the box. He accidentally hits a bottle, and it falls, rolling towards Mickey. She stops it with her sneaker, picking it up. It's a Highwaymen brand beer labeled TOXIC FEESH with a painted blue angler fish sticker slapped on.</p><p>"Thought you didn't like drinking?" Mickey asks.</p><p>Ethan jumps, knocking over more bottles. They scatter and roll away in different directions. He turns around quickly, a bottle in his hand, "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I heard you busting bottles and thought I'd investigate," She shrugs, "Looks like things are fine."</p><p>He frowns, then turns back to the crate, searching. He lowers the hand holding the bottle. The top was open, some liquid pouring out.</p><p>"You a fan of beer now?" Mickey asks him, stepping closer</p><p>"I'm not," He answers, slightly slurring, "I <em>hate</em> it."</p><p>"That why some of these are empty?" She lightly nudges a bottle at her foot</p><p>Ethan sinks to the concrete floor, "It was this, or the Bliss oil," He drinks from his bottle, then grimaces at the taste. He waves a hand, looking away, "<em>Leave me alone</em>," He laments, somewhat dramatically.</p><p>"What the Hell had gotten into you?"</p><p>He pulls his knees up, "My best friend has been lying to me for - for -" He motions with the bottle, liquid flying out, "<em>Weeks</em>, and I had no idea."</p><p>Mickey crosses her arms, "I mean, can you blame her? Look at you. Shameful."</p><p>"Oh, I'm shameful?" He smiles, and huffs a soft laugh, "Yes, I am shameful," He drops his bottle. It doesn't break, but it spills the rest of its contents on the floor. He covers his face with his hands, pulling them down his cheeks, "<em>Shame. Full."</em></p><p>She sighs, "C'mon, man. Not the end of the world you get lied to."</p><p>He snaps his head to her. His eyes were wet and glossy, "Maybe not for <em>you</em>. I'm - I'm <em>shattered</em>," He grasps at his chest. His eyebrows crease together, frown deepening. He waves Mickey away, "You wouldn't understand," His voice dips into something tight, like he was holding back tears.</p><p>Mickey rolls her eyes, "Eden, c'mon. She makes....OK, not the <em>best</em> decisions all the time, but, you really think she'd hide it from you just to hurt you? That's not her."</p><p>He sniffs, "I don't know anymore. Is it?"</p><p><em>Jeez. This is deep</em>. She looks at the collection of bottles surrounding Ethan, like an army of glass soldiers. She didn't think Cap and Ethan's friendship would be the same when they escaped, but, she didn't expect to find him drowning himself to escape the pain of it. By all accounts, he looked like he was <em>grieving</em>. It was sad to see.</p><p>She sighs, "This isn't you, man. You want something to eat?"</p><p>"No," He says, picking up a different bottle, popping it open with a bottle cap opener he clumsily fishes from his pocket.</p><p>Mickey hated looking at him, all sad and pathetic - looking. She sighs again, shrugging, "Fine," She turns on her heel, "Donnie's awake, by the way. Thought I'd just let you know. But, seeing as you're busy - " She looks over her shoulder, freezing.</p><p>Ethan looked undone. His lips were pursed, big tears dripping down his cheeks. He wipes at his eyes with the heel of his palm</p><p>Uh oh. That sure wasn't what she wanted, "Hey hey hey - " She puts her hands up, "I was just kidding."</p><p><em>"I. Am. No. Good</em>," He laments, sprawling his legs out, "I'm a good - for - nothing, leeching, selfish, rude - "</p><p>"Oh, c'mon - "</p><p>He raises his arms, "I'm not even worth the air I breathe," His hand tips, pouring his beer out on the floor. He obliviously pulls it back, pulling his knees up, liquid still spilling out. He shoves his face into them, groaning sadly.</p><p>She sighs again. She lolls her head, looking up at the ceiling, her hands on her hips. In good conscious, she couldn't leave him alone like this. She walks to him, kneeling down, "It's gonna be alright, man, let's go."</p><p>As she gets closer, she hears him muttering to himself, and she notes that he smells like he was <em>bathing</em> in beer. She edges the bottle out of his hand putting it down. She takes his arm, draping it over her shoulder and hauling him up. He did not help her, almost dropping to the floor like the saddest, most miserable sack of potatoes this side of the country.</p><p>"You gotta help me out here, Eden."</p><p>"Who cares anymore?" He says, "What's the point if I don't have the respect of my friends?"</p><p>"You think acting like this is helping you out?" Mickey, somehow, gets through the supply room, knocking over bottles and stacked crates and whatever else she couldn't go around and in turn purposefully knocked it over.</p><p>They get out into the hallway. Ethan grumbles, "<em>Leave me in the hall,"</em> He says.</p><p>"Nah, we're puttin' somethin' in your belly to soak up all that booze," She starts in the direction of the kitchen, "You'll thank me when you're nursing that hangover tomorrow."</p><p>He grumbles more, but allows her to move him into the kitchen. She flops Ethan down next to the oven she was cooking on earlier.</p><p>"There," She gasps out, arms burning, "Fuck, Eden, what have you been eating?"</p><p>Ethan doesn't respond. Pathetically, he fixes himself, sitting upright. He picks at the sleeve of his sweatshirt, mouth a tight line.</p><p>Mickey sighs, "What is it now?"</p><p>"Nothing," He says.</p><p>"Cool," She searches the cabinets, "What're we thinking?"</p><p>"I think I'm an idiot."</p><p>"Can't have meat, that'll fuck you up tomorrow - " She pauses, "Huh, what did you say?"</p><p>He turns his head to her miserably, "I should've stayed in Prosperity. I wouldn't have known about Judge's journal until the Captain got back," He sniffs, "And Donnie wouldn't have gotten hurt."</p><p>"I think he'll be OK," She searches the cabinets for flour. She measures the flour in a bowl, mixing it with water, and eggs. She preps a pan, and takes out some butter, "And long as you're around, he'll heal just fine."</p><p>He picks at the ends of his sleeves, staring away from her, "When Donnie got shot, I felt this - this," He motions to his chest, "<em>Hole</em> in me. I was so scared for him."</p><p>Mickey pours batter into the pan, "We all were scared for him, Eden," She says. She'll never get that image of Donnie, gray and weak on the concrete floor, out of her head.</p><p>"The worry made my hands shake, Mickey," Ethan says,"I never experienced it before."</p><p>"Only natural. You've never been in a real gunfight like, and he's your first real gunshot victim," She nudges at the edges of the pancake in the pan. It was a little watery, but, she didn't think Ethan would mind.</p><p>"I meant that was my first time feeling like that," He draws it out slow, like the words pained him, "Had it been you, or the Captain, I would've felt differently, but with Donnie...." He shakes his head, "He seems so...so <em>gentle</em>, and seeing him hurt it...I...." He struggles to grasp the words.</p><p>Mickey clicks her tongue. She's not surprised. Maybe caught off guard, given the circumstances, but not surprised. She flips the flat pastry in her pan.</p><p>"Then Scarlet happened and..." He grits his teeth, "And it made me so, so mad and I just wanted to fucking kill her."</p><p>"We all wanted her blood," Mickey replies, "Would've liked nothing more than to carve her up the same way," She feels a tug on her pants. She looks down. Ethan had his face tilted away, fingers tight on her pantleg.</p><p>"Do you think he's mad at me?"</p><p>She blinks. She never thought Ethan cared about what other people thought about him. She shrugs, in response, paying attention to her pan, "Donnie doesn't hold grudges. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't know you even sent those slavers his way," She transfers the pancake to a plate, "Mad isn't in his vocabulary."</p><p>Ethan draws his knees up, "I've made such a fool of myself."</p><p>"Yeah. And guess what? We're gonna forget about it in, like, a couple days, when more important shit is going down."</p><p>He takes a deep breath, "Yeah. That. Right," He sniffs, "When are we leaving?"</p><p>"<em>We</em> aren't. I'm going alone."</p><p>"I don't think that's an option," He says, "We cannot stay here."</p><p>"Why? It's safe enough."</p><p>"There's more keys to the bunker. Not just the one Scarlet had," He exhales, "It's risky to leave, Cap and Donnie might catch infections, but it's risky to stay, too. I...I can't fight," He says, smally, "And neither can Cap. Her Gift is out of commission. Which means if we get ambushed, she won't be able to protect herself, or us."</p><p>Mickey frowns. She didn't think of Cap's Gift, and she didn't realize the Highwaymen were making copies of all the bunker keys. That meant that not only was the Skid Row bunker at risk, it also meant that every bunker on the way was at risk, too. She thinks, and thinks, and thinks. She finishes Ethan's second pancake, transferring it to a plate. She sighs, "How long would we have?"</p><p>"A week," He says, letting go of her pants, "I want it to be longer, but...."</p><p>She walks away, going to the sink. She grabs a glass from a cabinet, filling it up with water. She sets the pancakes and the water down on the floor next to Ethan. She stands up straight, "Don't worry about it, man. Cap n' Donnie are tough. They'll be ready to go by that time," She shoves her hands into her pockets, looking at the sad, sprawled form of Ethan, "You just eat and hope you soak up enough of that beer. I can already tell you're gonna be useless with a hangover in the morning."</p><p>Ethan looks up at her, "Wake me up before the sun rises? I need to change Donnie's bandages again in a few hours."</p><p>"Sure," She rustles his hair, then walks out of the kitchen, grabbing a jar of dried fruit and nuts on her way.</p><p>Too restless to sleep, she checks on Donnie again. He was still sleeping, head lolled, snoring loudly. She climbed into the empty cot adjacent to him, settling in and crossing her legs. She stared at him, chewing. He looked so....So <em>dead</em>, like an old, old ragdoll. Her eyes wandered away from him, to the rest of the room. She blinked at the guitar case in the chair Ethan usually occupied, propped up carefully and thoughtfully, like the case itself were an old friend, waiting for Donnie to wake up.</p><p>Quietly, she moves the jar of dried fruits and nuts to the side, standing. She walks over, grabs the case, and brings it back to her cot. She undoes the clasps, revealing the lovingly used, graffiti - tagged guitar. The wood was old, and pale, underneath the paint. Mickey knew how to play, and did so often before she and Lou took over when their dad passed. She didn't think she still had the ability, locked away somewhere underneath her survival skills and mechanical prowess.</p><p>She strums a few cords, humming. No song came from her lips, or from the strings of the guitar. She found comfort in the nonsense she murmured, in the directionless tunes her fingers played. She kept it soft, and quiet, propped up comfortably at the head of the bed. The weight of the day finally started to sag down on her. She lowered the guitar, leaning back on the bed.</p><p>"Hey, don't fall asleep with that in your lap," Donnie says, "It'll fall!"</p><p>Mickey sits back up. Donnie was, obviously, conscious, staring at her. She waves, "Sorry," She puts the guitar back in its case, walking it back to the chair it was propped up on originally, "How you feelin'?"</p><p>"Sore," He says, "Ethan used a <em>huge</em> needle."</p><p>She shivered, "Ugh," She goes over to the sink, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. There was a can of metal straws above the basin, and she grabs one, walking back over.</p><p>Donnie fidgeted out of his sling, reaching out, "Thanks, Mick."</p><p>"No problem," She hands the glass over, sitting by the end of the bed.</p><p>"Anything new?"</p><p>"Yeah. We'll have to leave in, like, a week. Ethan says there's other bunker keys floating around, so, we can't stay for so long."</p><p>"Damn. How're we getting around?"</p><p>"Walking. So...It's gonna be tough," She sighs, "I think we might have to head back West."</p><p>"What?" Donnie stares at her. His mouth falls open, "Are you fucking kidding me?"</p><p>"Just look at Cap. Fuck, look at <em>you</em>. Ethan's not gonna be able to protect you, and there's only so much I can do by myself. We have to turn back."</p><p>"Oh, so you're giving up? Just fucking like that?"</p><p>Mickey stands, "You want me to say it? Fine. I'm fucking <em>giving up</em>. The weather is gonna be worse, the Highwaymen are gonna be fucking awful, the slavers are gonna be crawling all over the roads, and where there's none of that, we'll get our asses shanked in our sleep by raiders. We have to turn back."</p><p>"We can't turn back!"</p><p>"It's not up to you, Don."</p><p>He reaches out, latching onto her sleeve, "Mick, c'mon, <em>think</em> about this. You've been travelling for like a <em>month</em> to get here, and now you're a five days walk away, right on the finish line, and you're just gonna give up?"</p><p>Finally, Mickey admits the horrid truth that she's been dwelling on, ripping away from him, "It's not fucking worth you guys getting killed over! It's not worth a damn! It's just..." She clenches her fists, "It's not worth your lives."</p><p>Donnie stares at her. His frown is deep, crinkling the scar on his lip, "You're being an idiot."</p><p>"If you weren't already fucked up, I'd beat your ass."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm all fucked up. And I still wanna see you to Michigan and get you to your mom. I'm not insisting on turning back, because I care about you," He pokes her in her chest, "There's a big, gaping fuckin' hole in your chest, and it's never gonna close until you get your closure."</p><p>Mickey stares at him like her gaze could cause his head to burst in a big, meaty explosion. Her cheeks burn. Before she can smack it away, Donnie pulls his hand back.</p><p>"How long did Ethan give us before we gotta go?"</p><p>"Seven days."</p><p>"Yeah? Tell him we only need three."</p><p>She huffs, "Don't start actin' tough now, Don."</p><p>"We get a vehicle, we cut our time in half."</p><p>"Not if we get stopped."</p><p>"But not if we grab one made by the Highwaymen," He leans forward, "How many were left at Scarlet's place?"</p><p>"Two."</p><p>"Here's what I'm thinking," He shifts again, "Tomorrow, you scope out her stronghold, see what's up. Scarlet and her crew might've died on the way, and if they did, that leaves all that space undefended. And if there's only two guys left, it should be easy to take them out. They're probably anxious to see Scarlet back, so, they'll be distracted, and there's only two, not enough to keep an eye on all angles. We get one of their cars, we get spray paint, and extra fuel, and, boom," He claps softly, "Nobody's the wiser."</p><p>She eyes him.</p><p>"And that's just the hard part. Highwaymen don't know I'm deserting them, remember? We can still play up the '<em>messengers delivering a package to the Twin's mom'</em> angle. It'll be easy to get into the city, get out, nobody will know."</p><p>She rolls her shoulders, still unconvinced.</p><p>"Listen, Mick," He reaches out, grabbing her sleeve again, "You've done nothing but bully me, like, my whole life. But I know that's not you anymore. You are so, so different, and it's for the better. And I know you can't do it alone."</p><p>Mickey sighs through her nose. She sits back down on the bed.</p><p>Donnie socks her gently in the arm, "That's what I'm talkin' about. You wanna go tell Cap?"</p><p>"She's sleeping, I'll tell her tomorrow."</p><p>"Where's Ethan?"</p><p>"Busy. You get some sleep," She ruffles his hair, earning herself a frustrated sigh from him. She stands, "You need help getting back into this sex swing?"</p><p>"Don't fucking call it that," He says, "But I got it."</p><p>"Great. Goodnight, Don," She stands, walking out of the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Judge's leathers weighed heavy on them, sagging them down to the shore. They swam the expanse of the river to get to the other side, and their muscles burned. They collapsed onto the wet sand, turning onto their back. They lifted their weathered wooden mask, sucking in air. They took a quick, thirty second break, then picked themself up from the ground, continuing their task.</p><p>They shuffled through the trees, exhausted, navigating overgrown forest, until they finally located the dirt path they needed. They let it lead them forward, fighting their weary, pained body.</p><p>Dutch's bunker was rusted, and old, but it was his. They inhaled, exhaled, then walked closer. Judge gripped the handle of the bunker door, pulling. The old, old metal creaked and groaned, like it could crack at any moment. They haul it open, letting the door fall with a thunderous groan. A pitch black darkness met the Judge, tempting them inside.</p><p>Carefully, they descend, old concrete soaking up their steps, kicking up dirt and dust. Stale air filled their lungs, the shadow cast by the sun behind them swallowed up by the dark. They looked to the wall, fingers finding a breaker. They flip a switch.</p><p>The bunker whirs to life. The hum of an old, old generator bounced off the walls, flicking on low, dying bulbs fixed to hanging sockets. </p><p>Judge thinks about how they always could've come to the bunker and retrieve Joseph's book, but never did. Out of spite, some of it, but most of it was the painful memories that arose whenever they thought of the island, so full of memories, so full of regrets. It made Judge want to rip their skin off.</p><p>Visions flashed in their mind's eyes. Judge can still see the bunker in its glory days, filled with warmth and humanity, with furniture and some semblance of care. They continue on, hearing phantom voices. Dutch, a radio buzzing about Peggie activity, the Whitehorse radio, DJ'd by Wheaty. The Peggie radio, singing songs of the Seeds, Joseph's sermons, the shake of the world outside as it was blasted apart. The bunker shifted underneath their feet, as if threatening to spin onto its head. Judge kept a hand to the wall, following the hallway to where they needed to go.</p><p>They avoid Dutch's bedroom like the plague. The energy made them sick, turning their insides. They went to a closed bunker door. It used to lead to Dutch's office, a table with maps and letters and memories. They grasped the handle, turning it, rust flaking off and coating their gloves. It groaned open. A single bulb from the ceiling swayed, casting long shadows. It was empty, besides a bare table, and one locker in the corner. Dread consumed the Judge. The loud clank and hum of the bunker generator became nothing but background noise to the pulse of the Judge's heart in their own ears.</p><p>Joseph Seed had done nothing but torture them, but, at least he let them do this. For good behaviour, they guess.</p><p>They walk inside, dragging a finger across the table in the center. They rub thick dust between their fingers. They gauged that nobody, besides Cap, had been inside the bunker, and it looked like she only retrieved Joseph's book. They look at the bare walls. <em>What did Joseph do with all that paper? His maps? His letters?</em></p><p>They approached the locker, hands shaking. They lift the pin out of the lock, slowly opening the door. Rust flaked off, and so did years worth of dust and debris.</p><p>They step back, looking at Dutch, his body left to rot in some shitty locker, where nobody knew where he was, where nobody knew what happened to him. At some point, his sinew withered away, and now he was collapsed in a heap of bones and moth - eaten fabric at the bottom of the locker. Judge drops to their knees, taking his skull, handling it as if it could disintegrate at any moment. They turned it in their hands. There was a big, caved - in spot at the back of his head. Caved his skull in. Joseph never truly told Judge what happened to Dutch, but they guessed what went on. Joseph came into the bunker, and Dutch expected it to be Judge, making him an easy, unsuspecting target.</p><p>Gently, they return Dutch's skull to the rest of his body. They strip off their mask, their leather coat, and their shirt, leaving them only in their pants and boots. They exit the room, going into a small, shallow supplies closet. They grab a shovel, rusted and old, and go back upstairs.</p><p>It's a fantastically sunny day on such a dreary, dreary morning. Judge spends a few minutes seeking a spot. Somewhere in the sun, a reprieve from the lifetime of darkness. They finally settle on an open, grassy knoll, just a few feet from the bunker, sat perfectly where the shade of the trees didn't touch.</p><p>They lodge the tip of the shovel into the earth. <em>Should've done this a long time ago.</em></p><p>By the time they were finished, day had turned into a deep, depressing night. It took hours to complete, Judge unable to stop, even as their arms stung with numbness and they were sure every ounce of water in their body poured out with their sweat. The sky darkened into a dark velvet blanket dotted with stars.</p><p>They took large rocks, creating a pit near the entrance of the bunker, and filled it with dry leaves and stick. They took a flint and steel, creating fire. It burned hot, giving them light. They quickly went downstairs. They took a rusted, old crowbar, and jammed it into a crate that was pushed against the wall, pulling the boards off. They took rope, fashioning together a cross. They went back up, and kneeled by the fire, taking the knife off their belt, carving in words with as delicate a hand they could muster.</p><p>
  <strong>RICHARD "DUTCH" ROOSEVELT</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>BELOVED FATHER, BELOVED GRANDFATHER, BELOVED FRIEND</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>BELOVED</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>1953 - 2018</strong>
</p><p>Judge stared at their handwriting. Deciding it was a worthy headstone, they took it to the grave, and dug another small hole at the head. They stuck the cross into the ground, packing the base tightly with dirt.</p><p>They stepped back, viewing their work. The cross was upright, and was not crooked. The sides of the grave were even, and deep enough that animals would not disturb the contents inside, and floods would not carry the contents away. They made a mental note to plant flowers around the perimeter. <em>Would Dutch like flowers?</em> They wonder. Maybe he wouldn't care. Maybe it would be the thought that counted. Or, maybe he would hate it. They can imagine his voice in their mind<em>, You left me flowers at my grave? Like some pet dog that got put down?</em> Judge huffs a laugh. Then they wish they were dead.</p><p>They head back into the bunker. They pilfer the rooms for unused candles, and head back up, creating a path from the entrance, directly to the grave, lighting each one with their flint and steel. They head back inside, back into Dutch's room.</p><p>Careful, and lovingly, they wrapped Dutch's bones in his jacket. They took his boots, his pants, his dogtags, and his glasses. They held him tight in their arms as they ascended the stairs. There was no moon shining down on them, the night dark, and cold. They stuck to the aisle of candles that led to his final resting place, moving across the ground soundlessly, as if they were made of the shadows that the flames made dance.</p><p>They jumped into the grave, carefully laying Dutch down in his final bed. They lay out his clothes, then lay down his bones as correctly as they could on top. They fold his glasses over his ribcage. One lens was cracked, frame bent. Not the best burial item, but, they couldn't bear not leaving it with him. Judge sits up on their knees, looking down at him. They fix him up a little more. He looked as good as a skeleton could. At least he was a whole skeleton, and not just half of one.</p><p>Lastly, they look at his dog tags. They had their hand clasped around it so tightly. They rub their thumb over the tags, feeling the words stamped into the faded metal. They slip it into their pocket. They would keep it, just for now.</p><p>Judge prays, for an hour, and then hops out of the grave. They grab their shovel, filling in the grave. It takes them almost just as long as emptying it did. By the time it's filled, Judge packing the dirt tightly and evenly on the surface, sun was rising, morning mist closing up the empty spaces between the trees. The candles had burned out into hard, waxy puddles.</p><p>They overlook their work, then collapse next to Dutch. They laid on their back, staring at the light - colored sky.</p><p>"<em>I'll never forgot what you've done for me</em>," They mouth, unable to speak, <em>"I'll do what I can to make it right."</em></p><p>As they lay there, Judge realizes that they could just....Stay. Stay on Dutch's island. The deer still roamed, and the fishing was well. They could always gut Dutch's bunker, and live inside. Or, if that was too painful, there was plenty of wood to build themself a shelter. They could get away with it, too. Nobody else could reach this island, not even Joseph's Chosen, thanks to the clouds of Bliss.</p><p>But that would just be running away. They still had things to do, people to avoid, Cap's to wait for. They couldn't stay, no matter how much that small, weary voice in the back of their head yelled at them about it.</p><p>For now, though, they relax into the soft earth, and close their eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me fucking WRINGING judge's neck im choking them out. emotionally.</p><p>mickey epic mean dyke moments &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hahahahaha lol.......:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cap wakes up. She feels like shit, every inch of her body aching. She sits up, looking around. All of the beds were made, not a sign of anyone sleeping in them recently. Timber was gone, as well, leaving Cap completely alone. She stands, grabbing some spare clothes, and heads for the shower. She slips on an oversized rubber glove to cover her cast, using duct tape to close the opening. She washes away blood, and muck, and grime. She wonders if Mickey was still around, or if she left already. She hoped she stayed, at least long enough for Cap to eek out a meager goodbye.</p><p>After her shower, Cap wanders into the kitchen, hoping to see Mickey. She doesn't. She eats some dry jerky, and drinks some water. Hunger sated, and still warm from her shower, she decides to head back to bed. She peeks into the infirmary, checking in on Donnie. He was awake, reading a bent paperback. Ethan was asleep at his bedside, leaned over, his head almost in Donnie's lap. Donnie was gently threading his fingers through Ethan's hair, quietly reading.</p><p>Without a sound, Cap pulls back, heading back to the bunks. She peeks into the kitchen again, the supply room, the showers. No sign of Mickey. She cradles her bad arm, heading to her bed. Once she crosses the threshold, she notices a shape, upright in her bed. Mickey was patiently sitting at one end, Timber in her lap, scratching behind his ears. She notices Cap, picking her head up.</p><p>"Hi, Cap," Mickey says.</p><p>"Hi," Cap replies, "Glad to see you're still here."</p><p>"Yeah. Can't leave just yet," Timber stirs in her lap. He hops down, pattering out of the room. Mickey motions Cap over, "C'mere."</p><p>Cap carefully walks over to her. As she gets closer, she notices Mickey is out of her travelling clothes, boots and armor off. She was wearing boxers, and a loose tank top. Cap sits down, drawing her legs up.</p><p>"Going back to bed?" Mickey asks her.</p><p>"I was planning to," Cap responds, "But I can stay awake a little longer."</p><p>"Great, I need to pass on a message from Eth. He tells me that we're gonna have to leave the bunker ASAP."</p><p>"What? Why?"</p><p>"Highwaymen made copies of the keys to the bunker. We'll be fine as long as the storms rage outside, but once it clears, we gotta go."</p><p>Cap plays with her hair, "That mean we're supposed to head back while you go to Michigan?"</p><p>Mickey sighs through her nose, leaning back on the bed, "Not exactly, no."</p><p>She frowns, "You're heading back with us?"</p><p>"No. No."</p><p>Realization dawns on Cap, "Are you for real?"</p><p>"Don't make me say it."</p><p>Cap takes her pillow, beating Mickey with it, who does little to defend herself, "Say it!"</p><p>"Shit, fine," She grabs the pillow, throwing it away. She sits up, looking at Cap with a wet, shy look in her eyes, "I'm not leaving, and I'm not turning back. I need you to come with me. To Michigan. I...I can't do it on my own."</p><p>Cap grins. She shuffles closer, wrapping her arms around Mickey's shoulders, "I'm glad you changed your mind."</p><p>"Yeah," She takes a deep breath, "I guess you haven't noticed, but, I've never done anything on my own. My whole life, I've always had <em>someone</em> by my side."</p><p>The way Mickey says someone tells Cap she means Lou. Cap thinks about her, sometimes. She thinks about a reality where Lou was alive, instead of Mickey. Would Lou be that same violent, slightly unhinged version Cap was familiar with? Or would she shed that for a new life, like Mickey did?</p><p>Cap thinks about just how far Mickey has come. She's cunning, mechanically intelligent, untrusting, but willing to give things a try. She's quick - witted, sometimes stubborn, but isn't above admitting when she's wrong. She took quick to farming, to hunting, always meeting expectations, before bursting right past them. She was more than the Highwaymen, and she did more without them than she ever did with them.</p><p>"And then," Mickey says, "I was alone for a long, long while. It was nothin' short of brutal. It felt like I was in fuckin' agony, every day," She purses her lips, "But I don't think I ever was alone. Not really. And, like, as much as I wanna go off by myself, I don't....I don't wanna be alone again, Cap. I don't wanna be in that agony anymore."</p><p>Cap exhales, her heart swelling in her chest. She kisses Mickey on the cheek. Mickey didn't open up easily, and Cap feels nothing short of honored to be someone Mickey trusts enough to share her feelings with.</p><p>Mickey taps the now - solid cast on Cap's arm, "Nice plaster."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"You got a marker?"</p><p>Cap grins. She opens up her backpack, which rested on the floor, finding an old, thick black marker. She hands it over, Mickey taking it, and taking her hand, holding it in her lap.</p><p>Watching Mickey draw was always a joy. Her style differed at times, but she always drew with free, long pen strokes. In big, bubbly letters, she wrote her own name, and some other doodles.</p><p>When she's finally done, she caps the marker again, throwing it somewhere. Cap turns her cast, admiring the work. Random sketches and symbols were crammed together, random empty spaces being left for people to write their own names.</p><p>"This is dope," Cap says. Mickey says nothing, smirking at her.</p><p>Cap leans back, Mickey following. They lay down together, Mickey tucked into Cap's side. It doesn't take long for Cap to fall asleep, completely at peace.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey sits up, and stretches. She yawns, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. She looks down at Cap, who was curled up by her side. She brushes through some of her hair gently, Cap still sound asleep, not responding to the touches. Mickey stands, and gets dressed, venturing out of the room. She first hits the kitchen, to make herself breakfast. Ethan is there, sitting at a counter, with his head down, waiting for a tea kettle to boil.</p><p>"Eden," Mickey greets.</p><p>"Stop being so <em>loud</em>," He groans.</p><p>"I told you you'd regret it in the morning," She raids the fridge for eggs, cracking them into a pan, "How's Donnie?"</p><p>"Fine," He doesn't raise his head, "I'm never drinking <em>again</em>."</p><p>The kettle whistles, Mickey turning it off, "People say that all the time. Then comes Saturday, and they're balls deep in a bottle."</p><p>"Ugh," Ethan picks his head up, eyes squinted miserably. He has two cups ready with tiny satchels of tea inside. He pours his tea, and then leaves. As he does, Cap comes through the door.</p><p>"G'mornin'," She tells him with a yawn.</p><p>"Morning," Ethan replies, quickly sidestepping her, escaping back to the infirmary.</p><p>Cap trudges in, hair a mess. She goes to Mickey, wrapping her arms around her waist and tucking her head into her shoulder.</p><p>"He's avoiding you now?" Mickey says.</p><p>Cap shrugs sadly in response.</p><p>"He'll get over it," She says weakly, even though she knows he won't. Someone doesn't run out into a radiation storm over something they can get over.</p><p>And, honestly, Mickey was, in a sick little way, relieved that he wouldn't. Ethan's fight brought her and Cap together, and it pushed Cap and him apart. Throughout the journey, Mickey felt almost jealous when Cap and Ethan were around each other, talking and touching each other. Mickey knew what they did during the day, when she was asleep, and she couldn't stand it. Something boiled inside her every time she thought about it. Them, together, Ethan's hands all over Cap, instead of hers.</p><p>In fact, the more Mickey thought about it, it wasn't just Ethan she had a problem with. Mickey didn't like how much time Cap spent with the Judge back in the valley. She didn't like the time Cap spent with Selene. When Cap told her some personal stories, gossip to fill the time by a campfire, Mickey didn't like the stories about Gina Guerra, or Bean. Something about the insinuations in her stories, the way Cap tucked her hair behind her ear, the way her cheeks went red, it filled Mickey with an emotion that made her chest tight.</p><p><em>What's that called?</em> Mickey asks herself, <em>Jealousy?</em> She huffs, <em>I can't be jealous. Not me.</em></p><p>"I think you're burning those eggs, Mick," Cap says softly.</p><p>The two women have a breakfast consisting of burnt eggs and lukewarm tea. Cap seemed to be in a lot of pain as she ate, hugging her arm to her chest. It hurt to watch. The Captain of Security, scourge of the Highwaymen, undefeated by all she's crossed paths with, reduced to a wincing woman who couldn't even hold her fork.</p><p>After breakfast, Mickey takes some assault rifles from the armory. With the knowledge that other bunker keys were out in the world, She decided to set the guns up on mounts, five of them, all pointed at the bunker door. She hooked up wires, drawing from the door to the triggers. Once the door would open, the rifles would pop off, killing or wounding the intruders, and giving the four travellers time to prepare.</p><p>Then, Mickey carries her items up to the bunker entrance, setting up near the control panels. She'd keep an eye on the meter, be the first line of defense in case anyone came in.</p><p>Four days pass without a hitch, the meter slowly drawing back from in the red, to in the green. Mickey stays quiet for the next two, relieved that the meter stayed green throughout.</p><p>She heads to the infirmary, where Ethan usually was. Only, he wasn't this time. There was only Donnie, and Cap.</p><p>"You see Eden anywhere?" Mickey asks them.</p><p>Neither have. When asked why she needs him, Mickey explains that she's going to scout out Scarlet's stronghold and try to find a vehicle. She then leaves, searching the other rooms, until she finally finds Ethan in the bunks, stitching together some leather scraps.</p><p>"What's that?" Mickey asks.</p><p>"Donnie's jacket," Ethan replies to her.</p><p>"Thought that was destroyed when Cap ripped it off'a him."</p><p>"It was."</p><p>She furrows her brows, "What's the point of fixing it? Plenty of leather jackets around."</p><p>"They're covered in paint," He says, almost crossly, "And Donnie mentioned it was important to him, so..." He shakes his head, lowering his work, "What do you want?"</p><p>"We need to get a car. I'm gonna head to Scarlet's place, see if there's anything we can use."</p><p>"Okay.....?"</p><p>"You wanna come with?"</p><p>"What for?"</p><p>"Just to watch my back," Mickey says. Then, she shrugs, "S'fine if you wanna stay. Not like I need your help <em>that</em> badly."</p><p>Ethan needs ten minutes to prepare. When he's ready, Mickey had finished taking down her gun traps, packed and ready with Cap on standby to set the traps back up again.</p><p>"I see you've been busy up here," He says.</p><p>"With those key copies you were talking about, I had to take a few extra precautions."</p><p>"And how's it looking outside?"</p><p>"Meter's in the green," Mickey tells him, "We'll watch the skies. Weather stays like this, we'll be able to move out in a day or two."</p><p>"Sounds like a plan."</p><p>Mickey turns to Cap, "We'll be gone two, maybe three hours. We'll knock ten times to let you know it's us. Just open the door once you take down the guns again."</p><p>"'Kay, got it. Be careful."</p><p>"Thanks." </p><p>The two go outside, Cap closing the door behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The hike to Scarlet's isn't as grueling when there's no rush to get there. The skies are clear, weather warm, the sun hanging high in the sky. They follow the cracked blacktop road, sticking to the forests on the sides in case anyone came by.</p><p>The two don't make it very far before they stumble upon their first vehicle. It's wrapped around an ancient telephone pole, ruined to Hell, and relievingly familiar.</p><p>"That's Scarlet's car," Mickey says.</p><p>Ethan and her don't hesitate to raid the thing. Ethan checks the bodies.</p><p>"They're all dead," He says, with subtle satisfaction.</p><p>"I could tell," Mickey ties her bandana over her nose, waving away flies. Their faces were covered with gas masks, but Mickey was used to seeing corpses, seeing the sunken eyes, still locked in their last moments of death. She knew there was nothing on their bodies, so she checks the car instead. It was, obviously, undrivable, the front part of the car crumpled into the pole. The engine would be totally unsalvageable, "Yeah. This is trashed," It was nothing but worthless scrap.</p><p>She stands away from the car, while Ethan is still looking into the passenger seat, at the rotting body of one of Scarlet's lackeys.</p><p>"What's the issue?" Mickey asks him.</p><p>"I want to light this thing on fire and watch it burn."</p><p>"We find a car, we'll do it on the way back."</p><p>He grumbles unhappily, but leaves the car alone, joining her again by the side of the road.</p><p>The two walk further, the day still bright and warm. It wasn't long until Scarlet's stronghold was a distant vision on the horizon.</p><p>"Where should we go?" Ethan asks, "Through the back?"</p><p>"Let's check out the front first, see if there's a car."</p><p>The creep up closer, both tying fabric over their mouths to try to fight the stench of death from the bodies hanging around the fences. Mickey motions of Ethan to stay put, while she crept closer to the front gates. She peers through, absently pulling on the bars. The gate swings out. Mickey and Ethan share a look.</p><p>She readies an assault rifle, "Stay here," She squeezes through the opening, looking around the courtyard.</p><p>There were rusted, empty cages, random supply crates and barrels, tarp - covered items -</p><p>"Anyone there?" Ethan says, close behind Mickey, making her jump.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, man - " She huffs, "No. Not yet, anyway," She motions a hand at him, "Just stay behind me."</p><p>They draw further into the courtyard. There was a large, dilapidated shack with three big, wide, shuttered doors.</p><p>"Looks like a garage," Ethan says.</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey shoulders open the metal sheet door to the garage.</p><p>First thing that hits her is the smell. Rotting bodies, metal shanty trapping in heat and the scent. She flips on the light. There were two vehicles inside, but the one that caught Mickey's attention was the one with the two bodies near it. One body was hanging on the door, semi - opened, while the other was collapsed in front of the bumper. Mickey lowers herself, looking at the body hanging off the door. His hand was still clasped on the door handle.</p><p>"What was the point of coming outside during a storm?" Ethan wonders, having followed her inside.</p><p>"Looks like they were getting to the car..." She trails off.</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>Realization hits her, "You were the only ounce of flesh with an able body in a ten mile radius, Eden," She stands, "They were lookin' for you."</p><p>"Facing a radiation storm was a kinder fate than facing Scarlet," He shivers, "Horrible."</p><p>"'Least we don't have to worry about slaving for the next few miles. Scarlet usually has this chapter locked down. Now they're gone."</p><p>"But other's will be ready to take their place."</p><p>"I don't think it'll be so soon, though."</p><p>"Well, we're here for a car. How's this one look?"</p><p>"Mmm," She shrugs, "A little small."</p><p>He walks to the other one, "What about this one?"</p><p>She looks over, eyebrows shooting up, "Whoa. Where'd Scarlet get this?" She comes closer.</p><p>Scarlet was in possession of a large, painted transit van. It must've been white at one time, but was painted a deep red, with big, bubbly, black graffiti covering it. Large metal frames held thick panels of glass over the windows. </p><p>"It looks fortified," Ethan says.</p><p>"I think Scarlet must've been trying to create some sorta vehicle to use during radiation storms. Look, see these panels? Extra shielding."</p><p>Mickey tugs on the driver's side handle, the door popping open. She hops into the driver's seat, pulling down the sun visor. Sure enough, the keys fall into her lap. She takes a quick look around. There were only four seats, but metal hinges exposed on the floor showed that it could fit wat more.</p><p>Ethan climbs into the passenger seat, looking around, "Spacey."</p><p>"And look at that," She points to foil tamped to the van walls, "More shielding. Yeah, this was a fuckin' tank she was workin' on."</p><p>"Do you think it'll run?"</p><p>"Only one way to find out."</p><p>With bated breath, Mickey sticks the keys into the ignition, turning. It purrs to life. No stutter, no kickback, only the hum of an engine.</p><p>"Listen to that," She laughed, "Engine sounds great. Tank is full. Scarlet took care of this thing, for sure."</p><p>"People love their pet projects."</p><p>"And she planned ahead. Already has the thing fitted with Highwaymen paint, so we'll be able to drive this during the day."</p><p>The two hop out.</p><p>"Well," She claps, "We've got our car."</p><p>"Should we take the other one?"</p><p>"Nah. Double the fuel. We use this, get one of those cage trailers from outside and hook it up for our stuff."</p><p>Ethan opens the thin metal shutter door of the ramshackle garage, Mickey pulling through. They search the yard, finding and pushing off rusted cages from an equally rusted metal flatbed trailer. As they tug it to the van, they pass by a square item covered by tarp. Out of curiosity, Mickey goes over, lifting it. Underneath is a pallet of barrels, reeking of ethanol. She bumps her shoulder into one, liquid sloshing inside.</p><p>"What's that?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"Fuel," Mickey smirks, "Lucky us."</p><p>After thirty minutes of hooking the trailer up, and then loading the heavy barrels onto the trailer, tying the barrels down and then covering it with tarp, the two are finally ready to go. Before they leave, Mickey takes some extra supplies. She takes a gas can, which was full, some extra bungee cord and rope, an extra tire she tied to the top rack of the van, and a toolkit, fitted with everything a mechanic could dream of.</p><p>They pull away, Mickey comfortable in her seat. She loved driving. Loved it to pieces. She loved vehicles, in general, but driving was a special thing to Mickey. Lou always thought they were above driving themselves around, should leave it to some lackeys drooling over the prospect of a promotion.</p><p>They drive down the road, the sun now lower, signalling that evening was coming soon. Mickey stops the van at the remains of Scarlet and her crew, eternally wrapped around the telephone pole.</p><p>"Why're we stopping?" Ethan asks.</p><p>Mickey jerks a thumb to the gas can laying in the back of the van, "You wanted to see the car up in flames, didn't you?"</p><p>Ethan scrambles into the back of the van, grabbing the gas can and kicking open the back door, hopping out. Mickey follows, watching as he throws ethanol onto the frame of the car, dousing the bodies and the seats. He throws the can at the car, searching his pockets. He finds a flint and steel, kneeling down, trying to make a spark.</p><p>After a few seconds of no results, Mickey kneels down, taking the flint and steel from him. With one smooth motion, a spark catches, landing in the ethanol. She pulls Ethan backward by the back of his shirt as the car, fwoom, erupts into flames.</p><p>The two stand silently at one another's side, watching Scarlet's ride burn. Things crackle and pop within, plastic melting away. The stench of burning metal is quickly overtaken by the smell of burning flesh.</p><p>Mickey looks at Ethan, who stares darkly into the flames. Even though he's turned over a new leaf, at his core, this was the same wounded, spiteful man who wanted his village burned to the ground.</p><p>Ethan moves first, almost scaring Mickey out of her thoughts, "Let's go."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Mickey parks the van near the bunker entrance, hidden by trees.</p><p>For the next day, the crew counts and collects all their supplies, moving it all into the bunker foyer. Plenty of extra ammo, medical supplies, and weapons. With some maneuvering, Mickey could get the van through the maze. There was some space left on the flatbed with the fuel barrels, and so they stacked up some of extra supplies along with them, the rest being thrown into the roof rack. They kept their personal belongings in the spacious back of the van.</p><p>"Careful of the guitar," Donnie says, watching idly with Cap as Ethan and Mickey load up the last of their belongings.</p><p>"Yeah yeah yeah," Mickey carefully loads up the guitar, laying it neatly in the back. She comes back out, wiping invisible dirt off her gloves, "OK, that's everything, right?"</p><p>"Yeah," Cap says. She didn't seem in pain, under the effects of the pain killers Ethan was supplying her, "Except us."</p><p>Mickey pulls open the door to the van, and before Donnie can even move, Ethan is by his side, helping him in. Mickey and Cap share a look, Mickey raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"You need some help, Cap?"</p><p>Cap waves her off, "Cut it out," Timber presses against her legs. She scratches behind his ears, "I don't need it."</p><p>Mickey noticed a slight change in Cap's behavior over the past few days. She was a little less cheerful, a little more withdrawn. She wasn't as touchy - feely with Mickey as she usually was. She settled into a routine, consisting of waking up, only eating when Mickey cooked, then going off and doing her own thing. Sometimes she napped for most of the day, other times she raided Mickey's personal library, sometimes she sat quietly with Donnie in the infirmary. It was like looking at a completely different woman,</p><p>Mickey leans up against the van, "No shame in asking for help." </p><p>Cap doesn't look at her. She idly steps forward, climbing into the van.</p><p>Mickey leans into the open doorway, "Can't fight too much with that hand," She grins lightly, "Guess we can't just call you the Captain of Security anymore."</p><p>"That's OK," Cap says, focused on Timber's head on her thigh, "I think I was ready to give up that title, anyway. Pass it on to someone else."</p><p>"God, what're we callin' you now? Valerie?"</p><p>"Just Val."</p><p>"Val," Ethan muses, "Easy to say."</p><p>"Short and sweet," Mickey pinches Cap's - Val's - nose. Val bats her hand away.</p><p>Mickey and Ethan go back out, tying down a tarp over the flatbed with bungee cords, doing the same with their possessions on the van roof. She gives the ropes a few tugs to make sure they're tight.</p><p>She climbs into the driver's seat, looking behind, "Everyone all set?"</p><p>Val and Donnie nod and give her a thumbs up, Timber tucked between them. Ethan nestles into the passenger seat, map open in his lap with Bean's compass on top. Mickey turns the key in the ignition, the truck roaring to life. God, did she miss driving. She missed how the tires bumped over rocky roads, and she missed the roar of the engine when she pressed the gas pedal down. She navigates the maze, leaving the bunker behind. The sun was rapidly setting, turning the horizon red.</p><p>She leans over to Ethan, "Which way?"</p><p>"Same way we've been going. East," He motions to an opening in the trees surrounding, "This'll lead to an old highway," He looks back at the map, "If we're around here," He taps a spot, "We'll be in Michigan in two days. One, if we don't stop driving."</p><p>"We'll see how the weather is. If it gets bad, we'll stop."</p><p>They drive on, passing by Scarlet's car. The fire had long since burned out, leaving behind only metal that twisted and melted with the flames, black husks still sitting inside.</p><p>"Jesus," Donnie breathes.</p><p>"Crash and burned," Mickey tuts, "Bad way to go."</p><p>"Looks like someone stuck explosive to it," Val says.</p><p>Mickey glances at Ethan. His head stayed down, looking at the map. She looks back to the road, "Maybe they thought death by explosion would be better than being microwaved."</p><p>"Yeah," Donnie shifts in his seat, "Maybe."</p><p>They drive on, the evening becoming night, and the bunker far behind them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Bypassing Peggie patrol was easy. Judge comes through by water, swimming across the narrow channel, hooking onto the waterwheel so it lifted them onto the dock. They stuck low, to the shadows, out of torchlight. Their leathers were wet, but didn't bog them down, since they left a crux of their equipment hidden in the brush on the opposite shore.</p><p>Barefooted, they stick to grass, maneuvering around the animal pens, heading for the main lodge. They notice two guards standing right in the doorway. As they come closer, they eavesdrop.</p><p>"Still no sign of the Judge?" One asks.</p><p>"No," The other answers, "And....Maybe it's for the best."</p><p>Judge freezes.</p><p>"That's not an unpopular opinion. They've changed," He crosses his arms, "Ever since that train crashed."</p><p>"Yes, you're right. Ever since the Shepherd appeared."</p><p>"The Father made her our Shepherd, God rest his soul, but, she is still an outsider."</p><p>"He never should've let her take them."</p><p>"You think the same as I?"</p><p>"Of corruption? I do. You return one back to their home, and they're bound to go back to old habits."</p><p>"It was so unnoticeable when the Shepherd first arrived, but since she left...."</p><p>"Shirking duties, disappearing for weeks....Deplorable."</p><p>"What would the Father say?"</p><p>Judge shakes. Truly, even in the place where they were once revered, they were an outsider. How should they feel? Relieved? That begged for the feeling to come, but it didn't. They belonged to nobody, no group or colored banner to unite under. All that was left was them, alone to fumble around in the shadows, hoping to piece something of an existence together without having it smashed apart again and again.</p><p>They finger the dirt around them, finding a stone lodged in the cold ground. They dig it up, pull their arm back, and throw it, so that it hits the side of a wooden home, making a loud, hollow noise.</p><p>Both guards stop their gossiping, then lower, crouching to the noise.</p><p>Judge slips inside. The lodge was still warmly lit by candles and torchlight. It was seemingly untouched since Judge had been there last. They look at the eyes of the portrait of the Father, drawn with intensity by a loyal follower.</p><p><em>You haunt me,</em> They mouth, <em>I will never be rid of you. But until the day I die, I'll make sure that everyone will remember you for the monster you were.</em></p><p>They pick up one of the torches, holding it to the worn out hide of the painting. It takes a few seconds, but the flames catch. The paint and leather crack and crinkle, blackening with the fire.</p><p>Judge shirks into the corner, hiding in the shadows, hearing footsteps on the dirt path. The steps become quicker as the guards run into the lodge.</p><p>"The Father's portrait!" One cries out.</p><p>The other grabs a bucket of water, placed there for Judge to bathe, still untouched after all this time, and douses the painting. Whatever the fire did not eat up, the water runs away. The portrait was no more than useless material.</p><p>He throws the bucket down, "Search the place, they couldn't have gotten far!"</p><p>But by the time they turn, the Judge has already slipped out, sinking down back into the river.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>mickey being the only gay person who can drive &gt;</p><p>thanks for reading :)!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNINGS FOR: graphic violence, suicide</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me when i work on four chapters all at once......love that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Val jumps awake, Mickey jerking away her hand.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>!" She yells, then sighs, "Shit. Fuck, you scared me."</p><p>"What?" Val grumbles, rubbing her eye with her good hand, "What is it?"</p><p>"We're stopping for the day. You hungry?"</p><p>"Starving," Val unbuckles herself, hopping out of the van.</p><p>The sun was rising, the sky clear. Ethan was already collecting firewood, dumping it into a circle of stones on a patch of dirt. Donnie was standing around, watching idly. He was recovering fine from his injuries, but Ethan was terrified of him tearing his stitches, and insisted on Donnie standing back and letting him handle everything. He puts a pot over the fire, filling it with water and throwing some ingredients inside.</p><p>"This is a nice change of pace," Donnie says, passing around bowls, "Glad to spend a day without my feet hurting."</p><p>"You said it," Mickey stretches, "But I think all that driving made my back stiff."</p><p>"You could always let me try driving," Ethan says.</p><p>"You'd drive us into a ditch a mile into it."</p><p>"Do you even know how to drive?" Val asks him.</p><p>Ethan responds with a curt shrug, "It can't be hard," He says, blunt.</p><p>Val frowns, making awkward eye contact with Mickey, then Donnie. The four eat in silence, then get ready for their day's sleep.</p><p>"Wanna watch with me?" Mickey asks Val as she set up her bedroll, "Nice day. Warm too."</p><p>"I'm kinda tired."</p><p>"You've been sleeping all night."</p><p>Val hates the soft way Mickey said it.</p><p>Donnie tips his head in, "But you haven't, Mick. Bet you're tired after all that driving. Me and Val can handle it."</p><p>Val nods in agreement, "Donnie has a point. We've been resting all day while you two make sure we don't end up lost in the wilderness."</p><p>"But you need as much rest as you can get, Donnie," Ethan says, setting up his bedroll, "Mickey and I can split it."</p><p>"It's just watch," Donnie says, "Not like we're running marathons or anything."</p><p>"Yeah," Val agrees, "I broke my wrist. I didn't hit my head on the way down. We're still able to run and yell and make a whole bunch of noise."</p><p>"And we can still shoot guns," Donnie says, drawing a pistol, "Aim might be off, but, usually people run after the first shot."</p><p>"No," Ethan says, short, "You need your rest."</p><p>Donnie pouts, "Oh, c'mon. We aren't that fragile."</p><p>"I never said you were fragile."</p><p>"But you're acting like it."</p><p>Ethan's cheeks go red. Finally, he relents, waving them off, "Fine. Go ahead and take first watch," He slams shut the doors to the van.</p><p>Donnie cheekily grins Val's way, who fights a smile. They say a last goodnight to Mickey, then settle near the remains of their fire. Timber lounges lazily in the sun on his back, belly exposed to the sky.</p><p>"Ethan seems kinda...." Donnie shrugs, "Off, these past couple days."</p><p>"Yeah," Val agrees. She sharply inhales, "So, like....Has Ethan talked to you about Scarlet and all, or...."</p><p>"Hasn't said a word. Just broods quietly and acts like it's all OK," Donnie shakes his leg anxiously, "Uh, can I ask you what happened? That made him run off like that? He won't tell me."</p><p>Embarrassed, Val plays with her fingers, "It was my fault. So, you remember us talking about the Judge, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, I remember."</p><p>"So, they gave me this journal of theirs, right? And it's basically Ethan's family history. They're older, in their forties, so they wrote down everything that went on in the valley while they were there. It's got tons of details on stuff that happened before the Collapse, on his family, the people in his village, all stuff like that. And I didn't tell him about it. I think you were asleep, still, so, you probably didn't hear us screaming at each other when he ran off."</p><p>Donnie blinks at her. He sits back, "Damn. Why didn't you just give it to him?"</p><p>"Judge didn't want me to. They wanted me to read it first, then pass it along, and, it's been pretty hard with Ethan sniffing around, as you can tell."</p><p>"I mean, I'd be mad too, but....So mad to run out into a radiation storm?"</p><p>"You don't know him like I do, Donnie. He can be really, really impulsive. He probably wasn't even thinking about the storm when he ran out."</p><p>Donnie goes quiet. He rubs his bad shoulder, "Damn."</p><p>"I think the worst part is, like...." She curls her knees up to her chest, "I worked so hard to get him to open up. It took me months of visiting him, every day, seeing him when he woke up, visiting him in the afternoon, and right before the medics demanded he get back to bed. I gained his trust, and now it's all....Fucked up. Because I fucked it up."</p><p>More silence on Donnie's part. Then, he reaches over, placing his hand on Val's shoulder, "You can't blame him, but....I don't think blaming you is gonna help any, either," He shrugs, waving a hand, "I mean, c'mon, you made a promise to a friend. You either break the promise with the Judge, or you keep it. As far as it seems, it looks like you were just kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place."</p><p>As hard as Donnie tried, it did nothing to ease Val's guilt. She only looked down at the ground, picking at grass.</p><p>Donnie pulls his hand away, "But, he can't stay mad forever. After all you've done for him...."</p><p>But Val isn't too sure. Other than impulsive, Ethan is also temperamental. Spiteful. If he's hurt, he wants you to hurt ten times over. Val just wasn't too sure when her time would come yet.</p><p>Eventually, Donnie takes out his notebook. Val looks at him, tilting her head, "No guitar?"</p><p>"I tried yesterday in the bunker, but, my shoulder hurts too bad," He shrugs, "S'fine, though. As long as I take it easy, I'll be able to play soon enough."</p><p>"You'll get there. Ethan's work is good."</p><p>"Gives me time to practice my poetry," He looks over, "What're you gonna do?"</p><p>"Read, I guess."</p><p>Donnie delves into his writing, while Val reaches into her bag. She held onto a few of Mickey's books, but, Judge's journal seemed to yell out for her. She puts one of the other books down, and picks up the journal.</p><p>It's been a week since Val had picked up Judge's book. It felt so weighty in her lap. The cover was a little less white from her travelling, but, it was still in good shape. She flips open to the last place she left off.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>That was the last straw for Faith. The final nail in everyone else's coffin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A few days later, I'm trudging around, ducking and dodging calls from everybody around. I find the remains of this old brewery, so, I stop inside, just checking to see if there's anything good stored inside. Then, I hear Faith's voice in my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"None of us are perfect. We all...Make mistakes from time to time. Even myself."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stand still, straining my ears, listening for any sound.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Foolishly, I thought that we were coming to an understanding. Foolishly, I thought we were building trust."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I slowly turn around, eyeing the windows, and the door, keeping the closed off wall behind me, behind me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But that trust has been broken. Again and again. So there will be no more interference. No more distractions. No more pity."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pitied me? It shouldn't have been a surprise, but, it pissed me off. I go to the open door, listening for sound. Footsteps, the clanging of equipment, anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is the will of the Father."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, a small can is thrown into the room. It lets out a loud pop, and I don't know if it was some Bliss grenade, or a flashbang, but it forces me to duck and cover. My eyes sting, and so do my ears. My teeth clench together. I roll out of the building.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Only I'm not at the brewery anymore. I'm back in the Bliss, in the endless fields of fog and grass and trees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't understand," I hear her say, "Did you think you could just continue to do what you wanted without consequences?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A sharp pain hits me in the back, the prick of a needle, bypassing my clothes. Immediately, I become sluggish, but I still stand. Faith comes into my vision, face tight. She looked angry, and I thought, Good. Good that she's angry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've been reasonable. I've been fair," She says, "But you are just so selfish," She pushes me. I fly back, "You forced someone to leave that didn't want to go," I turn around, and she's in front of me again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's such a coward, sedating me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith grabs my arm, and pulls me forward, the two of us flying across the grass. She stops us at this little diorama of a room, melded into the green. It's some sort of office, with some control panels. It takes me a few seconds, but, I realize it's Virgil's office. And in the middle is him, and the Marshal, playing cards.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"All so you could be what?" Faith asks me, "A hero?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's just an illusion, I want to tell myself. But I know it's not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wasn't so tough then. I started sweating, helplessly staring at Virgil and Burke. Even if I could've yelled out, I doubt they would've heard me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you what hubris is? Arrogance before the gods," She goes to Burke, touching him, butterflies landing on his shoulders. She sits up on the desk, swinging her legs, "The Greeks saw it as a dangerous form of pride that invoked the goddess Nemesis, who would seek retribution.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil makes a deal with the Marshal over their card game, "I win this hand, you have to wear a button. Whaddya say?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Burke puts his hand down, "Straight flush," He says with a proud grin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm at least able to move a little. I jerk to the table, weakly leaning over it. I look into Burke's eyes. They're fogged over.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith stands back up, leaning over his shoulder, "If violence is the only language you choose to speak....Then I will speak your language," She leads his hand to his gun holster, making him stand, "And when their blood is on your hands," She says, and when her mouth opens, Burke's mouth opens, too, "We'll see how heroic you feel."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Virgil doesn't stand a chance. He leaps up, in surprise, and Burke shows no mercy. Blood spatters the filing cabinets behind him. He falls, clutching his chest, blood blooming under his shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry to have to do this," Faith and Burke say, and I turn, to see his gun trained on me, "I wanted there to be another way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Burke doesn't shoot me. Faith pushes him, and he goes to the prison controls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You made your choice."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Burke presses some buttons, somebody yelling about the prison doors opening. Then, he unloads his clip into the control panels. I could hear people yelling in a panic outside. Gunfire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Burke turns around, looking at me with his foggy eyes, "I told you I didn't want to leave."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm so helpless as he trains his gun on himself. He tucks it into his chin, and he's gone in the blink of an eye.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then the room is gone. And Faith is gone. And Burke and Virgil are gone. I collapse onto my knees, heaving in air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was nothing but a worthless pile of a person. I was even more powerless than with what happened with Eli. This wasn't a member of the Whitetails, or a native of the county, knee - deep in Peggie violence. He wasn't a guy with his fingers in John Seed's pie, like my fellow deputies. This was a guy who's spent months of his career begging to see Joseph Seed in jail, but couldn't, because of the government red tape. He walked into the Father's stronghold, and he didn't care about the army of frenzied fanatics around him. He cared about bringing the Father to justice. Maybe he was stupid for it, but, he was the only one of us with an ounce of decency within him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I failed him. I failed to bring him home. And I severely underestimated the hold Faith had over him. And it cost Virgil his life, and Burke his own. And now, even more people were gonna die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I book it back to the prison. It's already under siege, the gates blown open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look at you rushing to help," I hear Faith say, "Don't worry....Your friends will be safe with me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I kill Peggie after Peggie, Angel after Angel, in some blurred, panicked adrenaline - fueled frenzy. The front doors are barricaded, so I climb onto the outer walls, and hop onto the roof. A ghost of Faith is there to greet me when I try to reach the vents.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Aw....Still trying to be the hero....It's too late, you know. You should have listened when you had the chance."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I let my fist fly into her face, dissipating her, then hurry through the ducts. I make quick work of every Peggie in the building, and free everyone there. I find Tracey, curled up into an unconscious ball. I smack her awake, until she jolts. She leans over, spitting up blood. She struggles away from me, until I let her go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're trying so hard.....All for nothing," Faith says, a ghost in my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First place Tracey goes is Virgil's office. She throws open the door. And she starts yelling. She takes his body into her arms, covering the wound, trying to stop blood that's already spilled out onto the floor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come on, Virgil, come on," She cradles his head in her hands, trying to find signs of life in his closed eyes, "Come on..." She snaps her head to me, "Dep, help me!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was nothing I could do. I kneel besides her, putting my hand over his wound, looking at her. She looks at me, and then she starts crying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As much as they fought, Virgil and Tracey were a team. They were close friends, and when he died, so did a little part of her. She rips the cougar button off of his vest, holding it tight, like some sacred amulet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is what she does. Takes. Destroys."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And in the midst of her crying, she grabs the front of my shirt, and pulls me in close. I could smell blood on her breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Find her," She orders me, "Kill her. Don't let her get away with this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then she pushes me. I don't linger any longer. I run right outside, immediately hit by white.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We will all be together in the Bliss," Faith says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake up in another grassy field, a big, iron gate opening up to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Now you see what we can do. Come to me and I'll show you a world you never dreamed possible."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I walk, and walk, until I find this weird little pond with a center island as big as a table.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Amazing Grace," I hear Faith sing, "How sweet the sound..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I follow the sound, and, holding her hand, I see Whitehorse, singing along with her. She leads him to a Bliss flower, growing in the field, helping him pick it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked so....Happy. Blissful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As angry as I was with him, he didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve a lobotomy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I reach out to grab him, but Faith knocks my arm away, letting Whitehorse walk off, "Your Sheriff kept you from walking the path. But now he understands its purpose. And he'll join our family in Eden," Her smile falls, "And if you try to stop him...." She laughs, and disappears in a flash.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your Sheriff was a wall," She says, disappearing, then reappearing on the small island, "A wall between you and the Father...A wall that kept you from seeing his truth."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A blast of wind knocks me over. Fog envelopes us, and I smell the horrible, bitter scent of Bliss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your Sheriff is so close now....So close to accepting the Word of the Father into his heart. And when he does....There's no coming back from that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have no choice but to inhale the tainted air. Bliss. Highly toxic, highly addictive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But, also, highly flammable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just start crafting Molotov's, using every last ounce of what equipment I had, until I had about fourteen or so. Not all of them were big glass bottles, some were little mason jars filled with moonshine county folks offered and traded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why do you keep fighting us?" Faith asks me, "You know what's coming, the Father showed you! The world is crashing to an end, it is diseased and corrupt. The Father is offering you a chance to let go...To stop worrying....To be free...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I start throwing those bad boys everywhere, everything catching fire. Grass, Bliss fog, trees, whatever they touched, fwoosh, big ball of fire erupted and caught.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He is more powerful than you know!" Faith sounded panicked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smoke burned my eyes and lungs, forcing coughs out of me. It didn't matter if I died, if I burned to death slow and painful. All that mattered was that Faith burned with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's not my fault...None of this was my fault! You think I wanted this? He plied me with drugs...He threatened me," She sounded close to tears, "I was seventeen! I was just a child!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And, fortunately for me, the fire became too much for Faith, too. I could see her shape against the flames and the fog, running.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But there wasn't any escape. Not from me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I follow, yelling after her. I don't even know what I was yelling, really. It was probably just mindless screaming. I follow her as she ducked and dodged through the fog, taking twisting paths and hiding behind trees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually, I lose track, ending up in this little clearing. It's got some random stuff laying around. Lumber, with an axe. A few TV screens, some smashed. And, finally, there's this table in the middle, with a radio on it. I grab the axe, then go to the radio. It plays that gentle song, written by Faith's angels. I grab it, smash it to the ground. I was so sick to bastard death of her fucking tricks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look around the trees, seeing a shape dart through the fog. I rush after it. I broke the radio, but the music didn't stop. I could still hear it in my head. That sweet voice, singing along with my swings. Help me Faith, help me Faith. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I swing my axe, like it's guiding me. Shield me from sorrow, from fear of tomorrow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It thunks into a skinny tree, shaking the dead leaves from it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where are you, Faith?" I yell into the fog, "Come out here!" I pull the axe out, "You scared? Scared because you can't control me?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Help me, Faith.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not like you could the Marshal!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Help me, Faith.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not like Whitehorse!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shield me from sadness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not like Tracey!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From worry and madness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not like the hundreds of people you've manipulated!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lead me to the Bliss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come out here! Right fucking now! I'll rip your head off and feed it to the fucking wolves!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wham. Something hits me in the back. It cracks, and I realize it's a branch. I feel the impact, feel is break, but I don't feel the pain. I twist around, swinging my arm. Faith's pretty little head ducks, and she scrambles to get back into the fog. I grab her ankle, pulling her. She kicks, hits me in the jaw. I'm forced to let her go. Think my jaw cracked with that blow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith gets away. I follow. I swing my axe at every dark shape I see. Tree, tree, tree. I swing my axe, and a dark shapes ducks. I flip the axe, using the butt of the handle to bump the person in the forehead. Faith yelps. I grab her dress, pulling her out of the mist by a handful of lace. She fights, digging her heels into the dirt. She claws and bites, but with my gloves and coat, I don't feel a thing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look around. I see a nice little tree stump, nestled between. I drag her to it, forcing her down by her chest, knocking the wind out of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get in close, "When you get to Hell," I shake her, "Say hi to your brothers for me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I raise my axe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then, suddenly, she disappears. The axe, gone. The stump, gone. Faith, gone. All that's left behind is a bloom of red flower petals under my feet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I look up. I'm at the front of a bunker, the doors opening for me. I look around, and I only see endless fog. Did I do it? Was she dead?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As much as I wanted to double check, I couldn't. Whitehorse first, I force myself to say, Whitehorse first. Then Faith.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I run into the bunker. Unlike John and Jacob's, this one is decked out in flowers and shrubbery. It looked more like an abandoned set of alters than an underground bunker. Thick smoke pours from vents in the ceiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I run through the halls, until I hear familiar singing. I'm drawn to the sound. Behind a barred door, is Whitehorse. He's lost his hat, staring at me through the bars of his room, smiling dumbly, singing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But as I get closer, his smile falls, "I don't have much time, Rook....The Bliss....You have to stop it. You have to hurry...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's a short lapse of clarity, and then he's back to smiling, and singing. He turns his head. Behind him, hanging from the ceiling, is a noose, and below it, a chair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull on the bars, bashing at the lock. It won't open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whitehorse sits on the chair, staring up at the noose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fucking run. I haul ass through the bunker, ascending stairs, until I find a sign that says MAIN PUMP ROOM. Had to be what I needed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, it was, but it was also stacked with Peggies. I'm killing every, and as I do, I'm turning random valve after random valve. I can hear the groan and creak of the pipes around me. Slowly, the room stops smelling like Bliss, and more like gunpowder and smoke. Some of the pipes burst, and the vents all shut down. With the shaking of the bunker, I could tell that I needed to get out as soon as I could.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I run back the way I came, but, with the pipes bursting, fire blocked my way. Guilt riddled me. There was no way for me to save Whitehorse. He was going to either kill himself, or burn to death in this place, and I was totally powerless to stop it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until, I hear him on the radio. He sounded so tired, but, sound of mind, groaning out, "That did it, Aiden. Air is clearin' up. Think I can finally see straight. You better get the Hell out of here. Don't worry about me, I can find my way out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't need anymore confirmation after that. I turn tail and book it out, the walls of the bunker groaning, steel burning, plastic Bliss barrels melting, spilling all over the floors, just asking for a spark to light it all up. I turn valves, open doors, kill, until I finally find a fucking way out. A closed - off vent I kicked open, a couple feet away from a door with a steel beam in front of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The air outside smells like smoke and ash and Bliss, fog all thick. Whitehorse is out cold a couple feet away from the grate I came out of. 'I can make it out on my own' my ass. I check him real fast for any injuries, then pick him up, haul him over my shoulders. I walk two steps before I see a head of long hair and bloody lace, laying out on the cliffside.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I freeze. Faith is in shambles, hair messy, lace dress ripped and bloody. I could see a line of blood on her shoulder, seeping through the white. I had hit her, looked like, but she got away before I could finish the job. Not that there was much time, because that shoulder wound was still bleeding, and it didn't look like it was gonna stop anytime soon. I wander over to her, looking at her sad, curled up form in the dirt. She picks her head up, looking empty and sad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Happy now?" I ask her. The Seeds played too fucking much. They should've killed me before it could get that far, but they're all too busy chomping at whatever bits Joseph dangled for them to notice me knocking the very walls of their houses down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You still don't understand," She tells me, strained, in pain, "You don't know what it is you're doing, do you?" She reaches out for me, only for me to step back, out of her reach.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wheezes, a little, "Joseph believes he is our savior. But you'll be the one who decides what happens. You were the start. You'll be the end."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She reaches out again, crawling on the ground, like she's some corpse freshly risen from the grave, and I step outta her reach again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It was always gonna happen this way. You walked the path. You rescued your Sherrif. You're the hero," She laughs, "But now....You'll have to choose. And if you don't listen to him....He'll be right," She extends her hand. I stomp on her hand with my boot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith makes some pained sound, tugging her hand out from under my boot. It was weird to see, really. Faith Seed, a pure symbol of faith and charity and all that good shit, turning to a destitute, bloody pile writhing in the dirt. I look at her, until I hear the sound of boots on dirt, running towards us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I turn right around, drawing my gun, but it's only Tracey, running out of the fog. I relax a little, my heart beating kinda hard. I ask her what she's doing here. She says she came with backup in case I couldn't get myself or Whitehorse out. She's seen a little action, looks like, hoodie a little ripped and bloodied. If she was in pain, she didn't show it. She looks at me, then looks at Whitehorse, who I've got over my shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He OK?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think he'll be fine," I set him down, letting her take a look at him. She looks him over, then she turns her head, noticing Faith and her bent limbs close to the ground. She stops looking over the Sheriff.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She dead?" She asks me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stare at her, "Almost," I look at my pistol, "I was hoping to finish her off soon, but....I don't think this one is mine," I hold it out to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey stares dumbly at the gun, looking between me and it, like she can't believe it. Out of everybody around, Tracey was the most wounded. She deserved to get revenge, for all the damage Faith caused. Sometimes I wonder if Tracey felt guilty for letting Faith get so far. Did she ever wish she tried harder to get Faith to leave with her? Did she weigh all the lives Faith took against her own?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shake it a little, "Go on, Tracey. She's not going anywhere. Not anymore."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey stands up, and takes the gun from me. She gets close to Faith, standing over her, shoulder squared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith moves her head, staring at her, "You've never been able to do anything on your own," Faith says to her, mean and sharp, "But look at you now. All it took was submerging yourself in a life of violence and sin," She cringes in pain, "Remember when we were young, Trace? When we were kids? Just trying to find ourselves in this horrible, cruel world?" She smiles a little, teeth stained red, "Remember?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tracey's hand shakes, but she's steadfast on her grip on her gun, "My biggest mistake," Tracey says to Faith, staring down at her, "Was letting myself get caught up in your bullshit. Because you knew I would. You used me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I used you?" Faith's smile falls a little, "I can't use what's given freely."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you knew why I let it go on for so long. Why I followed you to that Peggie seminar. I was always on your tail, following you around, like you hung the Goddamn moon in the sky," She inhales, "But you took it way. Too. Far, Rachel."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith frowns, "Don't call me that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You, Rachel Jessop - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Trace - "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're one. Big. Pile. Of. Nothing."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That stuns Faith into silence, so, Tracey continues.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nobody is going to remember you. You think the Father doesn't have another Faith lined up to take your place once you kick it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shakes her head, "He wouldn't do that. I'm his sister."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And he's had plenty of sisters before you ever came around," Tracey takes another deep breath, "You're gonna be nothing but another body. And that's what you're worth. Nothing more than the space your corpse takes up."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then, Tracey lowers the gun. She hands it back to me by the handle, "Here," She goes, "I can't do it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't try to convince her otherwise. She's already said her peace. No need to let this be prolonged any further. I take my gun back, taking up Tracey's space in front of Faith, aiming it down at her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faith looked at me real sad. There was no peaceful acceptance. There was no anger. Just the same look you'd find on a lame dog too old to even pick herself up. And like any old dog, you gotta be smart enough to know when to ease its suffering and put it down. Faith was running around for far too long.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull the trigger. A big boom makes her slump against the rocks. And just like that, Faith is gone.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are messy, half - finished sketches of Faith, in different states of action. Tiptoeing on a log, sitting amongst a field of flowers, and so on. The last page before Judge's words continue again has Faith with her head turned away, hair hiding her eyes, hands clasping a Bliss flower. She smiled smally, but sweetly, as if she were ready to give this flower to a person beloved to her.</p><p>
  <em>I turn around, picking Whitehorse back up again. Tracey came in a truck, and lets me drive, throwing Whitehorse in the backseat, stretched out and out cold. Every so - often, I looked over at Tracey, and she looked so calm, it was almost scary.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask her how well she and Faith knew each other. She tells me Rachel and her have been as thick as thieves since middle school. Skipping school, going to parties, sneaking into bars and concerts together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She then tells me, "It was always gonna end this way. Didn't matter if it was you, if it was me, or if it was a junkie on the street. Rachel just....She just attracted trouble, everywhere she went. And it wasn't like she tried to avoid it. The higher the stakes, the higher the chance Rachel was around," She hangs her arm out the window, "There was no way this could've gone any other road."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I then hit a pothole, ruining the serious moment, and making Whitehorse grunt in the backseat. Tracey goes quiet again. I look down real quick, and in her other hand, she's got Virgil's button, rubbing it between her fingers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seemed like the sun was so, so bright as we drove back to the prison. The fog of Bliss over the Henbane was lifted, roads clear. I could hear the wind blow through the trees and shake their leaves. I heard the brays of deer as they cross the street. The Henbane was full of sound and life again, out of Faith's grip and the heavy oppression of the Bliss. It was beautiful, all warm and lively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get to the prison, pulling up to some guards, Tracey yelling for some help. Some medics come, whisking Whitehorse out of the truck. Tracey almost falls over trying to follow, wounded and sore, but I'm there. I'm right there to help her through the gates. And we're both met with cheers and congratulations. Tracey even smiled, I think.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still wonder how she's doing now. Is she even alive? I like to think so. She's way too strong a person to die of anything other than old age. And she's way too talented a medic to let her skills rot along with her. If she's out there, she's running on spite, if nothing else.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some medics come, whisking Tracey off. People kept stopping me, patting my shoulder, congratulating me on putting Faith down. I look over at the East wall, and I see some people with shovels. I walk over, asking them what they're doing. They say they're digging graves.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nobody stops me as I grab a shovel and start digging, too. There's seven graves, and we dig from sunrise, to sunset, marking each hole with their respective headstones. The bodies were wrapped up in sheets, with names scribbled in marker on the fabric. My eyes draw to two in particular, Burke and Virgil. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I heard that the Highwaymen made the prison into a real prison again, I had to sit down, I was so angry. It was hallowed ground, as far as I was concerned. I hated to see what it was turned into. It's abandoned now again, though, and I always think about coming back to it. Maybe we could refurbish it into another commune. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually, Pastor Jerome comes by. He gives me a curt hello before he starts his last rites. I stand by solemnly, along with many others, as the Pastor dishes out their eulogies. Tracey stands off to the side, away from the rest of us. When Jerome's done, we lay them all down with respect, decorating their final resting places with candles and banners. I try to go over to Tracey, but the Pastor catches me before I can, and she walks off back into the building. He pats me on the shoulder, and tells me that he's sorry for what happened to Burke. I said thanks, and that it's fine, even though it really wasn't, and I wanted to wring Faith's neck like a chicken for what she did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pastor tells me I suffered a lot, but it was all worth it. News about Faith's death spread quickly. Peggies are already falling back to the center compound Joseph was hiding in. Not a lot were left wandering around the county. He also tells me that he's proud of me. That felt weird, I guess, to be congratulated on killing people really good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We both go inside the prison, to spread a little good cheer around to the wounded. Thankfully, everyone who wasn't already dead were gonna be just fine. Couple days rest, and they'll all be OK, Whitehorse included. I look at Whitehorse, that old man, laying in a cot, an IV drip in his arm. His hat rested on a nightstand table next to him, ready to be grabbed whenever he wanted to awake.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm ashamed to say, that as I saw him laying there, I thought about suffocating him with the very pillow under his head. It was unfair. The four of us, the rest of the deputy team, running around like wild horses, while Burke was six feet in the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I started shaking. It was so sick of me to think of it. I lean over, and grab Jerome's hand. I felt so directionless and powerless, in that moment, "Can you pray with me, Pastor?" I ask him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course I can. Sheriff is strong," Pastor says, "The Lord isn't calling him home just yet."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn't like I needed God in the moment, God had abandoned Hope's County in those few months, but I needed some fucking help. I needed a lot of it. Pastor doesn't stop gripping my hand until I let him go myself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After we pray, Jerome tends to other injured, and I look for Tracey. Takes a little time, but, I find her in one of the watchtowers, sitting around all by herself. I ask her if she wanted some company. She doesn't reply, staring out the window, so, I walk in and sit myself down on a spare chair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry," I tell her, "About Virgil."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shrugs, and tells me it's fine. But I know it's not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I never went to church," Tracey says, "But the Pastor seems like a nice guy. Heartfelt ceremony, I guess."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sure as Hell doesn't make anything boring, I say. She laughs a little at that. I leave real quick, grabbing some beers someone was passing around, and bring them back. For the next hour we drink a little, talk a little. She was still closed off and sad, but, I think she appreciated the company. When our beers are all empty, she decides to go to bed. She offers me a short, shy thanks, and leaves without stopping. I felt good about that. Tracey didn't deserve to be walking around with all this pain weighing down on her shoulders.</em>
</p><p>The next few pages are packed with art. There's finished sketches of random people from the county, unnamed and doing odd jobs, like driving a truck with a turret and doing patrols on the roads, and a big sketch of the prison in its glory days. There's an image of Tracey and Virgil, sitting next to each to each other, neither smiling, but looking relaxed in one another's presence. There's a picture of Whitehorse, leaning out the window of a pickup truck, his hat tipped low to hide his eyes. There's a few of Burke, in different states of sitting and doing things with his hands, like reading or playing cards. One portrait in particular made Val shiver slightly. It featured Burke, looking directly out, his eyes drawn with a glaze, butterflies over his shoulders. She continues reading.</p><p>
  <em>I climb down into the courtyard, just as good ol' Sharky Boshaw pulls up in his big truck. He hops out and, surprising me, he's happy to see me. We greet with a hug. He looked good. Better than he did the last time I saw him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Heard you took out Faith," He says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Had a little help," I say back to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How's Whitehorse."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Alive."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And how're you doing?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Better than I did a couple days ago."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nods and smiles, and tells me that's great. I lead him into the prison, taking two beers and leading him further in. He asks me how Tracey was doing. I tell him not good, but, she'll make it. There's a random, empty cell, and Sharky stops us. He points to it, leading me in, telling me that this was a special cell that the prison guards usually stuck him in. He spent a lot of long nights in this cell. He emphasizes a lot. It's basically empty, besides a cot or two. I take up one, he takes up another.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How's it been?" I ask him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine," He says, "Peggies, Angels, wild animals, Hurk, you know how it is."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How's the head?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine," He pulls back his hat, "Got this cool scar outta it, so, not all bad."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We chat a little, every so often leaving to grab more beers. Nobody was celebrating, like after John and Jacob. Everybody was just licking their wounds and burying their dead, all somber, but, a little slower. I could feel the huge sigh of relief everyone collectively breathed. There was something different with Faith's region. She wasn't as cruel and deluded as John, and she wasn't as violent and intense as Jacob. All she did was utter some sweet words, and you were trapped before you could even notice. That made her much more dangerous that her brothers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After some time, Sharky stretches out, and says he's gonna go to sleep. I'm not tired in the slightest so before he gets to bed, I ask him if he's seen Jess anywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yesterday," He says, "Ran into her doing some errands for the town. Might be at the Spread Eagle, since Mary May's paying her in booze."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish him a goodnight, and if anyone asks, that's where I went, then I'm off to town. I walk the way there, since there was no way I was sober enough to drive, sticking to the trees near the roads. It was so quiet without Peggies patrolling the areas. No whitewashed trucks with black emblems. It's also really, really quiet. No hymns on the radios, no distant, shared prayers, no roar of reaping trucks on the roads. Not even explosions or frenzied yelling or cheering. Just the sounds of nature, and country songs playing on the radios of passing Resistance cars. I pass by a small campfire, waving to the people there. Most are asleep, except for two. One has a hat on that hides her eyes while the other brandishes a banjo, plucking the strings. Both look at me, and nod real polite, then go back to focusing on their campfire. The one with the banjo crows softly to her song.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Glad I walked, and got to reap the benefits of all my hard work. This was what I was fighting for, too. Not just people's lives and homes, but their peace. Their right to sit around a campfire and enjoy a beer, and a song, and the company of friends, and just be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By the time I get to town, there's already people roaming around the streets, drunk, but not very disorderly. Last call must've been called already. I look around, but don't see Jess anywhere in the streets, so, I head into bar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Crowd isn't even a crowd, it's a scattering of people taking up different corners and tables. I look around and, like Sharky guessed, there was Jess Black. She was at the bar counter, sitting, with her head down, a couple glasses around her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well well well," Mary May says, "Long time no see."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi, Mary May," I say. I take up the seat next to Jess, "Taps aren't dry yet, I hope?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not even close, but, we're closing soon."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sure you're able to spare a drink for the fine deputy who's running around saving you all."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I sure don't see Hudson anywhere."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We both share a laugh, and she pours me a beer. She goes off to do some cleanup, leaving me and Jess alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How'd you know I was here?" Jess says, all quiet and mumbly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I could tell by the bow and quiver," I say, "Sharky told me you were doing some errands around here. Thought I'd check it out, see what you were doing."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess picks herself up, "I don't need you watching over me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Didn't think you did. Just wanted to see how you were."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm fine," She sips a glass of half - empty beer she has in front of her, "Thanks."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I start to ask if she's busy, but she cuts me off, "I'm busy. Can't help you do God - know's - what, Mx. I Have It Under Control," She says it bitter and sharp, twisting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wounded, but buzzed, I shrug. Thoughtlessly, I decided if she wanted to play that game, I would, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well," I say, "If you're busy, I'm sure Mary May has some 'cleanup,' for me to do," And as I say that, Mary May comes over to collect Jess' empty glasses. I wink at her, and she grins coyly. She asks me if I need another drink. I say, maybe later, and she smiles, and walks off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I glance at Jess, and she looked about as mad as I've ever seen her. She pushes up from her chair real fast, and walks out. I quickly slam down my entire wallet, and run out after her. I felt like a fucking moron, a total fucking asshole. I'm basically running after her, she's walking off so fast. I'm calling her name, but she's not turning around. She goes around the bar, hopping the fence and then climbing over the wall of abandoned buses and trucks, getting into the open fields that surround the town. I catch up with her finally, and grabbed her wrist, trying to stop her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I know it, she twists around, and pushes me back. She throws a punch. I duck, tackling her to the ground. I try to pin her wrists, only for her to hook her legs around me, and end up on top of me. She tries punching me in the head, but I'm able to copy her move, and pin her to the ground again. We roll around in the field, both of us grunting in effort and pain. I try to keep my head and face protected, while Jess is adamant about making sure I don't get her pinned again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, she stops trying to knock my lights out, and chooses to grab my wrists instead, and pin me to the field.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The moon and the stars shone over her shoulders, her face in shadow. She breathed hard, her teeth bared in an angry snarl. I lay there limply, looking at her, "I'm sorry, Jess. I'm sorry," Is what I say to her, using up all the coherency I had left. Silently, she rolls off of me, collapsing into the grass on my right, our shoulders touching.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For a couple minutes, the both of us lay there, looking at the night sky and breathing hard. I can feel the bruises rising on my arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I hate you," She says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Should've beaten your ass the moment you opened your mouth the other day," She says. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wish you never came back from the Henbane," She says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wish you never came to this fuckin' valley," She says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"OK," I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stops talking for a while. I look over, and she's dead asleep. I almost laugh, until I look back at the sky, and I fall asleep, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Next morning, I wake up to someone poking me in the cheek with a stick. It's Mary May, with a concerned look on her face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You alright there, Aiden?" She asks me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sit up, looking around. Jess is gone, leaving me all alone. I touch the spot she was in, warm from the afternoon sun. I stand up, and dust myself off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You look like you had fun," She says, giving me a look, "You weren't back here....?" She trails off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," I say. I touch my arms, and they still sting from where Jess had unleashed a flurry of blows, "I wish."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, if you're looking for her, she went to the Ryes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thank Mary May, after she hands me my wallet, whatever Jess' tab was and my beer missing from the cash reserve, and I head off to the Rye house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could've just walked inside, really, but I knock, to be polite. Kim Rye opens the door. She had this glow to her that I just couldn't understand. The circumstances couldn't have been worse, but she made the best of it. Still does. I can see it in her eyes when she's in Prosperity. She has this fiery little glow when she's working, and it hasn't died out, even after all these years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kim invites me in, and feeds me some eggs and a cup of coffee, which I appreciate so, so much. She has a setup in the living room, with a crib that rocks. Baby Carmina was crying a bit, so I touch an end, and rock it, soothing her, at least enough to let Kim sit down eat. Carmina was so, so small. Hard to believe someone so little can grow up into someone so big. We talk a little, going over how things are in the valley. Things have been quiet ever since John kicked it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, I bite the bullet, and I ask her if she's seen Jess around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's out back with my husband," She says, "Shooting geese off the strip."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thank her for her hospitality, and say goodbye to her and my Goddaughter, and go out back. Nick Rye is lounging in his mancave, staring at the strip and its hangers with his feet up, nursing a beer. He looks happier than ever when he sees me. I sit down on a chair next to him, and deny the beer he tries to push my way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I start off by asking him how things have been. Nothing about what he said was any different from what Kim told me, so, I say Kim told me Jess was working back here with him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You just missed her," Nick says, "Took the geese we shot back to town to Mary May."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We shake hands, and I go back to town. I go into the Spread Eagle, hoping to catch Jess again. I don't, but I do find Hudson and Grace, making up a corner of the bar. I approach, and they both meet me with grins and the tip of their glasses. I sit down at the table, denying a drink. They congratulate me on taking down Joseph. Hudson seemed wounded over Burke's death, but she said she was glad at least the Sheriff was alright. I nod in agreement. I ask her how Pratt's been. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Both of them say that the county has been dead ever since I took out Jacob. Most of the time, the people there are either supporting the other regions, or lounging around in town. I grin at that, and then she goes on and says that we shouldn't get so comfortable just yet. Joseph Seed has been horribly quiet so far. Faith didn't even get a eulogy, like her brothers did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wasn't nervous about it, though. I should've been, but I wasn't. All I could think about was burning down that compound and getting my boot on Joseph Seed's neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We chat a little more, about nothing in particular, and I say goodbye to talk to Mary May at the bar. She offers me a drink, but I decline. I ask her if she'd seen Jess. She looks at me, almost like she pitied me. She leans in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't know what her deal was, but, she seemed real mad last night," Mary May said to me, touching my hand, "Maybe you should give her more time to cool off."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She say anything to you?" I ask her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mary May says no, just handed her half the geese she shot and carried the rest to Dutch's place. Before I say goodbye, I send another few beers Grace and Hudson's way, and then take a six pack Mary May doesn't mind parting with, with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I walk up to Dutch's island, meandering to his bunker. I knock politely on the door to let him know I'm coming down, and go down into his living room. He's sitting on his couch, doing a crossword in his lap. He doesn't look up, but he knows it's me, somehow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"A four letter word," Dutch says as I stand in the doorway, "For someone who acts rudely on purpose."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug, "You've got me beat."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"A jerk," He says, and he puts down his crossword, "Which you've been."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know," I say, meek, since I wasn't proud of it in the slightest. Pretty embarrassing to get in a fight with someone, and the only other person in the room is her uncle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He puts down his crossword, motioning me over. I come, and sit on the couch, on the other end. He takes a beer from the caddy, twisting the cap off with a bottle opener on a keyring.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Saw Jess today," He said, "She was outside, plucking feathers off some geese to bring back to the mountains. Left me a couple."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him how she was. He said she was about as mad as a raging bull. She plucked the feathers off those geese like they did something to her. I ask him where she went after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dutch drinks his beer. Then he asks me, "How serious are you about my niece, Aiden?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tell him, pretty serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How serious?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pretty Goddamn fucking serious, I say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dutch looks at me, and he tells I could try to apologize for whatever I said or did all I'd like, but Jess was on a mental rampage, and I'd never say anything that would get through her thick skull in that state.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Made sense. Didn't feel good to just up and give up on her, but, what's the point of making piece with a brick wall? One that might beat me up the next time she sees me, no less. It was smarter, and safer, probably, to let her cool down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me and Dutch drink until night falls. He heads off to bed, and he's nice enough to let me sleep on his couch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"You alright, Cap...Val?" Donnie asks, placing his hand on her shoulder, jolting her out of the hold Judge's words had on her. She closes the book, looking at him.</p><p>"I'm fine," Val says.</p><p>"You look a little...." She cocks an eyebrow, "Distressed."</p><p>"Rough couple weeks. I think it's finally weighing down on me."</p><p>"I get you," He turns his attention to the fire. At some point during their watch, he had brewed some tea. He offers her a cup, which she takes graciously. She sits with her legs crossed, looking at Judge's book.</p><p>"How's poetry going?" Val asks him, drawing her eyes to the smoldering fire.</p><p>"Great. Can't say I didn't make any progress, but, kinda hard to create a song without a way to test some of the chords."</p><p>"I don't think music needs to have a beat to it."</p><p>"Yeah. We call that poetry."</p><p>Val waves him off. They enjoy their tea, until the sun gets lower in the sky. They open the doors to the van, gently waking Mickey and Ethan up for their shifts. Not much is said other than a goodnight/goodmorning. Before she gets to bed, Val helps Donnie prop himself up to keep himself from putting pressure on his back. Val curls up on her bedroll, and dreams of nothing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh fuck oh god oh fuck!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>woof woof woof bark bark bark bark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Someone punches Val's arm, jerking her awake, "Whuzzat?" She jumbles out.</p><p>"We're almost there," Mickey says.</p><p>Val wipes drool from her mouth, looking outside. After another day of travel, they finally left behind the overgrown forests and wastes of the East, embracing the crumbling remains of civilization.</p><p>The van passed through a crumbling suburbia, people working and walking along cracked sidewalks, busy as they did their daily tasks, endless crowds erupting between shanty after shanty. Beyond the shanties, in the foggy distance, were high, crumbling buildings, marking the remains of a city long past it's death date. She looks out the window, seeing crowds of people, either plain - clothed, or bearing graffiti art. Everyone had a gun, and it seemed like everyone was staring at the ground, like they were trying to avoid eye contact with one another.</p><p>"Hey," Ethan says in the passenger seat, "I have a question for you, Mickey."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"How are we supposed to find your mom if you broke contact with her years ago?"</p><p>"Easy. Before the Big Boom, my mom was a doctor. People came to her for all their aches and pains. Last I heard, she's been dodging between medical centers here in the city."</p><p>"And how many are there of those?"</p><p>"Well, there's like, four big ones, then there's hundred of little infirmary tents scattered around - "</p><p>"And you expect us to, what, search all of them?"</p><p>"Yeah. I do."</p><p>He runs a tongue over his teeth, "What if she's not even in the city?"</p><p>"Then we ask around and see if we can find a lead. If we do, we follow it."</p><p>"What if we don't?"</p><p>"There is no <em>we don't</em>. I didn't come all the way out here just to find nothing. Somebody has an answer, and I'm gonna find it."</p><p>Soon, they leave the suburbia for big, ugly, patchwork wood - and - iron gates, with guards at the top of the walls. Mickey reaches over, tapping Ethan on the arm.</p><p>"Hey, switch with Donnie, we need his charm up here."</p><p>Ethan does, Donnie plopping into his seat. Mickey pulls on her hat, then pulls up to a guard waving her down. He lumbers over, decked out in welded metal armor and a thick canvas coat, covered in pink and blue. </p><p>"Business?" The guard asks.</p><p>"Delivery services."</p><p>"You have a - ," He pauses, "Hold up - Donnie?" The guard goes, "The Hell you doing here?"</p><p>Donnie almost leans over Mickey to hear the guard, "Hey, Joba. These travellers passed through Bucket Valley with their van, trying to expand their delivery services. Thought I'd take the opportunity to see the sights."</p><p>"Bet your crew couldn't wait to get rid of you," He laughs.</p><p>Donnie laughs as well, "Yeah, they sure ain't gonna miss me. I thought I'd come along, since, y'know, they're paying me to help them spread the word, and, the Twins' mom is stationed up here. Thought it'd be nice to pay my respects."</p><p>The guard grunts, "Doc's been pretty busy lately. Don't know if you'll get the chance to stop her."</p><p>"You know where she is now?"</p><p>"Center Medical this week."</p><p>"Thanks, man."</p><p>"Hey, you see her, deliver a message?"</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>He clears his throat, "Bandits have been hitting the roads hard since winters on its way, so, if she'd be nice enough to lend a few medics for the South wall, that'd be great."</p><p>"Medics for the South wall, got it. I thought Bucket Valley was the only place experiencing a lotta bandit ransacking."</p><p>"You'd be wrong. Ever since all those heads died at the derby, it's been chaos."</p><p>"How do you feel about it?"</p><p>"You know me . Twin loyalty till I die," He bangs a fist on his chest, "Lotta people didn't like 'em, but they shook things up, for sure," He looks at the rear of the van, "Fuck, I took too long. You all go ahead. Maybe I'll see you later, Don?"</p><p>"Maybe. Don't know how long we'll be here."</p><p>The guard dismisses the van, waving a few gatekeepers to let them through.</p><p>As soon as they're clear of the barrier, Mickey reaches over, "That was fuckin' great," She socks Donnie on the arm, "You stupid fuckin' charmer."</p><p>"You sure know a lotta people," Val comments.</p><p>Donnie smiles, "Hey, I have to pull my weight somehow. Helps to have a friend in every place."</p><p>The streets were crammed with people, and shops and stalls, the towering buildings and skyscrapers swaying in the harsh and cold wind. Val could hear them creak and moan and crumble from the ground.</p><p>"They still have that inn near the hospital?" Mickey asks Donnie.</p><p>"Yeah," He answers, "We've got enough to trade for a spot in their garage, too. Pretty heavily guarded, so, it's safe to leave stuff there."</p><p>They delve into silence for a few minutes. Val looks over at Ethan, who was staring outside, his head craned low, and looking up.</p><p>"Never been to a big city before?" Val asks him, trying to catch his attention.</p><p>"No," He answers, keeping his gaze on the passing buildings around him.</p><p>As soon as he answers, Mickey stops the van. She turns in her chair, "Val, c'mon, let's see if we can reserve a room."</p><p>They dress themselves in some thick layers, and grab some things for trade. Cold wind blew outside. Val shivered. She was<em> not</em> built for the cold. The inn was made out of a shorter apartment building. At least, it was short in comparison to the rest of the tall buildings. It had to be at least ten stories high, part of it refurbished with metal and wood. Val leads them into the inn, avoiding people standing in the foyer. A broad woman attended the front desk.</p><p>"Hi," Val starts, "Can we get a room please?"</p><p>The innkeeper opens up her book, "Just the two of you?"</p><p>"No. Four. Plus a dog."</p><p>"We only have rooms with double beds right now."</p><p>"That's fine."</p><p>"How long's your stay gonna be?"</p><p>Val glances at Mickey, who grumbles and shrugs. Val looks back at the innkeeper, "Three days."</p><p>"Your friend not much of a talker?"</p><p>"She's shy," Val says. She laces her fingers together, grinning sweetly, "I'm her mouthpiece."</p><p>The innkeeper chuckles, humored, "You're doing a good job of it. Anything else?"</p><p>"Yeah, how much for a space in your garage? We've got a van and a trailer full of supplies."</p><p>"An extra few scrap pieces."</p><p>Val exchanges scraps for the room key, and a garage space voucher, with directions to hand the voucher over to one of the guards outside the door, with the keys. They both head back to the van, handing the keys and voucher off to one of the guards, as directed, and tell Donnie and Ethan to help them carry their things upstairs.</p><p>The room was small, with two beds with little space between. There was a window, boarded up and only revealing a small amount of sunlight. Between the beds was a skinny nightstand, and on the opposite wall, a sink with a bowl inside. As cramped as the room was, it was clean, and the beds were made. Val wanders in, and throws herself down on one of the beds.</p><p>"Soft...." She says. Timber comes up, and lays down next to her.</p><p>"Nice place," Donnie comments. He sits down on her other side. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, "Kinda quiet for an inn."</p><p>"Kinda quiet for a city," Mickey says, "Winter usually is, but, this is different."</p><p>"Life of the Highwaymen went with the rest of those heads Val killed," He rubs his neck, "I'm <em>so</em> glad I got sick that weekend."</p><p>Val picks her head up, "Jesus, you were supposed to be there?"</p><p>"Yeah. Haha."</p><p>She turns over, "Donnie, had you been there, I would've <em>definitely</em> killed you," Nobody survived that after - party. Val made sure of that.</p><p>"I know," He shudders, "Jeez."</p><p>"You're just a big bag of luck and charm, Don," Mickey tosses her bag down.</p><p>"Yeah, well," Donnie shrugs, "I probably never would've came, anyway. I hate derbies."</p><p>"You hate everything fun."</p><p>"Just the Highwaymen brand of violence and mayhem."</p><p>Mickey grabs a pillow from the other bed, and smacks him in the head with it. Donnie grabs it from her, and reels back his arm to throw it.</p><p>"No, no, <em>no,</em>" Ethan says strongly, "That's enough! You're going to rip your stitches, Donnie!"</p><p>"Sorry dad," Mickey says.</p><p>"Yeah, sorry dad," Donnie says.</p><p>Ethan snatches the pillow out of his hand. He beams Donnie in the head with it, "Unbelievable," He then throws the pillow at Mickey, who catches it.</p><p>Donnie and Val share a look, stifling laughs.</p><p>Val turns over again, leaning her cheek into her hand and looking at Mickey, "So. What's the next step?"</p><p>"Sleep," She answers, collapsing onto the other bed.</p><p>Val pushes herself upright, and takes off her boots and her layers. She was slowly regaining the feeling in her fingers, and could tie her shoe laces, and pick up utensils. She thinks the bustling, city air might've been helping. She was always drawn to people, and she enjoyed the crowds.</p><p>"Yo, check it out," Donnie reaches to a hanging curtain nailed to the ceiling between the beds, pulled to the side by a ring. He pulls it out of a ring, and it falls, creating a barrier between the beds.</p><p>Val looks around the moth - eaten barrier, "Hot."</p><p>"I can't believe they have this thing in here," Mickey says, "It's probably covered in, like, a hundred different guys' spunk."</p><p>"Ew," Ethan says, "But, I guess it's good we have it. I have to change your bandages, Donnie."</p><p>"Not like he got shot in the ass," Val says.</p><p>Ethan stares at her.</p><p>"Okay goodnight," Val gets up and off the bed, going around the curtain. She and Mickey share a look. <em>Intricate rituals,</em> Val hears in her head, <em>Intricate rituals</em>. She hears the water in the sink run, and footsteps. Ethan and Donnie speak, but in low tones that prevented Val from hearing them.</p><p>Mickey silently takes off her day clothes and gets under the old, threadbare covers. Val crawls into bed with her, Timber hopping up, and taking the spot right between them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Cold in the city," Val shudders, pulling her coat over her tighter. They'd gotten dressed, had eaten some dry meats they'd taken from the bunker, and headed over to the hospital. Nobody was in particularly high spirits, doing their evening routines in almost complete silence, only Val and Donnie breaking it every so often. Outside, despite the quickly setting sun and the cold weather, the streets and vendors were still bustling. However, the group didn't have to travel far to get to where they needed to go.</p><p>The hospital was just that, a hospital. The building was tall and wide, taking up at least a few blocks of the city. Most of it was ugly an lopsided, metal and wood patching holes in the walls. It was surrounded by fences topped with barbed wire. Guards patrolled the outsides, with dogs that snarled when people got too close. Timber took shelter between Ethan and Val while Donnie and Mickey led the pack.</p><p>The front door is wide and open, guarded by two big, beefy gunhands. One steps forward, looking down at the group, towering over them almost cartoonishly.</p><p>"Business?"</p><p>"Delivery," Mickey answers, "And a message to Dr. Stockton."</p><p>"From who?"</p><p>"Package is from the West. Message is from guards on the East wall."</p><p>He rolls his eyes, then waves them inside.</p><p>The inner foyer was packed with people. Some injured, some not, waiting to be attended to.</p><p>"Lotta people," Val reaches back, holding onto Ethan's sleeve, and keeping her hand on Mickey's shoulder, so she doesn't get lost.</p><p>The group pushes through the crowd, until they find an opening, close to the stairs. As they get closer, there's a woman standing there, with a clipboard in her hand. She picks her head up when she sees them approach.</p><p>"If you're injured, you'll have to wait," A woman goes, waving them over. She was dressed in a long, faded and ripped white coat with a blue hoodie underneath, the hood pulled up. The four approach. Closer, Val could see that she was older, maybe in her forties, with dark skin, creases showing around her mouth and eyes.</p><p>The doctor frowns deeply, "Hold on, you're all injured, but....Attended to. Who did this to you all?"</p><p>Val motions to Ethan, "He did."</p><p>"Hi," Ethan says with a wave.</p><p>The doctor overlooks them, "So, not injured. Great," She turns.</p><p>"Hold on," Mickey says, stepping forward, "We have a package for Dr. Deborah Stockton."</p><p>The attendant stops, then turns back around, "What's the package?"</p><p>"It's for her eyes only."</p><p>"Nothing gets to Deb without going through me."</p><p>"It's about the Twins. We travelled all the way from Montana to deliver it."</p><p>The attendant's lips quirk into a toothless grimace. Eventually, she sighs, motioning to a door, "Follow me."</p><p>They're led through the hospital. For as dilapidated it looked outside, it was pretty sturdy inside. Walls were patched up, certain areas visibly rebuilt with wood and scrap metal. There was no stray garbage or crumbling areas. Medical staff were in specific garments, clean, too. It looked like a decent, clean establishment, as normal as any medical encampment back in California. Val wasn't sure what she expected - bags of meat and bodies hanging from the ceiling? Maybe some cartoonishly - loud, agonizing screams echoing through the halls?</p><p>"Doc should be on break right about now," The attendant says, "Should be fine for you to interrupt."</p><p>Val looks at Mickey very quickly, who walks with purpose, but does not respond. She steps up to her side, walking in tandem, Donnie and Ethan taking up the rear with Timber between them. Eventually, after several floors and multiple hallways, the attendant stops at a room.</p><p>"Let me tell her you're here first."</p><p>"We aren't going anywhere," Mickey says. The attendant disappears inside.</p><p>"I swear she looks familiar," Val muses, trying to place her face, bearing no fruit.</p><p>"I'm sure you'll be able to ask her later," Ethan says.</p><p>The four are waiting a total of twenty seconds before the attendant comes back out. She invites them in, holding the door open.</p><p>The room is an office, of a sort. It was stacked with crates of equipment, a single table with some chairs outlining it in the center. It had a big, glass window in the back, half - barricaded with wood. Off in the corner was a desk with a lamp on top. A woman occupied the desk, and when she witnesses the four enter, she stands up, walking to them.</p><p>"Hi," She greets, "I'm Dr. Stockton. Tray tells me you have a package for me," She steps into the light.</p><p>What first hits Val is just how alike Dr. Stockton and Mickey looked. She was the spitting image, but darker - skinned, with no tattoos or piercings. Her dark hair was braided and slung over her shoulder. Val quickly glances at Mickey, who stood there in shock. To make up for the silence, Val steps forward, sticking her hand out.</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Dr. Stockton," She says, "We came all the way from Montana to get here."</p><p>"Whoa, all the way from out West?"</p><p>"Mhm. I'm Val," She motions to Mickey, "And this is, uhm..."</p><p>Mickey doesn't respond, head tilted up, focused on her mom. Stockton rests against the table in the middle, tilting her head, "You seem pretty quiet. You alright?" This also earns her no response.</p><p>"Mick?" Val nudges her, "Go on."</p><p>Mickey coughs, "Uhm, yeah. I'm fine. We...We have items from West. From the Twins."</p><p>Doctor Stockton furrows her brows, "Well....They're dead. I didn't think they had any personal effects left over," She crosses her arms, "Who sent you here?"</p><p>Val hears Mickey take a deep, shaky breath. She reaches up, taking off her bandana, and her hat. She shakes out her hair, looking up, items balled up in her hands.</p><p>Stockton stares, and the friendly gentleness of her face drops into shock. Her gaze stays on Mickey, as if the rest of the room had fallen away, "Oh my God...."</p><p>Val glances at Tray, who was also glancing between the doctor, and Mickey. A look of disbelief was on her face, tight - lipped and nervous.</p><p>For a moment, Val's heart leaps into her throat, adrenaline pumping. She never thought that, <em>maybe</em>, things might go South. Mickey hadn't seen her mom in years. Anything could've happened between then and now. She widens her stance, just slightly, hand ready to grab the pistol in her waistband.</p><p>Stockton pushes from the table, "Look at you..." She steps closer, slow, but unafraid. She looks Mickey up and down, "You're so....<em>Big</em>."</p><p>Mickey doesn't move, standing frozen in place. She tries to grin, but it comes as a weak grimace, "Thanks."</p><p>"You got so <em>skinny</em>," Stockton says, still in a state of disbelief, "You cut your hair..." She reaches out, brushing some of Mickey's hair out of her face. Mickey is as still as stone, unmoving.</p><p>"Deb," Tracey says softly, "Maybe we should close the door."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Stockton invites everyone to sit at the table. There's not enough chairs for all six of them, so, Val chooses to stand. Donnie, Tray, and Ethan make up one end, Mickey and Dr. Stockton the other, Val standing in the space between Donnie and Mickey, Timber quietly laying under the table.</p><p>Dr. Stockton stares at her daughter like she's witnessed an act of God. A total look of wonder, shock wetly flecking her deep - colored eyes, "How are you even alive?" She says, eventually.</p><p>Mickey motions over her shoulder, to Val, "Good Samaritans."</p><p>Val waves a hand, saying nothing. She resists the urge to touch Mickey, to touch her shoulder, or hold out her hand to give her something to hold onto. Everything about this encounter was intense.</p><p>Her mother looked at her sadly, "And Lou?"</p><p>"Not so lucky."</p><p>Her mother nods, sitting back. She looked sad, but not surprised, "Are you hungry?" She asks, probably directed at the rest of the group, but focused on Mickey.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Do you want something to drink?"</p><p>"We're fine."</p><p>"How well - supplied are you?"</p><p>"Could always use more, but, we've got plenty, and we can always hunt or trade for what we don't have."</p><p>"Where are you staying?"</p><p>"Memphis Inn, right across the street."</p><p>Stockton purses her lips. She leans her elbows on the table, "Why did you come here, Michelle?"</p><p>There's a long stretch of silence, then, Mickey shrugs, "Because you deserved to know what happened to Lou. I wanted to tell you myself."</p><p>Stockton reaches over, putting her hand over her daughter's, "It's been the biggest piece of news since Vince died. I knew it a few weeks after it happened," She squeezes her hand, "Why did you come all the way out here?"</p><p>There's a long silence on Mickey's part. She's still, and stiff. Stockton rubs her thumb over the back of her hand, leaned forward, ready to listen.</p><p>Mickey takes a deep breath, eyes shining, "Because I wanted to see you," She finally says, quietly.</p><p>Her mother smiles softly, "Well? You saw me."</p><p>Mickey huffs out a soft, soft laugh, then, her face falls. She purses her lips, a tear rolling down her cheek. Her mom pulls her in, tucking her into her shoulder.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Mom..." Mickey says, "I'm sorry..."</p><p>"This isn't your fault, babygirl," Stockton offers, softly, "It's gonna be alright."</p><p>As much as she didn't want to, Val taps Ethan and Donnie, "C'mon. Let's go wait outside."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>While Donnie, Ethan, Timber, and Val take up one side of the hallway, sitting on the floor, Tray leans against the wall opposite of them. Her arms and legs were crossed, staring down. </p><p>"You're insane for bringing her here," Tray says.</p><p>"She deserves to see her mom again," Val answers.</p><p>"She also deserves a bullet to the head for all the shit she's done with that sister of hers."</p><p>Val clenches her jaw, "You'd have to go through me to do that."</p><p>Tray stares at her. Her eyes were slightly colorless with age, but soften, slightly. She inhales, leaning back, "You need to be careful around her."</p><p>"I don't have a reason to be. She's been around for over a year. If she wanted to kill me, she would've done it by now."</p><p>"Yeah, well, you better keep her hidden. Highwaymen find her, our situation will just get worse."</p><p>"Why? What's going on?"</p><p>"Basically, Highwaymen are roaming the streets like some freak mutants, snatching people up, looting their places. You see the amount of armed guards around here? They're the only thing keeping our supplies safe."</p><p>"That reminds me," Donnie says, scratching Timber behind his ears as he laid his head in his lap, "Joba on the East wall says he needs extra medics on the South wall. Bandits are bad."</p><p>Tray sighs, pinching her nose, "Of course he does," She picks her head up, light catching her face, "We'll send some folks over there as soon as possible."</p><p>Val can't help but squint at her as the light hit her face, "So, what do you do here, Tray?" She asks her.</p><p>"Tray's a nickname the doc gives me," She replies, "It's Tracey. And I'm just another medic. Nothing special."</p><p>"Tracey...." Val muses. She stares hard into Tracey's face, trying to place her features.</p><p>Grabbing at something she just can't get ahold of, she dives into her pack, getting out Judge's book. She flips through the pages, until she gets to -</p><p>"Tracey Lader," Val confirms, looking at her portrait that Judge had drawn out.</p><p>Tracey's head snaps to her, eyebrows raising, "How did - ?"</p><p>"You were in Hope County," She says.</p><p>She frowns, "I don't remember you."</p><p>"I'm not from there. Highwaymen were razing the valley, so, Carmina Rye sent for help from us in California. There's a whole community of survivors out there. And while we were there fighting the Highwaymen off every speck of land, some of the veterans told me all about the county before the collapse."</p><p>Tracey stared at her. Her face soured, waving Val off, "I gave up Hope's County a long time ago."</p><p>"I know you did. You left some letters behind," She draws her knees up, "How'd you end up here in the Highwaymen mecca?"</p><p>"I was walking, until a Highwaymen caravan stopped me. They were hoping to shake me down, but, when they found out I had some medical training, and took me on instead. I pal'd around with them for a bit, until I heard a rumor they were short staffed here in Michigan. I rolled in here around, say, five years ago, and stayed ever since."</p><p>"From what I heard about you - "</p><p>"And who the Hell is talking about me in the valley? Not like anyone cared."</p><p>Val draws up the lie quick, "Sharky Boshaw, for one. Some others just mention you in their stories, but, he's the most direct."</p><p>She goes quiet, "What'd he have to say?"</p><p>Val reads off what she gleaned from Judge's book, "You were real focused on your job at the prison, but real mean, too," This makes Tracey snort, "And that you did real good work helping him and Jess Black and J - Uhm, Aiden when they got into that car crash. And that he was sad to realize that you were gone that one day."</p><p>Tracey is quiet for another moment. She rubs her eyes, dragging her hand down her face, "And how's he?"</p><p>"Just fine. He's, like, a mom now."</p><p>Tracey's eyes widen, "He had a <em>baby</em>?"</p><p>"No. Hurk did. He and his baby momma share custody, so, Sharky stepped up."</p><p>"Who's the baby momma?"</p><p>"Ex - Highwaymen named Gina Guerra."</p><p>"Figures."</p><p>Val continues, "A lot of people are still around from the county before the collapse. Grace Armstrong, the Ryes - "</p><p>"How's Carmina?"</p><p>"Oh, she's great. Kinda hard - headed sometimes, though. Also, Pastor Jerome - "</p><p>"Thank God for that."</p><p>"It's a pretty nice place now, actually, besides all the Highwaymen."</p><p>"The key is to stay in groups and avoid the roads," Ethan comments.</p><p>"Huh," Tracey shifts, "Anything else interesting?"</p><p>"New Eden is still around."</p><p>Tracey huffs, "Of course they are. Buncha fucks."</p><p>"Well, see, they haven't caused any trouble since - "</p><p>Ethan jumps in before Val can finish, "Joseph Seed is dead."</p><p>Her eyes light up, "Really? Of what?"</p><p>"Killed himself," Ethan stretches his legs out, seemingly unbothered. Val frowned at him, but said nothing.</p><p>Tracey looks him over, "What's your name, kid?"</p><p>"Ethan."</p><p>"And where are you from?"</p><p>"New Eden," He answers, snidely.</p><p>She stares at him.</p><p>In rapid response, Val wraps an arm around Ethan's shoulders, pulling him in, "But he's with us now! Turned over a new, Peggie - free leaf. I think he'd be killed on sight if he showed up to New Eden, actually."</p><p>Ethan fidgets out from Val's arm, "Yes, <em>thank you</em> for reminding me."</p><p>"Peggies don't just let you leave," Tracey says, "What happened?"</p><p>"I just had to get out of there."</p><p>"So you snuck out?"</p><p>"Sure. Let's go with that."</p><p>Tracey eyes him, then looks at Val, "He always like this?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Yeah, well, Prosperity always did like picking up strays."</p><p>Ethan huffs, crossing his arms in the most polite pout he could muster.</p><p>"Y'know," Donnie says, "I didn't realize you guys had so much baggage of the historical kind."</p><p>"It's up to us to make sure we don't make the mistakes of the past," Val says. <em>That's the whole reason Judge gave me their book.</em></p><p>"Right," Ethan agrees, "Just look at me, for example. I'd say I'm doing a great job at not turning into my father."</p><p>"And what'd your father do?" Tracey asks.</p><p>"Be an asshole," Val says, reaching behind and pinching Ethan's hip. He jumps, and makes a sharp sound of protest, "But he died in a Highwaymen attack, so, not all bad."</p><p>Tracey's eyes draw to Cap's arm, then Donnie, "You helped these two here?" She looks at Ethan.</p><p>"Yupper," Val replies, waving her cast, "Reset the bone and cleaned it himself."</p><p>"And you made a cast," Tracey says. She huffs, "Half the people here don't know how to make a cast," She jerks a thumb at Donnie, "And what about him?"</p><p>"Bullet wound through the shoulder," Donnie replies, "Bullet passed right through me, thankfully."</p><p>"Shrapnel?"</p><p>"Left it in," Ethan answers.</p><p>Tracey tuts. She pushes off the wall, motioning for the three to follow her. They exchange looks, but do. They're led into a room next to Dr. Stockton's office, this one also filled with equipment, but with a few added cots.</p><p>Tracey pats one of them, "Right up here, kid."</p><p>Donnie hops up onto the cot, taking off his coat, and then his shirt. Tracey looks over the bandaging.</p><p>"Done tight, and neat," She comments, "What's the padding for back here?"</p><p>"Knife wounds."</p><p>"You got stabbed?"</p><p>"Uh. No."</p><p>"You mind if I take a look? Just to make sure everything's sound."</p><p>"Go ahead."</p><p>"I think my work is fine," Ethan says.</p><p>"Well, I need to make sure," She undoes some of Donnie's bandaging at his shoulder, "Can't trust a kid's work."</p><p>"A kid - " He huffs, "I don't think that's really necessary."</p><p>"If I needed a Peggie telling me what to do," Tracey says with a look, "I would've stayed with the Project."</p><p>Ethan's face goes red, "Peggie - ?"</p><p>"<em>Okaythankswe'llgiveyousomeprivacybye</em> - " Val pushes him out of the room before he can retort properly, shutting the door behind.</p><p>"Did you hear that, Val? She called me a Peggie," He scoffs, "A <em>Peggie</em>!"</p><p>"I heard you the first time," She stops pushing him, walking alongside as they go down the hallway, "Judge says she's really prickly. She doesn't trust easy, so, don't take it so personally."</p><p>"Why? Just because she's older, I need to automatically respect her?"</p><p>"She's got like twenty more years of medical experience over you. It wouldn't hurt to have her look over Donnie's injuries, just to be safe. Just stand back and let her do her thing."</p><p>"I don't see why - "</p><p>Val has had enough. She grabs Ethan by his elbow, pulling him close, her words grating harshly, "You need to cut it out," She forces him to look at her, "Don't talk, just listen. Tracey has been through a whole lot in the valley. She doesn't need you antagonizing her, doesn't need us to bring Mickey here and give Stockton something to worry about, and she sure as Hell doesn't need to know that you're Joseph Seed's son. Read the fucking room, for once in your Goddamn life," Val pushes a finger into his chest, "I need you to keep your mouth shut. This isn't Prosperity. This isn't Bucket Valley. This is for Mickey, and I'm not going to let you fuck it up." </p><p>Stunned into silence, Ethan stares at her. He looked like a toddler caught in the middle of some devious scheme. He nods slowly, staring down at the floor, "Whatever you say," He says quietly.</p><p>Realization came over Val in one, bright flash. This was the first, real time she's yelled at Ethan. And, honestly, it felt kinda good. She pulls back her hand, making space between them.</p><p>"Just...." She sighs, "Just be cool, man."</p><p>"I can be cool," He says.</p><p>In tense silence, they wait outside for either Donnie, or Mickey, to appear first.</p><p>"Hey," Val says, eventually, after thirty minutes of quiet.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Wanna sign my cast?"</p><p>Ethan does. He finds a pen in his satchel, turning Val's cast and admiring Mickey's graffiti, "Not a lot of room for anyone else."</p><p>"You just have to get creative."</p><p>After a few seconds of staring and turning, he writes his name under a cluster of eyeballs in his barely - legible handwriting. He does not let go of Val's arm, instead holding it in his lap.</p><p>"They're taking a long time," He says.</p><p>"Mickey, or Donnie?"</p><p>"Both," He taps the hard plaster of Val's cast, "Do you think Dr. Stockton will alert anyone that Mickey's here?"</p><p>"No," Val says solidly, "She won't."</p><p>"What about that assistant of hers?"</p><p>"If the doc won't, I don't think she will, either."</p><p>Ethan hums, still tapping her cast, "Honestly, Val, this all feels...." He trails off.</p><p>"Feels....?" She wonders.</p><p>"Easy. Too easy."</p><p>Confused, Val furrows her brows at him, "Explain that."</p><p>"We just...Rode into the city, without problems. And then we walked into this hospital, conveniently ran into someone who was close with the doctor, and now we're waiting for Mickey's business to be done before we head back to the valley, more prepared than we ever could be. It all feels much too good to be true."</p><p>"Don't be so negative, Eth," She reaches up, touching his long hair, "If you keep thinking like that, then something will go wrong."</p><p>He frowns, saying nothing. They sit quietly together, Val braiding his hair over his shoulder. After another ten minutes, Donnie comes out, Tracey right behind, and Ethan pushes himself up to his feet.</p><p>"How was it?" Val asks, standing up.</p><p>"It was horrible. She did a rectal exam and everything," He puts his hands up when a look of utter shock falls over Ethan's face, "Kidding, kidding."</p><p>"He's fine," Tracey says, "Everything was clean and neat and where it needed to be. And you're smart enough to clean the wounds and replace the bandages so often," She looks at Ethan, arms crossing, "Good job, kid."</p><p>Val elbows Ethan. He mutters an Ow!, looking at her, and then looks back at Tracey. He mirrors her body language, "Thanks," He says. He side - eyes Val for approval. She nods.</p><p>"You guys really came all the way out here for Mickey?" Tracey asks, "Just to visit?"</p><p>"Yeah," Val says.</p><p>"Can I ask why?"</p><p>Everyone's eyes were on Val, the defacto ringleader of the crew. Val wets her lips, and shrugs, "It was the right thing to do," She says. It was the simplest answer to give.</p><p>Tracey shakes her head, "You're insane."</p><p>Val grins, "Yupper," She puts her arms around Donnie and Ethan, "And everyone loves it."</p><p>"I certainly do not," Ethan says, trying to shrug out of her grip, but getting nowhere.</p><p>"I do," Donnie says, reaching around Val to keep Ethan in place, "And I for one cannot wait to get the fuck out of Highwaymen territory."</p><p>"Well, when you all go, just be careful," Tracey says, "Highwaymen are falling over like a house of cards. They're acting like they never had leaders in the first place."</p><p>"Yeah, we've been careful," Val says, finally letting the boys go.</p><p>And as she does, the door to Dr. Stockton's office opens. Mickey is the first one out, her hat and bandana on, with the doctor following close behind.</p><p>"I wish we had more time," Stockton says.</p><p>"It's fine," Mickey tells her.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer?"</p><p>"You seem to be pretty busy this season," She looks over at the four in the hallway, Timber siphoning between her legs, "I shouldn't really keep you."</p><p>"I don't mind."</p><p>"Well, see, I do. We left an entire community behind to fend for themselves while we traveled here. They're totally useless without Val around to protect them," She shrugs, "Doesn't matter that I leave, though. Now I know where you are, and now Lou can't intercept my letters to you."</p><p>Stockton looked like she was holding on by a thread, hands clasped together, "When you do, send them to Tray - Tracey Lader."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"We share a house together," She steps close to Tracey, taking her hand.</p><p>Mickey blinks, "Oh."</p><p>"Are you sure you have to go so soon?"</p><p>Val's eyes dart from Stockton, to Tracey, to Mickey, and around again. She goes up to Mickey, and grasps her hand, "We can stay longer. Valley's not gonna fall apart. We've been gone this long. Not like they're gonna miss us any longer."</p><p>"We're pulling a night shift here," Stockton says, "But, you're free to join us for breakfast."</p><p>Mickey looked between her mother and Tracey. She took a deep breath, taking her hand from Val, "Yeah. OK. Breakfast. Sure."</p><p>Stockton breathes a sigh of relief. She releases Tracey to reach out for Mickey. She pushes her hat up, kissing her forehead, and holding her for a moment. It made Val's own chest ache with longing as she thought of her own moms.</p><p>When the doctor releases Mickey, she pulls her hat back down over her eyebrows, "Nice disguise," She says, "Too much blue, I think," Mickey snorts. Stockton pulls away, looking at Tracey, "Can you show them out, Tray?"</p><p>"It's fine," Mickey says, "We can find our own way."</p><p>"Yeah, well, security's tight. They have a habit of patting down suspicious, non - injured persons," Tracey walks forward, "Follow me."</p><p>"Bye, Michelle," Stockton says, uttering nothing to the rest of the crew, "See you soon."</p><p>Mickey waves wordlessly, nudging Val to start walking. Ethan and Donnie take up the rear with dear Timber as Mickey and Val trudge behind Tracey.</p><p>"So," Mickey says as they head downstairs, "You and my mom."</p><p>"Yeah," Tracey answers.</p><p>"How long's that been?"</p><p>"Two years."</p><p>"And you share a house already together. Okay."</p><p>Tracey scoffs, "First your pet cultist tells me how to do my job, and now the ex - warlord is gonna give me dating advice."</p><p>"I just wanna make sure she's taken care of."</p><p>"She doesn't need anyone to take care of her," They get to the bottom floor, Tracey moving between bodies to get to the team to the front doors. Some armored guards part for her and the crew. Before they can leave, Tracey stops Mickey, getting close and keeping her voice low. She says something Val can't hear, then goes back inside, leaving the four and Timber out in the cold night.</p><p>Before Val can ask what she said, Mickey turns on her heel, going towards the inn.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Everything about Mickey's body felt tight and stiff, like someone coiled up a spring, their finger kept down so it couldn't loosen. She barely felt herself in her own body. She found her mom, and she talked to her mom, and she was welcomed by her mom, but she couldn't believe it. After everything she had done, the places she's burned, after the people she's hurt - killed, after getting Lou killed, her mom still loved her. She could see it in her eyes, in how she grasped Mickey like she'd disappear the moment she let go.</p><p>Mickey couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand to still be loved by her. She didn't deserve it.</p><p>And she really, really wasn't looking forward to the breakfast planned when the sun came up.</p><p>But, Val seemed to be hopeful about it. She asked what Mickey and her mom talked about while they waited in the hallway. Mickey replies that they '<em>Just talked,</em>' but she was too embarrassed to admit they just sat there, mainly in silence. Stockton stared at her like she appeared out of thin air, and Mickey was too afraid to speak, like her words could blast the moment apart. She guessed that the dreaded breakfast was going to be the same.</p><p>They get back to the inn. Donnie and Ethan go up with them, but don't stay very long. Donnie says he wants to show Ethan the town's night bazaar. He asks Mickey if she wants to go. She declines. When he asks Val, to Mickey's surprise, she declines, as well. The two girls' eyes meet, and Mickey can read worry in Val's.</p><p>With Timber in tow, Ethan and Donnie leave with only their wits and scrap for trade.</p><p>The silence between Val and Mickey is almost as loud as a gunshot. Mickey sits on their bed, taking off her disguise of a bandana and knitted hat, and her boots, laying down.</p><p>"Your mom seems really nice," Val says, finally, always the first one to break.</p><p>"She is," Mickey replies. She turns over, staring at the wall and the boarded - up window, seeing the random lights of the city through the board slots. She pulls up her knees. <em>This sucks</em>, she decides, <em>This really fucking sucks.</em></p><p>She hears Val walk forward, and feels the bed dip when she sits. A hand rubs her arm. The touch is warm and kind. Val moves, laying parallel with her, her chest pressed to Mickey's back.</p><p>"I feel like I'm going fucking insane," Mickey barely registers the words that come out of her mouth, "I feel like this is one bad fucking dream, and I'll wake up at any minute."</p><p>Val says nothing, so, she continues.</p><p>"This can't be real, right? I didn't just walk into her workspace and find her without any trouble at all, right? And she doesn't still..." She trails off, the words getting stuck in her throat, "She doesn't still love me, after all that happened?"</p><p>"I think she does," Val says quietly, "I think she still loves you. A whole lot," She rubs her hands over Mickey's stomach, like the action would soften the blow of her words, "Like, I think you're confusing love and forgiveness, Mick."</p><p>And that was it. That was the big, glaring thing that Mickey couldn't put her finger on. Her mom didn't forgive her - she couldn't. But she still loved her. She still loved the little girl she gave birth to. She couldn't have known the girls she raised were going to be so rotten, so violent, so terrible, so -</p><p>Mickey turns over, to Val, to her soft place to fall. Throughout the journey, no matter the problem, there was always one, singular positive around. Val. The one person who should really be keeping her distance from her. Val looks at her, eyes gleaming with worry. Mickey had seen real rage in those eyes countless times. Rage that made you want to end your life before she could ever get ahold of you. It was so impossible for Mickey to imagine Val looking at her so softly.</p><p>And yet, she was.</p><p>Mickey doesn't think this time. She just acts. She moves close, pressing their bodies together, and lays her head on Val's chest. She cries silently, the worries and fears and stresses of the trip finally weighing down on her. She lets herself go, and lets herself be held.</p><p>She's not used to this. The raw emotion, the acceptance of being human. She was so used to burying everything down deep, so deep that even she couldn't reach it. She's not used to the openness Val meets her with. It frightens her. Frightens her bad.</p><p>Tucked into Val's chest, Mickey closes her eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It takes a while, but, Mickey finally sobs herself to sleep. Val peels away, and pulls the blanket up, covering Mickey up to her chin. It seemed like the only sort of peace Mickey ever got was when she slept.</p><p><em>What a horrible way to live,</em> Val thinks. She stares at Mickey for a few moments, gently moving her hair out of her face. This was no way to live your life, to be consumed by every fault of the past. But, if Mickey didn't face her past sins head - on, she'd never be able to move on into the future. And wherever Mickey went, Val would follow.</p><p>She settles in next to Mickey, taking out Judge's journal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh fuck oh god oh god oh fuck</p><p>thanks for reading!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lol sorry this took so long. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>I wake up the next morning to coffee and some eggs, and I thank Dutch, and then I'm on my way again. I immediately go back to the prison. Whitehorse is awake. He looked just fine to me, but, he also looked real tired. I sit down on a chair, and I look at him, and I tell him Faith is dead. He says he was aware, Tracey told him. I ask him how she was. He told me she looked a right mess, but, she tried real hard not to let it show. I ask him how he is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He told me he was sorry. For letting it all get this bad. For getting me involved in it. For being the reason the Marshal was dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was surprised he said that. The only person I blamed for Burke's death was me, but, there Whitehorse was, accepting something he was never blamed for. He was bravado and stubbornness wrapped up in aviator glasses and a handlebar mustache with his hat always tipped low, convinced he always knew what was right. This was a different Whitehorse I looked at. Humble. Meek.</em>
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  <em>Real quick, I thought, maybe Faith's Bliss got to him, like I was early enough to stop it from getting worse, but too late to stop it completely. But, no. That wasn't it. He was finally owning up to his wrongdoings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask him how long he's gonna be on bedrest. He says maybe another day, he's feeling strong. I tell him, good, because as soon as he's done, no more hiding behind the prison walls. He's hitting the dirt, and I expect him to be driving around the river, helping people and mowing down Peggies, just like I've got Pratt and Hudson doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I excuse myself, and head outside. The sun on the Henbane's side felt so much brighter, and so much warmer. People pass me, saying hello, and for the first time in a while, I'm not annoyed to say hello back. Oh yeah, I thought things were looking up. This was the start of the end. The dawn of the final day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, that was truer than I needed it to be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the next week, I patrol the Henbane on my after - Seed cleanup duty, as I did before with the brothers. We tear down every Peggie emblem we find, and tear up the Path those bastards set up. The saddest part out of everything was, without Faith, and without her forces, the Angels had nowhere to go. They were just walking around, unattended. Most of them weren't even violent towards us. They were like lost cattle, wandering, totally without command or direction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was this one, a couple days into my patrols, that was wandering, all by his lonesome. I stopped my truck, and got out, ready to end him, but he turned around. He looked at peace, but lost. He waddled up to me, which was something I never saw before, and he looked at me with these wide eyes. As kinda a test, I walked back a few steps, and he followed me, like I was his owner. Jesus, was it sad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got him to follow me down the hill he was on, until we both reached a little ditch. I sat down, next to this little patch of flowers, and, he sat with me. He started picking some of the flowers out of the ground, plucking the petals and the leaves off. I could only think of what brand of monster could let force someone live like this. To live totally brainless, dependant on others without any autonomy of their own. I put him out of his misery before he even realizes it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unfortunately, killing them was all we could do. People were trying to find a way to de - lobotomize those folks way before I ever showed up to the valley, and all their results yielded in failure. Nobody could ever come back from being an Angel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I bet if you dug deep enough out in the East of the valley, you'd still find the mass graves we built for them, under the rubble of the past.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some days later, like, a week and five, I stop in a little cabin, making sure everything's sound and safe. There's a TV inside. It broadcasts snow, right until I get closer to turn it off. Now, I saw the pink - lit bust of the Father on the screen. I was waiting for this, for Faith's eulogy. I pull up a chair, and sit down, putting my feet up on the coffee table.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked so destitute, the Father. All I could think of was, Good. Be sad, motherfucker!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"A seal has been opened," He goes, "My Faith....My Faith...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I reach into my bag, popping open a beer that's gone warm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She was not the first to carry that name, but she was the most devoted," He picked his sad, puppy - dog eyes up at the camera, at me, "She was like many of you when she came to me. Broken....Lost....I put my faith inside her, and she became angelic. Perfect."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This eulogy was kinda creepy, I decided, at that moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And those sinners took her away from us. It is Faith that holds us together, and without it we are lost. So we must never lose faith. And those who try to harm us....Will suffer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then he changed. The camera lingered on him, and his usually relaxed, almost peaceful face started to twist, into this grimace, full of anger. Full of hate. He took off his stupid, Goddamn sunglasses, and threw them somewhere, off camera. He started to sweat, and snivel, and by God, I couldn't look away. Even when I punched that bastard in the Goddamn face, he didn't react. He started rocking in his chair, sniffing and crying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My family...." He cries, "My brothers, my sisters, they've been taken from me!" He yells, yells, and I have never heard him so tense, "By a snake in the garden!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He groans, and rocks, and sweats, and I'm captivated by it all. He looks up, at the pink light that shines down on him, "I thought I knew God's plan," He sobs and cries, "But I was wrong. I was blind," And then he looks out, back at the camera, and it felt like he knew I was watching. Our eyes met, my reflection on top of his image on the screen, "But now I see. You took my family from me so that I could have yours. We will welcome them...With open arms...Just as we will welcome you. We'll be waiting for you where it all began."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The camera shuts off, replacing it with snow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At first, I stared at the screen, and I thought, Oh, he's fucking welcoming me to go kill him and the rest of those Peggies. But then I thought about it. You took my family so that I could have yours. My family. He was looking for my crew.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I panicked. I was close to the prison, so, I run in, and ask around, ask if anyone's seen Whitehorse. Nobody has since that morning. He went on some patrol errand, and never came back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I push my way into the prison control room, commandeering the radio, and ring up Tammy in the mountains. She hasn't seen Pratt since that morning, either. Went on patrol, never came back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I call Grace. No Hudson, and she's been panicking, too, because Hudson is real tight and wouldn't leave without saying where she was headed, even if she were going out for just a walk or a drive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They were all missing. Right under my nose. Snatched out from their dailies, right in the middle of the day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted blood. I wanted as much blood as I could feasibly fucking spill. I wanted limbs ripped off bodies. I wanted skins flayed off meat. I wanted to burn all them Peggies alive inside those shitty, whitewashed shacks they call homes and piss on the ashes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I cast an open broadcast on the radio. I need everybody in charge of anything to show up to the church in Holland Valley, within the hour. I run into Tracey, and she rides with me over to the church. Jerome is outside, and he tries to ask me if I'm OK, but of course I'm not, so I say nothing and keep walking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody I know is collected in that church, crammed inside like fish in a barrel. I push through the crowd, people patting my back and muttering something, whether it's a hello or I'm sorry or we'll get that back, Aiden, don't worry. Real quick, in the corner of the church, I see Jess. Her hood was up, but she picked her head up, and looked at me. Her face was unreadable, but, I could tell she wanted to speak to me. But I didn't have the time to stop and talk to her, so, I walk up, and take the spot at the podium.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I do, everyone falls into silence. You could hear a pin drop. All my friends, my comrades in arms, every key player in the valley, they were all there, besides Dutch and Kim Rye, and they were all staring at me, expecting a plan, or something to fill them with a lust for violence against the Project. Not like they needed it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The church projects my voice so well, I don't even need a mic. I think I remember just how shaky my voice sounded as it came out of me, "So. All the Seeds are dead. Except for one," My mouth was so dry from the nervousness, because, who fucking knows what was happening to Whitehorse, Hudson, and Pratt right then and there, "Look, I don't have a speech, or a rousing cry for battle, or anything funny or clever to say as some final fuck - you before I storm the gates. I don't even have much of a plan, I'll be honest. I was kinda hoping just to go in, kill everybody, and save my friends, which has worked out for me before, but, I don't know how great it'll go this time."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look around the room, at everyone's faces, who're mixed with worry and anger and sadness and determination. I grip the sides of the pedestal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"All I have is a request that's going to ask a lot of all of you," I take a deep breath, "I need your help. I've given my blood to you....And I've taken blood from you....And I'm sorry that this all fucking happened, but I just can't do this on my own this time. I feel like something big's gonna go down, and, it's not something I can face all by myself."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I let my request linger in the air for a little bit, scanning everyone's faces, and I realize, they're all looking at me like they can't believe I had to even ask them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jerome, and Mary May are the first to step up, "We're with you, Aiden," Mary May says, and Jerome pumps his shotgun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then Grace Armstrong walks up from the crowd, "I've got your back," She says, "And I'm not leaving that compound until we leave with Joey, or Joseph Seed leaves in a body bag."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And quickly after her, people voice their support. Nick Rye, Adelaide, everybody in that room, they all step forward. They're armed, and ready, and they all look at me, like I'm a starting point in their rally against the Family. I've never felt more strong than seeing everyone in that room, ready to rumble, because I asked them. Word had spread, through Sharky, of course, about what me and my team did. And nobody cared, as long as we kept trying to right our wrongs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I feel someone punch me in the arm, and I look, and see Jess, "I'm with you. And all the Whitetails, too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look back at the room, "Here's what we're gonna do. We go down to the Project stronghold. We rescue the people he's taken. We burn it all down. And we wipe the Seeds off the map."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everyone hoops and hollers, then goes quiet, expecting more from me. I take a deep breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's one request I have for you all, though," I lean forward, "Joseph Seed is my kill. You find him, you bring him to me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More hollering, then, everyone clears out, excited for the big, final battle they were being thrown into. I give everyone four hours to ready, then, we all meet up back in Holland Valley for a final push.</em>
</p><p>The next page is a scene in what Val concludes was in the church. It features a crowd of people, scattered amongst the pews, cramped inside the building. Everyone stared intensely out.</p><p>
  <em>Everyone disperses, except for me, and except for Jess. She nods her head for me to follow, and, I do. I follow her out past the town, and out past the wheat crops, until we find a little, abandoned spot. It's empty, no sign of Resistance or Peggie touching the little shack. She leans up against it, all cool, with her arms crossed, like I dragged her all the way out there instead of the other way around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She takes off her bow, inspecting it, "I'm sorry that I beat you up. I was drunk, and all emotional, and I let it get out of hand."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I say, it's alright, Jess. Don't even worry about it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not worrying about it," She says, "I'm saying I'm sorry, aren't I?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And even though I thought about her beating me up again, I slide in close, and I hug her. And I tell her I'm sorry, and I never meant to hurt her, and I just want to get the Seeds in the ground so I can forget about all the death and the killing and move the fuck on. And I tell her that I'm happy that I didn't fuck up so bad she decided to give up on me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tells me that if I ever even thought that she'd give up on me, I don't know her as well as I thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We kiss, and she pulls me into the shack.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jess Black was tough as nails and as mean as a rattlesnake. But when those lights went out, and she opened up, because she chose to, because she felt comfortable and safe and loved and wanted, it was like turning a log in the grass, bleached by sunlight, to reveal the green, lively underbelly living in the shadow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we're done, me and her head to Dutch's bunker. We cracked a beer in honor of our last stand against the Peggies, and he was kind enough to let me borrow an extra kevlar vest for the trip. While Dutch said that he was sure we'll beat those bastards back, he looked worried. I felt it, too. If Jess felt it, she didn't say. Our witching hour approaches so slow, between our bouncing legs and our nervous habits.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before we leave, I shake Dutch's hand, and I thank him for everything he's ever done for me, and I hope to repay the favor one day. He says killing Joseph Seed would even the score. And, just because I could, I gave him a hug. He hugs me back, and I hear Jess make some unattractive, choking sound.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We leave, and make it back to town. Everyone was siphoning it, one at a time, in their own vehicles, toting some heavy fucking firepower.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before we all head out, Hurk and Sharky pass around beers to everyone. We toast, to whatever the fuck we wanted to, and drink, and get in our trucks, and head on up to their compound. It was early morning, but as the time passed, all that sun turning the land yellow and warm, it felt so perfect. So perfect.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We stop at the gates of the compound. They're open. But, something felt wrong. I didn't see anybody. I didn't hear a dog bark, I didn't hear a yell, an alarm blare. I didn't even hear the wind shake the leaves on the trees around us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hop out of my truck. I tell the rest of them to stay at the gates, and to be ready to hop in when they start hearing gunfire. Jess tells me it's not smart to go alone, but, I couldn't shake the feeling I had. I needed to check it all out first, just to be safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all deathly quiet as I go forward, retracing my steps back up to Joseph's little whitewashed chapel, with it's green wooden roof. I look around the front, and there's some open bliss barrels.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't even get the chance to really investigate, because Joseph Seed comes bursting out of his church, shirtless, as he had a habit of being. And he looked at me like I was death on a white horse. With bleak, unhappy acceptance. He stalked towards me, real cool, unworried about the gun I toted, or the people that he had to know were behind me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked toward the sky, and he said, "And the Lamb broke the fifth seal, and I saw under the altar the souls of the Martyrs, slain because of the Word of God."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And he pointed at me, "You've made Martyrs of my family....And I am prepared to do the same to yours. But God is watching us. And he will judge us on what we choose in this moment."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where's my team?" I ask him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he moves like I said nothing, "I told you we were living in a world on the brink, where every slight, every injustice, where every choice reveals our sins. And where have those sins led us? Where have those sins led you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where's my team, Joseph?" I ask him again. Strangely enough, I wasn't scared of the Father. He never did dirty work on his own. I wasn't afraid of him hurting me. Could take out a baby, but couldn't handle to take the life of a grown adult.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your friends have been taken and tortured, and it's your fault," He steps close to me, "Countless people have been killed, and it's your fault," Another accusatory little step, "The world is on fire, and it's your fault."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could see my reflection in his yellow sunglasses, in his glassy eyes. I could see how much I changed over my time in the valley. And it was all because of him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gets real close to me now, and I could smell the bitter scent of Bliss on him, "Was it worth it?" He asks me, "Was it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm gonna ask you one last time," I say to him, "Where. Is. My. Team?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"When are you gonna realize that every problem cannot be solved with a bullet? When you first came here, I gave you the choice to walk away," He turned, motioning to his chapel, showing off his scars and his tattoos. And then he turned and looked at me, like I was a high school student who didn't do my homework, so now I couldn't go to prom, "You chose not to. In the face of God I am making you that offer one last time."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then he gets closer, again, "Put down your guns. And take your friends. You leave me my flock, and you go in peace," And he opens his arms, looking into the sky, "Remember. God is watching."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I knee him in the groin. He crumples into the dirt with a sound like a dying sheep. I hock a loogie on him, then crouch low, our faces close as he writhed, "We can make this easy, Seed. Or, we can make this hard. Where. Are. My. Friends?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gasps, and tries to catch his breath,  "Every slight. Every injustice. Every choice. Reveals our Sin. John was wrong," He weakly picks up his hand, and jabs his finger into my chest, "Your sin is not wrath. You would rather watch the world suffer and burn than swallow your pride."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then, from behind me, at the gates, I hear shouting, and gunfire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it is too fucking late for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Peggies crawl out of the woodworks. They come out from behind cover, from inside their huts, from the forests around, like fucking roaches. I couldn't fucking believe that many survived after all the killing I did, there were so many.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm barely able to stand up before I have three on me. I bash one good in the nose, breaking it, but there's not much I can do with two holding my arms, one my legs. Another helps Joseph up, and he looks at me like I'm a dog he has to put down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What should we do, Father?" One asks him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's still time," The Father says adamantly, "I intend to make this sinner understand before it is too late. They have to."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then the butt of a gun bashes me in the forehead, knocking me out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Donnie and Ethan come back, curiously peering around the curtain to see what the two girls were doing. Val puts down her book, and joins them.</p><p>"How's she?" Donnie asks.</p><p>"Not that great," Val answers, honestly. She sits on the edge of their bed, Timber laying his head on her lap, demanding head scratches, "How was the night market?"</p><p>"Just fine. Kinda crowded, though," Donnie opens his bag up, brandishing a few notebooks and new pencils, "Look at this. Like freakin' new."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>"Hey," Ethan says, "Can I ask something?"</p><p>"Mhm?"</p><p>"Are we all expected to go to this breakfast, or....?"</p><p>"I think so."</p><p>"Seems like we should," Donnie says, "Doesn't seem fair to let Mickey go in by herself."</p><p>"Don't think she'd even want to go by herself. Her and her mom and her mom's girlfriend."</p><p>"Yeah. Awkward."</p><p>"I mean," Donnie leans back, as much as he can, with a pillow propped under his lower back, "Mom, mom's girlfriend, Mickey, Mickey's friends - "</p><p>"Yeah," Val leans back, laying parallel with him, "It's definitely gonna be some breakfast."</p><p>Ethan lounges at the foot of the bed, "Should we bring something? Like, food?"</p><p>"Flowers?" Donnie says, "Girls still like flowers, don't they?"</p><p>"I like flowers," Val says.</p><p>"Do Highwaymen even appreciate flowers?" Ethan wonders.</p><p>"Nah," Donnie answers, "We just crush them under our boots as we get on with our lootin' and shootin'."</p><p>"I think flowers would be nice," Val says, "Like, they don't have to be the greatest flowers around. Just something pretty."</p><p>"But not like dandelions."</p><p>"Oh, but I love dandelions - "</p><p>Suddenly, the curtain separating the two beds pulls back, causing all three to jump, and whip their heads around. Mickey stands there, curtain agape, glaring at the three.</p><p>"You all make me want to rip my head off," She says. Then, she nudges Ethan over, and takes a seat next to him, "Everyone shut up, and listen," She takes a deep breath, "We're gonna go to their house. We're gonna have breakfast, two hours max, and then we're gonna go. We're gonna go, and we are never gonna look back."</p><p>Val wondered if she was even talking to them.</p><p>She stands, "So everyone make sure your shit is packed," She goes back to her and Val's side of the room, pulling the curtain over again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>The night stretches on, until dawn breaks, and the four, plus Timber, check out of the inn, retrieve their van, and wait outside the hospital for Stockton and Tracey to come outside. When the two women do, they seem surprised at the wheels the crew sported.</p><p>"Where'd you find this?" Tracey asks.</p><p>"Found it," Donnie says, offering a shrug, "Finders keepers."</p><p>Mickey drives, with her mother in the passenger seat, Donnie and Tracey in the middle seats, and Val, Ethan, and Timber sitting on the floor in the far back. They hit the morning market first. There's some tense arguing between Mickey and her mother over who would pay for what, until Ethan leaves the van with some trade goods, and Tracey leaves with him.</p><p>"I hope they come back with strawberries," Val says.</p><p>"Keep hoping," Stockton jokes, "Fruit is a little hard to come by in the city."</p><p>"There's a lot of strawberries out West. Fruit grows everywhere."</p><p>"Megabloom," Donnie says, "<em>Woomph</em>, all trees, all green, all flowers."</p><p>"What about the animals?"</p><p>"Most are clean," Mickey answers, "Need to be careful, but, you can visually see which ones are irradiated or not. Water's clean. Plants grow. The people who live there don't even need the masks. It's a hard knock life, but, there's life. Nothing like out here."</p><p>"Sounds nice."</p><p>"Yeah. It is," Mickey fingers the steering wheel, "You'd like it."</p><p>In less than twenty minutes, Ethan and Tracey return to the van, arms full of small, wrapped packages.</p><p>Tracey climbs into her seat, "Your pet Peggie has some good taste."</p><p>Ethan ignores her comment, climbing into the back, "I can't believe we couldn't find any fruit."</p><p>"What do you have?" Val asks.</p><p>"Dry sausages, eggs. Some soft scones and bread...."</p><p>"Oh, well, I have some jam preserves," Val reaches into her bag, taking out a jar of strawberry jam, "How's this?"</p><p>Tracey reaches back, taking the jar, "Just great."</p><p>Mickey drives out of the city, back to the wall with all of its welded metal and armed guards. The one that stops their van isn't as chatty as the last one, as he takes one look at the van cargo, and waves them through.</p><p>"Easy peasy," Val says.</p><p>There's a short drive through the patched neighborhood to get to Tracey and Stockton's house. Something Val failed to realize was that every plot of land in front of each dilapidated house had makeshift gardens staked on them. People toiled at the ground, harvesting and planting. The vegetables all looked dark, and withered.</p><p>Finally, they arrive at their destination. The home of Deborah Stockton and Tracey Lader was a medium - sized, two - story place. Time had stripped away the paint on the sides, leaving stripes of a desaturated, brick red. The roof was repaired with cut wood shingles. A large garden was set up where the front yard once was, the driveway cracked and bare. Mickey pulls in, turning the van off.</p><p>"Nice house," Val comments.</p><p>"Yeah," Mickey says, "Real nice."</p><p>They exit the van, Timber running out. He sniffs around the garden, taking a pee where he liked. Mickey yelled at him for ruining her mom's garden, while he sat there and wagged his tail, eventually coming up to her and rubbing himself against her pants.</p><p>"You always had this weird way with dogs," Stockton says to her daughter, "They always liked you."</p><p>Mickey gripes and grumbles, shooing Timber away, "Why couldn't it have been, like, deer or something?"</p><p>"Deer?"</p><p>"Meat is juicier. Dogs are stringy."</p><p>Timber whimpers.</p><p>They all head into the house. The inside was mainly untouched by ruin, besides chipping, peeling, and scuffed paint and wallpaper and scuffed wood floors. Val peeks into a pair of glass - paneled double - doors. She sees a living room, noticing a patched up couch and loveseat surrounded by packed bookshelves, a fireplace empty. The crew is led to a kitchen, large and wide. There was a spot that might've been for a stove or oven at one point, but was gutted for a cast iron furnace that came up to Val's waist. A hole was cut into the kitchen wall, a metal chute reaching from the furnace, and outside. A door leading outside had windows covered by tarnished, red and white gingham curtains. </p><p>Ethan and Tracey lay out their bounty, Mickey shooing him out of her way to take a look at the groceries. She and Tracey share a look, but otherwise ignore one another, until Val squeezes between them.</p><p>"'Scuse me, ladies," She says, "I think I'll be in charge of breakfast today."</p><p>Mickey raises an eyebrow. Tracey leans against the unlit stove, "Sure. It's not like I know how to make my own. I sure love to be bossed around my own kitchen."</p><p>Val lifts her hands away from the stove, "Maybe I'll just go sit down."</p><p>"That'll work, yeah."</p><p>Val sits at the table, Donnie joining her, "How's that arm, dude?"</p><p>Donnie flexes his bad arm, "Just fine. Getting better. I think by the time we get to your valley, it'll be all healed up."</p><p>"Valley folks love a show, so, you better be prepared to flex those guitar skills."</p><p>Stockton sits down across from them, "You know - "</p><p>Suddenly, there's a series of rapid knocks at the door. Stockton seems unperturbed, as she grins weakly, and stands back up, "That's probably our neighbors. Always asking for a few vegetables from our garden," She goes to the door.</p><p>Before she can properly open it, it bursts open.</p><p>"Doc, you won't believe this," A voice says, a girl briskly walking through. She was scrawny and short, and very young. Her hair was cropped short, blonde and messy, contrasting against her starkly pale skin, "Eddie - y'know, Eddie? He was exploring the ruins on the East and," She barges towards the empty table, plopping down a large, bulky bag on top, and starts to rifle through it.</p><p>Stockton is right on her heels, "Mae, this really isn't a good time - " </p><p>But the girl, Mae, either didn't hear the doctor, or chose to ignore her, "And - And he found this stash of - " She picks her head up, looks down, then pauses. She does a double - take, "Oh," Mae's eyes, which were as pale and colorless as her skin, flickered between each of the four, "Doc. You have compa...."</p><p>She looks at Mickey.</p><p>".....ny."</p><p>The room drops into silence.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Chaos erupts in a heartbeat. The girl tries to push herself away from the table, to add to her momentum, but Val was faster. She pushed up from her chair, knocking it back, and grabbed the girl by the back of her coat. The girl made a choked sound when her collar cinched, but she yelled, oh boy, did she yell.</p><p>"Help! Help!" She shouted.</p><p>"Mae! Mae, calm down!" Stockton says.</p><p>But Mae did not calm down. She unzipped her jacket and slipped out of it. She slides for the door, stopped by Tracey, who blocked it. Val dropped the coat, and rounded the table. Mae spins around, drawing a knife.</p><p>"Don't fuck with me! I'm crazy!" She squares herself up.</p><p>Val moves forward, just to take up the space between her and the rest of her crew. However, Mae becomes offensive, and slashes. Val raises her arm to block the blow.</p><p>Thunk. The knife gets stuck into Val's cast. Val jerks her arm back, the knife coming with her. She pulls it out, throwing it, then lunges out, grabbing Mae and dragging her back to the table. She sweeps Mae's bag off the table, and pins her down, face - up. A slew of curses leaves Mae as Mickey comes around, holding down the other side of her.</p><p>"Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you - " Mae thrashes, to no avail, both of her arms pinned, "Scum! Scum! You're all bastards! Killers! Bastard killers motherfuckers killers bitches - "</p><p>"Mae, it's OK!"</p><p>Mae tries to lift, "You! You! You - "</p><p>Val covers her mouth. She pants, "Stop! Just stop! Calm down!" She exhales, "We're not gonna hurt you. Just...Just relax. Be quiet, and relax, and we'll gonna let you go," She looks at Mickey, "We're gonna let go of you."</p><p>Mae breathes heavily, then nods weakly. Mickey goes first, letting go of her, then Val, taking away her hand from her mouth. Mae jumps from the table, but doesn't go for the door. She squares herself by the sink, pushing herself up as far as she can, almost stepping into it. Her eyes flick between everyone in the room, but her gaze always ends on Mickey.</p><p>Stockton approaches her slowly, her hands out, "Nobody is here to hurt you Mae," She says, "Nobody's here to hurt you."</p><p>But Mae was unconvinced, "This has to be some sorta joke, Doc? Tell me it's a joke? There's no way she's - " She shakes her head, "No way, no way, no way."</p><p>"Mae," Stockton slides up to her, gently taking her arm, "Sit down, Mae."</p><p>Mae shakes her off, "No!" She yells out. She flings herself away from the doctor, into another corner of the kitchen. She points at her, "I'm either seein' ghosts, or you've been hiding Mickey here all along!"</p><p>"You've shown up plenty of times here, Mae. You know she hasn't been here."</p><p>Mae squares her jaw. She breathes shaky, staring Stockton down.</p><p>Stockton turns, looking at the crew, "Can you give us a few minutes?"</p><p>Without much spoken, Donnie, Ethan, Mickey, and Val leave Stockton, Tracey, and Mae to hash it out. They file into the living room, Val closing the doors behind them. Mickey flops herself onto the loveseat, Donnie sitting down on the couch, while Ethan moved to the shelves of books, distracting himself.</p><p>"What the fuck are we gonna do now?" Mickey says, "She saw me."</p><p>Donnie shakes his head, staring at his boots, "That girl is not gonna keep this secret. Even if she's friends with the doc."</p><p>Val puts her hands on her hips, looking at the floor. She taps her foot, weighing her options, none really that great, but definitely better than murder. She then sighs through her nose, picking her head back up, the answer clear to her, "I know what we can do."</p><p>Everyone looks at her. There's silence, then there's a pair of matching groans from Ethan and Mickey.</p><p>"Another?" Ethan asks.</p><p>"What do you mean another?" Val demands. She points at Donnie, "You sure aren't complaining about Donnie, now, are you? And don't forget, you're a stray in this journey, too!"</p><p>Ethan turns beet red, looking back at the books.</p><p>Val continues, "I'm just sayin' that us bringing her with us back West is gonna be way better than anything else. We leave her, people learn you're alive, Mick, and then that could make your mom a target. And I sure don't think this girl deserves to be killed just to keep our secret, either."</p><p>Donnie nods in agreement, "Not like she's dead weight, either. She looks like she's handy in a fight, and looks like she scavs, too."</p><p>"What do you think, Ethan?"</p><p>"I don't think my opinion matters."</p><p>"Mick?"</p><p>Mickey sighs deeply, then looks at Val, "This is the last stray we're picking up," She states with a finger wave. She then waves her hand, "Who knows if she'll even come with us!"</p><p>"Then we threaten her until she does. I mean, all us against her, she won't have a choice," It didn't feel good to have to manipulate the young stranger, but there was no other choice to be had.</p><p>They wait a few minutes, until the yelling from the other room dies down. Val tells the rest of the crew to stay in the living room while she checked out the kitchen. When she opens the doors, and quietly shuts them behind, she sees Tracey with her back turned to the hallway. She hears the door open, and looks over her shoulder.</p><p>"What's happening now?" Val asks her.</p><p>"Staring content," Tracey answers, looking back at the Stockton and Mae. The two were in the middle of the kitchen, staring one another down.</p><p>Mae notices Val, and throws up her arms, "What now?" She asks sharply, "Since I know your dirty little secret?"</p><p>Val puts her hands on her hips, "Well, we can't kill you, obviously, but we can't let you run off and tell people what you saw, either," She straightens her shoulders, "So you're coming with us."</p><p>"What?" Mae shrieks, "I ain't goin' nowhere with ya'll!"</p><p>Stockton comes up behind her, placing her hands on her shoulders, "Mae," She says gently, "I think it's best that you go."</p><p>Mae turns around, shocked, "You're lettin' 'em kidnap me?"</p><p>She sighs, "No, Mae. I'm not. I'm encouraging you to go with them."</p><p>The two share a look. Mae's face scrunches up, "No."</p><p>Stockton exhales, "Mae - "</p><p>"I'm not goin'. Fresh air won't help me."</p><p>"You know as well as I do that it will," Stockton says.</p><p>"No, it won't," Mae replies stubbornly. Her shoulders were squared, defensive.</p><p>"Are you ill?" Val asks.</p><p>"I'm dyin'," She spits, looking off into space, "Radiation is all in me. I don't have a lotta time left."</p><p>"I told you, Mae, as long as you stay out of the radiation storms - "</p><p>"I can't, Doc, I can't. You know I can't."</p><p>Stockton raised her voice, "You can, Mae, and you are not dying! Stop telling people that!"</p><p>Mae's cheeks turned bright red. She pulled out a chair, and plopped down in it, crossing her arms, "I'm not going."</p><p>"Well, kiddo," Val says, "You don't have a choice."</p><p>Stockton kneels down, looking up at Mae, "Mae. You should take this chance."</p><p>"What chance? Chance to get kidnapped?"</p><p>"You know there's not much left to scavenge in the city," Stockton says, "Everybody is grasping for the same piece of scrap, hand over hand. You know what's out East?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Life. Clean water."</p><p>"Not many radiation storms," Val says, "It's a little strong in the middle areas, but, once you pass through the Dakotas it's all basically nonexistent."</p><p>Mae looked her over, unconvinced.</p><p>"But if that doesn't matter to you, there's always the abandoned towns," Val says, "Plenty of places totally left alone, just waiting to be looted."</p><p>She softens, just slightly.</p><p>"You seem plenty sharp. I'm sure people would love to have you take a look at scavenged places for 'em. Hell, we'd let you keep whatever you found."</p><p>Mae considers this, looking off into space. Stockton takes her hands, holding them in her own, "Go with them, Mae. They're good people."</p><p>Mae's face twists, "Mickey?"</p><p>"She's..." Val says, "She's changed. She's not in charge of the Highwaymen anymore. She's not a saint by any means, but, she's tryin'. She's done with all the lootin' and burnin'. Now she's just trying to make it through her day, like the rest of us are."</p><p>"And why should I trust you?"</p><p>"Because we haven't knocked you out and rolled you up in a sheet to toss you into a river," Val crosses her arms, "If we wanted to hurt you, we would've done it already. And I promise you, Tracey and Stockton couldn't have stopped us."</p><p>Mae stares her down. Val doesn't back down, keeping her eye. Mae holds onto Stockton's hand, "Fine," She says.</p><p>That's all Val needs to hear. She goes back into the living room, pushing the doors open, "Pack it up, we're heading out. Someone's gonna have to sit on the floor."</p><p>Everyone looks at Ethan, who groans unhappily.</p><p>In less than a minute, the crew had siphoned out of the Lader - Stockton home, in relative, tense silence. Mae hauled her big, bulky pack. Val walked up to her, "You got a place you were staying?"</p><p>"Yeah, but I never leave my stuff there," Mae answers, "This is all I have."</p><p>"Alright. Throw it in the back and get in."</p><p>Ethan holds the back doors open as Maw throws her bag in, "Why do I have to sit on the floor?"</p><p>"Because I said so," Val tells him. He scrunches his face up and gets in the back, sitting amongst their bags and Timber.</p><p>Mickey climbs into the driver's seat, Val joining her in the passenger's. Tracey stayed standing on the front porch, while</p><p><br/>"Sucks that this got cut short," Mickey says, staring out the windshield.</p><p>Stockton reaches into the open window, putting her hand on Mickey's wrist. She doesn't say anything, staring sadly at her daughter.</p><p>"But," Mickey continues, "Least we came.</p><p>"Yeah," Stockton agrees, "It was good that you came."</p><p>"I'll have the letters sent here, then," Mickey says, "I'll make up some stupid fake name, so you'll know it's me."</p><p>Stockton grins sadly, "That's fine."</p><p>Mickey swallows, "Bye, Mom."</p><p>"Bye, Michelle," She leans in, kissing Mickey's head, then pulls out. She stands back from the van.</p><p>Val clears her throat, "Mick - "</p><p>"If you say anything I'm leaving you here."</p><p>Val shuts up.</p><p>The van pulls out of the cracked driveway, and pulls off onto the road. Val waves from her seat, seeing Stockton wave back. The silence inside the van was deafening as they drove on.</p><p>After ten minutes, Mae leans into the front seat, "Are we going straight there?" She asks, "To Prosperity?"</p><p>"Nah," Mickey answers, "What's the rush? With the car, it'll take like a day or two to get to Montana. We still got a month of time left before they expect us home."</p><p>Val looks at her, smiling, "Home?"</p><p>"Shut up," Mickey fiddles with the radio. She flicks on a channel, frequently used by Highwaymen during long drives, strong beats playing through.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me adding new characters literally right at the tailend of this fic lol. sorry</p><p>thanks for reading :)!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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